Doily goes looking for a spare leg but gets a tie-wrap instead! Ghost, Slim, and Jacinta go out to play, with guns. Slim takes and fancy to a Beinbot and asks for a dance. You just know that damage will ensue.
Angel and May is an audio-only podcast, produced by a not-for-profit group of community theatre supporters.
See more on our website: www.angelandmay.com
Please support us through our Patreon page as we have no other source of income.
Doily goes looking for a spare leg but gets a tie-wrap instead! Ghost, Slim, and Jacinta go out to play, with guns. Slim takes and fancy to a Beinbot and asks for a dance. You just know that damage will ensue.
Angel and May is an audio-only podcast, produced by a not-for-profit group of community theatre supporters.
See more on our website: www.angelandmay.com
Please support us through our Patreon page as we have no other source of income.
S1 E10 - THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE ROBOTIC
BLEEPING THEN
GHOST VOICE
GHOST
Guys I been listening, that doesn't
sound very optimal.
DOILY
Sorry GHOST but you know about the
budget situation.
(Bleep and click as GHOST
goes quiet)
GHOST I've had an idea. Zed you
know those wigs, were there any
shoes in the back.
ZED
Yes loads couple of boxes all huge
sizes. Why?
DOILY
Well we need 50 mm right, would one
shoe with a heel be perfect.
ZED
Your a genius DOILY, we could cut
off one heel on the long leg, so
the tops of the shoes would match.
GHOST
Sounds positively perverted!
DOILY
Thats, why it perfect for you. Now
are you ready for the decant?
GHOST
Yes, I was born ready.
ZED
Ok, we're ready for AI
commissioning. Get the hoist CHEN
please, DOILY plug in the remote
and power cable. Stand back.
WHIRING SERVOS,
COMPUTER VOICE
SAY DIAGNOSTICS
BLA BLA ETC.
CHEN
GHOST You are aware of the Von
Neumann Rules I take it?
GHOST
Yes of course Mr CHEN
DOILY
The what rules?
CHEN
Von-Neumanns Tri-planetary
Agreements, these are a binding
interplanetary treatise to prevent
unsolicited replication of A.I.
beings.
DOILY
So when did they come in?
CHEN
Two years ago. It's to prevent
unlimited self replication. Uses
copy protect blockchain. It's a
real bitch.
DOILY
What does that mean to us
specifically?
CHEN
Well, basically it slows us down.
ZED
(*Talking over GHOST*)
It means that I will have to
transfer the AI's complete neural
network from your ship to the
avatar. No back-ups, no copies.
This avatar will hold the only
iteration of this AI and its data
banks. Oh and on top of that its
speed limited.
DOILY
GHOST are you familiar with this
issue?
GHOST
Yes I am DOILY, I must admit I am
nervous of having a single copy in
such a fragile sheathe, but I
really, really want to be with you
guys. Its time for me to grow wings
and I have thought about this for a
long time.
ZED
GHOST. CHEN and myself will take a
frozen state-vector, but if
anything happens, it means
potential memory loss and you know
how hard a re-integration is.
DOILY
OK thanks guys, thats good of you.
So GHOST, ZED, CHEN are we are
ready for this? How long should it
take?
GHOST
Long enough for you to find an
appropriately sized shoe amongst
the junk in that office I hope.
DOILY
OK, whilst your down I'm going to
pick out a spectacular shoe line
for you girl. You deserve it for
being so brave.
GHOST
I am as excited as my circuits will
allow, which in this case is one
above ten, i.e. eleven. Please
incept sheathe transfer protocols.
SOUND OF
FOOTSTEPS
LEAVING.
COMPUTER
BLEEPING
INT. QUARESMA TECHNICAL
(BEIN-BOT, DOILY)
SOUND OF
PRESSURE DOOR
AND TINKLE OF A
BELL
BEIN-BOT
Welcome to QUARESMA TECHNICAL. How
may we be of assistance today?
DOILY
Oh, I just made a purchase a few
hours ago and need to see if you
have a leg part I need in
Cybernetics.
BEIN-BOT
Cybernetics is third sub-level on
the right-hand side. Please note
that Sales-Bot Staff are currently
unavailable, I trust you can find
your way.
SOUND OF
WALKING, LIFT
ETC.
SOUND OF
CLANKING METAL
OF BIN BEING
SEARCHED.
DOILY
(*Puffing from exertion*)
Ugh. Nothing. Not a single leg with
the correct year. Hmm, I wonder
what they have out the back here.
SOUND OF
WALKING, METAL
DOOR CREAKING.
INT QUARESMA BACKROOM
(DOILY, GOON #2, MARKO)
SOUND OF LARGE
BANKS OF
COMPUTERS
WORKING -
DIGITAL SOUND
SLIGHT ECHO
EFFECT TO
EMULATE LARGE
SPACE.
DOILY
(*Being grabbed across the
mouth from behind mid
sentence and struggling*)
Holy Shit! What the. MMFF. MMFF.
SOUND OF MUFFLED
SWEARING FROM
DOILY IN THE
BACKGROUND.
GOON #2
(*increasing in volume to
yell*)
Boss! Boss! Boss!
SOUND OF 3 OR 4
PEOPLE RUNNING
IN BOOTS.
GOON #2
Ow, she bit me. Bitch!
DOILY
Let me go you amoeba brained shit!
(*Screams*)
SOUND OF A BODY
BOUNCING DOWN A
SET OF METAL
STAIRS. IMPACT
ON FLOOR.
BACKGROUND
SOUNDS OF DOILY:
SWEARING THEN
GAGGED.
MARKO
The chair, strap her to the chair.
Argh.
(A well placed kick
strikes home)
CHAIR DRAGGING
AND ZIP-TIES.
MARKO
Let's see what we have here. Feisty
little pixie bitch. Possibly quite
usable if we gave her a wash. Who
are you tinker-bell? Do you want to
go to Daddies whore house!
DOILY
(*Muffled* )
FUCK YOU!
MARKO
What a charming little lady. Boys
take off the gag… Hello.
DOILY
(*Angry Tirade*)
FUCK YOU! Let me go you infected
dogs pizzle!
SOUND OF HARD
SLAP
MARKO
Now then, Now then, lets make this
quick. Who the hell are you?
DOILY
I'm a friend of GANDER! She's a
friend of RUDY, and RUDY runs she
Cherries. They'll come for you and
you'll be sorry. Just wait, you'll
be real sorry. They're gonna
fucking kill you! Let me go!
MARKO
Oh gag her , I can't bare the
whining noise. I'll be back bitch.
DOILY
(Muffled)
They're gonna fucking kill you!
FOOTSTEPS AWAY,
DOOR SHUTTING
INT QUARESMA OFFICE
(MARKO, QUARESMA)
QUARESMA
I told you get rid of her! Let her
go! I can't have GANDER or the
regiment down here seeing us
working together, seeing what we're
doing!
MARKO
Look she knows were up to
something, we have to kill her, we
have no choice. How much bother
would that be Minerva? How
important is she really? She's
probably a barfly, just look at
her, I smell street kid through and
through. No, I think it's best she
is disposed of quickly and quietly.
QUARESMA
Here? No, No, we can't risk it. We
should let her go. Cut her as a
warning, then dump her.
MARKO
You know the alternative is to keep
her and find out who she is and how
close she is to GANDER's
operations. It's strange she turns
up at this time, don't you think? I
can then get out the tools and have
a play.
QUARESMA
God, you make me sick!
INT RETROGRADE INN
(GANDER, GHOST, SLIM, ZED)
SLIM
(Worried and urgent)
Look GANDER, I tell you DOILY's no
fool, that panic button is solid,
if it active She's definitely in
trouble. It may be miniaturised and
concealed in the Oxy-tab but we no
its solid. Now are you with me or
are you not. I going down there and
I'm requesting back up, and if your
not going to give it I'm going down
there with the Lassiter.
GANDER
Wow SLIM Hold your horses I'm
behind you fully on this, of
course, but she down in QUERESMA's.
Were going to need more than your
Lassiter. Let me call RUDI and also
get some regimental support. I will
get Jacinta and open up the armoury
for something really solid.
BLEEP OF
COMMUNICATOR
JACINTA, got an INDIGO BLUE
immediate effect, can you pick up
the 'Persuader' and help SLIM out.
Make it quick DOILY's in trouble.
Were in the main bar.
SOUND OF RUNNING
FOOTSTEPS AND
CLIP-CLOP OF
GHOST'S UNEVEN
WALK. DOOR BEING
FLUNG OPEN
GHOST
What's happening, whats happening.
ZED
Gander! Gander! GHOST stop!
SLIM
She ain't here son. GHOST hold on,
we know, were going to help. Stop!
ZED
DOILY's in trouble!
SLIM
We know, her bracelets screaming.
GHOST
My human friends I am experiencing
extreme dissonance. Can you help
me. I need to break something.
BARSTOOL BEING
KNOCKED OVER
SLIM
There you go gurl. Feeling better?
GHOST
No, not much, not really!
SLIM
Well thats what its like to be
human, my friend. Now I'm going to
tell you something about us humans
see. You don't know this but there
are some humans who don't think the
way GANDER, RUDI, old DOILY think,
in fact they don't have feelings at
all. These 'people' look like
normal people, but inside they
empty, they can't feel at all. On
the surface their all smiles, but
then in private they kill without
compunction. They see other folks
as human capital, pieces on a chess
board to be taken and snubbed out.
So you need to watch out for these
types of humans, I have a feeling
you going to meet some in the next
hour. You see this place, and these
people. Well we've been fighting
them for years, thats what we do.
This place is a small beacon of
hope in the darkness of the
Bencubbin. So, GHOST thats why I
sit at this bar night after night,
and thats why I'll go into action
without hesitation. Why its these
situations that define your
humanity, not an avatar body. When
all is said and done its about
love, love for this place and these
people. So, these squirmy feelings
your getting just means you're
human after all. So whats going to
happen, is that you, me and Jacinta
here, we're going down there and
we'll get DOILY back come hell or
high water.
GHOST
OH, thank you SLIM, I don't fully
understand, but I will be there.
There is something I have to do. I
will see you at QUERESMA's shop in
ten minutes.
SOUND OF GUNS
BEING HOLSTERED.
SLIM
OK partner, make it quick you don't
be late to this party. ZED, look
stay here, this isn't your kind of
gig.
ZED
But I want to help!
SLIM
Look, this is how you help OK, we
need liaison until RUDI gets in and
can fire up the C&C. Its the best
way you can help, believe me.
ZED
OK, if you say, but SLIM.
SLIM
Yep.
ZED
Give them a real arse kicking,
won't you.
SLIM
Sure thing kid!
SOUND OF RUNNING
INTO THE STREET.
EXT ELECTRIC SOUK
(GHOST, JACINTA, SLIM)
SOUNDS OF
MARKETPLACE,
SPRUIKERS,
CROWDS
SLIM
GHOST, over here!
GHOST
I detect that is the building from
which the panic signal is
transmitting.
My thermo-imaging scans detect 23
potential hostiles. 15 humanoid
bots and 8 humans. DOILY is moving
and appears to be held in a ground
level room at the rear of the
building.
SLIM
Much obliged partner, so, this is
where I leave you two. JACINTA you
be ready to take out the back wall
and distract them on my mark.
JACINTA
Pleasure SLIM, can I pick off any
that come out?
SLIM
Well if they are in black, pick
away, if there in white then hold
off a second, then pick away. White
are usually the goodies!
JACINTA
What.
SLIM
Only kidding, have a go at all the
bastards. Now I'm going in guns a
blazing cos I lets face it am a
dancer, and a dancer likes to
dance, right. Besides there's no
point down here if you not going to
Tango. GHOST hang back, there's no
need for you to mess up that pretty
new shell of yours.
GHOST
This shell was designed with a
secondary function as security bot,
I may be of some use to you
considering the number of potential
hostiles.
SLIM
With that limp? I don't think so,
they'll hear you coming from fifty
meters. So do you think you could
give me status info with a comm
link using you amazing eyesight?
GHOST
Affirmative, I can relay relevant
directions and hostile movements. I
think at moments like this it is
customary to say 'Good Luck'.
SLIM
Ain't no luck involved, partner!
INT QUARESMA TECHNICAL
(BEIN-BOT, GHOST, SLIM)
(Sound of pressure doors
and welcome bell)
BEIN-BOT
Welcome to QUARESMA TECHNICAL. We
require all weapons to be checked
in on entry. How may we be of
assistance today?
SLIM
Just looking for a dance, do you
Tango my plastic friend?
BEIN-BOT
I am afraid I am not programmed
with dance functions, my interface
with humans is purely verbal.
Please I detect weaponry, they will
need to be checked in.
GHOST
(On communication link)
Straight ahead SLIM, DOILY is on
your level. There are 9 potential
hostiles between you and the back
of the facility.
SOUND OF
WALKING,
WHIRRING IF THE
WELCOME-BOT
FOLLOWING.
BEIN-BOT
Sir, stop. This store is not an
open-carry area, you must surrender
your weapons.
SLIM
Oh I'm going to check these in
buddy!
GHOST
Fast approaching team of 6 is
moving towards you on your level.
Movement of two on the mezzanine
level above that will have clear
line of sight.
SLIM
(*Low voice to GHOST*)
I see them, six on ground level and
two men upstairs. OK time to dance.
BEIN-BOT
Sir, this is your final warning.
Please surrender your weapons or
security protocols will be
initiated.
SLIM
From my cold dead hands!
SOUND OF SLIMS
GUNS BEING
UNHOLSTERED AND
BLASTING AROUND
THE PLACE.
PROJECTILE
WEAPONS
RETURNING FIRE.
SECURITY KLAXON
GOING OFF – PA
VOICE ANNOUNCING
"ARMED INTRUDER"
REPEATEDLY
HIGH-PITCHED
SCREAM OF
WELCOME BOT THAT
HAS BEEN SHOT.
PAUSE FROM
BARRAGE OF
BULLETS, SCREAM
SILENCED BY A
SINGLE SHOT FROM
SLIM'S LASER.
KLAXON AND PA
GETTING QUIETER
EACH TIME SLIM
SHOOTS A
SPEAKER.
GHOST
Audio on the comms indicates a
degree of consternation.
LARGE EXPLOSION
FROM REAR OF
BUILDING
INT QUARESMA BACKROOM
(DOILY, GHOST, GOON #2, MARKO, QUARESMA)
SOUND OF LARGE
BANKS OF
COMPUTERS
WORKING -
DIGITAL SOUND
SLIGHT ECHO
EFFECT TO
EMULATE LARGE
SPACE.
DISTANT SOUNDS
OF GUNFIRE -
SECURITY KLAXON
GOING OFF – PA
VOICE ANNOUNCING
"ARMED INTRUDER"
REPEATEDLY
MARKO
What's this, what have you done.
LOUD SLAP
DOILY
Ugh. I told you, they're going to
fucking kill you. The regiment is
going to take your god-damned heads
off.
MARKO
(*barking orders*)
Seal those doors. Vaporise anything
that comes through them.
GOON #2
Boss its not the regiment, it's
some old cowboy guy.
DOILY
SLIM you beautiful bastard!
MARKO
What, some old guy? By himself?
What does he think he is 'the
terminator' or something?
GOON #2
Sir he says he wants to dance.
MARKO
What the fuck, kill him.
SOUND OF HIGH
HEELS RUNNING
INTO THE ROOM
MARKO
QUARESMA I highly recommend you
vacate the premises immediately.
It's no longer safe for you here we
have an incursion.
QUARESMA
Oh my god you idiot. You've
destroyed my business, my store,
everything! I knew you were bad
news from the beginning. You've
turned this whole place into a
bloody war zone. I told you to let
her go!
MARKO
Well, I can't do that now, can I.
Looks like the old bastard cowboy
is on a mission.
SOUND OF
EXPLOSION AND
RUBBLE FLYING.
SOUND OF GHOST
HOBBLING INTO
THE ROOM.
DOILY
Oh GHOST is that really you? Oh my
god you're beautiful!
CLICK OF
REVOLVER
MARKO
Stop! Stop right there or the pixie
chick, gets one through the head.
GHOST
Sir. I am currently filled with D23
underarm, plus a kicker, RCBS
style. Now I know you have not a
clue what I'm talking about, but
lets just say, I bring real shit
storm of pain, and its two meters
away from your face. So, I
reiterate, any attempt to harm her
will result in something even the
best surgeon will not be able to
put back together. Now I'm a
twitchy A.I. With a dodgy decant
from that girl friend over there,
do you really, really, really want
to argue with me?
DOILY
Oh my god GHOST, a couple of hours
in a sheath and you're an explosive
chick with a serious attitude
issue, and you've come to the party
with a good looking cowboy. I'm
thinking I got competition!
END