Original Broadcast Date | 10.03.2019
This podcast was another delight for me to record.
Camdelle is a great photographer and great friend to myself & the rest of the community.
It was great hearing more about how she got into her current role as a photographer and where she plans to go from here.
-----
SPECIAL GUEST INFO --- Amber Catherine / "Camdelle"
Website | www.camdelle.photography
Twitch | www.twitch.tv/Camdelle
Twitter | https://twitter.com/Camdelle_
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/Camdelle_/
-----
Make sure to become a patron on Patreon to support future content!
-----
Jessy (Mind Of Snaps / SheSnaps)
www.MindofSnaps.com
CONTENT --- Twitch | Youtube | TikTok
SOCIAL MEDIA --- Twitter | Instagram
Snap Pack, Best Pack - Join the Community Discord!
Original Broadcast Date | 10.03.2019
This podcast was another delight for me to record.
Camdelle is a great photographer and great friend to myself & the rest of the community.
It was great hearing more about how she got into her current role as a photographer and where she plans to go from here.
-----
SPECIAL GUEST INFO --- Amber Catherine / "Camdelle"
Website | www.camdelle.photography
Twitch | www.twitch.tv/Camdelle
Twitter | https://twitter.com/Camdelle_
Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/Camdelle_/
-----
Make sure to become a patron on Patreon to support future content!
-----
Jessy (Mind Of Snaps / SheSnaps)
www.MindofSnaps.com
CONTENT --- Twitch | Youtube | TikTok
SOCIAL MEDIA --- Twitter | Instagram
Snap Pack, Best Pack - Join the Community Discord!
Welcome to the mind snap podcast with your host chef AJ. She's a popular twitch broadcaster, photographer, entrepreneur and adult advocate. In this future cast expect to fall along with snaps as she learns more about her mind the world and her fellow humans. It could get messy, but stick around. You might just learn something as you enter the mind of snap.
Unknown Speaker :Okay, we are starting another minute of snaps podcasts on fucking site. Okay, I got to remember how to get to my shit here because I set up the scene last time it's probably gonna be a mess for the live broadcast viewers.
Unknown Speaker :Did I do it? Hey, I'm gonna go to jail.
Unknown Speaker :We have like just this much of you which I enjoy that we only have your cute face. And then just hiding in the bottom of the frame, but that's fine. Um, so this week, we have a special guest, we're going to be talking to my friend camdo who is a another Chicago local, and she's a photographer, a really cool friend, really smart person. And she just started streaming on Twitch, which is fucking dope. We're a big fan of that, right? So it's exciting. We're gonna, we're gonna talk to her about her life. So cam Say hi.
Unknown Speaker :Hi. Hello. How's everybody doing tonight?
Unknown Speaker :Don't ask them questions. How dare you? I know you're here to talk to me. Not that
Unknown Speaker :I know. I'm so excited to finally do this. We've been talking about this forever. So
Unknown Speaker :if we have exciting we have and we're probably gonna bounce all over the place today. I was honestly gonna reach out to you a while ago, because I was just like, you know, sometimes your space now like sitting like smoking, enjoying staring out the window. Yeah, suddenly you're like, Huh, I don't know. Like this guy. of someone's life. Right? And I was thinking like, what the fuck did you do before photography?
Unknown Speaker :A little bit of everything on it. Yeah, um, I miss a lot of service jobs. I did you know ice cream scooping I sold pools from the age. Oh, yeah, we talked about Yeah,
Unknown Speaker :cuz we have a full
Unknown Speaker :it's such a weird thing in common but it is yeah, we both did. I started working really, really young. I was 13 I wanted my own money. I wanted to be able to go out and do the things back then. My parents, my parents weren't as well off as they are now. I'm not saying that they're like Rockefeller or anything. But you know, they're doing well enough to now be relocating to Florida. So you know, that we had to we had to work really hard to get anything and rise in life. So
Unknown Speaker :that's so wild because that was literally when I got my first job, too. I was Yeah, I was 13. Like, I had been working before that because it was the same thing. Like, you know, we weren't necessarily worried about like food on the table kind of stuff. But we weren't like doing that. Well, especially after my dad had retired from the fire department. Right. So like, as soon as I could, I was out there trying to find any kind of job I could do. Like, can I mow your lawn? Can I shovel your driveway? Can I babysit your kids? Can I say him up your dog shit, take them for a walk. I tried to invent all kinds of different businesses. I probably made a million fliers in my lifetime. For like many businesses that I would go to like the neighbor's houses and be like, Can you just pay me for this? Please? Like, I'll just just come on anything you need. What do you need?
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, were you also that kid who used to make like friendship bracelets and try to sell them for like two bucks, five bucks at a time? Anything I can
Unknown Speaker :say I did that at camp. I sold the little bracelets. Yeah, it's funny because I didn't really pass any of my classes in high school because I barely went but I I would go in on off if people paid me to write their papers for them. Just like writing papers in high school is not a super challenging thing. I'd be like, Listen, you're not going to get the best grade on this, but you're going to get at least like a C, depending on what the subject is. Maybe you're going to get a B, but it's better than not turning anything in and I can sit there and turn it out quick. Right? But yeah, oh man,
Unknown Speaker :high school for me. It was fine until about the end of my sophomore year right before my junior year and all of a sudden my hormones kicked into overdrive. And once like that was the thing it was like schoolwork what I have other things to do and other things. arable. I know. But you know, eventually things calmed down and I moved around a lot, a whole lot.
Unknown Speaker :I moved around a lot.
Unknown Speaker :I did. I wanted to get out of here. I spent a lot of time trying to get out of Chicago, of course only to end up back here and here for the duration And so I moved to a couple other places I didn't get really far, at least at first. I was in Michigan for a little bit. I was in Iowa for a little bit. And then I spent just under six weeks in Australia, so that okay, and adventure,
Unknown Speaker :that's a jump. You're like, I went to Michigan, I went to Iowa, and I'm like, Oh, yeah, so kind of similar to kind of similar to Illinois, but with more corn. Yeah. And then you're just like and Australia. Oh, okay. What the fuck? How the fuck
Unknown Speaker :yeah, you end up there. Um, of course, yet again. It was it was for a guy. But, you know, again, that was my misspent youth of the last dozen years of my life. I have just basically been in work overhaul. So, of course, you know, once your wild years are over, you do have to grow up eventually. And when am I supposed to do that? Well, you know, to a reasonable extent. You're not okay.
Unknown Speaker :Something down. I might be missing some.
Unknown Speaker :Um, I feel bad. I mean, I think we both related on that pretty quickly on Yeah, we made some poor choices when it came to menfolk, but we learned a lot from it. Yes. And now look at what we have.
Unknown Speaker :I know it's wonderful. It's so wonderful to hack
Unknown Speaker :in cuties. They really are. It's too much and I saw your man in chat just like, acting like He's, uh, he's the cool mom and Mean Girls standing in the aisle with a camcorder doing the dance with you right now. He's so fucking proud.
Unknown Speaker :Actually, it's funny. He's actually down the hallway locked. Well, okay, not locked in the bedroom. He is in the bedroom.
Unknown Speaker :And of his own accord.
Unknown Speaker :So he's not being forced to stay in the bedroom. He's just here for moral support. Oh,
Unknown Speaker :you were like you want to go to your room and he was like, you're like good. You're going on your own.
Unknown Speaker :But he's very supportive. He's been incredibly supportive of this whole thing. You know, not just the streaming thing, which has been wild, but also like getting back on my feet. And finally getting back to photography, which I kind of dragged my heels on for a while after shutting down for my little temporary hiatus. But it actually feels so good to be back to all of it to all of it. I mean,
Unknown Speaker :now, it's like you're making very deliberate choices, right? You're not just like kind of stuck in it because it's what you wound up doing. Now you're like, Okay, turns out I did like this, I can go back and do it and enjoy it. Yeah, and then doing photography.
Unknown Speaker :I have been doing photography for professionally, you know, like officially registered and all that for just under nine years. My ninth anniversary is January 1. But this was supposed to happen about two years after that, or two years before that. But you know, of course, things happened and I ended up getting Pregnant twice. So I waited until my son was a couple months old and I said, Alright, enough, baby is it's time to get to work.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah. I feel that. Damn. So I know you did you did boudoir photography, right? Yes. And you do like obviously portraiture and like family stuff. Yeah, what I do everything favorite.
Unknown Speaker :My favorite is food or by far hands down. Like them titties?
Unknown Speaker :Yes.
Unknown Speaker :I really do. Well, no, it's not just that. It's a, it's hard to explain because so many people even, you know, in 2019 there's still such a stigma. I agree about the whole thing. You know, and a lot of my clients are, you know, people like teachers, young nurses, who if God forbid, these photos actually ever saw the light of day, there was actually an article about something that happened to a girl who had posted bikini photos just the other day. Oh, I saw it. Yeah, and the company dragged her through the mud for posting pictures. pictures on her personal profile instead it's unprofessional he
Unknown Speaker :or she had a rockin BOD dude that was a huge suit. And that was so hypocritical when you saw everyone else bringing up the posts from the social media company or the earth for the company that like was looking to potentially hire her right it was It even had like cursing in the title of it you'd think that of all places they would be very lacks.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, it seems so strange that they it's so hard but it's the same thing and you know when people come in any people and I mean you know men women older younger it doesn't matter who the the main goal is to make them feel comfortable because everyone is always always nervous. You can't do no amount of preparation. No, you can do it the right
Unknown Speaker :way. It's like huh, I found that getting when I when I did boudoir I would try to tell the women like grab a girlfriend or two let's go rent a spot that's really nice so we can get some good photos with everyone will do a full day and then I would encourage them them to like bring bring mimosas or cocktails or something? Yeah, because you get like two or three girlfriends in a room and then like, titties are out. Everyone's posing. They're cheering each other on like, Oh my god, yes girl, but when they're when they're by themselves it is a lot. You're coaching them into recognizing how beautiful they are. Oh, yeah. And that's so tough for so many of them if they're so like, withdrawn and afraid and uncomfortable by the idea of it and you're like, Listen, this isn't this isn't about to be some, some real raunchy stuff here. This is gonna be very tasteful and beautiful and you're gonna see how gorgeous you are.
Unknown Speaker :Exactly. That's exactly it. And you know the level of raunchiness for me as you know, the photographer enabled so sort of scale where my limits are. You know, the raunchiness level. It's kind of up to the client as far as I'm concerned. But it is always always better to bring a friend. You know a family member who you're really really close with a girlfriend. Who you're very close with. It's a very bonding experience and it helps so much because you feel so much more comfortable. Yes. being around people you already know.
Unknown Speaker :Yes, I did. I did a boudoir shoot for a woman who was getting married. It was her second marriage, and she was probably late 50s, early 60s. And like she had this really beautiful back piece tattoo that she really wanted to show off. But I remember her saying, like, tell everyone you know, to get these pictures when they're young. You're gonna want to remember how great your body looked. Yeah, because we all think that we're so awful. And then like, suddenly that thing that you think is so awful starts getting wrinkly too. And I was like, Oh man, I feel that's so hard. She's like, remember, get the photos of your body. You're gonna want to look back on them. I am okay. Yeah, and
Unknown Speaker :it's not just it's celebrating the little moments celebrating you are empowering yourself and you know, creating confidence It's it really is a confidence booster. The people who walk into the studio are not the same people who walk out there bouncier Oh yeah, they're, they're brighter, they're happier they, you know, they're like man, I'm gonna go stop like here and there. I'm gonna like show off my makeup that I got on my hair. You know? It's all I love.
Unknown Speaker :I love that especially when they when they have a couple friends there with them. Those those are always just so fun. God Yeah, that that was one of my favorite types of photography too. But I think I always liked doing the more like creative portraits being able to go out with someone and like plan a shoot kind of like we do now except Yeah, you know, I'm not the model yet that my friends well,
Unknown Speaker :please, you are really good. If you don't give yourself enough credit, you're actually a very good model. I've had some that are very stiff and hard to direct and
Unknown Speaker :and, and you are not that at least not in that way.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, I think it's definitely hard when you've been photographing people for so long, right? And then you're like, oh, man, okay, so remember everything you used to tell them but you're like not able to see it the way you see it on them. Yeah. So you're like, Okay, I think I would have do I you know, it's just comfortable. Yeah, know exactly how to move and like, some of my girlfriends were just, like, straight up amazing models, so much movement, so much confidence in SAS, and then actually working with friends who are professional models, like my friend Anna. Like she's a Ford Model shooting with her as a trip, dude. Her movement is so beautiful, and it flows and you're just like, how are you moving your body in such subtle ways and making such a great fucking photo for me right now? Like, get the fuck out. Why does this look so effortless for you? It's challenging.
Unknown Speaker :And, you know, I bet it feels Less effortless for her just like it does for you. You know what I mean? It's all it's all how you're looking at it. It's about perspective, man.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah. Although for Anna though, I think it actually does feel that effortless just cuz she's been a model for forever. Like, that's been her main job. Since right teen, she just got a promotion. But like she teaches flow classes and stuff too, so that she can help show other people how to move. So I think she may be at the point where it's effortless, but she didn't start that way.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, right. It takes it takes practice. And actually, I've been having a lot of feelings about that, especially these last few days as I've been on the other side of the camera, which is completely foreign to me.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, it's fucking weird because when you become a photographer, it's not even just in the sense that like, for work, you're always behind the camera. Like the question you get from every friend or family member when they're having a party and you're invited. Pretty much guarantees that you're gonna stay on that side. Right. Yeah, they're, they're like, hey, you're coming. Right? And you're like, yeah. And then the next question they ask you is, what
Unknown Speaker :are you bringing your camera? Yep.
Unknown Speaker :Exactly. And you're like, Ah, yeah.
Unknown Speaker :Well, my family learned pretty quick for me Actually, I had some thoughts that because I have a very large family and, and it got out of control at one point, and of course, I will, you know, go out of my way and offer free sessions, especially to those people that I love. But when I have time, and when it's convenient for me, and God, you know, you know, back when you were doing wedding photography, the last thing you want to do is spend your weekends off weekends, which are so rare, and so precious, photographing your own damn family, you know?
Unknown Speaker :And like, oh, it got to a point where when my friends would invite me to stuff, I would start balancing out the friendship level like maybe I just don't go to the party. Because I would have brought my camera I would have looked for a few special moments. and been like here, here are some special treats for me to you, I saw you and you're grabbing cute shit like that. But then as soon as they asked like, are you bringing your camera, it's pretty much they want to be able to like, like flag you down and say, Hey, come get a picture of this. Did you get a picture of that and you're like Oxo I'm booked for this event. This isn't a Hey, do you mind getting a group photo at the end or something?
Unknown Speaker :This is like, Hey, your interaction changes. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker :you're hired. Oh man, I had I had a friend who kind of took that for granted for a while, like years and years back. And I remember being like, it's cool. They're good friends. I'm just gonna like continue to do these, whatever. And then like, three shoots in and these were long shoots two, three shoots in. This friend offered me a pair of jeans that didn't fit her anymore. And they were really nice designer jeans. I think they were like, like somewhere between 100 50 and 200 bucks or something like that. So she offered them up to me and I was like, Oh, yeah, dope, like they're cute jeans. I would love that. And then she, as she told me, she's like, okay, so it'll be like 150 I think forum or I don't remember what the number she told me was. And at that point, I was just like, you know what, let's just call it even for the last shoot then. Yeah, and she just nothing after that. And so after that, whenever we talked about shoots, I was like, Hey, I'm offering them a discount to my family and friends. Would you like one of these? Yep, packages? Uh huh.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, it'll family discount, you know,
Unknown Speaker :I think honestly, like, I think she kind of picked up on the idea that there was a lot of work involved in it at that point, because she always paid over and above and she was very, like, nice after that. So I think it did click I don't think she was being malicious. She just wasn't thinking, time, money effort at all that a lot of people don't. A lot of people don't realize just how much time and preparation and Planning and learning that photography actually involves And much like lots of other industries like, like folks who get into, like web development and coding, you can't just like learn it and then stop and kind of just hone your craft. You have to learn it and then stay on top of current trends and stay on top of current technology and there's an investment involved. Yeah, it's a whole fucking thing and then people just reduce it down to the most ridiculous baseline like, Oh, you must have a really nice camera, but you get good pictures out of that, like, yeah, I taught it everything it knows. Damn, I would have killed for that line years ago. Yeah. Oh my god. Usually I would just say like, Listen, give me your fucking phone. I'll take a better photo with your phone than anything. You're gonna get like this camera. You holding it? It's not It's not the equipment. It's the person using the equipment. Yeah, pain in my ass and I loved photography, but holy shit. I'm glad I don't have to do it. Like for people.
Unknown Speaker :Pay more as I'm delving into that, at the moment,
Unknown Speaker :when that was when that was one of the earlier businesses that I launched and it happened to be something I was passionate about. I was definitely grateful for every shoot like I was president. I enjoyed it. You get into that mode when you're there. Like, oh, I have to shoot today. I don't want to do any you get there. And you're like, Oh, yeah, this is this is a special thing I get to do for people. Yeah, dope job. It's just exhausting. It is now like that plus this I can't.
Unknown Speaker :Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And that's why as soon as I'm you know, leveled out on on the streaming thing, it's going to be very rare. And it's going to be mostly hopefully for my photography, it's gonna have to be more video games and photography until that picks up again. But yeah, I had my website back up and on Google for about, I don't know 1218 hours and I got like six calls. So I think I'm gonna be alright, it feels
Unknown Speaker :and I really hope that we'll be able to Get you some more stuff in the gaming industry? Because I think I think as we both get a little better at working together and at creating some good visions for the shoots we do, yeah, it'll, it'll give you even more opportunities to shine. Because you know, we've been going relatively almost commercial. Yeah. And then sometimes I think about it. I'm like, wait, why are we doing that? I think it's just because both of us fell into that, ya know, because that's what we both did for so long that I'm not even thinking like, ooh, let's go get fucking weird over there and do yeah, this weird, like through the glass kind of shit. You know?
Unknown Speaker :It's really weird with you anytime. Oh, yes.
Unknown Speaker :Um, but I would I think that you could do great things in in this like gaming kind of cosplay twitch space too. And I think a lot of people would enjoy certain aspects of like having their photos edited on stream even, depending on the ones they were because I imagine some of them they'd be like, why did you just like it off this this picture of me looking like this, you know, right people might be sensitive but yeah be cool.
Unknown Speaker :No, I completely agree and actually as far as like body modifications that is one of my hardline rules with the exception of some boudoir photography and this is on a case by case basis, I pretty much never retouch anybody's body. You know, if you've got lumps in your clothes that aren't your body, I will I will just leave them alone because that's how the clothes laid. It's not worth it. It's It's It's so superficial and silly and eventually I am able to say in a way that doesn't sound superficial and silly Of course, that it's it's just natural and you want to keep your photos as natural as possible. You want to keep the moment as it is, you know, so taking off 10 pounds like you're gonna look at those photos 20 years from now and remember that you requested to your photographer that they removed 10 pounds Amen. And you're gonna be like, Man, I wish I could see what I actually look like, like, I don't have those photos, I have these doctored photos of myself. So it's just it's not worth it. And honestly, a lot of my there's been very rare complaints about that rule. But I've had that rule for a very long time. Because again, I'm all about empowerment, and making people feel good and being themselves. Especially I agree. I agree.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, I think I think that's a hard thing, because that's one of the first things that a lot of middle aged women seemed to jump to was like the Can you edit me in a million different ways, please? And it was like, No, no, yeah. Even if I like actually wanted to do that. You would have to pay me a lot because you're talking about a lot of fucking time and effort to like, turn you into someone. You're not that worth it at all. It's a shame. It's a shame that we grow up. not liking our bodies and faces so much that we feel like everything needs to be Change, or we can show it to another person. I completely
Unknown Speaker :agree. It is a shame.
Unknown Speaker :Especially because those pictures the ones that they hate the most are usually some of the best pictures of them. You're like, Oh, yeah, you knew you you would you would know that. This is like you. This is Yeah, awesome shot of you. It really captures your spirit. It's got your smile. It's all these other great things. I forget things. Yes,
Unknown Speaker :I am. It's like I hate it. But why?
Unknown Speaker :Yes, that is probably the most heartbreaking thing when it's the like your favorite photo and they're like, Oh, this is the worst one for me. And you're like,
Unknown Speaker :no, that's the one you like the most part. Oh, goodness.
Unknown Speaker :I think we were even in that in that for this last one. Right? Yeah, sure that I was like, who I don't know if I like this one. You were like, damn it. That one. I really liked that one. I'm like, all right. I'm gonna trust you because I don't like you know, I see myself in a mirror but I don't see myself the way that people see me. It's definitely Very different things so I'm trusting the fuckin photographer to tell me if I look like a fucking weirdo. Right? Apparently I didn't so we went with it we posted it we shared it yeah other endgame shoot soon ish holy crap I'm so excited
Unknown Speaker :for that.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, that's gonna be dope I'm just what I saw of the initial designs are going to be super super cool. And I can't wait to see the rest of it and then actually get to plan and get to plan and I want to see what everyone else comes up with for their shoots. This time. I feel like it's lame. Like we're in level two of of this, like America's Next Top Model competition now, and we all have to really step up our shit. Yeah. Even though that's obviously not the case. No, gosh, no, Khan
Unknown Speaker :was happy with anything that comes out from anybody. You know, he's just so psyched and thrilled about the whole thing with good reason because everything he's putting out is obviously awesome. I can fire Oh, so good, but no, I'm very active. I really can't wait for next shoot. And actually I'm going to kind of rewind just ever so slightly and kind of go back to the video game thing that you were saying because it kind of all ties in together so first of all, thank you because the video game stuff and you know especially like seeing me walking around the convention with my camera and all of that. If you guys are hearing noise that's actually my parents down in the foyer. I apologize. This is supposed to be a live podcast recording but my parents are relocating to Florida so they have to drop off Stuff They Don't Want distraction free podcast. Anyway, as I was saying, um, the video game stuff. Yes, I envision us and I have for you know, since our very first talk, where we sat on your couch and watch charmed and laughed at the ridiculousness. You know, how many charmed
Unknown Speaker :I don't even remember it was so many but the one I vividly remember Is those floating dicks
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, so you and me we've been talking about it for a really long
Unknown Speaker :and various mental state arm
Unknown Speaker :and I think we smoked two joints back to back. Wow. Oh my god. Yeah. And then when we made a sale in jail said oh my god
Unknown Speaker :he made us such good sandwiches. Oh my god. Oh my god they were they were some bomb messages oh man
Unknown Speaker :motherfucking sandwich right now yeah that was like pepper jack and ham or something. Oh yeah, it's so good. What a great day that one
Unknown Speaker :was holy shit it really was. Oh man, we've had some adventures but anyway so
Unknown Speaker :this is just how this is gonna go. We should have Don't know.
Unknown Speaker :I think
Unknown Speaker :I think deep down we really did.
Unknown Speaker :Oh my god I just realized what a piece of shit I am looking at this Liam I'm so sorry. Liam was was over there not fully decorated beautiful tree didn't have his little lights on. You gotta get lit yo all right there we go okay continue on though please. Oh so
Unknown Speaker :long long winded story short I just we're gonna end up killing it in the video game slash photography slaves you know killing it yes
Unknown Speaker :yes what you're gonna come out to Arizona and we're gonna do some shoots out there yeah
Unknown Speaker :yeah you are like one of the three hole people in my life that I will actually come out to the desert for
Unknown Speaker :we'll try to plan around like ideal weather and if not then we'll do a date like day drive and go somewhere cooler. Yeah, that we're not just melting because yeah, like extreme heat is not my shit either.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, no, I there's no way to transport me in puddle form. So we're gonna skip the summers.
Unknown Speaker :I immediately thought of Alex Mack like like you're just some like Capri Sun absolute chick just like blooped down on the ground.
Unknown Speaker :Exactly. It's probably not inaccurate, you know? Oh my god.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, that's that's gonna be great though. And then of course, you're gonna move to Seattle and that'll be cool. We'll do some shoots out there. It's just shoots with like riles and den yell.
Unknown Speaker :What a life are going to be living a few years from now? What a life we're living now. I know. I mean, holy crap. This list here though, man. Wow, for real? Who? How many days are we at? Oh man, it's over 365 I know that for sure. It was like a week ago. I'm
Unknown Speaker :gonna have it on my phone super quick.
Unknown Speaker :You play your flute. I'm pulling it up on my phone
Unknown Speaker :to loot looted That's your flute noise.
Unknown Speaker :Yep, that was Thank you for helping me with that. You're so welcome.
Unknown Speaker :All right, it has been 369 days of course it has.
Unknown Speaker :Wow. Wow. Wow. Okay, so 369 days is how long it's been since we had a really good trip together like, like magic mushrooms. psilocybin psychedelic experience together. He
Unknown Speaker :was a real fun guy.
Unknown Speaker :It was quite a fucking day. And that was actually the first time during my trips that I experienced ego death. So it was like, especially notable for me, but we I realized this when I was also wondering like, what the fuck happened in your life before I knew you. Um, we haven't really talked very much about what happened during your trip. Other than that, it has been made such a lasting impression that you put it in your phone and we've been referencing that date. Yeah there since then about that being almost like our, our, like full send happiness date. Right.
Unknown Speaker :Okay, so I'm sort of, you know, pre contacts obviously, not something I do in my every day and the last time I did it was 369 days ago. Just like snaps I do not recommend doing it unless you have done a shit ton of research on your own. Yes, do not do this unless you are fully prepared and know about anything that could be a side effect. You know, just be smart. Do smart, natural drugs on your own accord. So, it had been a while since I had done anything you know, other than marijuana because I really love the marijuana. That's not a secret, you know, and to anyone who may be finding this podcast and watching this. I know it's should not A surprise to anybody who knows me, you know, it's been cheese, about half my life at this point. So, you know, that's not a shock. But as far as the rest of it, I tend to stay away because back in my early 20s during the days, you know, the dark days that we all tend to have, I did have a little bit of a cocaine habit. And that was, that was not good. And I recommend everybody staying away from that.
Unknown Speaker :I think that's a safe one to be like, Yeah, probably don't
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, snort stuff. Never, never, ever, ever, ever. So you know, being able to pick and choose and know what's good for you, what's not good for you. Again, part of the research. I went into this because I had, you know, listen to snaps talk about this for a little while and heard and read a lot of good things about the stuff we could do to help your brain and in every sense of the word not just internally but externally. I was stuck stuck for a really Long time just frozen in place. And like I'm starting to think about that day and I'm already getting emotional. I know
Unknown Speaker :I felt like oh my god just keep breathing just I know.
Unknown Speaker :Because it was so it was my unsticking. It was the point where things finally unblocked me and said, Listen, you are not alone. You can do this. You can move on you can be happy you can have all the things you want. There's no NCM course I'm going to start crying now. There's no backs each other before I know
Unknown Speaker :by the way, I don't know too fast together so before I start streaming we have like a lockdown don't send me anything nice. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker :yeah, we like we have like a 90 minute window. We're like alright, just shut up. Don't talk to me. Because if you make a stream,
Unknown Speaker :I might have gonna go on I'm gonna be pissed if you ruin my fucking Makeup by making me cry cuz I love you so damn much.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, yeah, exactly. But it It's hard to explain. You know, I I mean, you know, you know how hard it is to explain. But when I was driving home I actually called Dan and the best way that I can explain it was his the way that I explained it to him. Okay? So you know you're going through the motions you wait that first hour and you're like, man, I hope my stomach doesn't pick up I hope I don't fart in front of all these people. You know, like I don't want to be in the bathroom pooping my pants but thankfully I was good which is a miracle for me by the way.
Unknown Speaker :I'm
Unknown Speaker :like you did before I was like, let's all Yeah, sure we eat very clean. I do this like it does cause a little tummy discomfort for some folks. You're better off having like a real clean and happy Tom Tom.
Unknown Speaker :Right. You know, and so you go through the motions of that and then it starts to kick in and it's it's sort of like, I don't know, I it's such a weird cuz everyone thinks of it differently, but I'll just go with it. Feels like when I go on cruises, with my parents, just that sort of rocking some sensation, and everything sort of looks like the waves of an ocean. And then it sort of went internal. And I envisioned myself driving on a road. And I was going and going going, and it kind of just reminded me of my life or I was just stuck in this forward trajectory. And I would just keep going forward. And finally, like, toward the end of my trip, I hit a fork in the road. And down one end, it was all the things that I had been planning, you know, staying with my ex husband and moving to Seattle next year, and getting all the things that we had been working for, but, you know, staying in the same, same lane, it would have been the same thing forever, eternally in the same direction, it would have never changed. And in the distance, there would have been this new surprise direction, one I never saw coming. One I was you know, it looks scary. At the front, there's the brambles in the in the trees that look, you know, intimidating, like the Wizard of Oz, you know, Mm hmm. And then in the distance, there's this light. And of course, in that light, I see a face of, you know, the person who inspired me to do all of that that day, the faces of my kids who are smiling and happy and living the life that they deserve, which is the most important thing to me, in this whole world. So of course, after that day, I decided to not follow the path that was set out for me, but to take the path that may be a little bit harder, but in the end would make everybody happy. Hmm.
Unknown Speaker :That's so great. I so what's wild right is we're both tripping on mushrooms. So wait, what did you take two and a half.
Unknown Speaker :I took it the very beginning I believe it was two and something like 2.352 and a Actually, no, no, I think it might have been last because I know the second one was the big dose and that one was just fun.
Unknown Speaker :The first one was the doozy mind hacky one. And then the next one was just like, yeah,
Unknown Speaker :yeah, that was so the first one I remember was the one where I had my first ego death. And I was like, I don't even need a second trip. Like I gotta process everything that just happened to me. But what's crazy yeah, so like, you were in my living room and I was there and I was like, you know really fucking full on in it. I just disappeared into nothing slash everything for I don't know how long. Yeah, when I sat up, I was like, I have to write this down. I have to write this down. I have to write this down. And I started writing and my hands were like, this is not something you're good at right now. Do something else. I ran down the hall to my office, and sat in here and was just like church. Turning away at the keys trying to get plain any of the things that were in my brain at the time. And then suddenly I just had this like very strong vision where I was like, everyone who was in the other room, I started experiencing various versions of their lives, which were probably horribly inaccurate. You know, I'm not thinking that like I psychically looked into your childhood, but I got just this wild like slap of perspective of imagining what everyone went through. And it ran through so many different scenarios for every person, that I was like, Oh my god, I think I feel which one is actually accurate here. And I remember talking to Alex like, I had him Come and sit on the floor with me in my office while I was like, crying and then stopping because I felt so in control of my emotions, and then I would feel so overwhelmed that it would hit me again and they're like, No, wait, and sit up straight and be like perfectly fine. Yeah, but I was like, I know what it is. Pam's been really struggling with how hard it is to be a mom and she feels she has to So much on her back. She is so weighed down by pressure and she just needed a release. And I just like sat there and cried a little bit with him and talked to him. And I was like, I feel like I get my friends so much more. And I was just like, I think this is exactly what she needed. I think. I think cam is ready to let things go. And then I go back in the other room. And at that point, everyone was kind of like sitting up again. And you were sitting on the edge of the couch. We started talking and then boom, tears hit and you said exact same fucking thing. Yeah. And I was just like,
Unknown Speaker :What just happened?
Unknown Speaker :Yeah. Oh, I felt you too. Dude. I when you were like clicking away in the in the in your office, I was laying on the couch and I was looking out and I was just coming down. And of course, you know, I was listening to everyone behind you know, I was listening at home breathing. I was listening to everyone kind of milling about. And I was like, man, something something definitely just happened. You know? You know, kind of looking around like anyone else bustin out of that office and you're like, man, some just
Unknown Speaker :because like, you know how it is. And this is funny because like, I've guided a few other friends through their trips. Yeah. And the biggest thing that I have to tell them like while they're tripping is like, Listen, you don't need to tell me right now. I know what you want to say, I know that you feel this. This information is like life saving shit, and you need to express it. But like, hold it in continue learning and we'll talk after Yeah, but that was how I felt after I talked to Alex and I explained what had happened because it was like, man, I don't know if I fully even told told you all about it that day. Like what what I saw. Yeah, like, it was fucking crazy. And it was just this whole idea that like, my job was to translate the message that I had just received, essentially, which was, you know, we're all the same. We're all perfect. It's all that Stuff that seems so cliche when you're hearing it all the time. But when you feel it while you're hearing it, you're like, oh, whoa, yes, we're inside of me. Transcribed by https://otter.ai