Psyched with Dr. D : Braking down the fairness of life love and happiness in “ Is life fair "

02:20 They have all these stories about how they feel on just so what do you think, do you think life is life is his life is fair? Do you feel there is justice in the world? Yeah, I think Karma is a bitch, but some people don't get the Karma. Yeah, that's true. I think they don't get it now, but of eventually eventually it catches up. It's dead by no, but I mean I think, I honestly think eventually it catches up to them in some way, shape or form. Whether it's in this life or the next, cause I opened this lie. There's just, there are those people and you're like, son of a bitch. How is he still doing this? And he's just a crappy person. That's right. But eventually I think it catches up to them. And I mean if life gives you lemons, make lemonade, life's fair.

05:01  So you and I were talking about certain places where people we know and how they've moved up to certain positions and we know they're not qualified 100% and I was like telling you, the idea is is that some people, they don't move up to certain places because they don't know the right people. And that's unfair. Like we should all be evaluated according to our output. For example, we should all be given opportunity to climb up the ladder. And it's not fair that someone else, they know the boss or they've invited them to dinner or they become good friends with them, that they are able to get a promotion and I don't. But then on the other hand, I feel like however, took the boss out to dinner and gave them gifts. They're smart. That's intelligence. Big Grease the wheels the right way. Yeah, that's right.

08:54 Good to realize. I said for life. See that's what we think they're set for life. So is it truth? How can they go, Bro? What are they doing? Traveling business and first class or giving money. What else? Give money to people that blow through it. How many millionaires have you heard of that do piss through all their money and then they're left with nothing and they're living with their parents again. It happens a lot. It happens a lot. Oh I gotta find it now these people can say life is unfair. They're just stupid. I'm sorry. Like the first thing you should do, like I was telling one of my friends, she's a bloggers, she does a lot of things right. So I was saying to her, now that you're making all this money, the good thing to do is that you have to invest it.

24:49  He did me wrong and he got screwed later on he got tackled. It's like giving a person who lives on the street $10 and then going and winning $1,000 on a scratch ticket. And that's happened to me. Oh really? Twice. Twice. That's happened twice. I swear to God. That's maybe why I haven't paid any of this grant. I don't play scratch. I don't play Lotto tickets. I have too, but I don't play it anymore. All right. By one, I give it to my nephews whenever I'm in the u s on my kid because truly I believe nothing is going to happen to me by luck. I just know it and maybe that's a self fulfilling this way I'm not winning. I just know I'm going to work hard the rest of my life, but I'm okay with that because I know that I'm a hard worker and I'm going t

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

The project Kuwait, hey guys, we're talking about is life fair or unfair? So first here we're debating. I think life is unfair and this totally fair, so if you really want to know about unfairness, join us and listen to this episode. I think that is going to help you understand is life fair or unfair? That is the question and it's definitely not going to be a pretty picture from my perspective either from mine, but yeah, we also get into fashion yesterday. That's right. Bloggers, bloggers, although they make this money, hey, I still think it's not sustainable. They're out of the market like five years. Oh, I hope. Let's hope our listeners disagree with that. I do. I hope we get some traction just because I shit on a budget like guys, stick around and listen to this episode. I think you're going to love what we have to say and you're definitely going to get into the little debate we had going on. Yeah, that's right. It's joy and if you have any questions, please DM us and all of our contact info is in the show notes. Yeah, it's good with me. Once. I'm questions all this ed boring. Today's episode, we're recording by the way, by the way,

Speaker 2: 1:21

see I have control over. The report has to change. So man being controlled. Hey that's me. That's s exist. T here's supposed to be t hose s exes about this show. A s s oon as my wife walks around with a feminist shirt and she's like, no, I'm a feminist, but okay, but aren't you being sexist if you say you're a feminist, you guys ever r epressed t his for so many years? Why can't we be contradicting s ometimes t rue. Hey, I don't choose sides c ause hey, we'll kill i t. Exactly. Y eah. Oh my God. You married the right woman. Seriously. S o t wo o f you, I can't get anything by her though. You c an. It's tough. Oh wait, so all right. So w hat I'm s aying, I said I'm going to ask what questions am I going to get? This i s, so today I wanted to talk about sense of justice. Even that I teach and I have a clinic, I have a lot of people constantly ask me about us as a justice, especially clients. They have all these stories about how they feel on just so what do you think, do you think life is life is his life is fair? Do you feel there is justice in the world? Yeah, I think Karma is a bitch, but some people don't get the Karma. Yeah, that's true. I think they don't get it now, but of eventually eventually it catches up. It's dead by no, but I mean I think, I honestly think eventually it catches up to them in some way, shape or form. Whether it's in this life or the next, cause I opened this lie. There's just, there are those people and you're like, son of a bitch. How is he still doing this? And he's just a crappy person. That's right. But eventually I think it catches up to them. And I mean if life gives you lemons, make lemonade, life's fair. It's the, I think life is fair for the most part. There is justice in life. That's just my, it's just come some other time. But you know, you get people saying it's so unfair that I have worked very hard. For example, someone that has worked very hard and they've done a lot of projects and done everything that the managers told them to do and then they go for their evaluation and then they don't get the rate that they were expecting, but then someone else that steals other people's work or doesn't work loafs off tomorrow. Wait, if you don't steal other people's work, then you're just not meant to be in Kuwait and then that person that you've helped with this project together, they get a good evaluation. It's a common thing actually a lot of cases that I see often time there is a sense of lack of justice and justice and that when people ask me that is life fair. Life is not fair though. I disagree with you. You're the psychologist. I love the way I intimidate. I can't pull crap out. No. I mean like for instance, my boss, he's a jerk. I always, I hear he wanted to treat me unfairly, which has happened in the past. Whatever. There are ways I can get back at him. I still have control over the reports he's going to present to management. I still have control over certain things that he can't do without me. So fairness will bite him in the ass. But I created eventually and I think everyone gets what they deserve. And I think we were talking about this little earlier like at work where people like you have to know the right people. I mean, I don't know, a lot of people say it's a concept in Kuwait action. It's not only for Kuwait. I think all over the world is who you know and how you know them in order for you to get. So you and I were talking about certain places where people we know and how they've moved up to certain positions and we know they're not qualified 100% and I was like telling you, the idea is is that some people, they don't move up to certain places because they don't know the right people. And that's unfair. Like we should all be evaluated according to our output. For example, we should all be given opportunity to climb up the ladder. And it's not fair that someone else, they know the boss or they've invited them to dinner or they become good friends with them, that they are able to get a promotion and I don't. But then on the other hand, I feel like however, took the boss out to dinner and gave them gifts. They're smart. That's intelligence. Big Grease the wheels the right way. Yeah, that's right. Is that wrong? Let me flip it. I'm saying it's wrong. Let me flip this. You, I work in performance management. Okay. So I get cases from engineers from whatever, Oh boss did this or my boss is that, or my boss is this and when they come to me and they present their case, I'm like, okay. Well in your evaluation, did you mention the projects you had completed? Did you say I completed by this time I did this, I did that. Oh no I didn't. Okay. Well did you give specific dates? You know what I mean? Like the KPIs like no I didn't. Why didn't you do that? Cause then your case is built up from your performance. You see what I'm saying? So that in itself should run the fairness cause it's like you have your legal and in the work environment where they're kind of the police to make sure that you do get what you deserve in your performance appraisal. But if you come to me, you don't have shit to go on. I'm like, why should I believe you? It's your word against your boss's word. That's it, right? I mean it's true. And I think with those people, that work environment, that unfair and then you get to all these people that they think everything in life is unfair to be honest. I mean, I don't think life was supposed to be fair. I mean in my idea of like, you know, growing up and from childhood I didn't feel like life was fair. And even now I feel like sometimes I feel, I see other people who have like advanced in many opportunities and they've been at work after me and they've gotten, and sometimes if I look at it as being unfair and the reason why I don't choose to look at as unfair is because I feel like it's gonna bring a lot of negative feelings and a lot of resentment and that might affect my performance at work. So I would rather just realize how did they get to the way I didn't evaluate them. From my perception, I feel like it was unfair and there are other people beside me that could have probably done better in this position. But that person was smart. I mean we have to start realizing that there are people that are smarter than us and their social intelligence and they know how to relate to other people and be able to get what they want. And sometimes it makes me mad, like not that word. Like there are friends of mine or other people that are, have gotten somewhere in life and we're the same age that I didn't yet. And I feel like, I used to think, see, but then I realized really these people are more outgoing. Maybe they know how to market themselves. Maybe they have a lot of skills I don't have. Maybe they're just smarter than Joe. Maybe they are smarter. That's what it comes down to. It's funny you bring that cause now I have a hole in your argument.[inaudible] lottery winners. Ah, now that's a lot of lottery winners. It's locked. Yeah, it's true. Is it fair or is it not fair to win the lottery? No, it's fair. Let them win. Let them win. Right. It's totally luck. So someone could say, oh, it's not fair that I never really thought about something good and it's a reward. But majority of lottery winners go bro after they win the lottery. But it's a really, yeah, there's, it's a huge, it's an insane statistic. It's like I don't want to win the lottery. Half of it. Those to the government for taxes, you won like$100 million. Even if half of it went to the government. You're set for lot. Good to realize. I said for life. See that's what we think they're set for life. So is it truth? How can they go, Bro? What are they doing? Traveling business and first class or giving money. What else? Give money to people that blow through it. How many millionaires have you heard of that do piss through all their money and then they're left with nothing and they're living with their parents again. It happens a lot. It happens a lot. Oh I gotta find it now these people can say life is unfair. They're just stupid. I'm sorry. Like the first thing you should do, like I was telling one of my friends, she's a bloggers, she does a lot of things right. So I was saying to her, now that you're making all this money, the good thing to do is that you have to invest it. Or was I telling my son, cause we were talking about our bloggers and people that are like artists. And I said, you know, the best thing they need to do is like while you're young, is to be able to get that money invested in something. Because like singers, artists, they're not going to sing forever and they needed to, like in Hollywood, if you look at it, there are some artists are broke and other ones are really making good money even though they're not performing as much because they've invested back. I'm still surprised. How could they, like if I went half a million, not million is not that much and it really is like 50 million. Okay. So if I had 50 million, they didn't invest, they didn't buy properties. People that don't, they don't know any better. So they'll be like, all right, I'm going to give million to my cousin or this, I'm[inaudible] cars, crazy houses. And it's like athletes, how's it paid off? But it's like pro football players and they're broke. How many of these pros go broke because they don't know how to manage their money? You would think a finance person comes into their life because once you win, you get bombarded by people that want to help you, bombarded by more people that want to rob you.[inaudible] so like you'll get one out of every 10 that actually wants to help you. You know, if you really look at it like we have a lot of sleazeballs and society too. That's true. It's funny cause like when you look at these pro athletes and even movie stars, how fair is life? Because they're a movie star. They're at the pinnacle of anything in life, but yet they're depressed. They commit suicide, they have all this shit that goes on in their life and we're like, we look up to them. That's true. I'm looking at the phenomena of that. Like if we look up to them and here they're depressed and that tells you that money and fame doesn't really make you a happy person. Because if I was an artist like that where I was famous and I had money, one of the thing would depress me is that I never know who the people are around me. Are they around me because of me? Are they around because of my fame? So maybe one of the thing is is that they always feel that they're not surrounded by people that are genuine or unconditional love. Right. So I even when you're in a relationship, like for me, I would probably be wondering like this relationship is this person with me because of my name, my title or are they genuinely in love with me and want to be with them? So that's probably, even though there are people in their life, they're genuine, but you can distinguish them. A lot of these stories you read, like they had a finance person who robbed or they have a trust issue and a lot of them come from already background that they were not trusted so they already don't have trust. So I feel like it's true. And then they're bombarded by that. The culture of drugs and alcohol. So we're not talking that they're depressed because of their situation, but they're also depressed biologically and chemically. And that's probably why they get to the point where they are unhappy with their life and they're bombarded by no privacy. All the things we want to have. But then when we have it, we become depressed. How fair is life when it comes to these individuals? Because sometimes you feel like it's so unfair. This person just sang one song at you psychoanalyzing Mickey Rourke, right? Oh yes, that's right. But how fair is it? Sometimes I feel like I've studied so hard and I got a doctorate and I studied for 10 years and I didn't like do a lot of thing in my life because I was trying to study and then I make half of what these people make much happier. Yes, you're happy. I think that's all that matters, you know? And then we get someone that, but here it is. You've worked very hard. It's like fascinates desk. Come on. I have a friend just opened a restaurant, so he's my friend. He didn't come to say, you know what, Dr d, I want you to come to the opening because you're going to be there and you probably know a lot of people and that will attract other people. No, he of course invited me because he had to, he invited a Fashionista, write a blogger, whatever you guys call them, that half an hour she took 5,000 Katie. No Shit. I swear. And I was thinking, I didn't even go. I was like, I'm not going. And he's like, why? And I'm like, I don't understand. Here you are. You could be inviting professionals and doctors and he's like, start laughing. He's like, that's not gonna do me any good. We're ready to do with you. People like that. You come to try the food, no problem. I need the exposure. He says, I was like, seriously, you need the exposure. But he's right. I mean there are people like half an hour and she doesn't have a college degree. Most of them aren't. And then you think, is this fair? So I say, wow, it's unfair. I spent all this money. I'm in debt. My loan for students, it's still going after 30 years. Again, I'm throwing the ball in your court, these fashionistas or whatever. But they're smart, they're smart. They knew how to market themselves sustainable is it now this our sustainable is living that life. You make one wrong move, you're screwed. You're out. And how long is Instagram gonna last until the new fad comes up? Actually, I heard that Instagram is going worried. They're going to charge you for posting in couple of two to three years that I'm off Instagram. What are we going to do then? If they're going to charge you for, but it's true how sustainable. So the smart ones actually I'm smart. Such as yourself. Yeah. So what do they do? They be able to make money and be able to invest it. So invested in property for example. I mean I'm not a financial person, but my who are in finance and say real estate is the best thing to go. Even though some people would disagree or invested in stocks, like in the u s we can do all these stocks. I'm sure here too, but it's true how sustainable it is. But how fair it is, this person, half an hour, she got 5,000 I have to work a month or two months before I get that. And I'm a doctors. She's not. If the formula stays true, right, and say she fails out of it or he fails out of it, what's going to happen to them later? They're going to go broke. They'll end up living with their mom again. You know what I mean? Like versus you myself where we work, jobs that are sustainable till we retire. We work hard. We either save, we invest, we do these things. By the time we reach that age of retirement, we've lived a happy, fulfilled life. Well personally I don't give a shit so it's like I'm not going to care later on I'm not going to be like, oh you know these fashion people, they have to put this persona on all the time. It's hard work. It is. I mean, right now, I mean I have an Instagram and all that, but I feel like it's hard work to be honest. Like whenever I'm thinking, okay, I should do a story. I haven't been honest. Again, that's their responsibility and sometimes whenever I think my stories are the best, when I just do them spontaneously, like I just decided I went to the office or something happened in my class I'll say, but oftentimes I don't do a lot and because I do and then I have friends that I liked your vacation mode story. It was just a picture of your like Vacation Cup of coffee. I'm like, God, it's so true because I feel like I can't. I can see that people that, I mean, this is not my means of income. So for me it's not the way that our fascinates. They're a blogger. They have to depend on this. Everywhere they have to go, they have to take a picture. Everything they have to do, it has to be creative so you can attract people. It's a lot of work, but on the same time. So should I say, so when I looked at this fascinates the, and that just took all this money. If you really look at the amount of effort she puts in her Instagram, you'll realize that she really does a lot of work. Now, if it's hers or marketing, it doesn't matter. And I don't do this much work. Do I say life is unfair? It's not unfair. It's you have to be smart. You have to know how to advertise for yourself, how to market. You have to be creative. Now, if I don't have all these three variables, which by the way, I don't need to be, it's a lot of work, Instagram, social media, thinking about this. She might think it's a lot of work, but she's so good at it. And so is life unfair? Yeah. But in reality, does she have the social credit that you do? Probably not. No Way. We had Adam Shaffer on, on the project. He said, oh, we got this huge Instagram model. She was going to lay on the bed basically listening to our episode and whatever, and we're all sitting there waiting for it to hit. She had like 3 million followers or something crazy. And as soon as she posted cricket, he was like nothing. Just because it goes to, okay, you're an influencer, you have 2 million followers, but are you really influencing people's lives? Are you influencing to actually buy stuff? I see these influencers all the time. I'm not going to buy the shit they're pedaling[inaudible] you know what I mean? And it's not, it's really giving a message like you have to be attractive. You have to be pretty, yeah. You know, so it's not true and you know going to that, the ideas is that, so my friend, I said, okay, so you brought this blog, I can understand people are following me or people are interested in psychology so they don't, we're not a food thing for her maybe. And I say, well how many of these, so you paid 5,000 I said, how many of her followers, that's what they're trying to do with gates, her fly followers to follow their restaurant, right? So I said, how many followers did you follow? They can find. And he's like, you know, we could for the first two weeks is fine. Is it after that they die out. So I'm like, okay, so you just spend all this money. It's like, but that is the trend here. But how many of those followers bought some food from your restaurant is one. I noticed it say Dr d if You post something and you say this is brain food, it will make you feel amazing. Psychologically. I like this idea. My dumb ass will go and buy[inaudible] all right. I know. I'll believe in what you're saying. If you say for instance, I don't know, Althea need is something that will calm your nerves or what's it called? Chaga tea or something, you know, like yo our camel mile and you showed a certain brand and this is what you are drinking and you're a calm person. You're a psychologist. Me being a loyal follower of you or a friend, so to speak. I would go and try it in general on an Instagram person saying, oh, go to this person for marketing advice and I go to that person's page. The first thing I look at is, okay, well this person they're sending me to only has 2000 followers, so he's doing a shit job at marketing himself and this person's a jerk because they're just getting paid to push me to his page. Some people fall for it because people in masses or idiots in general, you know what I mean? Like in general, we follow the masses and sometimes it leads us the wrong way, but it's not sustainable. And how many of these followers turn into actual transactions? Right. The thing is, is that what I'm trying to say? Is that fine? I mean, you're unhappy with these, first of all, these fashionistas wouldn't be charging this much. We owe whoever's following them is making them to be that important. And then when you hire them, because you opening a restaurant, because you're saying that this is the trend, which is true, it brings people, people follow. Even if it's first two weeks or three weeks, someone probably bought some stuff or these people wouldn't be doing it. At least restaurant owners, no problem. But the idea is, is that here we are, I mean we're talking about is life fair? So is it my fault that this person has become this famous? Yes. Because I'm following that 100% right? Yeah. And so is life unfair? She's just smart. She knew what material to put out there and therefore, I mean, I don't follow on, it fascinates this at all. But the idea is, is that there are a lot of young people I'm used to talk to. My daughter is nine. She knows most of them. I mean at least the American ones. And I'm sure that I have a student in my class every time I teach about something, she says, doctor, you should check this Instagram account all the time. I mean the whole class laughs and every time they look at her and they're like, what's new? She knows all these fashion needs. Does she even knows a lot of these bloggers that talk about relationship because it's a family class. She'll say, doc, you should check this Instagram, you should see this thing. So here it is. And then she knows all these bloggers is she knows all their gossip, right? And I'm like, what are you doing listening to these people and you're complaining about them. But the reality of it, they put stuff out there that they know people want to hear. We give them credit, we follow them. And then of course if you have this many followers you are going to charge half an hour or 3000 or whatever it is. And the ideas is that a lot of these people wouldn't. So when we go back to when people ask me, is life fair? I say life is as fair as you make it. So to me, if I sit down and think about how life is unfair, then I'm not doing myself any good. It just putting me down. It's making me feel sorry for myself and it's making me justify Karma and how bad things are going to happen to people that have done me bad. I mean, of course I love the way people, like they've done me bad and I'm like, what goes around comes around. I mean, do we really say that because it makes us feel good? Of course now do things, what goes around comes around. Of course in psychology we don't believe in that and we don't. But I believe in it and a lot of people I do, I believe in it, but there's no factual things because I'm sure there were good things that happened to these people that did me bad and I didn't even listen to it. But as soon as one bad thing happened to them, automatically I say what goes around comes around. But bad things can happen to me. And I don't say what goes around comes around. So it's like the ideas is that whatever you feel as perception, we, so when clients come to me and say life is unfair, why does my mom like my brother more than me? It's unfair, you know? Why does your mom like your brother more than you? I don't know. There's no answer to that. And his life for unfair. Yeah, it's unfair. And yes. Should parents like one person more than the other? No. What we do, we like the child that's closer to our personality. We liked the child. That's easier. We like the children that are independent and can do things without us constantly. And the other ones because they make us work hard for our money. Yeah. But oftentimes life is not fair and it's okay we to talk about that with parents again, like being a spiteful parent after your kid. Like that's a whole episode. It's true. We should talk about, usually they call me the pot stir.[inaudible] you did a good job at that today. I'm glad we both disagree. I think your life is not supposed to be fair. I truly believe that if I believe that life is unfair, then I can at least accept all the unfairness that comes along with life. But if you continue to believe that life is supposed to be fair, so the unfairness that comes along by living this life, you're not going to be able to accept it, which creates a lot of other situations or depression or whatever you want to call. So to me it's unfair and I'm okay with unfair and it's not supposed to be fair and I'll deal with it. Yeah, no, I'm not going to debate you on that. You're right. You're a psychologist.[inaudible] arguing. I'm feisty. Honestly. All I can say is life is fair for the simple point of it is what I made it. I don't look at it. I can't look at life saying, oh, he's a millionaire by the age of 36 and I'm just living a normal life with a normal job and whatever. I don't think it's unfair, like good for him, like life's fair. Whatever he did, his fricking working for him, good for him. It still is unfair that he has money and that you don't, but I don't care. The guy who does me wrong on the other hand say someone does something that affects me. Okay. And then they go and stub their toe like son of a bitch, got what he deserved and that's my rationale of life is fair because it came around and got him eventually and I've seen it enough times in life personally, totally personally where I'm like, yeah, life's fair. He did me wrong and he got screwed later on he got tackled. It's like giving a person who lives on the street$10 and then going and winning$1,000 on a scratch ticket. And that's happened to me. Oh really? Twice. Twice. That's happened twice. I swear to God. That's maybe why I haven't paid any of this grant. I don't play scratch. I don't play Lotto tickets. I have too, but I don't play it anymore. All right. By one, I give it to my nephews whenever I'm in the u s on my kid because truly I believe nothing is going to happen to me by luck. I just know it and maybe that's a self fulfilling this way I'm not winning. I just know I'm going to work hard the rest of my life, but I'm okay with that because I know that I'm a hard worker and I'm going to be okay. So there are other people are just sitting around waiting for this lot to happen. I mean it's like 0.0 what's the present points? You know as you're fine a lot of zeros and five like I feel like I'm not going to sit a runway because that is not going to happen to me. I might win a dollar here,$2 there, but it seems to me, my past Donna account owe me like 5% just give me 5% I'm not, I'm fully that different. Bang, that doesn't do that.[inaudible] that case. Give me 5% because I'm wishing good Karma. That's true. I'll share with you. I share with people I care about. I have that on the records. That's very true. And then you'll say life is unfair, but it's happened. It's where I went when we went before you. I'd be very happy for anyone around me that had one money or anything. I don't think I would ever say, oh, that's so unfair. If I truly loved that person and cared about them and I was like, oh, that's awesome. You know, I'd be very happy for them versus other people who are like, oh, that asshole. I mean, it just sucks. Yeah, it's true. It's true. So I mean, you know, I think we're disagreeing to agree because what you're saying is that life is fair and whatever happened should happen and I should not complain about it. I'm saying life is unfair and it's okay. And I'm okay with life being unfair. Sometimes it's fair to me and sometimes it's not fair to me and I'm okay with that. So I think it depends on your perspective. Right? And I feel like the more you realize if life is unfair, not to sit there and feel sorry for yourself because life is unfair, but to realize it's unfair and they're going to be times where life is fair to me though. And there's times life is unfair to me. So that's all right. Yeah. No, that's a good, I feel like it's good. Yeah, that's right. Good. Good. Life is up there. All right. Thanks for listening, guys.

Speaker 1: 27:33

Thanks for listening to this episode. If you enjoyed it, please head over to iTunes to subscribe rate and leave a review. You can also find us on Instagram at the Project Kuwait. Thank you. And join us next time.

Speaker 2: 27:47

Okay.