On this one, we take a look at the question of how the adults in a child's world go about determining whether a child is in need of therapeutic treatment, which is a more loaded question than it would seem.....
As always, I can be reached at barnettchildtherapy@gmail.com. Check out barnettchildtherapy.com for more audio, video, and to learn about the Child-Centered Children's Book series.
On this one, we take a look at the question of how the adults in a child's world go about determining whether a child is in need of therapeutic treatment, which is a more loaded question than it would seem.....
As always, I can be reached at barnettchildtherapy@gmail.com. Check out barnettchildtherapy.com for more audio, video, and to learn about the Child-Centered Children's Book series.
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Hello and welcome back or welcome for the first time to play time. My name is Andrew Barnett. I am a child therapist who is living under quarantine in Asheville, North Carolina, and this is a podcast dedicated to play therapy and child therapy. Coming at both of those things from a child centered perspective and for those not familiar with play therapy, it is the archaic practice of healing where we used tohave individual Children go one by one into a room with a therapist and touch the same plastic objects and then leave. And then another child would do the same thing. That was, Ah, bad pandemic joke. Um, I hope everyone is staying safe and saying, and all of those things out there before I get rolling with the podcast. I wanted to mention that in partnership with Gillian Kelly, who I work with, and with Xander Stefanie, who's a friend of mine who's an artist. We have created a cove in 19 book specifically for Children who have lost someone due to the pandemic and who did not have the opportunity to say goodbye and didn't have the opportunity. Either, too, perhaps participates in a communal grieving ritual and so are left potentially a little bit more alone, with some of their feelings and lacking in some closure. And the book aims to witness some of those feelings. The book is titled I didn't Get to Say Goodbye, and We have created a pdf for it so that it could be printed out and just stapled and good to go from there. And so if you are a clinician somewhere and the book I just described would be helpful for some Children that you're working with, let me know, let me know what Ah Barnett shout there be a gmail dot com and I will send you that free PdF And it will also be available soon as a published book, with all the proceeds going somewhere. Haven't decided exactly where yet. It's not out as as a book book yet, but if you would like a free copy of the pdf, drop me a line and let me know. Let's get into the topic of the day. However, in the topic of the day is talking about when do you know whether or not a child needs to go to therapy, which is an interesting topic and a topic that comes up in my life as a child therapist, a fair amount, whether that's receiving calls from people who are like potentially interested in therapy services for their child, but not sure if they are. There are some things that they're worried about as the adult, but it seems unclear for whatever reason, whether or not the concerns inside of the parent have reached a point toe warrant. Therapeutic intervention. The decision of whether a child needs therapy or not is more complicated than it would seem to be like, I've said on the podcast before, especially in the podcast, the therapeutic situation of the child. Children don't choose to go to therapy. It's not something that's on their radar. They are not going to suggest it. If you're an adult and you're deciding whether or not you'd like to go to therapy, I mean, if you can afford it, if you have some sort of insurance, then you might as well give it a shot, I guess, right? I mean, it's on your mind. It's something that you could do. But for Children's a little bit different. If you're an adult. Deciding for a child, then you're deciding to do something that they haven't thought of, that maybe they don't want to do that. Maybe you feel uncomfortable about telling them to do. You don't know if you're se overreacting to the concerns you have inside, or if maybe you're you've been under reacting to the concerns you have inside, and so the question could become complicated. And if I was maybe more wise than I am, I might be able to do a podcast that simplifies this down and makes the decision for anyone thinking about sending their child or a child to therapy a little bit easier. But all that I'm probably capable of doing is highlighting just why it's so complicated. And I'm going to be speaking from the perspective of the health and wholeness and well being of the child purely concerned about whether they are growing and moving and changing and comfortable as a human being. What I am not concerned with it all is using therapy as a means of social control for Children. And that's my greatest fear is that that's what child therapy can sometimes be, that it's Maura matter of getting Children to submit to the standards of their environment, to make things easier for the adults that are running their lives and that thou all of that, that's a large number of the Children who end up in child therapy are from that category. And while it's true that a child who is happy, healthy and whole will often be ableto have a more amicable and mutually respectful relationship to their environment into the adults in their world, it's certainly very different toe look at child therapy through the lens of developing the child as a person versus helping them to understand the rules, regulations and blah, blah, blah and moving them towards submission for the one going for the wholeness of the child. There is more of, AH desire towards fluidity and change versus essentially Stasis in the form of completely adapting to the environment while potentially losing the self in the process. And what I mean by that is that, say, a child who was in that who is healthy potentially is angry because angry is a very normal thing. They could be sad because there are legitimate things to be sad about. That could be withdrawn because there are things in their world that are worth withdrawing from. They could be obstinate and stubborn because if they were to not be obstinate and stubborn, if they were just too passively, go along with whatever is going on that that could do summon justice to them as a person. I'm going at deciding whether or not a child needs therapy, not solely based on whether the child is exhibiting external behaviours, which people are concerned about. Some Children who are doing that are actually healthy and fluid and are often not, say, the original source of the problem in the systems that they're in. The best we can do in those circumstances is to help that child to have a relationship with the systems they are connected to that are causing them distress that causes them, say, less distress where they are able to have a relationship to that system that might be slightly more amicable while also not losing themselves in the process. But I always feel nervous about guiding work in a direction which take someone away from themselves and fortunately being child center, we don't have to worry about that as much. But I think part of the reason for this podcast, I suppose, is that I am doing more telehealth therapy, and if you're a therapist out there, I'm sure you are too. And that has made my sessions more directive. And then I am putting more of myself out there and maybe asking myself, Mawr, what does this child need in this moment versus being able to just tap into this place of trust that we will get to what they need on their terms because it doesn't feel like that That will happen online. But maybe that's my own blindness to what is occurring therapeutically in telehealth sessions. But it's been a challenge on this end so far. I hope that you all are finding peace with it, and I hope to find my peace with it as well. But somehow we have strayed. I say we just me. Somehow I have strayed from the topic of the day. Which waas? How do you know when a child needs to go to therapy? Beat? Probably best toe Have some examples for this. Let's say you have a child who is experiencing divorce between the two of their parents, and they're struggling as a result, as is probably everyone in the family system on some level. And when we look at those struggles, it can be interesting to note, not necessarily the content of what is said, not necessarily even how extreme. The content, the kid has said is they could have said they could just ask a lot. Why did you guys get divorce and not seemed to really understand? And it could be so many things under the surface of that. They could be insecure, that they had something to do with the divorce. They could be simply confused about the state of things and have not received an explanation as of yet. That makes sense to them. They could be just disconnected from the reality of it a lot, and then they kind of reconnect to it in these moments on a conscious level. And then they're asking from this place of like, feeling it really deeply again, like they haven't sunk into the reality of it. And that's just a couple of hypotheses. You could also have a child who's really like angry and aggressive and hitting stuff. But the person that they're mad at could be the parents. It could be themselves it could be just a swelling up of emotion that they don't really even know what to do with. It could be sadness turned to anger. Despair turned to anger. Hopelessness turned to anger. It's difficult to know they could say things like, I want to die. I just wish you guys would get back together. This is stupid. Life is pointless. I don't care about anything anymore. Nobody loves me. The Joe ever love each other. There's just the whole list of things that someone could go through, and I wouldn't want to pathologize any of those responses. Life is intense, and we can often feel things very intensely. There's also no response to this pandemic that feels particularly like pathological on its face, the only measure that I can really think of because no single act or no single statement where no single day in itself is enough to say whether or not someone needs outside intervention and we all have. The resource is inside of ourselves anyway, right and inside of our family systems and things could be blocked inside of us individually and collectively that inhibit our ability to tap into those resource is, but you know in an ideal world, therapist just wouldn't exist. But we dio, and the best way that I can think of for someone to know whether or not they should go to therapy is if you're stuck if you're stuck and if your child is stuck. If the same dynamic has been playing itself out, over and over and over again, or it seems like you're in the same cycle and that cycle could last three weeks, three months, 45 minutes and it just doesn't feel like anything's moving that you will come to the same place again and again and again. And that could be in your dynamic with your child. You could be seeing that with your child inside of themselves and the things that they say. And what that would suggest is that for that child who's stuck, there is something that's keeping them stuck. There is always potential to become unstuck, but there's not say in the environment it Selves and the adults in the environment, they're not really sure what to do at this point. The child's got the resource is inside of themselves. Maybe they haven't been able to tap into that or No one has facilitated a process with them to support them and tapping into those things into their process of tapping into those things. And so we just end up on this same loop over and over and over again. And that's not to say that every child who was stuck in a spot needs therapy. If you know a child or have a child who is stuck, there are opportunities hopefully to be able to connect with them through conversation or through play, or through some kind of just intimacy of any sword that might allow there to be a deepening inside of this experience for them, for you to be part of their process with it. For them to tap into resource is that they hadn't been able to tap into previously, and for them to move with it, toe, have the space to move with it and have the support to move through it in whatever way they need to move through it. And generally, how we all move through places that were stuck is unique to each of us, and we all need a little attention, especially when we're young. In order to do that effectively at times or at all at times. But there is zero. Shame about seeing a child therapist if your child is stuck or if you know a child whose stock and mentioning that to the people who run the lives of that child. Because life is beautiful and valuable and interesting and worth our time. But when we're stuck, weather win were Children or when we're older, it doesn't feel that way. Life can feel bland or boring or frustrating or pointless. And being liberated from that point of being stuck, especially when you've been stuck for a while, feels so good. And it's such a gift to be able to give to another person. That's all I got for this episode of playtime. Thank you for listening, please rate review, Subscribe and most importantly, tell a friend or a colleague. It helps the show get more reach. Check out Barney child therapy dot com for books and other stuff content that I've got. I hope it's worth your time. I think it is. And if you want to be in touch with maybe in touch my emails, Barnett out there at gmail dot com and, yeah, get you on next time way