Mind of Snaps - Positivity Podcast | Ep. 47 - "What Do You NEED, Really?"

Welcome to "What Do You NEED, Really?" - the 47th Episode of the Mind of Snaps Positivity Podcast!

This is a special podcast series that is separate from the regular Mind of Snaps Podcast, with a new release (typically) posted every Monday for Patreon supporters!

It is my goal to create as much positive & encouraging content as I can during these intense, uncertain times we're faced with. 2020 was so much more than anyone expected it to be, and nobody should have to take it on alone. The only way I can continue to do so, is with your help.

To help, you can: become a patron, subscribe to me on Twitch, you can send a tip which I'll turn into an investment... or you can simply share my content on social media. Every little bit helps me be able to continue to create the podcasts and other mindfulness & positivity based content in the future.

The format of these podcasts are forever evolving to reflect current events from personal to global, so I hope you are enjoying them. Please reach out to me if you have any suggestions!

Hang in there, friends... we're all in this together.

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Make sure to become a patron on Patreon to support future content!

You can find new Positivity Podcasts on Patreon every Monday; Patreon archive positivity podcast episodes are available free for the community every Thursday at 4pm on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, & Stitcher!

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Jessy (Mind Of Snaps / SheSnaps)

www.MindofSnaps.com

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Transcript

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Good morning, my lovely friends.

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Hi.

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I hope you had an incredible weekend.

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I gotta say, thanks. Of course, we always start out with the gratitude, right? Thank you to all of the super awesome humans who showed up for our chill video chat session. This Saturday was pretty rad, our very first stoner chill hang session. It was, it was dope, no pun intended. And it was nice, just like hanging out with so many of you without having any kind of agenda. That's always fun, right? just chillin, seeing what comes up. Our next video chat session will be this upcoming Saturday. But this time, it won't be a stoner chat. It'll just be our usual mindfulness group. So come join us if you are new to the Patreon and you want to get more acquainted with some of your community members as we work together to bring more balanced to our lives and to our routines because we are people with routines. That session will start at one Eastern and go for three hours after that, at 6pm. Eastern, we're having our next community night. And it's our open mic night. Very many excited for that. That's on my regular twitch channel twitch.tv slash snaps. You know what, that's probably where you found me. And it's open to anyone and everyone. You don't have to be a sub or even a follower. I don't really care. Anyone who would like to spend five minutes on the mic. That's the night for it. You are welcome to read poetry. You can tell your short stories or read your creative writing of any kind. You can play music or sing as long as it's copyright free. Or Fuck it. You could even just talk to the chat for five minutes. ask some questions get to know the community a little bit better.

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Why not write

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things thanks again to every single one of you who has chosen to Support via Patreon. It has been so fucking awesome watching our little community grow into something that's just so very special to me. And doing this for two years now and it's just, it's cool. Keep telling your friends keep spreading the word about this. I think we've got something meaningful here and I really like it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for trusting me. And this group, this community with your time and with your energy. You're fucking great. Fucking great. Can you tell that I'm amped up today? I'm ready to go. Okay, okay, let's get into what I wanted to talk to all of you lovely beings about this week. This week, I want to bring some additional awareness to something that we discuss frequently on stream. There is a word I hear so often. And I think it's worth going into even greater detail on why this word should be paid closer attention to the word is me Take a second right now and try to think about the last time you said I need something out loud. Once last time you heard the words I need coming out of your face.

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I'll wait.

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Okay, hopefully thought of something. If not, it's something to pay attention to for the future anyway. But looking back now, if you take a second to analyze your usage of that word, how often do you say it when you could be saying, I would like how often are you saying I need to do X? language is something we spend a great deal of time discussing. Because language has a direct impact on our own individual realities. The way you see the world the way you interact with it. Our brains are designed To help us accomplish our goals, but unfortunately, without appropriate clarity, we tend to give our brains mixed signals on what goals need to be met for us to have all of our needs fulfilled. Think about it this way. Your body and your mind want you to have the things that you need. They want you to do the things that you need to do. Why aren't you doing them? Well, in addition to our bodies and minds wanting us to fulfill our needs, they also have another interest efficiency. Our brains and our bodies are constantly looking for ways to maximize our efficiency and conserve our

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energy.

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Why is that? survival, they want us to have the reserves we need when we need the most. If we are constantly hyper focused on a whole myriad of things. We're gonna burn through our energy reserves. If we spend the day wasting time utilizing all of our physical energy Same thing happens. So rather than let us overtax our systems, whenever possible, our brains will set us on autopilot. I think one of the best examples of this is evident when people get into the car. If you drive home around the same way every day, you probably are not consciously thinking turn left here, use turn signal, pass that car, you just do it. Many times, you're so deep in autopilot, that you're having this whole internal experience thinking about whatever it is that you're thinking about, when suddenly you realize you're about to pull into your driveway and you have no recollection of the entire drive home. Brushing your teeth, maybe another example or making coffee in the mornings. You get to spend time with your thoughts. Meanwhile, your body just goes and does. So again, how does the word need factor into all of this? Well, we're constantly telling ourselves a story. Whether we're doing it intentionally or not, and that story that we tell ourselves helps to dictate many of these unconscious behaviors. For example, if you tell yourself the story, when I feel stressed out, I just need to eat or I can't focus. What do you think your brain and your body will do? The next time that you're on autopilot and you begin to feel stress? In moments of stress, you're likely to find yourself standing in front of your refrigerator or your pantry without any conscious thought you'll just be there. When you really stop and think about that, though, do you actually need to eat or is this possibly a behavior that you could spend some time working on addressing and reframing? I've been there myself, I had a tendency to eat emotionally. And I caught myself doing this very thing. started telling myself the story of, oh, when I'm on my period, I just need everything. That's bad for me, or I need something that's salty right meat, something loaded with carbs. I recognized that I was telling myself a story that I did not want to be true anymore. Since recognizing this, I've been doing my best to redirect my thoughts to the story I would like to be telling myself which is, when I'm on my period, I take care to prioritize my health and my well being so I can feel more energized throughout it. During my last period, I was battling some extreme fatigue. And as the day wore on, I found myself craving this crappy, unhealthy stuff, just snacks and garbage and I unfortunately, learned recently that 711 delivers to my house. So in a moment of unconscious action, I opened up doordash and I added two boxes of shells and cheese to my cart,

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but

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So good, bad. I was so so close to buying that shitty radioactive cheesy pasta. Because my original programming was telling me I was gonna feel much better after eating it. After all, it's something I need. Right,

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right.

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Fortunately, my mindful practices kicked in the new story I started telling myself kind of came back, and I managed to stop myself for a second, which was all it took for me to say to myself, wait a minute, do I actually need this? Will I genuinely feel better after I eat it? upon a pretty brief reflection, it became glaringly obvious to me that I did not actually want to eat that crap. I started thinking about the last time I had it and how I thought at that time, too, that eating a box of that Garbo was gonna make me feel better.

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And when I was done

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eating, I felt worse.

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You're still bloated and tired. And once I ate Once I ate that crappy shells and cheese, I found myself craving other crappy snacks within a pretty short time after I finished eating. So that's just one example of how mindful awareness of our language gives us the ability to make positive life changes for ourselves. Instead of eating garbage. I wound up having a fucking salad that night, and I swear I'm not lying. It was so fucking incredible. I really love salads. I mean, I dress them up at some kado and their tomatoes and all kinds of stuff. But like for real, I felt great after and I felt so satisfied by it. I didn't immediately go to other cravings. I felt good because I had made the healthy choice for myself at a time when it was really important for me to do so. It's so much easier to make secondary healthy choices once you've made that first one. Another example of how the word need can kind of fuck us up is the example of saying something like I just need a Without any toxic people because they bring me down, or some variation of this, I need my boss to get off my back and let me do my job. Well, in both of these instances, how likely is this to happen without some kind of work? Let's go with the first one. I need

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a job without any toxic people because they bring me down.

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Well, with this sentence, we are setting ourselves up for future disappointments, for sure. What are the odds that any of us will be able to go for a long period of time without running into toxic people? how likely are we to find workplaces that don't have at least one person who is rude, bitter, entitled or whatever toxic traits they have? Sadly, it's pretty unlikely. Now, that doesn't mean give up on the search for a job with a good workplace culture or give up on working to change the culture within your own org. But to essentially surrender your control over your Your own internal state to this notion, you are giving the situation so much power that it does not deserve. Why not refocus that into being more clear about what you want and why, while also acknowledging your own ability to grow in your skills of compassion and reduce your reactivity to external stimuli. The same thing applies to the second example. I need my boss to get off my back and let me do my job. Is this really a need? If so, add some clarity to it. Why is that important to you? And, most importantly, what can you do about it? The word need should be a major call to action for

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each of us.

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Use it to recognize stories that you're telling yourself that may be setting setting you up to repeat unwanted behaviors, or use it to recognize areas where you could be putting in some more The example of I need my boss to get off my back and let me do my job. This is an opportunity to recognize how your desire for autonomy isn't being met, which leaves you feeling frustrated frequently. So the question becomes, what can you do about it? Should you take some time to practice your communication skills, so you can go and calmly have the conversation with your boss about how their habit of hovering or micromanaging is actually distracting? Is this something that seems unlikely to change because it's been brought up before and as such, it's time for you to begin looking for another job where you feel trusted and capable. Basically, anytime you hear the word need, it should be a call to action. The initial action is to question it without judgment, just questioning it. Do I really need this? Or is it just something I would like to have or something I would enjoy doing? If the answer is no then maybe rephrase reframe, use clearer language. If the answer is yes, I really need this. Then the next step is ultra ultra important. Go do something fast. Before you go back on autopilot. Take advantage of your momentary awareness and use it to move towards a healthy change for yourself. Make a sticky note to remind you set a phone alarm or depending on what it is, maybe you can just get up and go do the actual fucking thing that needs to be done before you overthink it and give up. I really need to do the dishes. Are you home, go do the fucking dishes. Get it off your plate, get it out of your mind, free up some of those mental reserves and some of

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that energy just go do it.

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In addition to seeking clarity, and or action in the moment, this could also be a valuable exercise to start Your day or your week with, grab a piece of paper and write down all of your needs on it. Like really what is most important to you? What do you feel you truly, truly need to live a healthy fulfilling life?

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Or to have a healthy

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relationship, healthy workplace environment, whatever. Once you have gained some clarity in your own individual needs, you can go a step further and ask yourself if your current belief systems, routines, and behaviors are helping you to meet those needs. If the answer is no, maybe it's time to change it up and make sure everything aligns without conscious reflection with the intent of gaining clarity. We all tend to wander through our lives more aimlessly, and that can feel really unpleasant. The days tend to blend together in a less than ideal way. We don't really Think about our goals for ourselves, we just try to continue existing. We deserve better than that. Another important aspect of determining your own needs is learning how to communicate those needs to others effectively. In the interest of keeping these podcasts short and sweet and help you get a good start to your day. I won't get into that too much. But there's a book called nonviolent communication, a language of life. It's by Marshall B. Rosenberg, and it's the third edition. nonviolent communication a language of life. Very interesting book, I think you'll enjoy it lots of good practical experience and exercises to use. I speak on the need for building better communication skills often. So take that time to work on these yourself.

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How can you expect

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to live a fulfilling life if you haven't identified your needs take an action toward them if they are ones that rely solely on you, or if you haven't communicated the needs you have in your relationships

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to others.

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Learn how to check in more, identify your actual needs, and then take action to either change up your behaviors or communicate those needs clearly kindly and compassionately to the ones that you love. You aren't asking for too much. You do deserve to feel good and be excited about your days ahead. Without knowing what really matters to you, this will be a much bigger challenge. So this week,

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remind yourself yet again

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to use the word need as a trigger for conscious thought and action. Notice it and determine quickly if you have changes to make to your mindset or your behaviors. An act quickly before you go back on autopilot.

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You are Awesome and you deserve good things

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you do.

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I believe in you, and I'm here for you. Now get yourself going, drink some water and manifest dope shit.