#39 - Tennille La Grazia on Forgiveness, Fulfilment & Creating a Life You Love.

On this episode I shared a conscious conversation with the lovely Tennille La Grazia. 

Tennille is a Freedom Lifestyle Mentor & Fulfilment Goddess.

We dive deep into topics including getting clear on what fulfilment is to you, bouncing back from the hard times, dealing with resentment and hate in your heart, the power of forgiveness, accepting love, why hiding the real you is restricting you from everything you want, liking what we do and getting good at it, defining your highest values, creating a life you love and so much more!

This conversation was incredible! I’ve know Tennille for a few months and it was great to finally meet and hear more about her story. I love how real and vulnerable Tennille was as she was sharing her story, to the point where she even cried.. In a good way!

I really enjoyed this and I hope you do too! 

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Follow Tennille on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tennille.lagrazia
 
 Mentioned links:

 Serine Mind Meditation - https://www.oo.academy/jia-take-home-practice/#1510753767853-e3347dbb-a9f9

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey everyone, I'm Tenille the Grotzia and you are listening to the conscious quad cab

Speaker 2: 0:21

wisdom and become more conscious in your daily life.

Speaker 3: 0:36

Hey, conscious boys and girls. Welcome to episode 39 of the conscious podcast. On this episode I shared a conscious conversation with my lovely friend to Neal. The Grotzia to Neal is a freedom lifestyle mentor and fulfillment. God s we dive deep into topics including getting clear on what fulfillment is to you, bouncing back from the hard times, dealing with resentment and hate in your heart the power of forgiveness, accepting love, why hiding the real you is restricting you from everything you want. Liking what we do and getting good at that, defining your highest values, creating a life you love and so much more. This conversation was incredible. I've known to Neil for a few months and it was great to finally meet her in person and hear more about our story. I love how real and vulnerable to Neil was as she was sharing her story to the point where she even cried in a good way. I promise. I really enjoyed this and I hope you do too.

Speaker 1: 1:41

To Nail. How are you? Lovely. I am excited to be here on this podcast. Awesome. What have you been up to today? So today I got up super early because it was a really, really hot day in Sydney and taking three dogs out in the heat is never fun. So got up super early Austin and I took the dogs out for a beautiful hot, ridiculous walk. It was really hot. And afterwards we basically put out, swim is on, went down to the ocean and just submerged ourselves into the water. It was incredible. Yeah. Which page? Little Bay. Nice. Yes. Sydney. It's a hidden gem. Awesome. Beautiful. What are you most excited about in life right now? There is so much to be excited about at this time of year. It's, it's like a blank canvas, right? It's like these incredible energy where we can just create whatever we want. And I think for me, what I'm so excited about is, is to have more freedom. So as you would know, I've recently left my corporate job, I know of 11 years. Um, and I think like leaning into this new affiliate marketing, I'm going through so many shifts right now with everything I'm learning all the personal development that I'm just embedding. Um, and I think using that and just feeling a shift within me, I'm just so excited for what we're going to create. Like, you know, Austin and I have these amazing few months planned of going to the Gold Coast and going to Melbourne and the freedom fest, say staying in a penthouse with our team. And then, um, you know, I'm really excited. Something I've wanted to do forever is go to Bali and just like live in Bali and working in corporate, that's been so hard to like actually think, well how can I ever actually do that? And now we've got that to look forward to and just knowing that, you know, we can wake up and create our days. It's, it's exciting.

Speaker 3: 3:46

Yeah, it was awesome. And I'm actually a part of it too, so yeah. And the Gold Coast in two weeks, which is, it's like something that we look forward to look forward to for the past four months. It's actually happening. 2019 it's here. So I only met you through when I got started as well, which was only four months ago. So I haven't known much about, you have kind of talked here and there obviously send you on Facebook and this is the first time we've met and lovely to meet you too. And to see the physical version of you and yeah. What happened to both or you're from Sydney? I'm in Sydney in the van cruising up. So it was perfect alignment to catch up and record this conversation, but for myself as well, cause I don't know too much about you and for the audience as well. Can you give us a wrap up of your life from start till now and everything you do now?

Speaker 1: 4:40

Yeah. Gosh, that's a big um, big loft story. Um, okay. So I grew up in Sydney. Um, I grew up into a family of restauranters. Um, so my life was very much being brought up in the restaurant life. Yep. Um, so always surrounded by new people, food, just that constant buzz. Um, and one thing I learned pretty early on in my life was that I loved connecting with people and that I felt most alive being around people. Um, so I learned very early on that I wanted to work with people, inspire people. And that connection was just really important to me. And I had, you know, I had big dreams of what I wanted to do and how I wanted to leave. And I ended up, um, I always wanted to do acting. So I actually, it's funny, um, in high school I was a bit of a rebel. Um, and I think I called my mom one day when I was in Nice. I was in u s[inaudible] eight, and I said, mom, I'm changing schools. I'm going to enacting high school. And she was what? And I was like, yeah, of cold them. Um, this is the day we're going, we're going to go, I've filled in all the paperwork, so you've just got to take me, you just got to come sign the papers. And so that's the kind of person I've been. You know, if I want something I would just go off to that. Anyways, I went to acting school, a go on performing, performing arts high school and I think it was really good for me because of what I got to realize was that yes, I loved expressing myself and you know, I guess I'm evoking emotion in people, but I realized that actually acting wasn't really what I wanted to do. Um, so it was good to find that out early on before I, um, I guess before I went into a long time of committing myself into that, found out that I actually didn't feel fulfilled in it. But it was a really awesome thing for me going to that high school and having that experience and self awareness. And actually it was a turning point in my life because I was such a rebel in high school. Um, you know, I grew up, my parents divorced quite early in life and might, like my dad left my mom and I guess it like just brought out the rebellion in me. So going to that high school and having to, you know, show up and traveled two hours a day every single day, kind of. And I think it was also, you know, at that time in my life I was, I was wagging school and stuff like that and I had so much support from the school. It was, it was such a school where they supported difference differences in people and that we're all so different and unique. And you know, I had more, for some reason that freedom actually gave me more structure. Yeah. And it's like in that sense of freedom and not being told how to be or how to show up or being punished. Like I wanted to be my best, you know, like I wanted to give back for them just accepting me exactly how I was. And so from there, everything sort of turned around for me and I started to become a better student and I decided, you know, I wanted to go to school and enjoy my last years of school and I didn't end up staying at that school for longer. Made the decision that, you know, traveling like that just wasn't something I wanted to be doing for much longer. And I ended up going to an all girls school after and sort of turning, turning everything around for myself. Um, and yeah, I ended up going off to the high school. I thought I wanted to do real estate. I studied real estate and, um, I worked in a real estate office for a little while and I found out that that wasn't actually for me either. So it's funny when we, we learn through experiencing sometimes to find what we do, what we have to find out, what we don't want along the way. Yeah. Um, so yeah, so I did real estate and it wasn't for me, I thought maybe could just go back into sales. I'm a mom actually said to me, which now looking back at it and it probably wasn't the best advice. Um, she said, you know, you're too young to do proper like sales right now. So maybe just go and get a job and grow up a little bit, get some life experience and then go. And then you can go into sales once you've matured. Looking back at that, I would actually think, well, no, that's how you're going to mature. You don't have to be perfect straight away. We can learn on that journey. Um, so I was 18 at the time. Um, so I left school, done my diploma in real estate, and I'm gone there. And I ended up going and getting a job like she said. And I saw, I always knew I wanted to make good money, I wanted security and I wanted to, I wanted to, I guess really help people and just inspire people really. Um, and I ended up working in a call center for Insurance Company. I'm selling insurance. But what I found in that was, um, I was becoming, I was becoming a leader, right? So I ended up becoming a manager and working my way up to that. And I set the goal on it and I achieved it. And sort of the further into my career I went, the more I kind of lost, I guess I lost focus on what truly mattered to me. Um, from going from, you know, oh my God, I want to be these corporate chick working in a big city wearing suits and looking really smart, making lots of money. I went traveling and I came back and I was like, I actually just want to live my best life and leaving freedom and live aligned and truly being inspiring people, not just as their team leader, you know? Um, and it was funny because I was in that system for so long in that corporate rat race, it almost became too hard for me to ever see myself getting out of that. Right. And so I knew I wanted more from life and I'd say to my mom, you know, I've come back from this 12 month career break, traveling the world and like all of a sudden these curry that I just want it to become an exec is no longer fulfilling. Like this is just, this is crap. Like really, like this is just so crushing. I don't want to do this anymore. And Oh, struggled with it. And I thought, why am I not connected to this? You know, before I left, I was so passionate. I was so driven. I, I knew what I wanted. I knew exactly what I wanted in my life. I wanted the job and the family and the picket fence and all of that stuff in the home and all of a sudden, and I didn't want it. And I kind of felt a bit lost. Um, and I think a lot of people probably feel like that after time when we sort of get more into our hearts and away from our egos. Um, and so I looked into so many different things. My mom started pointing me into the, of people in network marketing and people who were inspiring people online and creating a life that way did a little, I actually did tap into network marketing. Um, and that was for me a w I'm not doing it any longer, um, because it's really not aligned to me anymore. But what it did do was it showed me a whole new world. It got me dreaming again, right? The personal development, seeing what is possible, um, and just really connecting again to how I want to live. And the fact that I can make that my reality. Um, and yeah, now fast forward, um, after years of wanting to get out of the corporate rat race and really wanting to live a lifestyle where I'm free to do whatever I want when I want and, and show up in my greatest power as a laid off, um, I'm finally able to do that. Obviously I saw my best friend, um, really throw herself into this business and step away from her coaching business and, and create success. And I craved that and, and I, I, I jumped in and, and here I am today. Um, and it's just opened up so many different opportunities. So I guess that's, that's a bit of a wrap up of May. Oh my law. Um, other than that I'm leaving with my amazing, beautiful partner, Austin in Little Bay with our three fur babies. And yeah, we're just really excited about what we're going to create in the future and just enjoying every day.

Speaker 3: 13:28

Awesome. That is so cool. Cause there's so many things that are so similar to myself in there, like following a do it, trying so many things and then finding out what you don't like in order to find what you do. Like cause it's always like, why would you try that if you know? You never know. But everyone goes into that expectation of I'm going to like this but it's okay to do things and not like them. Hence the my 20 plus jobs in my short time of being on this earth. But it was also like you're saying with the um, the acting and you did it, but then you're like, it's not, it's not for me. It's the same with soccer for me. Like I've took the big leap and moved overseas for her and it's like, well date doesn't, doesn't fulfill my soul anymore. And that's okay to move away from that. I think a lot of people in your situation in mind back then would have just stayed the course because I don't know any different. I'm too scared to jump out and do something that I love.

Speaker 1: 14:21

And every day people are stuck in their stories. And their bare lies to themselves because they don't know any other way and they feel like they have to be loving that because they once did or they thought they did. Or because society tells us we should, we should be grateful for this great job. Yeah. So it's only, yeah, it's only in experiencing that we ever find out.

Speaker 3: 14:48

Awesome. Would you say your living your purpose? I would say I am.

Speaker 1: 14:52

Yeah. Yeah. I really am. And I'm very grateful to be saying that because it has taken a lot of courage.

Speaker 4: 14:58

It really has.

Speaker 1: 15:01

What is success to you? Success to me is,

Speaker 4: 15:08

that's a good question.

Speaker 1: 15:12

I think it's really liking what we do.[inaudible] really liking what we do and getting good at it and feeling fulfilled in whatever that is. You know? It doesn't have to mean that we're earning a certain amount of dollars or that we, you know, something that we can measure in numbers or anything like that. It's, it's, it's as simple as loving what we do and doing a good job at that. Doing our best at that. Yeah. And how can someone who's not feeling those things like being fulfilled and doing what I love, how can they then step into doing that? That is such a good question. I'm so glad you asked that question. So I think the reason that people don't feel fulfilled, they don't reach that feeling of satisfaction and they always longing for more is Amelie mostly. Usually always because they're actually not getting clear on what fulfillment actually means to them on what actually they had core desired feelings are, right.

Speaker 4: 16:26

So

Speaker 1: 16:28

if you know, if, if someone's, um, idea of fulfillment is spotty entity, but they are living in a world of a corporate job and they're tied down by several mortgages living outside their means, their routine. And he was stuck in a routine and their diaries, so over flooded with events, that person is never going to be fulfilled, right? So they might think that what they need is, I need to get a mortgage that's going to make me feel really fulfilled because I'm going to be accomplished in my family. You're going to be really proud of me and I always wanted to do this. And they get the House and the picket fence and they never feel right. They never feel fulfilled. They get there and they feel unsatisfied because actually what their soul desired core feelings where we sponsor vanity, we're culture, right? Our web invigoration. Whereas if what they thought they were looking for, which is something different. So it was not getting clear on, on what it was. So I think what I would say to someone who is feeling unfulfilled and that wants to feel fulfillment in their lives is to get clear, really map out what are the, you know, what are the three or four feelings that I want to feel and experience on a daily basis? Yeah. Right. And then you can literally mind map out, okay, so I want to feel abundant. What does feeling abundant look like? And feel like, to me it means going and getting a massage every few weeks. It means going to beautiful hotels for coffee instead of meeting up at the local corner cafe. You know, it means spending a little bit extra on a hotel so we feel extra right.

Speaker 3: 18:16

Personalized to you and what you fulfillment and success.

Speaker 1: 18:19

Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. And getting clear on that, because I think the way we do our goals these days is we just, we just write down things, but if we reverse engineered that and we worked on how we want it to feel and then mapped out all of the things that would bring us that feeling, then we're going to get there. Right? Yeah.

Speaker 3: 18:38

Then we know the goals. Yeah. It kind of works itself out because the feeling as a, as I've learned from our good friend Alyssa, um, is, is all that we're really searching for

Speaker 1: 18:50

is how we feel. Yeah. Yeah. It's feeling good. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 18:54

And that's why people do certain things they do to get the feeling, but then those things are kind of counteract that feeling by providing certain hires, but it's not the actual feeling. It's a mask feeling.

Speaker 1: 19:06

Yeah, absolutely. And it's like when you look back at your, at your life, when we look, you know, 2019 has arrived and we get to 2020 or the end of 2019 we want to look back on things that we've enjoyed, right? If we were to do a little video, we want to look back at fun experiences. So if we don't know if, what if we don't actually map that out and put that on the goal, that's not on the goal planner, we're not going to ever feel that fulfillment.

Speaker 3: 19:34

So perfect time for this, and this is not part of the questions, but it's just come to my head. It's 2019 and as you were just saying, like map things out, get the feeling, how would someone map out their 2019 where would they start with? They start with how I want to feel this whole year or at the end of the year

Speaker 1: 19:51

or just how I want to feel constantly. So you, so we can always only mean ourselves where we're at right now as we change our wants, our needs that desired, it all changes. And that's okay for him to chair course it's part of human growth. So I would say get it, it sounds really simple, but to actually do the work, people are so on autopilot, they don't stop. They just think I'll have this a nascent nice. It's, it's literally about, like I was saying before and I did this today, I did this. Oh he was yesterday I think or it was, it was a few nights ago after a team training. I was feeling super inspired and I've got a butcher paper out and I wrote out, okay, this, these are the things, cause I've been, I've spent hours on this just in the last week also. Um, there's a book by Daniel laport called the desire map. And so, you know, I spent a lot of time thinking and really deciding what are these, these core feelings that I want to experience. And I actually did. You get out of a pen and paper and you write down, okay, these are the feelings that I want to experience. And then all of the things that you need to do to bring that into your world, you know, if it's, if it's spontaneity, you need to put something akin to say, all right, um, five times this year I'm going to just wake up in the morning and book a flight or whatever it is for you. Awesome. Love that.

Speaker 3: 21:23

What are you most proud of in life?

Speaker 1: 21:29

Yeah, that's a really good question. Caller, what am I most proud of? Up until recently, if you asked me what I was most proud of in my life, I would have told you that it was

Speaker 4: 21:43

okay

Speaker 1: 21:43

taking a year off work and traveling the world by myself through India and Thailand and all of that stuff. But now that I really think about it, that's not that hard to do. Right? Like I'm, I'm, I was, it was all awesome. I was young and I did it and it was a solo traveler and that's great. But honestly, I think just, I think I'm honestly just most proud of my resilience. Yeah. And you know, I've had, I've gone through some, you know, I've gone through some, some hard times. We all do. Um, but my ability to bounce back and to learn and grow from those things

Speaker 4: 22:25

yeah.

Speaker 1: 22:26

And to still feel

Speaker 4: 22:29

okay

Speaker 1: 22:29

loving and inspired.

Speaker 4: 22:33

Okay.

Speaker 1: 22:34

Mm. Mm. That'll come up in a question, which

Speaker 3: 22:38

he's actually right now. What is the, what is the worst thing that has ever happened to you and how is that the best thing that has ever happened to you?

Speaker 1: 22:47

Yeah, I will install it now. I would say the worst thing that's happened to me, um, was when I was very little. So I was about three years old. My parents split up, so my dad left my mom for another woman and this woman did not like children. And I was a very naughty little girl. I was very jealous that my daddy was being taken away from me. And so I didn't really make that much easier on myself. I would go to her house and pick her candles and scratch out her photos. And I was a little ratbag really. But, um, I guess for me, what it, what it kind of, um, it brought up a lot as, as a little girl and you go through stuff like that you, or is it as a kid when that stuff happens, you give it a very different meaning, right? So simply it was mom and dad's relationship wasn't in flow. He made a decision and he still loved me very much, but it was, you know, you have to look after yourself first in what way you go about that. That's a different story. But, um, for any child child whose parent leaves, you know, there's so much stuff, stuff that can be brought up, you know, you can give it meaning of abandonment, meaning of not feeling, not being good enough, not being loved enough, having to then going to patterns of having to fight for someone's love or you know, these limiting beliefs that are, will every time I love a man, a woman's going to take him away, which can then come into our future relationships and jealousy and control and all of that stuff. And so for me, um, you know, that that hurt me a lot as a little girl. I still, even alone, I've done, done so much forgiveness, it still hurts. Um, but my stepmom at the time, so we went, we would have gone about 10 or 11 years, not talking, and that was really hot, you know, I couldn't say my dad, what couldn't call whenever I wanted to. And it was hard getting emotional now. So what actually came from that was may having so much like resentment and hate in my heart as a little girl. Sorry. That's okay.

Speaker 4: 25:16

Hm.

Speaker 1: 25:17

Keller is looking for tissues now. No, I'm good. I'm good. And so my mom actually taught this to me at the time. She's like, um, God love her. I've grown up with a very conscious mom who was like, you know what forgiveness, she brought me up on Louise Hayes and you know, the law of attraction and brought me up with so much self belief. And she said, you've got to, you've got to forgive what this is going to hold you back, you know? And so, um,

Speaker 4: 25:55

[inaudible]

Speaker 1: 25:57

so for me, what it taught me was forgiveness. So I ended up doing some beautiful healing exercises through Louise Hayes on forgiveness. And I'm not talking about, yeah, I forgive you. Let's move on. Like proper like soul loving forgiveness. I love you. I'm not making this personal. I actually love you were one, you know, my dad loves you. You bring so much love to him obviously. And I could say that they had a beautiful relationship. Like my dad was like a little kid around her. They were just beautiful together. They were like to high school sweethearts. Really. Um, and so, so much forgiveness. And I wrote her a beautiful letter and from there our relationship was healed so much so that, you know, they became like a role model relationship for me. But she actually passed away a few years after we healed our relationship. So for me, really, I think it was the worst thing in my life. But the lessons that I learnt about forgiveness and standing up for myself and you know, yeah, just those lessons in itself, a quiet, in valuable or very valuable. They're priceless because so many people go through life with resentment and when were resented with limited and we are suffering and when, when we're never going to tap into true fulfillment. So the art of forgiveness is what I've learned from that.

Speaker 3: 27:30

Wow. And it's like you're a child. You didn't know any better. And I think getting all those thoughts from that experience and beliefs around I'm not loved or it's his abandoning me, it's, it's like, no, that's not what's happening that, but that's what you're thinking and that will stay and Oh man, it just reminds me of so much from all the work that I've done with my coach on stuff that I've seen during childhood. That's not, it's not that, but it's what I seen and what I thought it was that then come up into my relationships, my potential relationships. And like you were saying, like if you feel jealous because of what happened between your parents, that you know every man you get with another girl's going to steal him, then you're almost like self sabotaging yourself. Interrelated.

Speaker 1: 28:16

Oh. Usually by doing that and it's like, how can you, it's always going to end because he act that way. Do to that belief. Yeah. Putting out that energy. Yeah. And people felt controlled and you sabotaging your, you're making something that's not even there really. So how did you move through that? Did that obviously that affected you during relationships and to now having a real of what looks like a really successful relationship? Probably the most amazing relationship of my life. Um, I've been doing a lot of work around that. So clearly I'm conscious of the fact that that was all bs. So my dad loves me very much and we have an amazing relationship. I adore my dad and having that forgiveness, right. Having that forgiveness and I guess really just connecting to him. What was his needs at the time, you know, in relationships. I would not want him to stay in a relationship that he was not happy in. Um, so I've, I've really just been doing the mindset work on letting go of those beliefs that don't serve me, that, you know, men can be taken from a, that men can't be trusted, that I'm going to be left. I'm not worthy. I'm not worthy. Yeah. Just working through that beliefs and creating new beliefs that do serve me, that, you know, that the one that I love will love me for me. I don't need to be or do anything because there's nothing I can do that will scare that personal, the right person away or there's nothing that anyone can do to take the right person away. And, you know, now I really, really have worked through a lot of that. Do I still get like a little bit jealous and stuff? You know what the amazing thing is that my man doesn't give me any reason to be jealous, which is beautiful. Um, so I'm not saying I'm completely healed, but it's certainly never been an issue now relationship. Yeah. And it's something that if, yeah, it's definitely not an issue for me anymore, but I will still remember that I have felt that way and they can be tricky. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 30:36

And that's, I think that's part of being human. You're allowed to feel these things, but it's, you are the, the consciousness behind the feelings and the thoughts to be like, okay, do I, why do I feel that way? Do I want to feel that way? No. Okay, well this is why and this is the thoughts and it's like it's a whole new world of once you know why you do certain things and you trace it back to a belief that you think is not there, but it's actually there from childhood that stuck around. And once you figure that out you're like Ah, for change that it changes a lot of things. Yes, yes, yes. That's exactly right. It's so powerful and I think that's reassuring as well for people that have been through a similar thing. If they hear this then there's hope and light for them as well. It's always hope. Yes. What advice would you give your 16 year old self? My 16 year old self, this is the rebel

Speaker 1: 31:27

Neil. So I, I was given a lot of great advice when I was 16, you know, my mom was very much into meditation and personal development books and all of this stuff. So I really think it doesn't matter what you would have told my rebel self, I was going to do what I wanted to do. It's funny, I have a book rich Dad, poor dad that I got when I was 18 after a Tony Robbins seminar. You know, I just picked that book up a few weeks ago and read it for the first time and finished it. So going back like that,

Speaker 3: 32:08

funny, you actually have to read the books. You can't just buy that. Yeah, I know. I know. I I books and yeah, you'd have to read them. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 32:15

But it's like I've got beautiful little cousins who were young teenagers and I so want to give them my lessons. I'm like, Oh my God, you know, this book, you've gotta read it. There's all these books I've been reading lately. If you do it at your age, like you've only, yeah. Um, so where, where we're at, here's where we're at. But what I would honestly say is that I'm enough. I would say to her, you are enough. Exactly as you are different, unique, um, that makes you more special. Like don't feel like, because you're not like everyone else because you think differently because you know you are different. Don't think that you're inadequate. Just know that you are, you are worthy and you are enough. Because if I really believed I was enough, I sure would've got it out of the corporate trap a lot earlier. I wouldn't have settled for relationships that weren't serving me. Um, and you know, it would have been a different life. But honestly we, we learned from all of that and we, we can only made ourselves where we're at. So the advice would be, the advice would be to really, really, really work on knowing that who we are at our coal is enough. Because when we can work on that belief, we can, we are limitless in what we can do. The reason that we hold ourselves back always comes back to not feeling good enough. As simple as maybe even Connie or airy fairy is that my sound? It's the truth. And I think everyone knows that at their core and they mask it with other stuff. Yeah. Yeah. So what would be the best advice you have ever been given? I love this. I love that question. The best advice I have been given was by one of my best friends Alisa. And it was relationship advice. So when I started dating Austin, um, it was Valentine's Day and I was so crazy, like in love with him. I was like, I just adore this person and I'm not usually the type to go and spoil a guy cause you know I'm play it too cool, way too scared to get hurt. And I actually got him this like awesome Kci k plan our got his names like Yah, he's at initials embedded, made the most beautiful card, got him a pen. Anyways, he get he rocks up to pick me up for Valentine's Day and he's got this little vase of flowers and this card that says Happy Valentine's Day. Gorgeous. And I'd put so much, um, so much thought and time and love into his gift. I was like, oh my God, what have I done? I felt like an idiot. And I still remember messaging Alisa because I'd shown her that card. It was very cute. And I was like, I'm not giving it to him. I'm not giving him this card. I'm putting half of this present in the drawer because I'm going to look like I am always a two into him and that he's going to send him running for the hills. And she said to me, don't like she said, give him the car to meal. And what she said. And it stuck with me and it was the best advice I've been given. She said, if you don't give him the card, you're hiding your heart from him. And the right person will love you for your heart and there's nothing you can do or say that will make them run. Mm. And it was that moment that I was like, what the hell? Why play this game? It's so true. If he's not the one I'd rather know now and move on. Hello next. Um, and you know, I don't want to like play half hour in a relationship, right.

Speaker 3: 36:21

Play that game of chase me. I won't give you everything until I said yeah,

Speaker 1: 36:26

yeah. And hold back. And that's not fulfilling. Hiding ourselves is the most restrictive crappy thing we can do. So I gave him the card at the end of the night after he, um, you know, took me out on this beautiful harbor cruise that made me feel very special. Um, and he loved that cards so much. Like so much. He's still, he carries it around with you when he's in his journal that he takes out like any, he just, he loves it. And it did, it made him really connect with me more and be able to open up more on his end because he could see how much I cared about him. So the best advice I've been given is to share your heart. Don't hide your heart because the person that bought the one will love you for your heart. Yeah. And there's nothing we can do to scare them away.

Speaker 3: 37:16

Yeah. And it's so important to be like even that authenticity in just life in general because if you're not, if you're being yourself, you're going to attract people that love that and then you're not having to worry. If people were like, oh, do they like this about me? It's like this is, this is me. Like you like it, great if not see light our like, yes, and it does have that reassurance and I think that's so important because then when it comes to dating, like you said, you're not playing this childish game of, you know, I'll give half and then see what they think and then I'll give the other half because then if you get that other half and they don't like it, then you've, you've played the game on yourself.

Speaker 1: 37:52

Yeah. You're always only going to get half back when you give half. It's not going to work. It doesn't align. The university feels the heart feels authenticity. Would you want the half given to you? You'd want to know on the first tee. Okay. You don't have to go into extreme detail, but you being authentic. Yeah. You'd want them to be the same. Absolutely. Yeah. And, and, and when they're not, you can feel it. I've had that. I had that with my partner before Austin. It was very much like that. And I was like, you know what? Like this just doesn't feel good. Like it's just not feeling good and that that's okay. Yeah. Some people will do that. That's fine. But you got to go with that feeling.

Speaker 3: 38:37

I'm just an Olin Gal. Yeah. Awesome. Are Light. But I'm a male. No Gal. The Guy Guy. How do you think people can become more fulfilled in life?

Speaker 1: 38:51

I think I really touched on that before. I think I really did. Um, connecting to, okay. So connecting to what actually fills us up and doing more of that. And, and I'll, I'll add this as well. Connection. We need connection in our lives. When we are disconnected, we are in a place of suffering and you can call it what you want, but suffering is, can be depression, on happiness, stress, any feeling that doesn't feel good is suffering. And the only time we feel disconnected, sad, um, down. Angry stressed is when we're disconnected. So all we at Ebony to do, to come back to center is literally come back to center and connect. Whether that be with ourselves or whether that be with our loved ones or our fairy friends or someone on the street because we are all connected. We're all connected.

Speaker 3: 39:54

Mm. It's just connect to an action. I think for me it's also understanding that, but then also knowing that for me it also comes from connecting with yourself. But with myself, it's like connecting with nature as well. Being out there, being near the ocean or being out in, in not the woods. I don't go out in the woods, um, just out in nature in the Bush in Australia. But it's, I know, I know what works for me in that connection and, and it's something that you need to be aware of.

Speaker 1: 40:25

Absolutely. It's like this morning we were really hot and flustered from that walk and the fact that we didn't get out until it got really hot. Yeah. And jumping into the ocean and feeling the coats, salt water was just so healing. And in bigger writing we will like, oh my God, we feel so much better. We feel amazing. And we were just refreshed from that point on. So yeah, it connected, connected with nature. And if that's for you, like if you, I'm, I personally think nature is great for everyone, right? Yeah. But you know, some people don't love nature, so whatever that connect connecting to something that you love.

Speaker 3: 41:05

Yeah, whatever that is for you. What is a big problem that you think needs to be talked about more in society? Um, I

Speaker 1: 41:15

think there is, there is awareness about this at the moment, but it's still something that is a big problem. So something that a lot of people are experiencing and it's increasing everywhere is mental health issues like anxiety. Um, a lot of people are experiencing anxiety. And I think the biggest or one of the, one of the big causes of that right now in our day and age with iPhones is just constantly being glued to our phones, right? So we're not giving ourselves space and time. We're constantly cluttering our mind with a million things. So previously we would, um, before I phones, you know, we would be standing in line and we would just have time to breathe and just like allow thoughts to come. We'd be sitting on the bus or the train and we could really just just connect with ourselves and our thoughts and our creativity. But now we pull out iPhone out straight away, right?

Speaker 3: 42:32

Sometimes, like, sometimes people do it in the toilet. Some of my best content comes from the toilet. But you know,

Speaker 1: 42:44

phones, it, it, it actually, our mind needs that, that space. So for, if we're not meditating or practicing mindfulness, um, and we are filling up every single space in our day with something else to stimulate us externally and a million things by that means, because when we flip through, there's so many different things that pop up. We are depriving ourselves of some of the most amazing light bulb moments, some of the most creative thoughts, some of the most beautiful mind hacks and shares. And we're, we're also like stimulating our bodies in the wrong way. So, you know, we, we feel anxious. We feeling that AMF from the phone just and stuff as well. Um, so I would really just say we need to actually take time out. Like we need to disconnect and I just connect to connect. Totally. What all's in Spain? In Barcelona I was looking for why fi like really like a lost soul as I need Wifi and some Spanish man said to me it's Sunday. Disconnect was like is he mean that Wifi gets disconnected on Sunday or I should disconnect and that stay with me for years. Like it's Sunday, we need to actually disconnect. We need to disconnect throughout our days. Not just one day a week but we need to disconnect whether that's for 20 minutes or an hour. We need to disconnect.

Speaker 3: 44:17

We were just talking about this before I was camping down or camping with the van in Kangaroo Valley. This place where like we had reception and then as soon as we went down into this valley there was nothing, no bar from any anyone's phone that there. And I was like this is nice. Like it's cool. I know mindfully, mindfully myself, I'm always on my phone cause it's really around my businesses and everything else and connect with my family and all that. But it's also nice to not have it. And it was just peaceful. I played a board game.

Speaker 1: 44:50

Oh.

Speaker 3: 44:51

Um, I claim the van. It's, it's just, it was nice to just listen to what was happening. A rattly we did listen to music but just to connect, disconnect from everything. I could still do work. I can still journal. I still had paper and pens that I could write and yeah, some awesome content came from that time because it was just no distractions.

Speaker 1: 45:13

Peaceful. Ah, it feels beautiful. Studies can actually literally recharge. Yeah.

Speaker 3: 45:18

Yeah. Recharge the batteries, the connection batteries. Yes. Yes, yes. If this was the last time you seen me and I asked you to teach me something tangible that I can use in my life every day to improve my life, what would you teach me?

Speaker 1: 45:32

I would teach you a three minute serene mind practice. Nice. Something that I learnt at the one world academy retreat, which has a beautiful Indian meditation school. Um, they are global and Anthony Robbins raves about them because they're good friends of his. And it's basically like what I was saying before, you know, we get in moments of anxiety, stress, suffering. So it's a practice that we can do when something happens at work and we feel really bad when we run into like an encounter where we have a disagreement where something hurts us so we feel stressed or whatever it is where you can practice something for three minutes and it actually brings you back to with serene mind and a serene state through deep breathing and being present. Mm. How, how can people find this? I can share the link with you. Yup. Awesome. I can share the link with you. Essentially it's a, it's like a, it's a Dropbox recording. Yup. Essentially all it is if you, you could actually do it yourself. Yeah. So just to run you through it, if you'd like me to quickly, it won't even take three minutes cause we won't go through the exercise. Yeah. Um, so you take yourself to a quiet space and you take three calm, conscious breaths and see what we thought. And then you, you visualize a little flame in the center of your mind saying this in, in your, in the center of your forehead, in, sorry, in between your eyebrows center and with that flame you think about the emotions that were coming up for you in that state of whatever you were experiencing, whatever suffering it was. And so you get clear on how it was you were feeling and then you simply start to um, oh goodness may, it's been a little while since I've done this. You start to, I think you just start to connect to a better feeling thought and you breathe through that and essentially that little flame that you're focusing on, your mind is kind of burning that emotion out. And then you like you, you smile and you open your eyes. After the three minutes, you probably have a little timer on your phone or the recording that we can share with you. Um, and it just changes your whole state three minutes to change your whole state. Cause sometimes when people get into moods it can take a lot to snap out of it, especially women. Try and get a hormone, a woman out of her mood that's serene mind will help calm your mind, but really it's just that, that, that practice of taking, like getting away for three minutes, date breathing, focusing on something like a flame inside your mind and breathing through that smiling and just, it just set, puts a separation between that horrible upstate Urien and moving forward. Yeah. Yeah. What is most meaningful to you in life right now? Oh, most meaningful to me in life right now. I feel like right now I'm filling my life up with so much that I love that I, there's so much that's meaningful right now between my personal development journey, my business and my relationship with Austin. Honestly, I just, I the most meaningful thing right now for Aussies, waking up in the morning, just having a beautiful fur baby, big family cuddle without three dogs at all and enjoy, like enjoying a beautiful morning routine of just feeling sacred and having my own time. It's probably the thing that I'm loving the most right now. I'm really spending my time how I want to in the morning to fill myself up so I can be my best. And when I don't have that, I have not my best version itself, you know? But on the mornings that I do practice that like things is so much beautiful and flowy with Austin and I, you know, when you don't have it, you need that serene three minutes. Do the syringe. What impact do you want to have on people, the community and the world? I believe that we all have an impact because energy is energy and it's so powerful. So as a collective, every single person has a massive energy on the world. And I didn't truly believe that when I used to hear people say that everyone makes a difference. But since I've started reading about quantum physics and the science behind energy and, and things like that, through happy pocket, full of money, um, that book, I realize that it's not for me. It's not about, it's about getting out of that ego space where I want to change the whole world and have the biggest dream ever to like cause this big impact and really just to live my truth, whatever that is at the time. So in May living my truth and what's real for me. I know that I'm inspiring other people to live their truth. And when we leave in our truth, that's another thing that brings us back to fulfillment, right? Cause we can lie to ourselves as much as we want, but if we're not, we're not really in our soul's calling. We're never going to feel fulfilled. So to live in my truth, sharp as the best version of me and to show people that you can create whatever you want, we are powerful freaking creators. So powerful. And when you use that for the greater good and tap into that, it doesn't matter what background she came from, what money story, you know, what relationship story you can create, the life that you love. So my, my thing that I want to do to impact the world is too, to just live that myself. And be an example of that because that will flow so much. I agree. What does it mean to be conscious? To be conscious is to be self aware, to be self aware, to lead from the heart and to be so committed to our journey that we never ever, ever, ever stop learning. Yeah. Love that. Where can people see born of your staff, your events, your pages, everything that you do. I would love everybody to come and see more of me and connect with me. Um, at the moment just over on my Facebook page, 10 La Grotzia, um, or my personal page 10 law Grotzia um, Instagram. Don't worry about that. I'm not really onto that at the moment. I'm still tapping into, you know, getting out there in a bigger way. Uh, but at the moment Facebook reach out to me. Um, I'm running a beautiful intentional goal setting. Master class. No, I'm on the 12th of January. We will have a recording of that as well. So you know, we will totally tap into finding your core desired feelings and mapping your life out from that. Yeah. And true fulfillment. So you know, if anyone's wanting guidance with that, please reach out to me.

Speaker 3: 53:38

Hit Up snail and I'm just thinking of the dates it should be out just before then, but if you miss it guys that like to Neil said there will be a recording. I'll have that link in the podcast description as well. Um, anything else you'd like to share with the listeners before we

Speaker 1: 53:56

wrap up? Thank you for joining and sharing in non l beautiful conversation. It's faint. Beautiful having this chat with you today. I've loved meeting you and I would play physically. Yeah. Yeah. I would just say to people that we get so caught up worrying about what we want to achieve, but we don't really think about how we want to feel. So really, really just think about how you want to feel and go off that in every situation. Someone cut you off at the traffic lights. Oh, I wanted to feel joyous. So if I want to feel joyous, the best thing for me to do is to smile and move on with my day instead of screaming out, swear words. Right. So really just focused on how we want to feel more than anything. Yeah,

Speaker 3: 54:50

I love that. I want to acknowledge you for being the person that you are. Such a bright light in my life, in, in luck, it's just been over social media, but we've always had so many different chats about so many different things, whether it's relationships or keeping each other accountable in business and stuff like that. And I love seeing your content, your posts. It's motivating, it's inspiring and sharing this conversation as well because like being so open and vulnerable and we got really deep into some personal stuff there. And I think, you know, for me it's something that I've never experienced. So to hear that impacts me in so many different ways, but I know it's going to impact so many different people that listen to this that have been through similar and we'll connect to that. So thank you so much for being so raw and open and vulnerable. It's been amazing connecting with you and meeting you and I'm sure we're going to share some so many more conscious conversations in the future.

Speaker 1: 55:45

I would love to and so grateful to have been able to share this with you. So thank you.

Speaker 3: 55:50

You are so welcome. All right guys, if you love the podcast, make sure you subscribe. You, um, share it on your Instagram stories, on Facebook and wherever you're listening, tag a friend that you think this would impact as well and reach out to snail and myself will respond. We look at our messages. So amber was Facebook for tenure for me. Anything you'd miss on, I'll look at it. So, all right guys, that's it from us.

Speaker 2: 56:13

Take care. Thank you so much for taking the time to listen in on our conversation. Hopefully you've got some insights and values to raise your hand. If you like the please like to share on social media and leave a review on whatever platform is, I would really appreciate it. You can also keep up to date on our Facebook and Instagram pages. Both handles are at the conscious podcast and also my personal account, which is at Carlow underscore Ciriello. Until next time, take care and be nice.