Mind of Snaps Podcast

Moving forward after a loss: grief and the grieving process - Episode 16 Mind of Snaps podcast

March 10, 2019 She Snaps Season 1 Episode 16
Mind of Snaps Podcast
Moving forward after a loss: grief and the grieving process - Episode 16 Mind of Snaps podcast
Chapters
Mind of Snaps Podcast
Moving forward after a loss: grief and the grieving process - Episode 16 Mind of Snaps podcast
Mar 10, 2019 Season 1 Episode 16
She Snaps

Thank you to Nature's Ultra for helping to sponsor this and future episodes of the Mind of Snaps podcast. I highly recommend their CBD products, I use them, my dogs use them, my family uses them, they're great. They've recently partnered with Young Living Essential Oils and their products have become even more amazing since! My favorite flavors of the drops are lemon-lime and citrus, and I LOVE their Solace and Calm roll-ons the most too. If you want to check them out, click here: http://bit.ly/2ELKMu6 

This week the topic of discussion was Grief. I wanted to give some information on what the grieving process looks like for many of us, what we can expect when grieving and some ways to ensure we're moving forward in a healthy manner. I'll also share some feedback from the community on the WORST things people said to them while they were grieving, and the BEST things they said/did.

Thanks for all the support! 

-----
Twitter @MindofSnaps
Instagram @MindofSnaps
YouTube @MindofSnaps
Discord: https://discord.gg/0lZQrlm2fhnwlFOx
Patreon: patreon.com/shesnaps
Twitch: Twitch.tv/shesnaps TT

Show Notes Transcript

Thank you to Nature's Ultra for helping to sponsor this and future episodes of the Mind of Snaps podcast. I highly recommend their CBD products, I use them, my dogs use them, my family uses them, they're great. They've recently partnered with Young Living Essential Oils and their products have become even more amazing since! My favorite flavors of the drops are lemon-lime and citrus, and I LOVE their Solace and Calm roll-ons the most too. If you want to check them out, click here: http://bit.ly/2ELKMu6 

This week the topic of discussion was Grief. I wanted to give some information on what the grieving process looks like for many of us, what we can expect when grieving and some ways to ensure we're moving forward in a healthy manner. I'll also share some feedback from the community on the WORST things people said to them while they were grieving, and the BEST things they said/did.

Thanks for all the support! 

-----
Twitter @MindofSnaps
Instagram @MindofSnaps
YouTube @MindofSnaps
Discord: https://discord.gg/0lZQrlm2fhnwlFOx
Patreon: patreon.com/shesnaps
Twitch: Twitch.tv/shesnaps TT

Support the show (http://www.patreon.com/shesnaps)

Speaker 1:

Popular to fall on with. As she learns more about her mind, the world around you might just learn something as you enter the mind of snaps

Speaker 2:

and welcome to another episode of the mind of snaps podcast. We're on episode 16. Fuck yeah, 16. I am so sorry for everything being so inconsistent. It seems like every time I think we're about to be on a nice study track against something goes wrong. I'm sure you can relate to that feeling, but it seems like my, uh, my PC is at least my second PC that is, is at least able to handle my audio recording for right now. So even though I can't stream from my office again yet, I can at least get this podcast recorded. I finally, so we're on episode 16 this week. We are going to talk about grief. This is something that is especially important to me because of experiences that I've had and because of how much, how many times I get questions from people asking how to handle their own grief.

Speaker 2:

So because of my own experiences and because I want to try and help as much as I can. I did a ton of research on it and today I want to share that research with you. So we're going to discuss the stages of grief. We are going to talk about ways that you can, you can try to cope in a healthier manner. We're going to talk about ways that you may be able to help others that are grieving. And then I'll share a little bit of my own personal experiences with grief and uh, why I think that might be beneficial for you to, to know. So let's just jump right on in starting out. So grief, when it comes to what it actually is, grief is something that all of us will suffer or experience at some point in our lives. Grief is paired with loss, the loss of a loved one, the loss of a relationship, the loss of a period of time in your life, the loss of a really fucking delicious last bite of your sandwich that you were really looking forward to eating before your dog got to it.

Speaker 2:

Okay. Maybe not as much of a grieving process for that. But there, there was a moment where I had to, you know, look at it and except that the sandwich by was gone and be thankful that I had as much time with that delicious sandwiches I did before my dog took the rest of it away from me. Anyway, all jokes aside, so getting into the stages of grief generally presents itself in a, a few or several, I guess specific stages. Those are universal. The way that they go about though, the way that they come about will be different for everybody. So you may, if you're experiencing grief, if you're processing a loss of some kind, you may experience all of the stages in the order that I read them today. You may experience only a couple of them. You may not experience them the same way that everyone else does.

Speaker 2:

But traditionally these are the ones that the majority of people seem to go through regardless of what manner they go through them, uh, or what order they go through them. So generally the stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. So again, the order is entirely irrelevant. Some people may not experience all of these, some may have some added guilt confusion or loneliness which may be paired with that depressive stage. Um, and then there are some people who have some prolonged grief or severe grief. And in cases of that, when it becomes really complicated, it's super important to avoid isolation and reach out. And I know that's always easier said than done, but ultimately our mental health, our wellbeing is on us. You know, some of us are blessed enough to have people who might notice that we having a hard time and make these recommendations for us.

Speaker 2:

But otherwise, if you are being conscious of your thoughts and your emotions, if you're paying attention to them, ideally this is something you may notice, like this is something I'm really struggling to get through. This doesn't feel right. I think I should talk to someone and there is no shame in that. So please make sure that you do that if you're feeling that. So getting into the stage breakdown, so denial, that's it's kind of self explanatory, right? It's kind of a, this isn't happening sort of feeling. It may be paired with some numbness, some shock where you just stare off and can't really feel anything. Denial is definitely one of the, one of the ones that I think everyone experiences, it's kind of hard to accept a loss when you're first presented with it, no matter what that loss is. You know, again, like I said, it could be the loss of a relationship or a loved one or a friend.

Speaker 2:

It could be a lot of things, but that this isn't happening. Feeling is generally what hits us first. From there you may experience anger and that's, you know, feeling, feeling frustrated, feeling helpless. For a lot of us can turn into this feeling of anger of this shouldn't be happening, not necessarily what denial is where it's, this isn't happening, I'm feeling numb. It's this shouldn't be happening. I am angry that this is happening. I'm angry that I wasn't able to do anything to prevent it. So anger is another one that is common and if you are feeling the impacts of anger, I would encourage you to to keep moving through this process to the best of your ability and not let that anger take a hold of you and be directed outward. You know, take some deep breaths, do some things that are good for yourself.

Speaker 2:

We'll discuss that a little later in this podcast. But as someone who spent the majority of their life angry, I feel for anyone who is experiencing anger because it really does impact your body and your mind in such a powerful and very unpleasant way. So from anger you may move into bargaining and bargaining is something that a lot of us will do when it comes to loss. And it's, it's unfortunate because it really is not helpful. This is one of the things that, you know, it may be a stage that we all are likely to experience, but it's one I would encourage you to really look at and try to correct those thoughts when they come up. Because you may be thinking constantly what you could've done or what you should have done in order to prevent whatever tragedy it is that's happened. And the fact of the matter is is it's not your fault.

Speaker 2:

It doesn't really matter how things went it, it's not all on you. The other side of bargaining may be, you know, praying to God, trying to make a deal with, with your maker or, or whatever your beliefs are and say, I will do this. If you can just bring this person back to me or this relationship back to me. And that's, that's essentially what bargaining is. It's just, it's all of the what ifs. What if I had done this? What if we had thought this way? What if I had not done this? And then it's, is there anything I can do now to fix this? Can I correct it? Can I bring this person in? Relationship or thing back? So bargaining is another one that the majority of us I think tend to go through from there. The next stage, and again these don't always happen in this particular order.

Speaker 2:

Not everyone experiences every stage, but the next stage of grief is depression and depression versus sadness. They are not the same exact thing. Depression is comprised of sadness and excessive crying, potentially sleep issues, decreased appetite. It's less about feeling sad for something in and is more about your whole body being affected by it. Your ability to live your daily life being impacted by it. Depression is that feeling of I just can't that that lack of interest in anything. Even the things that used to bring you a great deal of joy. Don't be surprised if you experienced this including if you start to feel really foggy or jumpy or moody. Your emotions are likely to go a little haywire and we were going to talk a little bit about how that kind of comes about, but again, depression is a normal part of this process, but if it is super prolonged, if you are really having extreme difficulty with maintaining any semblance of a normal routine, if you are having thoughts that your life is no longer worth living or if you're having thoughts of self harm, if you are having a very difficult time not blaming yourself, that is a potential sign that this is what is considered complicated or prolonged grief and this may require some intervention from a professional.

Speaker 2:

So please seek help if you feel unable to live your daily life in the midst of your grief because it is hard to get into a good routine. I understand that, but there should still be a good number of things you can do during your day to keep yourself moving forward. If you are unable to do any of those things, please, please seek some help. Because I, I promise you this experience can be not necessarily easier, but can be done in a healthier manner. You do still have the ability to keep moving forward in your life even while experiencing the stages of grief. So the final step of grief, the final stage is acceptance. And this is exactly what it would seem like. It's, it's that moment where you are kind of at peace with it. Finally, it's you seeing that what's done is done, that the loss did happen and that you're going to be okay and it's okay to be okay after these losses.

Speaker 2:

It's okay to move on and have a life of your own. And especially for those of us who have lost people we love, sometimes that's, that's a hard thing to wrap your mind around to, to realize that you do deserve to have your own lifestyle. You do deserve to feel happy no matter how this came about. And if you lost a family member, if you lost a relationship, I don't think any of those people would want you to be miserable forever. You deserve to feel good. So acceptance is that final step where you get to see this where you get to feel I deserve to have my life, I deserve to keep moving. One of the things that I personally find a great deal of comfort in is understanding how my brain works and what neurological or physiological changes might actually be happening in my body to make me feel a certain way or to contribute to my feeling.

Speaker 2:

So I did some research on what some of this does to your mind. And it is interesting because you know I mentioned earlier, don't be surprised if you feel foggy or if you feel jumpy or moody. So when you are experiencing this grief, your cortisone levels peak, which is, it's an intense, persistent stressor. It can fuck with your immune system. It can make you feel weak, rundown you. A lot of people, when they're experiencing grief, they also get sick during that time. And it's because of that potential impact. To your immune system. So don't be surprised if that happens. It's not another sign that the universe hates you and wants you to feel bad because you, you are now sick while grieving, it is something that is likely to happen because of the changes happening in your body. Additionally, your fear center in your brain is overactive, so that kind of jumpy, moody feeling is, is more likely to happen.

Speaker 2:

You made jump quicker. You may react in ways that you are not likely to react to things that would not normally bother you. It's not your fault, it's your brain. Other parts like your fear center may be overactive and other parts of your mind may be underactive, which can make it really difficult to regulate your mood. You might sleep too much or too little, which also impacts your ability to regulate your mood. So those crying boughts on and off the the happiness that fades quickly and then suddenly you're angry or sad or whatever that is totally normal and natural, being more forgetful. Having those moments where you stand up to do something and then you just stop and you don't know what you even got up to do. That's totally normal. As a part of grief you are likely to experience some forgetfulness and some brain fog.

Speaker 2:

So I wanted to to share that with you just to give you another clue of what you might be likely to experience. And also another reminder that if you experienced these things it is okay. It is kind of a part of it and it will subside, especially if you take good care of yourself. So getting into some healthy ways to grieve. I want to quickly point out again like there is no right way to grieve there. There are lots of healthy behaviors, there are lots of unhealthy behaviors for sure, but there is no absolutely correct way where if you are grieving, just go straight to this process and you will feel better in no time. And when it comes to grief, depending on the loss that you've suffered, it may take up to a year for you to feel fully yourself again for those, those almost pockets of grief to not be popping up as frequently as they had in the past.

Speaker 2:

So I hope that doesn't discourage you, but I hope instead, it just lets you know that if you have been struggling with a loss for a long time, you're not alone. It's, it's pretty common and you can still live a good life while you are experiencing this. I heard a quote that the cure for grief is motion and I really liked that. Um, I wanted to just add to it that I believe the cure for grief is motion and conversation. It is, we are social creatures. Our bodies thrive on that. Our minds thrive on that. I could list so many different studies that indicate how much our bodies are trying to push us towards other people when we're hurting. So I think it's important that we listened to that and I think it's important that you remember. It's okay to smile and laugh. Joy is always good.

Speaker 2:

Even in the midst of grief. So to talk about some of these habits that you could have while you're going through grief, I want to encourage you again to remember, do not self harm, please. That is absolutely not the answer and that self harm may be in the form of actual physical damage to your person, but it might also be in the form of your behavior. So do your best to take note of your own actions and behavior and, and avoid things that don't serve you. Avoid things that are only smothering the feelings but not allowing you to actually feel them and work through them. And as I get into my own personal stories, I can explain a little bit about my own experience with destructive behaviors during grieving processes. Um, another thing, like I said, give yourself some time. It is a process. It's going to vary day by day.

Speaker 2:

Some days you are going to feel incredible and you might even feel guilty for feeling good. Other days you may have difficulty doing all of your basic activities and you know the idea that that time heals all. I'm going to be honest, as someone who has suffered a lot of losses, I don't particularly enjoy when people tell me that like, hey, hang in there, time heals. All my immediate thoughts are shut up. No, it doesn't. I've been through this. I know that time doesn't just heal all. It's not really something that fully ever heals. It's like, it's like an open wound to me, but you learn ways to go about your life and your day without it being the only thing you focus on. But there are some days where you might have a memory come up of that person that you lost and you can, you can look back on it and smile and feel joyful, and then another day that a similar memory or another one might come up and it might feel like someone poured salt in that wound.

Speaker 2:

Again, it, it varies and that's okay, but one of the things that I learned is that our brains can't really tell the difference between our memories and our existing reality. What we're actually facing in this moment, and memories that are tied to emotions generally tend to be recorded in extreme detail. So that pain that you felt upon learning of this loss, that pain that you felt as you process this loss, I don't necessarily believe that it's subsides. It's just visible or, or something that you can notice, uncertain days and something that you may not be as aware of on other ones. But when you have those moments that transport you back into your grief, it is like you are living the exact experience over and over again. Your body feels the same way. Your mind feels the same way. So it's really important that you take care of yourself so that you can feel better knowing that you're going to have some days that are easier than others and knowing that you'll have some days that are harder than others.

Speaker 2:

Um, I hope that that makes sense to all of you. Now, I said I, I believe that the cure for grief is motion and conversation. Talk to people. Please do not isolate yourself. It. Isolation is something that just feeds into other really detrimental processes in your mind that the longer you isolate yourself, the harder it becomes for you to connect again, the harder it becomes for you to do basic things like read the faces of the people that you love and care about. The more likely you are to start reading into things that aren't there in a negative way to start perceiving threats that don't actually exist. So please avoid isolation. It even if you have friends or family who you just feel comfortable being in the room with and you don't even speak, just be around people, give yourself some, some comfort. And if you don't have people in your life that you can lean on, look to support groups, look to therapy, there's absolutely no harm in that and there is so much to be gained from communicating with others.

Speaker 2:

So please remember to keep talking. Isolation is not the answer. Another thing that could make a major difference for you, and this is something I'm going to talk about in a great, uh, a great deal when I get into my own personal experience. Your self care routine is vital, so, so, so important. I really cannot stress that enough. If you don't already have a self care routine, it may seem silly, but right now if you're grieving and you don't have a self care routine or even if you're not grieving, like set one up right now, right now, pause this podcast. If you need to grab a pen and paper and figure out a routine that can help you too. Take good care of your body and mind because it can make everything in your life a little bit easier to work through. It can help you keep moving forward even on the days that are really, really hard.

Speaker 2:

And that is, that is so important for us to be able to create these lives that we want to live. You know, don't forget that your hobbies still exist, even if you don't feel quite the same interest in picking up that art set or in going out and doing these things that you love. Try to do it anyway. Try to incorporate those hobbies and the things that bring you joy, your music you're writing. Try to incorporate that and your routine because it can really help you to process this grief in a very healthy manner. And again, I wanna remind you, support groups exist. They exist for a reason. You are not the only person that's experiencing these feelings. They may be unique to you. Yes, we all experience things differently. But you having conversations with people, you reaching out and talking to your friends, family, or a support group can make a major, major difference in how this process goes for you and how quickly you can kind of move through it and get back on track.

Speaker 2:

Now I understand whenever I record a podcast episode or talk about a topic in stream, I always like to let people know where the information is coming from. Right? So in this case, what I just shared with you, a lot of that was my research, what I'm about to share with you. It's my own personal experiences with it and how my research and my, my constant interest in, in self mastery, self improvement, self help, whatever you want to consider it in being the best version of myself that I can be in understanding myself, how that has helped my own grieving process. So the timing of this podcast is, is actually interesting and, um, I'm hoping I won't get emotional, um, or at least to emotional while I'm recording this because I'm a little pressed for time and I do want to get this out. Um, today's the 4th of March.

Speaker 2:

So tomorrow marks 11 years since the loss of my older sister, Tanya. She passed away a few months before her 25th birthday, 11 years ago. And it was a shock to me. It was, it was an incredible shock to me. You know, I was certainly much younger at the time. You know, that happens when 11 years passes. And up until that point, I had genuinely believed that my sister was invincible. She had been through so much. If, if you're a little newer to this community and you aren't aware of, my sister was born with a liver disease, it's called biliary Atresia. And when she was born, the doctors had to perform this emergency procedure called a [inaudible], which is essentially rerouting bile ducts to prolong the life of her liver. They told our family that she wasn't likely to survive the night. Then they said she probably wouldn't make it to her first birthday, Venner fifth.

Speaker 2:

Then they said she probably won't develop and become a healthy adult because a lot of people with this particular disease have stunted growth and their bodies don't quite form, um, properly or, or to their full ability. And it turns out that the doctors were way wrong. The one thing that they were right about is that eventually her liver would fail her and she would need a new one. So my sister was a bad ass. Like she, she was such a fucking sweetheart and she was so kind. And she would go around talking to drivers Ed classes about the importance of becoming an organ donor. And by the way, if you're not, please look into what it takes to become an organ donor in your area. Some areas you can just sign up or sign the back of your license. Some areas you can, you need to go online and register.

Speaker 2:

Just do me a favor please. As is a genuine personal favor and look into it. Look into what it takes to become an organ donor. You know, you can't take those organs with you when you die, but you may be able to help countless other people live. So it's, you know, I don't want to impose my own beliefs on you here, but just please look into it. Look into some of the myths and the false hoods that are around it. Do some research and see if it's something that you can sign up for. Because my sister received three different liver transplants throughout her life and those I, I will never stop being grateful for because I had more time with her. You know, the doctors didn't think that we were going to have her as long as we did and she kicked ass through three liver transplants and countless of other procedures and surgeries.

Speaker 2:

So one of the things, you know, I mentioned, I felt my sister was invincible, right during her first liver transplant, the doctors told her that the, kind of like the rundown of how it was going to go, you're going to be in the hospital for x amount of time after this, you're going to be on a ventilator for, I think they said around a week, and you'll probably be in here for another few weeks before you can go home. My sister, being a teenager at that time about to undergo a 24 hour life saving surgery to change out her liver with a new one. She just looked at the doctor's and said, no. Very calmly, nope, not gonna happen. I'm not going to be in the hospital that long. I will not be on a ventilator that long. And ventilators, if you're not familiar, it's, it's the tube that goes all the way down your throat into your lungs and breathe for you.

Speaker 2:

It's, it's machine breathing and it's for someone who is conscious, it is very unpleasant. So even the aftermath of it, if, if you, you know, come out of surgery and you're on the ventilator for a while, even if you are unconscious for all of it, when that vent comes out, there's a lot of discomfort generally in your throat as you can imagine. So my sister never liked the vent and they told her she was likely going to be on it for a while. She just said no. She said she was planning on being off the ventilator the same day. And the doctors kind of laughed at her. You know, they were kind people and everything, but they had seen countless shirt surgeries. I'm sure they'd probably performed so many and they had all the stats and science and all the facts and I'm putting facts in quotation marks here.

Speaker 2:

Um, they had their knowledge and their beliefs and my sister had hers. She told them how it was going to be and that's how it was. She came out of that surgery with flying colors. She was off the ventilator, I want to say an hour later, and she was out of the hospital like a week later. So it was, I lived a life with my sister doing these things constantly, constantly proving people wrong and showing just how strong she was. And I tell people during our mental health streams, I believe the reason I lost her is because she lost that, that faith in herself. She lost the desire to fight and when her mind gave up, her body did too. So she went into the hospital at 24 with bronchitis. The bronchitis turned into pneumonia. The pneumonia turned into necrotizing pneumonia and she wound up in the hospital for around three months.

Speaker 2:

And this really, really hurt her. We were living together at the time. She had a good life. Like she was really feeling good about what she was doing. Um, and spending all that time in the hospital had her feeling like a burden unto our family and it, it weighed on her heavily. We almost lost her several times during that three month process, but it was that same thing like we all believed she was invincible. So we just kept showing up, showing up for her day after day and waiting for the day that she felt better. And sure enough, that day came after around three months in the hospital in too many scares, she was released and at the time I was working at, uh, at Harley Davidson and I will never forget this. My mom swung by my work with my sister and my sister was so excited. She was ecstatic that she had finally gotten released.

Speaker 2:

It was a beautiful day in March. And you know, if you're familiar with the Midwest or the Chicago area, beautiful day in March, sometimes that's hard to come by. So it was a gorgeous day. She was in an amazing mood. She stopped by and gave me a hug. She had a bag of junior bacon cheeseburgers in the car and she was going to go and stay with my mom for awhile while she fully recovered from everything she had just endured. So it was, it was a beautiful thing to see her in such good spirits. And another reminder for me that my sister was invincible, that there was nothing that was going to stop her that night. My mom woke up in the middle of the night to my sister crying out in extreme pain. She was having really bad leg pains and had to be rushed to the hospital.

Speaker 2:

They found out that she had a blood clot so they immediately worked to reverse the, the potential of or two to. They basically tried to work on, on minimizing that blood clot so they immediately put her on blood thinners, anticoagulants to try and break it up and try and keep her blood flowing nice and smoothly. Unfortunately, prior to these blood thinners, something must have happened internally. Something must've gotten bumped. Maybe when she fell out of bed, something went wrong. And while she was on these blood thinners because they were concerned about this blood clot, she started internally bleeding.

Speaker 2:

My sister, because of her transplants, many doctors didn't know what to do with her. So in extreme cases when they were concerned they had to defer to other sources. So, um, they wanted to airlift her to the hospital that she had just recently started going to in Wisconsin because they were familiar with her condition and her transplants and basically how different her, her body was from everyone else's. So they attempted to airlift her. But you know, I mentioned we had a beautiful march day the day before this particular day we were hit with a snow storm out of nowhere and that blizzard made it impossible for them to airlift her to the hospital. There were two very sweet nurses that were getting off duty at the time and they said they would accompany her in the long ambulance ride through a blizzard all the way up north to this hospital in Wisconsin.

Speaker 2:

So my parents hopped into their car and um, planned to meet them there and they took off in the ambulance. I'll never forget that moment and I talk about this frequently in our mental health streams for a reason. The mind, body connection is real. If you take good care of your mind, if you set your intentions to positive things, your body pays attention. This was the first day that I had seen my sister give up. I saw it, I felt it. She was so upset. She was so upset to be going back into the hospital after just getting out after just imagining her life good again. You know, having her own routine and doing her own thing and just being a young adult. And this idea of going back, it really broke her spirit. The doctors told her that she needed to take off her jewelry before she got in the ambulance and headed off. And my mom had just bought her this new mood ring that she was very happy about. She always loved the movie mind girl and mood rings proved big part of that. And she handed me her mood ring to put on and I told her I was going to hold it for her, but the moment I put it on and I saw her face, I knew, I knew I was never going to give it back to her.

Speaker 2:

I knew it. I knew that she had given up. I could see it. It was inner speech. It was written all over her face. She didn't want any more of it. She was over it, so I begged her to fight, but it was clear she wasn't going to and that night, the nurses that, that road with her all the way, they said that she was very talkative the whole way to the hospital and then as they arrived in the parking lot, she passed away quietly and peacefully and I lost my sister 11 years ago, tomorrow, the 5th of March.

Speaker 2:

I said I was going to share my personal experiences here because I want you guys to understand that when I say I know what you're going through, I really do. You know, like I said, we all go through it differently, but I know how it feels to suffer a loss that I believed would never come. I really, I really didn't see that coming. So I was in denial for a while after that. And when it came to my grieving process, after the loss of my sister, who was my best friend, handled it very poorly. And I want better for all of you. I really do. You deserve better than the heavy depression that I fell into. And, and keep in mind, I was diagnosed with severe depression years and years before the loss of my sister. I had been battling depression and anxiety and panic disorder and insomnia and all of these problems before this extreme loss, before this thing that I never thought I would have to experience.

Speaker 2:

So I withdrew. I drank and smoked and I smoked weed. A lot of it. And you know, I advocate for marijuana usage in a healthy manner. Using it as a tool or using it. You know, when you're in a good state of mind, not to correct a bad state of mind, but I did not do that. I used it poorly. I was in a fog for months, months and months where I just couldn't do anything, didn't want to do anything. The idea of living a life without her seemed stupid. It just, it really broke me. It really did. I, I couldn't, I couldn't accept that she was gone and then when I did start accepting that she was gone, I couldn't accept that I didn't do more for her. I started regretting all of the time that I had been at work all the time that I had done other things that I of course needed to do instead of being there in the hospital with her.

Speaker 2:

You know, of course when you lose someone, you start thinking, I should have spent more time with them. But once it's done, it's done. Be Thankful for the time that you did spend together and that's, that's where I'm at now. Now that I'm able to process this in a healthy manner. That's, that's my view on it. That's that is I believe the way to do it, to focus on the things that you can be thankful for. So when my sister died, I went off the deep end and it started a really bad downward trend. I quit my job because I hated my boss for preventing me from seeing my sister more and that wasn't a great thing to do. Like I think it was the right thing to do still in this moment, but it resulted in me going into debt, getting evicted from the house.

Speaker 2:

My sister and I shared and being so poor for so long that my meals for months, we're just chicken and rice because it was the only thing that I could safely eat and feed my dogs at the same time. I couldn't afford to buy dog food. I couldn't afford to buy many things so I would just make chicken and rice and I would share that with them. There was a gas station a few blocks down from my house and I would walk there in the mornings and I would walk that entire parking lot looking for spare change I could pick up so that I could go and get my car and drive it back to that parking lot and put maybe a dollar or two of change in there and then go to a staffing agency at 5:00 AM and see if they had any jobs I could take for the day.

Speaker 2:

Um, it was, it was a really terrible period of time and my life and it lasted a long time. And I believe that a good part of that is because I didn't give myself the freedom to grieve in a healthier manner because I didn't, I didn't allow myself to feel like I was important. You know, I didn't, I didn't prioritize myself at all during that time. So grieving is something that can be almost a beautiful process. And I know that this, this is something that I, I'm sure some of you may be hearing this and if you're grieving currently, like if you're thinking mentally, fuck you, you don't know me, I understand it and you're right. I don't, I don't know you fully right. I only know my experiences, my research and what I'm sharing with you, but I do have a belief and I have this belief that the grieving process, if we kind of prepare ourselves for it by having a good state of mind and having a good routine and having the awareness that loss is something that we are, that we are all going to suffer at some point.

Speaker 2:

I think it can be something that doesn't tear you apart, but instead it's just a process. You move through and you learn a little bit about yourself as you go. So having said that movie, I'm going to move into the next stage of grief or the next really powerful experience of grief that I went through and it was actually earlier this year, my father passed away unexpectedly in January. One of the reasons why this month, this, this particular march is going to be really hard on me is because not only did I lose my sister 11 years ago tomorrow, but the day we buried my sister was actually my father's birthday and that day is coming up. Um, it's the 10th. So my father passed away unexpectedly from a stroke, um, in January. And it, it literally came out of nowhere. He was healthy, you know, to an extent he was, he was nearly 80 and had his own health issues, but my family had just had a beautiful holiday with him and you know, I had just talked to him and he was, he was his usual self.

Speaker 2:

So his death came as an absolute shock to us. But the difference in these two periods of grief for me is what happened in between last year. If you've been following this podcast, if you've been around my stream for awhile, last year, the beginning of 2018, I decided that I had had enough of feeling terrible all the time that I was done being miserable and depressed and anxious and unable to leave. The House and I was done hating myself. I was done with it, so I didn't really know what I was doing yet. I just knew that I wanted something different and I decided to start researching my brain and my body and trying to find ways to make that difference happen, to make myself feel better. And Lo and behold, it worked. It took over a year, but genuinely, honestly, it took less than a year for me to start feeling better, but it took pretty much a year for it to just be me where I could say, I'm happy.

Speaker 2:

This is me. I am not a person who suffers from depression, anxiety, insomnia, any of these other things. I choose who I am every day. I've created myself and I am a happy and grateful person. So part of that process for myself to start feeling better was heavily reliant on this new routine that I adopted. This routine that I researched and implemented that allowed me to see that there were all these things that could be doing on a daily basis that could help me stay in balance, that could help me to think differently, that could help me to see that I'm in control of where my future takes me, that I'm in control of my mind. It might take some time, but you do have the ability to create and control those thoughts and emotions that you have. So when my father passed away in January, I immediately took it as an opportunity to put into practice all of these things I had been working on and I chose the moment that he took his last breath.

Speaker 2:

I chose to be grateful for every moment I had with him and I chose to keep myself moving forward so that this would not be another loss that set me back years and years. I chose that and then I took a break from everything. I got off social media for a couple of weeks. I avoided streaming. I let everyone know what was happening and I told them that I was going to take my time away from those things because when you're working really hard to manage your mental state, it can be very challenging when there's lots of outside influence and social media, twitch, all of these different things have the ability to keep throwing these negative thoughts and experiences that me and then suddenly I have to work a little bit harder to keep myself in balance. So I, I chose to eliminate those things from my routine for a few weeks and I'm so grateful.

Speaker 2:

I really cannot say this enough. The support that you all give me, the support that you provide through your subscriptions, through your tips, through the bits, through following, liking and subscribing and sharing my, my streams and retweeting it, the support that you all gave me allowed me to take that time and not be incredibly fearful of what it was going to do for me. Because a lot of, you know this, this career being a broadcast or being an influencer whenever you want to call it, being a content creator can be a bit scary at times because things fluctuate. Things change all the time. So anyway, again, I'm super grateful for all of you and your support because it did allow me to prioritize myself in that time. During those two weeks, I did not allow myself to stay up late and sleep in late. I refused to let this routine that I had created over all this time completely go away because I know how much it impacts me.

Speaker 2:

I see it, I feel it. I live that change now. So I still went to bed around 10 every night. I still woke up between five and eight in the morning every morning depending on how much sleep I had gotten. I was basically shooting for eight hours of good sleep every night. And every time I caught myself thinking negative what ifs, I redirected them. I instead would think I am grateful for and I would do my best to conjure up a positive memory of time with my father. I would do my best to be thankful for everything because another thing that some of you may not know is that my, my dad was not my biological dad. I was adopted by my, my biological grandmother and my essentially step grandfather. So we were not biologically related, but he was still my daddy of course. And I know infallibly that my life would have been so many times harder if I had not been adopted because my brother, sister and I were all abandoned by her birth mom and if it weren't for our grandparents, who we now lovingly consider our parents.

Speaker 2:

If it weren't for them adopting us, we would've gone to the state and we would have been split up the odds of any of us getting adopted. Who knows? My sister, probably not because she had such severe health issues and people generally don't adopt kids and packs. So I would have lost my brother and sister and the rest of my family if it hadn't been for my parents choosing to sacrifice their retirement and their lives for us. They gave up a lot to adopt three babies when they were at a point when they could have retired. My Dad worked all the way into his seventies he didn't retire until he was 71 I believe, and it was for us. I see that, I recognize it was the perfect man. No, of course not. No one is, but he was my dad and he worked hard for us and I'm grateful for him.

Speaker 2:

So during that week, I chose to focus on not just the things about my dad and our time together that I was grateful for, but on everything that I had to be grateful for because especially a lot of that I would not have been able to have if it weren't for him and that adoption. So every morning I would wake up and I would say what I was grateful for out loud. I would get up in the morning, and it may sound silly to you, but I dare you to try it and tell me it doesn't feel good. I would wake up in the mornings and say, morning house, thank you for protecting me overnight. Thank you for being a roof over my head and keeping us warm during this winter. Then I would go around and I would touch some of my favorite things in the house and I believe that there is a connection there.

Speaker 2:

The things that you, you view and you touch and you connect emotions too. I have a table in my living room that means so much to me because it was something my sister and I got when we moved in together and it's got all of our and names of our friends and people we love carved into it. So I put my hands on my desk or on my table in the morning and I say, I'm grateful for this table. I'm grateful for you. I would go and sit in a chair that I have that I'm, I'm grateful to have because it's my favorite spot to meditate and to read. And I would put my hands on that and say I'm grateful for this chair. And if I weren't doing that while I was journaling, I would write down things that I was grateful for. I made gratitude the primary focus of that process during those weeks and it helped to help immensely.

Speaker 2:

I didn't sacrifice the rest of my routine either. I meditate every day. I talk to people all the time about how much I advocate for meditation. Please, please, please if you haven't looked into it yet, it is not just some spiritual pseudoscience like this is real. Meditation is backed by science. It has profound benefits on your brain and your body are immune system. It is powerful stuff. So I meditated every day, sometimes several times a day for longer than I had in the past and I was so grateful for that because it was another reminder that my thoughts kind of think themselves that all of these negative what ifs, all of the, what if I had been there more? What if I had been a better daughter? What if? What if? What if those weren't me thinking those things. They were just kind of popping up and I was choosing in the past to identify with them, but at this time I said, no, I loved my dad. I was a good daughter to him.

Speaker 2:

I know I was, I know it and I refused to let my mind sabotage me and send me spiraling again into this negative place where instead of being grateful for this life that I had with my dad, that I was just miserable because of all of the things he wasn't going to be there for in the future. And not to say that you can't grieve for those because I did, but I didn't become my grief. I experienced it. I witnessed it, and I worked through it in a way that I did not know was possible in the past. So in those moments where I was thinking about how he wasn't going to be my wedding or around when I have kids in the future or any of the other silly little things that that meant so much to me and I expected him to be, therefore I grieved for those losses as well.

Speaker 2:

But I didn't, I didn't become my sadness. I witnessed it and I experienced it and I felt it, but I can safely say I was still happy because I believe that happiness is a part of you. I believe that it is who you were when you were born. You were born a happy, beautiful baby. You were a happy, curious child and then things changed for a lot of us for many different reasons, but that contentment that we once felt where we were just happy to exist and explore. I believe you can get back to that. Joy is something you pursue in the external world, but happiness, contentment, that is a part of you, so I stayed happy throughout my grief. I stayed happy even when I was hurting and I'm so grateful for all of the work I put in in this past year that I was able to have such a beautiful and profound grieving process because I, instead of being locked in these thought patterns that made me feel worse, I was able to shift myself into thought patterns that helped me to see just how thankful I could be, just how grateful I should be for everything that I've had for all the moments that we shared together.

Speaker 2:

In addition to my meditation, I read, I read every day. I read lots of books that helped me to grow as a person because I believe progression is another thing that helps us to naturally feel better and I exercised. I did yoga, I played soothing, calming music. I had my incense going. I did not drink to excess, which I don't do anymore anyway, but I made sure that if I was gonna smoke weed that I would get myself in a good state of mind before I did it. But I had meditated beforehand or I had finished reading a book or I was going to take a shower or do something creative like play with my, my new paint set or whatever, and then I would smoke. But if I were crying and hurting in that moment, I wouldn't pick anything else up. I would explore those feelings, evaluate them and move myself forward.

Speaker 2:

I hope that this makes sense to you. I hope that this doesn't feel like too abstract of a concept because I can understand if it does. I know that the person I was years ago would hear these things and say, fuck you. I know that the person I was years ago would hear someone say, you can be happy and be grieving at the same time, and I would have thought it was bullshit. I would have thought and did think that meditation, affirmations, visualization, exercise, even all these things that we now know have proven benefits on our brain. I would have thought it was all bullshit and I would have been so locked in the thoughts of you don't know how. I feel that I wouldn't let any of this in. So I understand if you're feeling that way, if you take offense to any of this or if you disagree with it, like please feel free to reach out and let me know what it is that you're feeling and why.

Speaker 2:

And I would love to talk to you about it. My discord. Dems are always open for this reason, but I, I do fully believe that if you get yourself a good state of mind, you can maintain it no matter what comes about including suffering, a loss that you were not expecting or one that you were who, okay guys, we're going to just, we're going to shake it off now. If you're in your car or you're listening to this while you're doing something, just unfurled that brow, roll those shoulders out, take a deep breath with me. The really heavy stuff, at least my, my experiences, my stories are done for right now. I just really wanted to emphasize the differences in my grieving experiences based on the work that I put in. And I'm not saying that the only way to process grief in a healthy manner is to have had a year of work in advance.

Speaker 2:

I think you can be putting this work in while you're grieving and experienced something very similar to what I did. So, like I said, I'm, I'm extremely grateful because the grieving process and partially thanks to the support from all of you was a beautiful thing for me. I spent so much time crying over how grateful I was. I honestly think I cried more out of gratitudes and I did out of grief because it was another reminder of how much I have in my life. Thanks to him, thanks to you guys, thanks to this existence, this universe, whatever. I'm just so fucking grateful. So I hope that if you're going through something right now, that this is encouraging to you, that this is some beacon of hope for you, that you could start feeling better and process this grief at the same time. It's not something where you have to let the grief run its course and then you can start focusing on yourself.

Speaker 2:

You can do both. I believe you can do both. Again, shake it out guys. There's so much to be thankful for. Think of one thing right now in your brain that you're thankful for. Um, and, and then we'll move in to this, this next part here. So we talked about the stages, we talked about some ways that you can cope in a healthy manner. And we talked about my experiences with coping in both and unhealthy and a healthy manner. And now I'd like to talk a little bit about ways that you can help other people who are grieving. Because this is something I've heard a lot as well. I've gotten the question from people like, how do I help someone else? I've never experienced grief. I don't even know how they're feeling. I don't know how to relate to them or how to help. So I tweeted about this because I was genuinely interested to see how many people had experiences similar to mine or had feelings that were similar to mine.

Speaker 2:

And I asked them what was helpful and what was hurtful when they were grieving for people around them to say or do. So what I've compiled now is the ones that I saw most commonly in the ones that I certainly identify with myself, starting with things to avoid when your friends and family are grieving, right? So the first thing I would say is avoid imposing your beliefs on them. And I have a very unpleasant extreme version of this, but a family member of mine lost her child due to suicide and this poor grieving woman went to her church for support and her pastor had the fucking audacity to tell her that her child was not going to be in a better place because suicide is a sin. So this poor grieving woman who was already dealing with the loss of her child was told by an authoritative figure by someone who she leaned on for support that her daughter was in hell essentially like, what the fuck?

Speaker 2:

I don't care if you believe that. If that is a belief that you hold, I'm not going to tell you that you're wrong, but for fuck's sake, I shouldn't have to say this. Don't tell someone that don't, that doesn't help anyone. That is not that. It's just, Oh, I feel like a bunch of you are probably just as angry hearing this that I was hearing it myself. Like don't impose your beliefs on someone else. Please. Now the flip side of this, this may seem well meaning, and I think most of us who have experienced grief understand that you're saying it to be kind, but it may not help as much as you think to say something like, Hey, it's okay. They're in a better place now. Not everyone believes the same thing that you do. Not everyone believes in an afterlife if that's what that is referencing.

Speaker 2:

So to say that to someone in hopes that it's helping to cheer them up, it may not be, you may just be starting a little thought process in their mind that reminds them that they're, that makes them feel more alone because no one understands them. You think they're in a better place. I think personally that they have just ceased to exist and for me, I'm okay with that. Like I could be wrong and I'm okay with that as well, but for people telling me that or saying like they're watching over you, sometimes that isn't helpful. It just, I just want to point that out and this isn't just coming from me. This is something that was reiterated frequently in that Twitter thread from other people that having someone say they're in a better place, it doesn't really help. Telling them how to grieve is also not a great way to do it.

Speaker 2:

If someone is hurting and you start out with, you should really think about what comes next. Like examples that were shared where you should keep your head up. Totally. Yes. That's all it takes. Right? Or You should have known it was coming as the Fed, right? Or you should go do this. You should go do that. The first part of this podcast was me discussing healthy coping mechanisms, but it's because that's the focus of this podcast. If someone were to come to me and express their grief, I promise you that is not the first thing that I would do is just say, you should go and meditate right now that I don't believe it's helpful because it's one of those natural things when someone tells you you should, once those words are uttered, your brain kind of is like, I should what I should, what?

Speaker 2:

You're going to tell me how to do anything and you have this initial resistance, so if someone is asking you, what do you think I should do, that's a totally different thing. Or if they're saying, I really don't know where to go from here, you can say, would you like some thoughts on that? Would you like my feelings, my advice, my feedback, whatever, but don't immediately drop that knowledge on them. Even if it is based in science or whatever, don't immediately try and tell them how to grieve. Okay. Another thing, this is one thing. This is part of the reason why I chose to take that time away from stream as well and social media. Please avoid commenting on how they're grieving. Even if you're trying to do it in a kind way like, wow, you're really handling this well. Believe it or not, that actually kind of makes me feel like shit because after my sister died, one of the first times I was able to get myself out of the house, my friends basically dragged me out of the house to go dancing.

Speaker 2:

And I was so happy in that moment to be out and to be doing something and just living a normal life seemingly at least. And someone I knew came up and um, they approached me and they were like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I heard about your sister. I'm so sorry for your loss. And then they proceeded to say, I can't believe you're outright now. If that were me, I wouldn't have been able to get out of bed. You're doing so well. You're so strong. It's so incredible that you're able to be outright now. And then they reiterated again, like I would have been just shattered, broken, whatever. So I heard that and to me I was just thinking like, fuck, I'm doing this wrong. People are going to think I don't care about my sister. People think that I'm okay because she didn't matter to me.

Speaker 2:

But in reality, like this was just the first moment in a long time where I was actually feeling okay, so having someone comment on your grief and telling you that you're doing a great job with it is surprisingly not as helpful as you would think because we have this idea that we're not supposed to be happy while grieving, that we're not supposed to be able to experience joy or smile. So when someone comments on you smiling or having a good time or laughing about something while you're grieving, it can make you feel like shit. Like you're not doing it right, like you're not respecting that person. You lost enough. So please avoid commenting and how they're grieving. Please, whether it's a negative or a positive way, just just avoid it. Another thing, this happens very commonly. Please avoid overstepping boundaries. I know you want to be there for your friends and family, but if they haven't asked you or if you offered and they didn't answer with some kind of enthusiasm like, yes, I would like you here.

Speaker 2:

Please don't just show up at their house. And I'm sure some of you are doing the like what phase? Like right now, like what people do that. Yes, people do that. I have seen it happen as early as the night that someone passed away. This happened to a very close person in my life that she passed away from cancer and the same night that she passed away because we knew it was going to be coming soon. Her friends showed up at the house drunk, literally drunk and crying, overheard saying they just wanted to come and show support. Totally nice in thought. Right. But no, the family was still processing it. They were still trying to, you know, kind of get started in the grieving process and now suddenly they were responsible for another couple people that were at their house. Suddenly they feel obligated to grab drinks for them or to talk to them when all they wanted to do is just sit there in silence and I've heard this happened from so many other people.

Speaker 2:

People just show up with food. People just show up and sit down on your couch and are asking questions and poking and prodding. Please don't overstep. Boundaries. Give people the space they need. It's okay to check in on them, but don't overstay if you really feel that it's in yours and their best interest to swing by the house and check on him, do it, but don't just go sit down on the couch and make yourself a snack. Don't assume that they want you there. Cooking them dinner. Don't assume. Just ask, do what you feel like you need to do and then give them their space. Another thing, this one was said almost the most, I think in the thread saying something like, everything happens for a reason. I understand the sentiment behind it. It is a kind thought, but it is really not helpful. Especially you know when, when we're talking about like tragedies that happen out of nowhere to have someone tell you this happened for a reason.

Speaker 2:

It really doesn't help anything and for a lot of people, this causes a great deal of anger because they are then stuck thinking, do I lash out at this person? Who's clearly trying to help or do I just suffer through this feeling where I'm just thinking like, you want to tell me the fucking reason that this happened? Why do you think this happened? You know what I'm saying? It a hard thing to get your mind around, so be conscious of the things that you say to other people in that particular instance. I don't believe that that is helpful, so I would avoid it. The next one, I can't imagine myself in your situation. This kind of goes back to that commenting on how they're grieving. When I tweeted and told everyone about my dad passing away, there are so many people who I understand. Again, like I get that this is well meaning, but this is all in the interest of us being more conscious of our behaviors and our words and how they impact those around us.

Speaker 2:

Right. I had so many people tell me, I can't imagine how you're feeling. Oh Man, if my dad died, I would just be devastated. I would never leave my room. I wouldn't be able to handle it. Just just think about that for a second. How does that help? How does that help me with my grief to know that if you suffered the same thing that I did, you would not be able to handle it. Like really? How does it help ask yourself that question please. Because then in that case again, like that does not help me to feel better at all. And in that same kind of thought to say, I can't imagine myself in your situation and then go into this, this nonsense of how it would be so hard on you if you endured it in the same respect, if you were to say, I know exactly how you feel to someone, even if you've experienced grief before, it is not always the same saying I know exactly how you feel does not help as much as you would think I and in the crazy shit is I have had people say stuff like that to me with things that do not compare at all.

Speaker 2:

Like when my sister passed away, having someone tell me, oh, I know exactly how you feel. Uh, my grandma died when I was three years old and it was really hard on me. Like, okay, okay. Yup. Uh, yeah, I can see how that would be hard on you. Totally. I'm not going to try and downplay the grief you may have experienced as a three year old or the grief you may have experienced over the loss of your grandparents, parents, friends, family, whatever. But to tell me, you know exactly how I feel. You're fucking wrong. You're wrong. You don't know exactly how I feel. I'm still trying to process exactly how I feel. So for you to take your experience and just apply it as a blanket on my own it, it's definitely not helpful and it's kind of dismissive. You know what I'm saying? So again, avoid that please.

Speaker 2:

The other, the other things that were reiterated frequently too, we're just move on. Get over it. You weren't that close. Not Helpful. Dude's not helpful. Now, if you want to know what is helpful, one of the things that people said in those threads was friends and family reaching out and saying, I'm sorry for your, my condolences. I'm here for you if you need me, and then actually being there, you know, not saying that and having it be just just lip service, but saying if there's anything you need, like I promise I am there for you. I greatly appreciated when people checked in with me. There were a few of my friends that throughout my few weeks off of social media sent me texts out of nowhere like, Hey, I hope you're having an okay day. Just wanted to let you know I love you. Stuff like that.

Speaker 2:

That meant a lot. People sending me cute stuff every now and then, like not spamming me by any means, but just sending me something that might help me to feel good. That was appreciated. The people who did go above and beyond and they sent flowers or they did kind things for the funeral service, whatever that is kind, but really like ask someone, is there anything I can do for you? Don't assume and then just really it don't say it. If you don't mean it, don't say call me at any time and then have someone call you and you don't return their call for a week. You know the last thing that you want is for someone to feel like they've been cast aside, especially one this, this particular process, the grieving process can lead you to isolating behaviors. I hope that helps. I hope that helps.

Speaker 2:

The, the things that you should not say are are vast. And again, I would encourage you to just think these, these few words to yourself, like how does this help before you offer some of those words to people who are grieving. And then again, like I said, just how can I help? Is there anything that I can do for you that might make your life a little easier, that might help you to focus on you in these coming weeks, months, days, whatever. That would be my biggest recommendation. Ooh, we're almost done guys. Hang in there. So since we're talking about grief and death, I just wanted to kind of close this up with some other thoughts on death. Talk about it with your family and your friends and your loved ones early and often make it clear like really think about what you want for your own passing.

Speaker 2:

We all know that eventually that day will come for us. Hopefully we all live very long, happy, joyful experience, packed lives, but that day will come. How do you want to be remembered? How do you want to be honored? What do you want to happen with your body? You know, like we talked about organ donation earlier. My father had a DNR, which is a do not resuscitate order and I was grateful that he had that because it took the pressure off of us when he was on life support. We all I think would have agreed to the same thing. All of my brothers and sisters, but having that as a non option, like something we didn't even really have to discuss in great detail was helpful to us. We didn't have to think about what he may have wanted because we knew exactly what he did.

Speaker 2:

One. He chose to make it clear that if he were on life support that he did not want to be held on that for a long time. So what are your final wishes? Do you want to be an organ donor? Do you want to be cremated? Do you want to be buried? What's type of memorial service even would you like to have? You know, death doesn't have to be something that is only talked about when we're hurting. We know that it is a part of life so it can be something we have a conversation on without it being a heavy talk. My boyfriend and I talk somewhat frequently about this, about the type of service that we would want after we're gone, about how we would want people to carry on. And we have also spoken to each other about if I pass away before my boyfriend does, I told him like, move on, please.

Speaker 2:

I would want you to find someone else. It doesn't matter how late in life or how early in life we are. If I go, I'm certainly planning on not doing that. But if I do, I don't want you to be lost or lonely for the rest of your life. I want you to keep focusing on yourself and I want you to find someone else to love. I don't think that diminishes the love that you have for me in any way. So please continue on with your life. And he has expressed the same sentiment to me. So having conversations like these be a part of your life without them having to be a super heavy, let's get sad about this kind of thing, I think can be really beneficial. It can alleviate a lot of that pressure and stress that the people who continue on feel after a loss.

Speaker 2:

So if you haven't talked to your friends, family, loved ones about your own personal wishes, or there's, please do. So get it in writing, talk to a lawyer, have a, uh, we'll created whatever it is. You know, we don't know when we're going to go, so we may as well be prepared just in case. I certainly wish you all long, happy and healthy lives. But again, at some point they're going to cease and we want to make it as easy on our family and friends as we can. Now having said all of that, please remember, life is unpredictable. Life is potentially short, so please live your best life, gets yourself in a good state of mind and work hard to maintain it. Get yourself in a routine that allows you to work towards the life that you want every day. You can be happy. You can.

Speaker 2:

You can have these things that you want and crave. You can have the life that you want, I promise you you can, but you got to put the work in and first things first, you got to believe that you can have these things. You have to believe that you can be happy and believe that you can have a life that you deserve and you deserve all of the love and beauty that this world has to offer. You really do so live your best life dudes. I really hope that this podcast was helpful to you and as I've said before, you are always welcome to share your feedback with me. I am an open book and I am completely okay with the idea that I could be wrong at any given time. You guys know, I say this all the time. I don't know shit about shit.

Speaker 2:

Everything I've shared is my best attempt to help with everything that I've experienced in researched, but I could be wrong and if you feel I have been, please don't hesitate to reach out. Like send me a DM on discord. Hit me up on Twitter, whatever. Email me. Let me know your thoughts on this. If this helped you, same, you know, please. I don't just want to hear from you. If you've got something that you disagree with, I'd love to hear if this helped you or if you feel that this might help others and if you enjoyed the episode and you could leave a rating and a review on iTunes or wherever you're getting your podcasts from, that stuff can help me to continue to grow this podcast and continue to put out content that I think might be able to help other people. I got more good podcast episodes coming soon, guys.

Speaker 2:

I'm very excited. The Adi TL episodes, which were the a day in the life episodes. Those are breaking off into their own podcast. I was really enjoying doing them, interviewing people about their lives. Their jobs is fascinating for me and I had so many people respond to my pinned tweet, which was still pinned, telling me about their interesting jobs and their interest in being on this podcast. So the Adi Tl podcast, we'll be launching sometime this month. I have a new cohost, my best friend Taylor, some of you guys might know her. She has a new lifestyle blog that you can find at m lit co and I'll include all the links in the description for this. You can find them there as well, but that's what you can expect as far as the day in the life episodes. They're gonna start branching out on their own. The mine of snaps podcast.

Speaker 2:

We'll continue on. We will have more high history episodes coming soon. We will have more episodes to discuss. All kinds of things that I'm curious about and I've got some other interviews slated for this month so I can't promise a super consistent schedule until I figured out all of this PC stuff. But fingers crossed, everything continues to go well and I can get back on track again very quickly and go back to doing these once a week. Do me a favor, check out my amazing podcast editor, nick Twitter. It's Nick AMC, Nick Amok on Twitter. He is awesome. If you need a podcast editor, I highly recommend him. Guardian con tickets are still on sale. I will be speaking again at Guardian con this year if you would like to see me speak on mental health slash mindfulness, go get your tickets. The con is one of the most inclusive events I've ever been to.

Speaker 2:

It is so much fun. It is not just about destiny. So if you're thinking it's just a destiny thing, it is not. It benefits St. Go research it, go look at it. Guardian con in July in Orlando. It is going to be a great fucking time and I really would love opportunities to get to meet you all face to face and get to know you a little bit better. So check that out. I do offer coaching now on my patrion in addition to the photography that's been there for awhile, so if you would like to schedule some hour long calls every other week, every month, however you want to set it up or even just a onetime thing where we can kind of talk through some goal setting and some ways to get yourself on a good routine that can help you to start feeling good as well. Then I would love to help you with that.

Speaker 2:

Check out the page on, that's patrion.com/she snaps my Twitter and my Instagram and my youtube, which we'll have more stuff coming soon. Those are all mind of snaps, just like the podcast, so go follow, interact, converse with me there. I really appreciate all the feedback and all the silliness and all the positivity, so thank you for the follows and the in the interaction. I certainly would love to talk to all of you there as well and then we have a discord. I failed to mention that I think in my previous podcast episodes, but the discord server is snap pack like you know I'm she snaps, snap pack, all one word and that is open to everyone. It is not just a subscriber only thing that is free for all of Ya so please check it out. We've got some great, great channels in our discord, like our fitness motivation, the mind body connection.

Speaker 2:

We have one dedicated to you being able to share your art, which is the gallery that can be your, your art, your photography, whatever pictures of cool shit. We have our creative writing channel, which is awesome. If you are a writer or a poet and you want to share your creative writing, you can do that. If you are a musician or you want to share music that inspires or influences or helps you. We have a music channel, there's a family channel, there's the LGBTQ plus channel. We've, we've got it all. I'm telling you, come join us, be a part of this community because it is truly unlike any other that I've ever seen and not, I'm not just saying that because I am a part of it, but it is you guys like you, those of you who have been doing this with me for a long time, you are the reason this community is great and those of you who haven't joined up with us yet, you'll see, you'll see what I'm talking about very soon as a very encouraging and uplifting place. So go check out all those things. I'll drop links in the description of this and take good care of yourselves guys. Make it a good week. And again, I really appreciate you tuning in. I appreciate all of your support and all of your encouragement and kindness and generosity. More episodes coming soon and I look forward to sharing the Adi Tl podcast with you. Have a killer day to day. Go make awesome.

Speaker 1:

I'm shit happen. Manifest Dope Shit and I will talk to you all. Oh yeah. And don't forget to come in, hang out with me on twitch, twitch.tv/she snaps. I'm live Monday through Friday, noon central until around five or six and it's just open flow. We talk about all kinds of shit, like video games. It's good stuff. So coming out, have an awesome day. Take care of yourself. I.