Mind of Snaps - Positivity Podcast | Ep. 05 - "I free myself of others' silent or explicit expectations"

The regular Mind of Snaps podcast is on a hiatus still, but I'm working on bringing it back. There ARE still more podcasts available on my Mind of Snaps Youtube channel, but they just haven't found their way here yet.

I will be releasing Positivity Podcasts from my Patreon here on a daily basis for at least the next two weeks. I'm doing my part to put out as much positive and encouraging content as I can during these intense times we're faced with.

This is my 5th Positivity Podcast on the Patreon and I hope it helps you see that you can be free from the expectations of others, if you choose to be. You can also do your part to stop projecting your own expectations onto others, so you can have deeper and more loving relationships where you allow people to be as they are. 

The format for these podcasts definitely evolved over time, but I hope you enjoy listening, even though times have changed.

Listen, and let me know your thoughts.

Hang in there friends, we're all in this together.

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Make sure to subscribe to the Patreon if you'd like to make it easier for me to create more free content for everyone!

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Jessy (Mind Of Snaps / SheSnaps)

www.MindofSnaps.com

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Transcript

speaker 0:   0:00
Hi, friends. Happy Friday. Oh, my goodness. It's Friday, at least for me. Right now. You might be listening to this and it might be a different day, but right now, for me, it's Friday. So happy Friday. Today's positivity podcast is from June 18th 2018. Crazy to imagine that I've been doing these for that long. Still. Like every time I look at these, I'm like, Wow, this is this has been a minute. Anyway, I hope you're all taking good care of yourselves, given everything that's going on in the world right now. And I'm actually very excited because this positivity podcast I feel is very relevant still today. And it's something you could kind of flip around and check in with yourself on as well. So in this podcast, the affirmation that will be discussing is I free myself of others silent or explicit expectations. Man, how many times are you upset with yourself? Because you feel like you've let someone down. And then when you look back on it later, you're like, Wow, you know what? They never actually verbalized anything to me. They were always really nice and friendly and loving. Maybe I didn't actually let them down. Maybe I had some idea of what they expected me to be or do, and I felt like I had fallen. Short of that happens to the best of us. So do your best to free yourself of others silent or explicit expectations. You don't owe anyone anything you don't. Your biggest priority should be taking good care of yourself. Now, keep in mind, of course, that doesn't mean ignore or treat people as less than be kind. But if someone is dragging you down, if you're dealing with some serious toxicity, especially especially in a time like this, it's okay to take a break. Take a step back. Just be kind. Now. The flip side of this affirmation is there's an opportunity for you to check in with yourself and see if maybe you are expecting a lot out of someone else. And it might be a little bit unfair of you, especially, you know, as a great example. Right now I understand how upsetting it is to see people who are not taking our current situation seriously. However, we cannot deny that there is a lot of misinformation out there right now, and people are unsure. On top of that, our minds I have a hard time wrapping. Wrapping their minds of round something as intense is what we're dealing with right now. Our brains do not really want to accept this as our reality. They keep kinda checking what we're used to seeing in our day against what's actually happening now. And it's got people a little mixed up. So if you're starting to find that anger rising in you even if it feels righteous, it doesn't serve you let it go. You're expecting others to understand something that can still be a little hard for some people to grasp. Some people struggle to understand how serious this is. So when it comes to those family members, those friends you have that don't seem to be taking the precautions they need Thio speak with compassion and kindness. I think you know Justus well as I d'oh, very few people respond and change their behavior through shame or blame or aggression. Or, you know, just the way that we tend to come out people. So whether we're talking about strangers on the Internet or people who are close to you in your life, give him a break, try to give them benefit of the doubt and then just lead with compassion. Really, that's That's the biggest thing out of all of this lead with compassion for yourself, for others, for every fucking thing in the world. So that's the information that will be reviewing in this podcast. That'll be starting shortly and just some quick little updates. The argument with my mother about quitting my corporate job that I referenced in this podcast has almost entirely subsided two years later. Um, but the thing that I mentioned in the podcast about how I just respond with, you know, I made this decision for my health. It really did work. We don't We don't have long drawn out discussions. I don't get heated over it. She doesn't get heated. If it comes up again, the same thing happens. Well, I'm glad that I left. I made that decision for my health, and I haven't looked back. She tries to push it, say the same thing again. You know, I'm still glad that I left. I would not change that decision for the world, so I don't know if that's interesting to have an update My relationship with my mother has changed for the better over the past two years, and I definitely attribute a lot of it, too. My mindfulness practice is the work I've been doing on my mental health and especially all of the research and practice I put into building my skills of communication. Highly recommend that so things are, you know, obviously not quite what we're used to right now. But another thing that is discussed in this podcast is kind of thinking about what it is that you want. So even though things are a little up in the air right now, it does not mean you can't try to think ahead a little bit. And I don't mean that in the fearful, anxiety based way. I'm talking about checking in and thinking about who you are, what you want and, ideally, how you intend to serve others. We genuinely feel good. When we help other people, you know there's there's what's known as a helper. Hi, you could be getting that. How do you plan on serving other people in your life whether you're trying to get that helpers hire, you just genuinely want to be kind to others. I think that it is an important part of our lives. So what kind of life do you want to live and why? What kind of person do you want to be in that life? And realistically, what kind of person do you have to be in order to make that life yours? And in orderto live that life that you crave to its fullest? You know, some of us have this vision that will get all the things that we want. And then suddenly all of our behaviors will change overnight to match this new certain circumstances or this new situation. It's not really how it works. You got to change yourself to change your situation. We don't know exactly where the world is going right now, but I do have some general guidance on how you can think a little bit more broad about what you want out of life. This particular mentality and mindset has helped me a great deal in the past and recently. So after you're done with this, if you'd like to listen to the podcast titled How to Start, you can go and listen to that and get a little more insight into how I structured my essential like kind of life's purpose, my values, the things that I want to keep my focus on in life during this time. I think it could be helpful to think a little more abroad. We have a tendency to get stuck in career paths like, What do you want to do with your life? What kind of life do you want to live? And suddenly everyone starts thinking, Okay, what available careers are there? Which of those is appealing to me? No, what kind of life you want to live in? Why kind of person you want to be in that life. It's a much broader thing than a career path. It's a much bigger thing than a career path. You are so much more than your job or in this case, especially your lack of job. If you're another one of the folks that's been laid off, we're all in this together. We're all gonna do our best to get through this together and keeping yourself in balance and reminding yourself that you are not your job. You are not your relationship. You are a whole complete and beautiful being all on your own. I think that can be incredibly valuable for us to remind ourselves of that moving forward. So take some time today. Check in with yourself. Listen to this podcast. Listen to more of the podcasts. Surround yourself with positive, empowering, encouraging informational educational content and people. And remember, please lead with compassion. I hope you enjoy this podcast for today. Remember, thes they're gonna be coming out for the next two weeks at least every single day. If you want the most recent positivity podcasts. As the format did change a bit over time, you can find those on the Patriot and tomorrow, which is the 21st of March 2020 tomorrow at 1 p.m. Central time. We're doing our first ever live video chat discussion. This is not gonna be through, Twitch. This is separate. We're gonna be checking in with each other on our mindfulness and our mental health practices. How we're doing how we're feeling and what we can do for each other and ourselves moving forward. If you'd like to participate in this, the $5 up two years on patriotic can participate if you are already on the patri on and you wanna participate? Send me a d m right now, letting me know that you want to participate, and I'll send you some information about it. I think that's it. Kind yourself kicks so much ass today and drink the fucking water rod. Drink that water. Hello and good morning. Welcome to another positivity podcast on this beautiful Monday morning. Today I wanted to choose an affirmation that I think we could all benefit from. And here it is. I free myself off. Others silent or explicit expectations. Not sure if you usually say these out loud with me, but I'm gonna repeat it again. To give you a chance. I free myself of others silent or explicit expectations. I think this one is important, especially as we start this new week off. Many of us, myself included, can get really bogged down by what we believe are the expectations of those around us. It's important that I emphasized that these are the expectations we believe they have when we're when we're speaking of the silent expectations, especially the explicit ones. You generally know exactly what they're saying because they're saying it Anyway, for me, I know I feel immense pressure to be on all the time because of my job. When I'm having an off day and I can't really be myself, I feel a CZ. Though I'm not only disappointing myself with my entire community, I don't actually believe this is the case. I don't truly feel that the community expects Onley perfection from me, but these perceived expectations can change the course of my day. For sure. I've seen a similar thing happened to parents. I know it's so easy to cut others slack when you look at their situation, but it is so much harder to just give yourself a break. So take this example that happened recently. Ah, friend of mine, if you're listening, by the way, please know we love the frig out of you. Ah, friend of mine was supposed to be coming over to hang out with some other friends. Naturally, we were very excited to see this person, but we had no expectations per se. We understand life can get hectic, and as adults, especially adult parents, you can't always do the things you want because family needs to come first. It's important anyway, This friend reached out to say they didn't think they'd be able to attend. Based on our messages exchanged. I believe they not only felt they were letting me down, but that they were somehow letting their child down by not being the perfect apparent. We have got to rid ourselves of those thoughts. They don't serve us. This person wrote to me, and I'm paraphrasing slightly to avoid outing. Who wrote it? My kid is melting down currently. I haven't been the best version of myself today, and I've gotten frustrated with them. They're very upset and I feel they need me. I hate to let you down, friend. I feel like a bad parent right now. Man, What a damn shame to not only be feeling like you're not the bust a version of yourself. On any given day, we've all been there. But then toe add the feeling of letting down not one but multiple people. I can only imagine how they were feeling. The thing is, I actually saw this as an incredibly positive message, but they didn't. I saw it as a parent who recognized their own shortcomings that day and wanted to stay in correct what they could by trying to be there for their child. I think that's incredibly admirable. And even more what parent hasn't responded to their kids with frustration? At some point it happens. We're human, We make mistakes. Sometimes we're butter regulating our moods, and we honor then we are on other days. It doesn't mean we're bad people or bad parents. Just means we're fucking people. Now. I believe this was a example of great parenting. Honestly, I think plenty of people would have reacted totally differently in that situation. I've had a hard day. I reacted harshly towards my kid. They're melting down. I need to get the fuck out of the house. Be there in 10. Have a beer ready, please. Even then, I'm not saying it's necessarily a bad thing. But the main point I'm trying to make is I was Loki applauding my friend for making what I believe to be a very loving, considerate and responsible choice by deciding to skip their night out to console their child while they were probably feeling worse and worse as they ponder just how many people they were letting down. This and tons of examples like this are why today's affirmation is important In my opinion, we allow ourselves to feel bad over things that we may be perceiving totally wrong from the start. So free yourself of those silent expectations, not just because it's not helpful to hold on to all that negative energy, but also because you might be wrong about their expectations entirely. I free myself of others silent or explicit expectations. Now, what about those expectations that are explicitly stated? Those may be a bit harder to get past because you don't have the benefit of being able to say I may be perceiving this wrong because they're saying that shit right to you. The key here, in my opinion, is to remember, you don't know anyone anything. They may expect all sorts of things from you. But the important thing is to figure out what you expect of yourself and why. If you take the time to get to know yourself, you'll also start to see your own goals clearer. This makes it so much easier to push away the expectations of others because you can clearly state this is what I'm doing. This is why I'm doing it. Thank you kindly for your input, but I am going to focus on doing what's right for me. Here's an example of that from my own personal life. I had a corporate job for years and it was slowly driving me fucking insane. I loved my work, the work itself and the challenges I was able to face and overcome. But the work culture, my boss and the amount of stress I was under it was all starting to drive me insane like just fucking crazy. I was having a hard time sleeping at night without grinding my teeth. I was constantly stressed and under deadlines that were straight up. Ridiculous at times. Many times they were set up that way because my boss wanted to hold everyone to his standard, which was come in early. Stay late, bring work home. Don't take sick days. Never be laid on assignments, etcetera, etcetera. Very unhealthy. I was expected to act as though I was in his position. Yet I was being paid far less than he was and was given about 1/10 of the fucking respect. One day I finally had it. I decided that even if I had to go back to poverty which I had faced earlier it would be better than staying there. I mean, I thought long and hard about it. I have some other side jobs. I had some businesses. I was running on the side, so I had some belief in myself that I could make it work. But even imagining my worst case scenario, scraping up changed to fill my gas tank so I could hit the staffing agency at 5 a.m. Every day on Lee, buying chicken and rice so I could share meals with my pet safely and save money on food and dog food, getting evicted, living in a tiny apartment. None of it seemed that bad compared to another day of that bullshit. At that job, another day of being disrespected, overworked and under fucking paid. I just couldn't do it. So I quit. I did it the right way and gave notice and whatnot. But I left the company a month later and really never looked back. Where the expectations aspect comes in was when I told my mother about my decision. I absolutely love and adore my mother. But her response to me quitting was to get upset. She criticized me for leaving a well paying job to work from home, told me I could go back and see if I could get back in with the company. I told her I wasn't gonna do that. I was going to figure out a way to make it on my own. This was an ongoing argument and kind of still is to the stay, though lately it's been much easier to shut down and not get locked. Locked into a long discussion on now, I simply say I did what I did for my health. I was miserable at that job. I was grinding my teeth so hard at night from the stress that I would wake up with severe jaw pain and headaches. I may not be financially stable right now, but I feel better. And to me, that makes all the difference. I can understand her reasoning for being upset. She's my mom. She doesn't want to see me struggle. I get it. Those expectations of continuing on my corporate path were explicitly stated, and they used to drag me down. It took a while for me to get to the point where I could feel free of them. It took me trusting myself and my reasons behind my actions to be able to free myself from being locked in the guilt of letting someone else down. I free myself of others silence or explicit expectations. So my advice to you today is to repeat this with all the confidence of a person who knows and trusts themselves and then start taking steps towards getting better at both of those things. Knowing yourself and trusting yourself deep down in your gut or in your soul, however you'd like to view it, you know what is right for you and what is not. So why let someone else's expectations ruin your day or your mood? Free yourself from them. If you're thinking to yourself right now, what if you don't know what you want or need? My advice, then is go find out. Start working on yourself. Start learning about your mind and bodies. Start pursuing the things in life that you're passionate about. Identify the things, activities and people that bring you joy and gravitate towards them. You can be emotionally free, fromthe weight of others expectations, but you are the one who has to decide to be so today. On this lovely Monday make the decision to be free. Make the decision to live your life for yourself and for your goals. And don't let anyone stand in your way. I free myself of others silent or explicit expectations. Thank you for tuning in. Thanks for the support. Now get out there and kick some ass today. Kick it, Kick it real good. Okay, bye.