Kick Off Your Damn Heels: How To Kick Anxiety & Live A Badass Life!

Meet Dr. Teralyn's Hubby, Steve, Together They Are A Couple In Recovery

March 13, 2019
Kick Off Your Damn Heels: How To Kick Anxiety & Live A Badass Life!
Meet Dr. Teralyn's Hubby, Steve, Together They Are A Couple In Recovery
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Kick Off Your Damn Heels: How To Kick Anxiety & Live A Badass Life!
Meet Dr. Teralyn's Hubby, Steve, Together They Are A Couple In Recovery
Mar 13, 2019
Dr Teralyn Sell & Recovery Coach Steve Sell
Meet Dr. Teralyn's Hubby, Recovery Coach Steve - A Couple in Addiction Recovery
Show Notes Transcript

Hello everyone!  Some of you know and others do not know that my husband Steve is a professional Recovery Coach and Addiction Interventionist.  He has been in recovery from alcohol for almost 27 years now. I thought it was time to introduce him to the world and for you to get to know my better half.  I say that because he has overcome so much in his sobriety.  He has a good heart and has been my biggest fan and supporter.  I have invited him on my podcast.  This podcast is for anyone in recovery, wanting recovery or who has a spouse or loved one in recovery.  There is hope.

My husband Steve's Story...

It is probably a good idea to let you in on how I got here in the first place.  My story is not unlike other recovery stories.  It was about 27 years ago when I had my own intervention that lead me into sobriety.  I was a new dad had a good full time job and drank myself to sleep every night.  To this day not even my family knew how bad things had gotten.  This went on for quite a while until my then wife literally got sick of me and kicked me out.  I found myself kicked out of my own home, living in a disgusting hotel room and not being able to see or take care of my toddler daughter.  I knew I was in a bad place when I contemplated suicide.  I had a choice to make.  I could choose alcohol or I could choose to recover my life.  

My first marriage had been a disaster for a while, so divorce wasn’t necessarily a surprise to me.  But, I had no idea how depressed I was about to become not being able to spend time with my daughter.  

The choice became an easy one, I chose sobriety…after some thought and some starting and stopping, I chose my life.  I was about 3 months into my newly found sober life when I met my the love of my life, Teralyn.  Fast forward and here we are 26 years later with 3 grown kids and a passion for helping others....listen in for more!


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Interested in group coaching?  Hop on over to Dr. Teralyn's Exclusive Facebook community "Kick Off Your Damn Heels" Push Yourself & Let Your Squad Push You Further!

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Announcer:
0:01
Welcome to kick off your damn heels. Are you sick and tired of getting bad advice about anxiety? Does it piss you off when people talk about anxiety as something you must claim or just live with forever? All of that crappy advice ends right now. Are you ready? Because we're ready. It's time to get down and dirty and kicking society to the curb so you can live a bad ass life. Welcome to the podcast with guts. And now here's your host, Dr Teralyn.
Dr. Teralyn:
0:39
Welcome back to another episode of kickoff your damn heels. I'm Dr Teralyn and today is a super special episode because I have brought my husband Steve on this, this episode and we're just going to do a little bit of chatting about what it is that he does and how we end up working together. And I have wrangled him in to this episode. So I wrangle him into a lot of things that I do in my life and I thought it was time for people to know who he is, who was on the other side of my life. So everyone welcome my Hubby, Steve. Hi Steve. How are you and I, I have to say we did this, we set this up like this to, make it a little more comfortable for both of us because it was kind of hard to sit us together and squish us both under the camera.
Dr. Teralyn:
1:34
So he's actually downstairs in the dining room and I'm in the office when we do this, so, all right. So please, um, I just want everybody to know how much I adore this man because he has stood behind me and everything that I do stop shaking. He's shaking his head. Most of you are only listening to this and audio. That's what he's doing. But he has allowed me to spread my wings and do pretty much whatever I want to in the business world and I am helping him do the same thing. So, Hello Steve. How are you? Hi. So can you please just tell everybody what it is that you do, who you are, and what it is that you do outside of being my husband. And I know sometimes that is more than enough.
Steve:
2:25
Well as you mentioned, we worked together at our office. I myself, I do interventions, I do a recovery coaching, helping people, uh, uh, good, good over their addictions and start on their new lives. And we do some case management as well as helping people. If someone decides that they need to go to a rehab, we help find the, correct rehab for them, the best fit and feel and getting them started on started on their new lives and putting pieces back together.
Dr. Teralyn:
3:01
And so I want to wrap this conversation up just a little bit and tell people, um, you know, why, why we got into this. So Steve and I haven't always been in the helping profession. We've been married for, well, it's going to be 24 years. Yeah, couple months to go. Yeah. And in a couple of months it will be 24 years. And what does that put us together like it was this 25 years together in January yup 26 probably five or 26 years together. That's a long ass time, man. We've been together a long time.
Steve:
3:38
That'd be 26, because I'm been sober for that long.
Dr. Teralyn:
3:42
Oh yeah, that's true. That is true. So yeah, 26 years together and so we haven't always done this together. This, this is actually like my, what third or fourth career? Some some shit like that. It, it was what, about five, six years ago that I went into private practice. Why wouldn't his private practice a little bit longer than that? And I had said to you, well what did I tell you? You can tell them otherwise. See I have a tendency of like taking over the whole show
Steve:
4:19
what did you tell me? She told me that I should help people or that I should share what I have. I think I said something like, people want what you have but one on one I have. Right.
Dr. Teralyn:
4:32
Hmm.
Steve:
4:33
And I had a hard time figuring that out, figuring what out about that, what I had. Oh, I didn't, I didn't totally understand what, what you meant by that, you know, at the time. Um, cause I would often ask you what do I have that they want? And then viola, you would say sobriety.
Dr. Teralyn:
4:58
okay.
Steve:
4:58
I didn't really understand what that really, what that meant, because it was just who I was. Now you know, it really, uh, as we often as I've often said, I didn't feel like I had done anything special. It was just a matter of doing what I needed to do at the time too. Survive to live another day. I guess
Dr. Teralyn:
5:23
I want to back up this conversation a little bit more. Steve and I met when I was, I'm not even going to do the math right. I think I was 24, 25 and you were 30, you were 30. Probably about 30 and 29 or 30. And we met, and I did not even know this, but we met and you were only about, I thought you were like a year sober or something. You're like six months sober or something.
Steve:
5:55
Probably probably at the, on the high side of that or on. Yeah. You know, that's the other thing is you know, so many people who have sobriety know their quit date. And I don't know what mine is. I have no clue. We just say 26 years because I know that it was around the time that we got together and you know, cause there was so many times that I had quit. You know what I mean? That last year, you know, especially in that last year, I know quit. I quit on a weekly basis,
Dr. Teralyn:
6:38
if I remember this correctly, I had actually asked you out for a drink when we were, we were working together at the cable company and I think I asked you out for a drink at one point and you said you looked at me and you said, I don't drink. And I said, do you drink coffee? And you said, I drink coffee. And I was like, okay. I didn't even think anything of it because I had not, sobriety wasn't a thing that I thought was even a thing at that point. I was just young and yeah. And so I, there were only a couple of times that I remember in the early phases of our relationship that, um, you had even said to me anything about like, I feel like I'm going to walk down cause we used to live in rural close to a downtown area that you wanted to walk down into a bar and I still don't even understand the gravity of those statements today. You know, um, how, how bad it was because you were so early in your sub, in your sobriety. Um, and I didn't recognize how early you word nor I was 25 north, nor should I have even known what that really was.
Speaker 2:
7:53
There was a lot of other stuff going on. How did we survive external external pressures and stressors? There were, I don't, I don't know why I jumped in the middle of a chaotic ship and it, it, uh, remained above water. Sometimes there was more than one coffee cup that traveled across the kitchen at a high rate of speed. What does that mean?
Speaker 3:
8:26
Through more than one mug across the room,
Speaker 2:
8:28
not me. Oh Jeez. I'm like, oh, okay.
Speaker 3:
8:36
I had a broken handle on it hit the wall one day.
Speaker 2:
8:40
Really? That was before me. Right. Hidden stuff that happened 20 some odd years. I did not know. Well, you know, like I said it, I don't know that I was necessarily the cause of that. There were, there was a lot. Yeah, there was a lot of stuff that was going on in the early, our relationship that sometimes I look at and I think, I don't even know how we made it to this point.
Speaker 3:
9:17
Absolutely. I mean, there was a lot of stuff going on. It didn't have anything to do with us but had to do with me I was coming out of.
Speaker 2:
9:27
Right. Right. So if you had, um, if you had any advice to give about, um, relationships in sobriety, and I'm putting you on the spot right now. So if you have any advice on relationships, because I also know that there's, there's some rhetoric around, you know, don't date before one year, blah, blah, blah, all that. We definitely, we broke all the rules. We broke all the rhetoric rules around sobriety. Um, well you broke the rules because you didn't even do it with Aa, you know, guidelines. You broke all the sobriety guidelines. Um, yeah. So, well actually let's talk a little bit about your sobriety then before we go into advice for people. So how did you gain sobriety?
Speaker 3:
10:27
Well, I guess in the true sense of the world, I, I guess you call it whatever you want. That epiphany, that rock bottom, that, that moment of clarity when you finally decide that something needs to change and you get serious about doing something about it. And as I think back, I'm, I'm still not exactly sure what that was, you know, prior to you coming in and, and stuff like that. I mean, you saw some of the aftermath of my life that was imploding on me, um, from just about every aspect. Um, and so then you don't want finally decided that something had to change. And that's why there was so many quit dates because, yeah, I was starting today, you know, I'll do it tomorrow, you know? And so then why the last one? Finally stock? I'm, I'm not exactly sure. Um, I was going, I was, I was seeing a therapist at the time and, and uh, she, she was in recovery and Phil then she kinda talked me into going into or suggested that I go to some of the local Aa meetings, which I did. Um, probably went to, I don't know, maybe half a dozen. Okay. If more than that, it wasn't many more than than half dozen, 10, uh, meetings and, and I just really, it didn't resonate with me for whatever reason, good, bad or otherwise, it just didn't really resonate with me. Um, so then I just, I did pretty much just did it, you know, uh, then you kind of came along and you were probably a bigger supporter without even knowing that you were a supporter
Speaker 2:
12:26
first game. Then I'll just kind of floated my way into your world and Blue Mustang, Blue Mustang.
Speaker 3:
12:48
Why? You know, why and how, you know, like I say, the whole, the whole Aa thing again, it's not that it was a good or a bad thing, it just, it just didn't resonate with me and Hanuman. And even today when I'm, I'm a little bit more well versed on some of the Aa stuff, you know, milling wood, I know now it's just, you know, the old saying of the cliche and so many cliches in the recovery world that, you know, if it works work at or you know, if they do it, if it works, do it. And that's really the, that's really is at the core of things, you know, whatever. There is no one way or one path,
Speaker 2:
13:28
right, right. That ree recovery path that you choose as the choice that you do. And, and you can also like start one thing and start something else and you know, see if that works
Speaker 3:
13:40
and multiple things. So, you know, I mean, we've got, you know, not all we've got, we've got some clientele that do both smart handy
Speaker 2:
13:48
and some clientele, the a Dooney
Speaker 3:
13:50
and, and some of this, some not doing either or or uh, you know, the celebrate or, um, I mean, there's a number of different things around that that you can do. Um, you pull something from each one and embrace it, can make it yours. Own it.
Speaker 2:
14:09
So it's funny because we don't talk about like your recovery, right? Like we don't really talk about it. It's not something that we spend a lot of time on and have ever spent a lot of time talking about. Like, are you drinking, are you not drinking? You know, we just didn't do that. Like when, when we got together, we pretty much just started living in a normal life. You know, you had a little two year old daughter at the time and we just kind of did stuff, you know, and had a good time and dated. It was never, we didn't focus on your drinking, poor lack, drinking, drinking or not drinking. And, and I always talk about this like, because the stage was set in our relationship that drinking wasn't a thing. Like I didn't really even have, you know, wine or anything like that.
Speaker 2:
15:08
And it wasn't like I was like consciously choosing to not do that. I was just like, well, this is the life that we're living, so let's just live this style of life. Um, alcohol just never became important, you know, in, in my, you know, 24, 25, I mean, yes. Did I have my days of drinking alcohol before that and partying, blah, blah. Yes. But it just, we just never gave it this level of importance. Like it was a thing, you know? And I, I think that that's important to understand that, you know, it once you like highlight alcohol or put a level of importance on it, it becomes harder to navigate recovery when all you're doing is focusing on that person drinking, not drinking or trying to do something with alcohol or not do something with alcohol.
Speaker 3:
16:03
Yeah. You know, is it the boulder of the cooler crying? Yeah. I mean we just, we, we still went out. We had fun. We all went to the other ideal thing. I, you know, how do you have fun without drinking, you know, or if there is an alcohol involved, how can you possibly have fun? You know, I think, I think to this day we still continue to have fun and do things that we enjoy. Um, now what do we pack? We pack water,
Speaker 2:
16:38
diaper bags, their bags and formula. Uh, so what kind of alcohol do you want to make sure that we bring even no matter where we went, like whether it was a, a birthday party or you know, camping or whatever, like it was hacking alcohol wasn't, wasn't a concern.
Speaker 3:
17:04
Yeah. It just wasn't, it was just something just wasn't a thought. It just wasn't there. No different than packing anything else that you don't need or don't desire to take wherever you're going. We just never did it, you know, it just wasn't a part of who we were.
Speaker 2:
17:26
I would always joke because now while our youngest is 17 or oldest is 28, and, um, I joke that we are always the family. Like, feel free to send your kids over to our house because we don't have a liquor cabinet, you know, feel free to send your kid camping with us because our, our, uh, our shed is not a portable bar. You, you know, we just camp to camp and do things to do that thing, not worry about that kind of alcohol that we're going to have in there. So. All right, so now I'm going to, I'm going to put you on the spot. Right. So what kind of advice would you give people about relationships and dating and recovery?
Speaker 3:
18:09
Anything
Speaker 2:
18:11
he did not know that I was going to ask these questions. He's been a really good sport.
Speaker 3:
18:19
I guess I would, I would say you don't just take it slow. Um, you know, is there a timeline on when you should or shouldn't? I'm going to say no. I think you'll know when it's right to maybe go into a relationship. Um, focus, be on, be careful what you focus on, you know, and like we were just discussing, you know, if you're going to focus, if you have not drinking is going to be the focus of the relationship then I don't know how well that will play out long term because you're always, you know, it's always the elephant in the room, you know? And if you're always worried about, you know, if you were always worried about what you were going to do or not do based on me in my feelings and my theory or my trigger or whatever the case is. I mean, yes.
Speaker 3:
19:18
I mean that's very respectful and, and, and part of a relationship. Absolutely. Do I expect you to change your ways, do things differently because of me? No. At the same time. Um, but I think in the, in the recovery early recovery side of things, you, you will, you'll know when it's, when you think you, yeah. Some of the competence in some of the stability surrounding in recovery and your triggers in, you know, have a little bit of time under your, under your belt, so to speak, and can, can handle that type of a situation, you know, and but be, be up front about it as well. You know, whoever you're dating has to also respect where you're at and where you're coming from for sure. You know? But it doesn't need to be the focus of the relationship. No. But it needs to be part of the relationship.
Speaker 2:
20:20
That makes sense. It does make sense because they wanted to just add something to that. Like if you're, if you're dating somebody in recovery and all you did was really wish, I'm just going to use drinking, really wish that they could drink with you and really wished that they could moderate their drinking and learn how to drink with you and all that, then perhaps you should reevaluate. Being in that relationship, right is all about what's going
Speaker 3:
20:48
on until the bar and partying with your friends on Friday or Saturday night. And maybe that's not the relationship for you.
Speaker 2:
20:54
Right? Right. How many times we go, how many times a week go to the bar. I don't think we ever went, went to the bar to pick up food bar hopping,
Speaker 3:
21:16
but if that's the important part of the relationship and that's where, and that's where you're adding your relationship. I mean that's fine, but I'll, recovery relationship is probably the, the relationship you shouldn't be at.
Speaker 2:
21:27
Right? Right. And I think that instead of focusing on drinking and not drinking, you have to focus on just living a life that you are growing to love it. Especially in those early stages. And then just sustaining life that you love and, you know,
Speaker 3:
21:48
yeah. Because everything, I mean, if you've been, if you've been drinking for a while and you're coming into sobriety, you're learning so many new things, you're learning who you are, you're learning things that you like to do, maybe things who used to do, um, you know, you've met this person now, you know, get to know them, understand that what makes them tick. Um, you know, on different things that you can do together and both have satisfaction and joy and enjoyment, I'll go. But, um, ways, different ways that you can support each other
Speaker 2:
22:24
in their career careers because I've had multiple careers. I always go back to our first date. I'm going to let you guys in on our first day. Do you remember what our first date was? Yeah, we did. We went to a casino and Steve Taught me how to play blackjack from um, a t shirt that he had. He had a black Jack. You taught me how to play blackjack from a tee shirt and uh, that was our very first date. And, um, yeah. And so then that's kind of just how things, how things progressed, but I thought it would be a nice idea. And so I want to have Steve back on now and again because I know that my population of women has a fair share of struggles with addictions, whether it's with their partner or themselves or even their children or a parent. Um, it's, it's everywhere. So I thought it would bring up my hubby and have some conversations. So again, we actually practiced together in Wisconsin, but Steve, well we both can actually practice outside of Wisconsin. Steve does alcohol and Interventions and Recovery Coaching and actually works with families, um, on their recovery if they have someone struggling with addiction. So are, is there anything else you would like to say my dear, enjoy the last 26 years. Ah, thank God.
Speaker 2:
24:09
All right. Exactly. All right, well thanks for coming on the show today. All right. Yeah. So, um, we will put all of your social media handles and, um, how to get ahold of you in the show notes. And I thank everyone for joining me on this most special episode. Maybe next time you'll see us actually in the same room together doing this, but this actually worked out pretty cool. Yeah. All right, so take care everyone and have a happy Saturday. Okay. I really hope you love this episode as much as I did. Please subscribe to this podcast and leave a review. Basically wherever your favorite place to listen to the podcast is and don't forget to head over to kick off your damn heels.com for information about my book, my private Facebook page, and for more free bonus content. See you next time.
Speaker 1:
25:15
Thanks for listening. To kick off your damn heels with Doctor Tara Lynn, if you're wanting more badass information, head over to www.kickoffyourdamnheels.com kick off your damn heals podcast is for entertainment purposes and does not replace your relationship with a primary healthcare provider or mental health professional. If you think you may have a medical or mental health emergency, call your doctor, go to the emergency department or call nine one one one immediately. We're not entering into a therapeutic or physical doctor patient relationship of any kind and nothing on this podcast website or associated content should be considered medical advice. The information provided by in kickoff, you're a damn hills including, but not limited to audio, texts, graphics, images, and other material are for informational purposes only.