Original Broadcast Date | 01.22.2020
This was another LIVE recording for the Mind of Snaps podcast. This time I spoke with Valykas about his recent experience with psilocybin (magic mushrooms) and how it impacted his life.
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SPECIAL GUEST INFO --- Valykas / EveElleQueen
Twitch | https://www.twitch.tv/eveellequeen
Twitter | https://twitter.com/EveElleQueen
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Make sure to become a patron on Patreon to support future content!
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Jessy (Mind Of Snaps / SheSnaps)
www.MindofSnaps.com
CONTENT --- Twitch | Youtube | TikTok
SOCIAL MEDIA --- Twitter | Instagram
Snap Pack, Best Pack - Join the Community Discord!
Original Broadcast Date | 01.22.2020
This was another LIVE recording for the Mind of Snaps podcast. This time I spoke with Valykas about his recent experience with psilocybin (magic mushrooms) and how it impacted his life.
-----
SPECIAL GUEST INFO --- Valykas / EveElleQueen
Twitch | https://www.twitch.tv/eveellequeen
Twitter | https://twitter.com/EveElleQueen
-----
Make sure to become a patron on Patreon to support future content!
-----
Jessy (Mind Of Snaps / SheSnaps)
www.MindofSnaps.com
CONTENT --- Twitch | Youtube | TikTok
SOCIAL MEDIA --- Twitter | Instagram
Snap Pack, Best Pack - Join the Community Discord!
Look at me go look professional This is everyone look
Unknown Speaker :so good. Thanks
Unknown Speaker :I worked really hard on it I had to make Alex like answer a voice or a video call and then just like leave it up there for a while so it was kind of cute watching him like working on like doing poker stuff while it was just like adjusting all of everything I need to turn off stuff.
Unknown Speaker :Oh dude.
Unknown Speaker :If you were an alert you would be hiding she Oh, I've might not have put them on this thing like a smart person. Like a smart person. Oh my gosh smart
Unknown Speaker :person we got here. Hey
Unknown Speaker :Dan laughs All right. Okay.
Unknown Speaker :Um, This is that same Valley Momo of the drunk New Year's call. I still have to make a highlight of that. Okay, okay, we've got everything figured out people in the live stream. I love you, but I'm gonna stop paying attention to you all. I have a conversation with my buddy Valley.
Unknown Speaker :Hi. Hi.
Unknown Speaker :Are you
Unknown Speaker :really good? It was a good day. And I've been excited thinking about like, how different this experience might have been from your last one and you know, like, trips can go anywhere. Okay, so let's start with your first one though. Yes, just
Unknown Speaker :like a quick rundown of what that was like.
Unknown Speaker :Quick And down, it was very, um, it was very new, um, the people that I was around and the environment that I was in was just full of love and that impacted my experience so much. And my first experience was very, I'm kind of going into my past and accepting certain things and it was very hard for me to accept, um, but I was able to say past thank you for all of those lessons, but I need to focus on what's going on currently in the present. Um, and with that, I was able to you know, appreciate the love from everybody in my life. Um, and just kind of look at them and say, you know, this is what this is what I love about you. What I appreciate about you this is what you're bringing into my life that is effective and positive and full of compassion and empathy. I'm with that I was even able to look at myself and kind of appreciate the beauty in myself it was very much I wanted to explore and I did for a little bit but um it was very much realizing interactions between everybody in the worlds like how related we are how you know, close we are that we don't even really know it. So it was very, very, very just like
Unknown Speaker :to quote
Unknown Speaker :What's her name? Kendall Jenner is a really good like I had the moment of realization it was I was realizing so many things. I
Unknown Speaker :did not expect this to go to Kendall Jenner. That wasn't, that wasn't where I thought this was going. We're in like, deep conversation. About psychedelic experiences. Were Okay. All right.
Unknown Speaker :But no, it was there was a lot of realization between my relationships with people and people with each other, I guess, Hmm, yeah, you
Unknown Speaker :feel like you get a lot of clarity and like social structures and stuff.
Unknown Speaker :100% and, you know,
Unknown Speaker :I look back on my trip and in that experience, and one thing that I was like, you know, I wish I'd meditated more during it and the person that was helping me like they focused on meditation, and every time they're like, let's meditate. It was like, I want to go see the trees when I want to go talk to, you know, but every time that they brought me back, and I was able to meditate, it was such an amazing experience and it was a opportunity for me to look Be
Unknown Speaker :myself.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, absolutely. There's the Jason Silva talks about it with psychedelic experiences how you have radical self acceptance. And I think that's like the perfect way to put it hold on I gotta close the door I forgot that I have like dogs and people and trying to do recordings and stuff.
Unknown Speaker :I am such a professional.
Unknown Speaker :Okay, so that that trip was
Unknown Speaker :what was that it was like 1.5 grams that I took that round.
Unknown Speaker :So
Unknown Speaker :the second one was a lot different
Unknown Speaker :and how much time was between the first and the second?
Unknown Speaker :Um
Unknown Speaker :today
Unknown Speaker :was like in October so
Unknown Speaker :it was a it was a good like four or five months I think. Okay.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, I don't know time. Okay, I don't know time
Unknown Speaker :I just made it a thing,
Unknown Speaker :making it a thing. Okay. All right, that works. So this time what was different about like the prep work going into it and you know what before we even before we even jumped into your actual experience, because I don't think we've talked about this on the podcast before like I've had a few other people on what were your thoughts on psychedelics before you started venturing off in them? Like Were you always someone who thought this was like a good idea?
Unknown Speaker :Um, I was,
Unknown Speaker :you know, growing up, you're always told about like, drugs are bad. And so like You know, shrooms is always like a bad thing. And I'm going into it into it. I had a lot of positive, like, research on it where you know, psilocybin has the same like, chemical structure as serotonin. And when you ingest shrooms instead of like, let's say ecstasy or something, what happens is is it you know, it essentially ecstasy dumps all of your like happiness basically. So where shrooms or Silva psilocybin in general, they, they stop the production and kind of take over they're like, okay, you're good. Take a rest, we got this. So essentially, it helps with your serotonin production afterwards. So all of that research that I was reading about how beneficial it is, I was like, okay, I've kind of feel good, but I don't have like an opportunity. To take it and then like, the opportunity was literally right there and I was around people that I loved and cared about and felt comfortable with. So I was like, You know what? Let's do it. Like, let's just go for it. And I, I feel lucky that I wasn't like, okay, you have to plan for it. Luckily, I was in the mindset where I was kind of ready for anything. So I was, you know, when the opportunity came, I knew that the mindset that I was in is, is perfect, and I'm ready for it.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, yeah, that's a big fucking part of it. Holy shit. I can't believe how many stories I hear about people taking mushrooms like at parties and listening to metal and stuff and I just, it like upsets me so deep in my soul I can't even imagine and like I understand metal is great. I like to listen to it myself sometimes. But the idea of like, tripping and being in like a new situation. Where that kind of like aggressive tone music is playing? I think it would just be so uncomfortable.
Unknown Speaker :Oh 100% that was like one thing is you are you're open for anything like you can pick up on a mood like that and there was like a moment when my first trip was happening there was a dog who just I knew that I reacted in a way that was too much hmm dog picked up on that and I picked up on that and I was like, Oh my god, I know the dog because the dog just like right like it got all it felt my energy and it was a very, you know, nervous energy and right then in there, I was like, Okay, I know that I need to just bring it down. This is what's happening. So you're very aware of all that and susceptible to any sort of mood in the room?
Unknown Speaker :Oh, yeah.
Unknown Speaker :So luckily, you know, but hearing like metal music I could not imagine a party with like strangers that are just
Unknown Speaker :everyone's all all fucking goofy face at that point.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, they're like, you know staring at themselves in the mirror be like I'm not Yeah,
Unknown Speaker :yes, man Capone is a little little barometer for my moods when I'm tripping. If he's with me he gets a little upset whenever I'm like kind of going through something in my mind you know because there's ups and downs ups and downs you're like working through some stuff and then you're in this like state of like, Oh my god, I understand and then you're like working through some stuff and then you're like, Oh my god, I'm everything at all of those like working through some stuff parts Capone gets upset.
Unknown Speaker :Oh, gosh. That's like one thing too is like when you get on a thought when you're like, you know, I've only had two experiences but each one work for a thought like popped up into my head. It just my brain was like, let's follow this like yeah Let's continue down this road. So it's like you have all the control but no control at all, which is like comforting in a way. Yes. Where it's like, you can control everything. But you also don't have any control. It's like, it's such a double negative, but that's like basically the you when I say when you start realizing is like, you start realizing a lot of things. Oh my gosh, like this all makes sense. Like, think of like your most woke moment, and then times that by like, 100 and that's like Shrewsbury, just like, Whoa, like this. Beautiful, you know,
Unknown Speaker :oh my god. It just puts you so so in touch with everything. Like everything about yourself, everything about your surroundings. You just feel so peaceful. It is. It's like a universe hug. It's so nice.
Unknown Speaker :It's beautiful, absolutely beautiful.
Unknown Speaker :So the second experience,
Unknown Speaker :second experience was a little different, um, just because of my situation because I was attention like, my, my beginning was like, I'm gonna be guiding these two individuals through their experience with shrooms, which my, you know, the person one of them was like, you know, we wouldn't mind if you did it too. And I was like, I kind of want to be, you know, readily available just in case. But as soon as I found out that they were like, kind of good. I was like, Okay, so, and one of them even went up to me and she was like, yo, Valley, send it and all right. So, um, it was you know, I, we had the guidance beforehand of like, you know, meditation what we should be You know, focusing on not focusing on and just like the comforts of everything just kind of like, you know, breast assuring that everything was going to be absolutely okay. Mom. So
Unknown Speaker :yeah, second time was
Unknown Speaker :it was a lot more
Unknown Speaker :alarming I think it was a beautiful experience. I loved it, but it was
Unknown Speaker :I think
Unknown Speaker :I think a lot of it was just my subconscious being like, okay, there's two people doing this for the first time and I need to be available for them. So a lot of it wasn't really I couldn't get that much exploring it, but I was able to get a lot of meditation. But a lot of the times, it was me trying to go in, but then an outro Side sound or noise or conversation would bring me out.
Unknown Speaker :I like tripping solo man.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, my next trip is probably gonna, I'm probably gonna do it solo just because I was fighting so hard to be like, let's let's just meditate like that's that's our brains just do it stay and watch someone wander let's let's let it have its opportunity and I had a couple opportunities for that for my brain to just kind of like venture through so but yeah you know and then it was exciting because it was the the two people that I was with it was their first time going through so I was just like I can't wait for them to experience Yeah, everything you know
Unknown Speaker :that is the perfect way to describe it to is just I can't wait for you to experience everything simultaneously and it's gonna feel like it's you
Unknown Speaker :it's gonna be like a moat the most beautiful experience hopefully that you ever go through you know?
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, just for for added Clarity friends, just to make sure because normally I would do this at the beginning of the podcast because this is sort of impromptu sort of casual. I do feel it's necessary to mention again, I do not advocate for psychedelic use in people whose brains are still developing. So people usually under the age of 25, from what I understand. And if it comes to the option of doing them, and having to get them or having to skip because you don't have like a safe supply, don't, it's not worth that kind of risk at all. So if you can't get them safely, legally, whatever, it's definitely not worth it. hopefully things will change in the future or you'll be able to travel someplace where you can try them safely. And as far as solo tripping goes, I would not recommend that for your first time. That's something like once you know what to expect, within reason I think it's perfectly reasonable to have solo trips but if you are not like full Aware of kind of what you're experiencing and you know how to how to work with that and not do any kind of harm to anything, including yourself, obviously. Yeah, then a solo trip can be beautiful because like valleys saying, being around other people, if you're trying to use it for an introspective opportunity can be challenging unless they're basically a guide, like if they are there, just to hold space and they know to kind of like leave you alone. Um, that can be really nice and peaceful, but otherwise, like, you should have the option to kind of fully let go.
Unknown Speaker :It's also nice to like, if it's your first experience, just like letting somebody know just being like, like a friend. You're comfortable letting them know like, Hey, I'm gonna be having this solo experience. Like, this is where I'll be if anything goes wrong. I'll check back in with you later something.
Unknown Speaker :Yep, Alex is always there for me. He he'll go driving because I'll be like, Listen, I kind of need the house to myself today because I plan on tripping. And I would really like to just, you know, be alone so that I can wander around looking like a mad scientist at some points. Because I usually have like a very large, thick fuzzy bathrobe on and my hair is all messy.
Unknown Speaker :One of the people that we were with, um, she was we equated it to from what's the show, Sonny? Oh my
Unknown Speaker :gosh, Charlie, with all the stuff on the walls.
Unknown Speaker :She having that moment she's like, y'all.
Unknown Speaker :Your eyes are real big.
Unknown Speaker :I feel like that's like the first time you trip especially. That's one of the first states that you get into like, as soon as you start feeling it kick in and you close your eyes for a few minutes. You come back and you're like, Listen, everyone. Yes, I have the secrets of the universe. I'm gonna just lay this out here for you real quick. It's so simple. And everyone else who is already tripped is like just just go back. We already know we've been there and
Unknown Speaker :that was the thing is one, one of the people they like kept popping back up and, um, she had fallen asleep actually during her trip and she she woke up and she looked at me and she was like, You know what, I need to sleep more. I need to start sleeping more. I think my brain is telling me like, Hey, you need to go to bed at a reasonable hour and I was like,
Unknown Speaker :This is what it is like a
Unknown Speaker :real your brain more when you're like, under the influence of you know? Tillis Ivan's you know, it's just it's crazy.
Unknown Speaker :It cuts through all the shit I'm honestly surprised because I like sleeping. I'm so stimulated. I can't even imagine actually being able to fall asleep.
Unknown Speaker :Oh, they passed right out that they woke up and they were they were raped. They learned
Unknown Speaker :something from it. Yeah, I wonder what the dreaming would be like. My God.
Unknown Speaker :Probably Real frickin vivid. Right?
Unknown Speaker :Like someone has that experience I'm sure someone Okay, so you sent you sent me visuals for the for this particular thing so hold up I gotta switch views real quick for the live stream and you just let me know which one to display first
Unknown Speaker :the do the trees
Unknown Speaker :with okay
Unknown Speaker :so
Unknown Speaker :and one of my meditations that I did I was running around this like wooded trail and the area right in front of me maybe about arm's length was like this pencil black and white when it was mostly it was all white and with like black, like outlining everything and I would look around and I would see this this beautiful color and these trees and the ground. But everything in front of me was was just this pencil. So I just started walking. And as I was walking further, the font that you see it was more of like kind of like smokey. Okay, and it's in its makeup. It said colors what you're running for. And I was confused and I was like, I should be running. So I did I started running and as I was running the area around me was still that white with the with the blackout lining. Wow. So I was just like, if I'm running Why am I not receiving the color? So finally, I, I was running and thinking and I'm like, wait, you know, I've been running and the color is still not here. Why don't I just stop running and see if the color like finally shows up? So I stopped running and then the area kind of shifted. And as it came it like shifted almost like a wave like I stopped in the momentum of that circle went forward, and then it pulled back and as it pulled back if you can put to the next one, this is what happened. So I when it came back, I reached out and I grabbed the color. And as soon as I touched that color, it all just like went into its wavelength of color and shot through me and as it came out, that's what you see. Like it's a very poured like, dislike artistic expression of it, but that it kind of just shattered and crystallized behind me.
Unknown Speaker :It's pretty incredible. Thank you with the crystallized part because it really does look like that. And I love I love the the dude's body, your body because it kind Reminds me of like a like those Stretch Armstrong dolls like it looks like it would be done some kind of made of like sand, especially compared to the head which is apparently not made up of the same stuff as the body or maybe you're wearing like a black bodysuit. I don't know.
Unknown Speaker :So the body was silhouetted so it was just all black. But the only thing that you could see was my face Okay, and that color so it kind of like I can the only way I can explain it is like picture like this happening and an anime and like something just shooting right through somebody's heart and like coming out at on like behind that person. Like the body just like shook like jolted up and it just started floating up. As this was happening.
Unknown Speaker :That sounds pretty fucking magical dude.
Unknown Speaker :It was beautiful. And the only reason why I like was so upset is because I wasn't able to explore more because you There was it was snowing at the time, so no plow coming through. And the sound of the snow plow we all heard and it all had the same effect on us, where it just felt like it was getting closer and closer.
Unknown Speaker :Sounds are very strange.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, so we all like popped up and we're like, whoa. And it was a moment where we realized that we were like meditating for a long time. And I was like, holy shit like this. Wow. So much longer. This felt like years. But it was only like, I think it was. It had been like, maybe 30 minutes.
Unknown Speaker :You can, you can really go somewhere in 30 minutes of like silence and stillness on a trip. It's pretty fucking wild.
Unknown Speaker :It's it was it was powerful. Um, so I was like, what does that all mean? And I think in the end, it was just kind of like, you know, chasing this. You're we're all chasing this leg. Beauty this, this, this, watch this, this thrive, we're all chasing this and we're running and we're going into growing and we're not stopping. And it was like a moment of realization of like, I need to just stop and let those things, you know, come to me like I can produce the need to run, let's say I can do all of that. What I need to do is just stop and just allow it to just come to me and once I can, you know, start running again then run but just start taking things in and letting them come to you. Though it was Yeah, that was an experience and another part when we were in meditation. And this was a weird This is a weird moment. Um, which I kind of wish that I explored more, but I wasn't able to was um, so I wrote it down and this was Like, this was being sounds, so I don't want to like scare anybody or anything. But this is like being said to me and like the whisper behind this one song that I was listening to which it was a beautiful, beautiful song. But this, this, this voice was just whispering this and it was telling me like, I kind of like summarize and it was like everything is a lie. We make choices built around some faulty moral compass, but this is just the the decisions that we make are all selfishly made. I was like, What the fuck? Like, what is happening here? What is happening here, and then I felt like I lost myself for a moment. And I was like, wait, what's happening? Like, I don't feel like myself. I don't feel like Valley right now. And then I came out of it because somebody popped up and they were like they were talking about inexperienced. Okay, all right, here we go.
Unknown Speaker :I'll come back to this amazing space, I guess after Yeah.
Unknown Speaker :And then unfortunately, from there, I had to, like, I had to, like, help them because they were like, done with their experiences as well. One of them was one of them was like now I'm still exploring, like, like, I'm good. So I was like, Alright, I'm gonna, I'm gonna help this person out. So she ended up just staring at a coloring book and not coloring just looking at the picture.
Unknown Speaker :But from that, I've been trying to like meditate on that moment of like, why, at that moment that I feel like I wasn't myself like, what is what is that? Telling me like, What is that like? moment saying to me and what should I be learning from that?
Unknown Speaker :Have you gotten any clues um,
Unknown Speaker :Not necessarily. I don't think it was something I don't know cuz I took. So that day I took a micro dose of I think like a point five. And once they were like, yes send it I think I had about I want to say 1.5 to two.
Unknown Speaker :Okay.
Unknown Speaker :So it was between there it wasn't really measuring or it was kind of like okay, this says it's between the the scan was like moving numbers. So it was like, between 1.5 and two so probably they can just probably say like a 1.8 took
Unknown Speaker :like a nine gram dose.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, so it's kind of like, right.
Unknown Speaker :But um, the moment you know, I've looked up like ego death and all that and i was i don't think it was there. I don't think it was not strong enough of a moment to to reach that status.
Unknown Speaker :But you saw why we felt yourself Self kind of disappearing a little bit.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, I felt myself kind of
Unknown Speaker :being removed from this world. Hmm. And I wasn't expecting that moment. And I've heard about experiences like that and how to like, you know, just let go and just let it happen. Like what that moment happened. Um, but that mom side of me was like you have people that are going through something.
Unknown Speaker :Yep. And that's why you can't with young people. They're
Unknown Speaker :like shit, you know, like, I probably could have explored this for a long time. And I explored just like feeling, um, because I took a bath and that was a lot less sensationalized, like taking a bath like a nice warm bath was just like, a lot to handle. I was just like, what the fuck
Unknown Speaker :The first time that I tripped was with a bunch of my family like my brothers. And one of my brothers was just like, the whole time. He just kept saying, I love this with this, like huge smile on his face. So I just kept directing him to different sensations for him to be like blown away by and I was like, yo, go, go turn on the sync button, put your hand underneath that. And he did, but like he was so excited, like I just told him, listen over there. I just bought you a puppy. Like that's the way he moved to the sink. He went over to it and turned it on. And he put his hand under and was like, oh,
Unknown Speaker :oh my god, he was like, so happy over it.
Unknown Speaker :Like think of a moment where you get into like a really nice hot tub and you sink down into it and it kind of like, takes your breath away a little. Like, imagine that. But being at like, your most sensitive self like it was like I felt like I was Diving into lava and I could swim in lava and just like, enjoy lava. Crazy.
Unknown Speaker :Alex took a shower when he was tripping really hard one time and he came out and was just like so excited because he said it was like he was in the jungle. He heard monkeys and everything like it was a fully immersive experience in there.
Unknown Speaker :One of the, the, there was a somebody among us that was sober the entire time. And they were cooking dinner. Mm hmm. And it was really warm and the place that we were at, and one of the girls was like, I feel like soup.
Unknown Speaker :And I'm like,
Unknown Speaker :Oh my God. I will always remember when duple and I trip together one time and we're sitting on the couch like we were pretty late in it. Maybe five, almost six hours in So like, I think, I think anyone else who had eaten any of that day was winding down. And I looked over at duplin I was like, are you? Are you feeling bad? What are you up to there? And he was just like, Oh, you know, just bend in trees. Like, okay, makes perfect sense. And he was just staring out the window. I'm like, I can only imagine like, how much matrix style shit is happening out there.
Unknown Speaker :That was like an amazing experiences seeing like nature. Hmm. My first time tripping. I looked at a leaf, and I saw like, the veins on the leaf. And then I looked at my hands and I was like, they're the same. Like, these are the same, like these trails in my hand are the same as the vines and yeah, this leaf and I was like, Oh my god, and like one of the, you know, thoughts that I had was like, how nature with nature and how humans interact with humans, and one of the ideas that I, I didn't come up with, but like, hit me was that labels are generated between human beings. Like I need to describe somebody by, you know, their gender, or their sex or their race. I define that person by these, you know, primitive, like definitions that are so archaic and so definitive that, you know, it's like, we label people down to their skin color. Like, that's insane. So then like, I was like, but nature they don't. They don't
Unknown Speaker :label each other anything. They just interact with
Unknown Speaker :each other. Yeah, everything just is.
Unknown Speaker :They're just they are they fade. They live their life, you know, and doesn't look at it and go, Oh, you're They're just like, Oh, this is somebody that's, you know, like, what are like a bug, like a butterfly doesn't look at, like, you know, a tree and see, oh, that's a tree like I know that as it trades, it sees that tree is home sees it as like protection, whatever. So it was just kind of like, you know, society just kind of like screwed us all over. Yeah. Like the moment I was having I was like, you know, we define people by you know, gender and all this and, and, you know, what does it all mean? Like, what
Unknown Speaker :is it? And that's when you went Charlie Kelly on them? Yeah, I feel that one of the things that I think is cool is um, you know, the label thing stands out like you're suddenly confronted completely with like, everything that you would have kind of had any kind of reservations against in the past. You're just like, this is all me. This is all us. This is everything is okay. And You like being around people you recognize how often we talk when we don't need to which given the fact that we're doing a podcast right now is obviously comical. But like you You could be in the room with so many people and not have any need to say more than a few words. And there's none of that like anxious pausing like they're not being taught and if they don't like me, everyone is just so comfortable in each other's presence that you just are so content to sit them happy together.
Unknown Speaker :That's like you know, that's something that I'm experimenting with now is is you know, as a kid, we were taught like children should be seen not heard. And you know, as a child you're hearing that you're like, you know, man, you know I want to touch it. I want was whenever and talking for no reason and like growing up, you talk for no reason you talk because you're uncomfortable. You're talking because your silence there you talk because you feel the need to respond. And now I'm going through this like this. I want to hear people's stories I want to hear what other people have to say like, I want to hear people's experiences and and just like what they've learned throughout their lives, like that's what I want to hear. I don't want to necessarily have to contribute my voice or or, or my reasoning or or my opinion on something like I just want to hear wife I want to hear what people went through.
Unknown Speaker :Man as a former control freak I relate to that a lot.
Unknown Speaker :It's it's, it's crazy when you're able to like, realize that what is it saunder when you have a realization that like everybody is going through a different life experience than you and you will never know what they're going through. It's kind of like trying to defeat that sonder by allowing people to have the opportunity to just talk about their lives.
Unknown Speaker :That was one of the things I wrote down during one of my trips are like in my journal after was a mom sitting there just like observing me thing and recognizing yet again, like, because that was the whole reason behind the tattoo and everything was like Shut up, pay attention more. And, and one of my trips, I'm observing everything and feeling myself want to talk about myself and want to talk about all the things that I'm about to do and all the experiences that I had and I'm just kind of like coaching myself through it. And then I wrote down in my journal, magical things happen in the space I leave open and like right after I wrote that, everything else seemed like it kind of came to life like I stopped interfering and let things just flow a little bit more.
Unknown Speaker :And, you know, everybody has something that they want to say, and it could be crucial or it could be just, you know, have no, no volume, no importance, but it's like it's all just, it's all about just looking at everything you approach with compassion and empathy and allowing people To have their moment of, you know what happiness, sadness, feeling that emotion and allowing them the opportunity to express it without having to express something about me allowing that person the opportunity to have
Unknown Speaker :have expression, you know?
Unknown Speaker :It's Yeah, a lot of this It's so crazy cuz like after my first trip, like the afterglow was such an empowering experience, and I don't want to say that this experience is the reason why I like changed my course of action in life like I changed. You know, my major, I changed literally everything, but it. It opened my eyes to what's so important and what is so crucial about my existence.
Unknown Speaker :And it allowed me
Unknown Speaker :the opportunity to find that and appreciate it. There was so much appreciation from that experience that like, I like I look back on it, and I still get chills and I'm like, wow, you know, I learned so much about myself within that time and I cannot sink that moment and no,
Unknown Speaker :it is a powerful thing. I think. I'm glad that you said that too. Because when it comes to getting something out of a trip and like honestly, I would love to see these be recreationally available and for people to be able to do this and have a little more guidance on how to do it safely because they absolutely can be fun. If you're just looking to like, you know, bend some trees with your friends. But if you're looking to like, get some kind of a therapeutic experience from it, like really go in and understand yourself more. The biggest part of It is the integration after, if you don't do anything with it, if you don't like reflect back on your journal from that day, if you don't actively spend ideally the next day, like kind of sorting through it again and thinking like how do I, how do I use this? What does this mean for me? What do I do with my life? That would be different because of what I've learned. And if you don't do that, then it's it's not like it's a waste. It's still a beautiful experience, but it's not going to have the same long lasting effect.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, and that's, that's the most important part is that I'm lucky that I was surrounded by first trip by people who understood that, um, was that this is like, yeah, you had this really beautiful experience with the the time of like, five to six hours like you had an amazing experience. But that right there is just, it's just the video. Mm hmm. And that's just you know, that's just the movie. That's a six hour movie that you just watched. It didn't have any sound So now what you have to do is you have to replay that movie and you need to add the sounds and you need to add, you know, cinematography and you need to cut down that six hour movie into something that you can go back to and and kind of play back and say, okay, you know, this is that lesson that I was told about, am I achieving it? am I working towards it? Am I representing that, that portion? enough to make me happy? Mm hmm. If you're not that you need to reflect back and be like, Okay, how, what can I do to make sure that I am representing that portion to its highest extent? Yeah, its highest priority. The reflection
Unknown Speaker :is so so incredibly powerful. That's, that's what's being described as like inverse PTSD because the ability for you to have this completely different lens on your Experience now after having something that's so outside of your norm, it lasts if you know how to kind of manage it leading up to an after it. And I definitely find that on days where I'm having a tough time. Like if I'm really kind of feeling like I'm in a funk, even if it's not compared to like, what a funk used to be in my life. Yeah, you know, just having like a down day, if I go back and I look at my journal, I'm there like, I made a bunch of little bullet point notes. And that's all I need. I see the way that like, my handwriting is 1000 different types of handwriting. And I'm like, Oh my god, I remember being there. I remember that, like urge to write this down, not lose it. I remember thinking this is gonna change my life. And then I didn't use it enough. Okay, I got to implement this now.
Unknown Speaker :Mm hmm. And that was, you just said that and I remember looking at a sheet that somebody was writing all of their thoughts on and the font changed so much Or the thought was like, dotted with like heart eyes and then all of a sudden it was like down in the corner a scribble. That was like holy shit. Like they had no idea they had things come to them. And like mine was. So I had blindfolds on, which was like, amazing. Um, that makes a big difference,
Unknown Speaker :friends.
Unknown Speaker :Huge difference. Huge difference because it forces you into, like the state that you should be with your eyes closed, like forces that. But anytime I had a moment, I still had my blindfolds on. But I knew like, I felt the weight in the room, I felt where I'd like, knew where everything was based off of the weight that it had. So I was like, I know right to my left and right, like, midway between that notebook is my notebook is right over there and the pen is right there in the middle. And I know that I can reach over and write when I need to write and I knew that someday It was behind me in the chair and they had a book in their hands. And these two are right in front of me laying down so I can like feel everybody's weight. And one time I like I rolled over, wrote something down and went back. And as I checked it, I realized that it was like perfectly on the line. Like my blindfold on to I was like, Oh my god, I felt that and it's like, it's such a powerful experience. It's such a powerful and beautiful experience. Like, I look forward to my next one where I can, you know, be alone. And like, really dive deep. Like, get in there and and see what see what it has to offer.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, I mean, it's crazy to think that you changed your major after this. I kind of forgot about like the order of events, but of course, like you're more in touch with yourself, you know what you want, what you don't want, you know, it's okay to start over. To do something different.
Unknown Speaker :And that was one thing, too was
Unknown Speaker :right before I just had come out as non binary and kind of accepting that I'm coming to terms so that and I had my experience then right afterwards, I was feeling I was like, you know, the major that I'm in is, you know, not what I thought it was at one point in my life, it brought me joy, but right now with who I am and who I've become, it's just not giving me what I need in my life. It's not allowing me the ability to express who I am. It's holding me back from everything about me. And as soon as I switched my major and everything went through, I was like, You know what, I'm going to start painting my nails, like I love to do and it was an expression that I wasn't able to do in that field. And I started, you know, speaking how I wanted to speak and act, how I wanted to act and dress how I wanted to dress. And from that little moment that I had and on the floor on a mat has had so much impact on me and how I express myself and it is. It's like, like I said before, it's a moment that I look back on it and I I it's a priceless moment. It's such a priceless moment. And, like, if you've done your research and you're comfortable doing it and just like, like, it's you learn so much about it. Yeah, learn so much about it. And having
Unknown Speaker :the right mindset and setting obviously is important. I think we've stressed that enough just based on how it's clear that these things went down, like going into it with some intentionality I'm going to learn about myself. I'm going to accept everything that comes. I'm going to just focus on my breath whenever I can. Get at all worried or nervous or anxious or whatever. Or if I just don't really know how I feel about where things are going, I'll just like trust it, you know, it's all. It's all coming from you. And the last analogy that I offered up to people when I was talking to them, someone who was looking at doing it for the first time was like, imagine this is like, like that Interstellar movie and like you're leaving messages for yourself like this is you trying to show you what you need? It's everything that comes up, it's coming up for a purpose, like analyze it, explore it, let it happen, and just know it can't hurt you. And then what you gain from that. Like, I I wasn't able to be my full self either. That was until I tripped the idea of just going without makeup on stream or on social media was like, really upsetting to me. You know? It just made me feel so gross. Like they're not gonna like it, they're gonna see my actual face and they're gonna be like, Man, fuck this. And then after tripping, suddenly everything feels a little More like why the fuck would I care? It's the fucking face.
Unknown Speaker :I don't care at all because you know you have that moment of like, you know, this is who I am and this is my being and what I do like what does it matter it's not their life they have to live their life and worried about their life you know if they're focusing on me that's not on me not that then you know i'm not i don't like placing blame but that's a moment where you can place the blame like you can why someone has a problem with you with like your appearance or whatever something you have no control over. Just always remember that that right there has no reflection of you at all. You are not wrong. You are not you know, whatever you are not in the wrong there they are. Yeah, that's on them. And you know, from that experience, you you you gain, you gain so much more value of yourself. Yeah, gain so much more appreciation of yourself. And it's, it's, ah, it's, I'd like keep going back and I'm just like talking like reliving that first trip, just like is kind of empowering me again, realizing how far I've actually come from that moment. And the most recent one I'm already seeing how far I've come from that moment. Mm hmm. And it's just it's so it's such a beautiful experience. Oh, god, it's so crazy that like, because of that I changed my whole like, path to the future. For before that would scare me, but I know that
Unknown Speaker :I'm exactly where I need to be at this point in time.
Unknown Speaker :That's a fucking beautiful feeling.
Unknown Speaker :It's it's a warming it's so warming. Especially like, from somebody like you were talking about who had to have so much control in their life, that just being like, this is it like, this is what I'm doing now. It's like, it's, it's comforting. It's so comforting.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, I think I was making some decent progress on my own as far as like anger and, and feeling the need to control so much just because I was like really going so heavy with meditation and like being as mindful as I could. But I don't think I could have made as much progress I did if I hadn't had those like mindful psychedelic experiences. Because that was that was just like, I had such a hard time not feeling like I needed to be the one organizing everything. Like if a group of people said they wanted to go out, I was like, Okay, I'm gonna have to be the one to plan it. I'll take this on. And in a lot of cases, I think I was reinforced in that because people didn't want to plan and they were like, Hey, are you do it? So it just like gave me that additional like, this is what my job is. I'm the one that does all the stuff for all the people and it makes me feel better. So nice to have been able to, like, let go of that I don't have to be the one to make sure everyone has someone to talk to. I don't have to be the one to make sure the conversation fucking keeps going. I don't have to be the one to do any of that I can just fucking exist.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, existing. That's the most important thing is that you can exist in realms. You can be present in realms, but you don't have to be the you know, the center of that. Yeah. And you can just look at you know your your surroundings and appreciate that and take in what you need to take in without without having to be dominant presence. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker :yeah. And that's hard to let go of, especially like we've talked about before. The lack of control that we felt growing up, definitely manifested itself later in our lives. So being able to see that as what it was and start letting it go and not give a shit of people you know, think we suck not give a shit if people are upset with us or whatever and not care how they see us and start caring a lot more about how we feel when we look in the mirror. Like that's, that's a hard place to get to.
Unknown Speaker :It's, it really is and, you know, with the help of psychedelics and you know, that meditation of my first trip, um, one thing that I was like carrying along with me in my life is just like my relationship with my mom. And not only that, but there was another moment where I'm, I'm gonna be like, perfectly open and honest, I hope that's okay. I'm with a sexual experience that I had that was, you know, and it was like an assault. And I carried those two things on my shoulders and it was constantly something that was like coming up in my life that, you know, just just affected me so much, and I had just, you know, with the work that I've been doing before Um, you know, I had my trip was, you know, I was able to get my mother kind of comfortable. Like, this person. Um, I wasn't able to come to terms with the other individual that was my life. So when we tripped, it gave me the opportunity to look at these two individuals and say, you do not have control of me anymore. You to not impact me anymore. And I'm, I'm very visual, I think I'm just like a very person. But, you know, with my trips, I do have a lot of visuals. And one of them was the two people just like kind of shriveled up into like sand. Mm hmm. And they were just black and white sand and then they just scribbled up and then behind them was all the people in my life that brought positivity and compassion and empathy in my life. And I was able to do that. Focus on them. Those are the important people, the ones who bring you that, that positive energy, that compassion, the empathy, and those able to appreciate them in a way that I i've never shown or expressed and like from that, you know, coming out of that trip and then, you know, meditating and going back and learning, you know, those two haven't affected me anymore. And I won't allow them because I can go back at that and be like, you got rid of that, like you release them from your life. Now we need to focus on Jesus.
Unknown Speaker :For real, it was I had similar experiences like I mean, this is this actually brings up another good point, because a lot of people are scared of doing psychedelics because they worry about the traumas that they've endured in their lives coming back up during a psychedelic experience. And this is part of the reason you know, it's always nice to have someone who's experienced With you just to hold space and let you kind of talk things out. But it is very likely that whatever it is you've kind of gone through that's made a lasting impact on you will surface during your trip. The nice thing is, is you're seeing it from a completely different perspective, possibly even hundreds at a time, which was the experience with me and my most recent ex, because it was so like I was so immersed in it from being in that relationship for so long that like even after it ended, it was so hard to feel like I was in my life again, you know, I still felt like my my journal wasn't safe to write in because it was going to be read and I was going to be yelled at for it. I still felt like having having passwords on my things. I was going to get in trouble like all my messages were being reviewed. I still felt like I had to be so cautious about everything that I said and did and having that experience where those a lot of the terminal Adding stuff that we went through together kind of surfaced, and then seeing it from this different perspective. Like I saw his entire life, just in like seconds over and over and over again, all these different iterations of his life just playing out. And at the end of it, I was just like, oh my god, I just, I feel sad. I feel for you. Like, I can't say that I wouldn't have ended up as angry as you were, if I lived your life, like, I see all these different ways that it could have played out to bring you here. And you know, that's, that's something like especially going into the field that you're going into, that we've talked about a lot in stream, like a lot of times people essentially just become what they went through. They don't really think about it. They don't really have any kind of awareness of it until they are it. Yeah.
Unknown Speaker :And the one thing that I loved is that with, you know, psilocybin, it gave me the opportunity to address this in a non threat Ming Wei
Unknown Speaker :Yes,
Unknown Speaker :you know, that's where the my or the the sentence setting is so important that if you if they do come across because you know, as much you want to have control with your experience as possible, like when you're in it, sometimes things will just pop up and then you just have to go with it and that was one and I was like, I felt very just calm and relaxed and I was able to approach these two individuals that have such that had such negative impact on my life. I was able to approach them and trust them and get rid of them. Yeah. All in the in the you know that the boundaries of my mind. So, it was it was definitely like a very, you know, calming and non confrontational way of dealing with that.
Unknown Speaker :Yes.
Unknown Speaker :It's great you know, it's great what your what you realize that you have the capability of doing yes that in every Do you all anybody can do this you don't necessarily need. So Simon's but you do have your mind and it is a very powerful thing. And if you just are able to get in there and and approach it with calmness and relaxation and in mindfulness you can fix these things, not necessarily fixes. There's nothing that you need fixed, but you can approach these things and work on these things.
Unknown Speaker :All in the boundaries of your mind.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah. Yeah, it's beautiful. Your capacity for self healing is so incredible. And when you're in that state where all the bullshit has been cut out, you really can have like a straightforward talk with yourself and be like, you can let this go And then you fucking let it go. It's, some of it is as simple as that.
Unknown Speaker :And we live in As humans, we, we want to have that satisfaction of going up to somebody and being like, you know, you fucking did this to me You ruined my fucking life like we want that experience of having that, that Outlast that like you know that that loudness that fight we want it, we crave it, we want it so bad. But I had more satisfaction of reflecting within myself and finding that moment and approaching it in a certain way in ridding myself of that reading them of the control over my life. That it overall I the long lasting effect that that had over having like a verbal confrontation was just, I still feel it today where I'm like, wow, I'm such a change person that you know, because before you know, I was I was I was that person I was that one that was like, Oh, this person fucked me over well guess what they're gonna hear it from me and like, you know, this go into it and you have those battles. And it allowed me to let go of some things. And you know, I've had experiences recently where things are out of my control. And, you know, usually I would approach them with confrontation, but instead I approach it with it will be what it has to be. Mm hmm. And I know that I am in the right moment at the right time. And this is where life has taken me and I need to learn from the experiences and I need to just go on. Yes, there's nothing I can do about that. And if it's out of my control, it is out of my control and life works and balances like there's going to be good and there's going to be bad and I know that if the scales are weighing bad, that good will come because it has to balance. And I know that if life has been going good, that bad is probably going to come because there has to be that balance. But I'm ready and I'm willing to accept it with open arms and let it come my way.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, I mean, we all know like suffering is a part of life. It absolutely is and being able to experience it in a different way through a psychedelic trip because it is a psychologically challenging thing. You feel like almost like the way you'd feel after crying for a day at the end of a trip because you're, you're drained but you're very happy about it. Like it's a good thing like you were crying at a wedding or some shit something that makes you feel happy, like you'd cry over I don't know like chocolate cake. I like that a lot of my cry for that. So like, whatever it is that that gives you that feeling it is it is a very intense kind of journey. But man after that. The little things also seemed like no Cuz you're like, Oh, I just confronted my abusive ex in my mind for three hours. No big deal. I can take the garbage out like, this is nothing Are you kidding me?
Unknown Speaker :It's and it's the control. That's where everybody's like, you know, they've heard the horror stories. You know, psychedelics where they're like, you know, I remember one story that was going around where this kid, you know, he tripped in he thought he was a glass of orange juice and from there like he's in a psych ward and he can't touch him because he's still that glass of orange juice. Like you hear these stories and you're just like, oh my god, am I gonna be like a toilet and I'm just going to continuously flush and go Yeah, haha. You hear these horror stories? You're like, Oh, no, oh no. But once you do your research and you find your site and setting and you are, you know, taking care of yourself and all that these experiences with natural like natural drags like, you know, once you do the research and you read them You have neurotransmitters in your bodies that, you know, break this stuff down. Like, you have specific neural transmitters for specific drugs that break it down naturally. And you realize that, oh, this it's not gonna last forever have a bad trip. It's you can tell yourself within that, that might that set that setting and it can just be like, it's just a moment that I'm having and I know it will pass. eventually it'll be done and I don't have to worry about it. But
Unknown Speaker :that's another thing people get scared of, is they worry that they're gonna start tripping and not know what's happening. And it's like, no, it kind of creeps up on you and then you're like, Oh, yeah, I fucking ate a bunch of mushrooms. So now I understand why. Why the walls are breathing and my drapes look like you know, they're just blowing around.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, you. You have so much control and you have so much you know, the people that I was, I was doing my second time with They had the, they had the fear that like, you know, it's gonna be crazy. I'm gonna start seeing things and I'm gonna be like a random guy in the corner of the room and it's gonna be scary. And I was like, it's
Unknown Speaker :you have control over everything. And like
Unknown Speaker :you saw some scary shit that like would normally be scary, but you saw it and you're just like,
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, I saw spiders. I went to go lay down in a room and there was like spiders on the ceiling and I was just like, oh, that's silly. What do you do it up there? Like, I knew that I was seeing that. I was like, wow, this is crazy. And like, any other time, like if I saw a spider, like even if it was a real spider, I probably would have in the same like, just be like, oh, wow, yeah. Spider like you just
Unknown Speaker :saw spider.
Unknown Speaker :You see that things aren't harmful, you know? Yeah, it's it's, it's it's such a comfortable experience. Yeah,
Unknown Speaker :I saw a bunch of clowns. with knives on multiple occasions, and every time I tell people that I watch them like nope fuck that I wouldn't want it and I'm like listen, I used to be really freaked out by clowns too. But for some reason I'm seeing this like crazy spiraling pattern of all these things popping up it's very like kaleidoscopic and like a mosaic and then suddenly at the top and around on the circles of it on like these little points there were just all these fuckin scary clowns with knives just going like this and it was all at once like all of these like like very hold on I think I even though it doesn't look like I'm jerking off like I can, I can do it with my little hunter knife because they were just like very happy smiling. And just like constant like motion like it was part of the show. You know, the knives are all going at one. And I just saw that and I was just like, cool, like no fear at all like clowns with knives. It was just like, neither of those things are different from the other They're like, they're all the same. This is all just silly. Like, you know, it's my own projections that make this a scary thing.
Unknown Speaker :So with your trips, because with mine, it's very kind of like, the only way I can think of it is like cinematic. Mm hmm. Like it's a, it's a rolling just like film that kind of like, you know, it happens in like cutscenes and all this stuff. So like that those are usually my trips. I think
Unknown Speaker :that's like the two gram kind of offer. I think that's around that dose. What that gets you is a lot more of that. Because that was what I experienced, too. When I was dealing with all this stuff with my ex. It was on a similar dose and it looked like like film reel II.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, it's very like, you know, I could hear like the soundtrack if I had like music playing like it would go perfectly with the soundtrack. But what are your experiences like because you take a lot higher dosage. So what are your experiences like?
Unknown Speaker :My last one was so dope. You know, this is something that I don't know, I don't know if I would say I struggle with it. But like when I first started on my kind of mindfulness journey and I started meditating and started, like doing all the reading and researching again and trying to figure out like, where I stood with everything, I was pretty much like, I think I'm an atheist, I think I believe that everything just kind of is and that's it, like I'm an optimistic, nihilist whatever. And like, I was very comforted by that it didn't bother me at all, like you die and things are just done cool. And then I tripped. And after that, like every trip has just continued to reestablish this same concept, which apparently many other people have had, which apparently matches up with like Buddhist principles. And same thing with like Hindu and it seems to match up with neuroscience was kind of like fucks me up there. Like everything really matches up with that sensation that I felt which was like, we are all one it's not even a matter of like a yin and a yang. It's the circle. It like there, there really is no polarity other than the ones that we're creating. And ultimately when you really look at it, it's not a polarity because it is us. So my last trip I maybe it was like a few trips ago. Let me think, where do I even start? So one of the biggest ones that I had, I guess was getting close to two years ago, maybe question mark. And I was still in that, like, you know, I don't really believe in anything kind of state. And I had an ego death, like, I totally disappeared for a while, and I was in that place where I was like, everything, but I wasn't me. Like, I wasn't seeing anything through my own perspective. And then it was like, as I sort of left that place, and was still I became aware of myself again, not necessarily my body or my mind or anything, but I was just like, Oh, yes, I, you know, exist. And as I'm like, retired Turning back to whatever I was in that space. This like being of light just showed up kind of at like the top of my view and walked down like it was walking on steps that were appearing as it steps like fucking Magneto style. It's just cruising down, the steps are appearing for it. And it looked almost like um, like if you look at the inside of a light bulb, and you see the little, the little pieces of metal like twisted around each other and you see the little flame off of it. Yeah. Yeah, like that's kind of what it looked like. It looked like a bunch of little things of like electricity of very warm light all kind of radiating outward from this, like very none form like, person thing. And it was that was actually you know, we're talking about monumental changes happening to your life and stuff. That was the thing that made me realize that like, gaming wasn't going to be the thing for me. I was going to Go full second, trying to help people feel better. And the being and you know, like when you're tripping, you, you speak but there's no voices. So like, if you're talking to yourself, if you're talking to something you encounter in these situations, it is like you're doing it in your mind. But it is so much deeper than that, like you're communicating on the level of like, really good art like you, you get the story without needing any kind of specific words to nail it down. So this being comes dropping down and addresses me as I'm now like myself again. And it tells me that my like I've been given access to see what the truth is like we're all completely and totally connected, everything is one. And that my job now was to take that lesson and find a way to translate it into as many languages as I can to help as many people as I can. And it was Like, it didn't mean translate in like a language like, you know, English, Spanish, whatever it was, like learn how to speak this to people basically. So I was just like, okay, and I remember pulling money into my office and like sitting on the floor and being like, Listen, listen, I think people are gonna think I'm crazy if I tell them that God talked to me and told me to help them, but I'm gonna do it.
Unknown Speaker :So I actually didn't tell a lot of people about the god part of that because it didn't feel like like a separate God. It didn't feel like the Christian God that I had been raised with. It felt like I was talking to myself, but it just was so hard to explain that concept, right? So every trip since that initial one, I basically feel like I'm going back. I'm communicating with my buddies and they're like, two or three trips ago. I remember one of the things I wrote down in my journal was One of the first things that I like thought felt spoke, as I like, kind of let go of myself a little bit, is, you know, when your eyes are closed, it's not like what you see when you close your eyes right now, when you're tripping on psilocybin, your eyes are closed, especially depending on the severity of the dose, it really deepens and it can get so bright and so vivid in there. So like I am like sitting there on one of my other trips after that first one happened and I start sinking in the the blackness that's behind my eyes kind of deepens. And then suddenly, out of that, come these three faces that were almost think Sphinx like, but they were still did you see um, Dr. Strange? Yes. So you know, like how Dormammu looks like constantly flashing, but he's like a very dark, kind of purpley black color. And none of the pixels stay in one place. It's just constantly roving. Like if he could take a different form at any time.
Unknown Speaker :That's what it kind of looked like three faces came out of the darkness but it was it was they were the darkness but in the darkness wasn't even dark there was actually a lot of like color in there and like all of the color in there and as soon as they appeared It was like a remembering Oh, I didn't even need to trip like I got the truth This time What was I thinking so I just greeted them and in my brain like no thinking process involved. I was just like, Hello my sisters and like that just like really stuck with me for a long time after because something about that just felt really like special. So pretty much every trip I have when I go in there for a while it's it's always the same shit now. It's another way of feeling and experiencing the fact that we're all the fucking same thing. And the last one I did was the highest dose and that was four grams. Yes, everybody is God. I saw someone in my chat saying that like this isn't like I am Fucking Messiah or anything this is like we are all one we are all God God isn't like a separate entity it is everything so on this last trip I was reading ROM das his book be here now before I went into it, which probably explains a little bit more of like why it really took hold. Why it like really really clicked for me because I'm sitting there and just experiencing fully what that means to be everything and I just told the story in chat the other day so for people who are in here live you have to hear it again. I'm like sitting on the edge of my on my bed like up against the backrest just like ecstatic, like, Oh, I remember, I remember what this feels like. I remember knowing that we are all the same fucking thing and it's so beautiful and so powerful. I remember knowing that like I'm just here to learn. So whatever experiences I get, I don't need to be upset by them. I can just learn from them. I'm just like marinating in this bliss. And then my awareness shifts and I'm getting like a beautiful visual like if my eyes were actually open at this point, but I was still seeing it you know, I was in it where I'm walking into a prison because I'm getting arrested. And as I'm walking in I'm just like beaming with delight like look at this this is me these bars are me these walls are me, you're me. I'm you. We're the same thing. This is all God, why would I be so upset to like, go and spend time with God? And I'm like, kind of talking to myself like, you know, my meals are covered. I'm gonna go to sleep at the same time every night. I'm just going to take all this time it's going to be like a meditation retreat. You know, I'm going to work on my people skills. I don't have anything to be afraid of. Because everyone in here is also God. So it's okay. And as I'm kind of like laughing about the the comical nature of like, going to prison when, like, I feel like I lived in that before I escaped my own mind. This guy or person in the prison just walks up to me, and they stab me in the stomach like in my lower abdomen. And they they stab me very aggressively and then like kind of like saw a cross. So as they're doing this, I'm laughing. And it was like ha, got me like it was like a practical joke had been played on me there was no worries about the fact that I was about to die. It was just like very entertaining to all of us. Mm hmm. So my guts start like spilling out in like a very obvious like, like in the movie scream if y'all saw the first one, like God's just dropping out of my body rapidly. And as that happens, my awareness shifts from being the person being stabbed, which didn't hurt didn't feel like anything at all, by the way, to my awareness being in my like intestines that were now spilling out. And like, there was no longer awareness of like me, there was no sense of like Jessica, or snaps or any of that, like that was gone I just was that experience I was the intestines. And it just kept progressing from there very quickly. It was like a time lapse almost where I was my intestines and then I was like the whole body in the ground decaying after being buried and then I was the soil meeting the skin and then I was a bunch of the little bugs coming up and eating it and I was the process of death. I wasn't just the creatures in the things in the stuff that like holds weight in our minds. I was the processes to and like if you imagine the way that
Unknown Speaker :like, like, a lot of shows might do it where they show horizon and then the time lapse of like the sun and the moon going around once really quick. It was like that as soon as I was the bugs, then suddenly everything shifted. And I was something again I was me again. But I was like, Oh my gosh, I realized what just happened there. And I experienced myself being the air around me I experienced myself being like cold air, warm air, thoughts, ideas. It was everything in the sense that I hadn't realized before including like shit. I was like a piece of shit at one point no fucking lie, but I didn't feel any kind of like thoughts about that. It was just I was that. And I remembered hearing this quote that really cracked me up. Because ROM das was talking about it that someone asked some high up in like the Buddhist faith what Buddha was, and he kind of comically, like very jovial. He responded and said, he's a dried turd. And I laughed so hard over that concept, because I was like, it's the truth. The truth has been in front of us the whole time. It's all just jokes like, Alan Watts talks about how like we're constantly running around trying to find some And what we're seeking is actually ourselves so I would have this I had this moment of like wow we really are everything we are God we like God just is we just are and every time like something would kind of catch my eye like out of the corner of my eye. I would have that impulse to look and then I would always find either myself ROM das or his Guru maharaji like smiling back at me like gotcha, I'm gonna be like ah dammit I forgot who I was for a second they're like if I'm God, I don't need to like look at whatever's over my shoulder cuz it's me right? So it was live rest of the night. I was just laughing my ass off because every time I would start to forget the like unity that I was that we are, it would show itself to me again like I saw everyone in my hands, like in all the patterns of my skin and at one point I was sitting back on my chair with my hands kind of like folded like this. And I was starting to space out and think thoughts that were related to like me, you know, my sense of self not like this ultimate being that I believe we all are. And as I'm doing that I'm wandering off I like hear a little noise and I look down inside my hands like right in here on my stomach. It was me just going high. And I was like, Oh, you got me again. I forgot. Okay, I'm not gonna forget this time. And that was like the whole trip was just lots of visuals, lots of different ways of showing me the connection of everything. And then me constantly laughing over like, Oh, I almost forgot again. You got me. I'm not gonna lose it this time. But I don't need another trip. I'm not going to lose it.
Unknown Speaker :And then like, So, going back to like the beginning like a lot of people are hearing this. Like what the fuck? It's like when you are when you are tripping, especially with shrimp. I mean, I haven't tried anything else but which rooms like this all makes absolutely perfect sense. Like when it approaches you, you're just like, yeah, yeah, this is supposed to happen. Yeah. Cool. Like, you are so comfortable and prepared for all of this that like, you know, you can listen to somebody else's story from their trip. And you're just like, Oh, yeah, like, that's cool. Like, good on you. You got that. Like, it's, it's, it's not, you don't look at some news, like what the fuck like you hear somebody else's experience and you're just like, that's awesome. And the best thing to remember is like, not everybody is going to have the same.
Unknown Speaker :No, all of my trips trip is so wildly different.
Unknown Speaker :Oh, 100%. And like, even feeling wise, they're all gonna feel different, like the two that I had already, like, first one in second one felt totally different. And the experiences were so so different like, but just because I had those two experiences doesn't mean that they're going to affect somebody else the same exact way that they're going to have like These you know, cinematic visual, you know, all that everybody's experience is different. And that's like, really important to go in. Because if you have this mindset of like, Oh, I'm gonna see this or I'm gonna see that you're gonna it's gonna let you down because you're not going to see that and it's all about, you know, the things that your your, your consciousness your brain gives you is what you need to take and you need Yeah, okay, I need to, I need to focus on this or I need to go here. I need to go there.
Unknown Speaker :Going in with expectations is a surefire way to feel not as good when you exit.
Unknown Speaker :Absolutely. Because then you, you come out of it, and you you've got something, but you're so focused on like, Oh, well, I didn't see this and I didn't see that. You're, you know, that's what we're going through right now with one of the people that I was tripping with is they had these amazing visuals, and it wasn't what they were expecting. And now they're talking to me about it and they're like they feel let down. If you were given everything it's just that you know, you're not seeing it how you should be seeing it how your brain is, you know giving that to you.
Unknown Speaker :What timing here for rare drop to come in?
Unknown Speaker :No, I was I just saw that I'm like
Unknown Speaker :so for future podcast listeners rare drop just hosted my channel so they're coming in on the tail end of a delightful conversation about psychedelics. hope y'all are ready for that. Appreciate that host friends. Um, one of the things that stood out on the last one, too was just another reminder like the the psychedelics are an amazing tool to be used. But like on my last trip even it was like that. It wasn't like I was getting new knowledge at all. It was like, you know, remembering like, everything's kind of coming. Back to me. And one of the things that came back to me is like I really can do so much of this on my own. Like, this was a Polaroid of the picture of the top of the mountain so that I knew that the reason I was climbing was to see this great view, right? But I can still enjoy the climb, the climb is still important to stay focused to, and even if I don't see that picture, like everything's okay, so it was another reminder, like, I don't need this very often. I don't need this at all. It is a beautiful tool that can be so effective. But it's a method, you know, and ultimately, we don't want to get too attached to the method. We want to try and just find a way to remember the truth, you know, yeah, exactly.
Unknown Speaker :And with my first trip, as soon as I came out of it, and you know, I was going through the afterglow effects and I was like, I I'm good. I'm good for a couple months like I can Yeah, I can use this for so many things in my life that I can And this experience I'm like, even though I feel like I was I was on the brink of finding more, I know I'm like I'm good for a couple months and I can I know that once I go back in I can start solving things and working on things. Yes, it's it's it's definitely an amazing tool to to have and to use. But it's something that I don't
Unknown Speaker :agreed that's that's a very big important part there. I see Kevin was saying that they were somehow talking about mushrooms before coming here. So that really is perfect. Here I am worried that like y'all were having some kind of PG discussion or something coming here to talk about brain melty stuff. Yeah, I think at the absolute most, depending on like what was going on in my life, I could see wanting to do them. Like I was doing this for a while, like on a quarterly basis or so. But once I feel like I've got the routine down, like I've implemented everything I've learned, I don't know I'll need more than or want them more than once in a year because it is. It is a fucking thing man in the best way possible. But like, there's still like, even after having done it so many times and like, I'm gonna be honest, I've ever eaten a lot fucking mushrooms at this point. So even after having as many experiences I've had, I still have that moment of like, Alright, this is my day. Okay, this is my day. I'm gonna, okay, this is I'm gonna eat these. It's gonna be great. I'm just gonna accept everything and like there's still it's there's so many parts that are interesting, kind of uncomfortable, but like, you know, it's so valuable. Oh my gosh, and I don't like the taste of mushrooms. The last time I encapsulated mine and that helped me so very much. And I saw someone in here was talking about micro dosing. I do recommend that. I think micro dosing could be such a great tool for so so many people Do just enough like it's somewhere between like, point 10 2.33 depending on on like what works for you. And depending on which which protocol you do, like Paul Stamets recommends four days on three days off. It is a really interesting way to kind of shake things up a little bit and give you a little bit more access to deeper thinking stripping away a little bit of the like, I know what everything is around me. That's why I don't need to pay attention kind of like vibe that you get, and it just snaps you back into your own life.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, Yeah, I did. I did a micro dose when I was helping this too. And eventually, I was just like, fuck full set, but the micro dose I felt very just like you, you feel the buzz. You feel buzzy, and you know that like, Okay, I'm experiencing something. I'm feeling great. I can feel you know, there's the energy in the room. It feels great. Everything. is great, it's just that you're not. You're not really diving.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, we're not
Unknown Speaker :going in there for it. So
Unknown Speaker :the way I think it feel amazing, I think like a good visual for it, or at least what I kind of use for my own purposes is like, I feel like my line of thinking is kind of like pink and then it connects to this one and then maybe pink, pink, pink, all these little small offshoots. You know, it's it's one kind of skinny tree that branches out kind of lightly. But then when you are on a micro dose, it's like that one tree is just like, oh, you had a thought. Let's just process all of these different options for you at once without like any effort. It's great.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, so like big picture, you get to see the big picture with microdose. Whereas like, if you actually are dosing, you get to like, go travel through every single part of that tree. Mm hmm.
Unknown Speaker :Except it's like it's not even like a like a linear pattern though because it's like you're getting it all at once. Yeah, so you're like I'm having one thought which branches out to me analyzing it and like eight different ways, but I'm processing all of those and deciding on one all at once, which is really nice. And I saw someone in chat asking how much you would need to get visuals and honestly, like that depends on what kind and on honestly on a lot of other factors. Once this is like, accessible in a legal and safe way where you can get just the sale cyber and not the mushrooms, or at the very least, like they have dosing guides and information out there. It'll be a little easier to gauge but like it could be anywhere from one gram or honestly from like point five, like half a gram. It could be anywhere from one gram to two and a half before you're gonna see anything out here. Other than very subtle movement, like any of the external stuff, you get very little of it like it feels like everything is breathing, but not in a scary way. In a like, everything's hugging me kind of way, you might notice like like we always notice it with our drapes first. That's like our clue. Oh, it's kicking in. It looks like someone put a very light fan on the drapes and they're just billowing ever so slightly, but the internal visuals are likely to start. Sometimes even on a micro dose, you might notice that things have kind of deepened when you close your eyes and you're in the dark.
Unknown Speaker :It's I'm
Unknown Speaker :just having a thought it's just like vanish out of my brain.
Unknown Speaker :Mm.
Unknown Speaker :Sure, it will come back probably.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, it exists in there somewhere. It's not a big deal at all.
Unknown Speaker :If it's important, it will come back.
Unknown Speaker :Oh, yeah, go ahead. No, you go ahead because something came to you.
Unknown Speaker :Oh, so I actually just came back where for me? I'm I'm very like what's the word? Like, stimulants affect me very, very quickly. Um, we're like, you know, even with like marijuana, like, I need a hit, I'm good. Like, I'm sad. So with, like, the 1.5 that I took, like, I got the visuals and all that stuff, but the people that I was I was with the 1.5 didn't even like, touch him. Mm hmm. Like they were feeling buzzy, but it was more of like a micro dose for them. So I told him like, you know, if you want to experience this next time, I probably would go up a little bit and see how you feel from there. But going back to like, it's different for every person, like, you know, some people can get a visual point five, but then, you know, some people it takes like two grams. It's all like, and then somebody approached it like that, like, you know, we're testing you out with the, they were doing a double dose, like the first dose is kind of just So like I, you know, see how you feel, and then we can adjust the second one if we need to. Mm hmm. So it's all just kind of like, you know, try this if it doesn't work, then the next time you do it, you know, you have to go to this and then yeah, so on and so forth.
Unknown Speaker :I actually I reached out to maps today the multidisciplinary Association for psychedelic studies and told them that I want to try and set up a fundraiser for them on Twitch because I believe so much in the work that they're doing, you know, and the idea of having this as something that is, is legal, even if it's just medicinal, but is accessible, like it takes a lot of the guesswork out of it. Because getting getting like a batch of psilocybin mushrooms. It's not like the psilocybin is like perfectly distributed throughout every little stock and through the caps and everything. It can vary from piece to piece, you might get a stem that has a ton, you might get a cap that has a ton. So like differences and experiences can be based on the dose that you took and what was actually the active dose in that, as well as the way that it was like stored how long it's been out. Like there's so many little things that impact whether you can know what the right dose is for you or not. Because I had I had a 2.7 gram trip once that was some of the wildest external visuals I've seen up until that point, compared to like, a three and a half that I had done at one point that didn't seem to get me to the same space.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah. It's
Unknown Speaker :just new to like, it's so insane that you know, you know, we're going we're moving forward with it and like, you know, there's some areas in the world where it's, they're realizing the benefit of it. Yeah, we're
Unknown Speaker :gonna go trip in the Bahamas together friends.
Unknown Speaker :Yes, that sounds like experience right there. Holy crap. But, you know, the science is there. It's just that it
Unknown Speaker :sentence setting, I guess, you know,
Unknown Speaker :that's the biggest part. That is the biggest Part aside from obviously procuring like a safe source for whatever you're gonna take, do your research, make sure that there's no family history or no medications or anything, they're gonna fuck you up. But then just get your mindset, right be in the mindset of acceptance. And just like, this is all good for me, this is all stuff I had to had to work through at some point. And right now I'm given even more power to work through it with compassion and love for myself, like you. I spent so much time blaming myself for so much of the shit that I went through, and having that moment of just like, You poor thing, like, look at all this shit you carried around for so long.
Unknown Speaker :Like Here, let me help you with it. And going back to it, like, especially here on a platform where, you know, there's millions of people on this platform that could come into a stream and like, you know, it allowed me the the ability to Be myself full front, like, this is what you're going to get. And, you know, I can wear what I want to wear and TLS and like, you know, people are gonna have a problem with that but my experiences that I've had so far with it have given me the empowerment to say, you know, I don't have to live by what you approve. I don't I don't have to you know, you may look at me and say you know, this is a grown man wearing you know, Kitty headphones like pink kitty headphones, and I'm gonna say that's who I am and that's who I want to represent. If you have a problem that's on you, allows me to be a man in this world and accept everything and accept everything who I am accept both masculine and feminine energies and all that and my experiences especially with with Simon's have given me the empowerment To, to just exist, who I'm truly meant to exist as
Unknown Speaker :a beautiful thing, man, beautiful fucking thing is,
Unknown Speaker :it's an absolutely it's a joy when you're able to just realize that we are here. We are all the same person, we are all together. And our existence is dependent on the love and compassion we show not only ourselves but each other. Mm hmm.
Unknown Speaker :That's the fucking truth. That's, I think that's one of the biggest takeaways too is like as you come out of it, you just have so much more compassion for other people, because you finally gave yourself a break. You're like, well, I gave myself a break. I guess I could give everyone else a fucking break too. Like they all got a lot going on. It would it would make a big difference in a lot of circles. If people could have access to this with the right circumstances. You know?
Unknown Speaker :Yeah. You You get to Look at everybody with with compassion and empathy and you get to also look at yourself with that same energy.
Unknown Speaker :You know, it's
Unknown Speaker :it's an amazing it's an amazing experience. It's an amazing time.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, I don't think my platform to be anything near what it is right now if I hadn't, I think I would have probably strayed from what feels like the right path for me as well for much longer. So I'm forever grateful like it was my final step to letting go of all the things that were really just like tormenting me. Yeah, I'm fucking grateful. But on that note, we should wrap this up. I still got a break fast tonight. Yo.
Unknown Speaker :What are you eating?
Unknown Speaker :Eggs and sausage.
Unknown Speaker :Nice chat. I'm actually got Indian food.
Unknown Speaker :I'm so excited about that.
Unknown Speaker :I'm excited for food too. All right. Tell everyone where they can Find the valley.
Unknown Speaker :You can find me at TV forward slash Valley kiss on twitter. valic is on Instagram, Valley kiss. That's v. A LYKS. Um, and yeah, I love talking with people. I'd love talking with you. Thank you so much for sitting down with me and we having this discussion. It's amazing. I'm so excited about what's coming for all of us in the future like it is. It feels so good. You know, everything just feels so amazing. And I cannot wait. So yes. You know, I can't wait to welcome more people to this community that want to learn and feel love and compassion and not only learn it and receive it to be able to give it
Unknown Speaker :Yeah. That's a nice open place.
Unknown Speaker :It's an amazing place that you you know, coming in here you always feel like somebody has your back. So Yeah, it's great. Thank you so much snaps.
Unknown Speaker :I love you. I love
Unknown Speaker :you. I'm so glad we were able to talk about this so fresh after your experience, too.
Unknown Speaker :Yes, it's and again, you know, right afterwards, I'll probably just go sit and meditate a little bit and just kind of just slacked on this moment. And the trip that I had before, and I'm sure something will pop up. So I'll probably be texting and be like, Oh my god, I forgot to mention this.
Unknown Speaker :That's fine. We'll be talking about this forever. That's how all of the trips are. There's so much to unpack there like you you're getting what we shared with you tonight is such a small segment of what is a six hour experience. So, you know, we're picking the most meaningful parts, but there's always tiny little not even tiny. Like there's always little things that you get along the way.
Unknown Speaker :Yeah, definitely. Definitely. And I can't wait for my next my next trip, it's gonna be a little bit bigger, so I can't wait to just venture deeper.
Unknown Speaker :Yay. All right. Thanks for hanging tonight. Appreciate ya.
Unknown Speaker :Thank you. All right. We'll talk to you later.