First Cup of Coffee - January 22, 2024

A few thoughts today on marketing, newsletters, why you can be like Enya and not HAVE to do anything, why empty, supposedly "Inspirational" sayings annoy me, and some thoughts on Brotopia by Emily Chang.

Brotopia by Emily Chang is here https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/547571/brotopia-by-emily-chang/

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Transcript

00:02.33
jeffekennedy
Good morning everyone this is Jeffe Kennedy author of epic fantasy romance I'm here with my first cup of coffee. Ah delightful Today is Monday January Twenty second 1 22 24 one day I'll get over this or maybe not Ah yeah here we are with a brand new week I have a number of things to talk about I want to talk about a book I'm reading um a little bit more about misogyny sorry guys. Ah, yeah I have several points about this because this book is making me think about things I also want to talk about inspirational stuff. Um, and also a bit on marketing so many many things to talk about today. Ah. And in no particular order I bet I have notes. So um I had a great weekend. The SFWA HEAquest went off fantastically it was just really terrific. Everyone had a great time. Um I listened in on all 3 panels and they were all really interesting I got some very interesting ideas from them. Did I mention interesting. Um, it was yeah, really really a terrific event and i.

01:32.75
jeffekennedy
Um, really glad that we got it done and maybe next year we can expand it. They really want to make it into more of a mini con them being the romance steering committee and so so yeah I was really pleased with it. Um I even listened to as I said I was not. I was going to I was kind of monitoring making sure that everything was going. Okay, even though other people were there I didn't need to um but I was invested and also interested and I listened to the newsletter panel. The third panel. On marketing which I had thought I was not going to do because I you all know I'm rather famously I wouldn't say anti- newsletter but I am anti the concept that newsletters are the be all and and all of marketing I am also. Not a huge fan of marketing full stop. Um, which I think is probably to my detriment. Um, but I will I will keep coming back to the same thing which is how I give advice and i. I do try to make it clear when I give people advice that this is me this is you know what? I believe um, and and what works for me and I think that that's a core concept. You know that what works for 1 person doesn't necessarily work for another.

03:07.42
jeffekennedy
And that goes for for all aspects of being a creative. Um I saw a really interesting Instagram post which I reshared about Enya the musician musician and singer that apparently she has never gone on tour. She never ever does a public concert. She lives on a remote castle in Ireland she does not do all of those must things she records entirely in private with a few people and that's how she does her thing. Um. And you could say well yeah, but she's not Taylor Swift you know, selling out stadiums around the world and making billions but she doesn't want to do that see that's not why she's doing what she's doing and 1 thing for me is that well I very much want to make a living as a writer and. And doing so um, you know sometimes it's squeaking by but I'm doing it. Ah if I were only in it for the money. It wouldn't that wouldn't do it for me right? because I could I'm fortunate and that I am well educated and. Fairly skilled and I know how to work in a corporate environment if I wanted if all I cared about was making a living doing whatever then I would go get a job but so for me the most important thing is so I want to write books I want to tell stories. So.

04:39.35
jeffekennedy
Marketing for me always comes second or maybe farther down the list. Um, but I will say I do try to keep an open mind I know appearances to the contrary. My. The girls on my discord were teasing me because I do make a big point of saying that there are new stupid questions that everyone um you know should feel free to ask anything that they want but I came down on someone for something and I don't even remember what it was now where I said no this this isn't this isn't a good answer. And she was laughing at me. She's saying there may not be stupid questions but there are stupid answers and I was like fair mea culpa um I absolutely believe that there are stupid answers and and it annoys me when there are bad answers out in the world. Bad information.

05:32.13
jeffekennedy
So and I guess I could do a little sideways jaunt into one of my notes and return to this the marketing thoughts but 1 of the things that I really that gets under my skin. Is the empty inspiration and I feel like there's so much of us on the internet and I feel like people really want it. Ah and it's um, people saying things. So I'm trying to figure out a way to um.

06:10.10
jeffekennedy
Cleaning this up file off the sereal numbers but somebody said a thing like um, the only thing getting in your way is you and once you get over that you are totally free and you can accomplish anything you want.

06:28.45
jeffekennedy
And I've heard variations on this all my life and I am here to say that I believe that's that's utter bullshit um I really I really just do so full disclosure I did martial arts training for. Wow 15 years something like that and that was one of my teachers favorite sayings like if you couldn't if you weren't progressing if you couldn't do what you're supposed to do. That the only problem was that you were getting in your own way and that you had he was like you always have you have to learn how to get out of your own way and over time it became very clear that. It. It was not a great environment I'm going to come right out and say it was ah a toxic environment. There was a lot of shit going on which I've since discovered happens in a lot of martial arts schools. Um, you know teachers sleeping with their students and you know it becomes more about their. Cults and their self-ag grandndismment than about anything I'll say don't actually want their students to to learn and succeed and so this thing that people say that the only thing getting in your way is yourself.

07:49.48
jeffekennedy
Is um, it's one of those things that kind of sounds vaguely profound. Um, and then it's but it's it's nonsense because nobody knows what that means nobody knows how to change it. You know it's like well and that's why it's a great It's a great line for people who just want to be controlling or who want to bullshit things right? because it's like well if you just get out of your own way then you'd be successful I can't help you until you get out of your own way and you're thinking how do I get out of my own way. Well. nobody knows nobody knows it's nonsense so um I I sometimes feel like I'm not the inspirational podcast that I could be because i. Do believe so strongly in only giving you what are my authentic truths and I don't know a lot of people don't want authentic truths. They want something like oh well if I could just get out of my own way Dan I will succeed I was like okay well I don't know. All of you out there if you have figured out how to get out of your own way if this has some meaning to you I would love to hear it. Let me know be right back. Cat is hung up now. He's fine. Ah so I just wanted to.

09:21.10
jeffekennedy
Venta a little bit on that it doesn't help that I know details about that person that some of the things that they have done for their success are not things that I would recommend. And I know that's tantalizing. But now I feel like I'm really talking out of school so I'll stop there. Um back to marketing thoughts. Um I really do try to keep an open mind and I mean I've done stuff over time. You know like I took the Facebook ads class and I tried doing Facebook ads it did not work for me. And I just feel like newsletters don't really work for me I mean and a lot of you are on my newsletter and I send out my newsletter and I'm sure it has some impact but it is such the Holy Grail for so many people and and i've. I think I've done rants on here before that excuse me, you know, a lot of us don't like doing newsletters and people are told you have to you must and I really bridle at any kind of the you must conversation right. If you've been listening to this for any length of time you know this about me. It's like excuse me I don't know why I'm coughing um there that's better I'm a little throwy today but I'm feeling much better I was feeling a little rundown on Friday but.

10:50.96
jeffekennedy
Much much better I I also just hung out a lot this weekend and that was good. Um, so yeah, don't let anybody tell you that this is what you have to do there. That's my inspirational That's as inspirational as I get people don't.

11:09.92
jeffekennedy
There is no must. There is okay I'll take it back. There is 1 thing if you want to be a writer. There is 1 thing you have to do and I know that you're all shouting it back to me right? You have to write write the book. That's 1 thing you have to do Enya can live in her castle and never go on tour. And never interact with anybody but she does 1 thing right? She makes her music and so that that's the thing if you want to create then you must create and there's there's not really way getting around that not even with chat Gpt. Sorry people. So um, one of the things that they said in the panel on marketing was that you should never make marketing decisions. Based on your own experience which is absolutely what I do so it did stick out to me I was like well but that's very difficult for me to process because how do I operate authentically in the world if I make decisions. That are not based on my authentic experience. Um, you know I suppose that marketing is not about authenticity right? It's it's about influencing people which is not.

12:42.98
jeffekennedy
Something that I love but their point was that you know just because you hate getting newsletters which I hate getting newsletters. Um, that does not mean that everybody does and that their point was is your readers do want to hear from you. And I think that's true and I don't know if I've discussed this before on here I would be interested to hear from those of you who do get my newsletter what you think of it. Assistant Carien does my newsletter. In fact, a lot of times I don't even know that the newsletter is coming out until. Um I see it in my inbox because she just does it and I love that I love that she just does it? Um, but I'm starting to rethink if that's the right way to do it because the girls who were talking about the newslettering and.

13:40.42
jeffekennedy
I'm not gonna be able to think of their names. Sorry um, and I'm not going to pause to look it up I guess I could if I were responsible but um, they they gave a very great talk and I appreciated what they had to say well Kilby Blades was 1 Tammy leveck was another. Now I am gonna look it up. It's good that I looked Tammy LaBreque and A.M. lau so and they were all coming from like marketing backgrounds and they gave really good advice. Ah but 1 of the things that they talked about was that the newsletter should be in your own voice. And Carien does grab text from stuff that I've posted but I'm thinking I'm gonna have to talk with her and I'm going to have to take at least a little bit more of a hand in the Newsletter. So um, for those of you who do get it who do read it? Um, let me know. And feww up thoughts on it I'm sure it could be improved. You won't hurt my feelings if you tell me that it sucks you might hurt Carien's but I won't tell her. Ah but um, yeah, let me know what you would like to see in it I'm just wondering if this is something I should pay more attention to. I put so much into my social media. So like a lot of you listen to this podcast or watch the podcast so I would assume you're not paying attention to the newsletter right? The newsletter I would think is for people who don't catch all my other social media which is what I mainly rely on.

15:17.57
jeffekennedy
So I'm not leaving myself a lot of time which might be just as well. But um, and so I've been reading this book Brotopia by Emily Chang and I will link to it there I made myself a note to or open the tab for it. Um. It's a really good book and I highly recommend it I will do um, go online and do my book recommendations but it's about Silicon Valley and the history of basically computer science and the internet and. It's about the evolution of this very male centric white male centric culture in Silicon Valley and how it has shaped so much of our internet. Our social media the very structure of the platforms we work with um. Kev if you're listening to the podcast I sent you a message on Google chat one of our social media platforms that I think you would really like it. You know they go back and talk about how things shaped in the 80 s and how like in the mid eighty s. About 40% of computer science graduates were female which dropped to precipitously to current levels of 18 and this book really examines the Silicon Valley culture and um, you know how.

16:46.34
jeffekennedy
Female perspectives have become systematically excluded how it created the ground for all kinds of sexual harassment. It's it's a really It's a well-written book and it's a fascinating read. Um and it just brings up brings to mind some things about my own experience that. You know you don't realize at the time because you're immersed in a culture and you don't realize how things impact you um, one thing is I don't wear my hats on the podcast. But many of you know I wear hats when I go out because I'm very fair skinned and I try to protect my skin i. A couple of friends die in their early 20 s of melanoma and it scared me and I I wear hats. Ah, and because it's I don't know if I've told the story I'll tell it fast. What happened was is like I wear hats. Habitually. My very first conference. It was an ah rwwe conference in San Francisco I registered late had to stay at the overflow hotel. So I walked over to the conference hotel wearing my hat I had no place to leave it and so I just wore my hat around and everyone noticed me and everyone remembered me and i. Became within a day known as the woman in the hat and it became part of my brand so I wear it when I'm doing working writers stuff with the exception of this podcast because it's kind of annoying to wear the hat on camera it shades my face and it's annoying to wear inside.

18:22.90
jeffekennedy
But 1 thing that I get a lot is guys making comments about my hats especially in science fiction fantasy realms where they will ask me. Why am I wearing a hat inside and they um, they just. Make comments about my hats that are uncomfortable and sometimes feel harassing and and I don't like it and so once I was not long ago. Actually I was with a group of friends with some people that were like. Ah, one of them was my friend and the rest were her friends and there was a guy there who was from this high finance background and you're very much part of this kind of culture and I was talking about how I don't like. Men making comments on my hands women. Don't do it. Women are always very positive. It's always men making these kind of semi snarky comments and and I said how I didn't like men making comments on my hats I mean now you've heard me say it right? I don't like it. Um, so what is it about people when you tell them I don't like this thing that they then feel compelled to do it certain personalities. So this guy says to me. Well so when you're working at your desk. Do you wear a hard hat and and I pretended to not understand I'm like I don't get it.

19:53.62
jeffekennedy
And he's like you know because you know people working wear hard hats and I'm like isn't that in construction and he's like well yeah I mean because you wear hats and I'm and I said I don't like people making comments about my hats and my friend said to me later and I did feel a little bit bad since this was her friend. Um, she said well you know you you can't take the things that he says too seriously because he's so sweet and and I abided because he was her friend and I was being polite but I thought yes I can I can take those things seriously. Um, and and she is in some ways a much more accommodating person than I am and I know that I am ah I have I have sharp boundaries at times and that's definitely a place where it's like don't don't mess with me. Ah you know and but I thought don't don't tell me. What I can or can't forgive people saying to me right? and I think that's a place where we all are um and that's really come out in this book. You know like what things women are allowed to respond to right. And I didn't get through my whole list. But maybe we don't need to. Ah maybe I will do it on Friday so anyway, ah I hope you all have a wonderful week I hope that you are doing the things that you want to do making money the way that you want to.

21:30.21
jeffekennedy
And that if somebody says something to you that you don't like I am going to wave the permission wand. You don't have to smile you all have great week and I'll talk to you on Friday bye bye.