Cybergoths Vs Big Gay Dragons

Cybergoths vs Big Gay Dragons 0104 - Peter Lumpkin

May 16, 2019 Season 1 Episode 4
Cybergoths Vs Big Gay Dragons
Cybergoths vs Big Gay Dragons 0104 - Peter Lumpkin
Chapters
Cybergoths Vs Big Gay Dragons
Cybergoths vs Big Gay Dragons 0104 - Peter Lumpkin
May 16, 2019 Season 1 Episode 4
Josh Burgess
LG goes to hell, and it is a work meeting.
Show Notes Transcript

LG goes to hell, and it is a work meeting.



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Speaker 1:
0:01
Previously on fiber golf versus big gay dragons.
Speaker 2:
0:05
All right, so the blood of my would be assessing Ogilvy is literally on my hands right now and they've accidentally access level 11 secure the clearance, which is way higher than my own. And while I do hope, I can use this to give myself access to the warrens moods as it's coming up, I could also get into our mega death of trouble if I'm caught using clearance that's not mine. So I've sort of a little bits totally, absolutely screwed over Robert the barbarian by using his terminal instead of mine to log in as Ogilvie and attempt to change my permanent clearance, does something a way higher and Karma has already come for me because I've realized too late. If I log in as Ogilvy and he left his messaging app up, then my face will show up in his camera plain as day breaking all sorts of rules and laws and basically being a totally boned Lagu brace. Good Times far to be good times
Speaker 1:
1:03
300 years after colonization if I've ever gotten were attacked by dragon. The dragon were big at gay
Speaker 3:
1:20
[inaudible]. [inaudible]
Speaker 4:
1:37
no other galaxy on the crime bottom, the town of go waiting for the brand. I'm gonna [inaudible]
Speaker 3:
2:18
[inaudible] [inaudible]
Speaker 1:
2:22
empathy, Peter Lumpkin.
Speaker 2:
2:31
This has been the most stressful two seconds of my life. It's seriously, it feels like it's lasted like three months or something. Oh my God. Fortunately by the time I even really articulate this awful situation to myself and therefore to you, it looks like this. Ogilvy was the type to shut down his computer properly closing all his applications. Walk Task Bar. It's all right. I mean he's desktop is practically empty. There's just four folders, doc's downloads and the one that is called six star stone, s. I. S. K. S. T a, which means nothing to me. I do notice it's got a little padlock icon on it, meaning it's password protected. So that's curious, but who knows? Probably just as porn, although maybe not. I don't think he's kind of the type is desktop wallpaper. It's like a, it's like a shopping center school dance photo of him holding his pet.
Speaker 2:
3:27
Kitsune Amico it's another animal from our planet. It's like this, uh, it's like a little black Fox covered in golden mushrooms, which they shed and then, uh, you can cook with these mushrooms and the kids was, they enjoy it. It's not an exploitation thing. It's a weird sort of interspecies bonding that they really appreciate socially and uh, yeah, we don't, it's sort of relationship between people and animals that, you know, we don't seem to really have back on the six had the planet. But anyway, this man and a photo of the guy, it's clearly Ogilvy, but wow, he looks different. He's all cleaned up and he looks, I don't kind of sweet honestly. He seems to be a Victorian Golf, which means it's very, uh, sort of clean cuts and mild looking at some sideburns, but otherwise very, very mild. Nothing like that. Fevered bedraggled person who attacked me with the crossbow.
Speaker 2:
4:25
I can hear Robert laughing, the cup falling over and breaking in the break room. So regroup. So I need to be fast and get out of here. Right. Command console accounts permissions, toaster lugubrious clearance level input. This is so dumb thing. I mean I want to just set it to 11 which is the highest that Ogilvy can set it for me, but that might be too conspicuous. So maybe I should just set it lower than 11 but still higher than my level four. Uh, I'm, I'm just extra annoyed that today has been so exhausting to Muto far cause my lack of manna is really impairing my ability to think logically, which usually I am. That is my whole brand. That's what they do. Ah, Volo Murphy and Bow House. This is tantalizing. Sorry for the swearing. If you're religious, I did not mean the things. Nine. All right, I'm going with level nine.
Speaker 2:
5:14
Confirm a hurry up and do it in here. The tea trolley coming around was your shore to summon Robert Back for sandwiches. Come on, come on. Yes. Done. Alright, log off. Nice quick look. The taskbar look data start to menu shutdown. I hear them coming. I don't have time to sit here and watch the computer shut down. I just need to bail and hope it gets done in my absence. I swoop. Okay. This time it's definitely more of a horizontal tripping and stumbling into my little cubicle. Then a swoop I get back to my little tent and login to my own accountant with my own hand and yes I am the type not to shut down properly. So my desktop is Amos. Okay there a moment of sitting here catching my breath. I am going to casually go to the and wring out as much mess from my sleeves into the sink as I can.
Speaker 2:
6:03
I'm going to have to burn this shadow hoodie later, which makes me upset, but I can't be having any more drippy identity accidents and I'm just going to lay low for a bit and do my normal job stuff. The email payroll about my check and I'll be sure to be a little bit extra belligerent in my email about this money that I mode so it doesn't look like I'm being shy because I'm guilty feeling and I can definitely treat myself to something nice after all this. Although literally, what would I buy? I mean patty is the one with expensive tastes. Okay. All right. The lavatories are quite empty though. There are a few people seemingly uh, procrastinating work by going through the bathroom, which is always a good move. All the sinks are too visible to just be casually rinsing a liter of blood out of my sleeve.
Speaker 2:
6:51
I guess I should go into a stall, which at least I can look and then, you know, use the toilet bowl as a basin or it's like pump five squirts of soap from the dispenser into my palm. You go into the stall, lock the door behind me, and then I just sort of Spiderman web a, toss the soap into the toilet and dunk my sleeve in and get to work out damned spot out. I say you ever have those moments? Like how is my life like this? Well, this is one right here, this washing my sleeve off in a toilet bowl, getting rid of the blood of someone who tried to kill me and who is apparently a colleague of mine, but then in another department and way high up. It's also surreal in a way that even getting shot and all this chaos has not been for me on an emotional level.
Speaker 2:
7:38
I'm very possibly just emerging from having totally disassociated, which is not a great spot to be in, right? If you don't know the association as it applies to me anyway, it's when you go on autopilots during a traumatic event, that's just too much for you to actually engage with in the moment and for me it feels like I just sort of the a different sort of personality that can handle the stressful moment and that person can sort of manage the situation. But then once I'm out of danger, it comes crashing down. Things get really bad
Speaker 5:
8:15
and I usually have a meltdown and though you're, here we go. I left and my fidget bucks at my desk, but that's would've still just being a drop in the stress ocean at this point. Anyway, all the things are too loud. There are people talking and flushing, washing. There's the ambiance music. Somebody watching a vines compilation with no headphones. There's the fluorescent lights. My legs hurt, my arm is wet, which I hate. Wet clothes with a passion. That's just the absolute worst. There's the bathroom smells, there's no bathroom smells. It's too much. Before I realized that I hunting my own arm, like hard to see if that's the most prominent sensory stimulation going on. Then I'll only notice that one thing, like you stub your toe and then bite your lip so you don't feel the toe where your whole body. I mean, I'm not saying this is a great system, it's not how is that how you should call. But if it's what I do and I just need to lose it
Speaker 6:
9:09
or a bit, I'm sorry, this could be a while and I took what you have to be alarmed and to have to experience the worst of this. It just happens little parts of being me. So here's a soothing song. I'll be back later.
Speaker 7:
9:33
[inaudible] [inaudible] [inaudible] [inaudible] [inaudible] [inaudible] [inaudible] [inaudible] [inaudible]
Speaker 2:
11:37
okay, well I am sure to have a big bruise right now down my right bicep. And I'm sure some people heard me in this bathroom stall melting down, but you know, most of my coworkers do know my deal and understand, which is good. I mean, that's a weird thing to be like, yeah, yeah. About, but let's just say it wouldn't be my first time so I'm not going to draw any special attention and both grateful though and kind of resentful at the same time that no one came in to check on me. Like of course that would have been another damn thing to deal with, but I don't know. Would have also been nice to know that people are worried and you know care. Like I never, I never go to people's parties and bands and things, but they always want to be invited, whatever it time to dry up and go back.
Speaker 2:
12:25
All right. Thankfully no one is in the bathroom and of course the hand, the dryer is rubbish. We can settle people on six planets, but we can't invent a machine to dry our hands properly. It makes a lot of noise and makes the top of your hands look like a bowl of pudding with what they're being dropped onto the scheme screw this just maybe with on my lap, you're walking back to my desk. Nobody seems to be looking at, or for me, it's into my tent clock says it's nine 23 which means the usual nine o'clock meeting will probably happen in about an hour. If the nine o'clock meeting hasn't happened to by 11 o'clock, it'll usually be relegated to some time after lunch, which likely then will become first thing tomorrow. As soon as you're offered a seat for you, I can hear Robert's through the cubicle wall.
Speaker 2:
13:16
He's playing a game on his laptop, music and sound blasting. Of course for everyone to hear. I've seen him, heard him play hundreds of hours of this game. It's, it's like one of these shape matching games. Like, uh, you know, it's like a million other similar games. But with this one, there's a dancing lady who takes off a piece of clothing if you get enough points. And Robert is useless at puzzles, shapes, uh, points and, and ladies for that matter. And so despite the days of his life, he has poured into this game. The young lady who is named Natasha has remained at least mostly dressed forever. In fact, he is so dismal athletes that she's been forced to go and find a more clothing to put on in the past. And at one time I went into his cubicle to ask him to use his headphones and I see Natasha, uh, writhing around in a fur coat and a fuzzy hats and sunglasses.
Speaker 2:
14:12
And then just at that point, Roberts placed the shape very strategically, very proudly and very wrong. And she went off screen and returned with a yellow plastic Poncho on top of all these clothes and to get back to gyrating around Poncho squeaking. Sadly you beat on my computer or toaster oven will crap. Big steaming. I will bear crap. I've been so focused on being angry with Robert for being bad. That is games loudly that I didn't even hear him get up from his chair and wrench my tents door open. No, I haven't Roberts. I say in my awful speaking voice, you've changed the difficulty
Speaker 8:
14:52
level or put in some sort of handicap or my game, I'm doing terribly. Oh, thank reservoir. I always get the girls topless, at least in continuous lion all the way, at least to the boobs. That's my rule is it? You've done it to spite me, old chum to keep me from waiting to keep me from scoring. If you graduate by meeting, I do scoring in the sense of the gate. Yes, yes, but also the scoring. This said so if a euphemism for sexual advancement, right. It was a joke. I know when your not laughing. I bet it's that hatch you've got. It's sending microwaves to interfere with Natasha's programming.
Speaker 2:
15:39
I really don't want to get onto the subject of my device right now. I really just hope for a distraction that we can get on with this bloody nine o'clock meeting says Peter Lumpkin and awful little man who's standing behind me. Either. Lumpkin is always behind you. Even when you're talking to him face to face, it feels like he is behind you lurking. He's got beady black eyes peering out from deep sockets and he always does his eye contact except when he's just made a really gross sexual comment or invited you into one of his terrible improv shows. Then he just stares you down boring into your soul. That's, that's Peter Lumpkin in both senses of the word a boring, I believe perhaps he used to be much bigger and lost a lot of weight very quickly, so he's got an excess of face skin when he grins his jowls part ominously like a set of old theater curtains opening on the final performance in a building due to be demolished on account of vermin.
Speaker 2:
16:49
Yeah. Obviously I'm not a fan of beets are Lumpkin Roy says Robert grateful to go back to his cubicle for his laptop and excuse to abandon me to this awful bogey of a man. I would do the same, but he is just going to follow me into my tent and defile it somehow. So I just hold my ground in the hallway, have tiny shout uptown [inaudible] you mean absent for two weeks and we're just now getting to Laos Monday's meeting. I resent is calling me absent. I am a freelance. I come in when it needed and when I want. I have not been truant. Be there. Is there much use even the having last Monday's meeting today, I couldn't do just have today's today and start over. Be like the navy dive stay. Nate was all white. You don't problem. I'm sorry, what was yes, nope. What was my problem exactly that we have in last Monday's meeting today in neutral breathing in Robert. If it's too late to act on anything we decide from last Monday's meeting. Can we just have this weeks and start over? As I said, Peter Napped, I'm not sure if this is a agreement or disagreement, but mercifully he slinks off to bother Robert. I follow against my better judgment and there is Peter Lumpkin staring at Natasha dancing on the Roberts screen. Robert's catches me looking at Peter Looking at Natasha and I honestly don't know which of the four of us is the most embarrassed.
Speaker 3:
18:32
Yeah,
Speaker 2:
18:33
comes from Robert as he closes his laptop and rises. Heading off to the meeting Robin and then let's get on with it. I have agreed a lot of work to procrastinate doing. I don't know if there's one thing I've learned at this dismal, slow, it's lit. The pseudo, you put something off, the more time you have to do it. Another time I follow him along and Oh, everyone else is already in the conference room at seat. Oh. Oh. What does that awful burning smell? Oh my Elvira's holy cleavage. Oh, I know. They've already upped the oxygen in this room for the meeting. That's what they think is, that means that Gosling and tub are going to be bouncing off the bloody walls. Oh, sure enough. Here they come. Gosling and tub respectively. The head and a vice head of something or other, they give the meetings.
Speaker 2:
19:29
That's what they do. And they've taken to pumping the room full of highly oxygenated air with the results that they are. Even more alert, even more phonetic and even more irritating than usual. Yeah. This oxygen thing, I know, it is something they read in their favorite business negotiations book, which was called other people. The big con, uh, screw every one guide to screwing everyone. I know all about this book because I downloaded the audio book to try and get ahead of their machinations and it is, it's truly, truly odious. It's like a a pickup artists book for the workplace. For instance, from Chapter 15
Speaker 7:
20:12
Oh, I go, she ain't young state your desired outcome up rocket man, but not background guy goes dark for Amanda. Whatever the hell they want. Ignore this. Once I let stop moving fade. I really appreciate where you're coming from. Let's do the following and then, yeah, for a BDR initial idea unchanged Danny as won't even notice and roping video of compromised.
Speaker 2:
20:37
One More for illustration from chapter 26
Speaker 7:
20:41
make up words to congeal your opponents, which is everyone but you. Here is a list of words. None at where'd you mean anything real and I'm hitting this context, my name down like they do. I have your Yelp. I'm not enough mix and match as your place and Dodge Niagen. Ally's inverse pivots. Depopulated ampersand as of Herman content as I've ever been successful at an hour now to you, marbled Amy buying premium short 800 pound gorilla expansion, dump truck karaoke by pretty band three brand data, a beer, bong or whatever. Just make it all up and if someone gets in your way. Yup. Put on your, I'm a big button man voice as discussed in chapter three and he yelled her up to them and tell a back down. Happy hunting and don't forget only you are real.
Speaker 2:
21:55
This last advice is a favorite of Gosling and a tub when it comes to running meetings. Both men have a habit of using volume to make up for a lack of content and the prospect of enduring an hour of this insubstantial noise is thrilling. Nobody, Oh, here. They come into bosses standing in front of a projection screen at the end of this long room and there's 20 or so other people I know. They're from the my face department sitting around this big old table. Yeah. My face is the big social network and obviously with all of the health tracking stuff we do like that's run in partnership with them because now it's just free data everywhere.
Speaker 9:
22:35
Your hands on man. All right. If you had a nice weekend
Speaker 2:
22:38
barks. Gosling. Yes. Punctuates tab with your level of aggression. That is both confusing and alarming. Gosling is continuing.
Speaker 9:
22:48
If I was you mad that tragic Nair's tragic yet. Yes. Tub in return turns out. Oh, Lowe's dancing girls in the shape arranging games we play are on strike strike.
Speaker 2:
23:03
I turned immediately to Robert who's cow hias are already flooding seven hills. What a day.
Speaker 9:
23:10
Yeah. No, but in all seriousness Ogilvy's dead on the radio. [inaudible] yeah, yells tub. It bears repeating the company policy. Is it eddy and boy, he who dies will be promptly fired. Get her in the sack. Yeah, so none of you die please. Unless you want to look for a new job. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 2:
23:36
The employees seated around this table are staring awkwardly until it becomes apparent that some responsive acknowledgement is expected. The of the wordless consents bubbles up about this table. No, this is not good. Look like everyone except for me knows exactly who Ogilvy was and what he did here.
Speaker 9:
23:57
All right. Now look, I'm not exactly sure who Ogilvy was all what he did here, but what is, he was moderately optimistic. It was probably emboldened and we need to find someone to replace him.
Speaker 2:
24:12
I nod and tried to put on my list, her jurists looking face.
Speaker 9:
24:17
Wait a minute, thinking about where we're just going to be, right? Yes, and we've decided,
Speaker 2:
24:26
Ooh, they're milking this palsy. It's dreadful. There's anticipation in the air mixed with this extra oxygen and stress sweat, but not because anybody is hoping to get the job themselves. The quite the opposite in fact, and no one likes to have to learn a new job even if it is technically a promotion. Now everyone's avoiding looking at Gosling as if maybe he's not yet decided to who would be promoted, but like an ex lover encountered at the supermarkets needs no more than a glance of eye contact to unleash absolute horror.
Speaker 9:
24:58
It's a lot of good. Good on you. I love kid.
Speaker 2:
25:03
It is clear from Peter Lumpkins small tooth green that this information was not used to him. No one really liked Peter Lumpkin well enough to discuss his aspirations or dreams. But uh, it has often been observed that he always managed to wriggle his way into exactly the right spots to advance his career. The room opens up into polite applause while staring at its collective lap.
Speaker 9:
25:29
Well, that's what I heard was replacing him. Well, you owned Kinloch rubbing kid. Look, what's your title now? Big Red executive who ordinators SRC. ETA executive coordinator. Well now you're coordinating executive Associate Bravo.
Speaker 2:
25:54
I assume this is a promotion for Robert, but only because of the Bravo. Robert is generally neither aggressive enough or qualified enough to be seen as a threat to people who are both. And as a result, he finds himself getting promoted all the time.
Speaker 9:
26:11
Gosling once again, cuts this applause short along with these changes in title comes any increase in salary, but you also get greater responsibility. Brace tub
Speaker 2:
26:23
now spurting a surprise. Nosebleed beat their Lumpkin leans in to whisper something in my ear, even though I could swear he was sitting at the other end of the table just a minute ago, but nope. Here he is sitting next to me, a bit behind me down where he Tabish dad each piece easy, even rub count bunny. I've set up Makarov's you do most of the work for him automatically, you know, meet grows and then he laughs into my mouth at least I think it's a laugh. It sounds like an asthmatics, ogre and smells like coffee that's been brewed in a diving helmet. Guzzling continues.
Speaker 9:
27:06
Oh, I would have time to worry about how to spend all your extra income. Thankfully we've got a program to help with a very real problem of middle management getting paid more than they know what to do with.
Speaker 2:
27:19
Wait, what's this all about? I turned to ask Lumpkin but he's gone. He's back at the other end of the table. You had some sort of warlock.
Speaker 9:
27:30
It's too complicated for you. Simpletons. Well, there's a program that worked very well on us right up to the plan is Arie Pants crabbing of 2099 it's not all that legal here on lacquer most B, but that's dumb. So I forced it through unilaterally. In short, the increased income anxiety alleviation initiative, or he goes as follows, we'll evaluate how much you'll lifestyle ought to cost. Put that amount on your paychecks at Caitlin rest, and then it trickles down to you.
Speaker 2:
28:05
When does that happen with insurance, Robert?
Speaker 9:
28:09
When does that happen?
Speaker 2:
28:12
Hunks Gosling mockingly himself cleaning up a little bleed. Eeo Wind is million, man, you trickled back down. Do me Gosling and tub look at each other nervously before unleashing a flood of what I recognize as words, but can't make any sense of,
Speaker 9:
28:31
well with holders aren't laying sense of I'd fund pivoting. It's like Tinder for money. Now we've basically gamified game changing. It's an 800 pound gorilla. We truly appreciate living rent free in your mind. Let's do this.
Speaker 2:
28:45
Meanwhile, somewhere else,
Speaker 8:
28:54
I booked the human nevers to puncture it's mortal horizon with tweet, with the band. The claws are terrible. Sunder that which held miracle universes. Edge expands, bursting, tailoring until the universe, outside of the breast for apocalyptic clause on something soft. What? Sturdy amount and talk about you do one of our side have a little orchard into existence through willpower on home? No. There are others like me and four chord, long snout and down and waiting. So we do put these others. They are no current entrepreneurs. They are huge. They are bigger than I am. I fall out and they look down with the most dreadful, the facial expressions, not hatred, not contempt, thought, preciousness. I look around and me and all around, and dozens of hollow vessels like the one I have escaped to throw them away from the word [inaudible] occurs to me every possible [inaudible] to me.
Speaker 10:
30:38
Oh, hi. Oh baby
Speaker 9:
30:45
background, Omni on spy, tabletop audio. Everything else. My Josh Burgess even enjoyed cyber gas versus big gay dragons. Please write a review on iTunes and consider supporting it at patrion.com/the Josh pit.
Speaker 11:
31:21
[inaudible].
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