Mind of Snaps - Positivity Podcast | Ep. 27 - "Expectations"

Welcome to "Expectations" - the 27th Episode of the Mind of Snaps Positivity Podcast!

This is a special podcast series that is separate from the regular Mind of Snaps Podcast, with a new release (typically) posted every Thursday for Patreon supporters!

It is my goal to create as much positive & encouraging content as I can during these intense, uncertain times we're faced with. 2020 has been so much more than anyone expected it to be, and nobody should have to take it on alone. The only way I can continue to do so, is with your help. Become a patron, subscribe to me on Twitch, you can send a tip which I'll turn into an investment... or you can simply share my content on social media. Every little bit helps me be able to continue to create the podcasts and other mindfulness & positivity based content in the future.

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Hang in there, friends... we're all in this together.

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You can find new Positivity Podcasts on Patreon every Monday, and as of September 2020 - every Thursday on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, & Stitcher!

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Jessy (Mind Of Snaps / SheSnaps)

www.MindofSnaps.com

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Transcript

Unknown Speaker : 0:00

Hello my friends, Happy Monday, or whatever day it is that you're listening to this, you know the drill, it could be Tuesday or Wednesday or whatever. I don't know where I'm going with this but just happy today. I got to start things off, as usual by thanking all of you for choosing to support the Patreon it really means a lot to me. And I'm really excited for a few new folks who have joined us so welcome new friends, welcome. Thank you for your support. Everyone who is supporting through Patreon and through subscribing to twitch and through the tips and bits and all of that you are helping me to live a life where I'm working hard to provide value whenever possible. And that means the world to me truly.

Unknown Speaker : 0:51

So this week,

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this will be I think, an interesting podcast. Normally when It comes to my positivity podcast, I think of what I'm going to talk about on Monday, somewhere around Thursday or Friday of the previous week. So Thursday or Friday, I kind of start thinking, What am I? If I dealt with a lot in stream this week, what if a lot of my DMS consisted of what's the theme of where people seem to be struggling the most in their lives. And then throughout the weekend, I tend to hone that message and try to create a cohesive story, something that I can use to talk about and help us all grow and learn a little bit more about whatever that topic is. Generally, I write out a script then usually either Sunday afternoon or early Monday morning, and then I record the positivity podcast. So it's

Unknown Speaker : 1:48

comical

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that this week, I wanted to do the topic on expectations because I've noticed that a lot of us have So much good in our lives, but we're not seeing it because we have expectations of more. And they're they're fucking with us day in and day out, right? So the reason why it's comical that I had this plan to do a podcast on expectations is that I had the expectation of doing what I've done in previous weeks and getting my writing done either yesterday or early this morning. Yesterday kind of disappeared quickly. I was working on stuff for G cx. So when I went to bed last night, I went to bed with the expectation that I was going to wake up somewhere around 5am and jump out of bed, make coffee, meditate, do my whole morning routine, journal, all of that, and then sit down with a nice clear mind and write out my script for my positivity podcast.

Unknown Speaker : 2:57

Well,

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there's a quote that's kind of perfect. Expectations are premeditated resentments. I had the expectation of what tends to be a typical Monday morning for me feeling energized, waking up kick an ass. But instead 3am this morning, I woke up. No idea why I was just alert. locusts buck. And I'm sitting there staring at the ceiling laying in bed thinking What do I do now? Do I get up and risk waking my boyfriend and getting the dogs all worked up and messing up their schedules? Do I just stay in bed which I know that when I can't sleep and I stay in bed, I tend to have like back pains from that or tossing and turning whatever.

Unknown Speaker : 3:51

thought about going

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and grabbing my iPad and writing out my positivity podcast in bed. But I didn't want to wake him yet again.

Unknown Speaker : 4:03

So there I just laid

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stuck in indecision, occasionally getting like little tidbits of sleep and then waking up again feeling worse than when I fell back asleep. So from 3am until around 8am, which was when we actually wound up getting up, I was just

Unknown Speaker : 4:24

in a fog

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and that fog carried forward into my day. So this is actually my first positivity podcast least as far as I can recall, where I didn't write a script for it. I sat here at my desk with this foggy brain of mine, trying my hardest to write out my thoughts on this and I just could not I couldn't I don't know what what was happening. It was like writer's block, but I don't know worse, I guess.

Unknown Speaker : 4:58

So

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I got maybe a paragraph or two written started kind of feeling frustrated with myself because I had the expectation that I was going to work hard today and get all this stuff done. And now here I am in a situation where I don't feel I have the brain power to actually do that. So I thought you know what?

Unknown Speaker : 5:18

I know what I'll do, I'll go take a quick nap.

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If I could just get 20 minutes 30 minutes like a power nap in. It would be so helpful. I could kind of quiet my mind a little bit feel a little more focused, maybe feel rested, just from like, chilling and not, you know, doing it deliberately. It's not a question of like, should I get up Should I not it was a deliberate action of resting. So I went in there again, with some expectations of feeling a little more well rested of feeling a little more alert after coming out of that. Some expectations of peace and quiet.

Unknown Speaker : 5:55

I figured

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Of course I was going to use my phone as my alarm bell I mean, who's gonna call me at this time of day when people don't really do that? Sure enough, though, as I'm laying there in bed, trying to get just a little bit of rest, so I can feel like my brain is working again. I get a phone call about I don't even know how long into it. And it was my mom. I didn't want to leave her hanging. So I answered.

Unknown Speaker : 6:24

So,

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expectations shot down yet again. But it worked out really funny. Like I really have been kind of laughing over the situation today because here I am with expectations of having this perfect, meaningful, mindful, productive morning.

Unknown Speaker : 6:43

And instead,

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I'm a little dazed, a little a little sluggish. So I decided, fuck it. I'm gonna go in. I'll just talk. I feel genuinely like generally that moment. To speak on things tends to be a little better than my ability to type them out anyway. So hopefully all of this makes sense. The last thing I wanted to do was not produced it I wanted to give you something to think about.

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And

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here it is.

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How often do you set certain expectations for your life that when they aren't met you find frustrated or you find yourself frustrated or angry because of them. And I I have examples of both sides of that of having expectations that didn't work out and because I wasn't attached to the expectation, I felt great. Like two positivity podcasts ago when I was talking about my my planned trip to New York for a nice mindful weekend. I, I knew that it would be kind of unrealistic for me to expect everything to go perfectly traveling out of Chicago in the middle of winter. Having to take connecting flights, you know, just the nature of travel is unpredictable. So I didn't lock myself into an expectation of actually making it to New York that weekend. My goal instead was to find ways to be present in every way possible. My intentions that I set, were to recognize the challenges that were presented in front of me and then rise to those challenges while feeling good. And because I wasn't hung up on the expectation of getting to New York, although I think that's a relatively reasonable expectation, right. You know, you plan a trip, you buy flights, there's some expectation you're going to can arrive at the place, right? But I was trying to be as realistic as possible subs, like, you know, you never know, right? I'm just gonna set that, that intention to be okay with whatever. And as a result when my flight was delayed, delayed, delayed and then eventually canceled. I still felt great because I was Wasn't stuck on the expectation, I was focused on the intention I'd set which was to stay feeling good that day to rise to the challenges and keep going. So that was one example of where releasing my expectations served me well. There are certainly examples of were holding on to expectations have messed with me. And some of them are very small. But you know, over time, all these little things, all these little ways we can learn to be mindful, can really help to change our lives. When my boyfriend and I started dating, we got very attached to each other very quickly. And I think we both had some expectations of where our future would go together. So it took us a while to get to a point where we could love each other and know that our expectations for our relationship may not actually happen. We are very grateful now to be in a position where we can confidently We say to others that wherever our relationship goes, we're just grateful for it. If we end up breaking up, if our relationship changes, and it doesn't meet either of our needs, for whatever reason, in the future, we know both of us will be okay. We're not attached to any specific outcome. That's, that's such a relief coming from previous relationships. And I know that I can trust it too. Because in the beginning of our relationship, my boyfriend Alex and I, we broke up twice. And one of the times I broke up with him one of the times he broke up with me, but on the time when I broke up with him, he actually did. He embodied that lack of attachment and expectation. He wished me Well, he was so kind about it. It was the nicest breakup I've ever experienced, which probably explains, you know, why we wound up getting back together, right? But there are times even in our relationship where I catch myself having a expectations for him throughout our day,

Unknown Speaker : 11:03

where

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I have to take a moment say, wait a minute, did I ever verbalize this diver vocalize this expectation for him to do these things? Or was it just how I was raised? Like, for example, for whatever reason growing up in my house, my parents kind of had a division of labor. There were certain jobs that myself and my sister were responsible for and certain jobs that my brother and my dad were responsible for. So like my mom would do all the cooking my sister and I would do a lot of the kind of basic cleaning, and then my brother and my dad would be responsible for making sure to take out the garbage and if there was like shoveling to do, things like that. It was very much you know, that whole masculine feminine stuff, but I didn't realize that I had bought into that idea that like, if the garbage is full, it's a boy's job to do it until I started dating my boyfriend in there. It'd be moments where I would find myself getting frustrated because I'm looking at this garbage can that's nearly overflowing. And I'm thinking, What is he doing? Why isn't he taking it out? We had never had that conversation like, Hey, I'll do these things, you do these things. It was just somehow I had that idea from my childhood, that this was his responsibility. So when he didn't do it, I would find myself getting upset. Ridiculous, right. So we've sent had lots of conversations about the division of labor in our household and who does what and all of that and it's made a big difference. But I've I've found that many times mindfulness can be so beneficial to releasing expectations, because it gives you an opportunity to stop and think about what you're feeling and where it comes from. And then ask some questions like, okay, so I'm upset at this person for these reasons. Is this fair? Is this an expectation that I put on them without ever telling them? Okay, So I'm upset at myself. For these reasons like I worked out really hard. I should have lost weight by now. And I'm sad now, but I haven't. Okay. Is that fair? Is it is it realistic to expect your body to change overnight? Maybe there's just something else you've missed. So rather than being attached to this outcome to the expectation of how things will be, bring yourself back to the present moment. How are things now what can I work on now?

Unknown Speaker : 13:30

expectations are premeditated resentments.

Unknown Speaker : 13:34

No very many quotes that are more more appropriate than that it really fits. So this week, think as much as you can about what expectations you have for yourself, for your career, for your life for your relationship. And then think about are these realistic? Can I maybe let go of these and find ways to just be grateful for where I'm at now. If you find yourself, comparing yourself to others and setting expectations for yourself based on what

Unknown Speaker : 14:03

other people are doing.

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Maybe it's time to let that go to start looking at your own life based on the progress you've made compared to the person you used to be. I think that's a much more pleasant framing then because other people have achieved this, I should have achieved this.

Unknown Speaker : 14:24

How are your expectations

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messing with you? And how can you recognize those expectations and bring yourself back to the present moment. For me today was a great example of that. My brain still feels fuzzy. I'm praying like hell that this is going to be a podcast that makes sense to y'all. I've promised to provide value and I'm doing my best to do that. But I'm really grateful that I wasn't too too locked in to my expectations of all these things going perfectly. Because now here I am feeling good, rather than frustrated. And that's what I want for all of you, I want you to be in a situation like that flight that I've talked about to New York where you can look at it and say, this moment itself is a good moment. So whether the outcome I seek happens or not, I'm going to enjoy this moment. I'm going to work and try and progress myself in some way in this moment. Think about it this week, think about your expectations. Think about how you can really bring yourself back to the present, and learn to be grateful in those moments. Learn how to be here now. And I think another delightful quote

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from ROM das that I really enjoyed was

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it was it was in reference to people thinking too far ahead and kind of stressing about the future. And his response was B Here now, because if you do that, if you're consistently here now, by the time then the future becomes now you'll be prepared. And truly, that's been my experience lately. So be here now. start letting go of those expectations. start comparing yourself only to your past versions of yourself, not to other people, not to social media, especially because that's a whole last lie. Be Here Now. Release expectations. free yourself from the hole they have over you. And make this week amazing. Manifest dope shit, my friends.

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I'll see you soon. Bye.