Imagine a world where you are bulletproof against people pleasing, confident in your decision-making, and in control of your life's trajectory. That's the world we're inviting you into. We are going to arm you with practical strategies to vanquish the manipulative nature of people pleasing and the weight of indecisiveness, emboldening you to confidently navigate both macro and micro decisions in your life.
We kick off with a candid discussion on the dynamics of male-female relationships and the inherent expectation for men to be the leaders of homes, sparking some intriguing revelations. Then we delve into the art of making big decisions - from the looming ones that weigh you down to the small everyday choices that define your life. We share practical examples, including my own struggle with indecisiveness and how setting a timer and committing to decisions has changed my life. We promise you this: By the end of this episode, you’ll be equipped with actionable advice on making decisions confidently and efficiently, leading to personal growth and a happier life. Tune in and let's take the first step towards becoming the decisive, confident individual you were meant to be.
Nathan Mansfield
Instagram: @nathanmansfield
Imagine a world where you are bulletproof against people pleasing, confident in your decision-making, and in control of your life's trajectory. That's the world we're inviting you into. We are going to arm you with practical strategies to vanquish the manipulative nature of people pleasing and the weight of indecisiveness, emboldening you to confidently navigate both macro and micro decisions in your life.
We kick off with a candid discussion on the dynamics of male-female relationships and the inherent expectation for men to be the leaders of homes, sparking some intriguing revelations. Then we delve into the art of making big decisions - from the looming ones that weigh you down to the small everyday choices that define your life. We share practical examples, including my own struggle with indecisiveness and how setting a timer and committing to decisions has changed my life. We promise you this: By the end of this episode, you’ll be equipped with actionable advice on making decisions confidently and efficiently, leading to personal growth and a happier life. Tune in and let's take the first step towards becoming the decisive, confident individual you were meant to be.
Nathan Mansfield
Instagram: @nathanmansfield
Here's how to make a decision without pissing anybody off. Just kidding, you're always gonna piss someone off, but the truth is that every day you make thousands of decisions and I wanna help you to navigate both big decisions and small decisions. Music when you live a life that people's approval of you or acceptance of you or love for you is so heavily influenced on your mind and your happiness. You tend to people please, and when you people please, what people don't realize about people pleasing is it's actually a form of manipulation. When I heard this for the first time, it was like such a such a mind blowing moment for me that, because I grew up in a house where, when you live in a volatile household like, where mom's always trying to like make peace and but she's doing too much to make peace and dad's extremely volatile and angry, like, so there's just this nasty, just back and forth of imbalance that's trying to be balanced. But it's not that I learned from my mom that it's just easier just to give people what they want, and the problem with this is that people pleasing is a form of manipulation. It's doing whatever everybody else wants to get people to approve of you and like you Instead of just being like well, I'm okay if they don't like my decision, I'm good. If they don't like me, I'm okay. If they don't approve of me, that's fine. Like, we've got to build the posture of like being okay, being bulletproof as ourself, not relying upon the validation, the approval or the love of other people, just trusting in ourselves that we make the right decisions. And if we don't, that's okay. We're going to slip up, make some bad decisions, that's okay. It's not going to be the end of the world, like, but we got to be okay and confident, just being who we are, with the decisions, with the thoughts, with the wants, the desires, the things that we want. We got to be okay wanting those things without Anything else that anybody has to say. When we do that, especially in relationship, it builds a lot of trust.
Speaker 1:Because when you look at the dynamic of a male female relationship, the woman wants you to be decisive, she wants you to make, if you like. I look at the amount of times that my wife asked me a question, realizing that she's actually Teeing me up to to make, for me to make the decision, and I sometimes I'm just like oh, what do you want, babe? Or like, what you know, what do you think about this? And she's not. She's not looking for me to Take her input. She's looking for me to be decisive and make the make the decision so that she can follow, like women.
Speaker 1:This is probably very Contradictory to societal BS right now, but women want to follow men. Men are Made to lead houses. I don't give a shit who doesn't like that statement. The truth is that men are meant to be leaders of homes and Women do innately want to follow you. They want, they want to trust your direction, they want you to take the authority. They want you to to draw the path.
Speaker 1:I believe that men were put on this earth to be protectors and providers and to lead families. That's what God did for us, and so a woman is looking to you for that Direction, for that decisiveness, to lead the family and to trust you in what you decide. So there there's macro decisiveness and micro decisiveness, like what are the big decisions that I need to make? The big looming decisions career change, marriage, all these big things right. And then there's the day-to-day like where are we gonna eat dinner? And there are different techniques in order to be decisive.
Speaker 1:If you are an indecisive man and you're struggling with this, which most most men are, there are some tips and techniques that I can give you that will help you with macro and micro. Let's start with the little things, the micro decisions. I Realized about four years ago how indecisive I was and how it was crippling me and the people around me. I didn't. I realized that it it wasn't good for anybody. Right, being indecisive put you in a gray area of Unknown, and unknown is a very terrible place to be, and I'll explain that a little bit later. But with micro decisions, with where we're going to eat, what time should we go to this thing, what you know, where should we do this weekend?
Speaker 1:What I like to do is give myself a time limit and to really get through this. I would say, okay, every small decision I have in the day, because you make thousands of decisions a day. Right, you probably don't realize how many you make, but you make a lot Every small decision I have to make. I'm gonna give myself a time limit of a limit of 30 seconds, 15 seconds, whatever it is, and then I just got to name something and then we do it. Right, there's no second guessing it once we do it, we just so set a timer.
Speaker 1:If there's like, hey, you're in a conversation with your wife, hey, babe, what are we gonna eat? Well, she's like you decide, you go. Okay, 15 seconds. Now the part about this is that if we decide that I'm gonna make the decision, that she can't complain, what's? I make this decision, right? So there's gotta be some contracts here that go okay, well, I'm gonna make the decision and you're gonna have to deal with it because you're not giving me any feedback, right? So if she wants you to make the decision, make the decision and then that's where you're gonna go, right. But the reality of this is that we got to give ourselves time. Let me, once you start timing yourself and how long it's taking you to make decisions. Or you're sitting in the I don't know forever, like, if you and your wife have this, just have this discussion of for 20, 30 minutes of what you're gonna eat, and you're back and forth and looking on your phone, like you. This is like that's a. That is a projection into how you're making other decisions, big decisions in your life, and it's crippling you. So Figure out the timer method, set a timer, 15 seconds, make the decision and then move on. Right, decision move, decision move.
Speaker 1:In the military, when we're on an operation, the commander doesn't have a lot of time to start Thinking about all the what ifs, like he's got a. He's got to really look into what happens if we go this direction versus this direction, or if we, if we drop a bomb here. Whatever the deal is right. But he can't sit in the indecision forever or people will get killed. Now, in our daily lives, our indecision is not killing people, but it is harming you and harming other people around you. So it's important that you make a decision and move quickly. The better you do that, the better your life will be.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about macro decisions, big decisions. Whether it's I wanted to get a new job, whether it's I want to get married, I have a friend that his his wife, is currently having an affair on him and he's Trying to decide whether to divorce her. What he should, he should, do in this situation, there are some big decisions that you need to make, and the big decisions are actually haunting you that you are not making. I Look at indecisiveness is this it's like putting a hundred pound sandbag on your back and walking down the road For an endless amount of miles, and so the longer you walk, the heavier the sandbag gets, and after you've carried the sandbag for a mile, it's substantially heavier than when you started, but when you're at two miles, it's even heavier. Five miles into carrying this hundred pound sandbag, it's now beginning to cripple your knees and your back. The indecision is a heavy weight and burden on your shoulder, and every time, the longer that you sit in this, the more painful it gets to you and the people around you.
Speaker 1:Okay, here's what I want you to do. I want you to write down the top three decisions, big decisions that you need to make that are looming, that you've been sitting on career change, whatever it is right down the top three. Then what I want you to do is, in the middle of the day, if you have the ability, and go out and walk a mile no headphones, no music, nothing, just you and you where you can think clearly. I like to do this in the sun because I believe that vitamin D from the sun gives us some sort of courage and ideation that allows us to be able to seek inside of us and find what we truly want. So go walk a mile midday in the sun. I do this every single day of my life and every time there's decisions, I write them down before I go on the walk and I say by the end of this walk, I need to make a decision and move forward on this one thing.
Speaker 1:So, for the big decisions in our lives, write them down, take a walk in the middle of the day, get some sun, think about it, no distractions, and allow your mind to just unfold and unravel. But what we have to really do when we're making decisions is give ourselves a timeline. If it's a pretty big decision, you may need to stretch that timeline out a little bit longer. But the most important thing is that you have a timeline to make the decision and execute it on that timeline or before. If you do this, it'll start to pull that weight off your shoulder. You start to have decisiveness and the decisions alone will begin to propel you in your life. You may.
Speaker 1:There's no such thing as a wrong decision. Okay, it's either there's a good decision or a better decision. Sometimes there is a decision that leads to adverse things, but regardless, in the adversity you learn something. So, like I, can make a big business mistake and maybe lose a substantial amount of money, but at the end of the day, I learned from that, and if I didn't do it now, I'd probably do it later on, and so I'm okay with just making that mistake and moving on, because at least I'm moving forward right. So we've got to learn to just make the decisions on a timeline, execute and move forward, and that will make you a lot more happy, successful and take the burden, the weight off your shoulders to be a better man. Well, there could actually be one type of bad decision.