Ep. 37 Overcoming Self-Doubt and Discovering Self-Truth: A Personal Journey with Nathan

Who decides the narrative of our lives? How impactful are the expectations of our parents in shaping who we become? From childhood expectations to societal pressures, Nathan takes us through his life, revealing the influence of his stepfather’s high standards and lack of praise, which led to his lifelong struggle with self-doubt and an insatiable drive to be a high achiever. 

As we journeyed with Nathan, we uncovered his transformative moment of discovering grace, forgiveness, and faith—elements that greatly changed his perception of himself. We delve deep into the crippling effects of shame, the significance of challenging negative thoughts, and the freedom found in God's grace and forgiveness. This is not just Nathan's story; it resonates with the inner narrative many men grapple with. This episode is an illuminating exploration of overcoming self-doubt, discovering self-truth, and navigating life with newfound confidence. It's a vital listen for anyone seeking to challenge the negative narratives holding them back.

Nathan Mansfield
Instagram: @nathanmansfield

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

My stepdad may have been an asshole, but he taught me one of the greatest, most valuable lessons in my life. I think that for men, there's this extreme pressure on who we're supposed to be. I think from a young age, depending on your parents, depending on, really, your father, there's this extreme pressure on who you're supposed to be. That is a narrative that is provided to you, not from you, and with that mentality growing up over the years, I believe that we begin to feel shame for not living up to who someone else has told us we're supposed to be. I think this is something that's really put into our brains at a young age and I think that for me, my stepfather was a complete asshole. He had high expectations of me. He oftentimes I mean most of his conversation was all negative. I could never do enough and if I did something really good, there was no praise. It was constantly just putting me down. And in my family he was the main father figure. As I spent more time at my mom's house, I had more influence from my stepfather. So I think the mentality that I had growing up is that no matter what I do, it'll never be good enough, and that still affects me to this day. It is one of the reasons that I'm a high achiever, because of the parenting style that was influenced on my mind as a young child.

Speaker 1: 1:59

As a young boy, I remember my stepdad would bring my parents on to a restaurant. It was the only like all day breakfast food restaurant in my hometown. I grew up in a small town of 4,000 people, so on Sundays there would be a line out the door after church just to get in this place and it sat like 125 people. But with that I would be in charge of doing some of the back end chores and stuff to help the restaurant succeed. And so we had saltwater softeners downstairs in the basement and so there was a flight of stairs and my stepdad would bring a pallet of softener salt which is probably like upwards of 100 bags, plus that I'll weight about 65, 70 pounds. I was 12, 13 years old and he would tell me hey, I'll pay you $20 an hour to basically unload all the salt. And I would. I would carry these 60, 70 pound bags by myself, all alone, as fast as I could. I remember like just up and down these stairs to carrying a bag of salt in my back, my knees, everything would be killing me, but I would have done done the best job I could to hopefully have him recognize how quickly and how effectively and how well it was done. But, sure enough, after I was completed, he would always come in and find something wrong. It was always that something was wrong with me. It was always that something was wrong with how I did something. It was never good enough. There was never praise, there was never good job.

Speaker 1: 3:28

Nathan and this is not to tell the victim story or a sad story, but it is the truth of like that way that I was raised has made me into the man that I am. It has actually led me to a lot of success in my life. But I got to be real careful, because if I start diving into the fact that nothing I do is ever good enough, then I begin to feel a lot of shame within myself. Measured by what standard? Who knows my own mind? That's haunting me and telling me what you're doing is not enough, you need to do more. And so, with that, the main factor of shame is a lack of forgiveness, it's a lack of understanding, it's a lack of grace and, as a, as a worldly man growing up without religion, without God.

Speaker 1: 4:15

All the way to 33 years old, I didn't understand what grace was. I didn't understand what forgiveness truly was. I didn't know how to fully forgive myself and others that had hurt me. I didn't know how to fully forgive myself for the dumb things that I'd done, the mistakes I'd made, the fool I had made of myself. I just lived in the shame of that my whole entire life. And then there became a moment I did not fully understand truly what grace and forgiveness was.

Speaker 1: 4:43

Until I became a Christian, I understood how God redeems me every single day of my life, no matter the sin, no matter the hiccup, the failure, the falling on my face over and over the repeated commitment of bad decisions. God still picks me up every day of my life. God still gives me grace every day of my life Otherwise I'd be dead and so it's the grace and mercy, the forgiveness that God gives me that allows me to forgive myself. It would be wrong of me to live in a place of shame when God doesn't view me that way. But 33 years of my life I didn't understand this. It was just me carrying my own burdens, me carrying my own weight. So my relationship with God has changed the way that I view myself and it's continually changing me every day of my life. When I veer off and I try to do life by myself, it's Nathan's way, it's Nathan's decision, it's Nathan's empire. When I go all on me, for some reason, the burdens get heavier, everything gets worse. But when I build an intentional relationship with God, I realize how he treats me and how he loves me, and that changes the narrative of how I preach to myself.

Speaker 1: 5:55

The internal voice is a really unique thing we all. I think this study is that 70% of most people's thoughts are negative. You think of the 60,000 thoughts a day. So imagine how many negative thoughts you have in your mind about yourself every day. And you've got to fight those things. You've got to question those things. You have to realize are they true or are they not true? And most of your thoughts are liars. Most of them are, but most of them will lead you to a place in which you feel shameful, you feel wrong, you feel dirty, you feel disgusting, you feel unworthy, you feel unlovable. Those thoughts will haunt you and destroy you, and most of them are not even true.

Speaker 1: 6:37

So the only way that I've learned to protect my mind and to learn the truth about me is to learn about what God says about me, and it's not all the things that I tell myself. And for some reason, the closer I get to God, the closer I get to me. I've realized that fighting life alone, trying to understand myself, trying to understand my future, is really challenging. It doesn't really work out well. My way never really turns out the way that I thought it should be. But understanding the grace that is given to me, understanding the forgiveness that is given to me, allows me to forgive myself, give myself grace for my hiccups and my failures and my setbacks, and to move on with confidence, knowing who I am, the truth about myself and what God calls me to be.