Mind of Snaps - Positivity Podcast | Ep. 46 - "Give Up Anger"
Mar 11, 2021Season 420Episode 46
She Snaps
Welcome to "Give Up Anger" - the 46th Episode of the Mind of Snaps Positivity Podcast!
This is a special podcast series that is separate from the regular Mind of Snaps Podcast, with a new release (typically) posted every Monday for Patreon supporters!
It is my goal to create as much positive & encouraging content as I can during these intense, uncertain times we're faced with. 2020 was so much more than anyone expected it to be, and nobody should have to take it on alone. The only way I can continue to do so, is with your help.
To help, you can: become a patron, subscribe to me on Twitch, you can send a tip which I'll turn into an investment... or you can simply share my content on social media. Every little bit helps me be able to continue to create the podcasts and other mindfulness & positivity based content in the future.
The format of these podcasts are forever evolving to reflect current events from personal to global, so I hope you are enjoying them. Please reach out to me if you have any suggestions!
Hang in there, friends... we're all in this together.
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Make sure to become a patron on Patreon to support future content! You can find new Positivity Podcasts on Patreon every Monday; Patreon archive positivity podcast episodes are available free for the community every Thursday at 4pm on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, & Stitcher!
Welcome to "Give Up Anger" - the 46th Episode of the Mind of Snaps Positivity Podcast!
This is a special podcast series that is separate from the regular Mind of Snaps Podcast, with a new release (typically) posted every Monday for Patreon supporters!
It is my goal to create as much positive & encouraging content as I can during these intense, uncertain times we're faced with. 2020 was so much more than anyone expected it to be, and nobody should have to take it on alone. The only way I can continue to do so, is with your help.
To help, you can: become a patron, subscribe to me on Twitch, you can send a tip which I'll turn into an investment... or you can simply share my content on social media. Every little bit helps me be able to continue to create the podcasts and other mindfulness & positivity based content in the future.
The format of these podcasts are forever evolving to reflect current events from personal to global, so I hope you are enjoying them. Please reach out to me if you have any suggestions!
Hang in there, friends... we're all in this together.
-----
Make sure to become a patron on Patreon to support future content! You can find new Positivity Podcasts on Patreon every Monday; Patreon archive positivity podcast episodes are available free for the community every Thursday at 4pm on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, & Stitcher!
feels like a good moment to take a nice deep breath.
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I know I start every podcast, I think by thanking all of you. And maybe it's getting redundant at this point. But I just feel it's so necessary. I want
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to keep reminding you of
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how much it means to me that you're trusting me with your time, even if it's only 20 minutes a week or whatever. And it means so much to me that you're helping to support these efforts of mine. I'm immensely grateful for each and every one of you, who supports this Patreon and supports the streams and all the other random things I do. Our bi weekly video chats have become such a highlight I look forward to and it has been so dope getting to know more of you on a deeper more personal level like it's just, oh, they're so special. Our last one was just this past Saturday. Our next one is scheduled for the 29th of the month at 1pm Eastern noon central yet again, if you have not yet joined us for one of those, I really really hope that you do because like I said, they're just, they're just special. There's something about them.
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Another exciting piece of news here.
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I also scheduled our first ever stoner chat or chill chat, whatever you want to consider it. I personally we'll be indulging in some doobie snacks, but you aren't expected to if you want to join it's just another way for us to get to know each other without a specific format, just
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chillin chattin hanging.
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Because of the high likelihood of not just me but others choosing to talk though. This particular event will be an 18 and older only event I don't think I even needed to specify that I think everyone who's likely to attend is but just had to go out there.
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Sorry, friends,
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this video chat sessions and be scheduled for three hours just like the other ones. And we'll be this upcoming Saturday, which is the 22nd. And it'll be the same as the other chats one Eastern noon Central. Oh, another little update. Our last community night on stream was this weekend. And it was really cool. Definitely, definitely, definitely check out the highlights on twitch to check it out. It was so inspiring. Oh, I think I said that about the last one but she's like every time they really get me. I cannot wait to grab my camera and wander around soon. Even just this morning walking the dogs for a little bit. I was seeing all these little things that I feel like I haven't been noticing in a while stuff that I can't wait to grab my cameras and go and shoot. Our next community night is going to be the 29th at six Eastern five Central and the next one is going to be open mic night instead of arch showcase night. And I'm really excited and interested to see what people choose to share because I just love, love, love, love these community nights. Anyway,
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I think
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that's enough updates and content reminders for now. I suppose we can just get into what I wanted to talk to you all about this week. During our video chat on Saturday, one of the conversations we got into was about anger. For those of you who have known me for a while, you are probably aware that I struggled with anger for a long time set up before but you know, that's that's where the name she snaps come from comes from where they're hard, but you get it. That was that was a big part of my identity even in the past few years, I have managed to make what feels like magic. of progress in how I react to situations that would have caused serious outbursts of anger in the past. If you have been following and participating in community discussions with us for a while, whether on stream or during the video chats, you are likely also aware that language is something I pay very, very, very close attention to. Now, those two things, language and anger tie in together
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deeply
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if I hadn't begun to work on my language, I don't think I could have ever gotten to the point I'm at today where I'm noticing this difference in my reactions and responses to things. So while chatting on Saturday, one of our friends made the comment. I have anger issues,
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which is the comment I used to say frequently,
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and now it's the comment that I hear frequently. So in partial just in response to our friend making the comment about having anger issues, I asked them to show me where they're anger issues were not where they stem from not the past experiences or, or you know how your family was or whatever that might have caused these anger issues but where they reside? Can you show me where in your body these anger issues and doing those big air quotes here exist?
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Okay, if they don't exist in the body?
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Can you Then show me which part of your brain houses these anger issues? I like to ask people this question because it gives them an opportunity to consider the validity of the statement. I have anger issues. It's safe to say things like I have a body, I have a heart I have skin I have a brain I have eyes. But to say I have anger issues, is making real something which is not really all that real, right like it. these are these are passing moments. It's phenomenal. happening in your body in your mind. It's your body reacting your the feelings of anger manifesting in certain ways in your body, maybe a tightness or attention or just a general kind of painful contraction or something. And then of course, there's the mental or the emotional side of things, you're having angry thoughts. And in a lot of cases, like, if we really dig into the thoughts, we find that it's not just this base level assigned word of anger, I'm angry, you are seeing frustrated thoughts or agitated or irritated or whatever, and you're feeling feelings in your body and at face value. It's just I'm angry. I have anger issues. So I wanted to talk about this. Because I think one of the things that we struggle with a lot is claiming these things as a part of our identity. And then as a result, we can't let them go We believe that these are things that are so inherent in us that are so connected to who we are as people that we have to dig super deep to sort them out and understand where it comes from. But we also have to accept that it's going to be with us forever, that I'm always going to have anger or always going to have anxiety or depression or whatever. But again, these are still just patterns of thought,
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and behavior and bodily sensation really.
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And if we remember the phrase, you are the sky, not the weather.
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You are the thing that stays
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you the soul, the spirit, whatever you want to consider yourself that will always be there. That's the only thing that will always be there the body is will come and go, the emotions will come and go, the feelings will come and go. None of that is solid in the way that we make it out to be. So by saying things like I have anger issues, I really need to work on that. We're setting ourselves up to continue repeating that pattern. But as soon as you start to recognize what it is just thoughts and bodily sensations, you start to realize that this is something with the right belief system that doesn't need to be worked through worked out fully understood, it can be something that you just
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release.
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Now granted, the process of release can be a bit challenging. None of this is necessarily easy, but it is a relatively simple process. The more conscious, alert and focused you can be, the more likely you are to notice these thoughts, these bodily sensations arising in you. And then you can question them, you can look at them, you can ask yourself, is this useful? Is this worth it? Based on me and my ultimate, my deepest belief systems? Do I really even care about this? Is this gonna matter in a fucking minute in a year, whatever. We hold on to so many of these things because we've been taught that they're real and that they have to be sorted out and sorted through and understood. But I'm starting to feel like it's the opposite. I think we just have to start bringing ourselves back into the present moment, so that we can notice everything that's happening. And then choose what we want to do from there. By saying, I am a person who gets angry easily, you are definitely going to ensure that you continue to get angry easily. Your brain and your body are listening. They hear the words you say, which are essentially you issuing directives to them. When these things happen, I get angry. noted, okay, when these things happen, we the body, the brain, we get angry. So when this trigger happens, let's tighten up the body. Let's get everything really tense and uncomfortable, clench up the jaw. And let's have all kinds of angry thoughts about how
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much this sucks and how much
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we shouldn't have to do. deal with this or whatever, there's always
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there's always something
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right. with anger specifically, one of the funny things about it is that our egoic minds are exquisitely well equipped at justifying it. And when you seek to justify anything, you will find exactly what you are looking for you will find countless reasons of why you deserve to feel angry, you are entitled to feel angry. Of course, you should be angry. This person has wronged you. Of course, you should be angry, you've been betrayed. Of course, you should be angry, you deserve better
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than this.
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These are the things that keep us
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stuck in something that really
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doesn't deserve to hold us that way.
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Anger clouds the mind it makes it harder for us to think clearly. It makes it harder for us to look at others and see ourselves in them. It makes us harder. It makes it harder. To look at the world and see that as ourselves as well, anger seeks to separate. That's another reason that you can see it as just another function of the ego which is always always seeking to create us versus them. My Stuff versus your stuff, the things that you've done to me.
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When you notice these things,
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tap into that deeper belief system and work to release them. When you feel those those urges to justify all of your reasons why you should be angry, remind yourself that that anger does not serve you. It gets you nowhere. In fact, it makes it harder for you to see your life and yourself clearly, which is definitely not going to get you any closer to your goals. And I'm telling you this as someone who was angry almost my entire life, I woke up angry I grinded my teeth so hard. At night, sometimes I'd wake up with headaches and severe jaw pain. I would go to sleep angry.
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I was just like,
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simmering with rage
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all the time towards myself towards everything else towards
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God knows what on any given day.
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It's something that I was raised with the people in my family that was one of their communication styles was angry outbursts. It's something that I also felt very justified in, I've always had this which means I will always have this and especially because of the way I was raised. I'm just an angry person.
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Bullshit.
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I'm not an angry person, you are not an angry person. You do not
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have anger issues.
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The issue is that you think you have anger issues and as a result, you hang on to them. In this exact moment, if you're not angry, if you're just chilling Why claim something that doesn't exist in this present moment, right? In this moment, if you're just doing your own thing, you don't have anger issues. That's something from the past, the way you've act in the past doesn't dictate who you are in this moment. Who you are in this moment dictates who you are in this moment.
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Give up anger.
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Give it up.
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Make the conscious choice to quit justifying something that does not serve you and decide instead to look for all instances of it, to start noticing it more without judgment, because it's very easy to be angry at ourselves for getting angry but if you slip up and you get kind of, you know, you fall unconscious, so to speak, and you're angry and you're you have an outburst before you even realize that,
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Okay, give yourself a break.
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And then be grateful because another situation just showed you where you were stuck. It showed you another A place where something outside of yourself could create a reaction within you.
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And I don't know about you, but I don't want that.
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I don't want the external world to have that power over me anymore.
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The last time I got angry recently, I think I talked about it in one of the podcasts, but I'm not certain it was over a neighbor who wasn't leashing their dog. And I felt so justified and I felt so of course, I'm angry. I'm upset because I'm, I'm mad because they are not considering that this is about their dog. I don't want their dog to get hurt. This is for them. It clouded my judgment. I was stuck in it before I even realized that I was angry. It took probably a day for me to snap out of it. And then when I did
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Ah,
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I was so grateful. Thank you, neighbor who did not leash your dog for showing me yet another place where I was stuck. Another way in which certain circumstances IE in this case someone not doing something that I believed was in their best interest could cause me to feel so
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tight again so
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early.
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I don't want to be feeling urge
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towards another person to you.
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especially knowing that that other person is just like you. They have this whole rich inner life. They've got all kinds of shit they're dealing with, they've got family that the whole mess, they got jobs that are hard. We don't want to be or them, right. Give up anger. Notice when it arises, let it go. Take some slow, deep breaths. force yourself to think about something that brings you great joy. Do your best to seek connection with those people or those situations that frustrate you. Look to find ways that
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connect you to them.
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Look to find the similarities between you and those people rather than the differences. Look to remind yourself, when you're frustrated by the world that you are the world. You're all of it. Quit getting mad at yourself. It's like when your kid and your siblings make hit yourself in the face, you know, like quit and yourself, quit it and yourself.
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It's just,
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it's silly.
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And I don't mean to trivialize something that I know can be a big struggle for a lot of us. But I think you'll you'll find that it really is kind of silly. And when you start noticing things more when you start recognizing it before you're stuck in it before you're actually angry and you're just seeing the angry thoughts or the agitated thoughts, or the frustrated thoughts or whatever and you start noticing the tension in your body. You'll be able to release it before you get to that point. Up until that dog incident. The last time I was angry was so long ago and I get frustrated. I get a little irritable. But the way I used to be angry so often is not a part of my life anymore. I refuse to
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allow myself to become that again.
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I do my best to stay conscious to stay focused to stay mindful. So that that old programming does not resurface. But when it does one something I could not have anticipated comes and catches me off guard, I think it truly I do. It's a teacher. It just showed me another place where I was attached to this idea that I was entitled to anger. And it just doesn't help anything. So this week, consider some of your own belief systems pay attention how often you're saying things like I have blank, or I am blank. I am a person who gets angry in these circumstances. I have anger issues. I'm a person who gets anxious in these circumstances. Maybe in the past, those are things That happened. But it's not attached to you. You can't point to it and your body or your mind and say, Ah, there it is. That's why it stays. It's just patterns. It's just phenomena occurring in this really cool body and brain experience that you've got going on.
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Let it go. Give yourself a break.
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Notice those things and then do what you can to refocus yourself on things that do serve you to release that tension through some deep breaths and stretching. Stay mindful by whatever means necessary. And I promise you soon enough, you will see that you don't have anger issues.