Angel and May continue in their investigation of the missing object for Gander. More clues come to light as they observe the diverse local characters of the Bencubbin Area, leading to some unexpected outcomes for those close to Gander.
Angel and May is an audio-only podcast, produced by a not-for-profit group of community theatre supporters.
See more on our website: www.angelandmay.com
Please support us through our Patreon page as we have no other source of income.
Angel and May continue in their investigation of the missing object for Gander. More clues come to light as they observe the diverse local characters of the Bencubbin Area, leading to some unexpected outcomes for those close to Gander.
Angel and May is an audio-only podcast, produced by a not-for-profit group of community theatre supporters.
See more on our website: www.angelandmay.com
Please support us through our Patreon page as we have no other source of income.
LONGBONE
INT. OFFICE OF ANGEL AND MAY
(SHARROW, ALEX, )
SHARROW
How did you go?
ALEX
Contact made. It cost me some
cryptos, though. She wanted to play
dice.
SHARROW
With loaded dice?
ALEX
Of course. You know, playing a game
when you know for a fact that the
other side is cheating and going to
win is no fun at all. I think she
usually targets new people or
people who are drunk, but I was
only pretending.
SHARROW
What did you learn?
ALEX
She's definitely seen the sphere or
something similar.
SHARROW
Think she still has it?
ALEX
If she has, she'll probably be
getting rid of it very soon, and we
need to watch her movements.
SHARROW
Is it worth trying to befriend her
again?
ALEX
No. She's not the friendly type.
SHARROW
Then back to the old-fashioned
stalking then.
ALEX
Fun and games.
SHARROW
Speaking of fun and games, look at
my shoulder.
ALEX
That looks like a nasty bruise,
very painful. How did you get it?
SHARROW
How do you think, that wretched
plant of yours!
ALEX
I told you that it needs to imprint
on you.
SHARROW
Don't you think that this is
imprinting enough?
ALEX
ARAY-3 is a good girl, you just
need to make friends with her.
Don't you, 3? Don't you?
ARAY-3 IS
PURRING AGAIN.
SHARROW
I swear, the first payment we get,
we're getting rid of it.
ALEX
But-
SHARROW
It's a man-eating plant!
ALEX
Yes, but that's what makes her so
cool!
EXT. WIDMANSTATEN MARKETS
(CRABB, SHARROW, ZED, SUMMER, SUSAN)
CROWD NOISES.
CRABB
Beef kebabs! Finest beef kebabs!
SHARROW
Beef!
ZED
It's not beef. It's synthetic
tissue grown in Petri dishes and it
tastes like synthetic tissue grown
in Petri dishes.
SHARROW
I don't care, it's got to be better
than beetles. Now show me where you
saw that table.
ZED
Just down this alley.
SHARROW
Right. Excuse me sir, I just need
to cross... this alley stinks like
piss.
ZED
It is piss. People have to pay to
use the lavatory here, so a lot of
people just go in corners out of
the way to save money. Watch your
step.
SHARROW
Eww.
ZED
Here it is.
SHARROW
Neon yellow, how attractive.
ZED
You don't want it?
SHARROW
No, no... beggars can't be
choosers. Give me a hand.
ZED
Hup. Back into the crowd.
SHARROW
Excuse me... excuse me... watch it
will you?
SUMMER
Get out of the way.
SHARROW
Get out of my way. ZED, go that
way. Urg, this is heavy. ALEX is
the one who does the heavy lifting.
SUSAN
Breath... let me breathe... oxygen
credits, please...
SHARROW
ZED!
THERE IS A THUD
AS ZED DROPS THE
TABLE.
ZED
Here. How are you keeping yourself?
SUSAN
Fine, fine...
The SUSAN wanders back into the crowd, and ZED picks the
table back up.
SHARROW
It almost landed on my foot.
ZED
Sorry.
SHARROW
Why did you drop it like that?
ZED
I said I'm sorry.
SHARROW
Fine, whatever. We're almost there.
INT. OFFICE OF ANGEL AND MAY
(ZED, SHARROW, ALEX)
ARAY-3 SNAPPING.
ZED
Down, ARAY-3! Down.
THUD AS THEY SET
THE TABLE DOWN.
THE SNAPPING
DIES AWAY.
ZED
You need to imprint on it properly.
SHARROW
Screw that! I'm not going anywhere
near that monstrosity!
ZED
It's up to you.
SHARROW
Push the table over here. Set the
computer on it. Let me go into the
backroom, see if I can find a box
to sit on. ZED, I need to start
making a list of everyone in the
ROYAL CHERRY BLUES and the
RETROGRADE INN staff that have
contact with a baby.
ZED
A baby? Why a baby?
SHARROW
It's for a case.
ZED
None of us in the CHERRY BLUES have
kids. Most of us are kids.
SHARROW
But there'd be members who've left,
started families of their own.
Would they keep in contact?
ZED
I guess.
SHARROW
Do you remember anyone?
ZED
I remember NANAO meeting that
electrical engineer and eloping
with him. But she left the asteroid
and hasn't been back. MICHAEL moved
out of the barracks and in with
this black-haired chick. MACY
hooked up with a man called GREY.
Hum. I'm going to have to look at
the database.
SHARROW
So you'll need to go back to the
barracks for that? How long do you
think you'll be there?
ZED
I don't need to go anywhere. All I
need is this computer.
SHARROW
You'll hack into your own database?
ZED
Why not?
SHARROW
Strikes me as unorthodox.
ZED
It's my database and I'll hack into
it if I want to.
SHARROW
Okay then.
CLICK OF KEYS AS
ZED HAPPILY
TYPES AWAY.
SHARROW
What screen is that you've got up?
ZED
Would you please not look over my
shoulder? It's very distracting.
SHARROW
Fine, fine.
PAUSE. TAPPING
OF KEYS.
SHARROW
Do you know that strange beggar
girl? The deformed one?
ZED
Yes.
SHARROW
I wonder what her story is. She
looks so strange.
ZED
She's royalty.
SHARROW
Royalty?
ZED
Yes. She's the PRINCESS of Europa.
SHARROW
Europa? Jupiter's moon?
ZED
Yes.
SHARROW
If she's royalty, how did she end
up here?
ZED
It was Jupiter's gravity. That's
what it all comes down to. Europa
was the first of Jupiter's moons to
be colonised. What they didn't
expect were the effects of
Jupiter's gravity. It lengthened
bones and twisted them. It twisted
all their equipment. It went into
their skulls and affected their
brains. The PRINCESS' father went
mad, proclaimed himself the king of
Jupiter, and his daughters
princesses of Europa.
SHARROW
That's... interesting. How did she
end up here, and a beggar?
ZED
Jupiter's gravity again. The
PRINCESS had taken a sled away from
the main colony. She turned back in
time to see a massive crack across
the ice. It slipped open underneath
the colony and swallowed it, whole,
and slammed shut again. And that
was that. No more colony. She was
all alone in the dark and ice, with
Jupiter falling in the sky above
her. Someone did eventually come,
but by then she'd been in the dark
so long that she'd gone mad
herself. And eventually, she ended
up here on the asteroid. She's the
loneliest PRINCESS in the entire
solar system.
SHARROW
That's a bizarre story. But very
sad.
ZED
Yes, it is. Here we are. In.
SHARROW
What is this?
ZED
I wish you wouldn't lean over my
shoulder.
SHARROW
Learn to cope. Okay. And the sum
total of ROYAL CHERRY BLUE ex
member offspring newborns is...
zero.
The youngest is a three-year-old
who's off world. Great. How about
members with young relatives?
ZED
Again, none.
SHARROW
Well, that's a brick wall.
DOOR OPENS. ALEX
COMES IN.
ALEX
Hi honey, I'm home.
SHARROW
How was your day, dear?
ALEX
I found a couple of chairs!
SHARROW
My god, they're hideous.
ALEX
They'll go well with this table. I
think it might be uglier than the
chairs.
SHARROW
I did find some boxes in the
backroom.
ALEX
What's in them?
SHARROW
The one I opened? Wigs.
ALEX
Wigs?
SHARROW
Wigs. All different colours.
ALEX
Give us a look. Wow. There's so
many of them. I wonder what's in
the other boxes?
SHARROW
I'm almost too frightened to look.
BOX OPENING
NOISE.
ALEX
Shoes! Platforms and high heels and
sandals, oh my.
SHARROW
They're huge. They have to be men's
sizes.
ALEX
SHARROW, I think we're in an ex
drag shop.
SHARROW
I think you're right. Well, it
could be worse. We could be in an
ex sex shop and looking at boxes of
dildos.
ALEX
The wigs might come in handy. Look
at this.
SHARROW
Barbarella!
ALEX
Do I make a good blonde?
SHARROW
Very attractive.
ALEX
This is good. The POPPETHEAD BAR
was dim, so MISSY JACK didn't see
my face clearly. I should be able
to follow her without her
recognising me.
SHARROW
Excellent. I think we're finally
getting somewhere. ZED? ZED?
ZED
What?
SHARROW
Could you please start the
diagnostic on the storage room's
security?
ZED
Will do. Nice hair, ALEX.
ALEX
I know.
SHARROW
ALEX, right now MISSY JACK isn't
our best lead, she's our only lead.
There are no Cherry Blues with
access to newborns, as far as we
can determine. They've all been
orphaned or abandoned by people
passing through the general area,
one way or another.
ALEX
How many people on the asteroid
have babies?
SHARROW
Several thousand, but not many live
in Bencubbin. They're mainly in the
higher-class levels. You have to be
able to afford a license to have
children here, although there's
nothing stopping you from having
them somewhere else and bringing
them here, and then dumping them.
And if you can afford a child
bearing license, surely you can
afford a place to sleep, instead of
breaking into a high security
storage area and making a nest out
of boxes.
ALEX
So back to stalking.
SHARROW
Afraid so.
ALEX
These wigs are definitely going to
come in handy, then.
SHARROW
Playing dress up is always fun.
INT. POPPETHEAD BAR
(ALEX, SHARROW)
BAR NOISES.
GLASS SMASHES
AND A DOZEN
DRUNKEN VOICES
SING OUT,
"TAXI!"
ALEX
SHARROW, can you hear me?
SHARROW
Loud and clear.
ALEX
I'm in the bar now. I see MISSY
JACK; she's playing dice with some
poor tourist.
SHARROW
Has she seen you?
ALEX
I don't think so. I'm a distance
away and the lights are dim. Plus,
I'm looking rather glamorous as a
redhead.
SHARROW
Indeed you are.
ALEX
I'm going to nurse a drink and wait
for JACK to finish. Sorry, I want
to be alone right now.
SHARROW
I'm sorry?
ALEX
I just got propositioned by the
ghost of Freddie Mercury. Fashions
in this place are an eyesore.
SHARROW
Oh, some of it isn't too bad.
Besides, if you spend your life in
mining overalls, I can understand
the urge to dress up when you're
off duty.
ALEX
There's no excuse for sequins if
you're not under the age of
fourteen.
SHARROW
I like sequins.
ALEX
You just never know about some
people. Ah, JACK's on the move.
Hold tight.
THE NOISE OF THE
BAR PEAKS, AND
THEN THERE IS
THE SOUND OF THE
DOOR. THE NOISE
OF THE
POPPETHEAD BAR
IS REPLACED BY
THE NOISE OF THE
MARKETPLACE.
INT. WIDMANSTATEN MARKETS
(ZHANG, BIANCHI, SUSAN, ALEX, SHARROW, JONES)
ZHANG
Grasshopper! Grasshopper stew made
fresh daily! Scarab kebabs!
Tarantula burgers, the best in the
ASTEROID! Grasshopper stew, made
from the finest of ingredients!
BIANCHI
Discount oxygen credits! Discount
oxygen credits! Oh hell, it's you.
Look, just go away will you. I'm
not giving you free credits, I'm
not a charity!
SUSAN
Please, please, I need them.
BIANCHI
A job is what you need.
ALEX
It's rather crowded, it's a bit
difficult to follow.
SHARROW
ALEX, she's our only lead, you have
to stay on her trail.
ALEX
I know. Excuse me, please.
JONES
Finest garments on sale today,
miss, have a look see. Wouldn't you
look just smashing in this dress!
ALEX
One, it's a dress, two, it's pink,
and three, I'm headed somewhere.
JONES
A quick look won't cost you any
time at all, miss.
ALEX
Get out of my way!
JONES GRUNTS AS
ALEX SHOULDERS
HIM ASIDE.
ALEX
Hell, where is she- there!
ALEX DIVES INTO
THE CROWD. CROWD
NOISES WITH
OCCASIONAL
VENDOURS CRYING
OUT THEIR WARES.
ALEX
Excuse me. Excuse me.
SHARROW
Do you still have her in sight?
ALEX
Yes. She's wearing this
unbelievably tacky orange coat,
it's making things a lot easier for
me.
CROWD NOISES
BEGIN TO THIN
OUT.
ALEX
We're moving into the higher end,
to the shops.
SHARROW
Okay. I'm going silent until you
say you're done.
ALEX
She's heading to an... antique
store? Huh. Wouldn't have pegged
her as someone who likes the
classics. I'm going in.
DOOR NOISE.
INT. SINJIN'S ANTIQUE STORE
(ALEX, SINJIN, MISSY JACK)
In contrast to the MARKETPLACE, the ANTIQUE STORE is quiet,
with the ticking of several different clocks.
ALEX
I'm in the store. JACK has gone
straight to the counter. The guy
there is almost twice her height,
he's huge, he's close to seven feet
high, barrel chest, bright red
beard halfway down his chest. He's
let her behind the counter, and
he's bent down to kiss her. God,
these two really need to get a
room, they're all over each other.
(Louder and enthusiastically) Wow,
paper books, I haven't seen these
in ages! (whispers)I wish I had a
bucket of water to throw on them.
I'm going to raise the com's
sensitivity so you can hear them.
SOUND OF BRITTLE
PAPER PAGES
BEING TURNED AS
ALEX PRETENDS TO
BROWSE WHILE
SINJIN AND MISSY
JACK WHISPER
TOGETHER.
SINJIN
How did you do?
MISSY JACK
A double handful of cryptos and
some water credits.
SINJIN
Chicken feed.
MISSY JACK
I don't see you doing any better.
SINJIN
Excuse me miss, would you like some
help?
ALEX
I haven't seen paper books in so
long! Don't mind me, I'm happy.
SINJIN
Just be careful, some of them are
very fragile.
ALEX
Yes, I'll be careful.
MISSY JACK
This is a small-time scam. It'll
never bring anything but chicken
feed.
SINJIN
Fine, fine. I just think you could
do better.
MISSY JACK
Not like this I can't.
ALEX
Ooh, this stone is so pretty!
SINJIN
We need more. A lot more.
MISSY JACK
It's your own fault that you bet
the shop on a chess game,
especially given how badly you
play!
SINJIN
It was just bad luck that I lost.
MISSY JACK
Yeah, well, luck or not, now you
have to come up with the money to
buy out the guy who won, or you
lose the shop. How's the auction
planning going?
ALEX
Is this a real grandfather clock?
Here? In this asteroid? That's
amazing.
SINJIN
If you would only sell your ship.
MISSY JACK
Never ever happening.
SINJIN
It'd raise more than enough.
MISSY JACK
No. I'm not going to do it. I'll do
whatever else you want, but I'm not
going to do that.
SINJIN
(sighs and speaks to Alex) Here
miss, let me help you. Is there
anything in particular you're
after?
ALEX
Everything here is wonderful. Paper
books and grandfather clocks, it's
so unexpected.
SINJIN
You're new here?
ALEX
Yes, this is only my second week.
SINJIN
So you'll be staying long?
ALEX
Yes, I moved here.
SINJIN
Decorating your new home, then.
ALEX
Indeed.
SINJIN
That's wonderful! Tell you what,
I'll give you a special onetime
discount. Twenty percent off this
clock here.
ALEX
Ooh, that's wonderful! But to be
truthful, I want to go for a more
art house kind of theme. Abstracts
and so forth.
SINJIN
I have to admit that I don't have
much abstract stock on the floor
right now, but you may be
interested in a special auction we
have coming up. Here's a catalogue.
ALEX
This is lovely, this is.
SINJIN
Maybe we'll see you there?
ALEX
I think so! But can I see some of
these pieces now?
SINJIN
Sorry, but no. They're being
organised for display.
ALEX
That's a shame.
SINJIN
Anticipation makes the pleasure
more intense.
ALEX
True, true. Okay, well, if you
don't mind, can I keep the
catalogue?
SINJIN
Of course. You may take extra for
your friends if you like!
ALEX
Thank you so much! I have to head
home now, but I'll definitely be
back!
SINJIN
It was pleasure, truly a pleasure.
Please hurry back soon!
ALEX
Will do!
INT. OFFICE OF ANGEL AND MAY
(ALEX, SHARROW, ZED)
ALEX
Well, the sphere isn't in the
catalogue. That buggers that idea.
SHARROW
Maybe JOHN doesn't have it.
ALEX
Yes, but MISSY JACK knew exactly
what I was talking about in the
POPPETHEAD BAR.
SHARROW
Would she keep the sphere for
herself?
ALEX
Yes. No. Maybe. There's just no way
of knowing. I'd have to stalk MISSY
JACK for days to get that sort of a
feel for her, but in a place this
small, she'd catch me fairly
quickly.
SHARROW
The catalogue does say, "plus some
surprise items" after it lists
everything else.
That sounds to me like he's still
trying to scrounge up things to
sell.
ALEX
Yeah, it sounds like that to me.
SHARROW
ZED, is there any way you could get
access to SINJIN's computer
records?
ZED
Easy peasy.
SHARROW
How much longer have you got to go
on that diagnostic of the storage
room security?
ZED
That's running now. I'll have to
leave it overnight.
SHARROW
If you could start that now it
would be great.
ZED
Not right now. It's night, I have
to sleep sometime.
SHARROW
Night?
ZED
Yes, night. See?
ALEX
There's no sun to give us the time.
I had no idea what time it is.
SHARROW
Come to think of it, I'm tired and
I'm hungry.
ZED
I'm going now.
ALEX
Okay, good night.
SHARROW
Night.
DOOR NOISE.
ALEX
Time for us to get going too.
SHARROW
ALEX, no. Please sit down. We need
to talk.
ALEX
What's the matter?
SHARROW
I asked ZED if he could find her
for you. If he could find MARIA for
you.
ALEX
That's... that's okay. I know that
she's dead.
SHARROW
That's not it, ALEX. We couldn't
find her.
ALEX
Can't find her?
SHARROW
ZED couldn't find her anywhere. She
isn't in the obituaries, she isn't
in the funeral notices.
ALEX
Is she still alive?
SHARROW
There's no way of telling. She's
not in any of the nursery homes,
she doesn't rent or own property.
She's just vanished. All the
records follow her to about two
years after we were… taken, and
then she disappears.
ALEX
I see.
SHARROW
I'm sorry. I wish I had more for
you.
ALEX
It's okay. Really it is.
SHARROW
I'm so sorry.
ALEX
I thought that she would move on
and forget about me, that she got
old and died. But this strange
absence, it makes no sense. Did
something terrible happen to her?
Was she murdered? Was she
kidnapped? Did she die of cancer?
SHARROW
Oh, ALEX, I'm so sorry. You deserve
better.
ALEX
I have to find her. I have to know.
EXT. WIDMANSTATEN MARKETS
(ZED, MINER, ALEX)
A NOISY CROWD
CHEERS ON A
FIGHT.
ZED
Come on, you bastard. Come on if
you think you're tough enough.
MINER
Are you stupid, boy? I'll turn you
into a red smear on the ground.
ZED
Fine, let's go. Let's do it.
MINER
Your freak girlfriend has
disappeared. You come to her rescue
and now she's gone. She's not
staying around to watch you defend
her honour?
ZED
She's not a freak!
MINER
Freak boy with a freaky girlfriend.
ZED
You piece of shit!
ALEX
All right, okay, let's call it at
that.
ZED
It's none of your business.
MINER
Fuck off lady.
ALEX
I'm making it my business. Come on,
he's half your size. He's just a
kid.
MINER
If he's old enough to pick a fight
then he's old enough to be in one.
ZED
You bastard. You pushed her. You
pushed her so hard she fell.
ALEX
Pushed who?
ZED
The PRINCESS.
MINER
A PRINCESS? He calls that thing a
PRINCESS? Hah!
ALEX
Right, ZED, that's enough. You're
coming with me.
ZED
I can take him.
ALEX
ZED, he'll eat you alive and use
your bones to pick his teeth. We're
leaving, now.
MINER
That's it boy, run away.
ALEX
Oh for the love of-
SOUND OF SOMEONE
BEING PUNCHED
VERY HARD IN THE
FACE AND THEN
FALLING TO THE
GROUND.
ALEX
There, that will keep you. You
shouldn't pick fights with kids.
You want a challenge, you come and
see me.
THE MINER MOANS.
ALEX
ZED, we're going. Right now.
INT. OFFICE OF ANGEL AND MAY
(ZED, ALEX, SHARROW)
ZED
You shouldn't have interfered. It
wasn't your business.
ALEX
While you're here with us, you are
our business. And boy, all that
MINER would have needed to do was
hit you once and you would have
been out like a light. Brutes like
that hit hard as they can, hard
enough to break you, and are happy
to do it.
SHARROW
What's going on?
ALEX
ZED decided to defend the SUSAN'S
honour from a man twice his size.
ZED
I could have taken him.
ALEX
No, you couldn't have. Where are
you going?
ZED
I have to see her. I have to make
sure she's okay.
SHARROW
It's probably best that you lay low
right now. I'll go see if I can
find her.
ZED
Please, I just need to know that
she's okay.
SHARROW
Okay, back soon.
THE DOOR OPENS
AND SHUTS.
ZED
What? Why are you looking at me
like that?
ALEX
You're a decent lad, aren't you?
ZED
Decent? Not likely.
ALEX
If you say so. If you could start
in on trying to get into SINJIN'S
database now, that would be great.
ZED
Fine.
EXT. WIDMANSTATEN MARKETS
(SUSAN, SHARROW)
CROWD NOISES.
SUSAN
Breath of life… breathing… air in
your lungs…
SHARROW
Well, you seem like your usual
self. No bruises. Are you hungry?
SUSAN
All I need is the air that I
breathe.
SHARROW
Here, let me buy you a protein
stick.
SUSAN
Only oxygen sustains me.
SHARROW
But you're starving.
SUSAN
Oxygen credits, oxygen credits… I
need oxygen to live and breathe…
The SUSAN wanders away into the crowd.
SHARROW
She is mad. Completely bonkers.
Well, while I'm here I may as well
duck into the RETROGRADE INN and
check in with the GANDER.
INT. RETROGRADE INN
(GANDER, SHARROW)
BAR NOISES.
GANDER
Here's trouble.
SHARROW
I am not. I'm always thoroughly
well behaved and ladylike. You're
thinking of ALEX.
GANDER
I think you're both nothing but
trouble.
SHARROW
You're one to talk.
GANDER
Indeed.
SHARROW
I'm just here to check in and let
you know what we're up to. The hair
that we found was very fine like
baby hair, it wasn't normal adult
hair at all. We asked ZED and if
any of the ROYAL BLUES had babies
and he said no.
GANDER
As a general rule, we don't take
children younger than eight. That's
not to say that none are dumped
here. We usually foster them out to
the DIRKSON LANES crew.
SHARROW
DIRKSON LANES? You mean the organic
produce sector?
GANDER
That's right.
SHARROW
We haven't visited there yet.
GANDER
You should. It's very pretty.
SHARROW
And they take children?
GANDER
There's a couple who own a shelf
there.
They love children, they take all
our fosters and complain when we
want them back. REMY and ANNA. They
say that a house isn't a home
without children.
SHARROW
They sound like good people.
GANDER
They're better than this wretched
world deserves. They're the
disgusting type that make you feel
guilty about being a misanthrope.
SHARROW
Back to the subject at hand. Baby
hair; can you think of any sources
of it?
GANDER
None. No one in the RETROGRADE has
babies, and there are none in the
CHERRY BLUES.
SHARROW
So, the hair is definitely
important. Well, we may know who
has the sphere, but still no idea
of how they got their hands on it.
MISSY JACK and an antiques trader
called SINJIN.
GANDER
SINJIN! MISSY JACK I'm not
surprised, she's a scam artist and
thief, but SINJIN I'd definitely
think better of.
SHARROW
You know him?
GANDER
He runs an antique store and is
renowned for being an enthusiastic
and abysmal chess player. He's not
exactly on the straight and narrow,
but I wouldn't have thought he'd
associate with the likes of MISSY
JACK.
SHARROW
More than associate; ALEX was in
the shop and saw them making out.
GANDER
Well, I guess you never know with
some people. Did ALEX see the
sphere?
SHARROW
No. ALEX was undercover pretending
to be a naïve newcomer to the
asteroid, and saw MISSY JACK
recognise the sphere when ALEX
described it. And get this: JOHN
made a bad bet on a chess game and
lost. Now he has to either raise a
large amount of cash or hand over
ownership of his shop. He's holding
a grand auction.
GANDER
Do you think he'll try to sell the
sphere then?
SHARROW
It's possible. The sphere wasn't in
the auction catalogue that I saw,
but that doesn't mean it won't be
there.
GANDER
So where does that leave me?
SHARROW
Well, we've got several options.
One, ALEX and I can try to steal
the sphere back. Two, we can
confront JACK and JOHN directly.
Three, we could to the auction
ourselves and either buy it back or
block the sale of it to anyone
else.
GANDER
One sounds fun.
SHARROW
Problem is, ALEX and I are still a
ways away from a good understanding
of the security systems here on the
asteroid. We can try, but I don't
like our chances.
GANDER
Damn.
SHARROW
And if we confront them, our only
proof would be ALEX'S word on MISSY
JACK'S changing facial expression
in a darkened pub.
GANDER
Leaving us with option three,
attending the auction.
SHARROW
I'm afraid so.
GANDER
What did ZED say about the broken
security system in the storage
room?
SHARROW
He said that there were no
indications that the security
system has been interfered with in
any way.
GANDER
That is not right.
SHARROW
This is what he told us.
GANDER
Of course the security system has
been tampered with! There was
someone sleeping in there for
fuck's sake!
SHARROW
Maybe a second opinion?
GANDER
Definitely. I'll have the ROYAL
BLUE'S head computer engineer look
at it.
SHARROW
Sounds like a good idea. And the
auction? What is our next step?
GANDER
I want you and ALEX to go.
SHARROW
Will do. I have to get back to the
office now. See you soon.
INT. OFFICE OF ANGEL AND MAY
(ZED, SHARROW, ALEX)
ZED
How was she? Is she okay?
SHARROW
She's fine. Not a bruise in sight.
I offered her some food and she
ignored it.
ZED
She never eats.
SHARROW
She certainly doesn't look like she
does. Where's ALEX?
ZED
Backroom.
SHARROW
ALEX aaaaah!
ARAY-3'S TRAPS
ARE SNAPPING.
ALEX ENTERS THE
ROOM.
ALEX
What's the matter? I heard screams.
SHARROW
It keeps trying to eat me!
ALEX
I told you that you have to imprint
on it.
SHARROW
I'm not going to touch that thing.
Not now, not ever.
ALEX
All you need to do it touch it,
just once.
SHARROW
I've already bled for it. I draw
the line at touching it.
ALEX
Why are you being so stubborn?
SHARROW
Because it's a man-eating
abomination!
ALEX
It's a miracle of genetic
engineering, and it's our security
system.
SHARROW
Just hold it off until I can pass
by.
ALEX
Fine, fine.
ARAY-3'S TRAPS
SNAP OPEN AND
SHUT.
SHARROW
Have you opened anymore of those
boxes?
ALEX
A couple. One was full of false
eyelashes.
SHARROW
An entire boxful of false
eyelashes?
ALEX
Don't believe me, come and see.
DOOR SHUTS
BEHIND THEM.
SHARROW
I went and saw the GANDER and told
her what was going on.
ALEX
You told her that ZED found nothing
wrong with the security in the
storage room?
SHARROW
She said that she'd put the head
engineer on it.
ALEX
And the auction?
SHARROW
GANDER wants us to go.
ALEX
Then we must prepare to attend.
SHARROW
Exciting.
ALEX
Check out this box; it's full of
scarves.
SHARROW
It's like we got some ready-made
props along with the office.
ALEX
For once, something is going our
way. Even if it's just some wigs
and scarves.
INT. GABBETT AUCTIONS
(SHARROW, ALEX, SINJIN)
LOW MURMUR OF A
GENTILE CROWD.
SHARROW
That is a lovely gown you're
wearing.
ALEX
I hate dresses. I hate skirts.
SHARROW
Well, that one actually suits you.
And it's understated and elegant.
ALEX
There's no place to put my gun.
SHARROW
You don't have a gun. We still
can't afford them, remember?
ALEX
Don't remind me.
SHARROW
At least the wine's good.
ALEX
I don't like wine.
SHARROW
But you're drinking it anyway.
ALEX
It's free alcohol and I'm taking
it.
SHARROW
You always were the pragmatic one.
SINJIN
Ladies, ladies… so wonderful to see
you both.
ALEX
Thank you for inviting us.
SINJIN
It's a pleasure to have you. Is
there anything in particular you've
got your eye on?
SHARROW
Oh, it's all so lovely, it's so
hard to choose.
SINJIN
There's something for everyone, I
promise.
ALEX
Maybe something abstract, and in
purple.
SINJIN
I do believe we can cater. We have
several lovely canvases and
sculptures in purple. If you'd care
to approach the display table up
front...
SHARROW
How nice!
ALEX
Lovely.
SINJIN
Please let me know if you have any
questions. In the meantime, if
you'll excuse me, I must mingle.
SHARROW
Found it. A metallic purple sphere,
shot through with lights like
stars. Just as described and the
perfect match to the columns.
ALEX
Time for us to leave and tell
GANDER.
SHARROW
Unless...
ALEX
Unless what?
SHARROW
We go ahead and try to steal it. If
we get caught we'll be turned over
to the CHERRY BLUES, who'll take
the sphere anyway.
ALEX
SHARROW, sometimes I love the way
you think.
SHARROW
I know.
ALEX
Look at that! People are picking
things up off the display table and
passing them around.
SHARROW
We need to wait for someone to pick
up the sphere and then we can
intercept it. If we take it
directly from the display table we
might be noticed.
ALEX
Let's drift to the table and fondle
something to blend in.
SHARROW
What a lovely painting! It'll look
perfect over the lounge.
ALEX
I'm not sure I like it. How about
this one?
SHARROW
No, no, the colours will clash.
Look, the sphere is on the move!
ALEX
Keep looking at the table, I'm
going to hover over there and make
a grab for it!
SHARROW
Works for me.
ALEX
Oh, excuse me miss, I didn't mean
to bump into you... why that's a
lovely little piece! May I see it?
SHARROW
And there the sphere goes, into her
evening bag. Smooth.
ALEX
Got it.
SHARROW
Excellent. Let's wait a few minutes
and leave separately. Meet you at
the RETROGRADE INN!
INT. RETROGRADE INN MAIN BAR
(GANDER, SHARROW, ALEX, RUDI)
GANDER
Yes, this is it. Pretty little
thing and as far as anyone can
tell, completely useless.
SHARROW
A great man once said, "All art is
quite useless".
GANDER
I'd debate that, but anyway.
SHARROW
It was strange how we were able to
walk straight out with it.
GANDER
Usually at these things the objects
are coated with a membrane that
triggers an alarm system if they
leave a defined space. I wonder if
the membrane didn't take for some
reason.
ALEX
About our fee...
GANDER
You've worked off a quarter of the
cost of your office space.
SHARROW
I guess we can't argue with that.
Hello, RUDI.
ALEX
Evening.
RUDI
I'm just on my way out. I need to
talk to ZED.
ALEX
The last of the loose ends. We'll
join you
INT. OFFICE OF ANGEL AND MAY
(RUDI, ZED, SHARROW, ALEX)
ARAY-3 SNAPS
BRIEFLY.
RUDI
ZED, it's time we talked.
ZED
What's wrong?
RUDI
We know it was you who messed with
the security systems in the storage
room.
ZED
That's bullshit. It wasn't me.
RUDI
It had to be you. No one else could
have done it. If we hadn't asked
the head computer engineer look
over your work and just trusted
your word on it, we'd have never
known.
ZED
Prove it.
RUDI
Here's a readout. This is where you
switched off the cameras and put
the detector systems on a loop. And
this is where you didn't log off
properly and started surfing the
internet while you were still
patched into the security program.
ZED
Yeah, okay, it was me. What's the
problem?
RUDI
You've broken our trust in you.
ZED
So what? You never give me any
credit for what I do. The head
engineer pats me on the head
whenever I give him an idea, and
sends me away. I'm a better
programmer than all the ROYAL BLUES
combined and I still get treated
like some jumped up script kiddie.
I'm good at what I do!
RUDI
And you still got caught. Because
you were careless and didn't finish
your work properly.
SHARROW
I think your heart is in the right
place, ZED. It's not like you did
it for fun. You did it for her.
Your SUSAN needed somewhere to
sleep, didn't she? And the storage
room is clean and safe and dry and
you can make a comfortable bed with
what you find in there.
RUDI
SUSAN? Who's that?
SHARROW
The beggar girl. The twisted one.
RUDI
That strange girl who's always
begging for oxygen credits? We
offered our help and she turned it
down.
ZED
It's because you wanted to fix her.
RUDI
What?
ZED
She turned you down because you
wanted to fix her, like there is
something wrong with her. You would
have made her change her clothes
and eat, and take chemicals to mess
up her brain so she's normal enough
to be good enough for you. She
wants to be free. She wants to be
herself. She wants to forage and
find her own food.
SHARROW
She never eats, even when it's
offered to her, and that makes her
anorexic. And people who are
anorexic will grow lanugo; fine,
soft hair all over their bodies.
The metal sail she used as a
blanket caught some lanugo in the
folds, and that's what we found. We
were chasing our tails because we
thought it was hair from a baby.
ZED
There's nothing wrong with her.
She's the way she's supposed to be.
SHARROW
Why did she take the sphere?
ZED
It was pretty.
RUDI
That's it? She wasn't planning to
sell it or exchange it?
ZED
She took it because it was pretty
and wanted to keep it.
SHARROW
Then how did MISSY JACK get her
hands on it?
ZED
MISSY JACK saw the PRINCESS with
the sphere and wanted it, so she
took it.
SHARROW
So first the PRINCESS stole it and
then it was stolen from her.
RUDI
ZED, we can't overlook this. We
can't overlook you messing with the
security systems. We can't overlook
you facilitating theft. We can't
overlook any of this.
ZED
What now, then?
RUDI
Your membership with the ROYAL
CHERRY BLUES is suspended. You are
no longer allowed in the Barracks.
You must collect your things and
leave.
ZED
Things? What things? I have nothing
but what you've given me, and
you've given me fuck all. My
blankets and mess plate and cup.
RUDI
We've given you an education and a
place to sleep.
ZED
And I worked for it. I worked for
you.
RUDI
And if you hadn't, you would have
been homeless.
(Pause.)
ZED
Where am I supposed to go?
RUDI
That's up to you.
SHARROW
We may be able to help. We have a
spare room in our office, and a
need for a really good tech person.
ZED
Will you pay me?
SHARROW
We can pay for your food.
ZED
That's next to nothing.
SHARROW
But it's better than nothing at
all. What other options do you
have, other than to join your SUSAN
on the street?
ZED
Yeah. Yeah, fine. I'll take you up
on your offer.
ALEX
And if you don't work hard, we'll
feed you to ARAY-3.
SHARROW
ALEX!
ALEX
But look at it this way: you can
have as many pairs of false
eyelashes and drag shoes as you
want.
END