Mind of Snaps - Positivity Podcast | Ep. 59 - "Does This Really Matter"

Welcome to "Does This Really Matter" - the 59th Episode of the Mind of Snaps Positivity Podcast!

This is a special podcast series that is separate from the regular Mind of Snaps Podcast, with a new release (typically) posted every Monday for Patreon supporters!

It is my goal to create as much positive & encouraging content as I can during these intense, uncertain times we're faced with. 2020 was so much more than anyone expected it to be, and nobody should have to take it on alone. The only way I can continue to do so, is with your help.

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Hang in there, friends... we're all in this together.

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Jessy (Mind Of Snaps / SheSnaps)

www.MindofSnaps.com

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Transcript

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Good morning, beautiful creatures. Happy Monday or whatever day it is right now that you happen to be listening to this podcast on. I hope you got some incredible rest last night. And I hope that you woke up this morning, feeling fantastic and feeling energized. But if you didn't, I hope you're still in good spirits. And you're ready to make today a great day. Yay. I'm feeling a bit tired myself. But I think that's just something I have to expect to be feeling for the next 20 years or so. So I'm doing what I can to manage and keep myself moving forward despite the desire to sleep nonstop. And so is being silly pop in the background, but we're not dealing with that right now. Remember, friends, when we talk about shades, you know, sleep hydration, air like getting outside diet, exercise and stillness. If you are struggling with any one of the letters, it is not a sign that you should throw in the towel and give up. It just means the other letters become even more important. Since sleep is the one I'm personally struggling with, I'm trying my best to keep up my levels of hydration, get outside as often as I can. And I realized that's a luxury I have in Phoenix, but not everyone has right now. Eat foods that help keep me feeling energized. And I'm trying to keep myself mindful and present. Because I know that overthinking things or not taking adequate breaks will undoubtedly burn me out faster. So if you're struggling with any aspect of shades currently as well, think about what you can do to boost the other areas of your life to help keep yourself in balance. This week, I wanted to talk about ways we can check ourselves a bit, because I certainly know I have been needing it. Sometimes it is so easy to get caught up in such silly things that we forget to keep our focus where it's most beneficial, which from my perspective would be keeping focused on the present moment, focused on your goals focused on caring for yourselves focused and caring for your loved ones. All of that. As of yesterday, I'm 12 weeks pregnant. Now. If the measuring and everything is accurate, this whole thing is so weird. This pregnancy has come with all kinds of new experiences, including all kinds of very hormonal reactions to things. I was talking about it on stream last week, one of my biggest fears currently is that these wild hormonal shifts could have the potential to undo much of the work I've put in over the last few years have worked so hard to give up anger, I worked so hard to create healthier mental and physical patterns. And I worry often that these hormones may be powerful enough to push me into new or unkind patterns instead. Before getting pregnant, I can tell you just straight up the last time I got angry, like really angry, not irritated or frustrated but actually angry. And that was at last year's Guardian con. Because someone took advantage of an opportunity to cross yet another boundary I had attempted to set with them and I kind of lost it. I was proud of myself still because I didn't react the way older versions of myself might have. There was no violence. I didn't completely lose my shit. I just spoke up in a certainly aggressive manner. And then I grabbed my friends and walked away. I was fuming for the entire walk from the upstairs bar where we were at when everything happened to the outside one. But once I was away from the situation, I was able to call myself and refocus quickly. I wound up having a really great night. And that is not something that I would have been equipped to handle. Well in the past. The smallest things used to linger with me and just keep me stuck in the anger for so long. Anyway, can you tell them still? I get out of breath so easily. Anyway, since that day, which is now well over a year ago, where am I at probably closer to two years now. I haven't had another massively angry outbursts that I can recall. I've certainly had moments that frustrated me, but nothing that was able to last for more than a short while. I find that it typically takes a lot more than it used to me to even start to feel the beginning signs of irritation or annoyance or at least it used to then pregnancies up i'm starting to find that my patience is not what it was i'm working on it of course i refuse to just chalk things up to pregnancy hormones and give up on trying to regulate my moods or my diet or whatever but my goodness is proving to be quite a challenge the other morning when i say it was friday morning i was happy to have part of the day off and i was looking forward to making myself some yummy food and then just chillin until it was time to do the evening stream i had planned i woke up had a wonderful coaching call and during the call i got the idea that i really wanted to make myself an egg sandwich on a bagel i had just bought this two pack of bagels from costco and i got cinnamon raisin bagels as one set of six and plain bagels for the other set of six that was down to my last cinnamon one but i was super excited over the idea of having a yummy egg sandwich with cheese and maybe some hot sauce on one of those plump as plain bagels and i know some of you are probably judging me because you're like team everything bagel or whatever but they didn't have those at the time and i like a good plain bagel okay i'll get off my nuts anyway i finished my call i went downstairs and right away i felt the slightest tug of annoyance like well before i could even start making food because i realized i was going to have to do dishes and clean up the counter first oh well no big deal i wasn't in a huge rush so i just put on some peaceful music and started cleaning once i was done i started grabbing the ingredients to make my sammy and at this point i doubt i was present with my actions because all i was picturing was biting into this big ol fatty sandwich and enjoying the fuck out of each bite i got out some eggs and butters and she's got all the pans i needed ready to go my spatula then i went into the pantry to grab the last and most important item my prized plain bagels i opened up the pantry saw them sitting in front of me and noticed that the bag wasn't closed fully i pulled the bag out so one bagel out of six was missing in the rest of the bagels were spotted with mold all over completely inedible they were done not one bagel was spared from this massacre of mold i knew i hadn't had any of the plain bagels yet and if i had pretty meticulous about making sure i clear all the air out of the bag and close it up tightly for this very reason so immediately i knew this was someone else's fuck up ah for the first time in a long time i felt my body grow heated i noticed the tension builds so quickly i was moving real fast towards becoming incredibly angry like really i stood there in the kitchen holding on to this damn bag of bagels and thinking about all the reasons i had to be angry it was justifiable of course one it's a waste of fucking money uh just bought the bangles on my last shopping trip and the ones i had been eating and properly storing were still fine so there was no reason for these to be done yet they were and only one had been eaten to i had a whole sandwich planned in my mind that now i didn't get to eat three how fucking hard is it to close a bag tightly and make sure the air is out of it first i got full like hands up to the sky on that one the more i thought about all the reasons i was feeling upset the more upset i became shocking right i grabbed the half opened bag of spoiled bagels along with the bag with the one remaining cinnamon raisin bagel which had been properly stored and as a result was still good and i marched upstairs to show alex i opened his office door and i was ready to just unload all of my frustrations when he looked over at me saw the bagels clearly put two and two together and immediately had this just look of sincere remorse paired with a big ol o on his face i was about to tell him how upset i was when i realized he was on a call for work so i stood in the doorway just holding this bag of disappointment not knowing what to do next do i sit and wait for him to be finished with his call so i can tell him how upset i am do i leave and wait downstairs on the couch till he is off the call so i can tell him i mean i have to tell him all the reasons i'm upset right i have to tell him how upset i am right i can't just let this go Can I, I wound up leaving his office and going downstairs, I threw out the bagels and genuinely thought of sitting on the floor and crying while you know sometimes you get like flashes of you doing stuff, I was picturing myself just full blown tantruming on the ground. That's how upset I was over the loss of this precious fucking sandwich I had planned out. I had been thinking of this sandwich since the moment I bought the bagels and waited too long, and I missed my chance. Due to that damn black and blue bullshit. Because I was standing in the kitchen just feeling stuck. It occurred to me that this wasn't a super typical reaction for me anymore. I have certainly had moments of disappointment, where I'm excited to have something only to find out it's not an option anymore. And I'm usually able to refocus quickly. This time, I felt so stuck. That's when it kind of clicked that this may have been partially the work of my hormones. And as I thought, Okay, so this is the hormones fault. My next idea was to just stay upset because I was even more justified. Now. I am a pregnant woman who was denied her choice of meal that should be punishable by severe consequences clearly, at this point, I started to feel this, this tug of war happening from within, part of me was saying, just keep moving, do something else eat something else. And the other part of me was saying, sit on the floor and cry until Alex is off the phone. So he knows just how much this upset you and never does it again. I tried to walk the middle ground. I worked on moving and just decided to empty the dishwasher. While I waited for something else to sound appetizing enough to eat. I started clearing out some pots and pans that were in the dishwasher. And I went to the cabinet where they're normally stored only to find the cabinet in a total state of disarray. pots and pans not not stored in the places I normally keep them stacked in ways that makes them easy to spot and easy to pull out. That's how they normally are. This time, they were just stacked all over. And one of my strainers was in the cabinet to even though it's true home is in another cabinet across the kitchen with its buddies because it's like a stacking set. There's a little guy, a middle guy in a big guy started working to rearrange things a bit, trying not to be upset over this new complication. When one of the lids that was on a shelf in the cabinet fell down and caused this whole mess of claims as it bounced all over this disorganized setting. At that point, my body took over, I sort of like threw the pan I had in my hands into the cabinet and kind of like half slammed the door. I've not done that in a long time. Then I did sit down on the floor. And I really thought I was going to cry my eyes out so upset. Not only could I not make the sandwich I wanted but my kitchen wasn't arranged in a way that makes sense. It seemed like everything was so dramatic, right? Everything was just being tossed into cabinets and into the pantry without a second thought. And without any care for my method. While sitting on the floor, my brain just started going wild. I had so many justifiable reasons to be upset. So my brain started telling me that the day was ruined, life was too hard. And these simple things were clear signs of a lack of respect in my own home, how dare then it started telling me that the rest of the day was probably going to be terrible too. So I might as well cancel the evening stream I had planned that I was looking forward to I don't know at what point the thought occurred. But finally, thankfully, I heard internally does this really matter? And suddenly everything opened up. It was like the magic words had been uttered that were able to break me out of my spellbound state. Does it does any of this actually matter? So I couldn't have the sandwich I wanted so fucking what I have a house full of food I can eat plenty of other options, including some oat nut bread that I really like that I could use to make an egg sandwich if that's what I still want it. So the cabinets that How is my pots and pans was unorganized. So what does it really matter? Sure, it can be frustrating to deal with a messy setup, and it would be nice to be able to see things organized in the way I usually keep them. But the reason they were organized in a different manner is because someone else was kind enough to put away the dishes. It's pretty easy to assume they just didn't know where I like to store my fucking strainers and it's not a personal attack on me that the strainer was put in the cabinet with the pots and pans instead of with the other little strainers and bowls. And still even in the worst case scenario, it just simply doesn't fucking matter. It's just a cabinet. It's full of stuff that I genuinely feel fortunate to have. I've been trying to work on building up my pots and pans for a while and some of the ones stored in there still bring me a bit of joy when I see them because it took me a while to get them. Going back to the bagels, does it really matter that we were out three bucks on them? No, it really doesn't. I don't want this to become a habit for sure. $3 $3. But is a$3 pack of bagels worth me being upset at my partner who has been going out of his way to make me coffee every morning since he started working from home. He's been trying so hard to help out even more around the house. Now that he's home more. He takes the dogs out every morning so they don't wake me and I can sleep in a bit. He's wonderful, and he's thoughtful, even if he can be a bit absent minded at times. He came downstairs later while I was working on making the egg sandwiches on regular bread and apologize for the bagels even offered to run out and grab new ones right after he was done working. But by then I was over it. Thankfully, he explained that he had come downstairs on a break from work the other day. And he had opened the bag, grab a bagel and then got a call because his little headset goes all the way downstairs got a call as he was preparing it. He realized that he was multitasking trying to handle the call while he put the bag back. So he wasn't really paying attention to what he was doing. It happens it happens to the best of us sometimes. Ah, so as I end the saga of the moldy bagels, which is really not as much of a saga as it felt like in the moment. Think to your own life for a bit. How often do you find yourself hung up on things that really ultimately do not matter? I know I'm not the only one who overthinks things sometimes. So how can you plan to snap yourself out of it when you catch yourself catastrophizing over things that really won't matter? A day from now? And certainly not five years from now? How can you stop yourself from justifying anger, so you can release it instead? I think the simple question Does this really matter is a great one to keep in mind. Maybe throw it on a post it note and put it somewhere in your house, maybe set a phone alarm that goes off every so often to ask you that question. Does this really matter? It could help you stop working on an unnecessary task so you can focus up on what really matters. Or it might help you interrupt unnecessary thought patterns that have you convinced the only thing left to do is to in your feelings of disappointment or anger rather than release them and move on. Think about it in this week. My friends, we are all dealing with a lot, certainly. But we all also have so much to be grateful for. And it could do wonders for us to remember that. Check yourself as often as you can. Whether you're dealing with hormones, lack of sleep, a stressful work week, or rental pressure, whatever it might be. We tend to be the thing that stands in our own way the most. Remember to ask yourself often does this really matter? And when you find that it doesn't, give yourself a break. Take a few deep breaths and refocus on what does. You got this. You got this. Now get out there and manifest dope shit.