Have you ever stood at life's crossroads, the weight of decision pressing upon your shoulders? Join Hutch and Kyle as they explore the transformative power of change and the courage it takes to embrace new paths. We've all faced moments where the familiar becomes comfortable yet constraining. We have felt the itch for something different but didn't know what different really looked like. Today, we're here to share stories about change and new paths moving forward. Specifically, Kyle shares his personal story and continued journey of his change from one fire department to another.
Sometimes Change is forced, such as being fired from your job, and sometimes it is Chosen. This can make a big difference in terms of how you will handle the change. Things like control and having a say in important matters takes on great value. Being forced into a change often leaves you feeling out of control and without a vision for the future.
Change is frequently associated with anxiety. This is due to the confusion that change can create. Confusion is the seed of all anxiety. Once the confusion has a little pressure behind it, such as a deadline, it moves into anxiety. This becomes taxing on the entire body.
Change also comes with untended consequences and unforeseen problems. Learning the essential mindset of flexibility gives a whole new ability to ward off undesired stresses. In the end, change is the seed of new opportunities. It is better to have the vision of the long term outcomes rather than the immediate. So, with a little mind adjustment and information gathering, prepare yourself for new opportunities by embracing the change.
http://rocksolidfamilies.org
#Rocksolidfamilies, #familytherapy, #marriagecounseling, #parenting, #faithbasedcounseling, #counseling, #Strongdads, #coaching, #lifecoach, #lifecoaching, #marriagecoaching, #marriageandfamily, #control, #security, #respect, #affection, #love, #purpose, #faith,
#Rocksolidfamilies,#familytherapy,#marriagecounseling,#parenting,#faithbasedcounseling,#counseling,#Strongdads,#coaching,#lifecoach,#lifecoaching,#marriagecoaching,#marriageandfamily,#control,#security,#respect,#affection,#love,#purpose,#faith,#mastersofdisaster,#storms,#disasterrelief,#tornados,#hurricanes,#floods
Have you ever stood at life's crossroads, the weight of decision pressing upon your shoulders? Join Hutch and Kyle as they explore the transformative power of change and the courage it takes to embrace new paths. We've all faced moments where the familiar becomes comfortable yet constraining. We have felt the itch for something different but didn't know what different really looked like. Today, we're here to share stories about change and new paths moving forward. Specifically, Kyle shares his personal story and continued journey of his change from one fire department to another.
Sometimes Change is forced, such as being fired from your job, and sometimes it is Chosen. This can make a big difference in terms of how you will handle the change. Things like control and having a say in important matters takes on great value. Being forced into a change often leaves you feeling out of control and without a vision for the future.
Change is frequently associated with anxiety. This is due to the confusion that change can create. Confusion is the seed of all anxiety. Once the confusion has a little pressure behind it, such as a deadline, it moves into anxiety. This becomes taxing on the entire body.
Change also comes with untended consequences and unforeseen problems. Learning the essential mindset of flexibility gives a whole new ability to ward off undesired stresses. In the end, change is the seed of new opportunities. It is better to have the vision of the long term outcomes rather than the immediate. So, with a little mind adjustment and information gathering, prepare yourself for new opportunities by embracing the change.
http://rocksolidfamilies.org
#Rocksolidfamilies, #familytherapy, #marriagecounseling, #parenting, #faithbasedcounseling, #counseling, #Strongdads, #coaching, #lifecoach, #lifecoaching, #marriagecoaching, #marriageandfamily, #control, #security, #respect, #affection, #love, #purpose, #faith,
#Rocksolidfamilies,#familytherapy,#marriagecounseling,#parenting,#faithbasedcounseling,#counseling,#Strongdads,#coaching,#lifecoach,#lifecoaching,#marriagecoaching,#marriageandfamily,#control,#security,#respect,#affection,#love,#purpose,#faith,#mastersofdisaster,#storms,#disasterrelief,#tornados,#hurricanes,#floods
Strong Dads wants to thank 4 Speed on 50 for sponsoring today's show. If you like classic cars, great food and a taste of Americana, you have to visit 4 Speed on 50's Diner, located on Route 50 in Lawrenceburg, indiana. Stop in today for a meal and an experience you won't soon forget at 4 Speed on 50's Diner. Welcome to Strong Dads. This is Merle Hutchinson, along with Kyle Crawford.
Speaker 2:You haven't heard this combination in a while, have you Back in the studio, back in the studio.
Speaker 1:Good deal, how you doing man.
Speaker 2:I'm good. I'm good. It feels nostalgic.
Speaker 1:That's the word right. That's the right word, yeah.
Speaker 2:We haven't been in the studio for six months, right?
Speaker 1:About six months. About six months we got the sign back up.
Speaker 2:Had to dust it off. Had to dust it off a little bit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the sign back up. Dust it off, dust it off, we're ready to go, yeah, yeah. So, uh, yeah, we are back in the studio today and there's a reason for that. Um, we just thought we would take a little bit of a break or at least space this show in between some of the other ones that uh will be coming, but, um, kind of want to just talk about some of the changes. So it's been six months and, uh, we've had changes, of course, in Strong Dads. But, kyle, let's just be real honest, you have had significant life changes.
Speaker 2:I have.
Speaker 1:And we're going to talk a little bit about those, but I think that I don't know what exactly the right title would be, but I think the thought that came to my mind is so you say you want to change in your life huh Be careful what you wish for.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's how I always want to follow it up Be careful what you wish for. But yeah, it is going to be a good, honest conversation and hopefully we can peel some things out of this and give them to you guys, because I think change is always exciting.
Speaker 1:I know that, um, you know, every year when we go to travel somewhere, whatever, when you are sitting in the mundane routine, you're like man, I can't wait to get out of here yeah and then sometimes the trips aren't nearly what you wanted them to be, right and and then, trying to get back to your regular routine, sometimes you're like I can't wait to just get back in my my groove again. So it was, it was a rut, and then you said no it was it was a groove, it was just a groove yeah, we're making a new group.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I, I, I think you know, before we get into that, I definitely think we should talk about, um, some of the big changes we've made, uh, with kind of going out into the field, quote, unquote into the the field and talking to strong dads on real life and kind of where we kind of have seen some excitement coming from that We've had the opportunity to go out and interview and talk to some dads and some men just doing normal life working.
Speaker 2:I think it's been awesome just seeing and talking to men and being able to relate to them in some aspects when it comes to work, because I think at the end of the day I think it's not a hidden secret right Men do find a lot of worth in our job and so it's been cool to go out there and talk to men doing work and kind of figuring out where God's purpose fits into the realm of working and kind of that work-life balance, of prioritizing our family, through that. And it's really cool because a lot of the stuff that working and kind of that work-life balance, of prioritizing our family through that, and you know it's. It's really cool because a lot of stuff that you and I over the last couple years I've really talked about here on this desk these guys are talking about the same stuff, just just kind of putting it into their own realm in their own world yeah, yeah and uh, I've enjoyed it too.
Speaker 1:I've enjoyed getting out, um, seeing the one. I just like going to different places, so maybe we drive to a construction site, maybe we go and see somebody's uh business or shop or whatever. Um, you know, to date, our our visit with uh, with paul yeah, paul gangloff and his wood shop that just had you drooling all over the place that one received the most clicks so far. Um, but it's just cool, like because you, when you see people in their work environment, you actually see a different part of them, you see what makes them click.
Speaker 1:Yeah you know, um, you see them get. They get like this laser eye to them, like well, this is what we do, this is why we do it, versus when you see them out, you might just they talk the weather right, right, but you get them in their workplace. It's just like if I got to the fire department, you would all of a sudden be well, game on with here's how I'm going to explain. This is what we do, and so on.
Speaker 2:Well, I think there's a sense of comfort there, right, they're in a familiar place and we're talking about something that they are passionate about. That's something that they do in an environment that they're also, again, very comfortable in.
Speaker 1:So it's very easy to have that dialogue and that conversation and I think it's shown through all of our interviews- yeah, yeah, and I think we've talked a lot of times on this show about the idea of discovering your gifts, your God-given gifts, and then starting to implement those through practice. And you can tell when a guy feels like he's in his God-given gift arena, where he's just, yeah, like this is home for me, this is where it is, and so, yeah, that's been really cool. Some things have not been cool. Some things have not been cool. Some of the things I just didn't really anticipate On paper. I was just like, yeah, you know you and I will schedule these things.
Speaker 1:It's a nightmare to schedule them because you've got to, first and foremost, you've got to schedule with their calendar in mind, because you're basically at their mercy. And they'll be like well, you know, my best times happen to be on Tuesdays, and so first and foremost, they have to go there, and of course, then I have to go mine, then I have to go you and you're, you're working, you know well, you change the job and we're gonna talk about that. So it's just different, like we've only been able to really hit up a few times with each other.
Speaker 2:So, you know, for us, prior to making this change, it was like every Wednesday we knew, at nine o'clock, you know, we'll be here in the studio and and doing at least one show, if not a couple of them, at a time. And yeah, like you said that that's one of those changes. You know, you know so.
Speaker 2:So we thought we wanted to make a change right and now, all of a sudden, we get into it and and again it's one of those it's, it's not a deal breaker for us. I think we're going to keep plugging away, keep doing it, but it's definitely something you know.
Speaker 1:We we may maybe didn't anticipate it to being this much of a challenge yeah, uh, the other nightmare linda hears me gripe about this is uh, in the studio here, everything's controlled. Yeah, we use the same mics, the same camera, the lighting, everything's controlled.
Speaker 1:When we walk out, we're using different mics, the wind can be blowing the machines can be running and so I can't even tell you like we're only doing one show, uh, every two weeks, and I've got at least five times as much show per time in each show, because, uh, just splicing it together and cleaning up the sound, because, like oh man you. I can hear traffic back there.
Speaker 1:That's so loud I can't even hear the guy talk you know, and now maybe that's either going to force me to get it become a better technician at what we're doing here or get better equipment or something, but for right now it's kind of a pain well, we've tried different mics and try to see kind of which ones work.
Speaker 2:We've done the phone we've gotten, you know, additional mics we got. We got the the normal mics we've been using. So, yeah, we've been trying different yeah different things to try and make the quality the best we can.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah so, anyway, those are some of the the kickbacks, but there's also good with it, and so then you kind of do this right, you got to weigh it out and say well, is it worth it or not?
Speaker 1:and yep, at this point we say definitely. Yes, we've definitely picked up a lot more followers and and views, and so that's been good. Also, I do want to say, as we get into the show uh, we want to thank our sponsors, but we picked up a new sponsor and doing all this process too, so we want to thank quality automart, who's been with us for a long time. Yeah, casey's outdoor solutions has been with us for a long time, and now we want to welcome four speed on 50 diner, who is a new sponsor, and so I just briefly want to talk a little bit about four speed on 50. They are on highway 50, right between Lawrenceburg and Aurora. Most people would associate it more with Lawrenceburg.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:But Steve Caudill and Tony Schroeder are, I'm going to say, the primary owners of that. And basically it was Steve Caudill's dream. He loves muscle cars and kind of nostalgic stuff and so he built a 1950s diner right there on highway 50 and so it really looks it's all that stainless steel it's real shiny and everything and you go in there and you can get a meal and it's got the whole 50s vibe.
Speaker 1:But when you're finished, right behind the building, he's got a I'll just call it for the sake of our discussion like a car museum. He's got like this warehouse building and he's got a I'll just call it for the sake of our discussion like a car museum. He's got this warehouse building and he's got all these muscle cars and stuff in there and it's done up with all this 50s vibe. So anyway, check out 4 Speed on 50 and tell us what you think.
Speaker 2:I like it. I like it.
Speaker 1:All right. So let's talk about your change a little bit, and then we're going to talk about how do we start to go after change so that we can get the best of it, how do we prepare for it, but then how do we handle it when we're in the middle of it? So tell us a little, give us the shorter bridge. You got six months in this. Don't talk for six months. Just give me what's happened.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so similar to what you're saying. Yeah, just a big life change. About six months ago I made the decision, along with Jenny. I left the city of Dayton Fire Department. It was a pretty significant, a pretty tough decision to come to, where I felt like it was time to leave. You know, I did 10 years there. I think I've realized that it seems like after 10 years of doing anything, you kind of fall in a little bit of rut sometimes or groove that we're talking about.
Speaker 2:And you know it just got to the point where I just felt like it was the timing was there to leave and right now in the modern fire service there's plentiful jobs, there's jobs everywhere. And right now in the modern fire service there's plentiful jobs, there's jobs everywhere. So you know that that made it kind of nice because I essentially could basically pick where I wanted to go and the place that I picked was where I'm currently at, to the city of Fairfield. So it's been, it's been a big culture change for me, I'd say, was it's been the biggest difficult in that change. Going from a I'll call Dayton a bigger city. You know it's been the biggest difficult in that change. Going from a call date in a bigger city. You know it's not like in the grand scheme of bigger cities it's not huge In the state of Ohio. You know it's in the top six.
Speaker 1:The whole thing, though, is an urban environment. You actually work in what you would refer to as the ghetto? Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:So you know, going from the city to Dayton we had 12 firehouses making about 40 to 45,000 runs a year. So we were very busy and I enjoyed that part of it. I really did. You know, traveling an hour to go to work where I live at, to where I worked at, was about an hour drive. Now to where I'm at now I have about a 30 minute drive. City of Fairfield we have three firehouses. We make about 8 000 runs a day or a year. So that's crazy. Um, so significant decrease in run volume, um, which has been uh, welcomed, uh, for sure. Uh, it's definitely as I'm getting older and kind of middle of my career now, um, the slow down pace has definitely been. I'm okay with that, right. Um, the part that I'm not okay and I know I've expressed this is I do enjoy the actual firefighting aspect of my job.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you've said many times I love to fight fire. I love to fight fire. You're just weird, though, I know.
Speaker 2:And the city of Dayton gave me the opportunity to do a lot of that.
Speaker 1:In my just shy of 10 years there I've said it before I've been exposed to and got to experience things that about 90% of the fire service will never get there. So just, you love to fight fire.
Speaker 2:That's a big part of the job that you enjoyed Roughly just roughly. How many fires a week? Or can I use a week at Dayton? So in Dayton we would always, every year, the numbers would always come out we were over 400 fires a year. Okay, so yeah.
Speaker 1:So over a fire a day? Yep, uh, okay, so, yeah, so over a fire a day. And so when you do a 24-hour shift, yep, you, there's a good chance you were going to see a fire.
Speaker 2:Yep, I.
Speaker 2:Because of where I was, at the proximity of my firehouse and the in the, the apparatus I was on, I always said that basically every day I went into work I had about a 50 chance to go to a fire okay um, and that that statement alone is something that the vast majority of the fire service they don't get to say, right and and because the the numbers of fires are down in this country, partially due to, you know, teaching people, you know about prevention and so on and so forth.
Speaker 2:And now we do you do with inspections and stuff. So but yeah, so the number of fires that I got to do and experience in the city of Dayton was very grateful for that experience that I've been able to kind of gather and use in this transition, because now again I've been firefighting for about 16 years, 10 years full time. So now where I'm at now it's a very young department and I've been able to use that experience that I got from the city of Dayton and essentially kind of be, you know, an old, wise guy, an old wise fireman.
Speaker 2:You know I have the experience to back up what I do believe in some of the things that I do talk about and I teach. So that's been very, very exciting. But again, it's just that culture shift of you know, working for the suburbs where I'm currently at versus the urban environment, like you were talking about, working for the suburbs where I'm currently at versus the urban environment, like you were talking about and and just the culture, just the old school city, feel that I got in the city of Dayton, that that is not necessarily there yet. I think the, the, the city of Fairfield is in a huge transition. You know myself being part of that transition. There's a new fire chief, that's that's taken over the city of Fairfield. So I think there's a lot of different puzzle pieces that are kind of all part of this that I think everyone's trying to figure out, and you know I'm no different, I'm trying to figure it out as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So just to go back to the fighting, the fire. So now you were a fire day, maybe.
Speaker 2:now how many fires a day or a week or a month, or whatever um, I think last year, I think they said in the actual city city limits of city of fairfield they had four oh wow, so we go mutual aid into other other jurisdictions.
Speaker 1:Uh, so yeah, I went from 400 to four, yeah, so, but and you didn't really, um, you didn't study that very closely did not prior and, but you have always said I love fighting fire. That's one of my favorite parts of that job yeah and uh, and so that was something that you're like oh man, I'm really missing that part now.
Speaker 2:Okay, and you know the flip side of it is is, you know, at my firehouse, about 16 to 20 runs a day and 80 to 90% of those runs are EMS-related. And now the vast majority of the runs are still 89% of EMS. Right, but now we're talking eight or nine a day versus 16.
Speaker 2:So again, that decrease in the EMS side of it where I don't get as much fulfillment. It's still a very important job, part of my job that I still know, that I need to, you know, put forth a lot of effort. It just doesn't fulfill me the way the fireside does.
Speaker 2:Um, those runs have decreased, which is again welcome you like that for sure um, so you know it's, it's just a, it's a completely different feel, it's a the culture has been, you know, a a big change. I was just telling you I've talked many times the kitchen table is is.
Speaker 2:I love the kitchen table. I love, I love sitting around. I spent a third of my life with the exact same guys. I love sitting around the kitchen table. We call it family hour and just doing live for these guys. You know meals, uh, in the city of Dayton, meals were they. Were it like? You did not mess with the meals, Right? And now transition to where I'm at now. The meals just happen, Right, they're just not as such a big deal and I'm hoping that through this transition that I, you know we were talking, you know, bring that to Fairfield and let these guys know, because you in the family realm, we know the importance of doing dinner with your family, the way you're describing that.
Speaker 1:So if you look in the counseling world for family and stuff, that the hands down, the number one most effective way that you can have ongoing finger on the pulse counseling in the family is not by going and getting appointments with some counselor, it's by having a regular family hour or a dinner hour, what we find in today's culture. It reminds me of what you're seeing at the new younger department, where we are seeing families eating oh, just eat, grab whatever you want for dinner, and in fact they they might not, or typically don't even eat at a dinner table. They'll, they'll go get a plate of food and go sit in a recliner and turn a TV on Right and and that's is that what you see more in the new fire department?
Speaker 2:And again, I'm still the new guy, I'm still trying to figure out. I've only been there for six months. I'm going to be like, hey, I don't want to be like, hey, laying the law down. We're turning the TV off, right, because some of these guys, they like to enjoy it.
Speaker 1:It's not your place yet During the week.
Speaker 2:It's like whoopee, right, right, uh, I, just I enjoy that part of the relational aspect of the job that I get to do and and so you know that's definitely something. Again, speaking kind of in the two different worlds of where I came from to where I'm at now, you know that that was a change, that I was not really. I didn't know that that was going to be. You know, I worked in the suburbs prior to going to the city of Dayton and I guess after 10 years I've kind of forgotten some of that stuff. Um, but that, that, that working in the city of Dayton, I feel like I have that perspective of the importance of dinnertime and how much it means to the entire culture, because I learned that up there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's good stuff, really good stuff. So, um, you know, when we talked about us making the change here for strong dads and we said, well, so at the end of the six months here are we happy with what we're doing, right now we're saying, yeah, it was good move, it was a good move. Um, you are at that point now, too, where you're starting to make assessments, like and so, uh, before we hit the record button, you were like, I'm still kind of 50, 50.
Speaker 2:Is that about where you'd say you'd be? Yeah, I mean, in this process and in this transition, I had called you to kind of pick your brain, to kind of see and just to talk about it, talk it over with somebody that I trust, that I feel like you can speak into this and one of the things that I've really been doing every morning. Actually, I'm just going to turn my phone off, turn it back on Every morning. This is a prayer I've been praying and it's Lord. I surrender my day to you, lord, I surrender my ego to you, because a lot of my decisions and things that I think I want are ego and pride driven. Lord, I give you control over my mind and my mindset and where I'm at. And then the last thing I always say is use me today and allow me to serve the guys that I work with. And this has been something I really feel like, because early on in the transition I was not in a good place. I was really frustrated because of the significant change that had come the cultural change Exactly.
Speaker 2:And I'd say for the last month and a half, two months almost, I've been praying this prayer almost every day and it's been something I really feel like God is really kind of working and spinning my wheels and trying to have me view things in different light and through that there's been things that come up in work that I'm just, like you know, not dwelling on as much, and there's been things where I'm like all right, this is an opportunity to serve these guys. Right, I want God to show me and give me the ability to serve these guys. This is an opportunity, right, I need to take advantage of that. A guy in my small group brought this up.
Speaker 2:He's, like you know, speaking of the fire. He's like maybe God puts you in Dayton for the first 10 years to go fight fire and now God's putting you in a different place to go serve men. And this is the fires that I'm fighting now. Right, I'm fighting the fires of, of, of dealing with men and young guys and who are, who are getting ready to get married and who are raising a family, and like, not that I'm anybody special or not that I have, like this absorbent amount of wisdom, right, but I can speak into some of this stuff because of the experience that I got to have over the last 10 years.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I, when you and I talked, talked. I was like you know, I hate where you're at, but I love where you're at and I always say that just because, like man, you're in, you're in a little bit of a pressure cooker, you're uncomfortable, um, and now you got to fish through it and this is that purification process and I have no idea I've shared with you.
Speaker 1:I'm in my own little purification process and when you're in it you're like, oh man, this is just, when's it gonna end, or what. Give me an answer, or whatever. But sometimes it's just that I, from the very beginning am I coachable? Am I really teachable? Or is my pride so strong? Am I so about me, am I so right or self-right that, uh, I can't, I can't learn a new trick and, uh, I don't think this is going to end for us you know, like I mean, I've talked about my dad and he's going to be 90 here next month and he had to transition into a nursing home over this past, last year.
Speaker 1:He's not happy, all right, and and we've had to talk like dad, you know, this is, this is kind of where we are and, um, you know, I I'd say if I asked him he'd be like I'm still 50 50 on this, you know well it's so true when you talk about that pride and the ego, and I think most men can probably relate to this in some regard.
Speaker 2:You know in the fire world, in the realm of the fire world, that I find myself at least in the state of Ohio.
Speaker 2:When I tell people I work for the city of Dayton or I did work for the city of Dayton, that carries a lot of weight Because in the state of work for the city of Dayton, or I did work for the city of Dayton, that carries a lot of weight because in the state of Ohio the city of Dayton is known for going to a lot of fires Right, and so there's there's a sense of pride and kind of, you know, puffing your chest out a little bit because, again, I know I've shared on this show before.
Speaker 2:I do teach Um and and I don myself in a department that doesn't have that significance. You know it doesn't carry as much weight in the regard, not not that it means that the department's any less, you know, any better, any worse than the city of Dayton. It just doesn't have the reputation that Dayton does Right and so that there is that pride and that ego part that you were speaking of that kind of come in where it's just like I find myself now. It's like I work for the city of Fairfield, but I used to work for Dayton, right.
Speaker 2:And I try and throw that in real quick, at least in the fire world, like when I'm around other guys, and so you know, trying to get over that and understand. Like you know, as much as I love and I feel that God made me be a fireman, I also feel like this isn't my purpose in the world, right to go fight fires. Right it Right. It's the relational aspect of that to be in relationship with guys and to invest in that regard.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, there's a whole learning process going on here. Well, let's talk about so. If you are out there and you're listening and you're either feeling like man, I've been in a rut or I've been maybe seeking some change, or maybe I'm afraid of change and I've recognized that before, let's just talk, give you guys something to think about, mull around in your head to help you walk through this. And I first wanted to break down the types of change, because some change not all change is equal. Right, some change is forced on us. Some change is chosen, and so I would say, like us changing up strong dads, it was chosen. We said, no, we're in control and we're going to do this and, and at the end of the day, if we don't like it, we'll change it back Right, some change is forced.
Speaker 1:If you go to work one day and all of a sudden you're finding out that you're fired, you are going to have to make some changes, and it's not something that you necessarily thought you were going to do. So, and I think that that makes a difference too on how you look at how you're going to problem solve, to get through that. Ok, so some different things about when you've chosen it. You had an itch when you were at dayton. You had an itch and and the itch was irritating you enough, and I would just say that I detected the itch in you for probably I don't know about two years.
Speaker 1:For about two years you were I'll just use it disgruntled or you weren't like I hate this place, but you were like man, okay. So you had an itch. So those itches are there for a reason. All right, they're there for a reason they're there. I think God uses that discomfort to say well, maybe it's time for you to change your position. All right, and sometimes it could be boredom that gives you that itch. Sometimes you could be overwhelmed Sometimes. Sometimes it could be boredom that gives you that itch. Sometimes you could be overwhelmed, sometimes you could just be out of place or out of your element. But it's something that says you're not where you're supposed to be, and that's that itch and we should hear that, we should listen to it. Sometimes it's it's it's it's our pride going.
Speaker 1:I could do, better I could do better, all right, but no matter the case, something's trying to get your attention and you should at least pay attention to that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I mean, when you're talking about, like that, itch Merle, I mean when you know and this is something I still feel, like you know that there's still some parts of that how long do you think is okay to allow that just kind of almost being a state of a little bit of confusion, right, like at some point? Right, a change has to happen, whether it's a change where you're currently at or you know, a change to move forward. Where do you think, knowing that itch is there, knowing that a change needs to happen, right, and this is something you're choosing how long do you think it's okay to be in kind of a state of uncertainty or not knowing where you want to go?
Speaker 1:I don't know the time limit on that, as much as the quality of life that is putting you in, and so I've called you out, I've called myself out. It's like you know what, do something because we can't be listening to you complain about this anymore.
Speaker 1:And so when it starts impacting your family life, your personal life, your headspace, you know, when it starts to own you, then I think that's the time Okay. If occasionally I go out I'm like, yeah, you know what my car is not quite what I want it to be, but then I get in my car and I drive for another six months and it's not bothering me, it's not really owning me.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:So that's not one of those things that I get one day where I think about a new car and I immediately go out and get the new car. That's probably not an itch I should satisfy like that.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:But so the persistence of the itch or the, the discomfort, and then how it's altering who you are as a person, how you're operating. You know, we have kind of a rule in our house and it doesn't mean it's a perfect rule or anything, but when what your circumstance is is starting to alter everybody else that you live around, it's time for you to start to own that and make the changes right. And so if our daughter was playing volleyball and every day was just like, I just don't know if I like it, I'm just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I'm like listen, no one's making you play volleyball. But if you're going to come home every night and you're going to complain about all the stuff about volleyball, it's time for you to make a decision. You either figure out what you want in it and stay in and get your head right, or you turn to a new chapter.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think you know to that point, that's kind of the beauty of being an adult, that's the beauty of you know, living where we live at right, we do have that freedom to make that choice, you know, and we, you know, we do have that, the free will that God has given us to make that choice. And that's where it's hard to try and like decipher between God's will and my free will, right.
Speaker 2:And trying to marry those two together and trying to see you know, making sure I'm still working on the confines that I believe God wants me at, but also knowing that God gave me the ability to make those choices.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So you know you get to make those choices right, and when you get to make those choices you could get excited about that. All right, you get new opportunities. These are some of the pros of okay.
Speaker 1:I'm going to embrace this. I'm going to embrace the change and now I have a new view I can put on this. New opportunities, excitement, renewal of the mind, like, ah, it's a fresh start. So these are all really renewal of the mind, like it's a fresh start, so these are all really pretty awesome things, or they could be right. Yeah, sure, but there are uh cons to it. Right, there are negatives, like the, uh, just the learning curve. So I told you, like when we start taking strong dads out, the learning curve for me to know how to do more of the techie stuff has not been good and it's partially because I'm I'm fighting it instead of just getting the right equipment, instead of just taking the time to be more patient.
Speaker 1:When I come onto a scene and I say, okay, this is the right way, we're going to do this, I'm just kind of going well, this will work, and then I'm paying for it on the backside. So, the learning process is just something. It's a drawback, especially if you don't embrace it well.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, don't you think I mean the learning curve of it could also be seen as a pro?
Speaker 1:Yeah, especially if you embrace it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I think something that can be seen as a negative or a con of the idea of making this change and you know, is the idea of something I'm dealing with now is like the change in responsibility. Right right now, my responsibility where I'm, where I'm at now is can significantly different than where I was, because where I was at before I was kind of that middle of the road as far as senior guy on the department and I would always go to. These older guys have been around for a while and I would be the one asking, always go to these older guys have been around for a while and I would be the one asking those questions to those guys. Those guys have been around, right. I now find myself in a different role and my responsibilities look a lot different because I'm in such a young, younger, diverse group that I'm working with and now they're looking to me and asking me the questions, right, and I'm finding myself in a different roles and responsibilities that I definitely did not anticipate.
Speaker 2:I knew that we are a younger department you know city of Fairfield is younger, but actually to be in it now and to get those questions asked and to have to explain why, I believe the reason. I, you know, I believe this right. So although it can be seen you know, especially that initial you start getting a lot of those questions can be seen as a con or a negative right. I think long-term similar what you're talking about, kind of in that oven right. I'm just kind of I'm I'm working through it yeah, yeah, yeah, you're.
Speaker 1:You're just you're experiencing. Your age is all of a sudden puts you in a totally different role position, even though your title doesn't reflect it exactly, yeah so you know, uh, well, here's one of the.
Speaker 1:The cons too are the unforeseens, the things you just you get blindsided by that you didn't. It's like, ah, I never realized. And sometimes that's not a big deal if it's just like, well, you know, it takes me 10 minutes longer to drive to work and I'm spending 200 more dollars a year on gas. Okay, you didn't think about it, but whatever. But if, but if it's like, man, I really have to alter what I'm doing, or put a lot of energy because of an unforeseen, um, just, uh, it could go on and on. I mean having to. You didn't realize the culture was going to be so different. Fire department is a fire department, right? Not really, not really.
Speaker 2:You know, that's definitely, you know, another con of kind of the changes, full transparency. I have felt this, the feeling of regret and feeling like why the heck did I make this change right? And feeling like I should go back and kind of playing those, those kind of in my mind and that this the idea of regret, and did I really actually make the right decision? And kind of working through that. You know I was set, I knew I wanted to leave the city of Dayton.
Speaker 2:I felt that, that we were talking about the itch, like I. I was like it's time to go Right. And then, now that I've made that change I don't know if it's pride that's coming through right it's like why, why did I do that right? And now I'm kind of you know, I'm six months into this transition I'm trying to find myself settling in and understand, like, okay, there's bigger reasons that I can't comprehend right now why I made this change right. But that initial feel of regret like what the heck did I do that for?
Speaker 2:I think is definitely a negative to the idea of making a change.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I don't want to say that this is an exact parallel, but this might make some sense to you. One of the biggest changes that we've ever had in our life is the adoption of our three younger kids. Okay, and you know, before the actual final signing took place, we were still a little bit like, well, we're not totally there yet. We could back out if we wanted, and it was. That was a really hard time because it was like man, should I, should we or not, should we or not? But I was so worried, or I was thoughtful about I can't do this and have a regret because I won't be able to live in the house with these kiddos if I have a regret. And so that was a battle for about six months of me figuring that out, and so I don't know if this works for you, but what I had to come to and this was between me and God right, because there was something about adopting kids that I can't have a regret in me. With adopting kids, you just can't do that, like there was something really wrong about that that I said when I make the decision, I will not even give myself the opportunity to say it was ever a regret. There will be no regrets. It is just a new learning experience, moving forward and what I'll tell you that has done, and you know our story.
Speaker 1:It doesn't mean that the adoption has been easy and peachy and cool. It means I burnt the bridge, I burnt the boat, there was no option. We are not going to go backwards, we are only going to go forward and we are going to figure it out. Going forward and the idea that I think that if I could have had a bridge back I'll just say this personally for me it would have made me less of a man. It would have made me less of a man. It would have made me less of a man. Realizing that we burnt the boats, we got to figure this one out made me commit to the process of the adoption and to the kids, and so I don't know if that works in your world, but I had to take regret off the table so that I was committed. I make that statement. It's like we're going to burn the boats, guys, once we're in. We're in.
Speaker 1:There's no, turning back.
Speaker 2:Well, and I've said this before, you know, through this transition, one of the hardest parts of this transition is the choice right, Because there's, like I said at the very beginning, everybody under the sun right now is hiring as a fire department.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Right. So knowing that that is a possibility almost makes things harder for me.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah when where to.
Speaker 2:To your point of just saying all right, this you know we tell our girls all the time your yes means yes and your no means no. Right, like you made this decision, now go with it. Right and and. But having that ability to make choices and to have that free will to go wherever I want, as far as fire department goes, in some ways is a con, is a negative of this change too many choices mean too many other temptations.
Speaker 1:Remember, we've talked about anxiety before the. The seed to all anxiety in life starts with confusion, and so when I have confusion and then I put a little time pressure on it, I've done the four-way stop in the show, haven't?
Speaker 2:I yeah.
Speaker 1:And so, all of a sudden, I'm at the four-way stop and people are beeping at me. That is now, oh, I've got to make a decision, and that's when confusion turns into anxiety.
Speaker 1:So, uh yeah, more choices are not necessarily better okay um they can really think they are yeah, yeah, I mean, it's kind of cool up front, but then, once you're there, it it allows you to not really have to be committed. I think another thing there is you've got to operate over facts, over feelings. We do not dismiss feelings, all right, because I think sometimes we want to dismiss feelings. Feelings are what move the world. Okay, so when you have a feeling of love, when you have a feeling of purchasing a business, feelings are not to be dismissed. But feelings in and of themselves cannot be the single motivator of the final decision that you make. You have to look at the facts and certain things. Well, it's closer to my house. Well, I might make better pay. Well, I might have more time or less time, whatever it is. You got to look at all the facts, stuff and try to mend those together to see what you're going to come up with before you make that change.
Speaker 2:Yep, you know, merle, this is something the idea of giving yourself grace through this process. This has been really hard for me because I feel a great deal of pressure and stress that come along with this. Like you know, I'm the man of the household, right.
Speaker 2:I'm supposed to have my shit squared away, right, and that's something that I feel, and the idea of giving myself grace has been really hard. But on the flip side of that, something that I have definitely felt through this process is Jenny's grace, knowing the confusion that comes along with that and how awesome that is to lean on her because I'm hard on myself. Right, there's a saying in the fire service, right, you think the words I say to you are mean. Imagine what I'm telling myself. Right, like, I'm really hard on myself, but to have the grace from her, I've been able to lean on that as almost, like you know, a crutch, in a sense of like, that grace that she's given me is almost enough for myself to give to myself that, and in a sense of like that grace that she's given me is almost enough for myself to give to myself.
Speaker 1:That makes sense. Yeah, it's huge and I think you got to, especially when you're especially when you thought you had it all together before right or some reasonable level of that, and then when you're starting to fumble around right Now you're back in a learning or almost rookie position of trying to figure it out.
Speaker 1:And so that kind of gets to our next point of you gotta, you gotta embrace and accept that failure is going to be part of this process. And and I kind of like to say you know, it's really only a failure if you don't learn from it. You know I mean, but you're gonna, you're gonna drop the ball. And if you drop the ball and don't do anything to correct it, then you really did fail. But if you drop the ball, you're like okay, got to correct, got to do something different. So anyway, I think embracing the failure part is just part of it, like okay, well, I'm learning something here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean one of the things that you've written down here and this again speaking on Jenny, the idea of ensuring that support system you do have right. So, as I've worked through this, knowing that that support system you do have right. So, as I've worked through this, knowing that my support system, jenny, and the girls, my parents and my siblings, like I, have a huge support system that through this transition, will call me and be like hey, how are things going? And you know and be, and I've given all those people permission to speak into it. You know I've called you, you know, just to pick your brain and giving you permission to speak into what I'm doing. I think having having a team around you for that support right Because, again, we've talked before some, sometimes that support system isn't going to tell you things.
Speaker 2:You want to hear right, they're going to tell you things you need to hear and through this process I've been. You know I have a small group. I know I've talked about uh, they're, they're my support system. They've talked in and they, they, they've said some pretty direct things to me as far as this process, that I'm in. So I think, knowing that you're going through a change, you have to have that family and friends and support system to help you work through this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and just on the flip side of that, I've even apologized to you because it is hard. But when I have to look at you and say I do not want to say this, but this is what I feel like I have to say, and whether it's our wife that has to say this, but yeah, this is, this is what I, I feel like I have to say yeah, and whether it's our wife that has to say that. Because you know, when we have people close in our life, they hopefully don't, they don't wake up with the intention of hurting us, right. And so when you're going to say something that you know might not be received well, like sometimes, my nature is to avoid that.
Speaker 1:Linda will tell you, I just would rather not even go there because, it's not comfortable, but sometimes you got to appreciate that those people will do that. You know, I think there's something that we would be greatly remiss on, and when you told me you were doing this, I was like man, because this is what I had. This is what I'm still doing too, in my purification process that I'm trying to work through. When you said, about a month, month and a half ago, you put a prayer down. In other words, you finally invited God into the picture.
Speaker 1:And I think we've got to invite God into the process, because when we don't, we somehow in our little pea brain think we're God, we're in control, we should have the answer, we should know the outcomes, right. And so we somehow elevate ourself to a position that we really do not have the whereabouts to handle, right. And so the idea that you said you invited God into the process by surrendering to him, I just can't tell you, guys, if you're out there like this right now, this is not a matter of just sit back and pray. This is a matter of keep plugging away, keep doing, be coachable, All right, keep your eyes open, but you just keep letting God work on you. Um, you know, give me the heart to hear and to be changed and to be coached. Uh man, that is just huge.
Speaker 2:And I think you know most guys. You could probably relate to this on on. It was the hardest thing for me, right Cause of the pride and ego right I want to figure out for me and I want to figure out for me and I want to figure out for Jenny and the girls. I want to have the answers and this is the one that I just like. I don't have answers, I don't know what the heck I'm doing.
Speaker 2:And on top of myself praying. Jenny and I have been very intentional about coming to God, about what the heck I'm supposed to do with my life, and my career to lead us in that. That regard right, because you know, on top of the, the, the undertone and the little bit of tension that I have with my job and my career right now, there has also been that on the flip side with jenny and I and like some disagreements we have as far as what you know, the direction we're trying to take things and it's like.
Speaker 2:So that added the added pressure of also. Like you know, I'm dealing with this me personally, but it does affect my family in knowing that sometimes in this regard I can't fix some of this stuff. So to not invite God in on this was foolish of me early on and it's understanding that. All right, hands up, just do with me what you want.
Speaker 1:I surrender, I surrender.
Speaker 1:I think the last part of this for today is part of the faith deal.
Speaker 1:It's to just trust in the long-term outcome, because if I only do it like well by you know, one month or six weeks or whatever, this should be like this and it's not I'm going to really get frustrated, but to trust that. I've told you before I have no idea how long or where you're going to be, but I trust that, especially if you're surrendering and bringing God in someday, you're going to look back and you're not going to necessarily say that was the best time of my life. That's not the point. You're going to say that was a valuable time in my life. You're going to say that was a valuable time in my life. You're going to, you're going to give it value because of what it produced. On the other end, maybe, maybe it did reap great rewards financially or with time or whatever, but maybe it created greater rewards with you having some self-discovery on. Oh wow, I've really learned more about me here. So I think the long term trusting that there's value in that outcome is, I think, a place to sit with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean we really didn't even touch on too much but the idea of you know and I'll just briefly kind of talk about a little bit about this the idea of sometimes our change can be forced upon us.
Speaker 2:Sometimes there are some changes that just happen, whether that's getting fired from a job, whether that's a death in a family, whether that's. You know, there's so many different things that can kind of happen to you that are forcing you to make those changes and to walk through that. And you know, we talked a little bit about the anxiety and kind of the frustrations that come along with that and the difficulty of a situation like that and not having the control that we talked about for the vast majority of the show. The idea of just that change is being forced on you and kind of that is a change that can happen and just how you work through that, because, again, the choice and being forced are two different processes but at the end of the day, a change is being happened, regardless if it was forced or chose yeah, to help guys get through the force.
Speaker 1:So you find out you got fired from your job, right, boom, got slapped upside the head with that. Um, your brain goes this should not be like this. In other words, you, you put a predisposed outcome, this is where it should be, this is what should be, you know happening. And so when you put your, your expectation on it and it doesn't turn out, you get frustrated. And so one of the the fastest ways to get through the, the blindsidedness part of this, is to accept that it is so.
Speaker 1:Um, I've talked before about guys. Um, I worked with a guy once and he got fired from a very, very great job and he didn't see it coming at all. And he, he got fired from the job. He knew nothing about it coming, family knew nothing about it coming. He was completely upset.
Speaker 1:He's driving home and he says I'm going to give myself a week to be mad and cry about this, but after a week I'm moving on. And so that's what he did, like for a week. He just kind of shut down. He was just kind of questioning why, why, why, and then, like it was that Monday morning, he said oh no, I already told myself I'm I'm done, it's time for me to. In other words, I'm going to accept it and stop trying to go play armchair quarterback, because armchair quarterbacks are worthless. Did you hear me, you guys? Armchair quarterbacks are worthless. They mean nothing to anybody. Okay, and so that idea that if you have forced change on you, the faster that you can go back and recognize I'm not going to change the past, I'm going to move forward. And now you start to become empowered because now, moving forward, you have options in future decisions. You have no options in past decisions.
Speaker 2:That were made. That's part of the grieving process, right? Especially if it is a death of family. There's a grieving process and, yes, at some point there has to be an acceptance phase where you accept that what the change has happened to you and it's time to move on. It's time to continue doing life. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Guys, first off, kyle, I want to thank you because I know that this has not been the smoothest time, but you know, I definitely see you making a lot of progress. If you guys are out there, if you are listening to this and you're like, man, I'm kind of in this same oven as well, or I've been there, done that, or whatever you know, please share this show to others who might need it. Or you take the show show in if we can help, right? I have guys coming to me all the time and say, hey, here's a change I'm going through. Can we just work through this together? And sometimes it's not counseling as much as you're another sounding board to run things by, that's not emotionally attached to the problem or the change, and so, if we can help, please reach out. You can reach us at 812-576-7625. Feel free to go to the Rock Solid Families webpage and you can get a hold of us that way as well. So you got anything else? Nope, just time and change and working through it all.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I appreciate you know you guys tuning in. We're back in the studio. We're going to head back out into the field, though, so be looking for some new shows coming out with some new strong dads on real life, and we're excited about that change that we're making, and hopefully you guys are too. So, yeah, keep tuning in.
Speaker 1:One of our shows is Masters of Disaster, okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And we've already done part of it. I've had some talk with Darren Kroger as a guest, but I can't get another part because he's out on disasters all the time. And we're trying to get an opportunity to actually sit down with him and work through that. So, anyway, again, thanks again. We want to thank our sponsors, we want to thank 4 Speed on 50. We want to thank Casey's Outdoor Solutions and we want to thank, finally, quality Auto Mart. So thanks to all those guys. I had those pulled up just in case you forgot them.
Speaker 1:Yeah well I did. I wanted to make sure I didn't forget that four-speed on 50, since it's a newbie, all right. So also thanks to all you guys out there for listening. So close us out, go out there and be some strong dads. This is a premier garden center and gift shop located in largeburg, indiana. Casey's offers a wide selection of plants, landscaping materials, home and garden decor and gifts for every occasion. Casey's is committed to providing exceptional service, a unique shopping experience and value to every customer. Stop in and see what makes case's so unique, located at 21481 State Line Road, lawrenceburg, indiana, or call 812-537-3800. Let Casey's help you add beauty to your home. Strong dads wants to thank quality auto mart and service for being a proud sponsor of the strong dads podcast, started in 1985 and going strong for all these years. Recently, quality Automart has transitioned from owners of Mark and Nancy Repke to longtime employee Fred and Lorene Venus. For all your automotive needs and golf cart needs, check out Quality Automart, located across from Indian Lakes on Highway 46 outside of Batesville, indiana.