Angel and May with the help of the Cherries have to capture antler clad Xenomorphs whilst dressed as Elves. Neither party is entirely happy.
Angel and May is an audio-only podcast, produced by a not-for-profit group of community theatre supporters.
See more on our website: www.angelandmay.com
Please support us through our Patreon page as we have no other source of income.
Angel and May with the help of the Cherries have to capture antler clad Xenomorphs whilst dressed as Elves. Neither party is entirely happy.
Angel and May is an audio-only podcast, produced by a not-for-profit group of community theatre supporters.
See more on our website: www.angelandmay.com
Please support us through our Patreon page as we have no other source of income.
A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE
INT. RETROGRADE C&C
(ALEX, BOY, CALVIN, CHEN, GANDER, JACINTA, RUDI, SHARROW)
RUDI
Now that is actually an interesting
idea, We could enter several
electro cyber trucks each under the
Retrograde and other business
names, and go in all legit and well
have XMAS sparkle! Yes that is
actually a very good suggestion
SHARROW. OK folks, lets work the
angles on that and any other idea's
and see if We can bring some
Christmas cheer to the parade.
Some hours later.
SHARROW
I'm thirsty any drinks around here?
GANDER
Thats a great idea, I'll get the
Chef to knock up some sandwiches
and drinks and get them delivered
to C&C.
SHARROW
Thanks GANDER!
SOUND OF GANDER
ON COMMS TO
KITCHEN
RUDI
So lets summarise the operation.
Sergeant if you could outline your
best idea please.
CALVIN
Yes Marm, well We think that
SHARROWs idea is the best because
it allow a considerable amount of
equipment to be brought in and
taken out without any suspicion.
The general chaos during the
Christmas parade plus the number of
people will provide good cover. We
hire two cyber trucks with half
length containers, We decorate them
with the normal Christmas
accoutrements. One of the
containers will have pneumatically
operated doors.
They flick open and inside are four
flight wing eagle hawks. We have
modify some ejector seat mechanisms
to shoot them out to a few hundred
feet. The other truck contains an
XMAS sleigh to be used for
collection after intercept. The
container on the second truck, will
house local command. Exfiltration
strategy is that both trucks
continue on in the parade
eventually ending with the period
and returning via normal channels.
Front line operations land on the
roof of a safe house, several
kilometres away from the parade.
RUDI
Very good Sergeant. Thank you.
Major can you run through the air
wing deployment and collection
please.
BOY
Yes of course Marm. We plan to
significantly down grade the
PAPERet boosters used on ejector
seat mechanism so that they have a
longer but slower burn. The Eagle
Hawk wing set will deploy using
poles which swivel to the upright
position. They are stored
horizontally but rotate as soon as
the top doors open. Chen will work
with the Cherries engineering team
to construct the mechanism. We see
this as being on the critical path
as there is considerable work to be
done in this area. Fireworks will
be deployed at the exact moment of
the wing deployment to make the
whole think look like a fantastical
XMAS display. BANGER disguised as a
sleigh, launches at the same time
using similar Rockets but once
airborne micro jets take over.
Serge, CALVIN has kindly offered to
play the part of father XMAS. Eagle
Hawks will get baring, range and
position using the Hawkeye RADAR
with support from BANGER.
RUDI
Oh I see, well done Sargent. Thank
you major. Now Jacinta can you
report on interception please.
JACINTA
Yes Marm. Well the big issue is the
micro bleves and the nets or ropes,
they would have to be fireproof, We
can't use steel wire as its too
heavy, and carbon fibre or long
chain poly are both out as they are
affected by flame. Given the
potential speed and aggression of
'the Bandits', We have decided on a
flechette, which could be set to
knockout, or lethal, depending on
the Tactical Action Officers
decision. The plan is that 'One
Flight' paints the targets, 'Two
Flight' operates the gun, whilst
Three and 'Four Flight' deploy
'Thaleen' nets. 'One Flight' and
'Two Flight' can assist lift
operations once catchment is
achieved. We deliver to the roof
top where clean up is waiting.
RUDI
Well Its a high risk operation but
We don't have time to mess around.
So I say We assess Go/No/Go status.
Deployment for T+24 lets go around
the room. Flight.
JACINTA
Go Marm.
RUDI
Infiltration
CALVIN
Its a Go Marm
RUDI
Deployment
BOY
Go, Marm.
RUDI
Technology and RADAR
CHEN
Go Marm
RUDI
Very well We are go on operation,
so now lets configure personnel.
BOY
Marm, since We are going
operational,
I think its time We give our
consultants Ms Angel and Ms May
formal code names as per normal op
practice.
GANDER
About time too I think, but if they
are being brought into the fold
more completely, I move that after
this operation We need to
understand more about what they did
before coming to New London
SHARROW
Yes We have promised to tell our
story but its not what you think I
can assure you of that. However, if
you don't trust us then perhaps We
should not be involved!
GANDER
No its not that, strangely I do
trust you. You have demonstrated
your loyalty up until now. I would
however, point out to the team that
the best spies are those that gain
the trust of any team. Girls, its
just that the back story doesn't
add up, sorry but We will have the
truth, its just your decision as to
wether you volunteer it or We find
out be other means
ALEX
Yes well I can understand that
CANDER, I think I would feel the
same. All I can say is that We are
not the bad guys OK.
RUDI
Look thats enough, lets get on with
this operation We can sort other
things out later. Now code names.
Chen can you use the one time pad
selector please.
ALEX
Well I vote for ATTRACTIVE as my
code name.
SHARROW
Yes and I vote for INTELLIGENT as
mine.
CHEN
Marm, here are the next names on
the list.
RUDI
Thank you Sargent. Oh these are
good, very appropriate.
SHARROW
Oh here We go.
RUDI
So SHARROW you're code name will be
GIMBLE-FLY.
SHARROW
Hmm, actually I like it, like
mayfly after SHARROW MAY
RUDI
ALEX you get PHOENIX-ASH.
ALEX
PHOENIX-ASH, thats concerning,
especially given the nature of the
targets. Does that mean I keep
coming back after flaming out?
SHARROW
Yep that'd be right!
INT. RETROGRADE - DRESSING ROOM 2
(GANDER, MAURICE)
SOUNDS OF QUEENS
ARGUING, HANGERS
MOVING SEWING
MACHINES
MAURICE
So GANDER let me understand this
you need pixie and elf Christmas
costumes in red and green for 20
members of the Cherries. Lyrica for
easy movement with mock leatherette
holders to conceal weapons and
other utility items.
GANDER
Thats about it MAURICE, tassels and
tinsel make them look good, throw
in an element of circus cabaret.
The good news is I have a budget,
RUDI's released some Regimental
funding!
MAURICE
GANDER have you lost leave of your
senses, I'm in the middle of the
Christmas show, the busiest time of
the year and you want 40 plus size
elf costumes plus a father
Christmas by tomorrow.
GANDER
Well you were saying that the show
was a little drab this year. Now
this is your chance to excel, get
in front of a larger audience, make
a big impact.
MAURICE
Yeah sure, get arrested, for aiding
and assisting an illegal operation,
sure.
GANDER
There is going to be glitter and
glamour a large cast and large
budget, We even have pyro technics.
MAURICE
Glitter, and fireworks you say.
Ohhh! When do you need these
costumes by?
GANDER
Tomorrow, 12 Spin-ward.
MAURICE
Oh my god you really have gone
nuts. Have you been at those liquor
chocolates like last year.
GANDER
Now I told you not to bring up that
momentary laps. So this is serious
call in the girls and JUDE, even
BRANDY, We really do need all hands
on deck, I'll get RUDI to send up a
few of the Cherries to assist with
the weapons holders and anything
else they can do. This is no joke
MAURICE it threatens the Inn and
everything We hold dear.
MAURICE
GANDER, why do you always ask the
impossible!
SOUND OF HOOTER
JUDE, JUDE where are you.
Girls, girls, come down from the
stage, We are going to have to
switch to stitching, We need to get
to the wardrobe room and get out
the laser cutters and glue bonders.
I mean chop, chop, now girls.
MUMBLING OF THE
PERFORMERS AND
CLIP CLOP OF
SHOES ON THE
WOODEN STAGE.
Maurice exits followed by the performers and is already
discussing materials, colours and designs.
MAURICE
JUDE, come over here please We are
going to need your help, now Candy
I think We need to look at those
old catalogues, oh and grab the
lycra and carbon mono bonded
swatches, oh and call in Sophie.
JUDE can you go down to general
supplies and pick up at lease 50
pairs of red and green tights,
equal numbers of each. Oh my, its
going to be a green XMAS this year.
FADE OUT.
INT. RETROGRADE - UTILITY BAY BETA
(BOY, CALVIN)
SOUNDS OF
BANGING METAL
AND SOME WELDING
BOY
Private, re-enforce those doors We
need to open them really fast and
We don't want any jams, get some
damping shocks so they don't slam
shut again. Oh and fix those mortar
launches along the sides, together
with the glitter and compressed
air. We will use the same
compressed air for the Pneumatics
on the doors.
(Switches to comms and is
talking to sergeant major
Calvin)
Calvin, how did you make out in the
armoury, did We have the mini para
flares and space flashes.
CALVIN
We have quite a surprising number,
I must have a word with armaments
procurement, there appears to be to
much entertainment oriented bangs
and flashes for my liking.
BOY
I think they may have been left
over from that exercise We were
supposed to do three years ago,
with Falker Legion.
CALVIN
Well that would explain that then.
Anyway, I found some thunder
flashes too, so the whole lot is
coming up to you, I think were
going to make some impact! I have
the two soldiers going around
Chinatown firework stores scoping
up the biggest and brightest, and a
whole lot of firecrackers, they
should be back shortly.
BOY
Very Good Sergeant, carry on, can
I'll get someone out with the small
combo-truck, We are going to need
it.
CALVIN
Roger that!
BOY
(Turning back to the prep
work on the first truck)
Sergeant be sure to check the
deployment arms are well greased We
don't want a jam. No were is
Sargent CHEN.
CALVIN
I think she is in bay alpha working
on the deployment sequencers.
BOY
Very Good Sargent.
MARCHING BOOTS
RECEEDING, THEN
DOOR INTO
ANOTHER BAY
INT. RETROGRADE BAY ALPHA
(BOY, CHEN, JACINTA, ZED)
CHEN
Oh Hello Sir, is everything OK?
BOY
As you were Sargent, just checking
progress.
CHEN
Progress is good sir, We are just
making final adjustments.
BOY
Good, I'll just stand over here and
not get in you way.
CHEN
OK lets run through the sequence
timing again.
SOUND OF
PNUMATIC
ACTUATORS
OK, OK, ZED whats the time on the
phase three sequence?
ZED
550 milliseconds.
CHEN
Hmm, thats at 30m/sec so that gives
us about point six of a meter. I
think We need to go up by another
200 milli-secs please.
ZED
OK adjustments made.
CHEN
OK re-run please
SOUND OF
ACTUATORS
BOY
Very good Sargent its looking good.
Yes.
CHEN
Yes Sir, just making the final
refinements.
BOY
JACINTA how are the deployment
charges going?
JACINTA
Sir, We have had to significantly
downgrade the charges.
I have the 3D printers going flat
out to make support brackets. We
hold a brace of Rockets and fire
one, then as that dies fire the
next and so on, it gives a much
more gentle deployment, and one
which lasts for longer.
BOY
Hmm, yes that looks a bit tricky do
the different Rockets cause
unwanted torque vectoring.
JACINTA
Well yes, but thats whats the
bracket is for Sir, the Rockets all
go through the centre of mass.
There might be a little bit of
kicking to and fro, but the average
line will be straight.
BOY
Great thats good Sargent, will it
be ready in time?
JACINTA
We have no choice on that one do We
Sir.
BOY
Yes absolutely.
JACINTA
If I could make a suggestion Major
BOY
Yes of course.
JACINTA
We have compressed air, could We
not use some of it to fire up
streamers they will further
camouflage the action Sir.
BOY
Yes thats a good idea, I'll get
COSTA's on that. Good thinking
Sergeant, just make sure they don't
tangle with the Eagle wings, but
well done, keep up the good work.
Ah, has any one been down from
Maurice's crew to do the
decorations on the trucks.
JACINTA
No I don't think so, but the young
Cherries are on to that, they have
got the Mess decorations out, their
all really excited at the thought
of some action and you know how
they love Christmas. This is the
perfect storm for them! Once The
welding is over they will swarm
like insects!
BOY
OK I'm going up stairs to the
devils den to see those bitchy
Queens.
JACINTA
You sure you going to be OK, you
lost you're beret last time Sir!
BOY
Yes and when I find out who nicked
it, there going to be trouble.
JACINTA
I think I might have seen it on
RITA when she does her cabaret act,
it's in the Parisian scene I
believe. Its dam sexy as well.
BOY
Ahem. Well I don't care, its
regimental property and I want it
back.
JACINTA
Well good luck with that mission
Sir. I really think you need back
up on this one, I'll get SLIM to
meet you, he is in the bar anyway.
If you don't return in five mins
I'll send for reinforcements Sir.
INT. RETRO - WARDROBE AND COSTUMES
(BOY, CANDY, MAURICE, RITA, SLIM)
BITCHY QUEENS
THROWING SHADE
AND GENERAL
BANTER
SLIM
Good morning Major We don't see in
the bar enough, Jacinta phoned and
warned me you might need a wingman.
BOY
Yes, ah-well, grateful for any
support I can get. How you going
SLIM not seen you around as much
these days.
SLIM
Yes I've been out riding my new
horse in the Dickson. Its expensive
but really good for the soul. Mind
you my arse doesn't always agree.
BOY
Yes indeed and can appreciate that.
I grew up on a farm you know.
SLIM
No I didn't know that.
BOY
Yes, Earth-side, mixed farm, I had
a great time growing up, but (sigh)
once I joined the CIS it was off
Earth to the moon for the first few
years. In fact I never went back.
SLIM
Well We really must catch up.
BOY
Yes We must, but for now duty
calls.
SLIM
OK lets get this over. I suppose We
really must enter the viper cage.
BOY
Unto the breach and all that!
SLIM
You go first, if it gets bad, I'll
make a running entry, but what ever
you do don't let them tempt you off
the path to Maurice's door.
BOY
OK eyes straight, and don't react
other than pleasantries, right.
SLIM
Right, partner, oh hold on I'll get
my chaps, that'll provide a
distraction.
WALKING ACROSS
STAGE AND DOOR
OPENING
BOY
You ready SLIM?
SLIM
As I'll ever be!
BOY
Ahh, Oh, Hello girls, is Maurice
around?
SLIM
Girls, how you going?
CANDY
(Lets out a little sob of
delight)
My goodness, its chief soldier man,
and that lonesome Cowboy, don't
they look so handsome. You've come
all this way to see me. Oh I do
love a man in a uniform and a big
strong cowboy too.
BOY
Ahem!Yes Well!
SLIM
Girls, I've I can't fit my chaps,
these straps are tricky, can you
help!
CANDY
Ohhh, leather, So manly and strong.
I'll help let me.
RITA
You slum bitch, hands off my man,
he only has eyes for this Hally
Berry fish!
CANDY
Keep your rough werk hands off him
you booger! He needs my gentile
realness and after that last Diana
Ross routine you pulled, you ain't
never gona, gona deserve him. Their
be no pulling pull his car into
your garage doors gurl, and you
know it!
RITA
Throw all the shade you want you
tired old Queen, but the truth is
they both only have eyes for me.
Come here darlings. Oh my those
Chaps smell so horsey, I'd pull a
Helen-Zille at a District Attorney
rally for either of you.
Look at what is on offer
(Considers his own
magnificence)
Just consider this god-en-za
realness, you know thats what you
desire deep down.
SOUND OF A BOAT
HORN
MAURICE
Back off girls, leave the major and
SLIM alone.
RITA
Oh, you always ruin our fun, my
Cher goodness was starting to work.
MAURICE
No messing with the military, I've
told you before, he is on duty,
besides you need to focus on your
seams, just look at that work, its
just plain disgraceful.
CANDY
Just like her flabby lips and
boobs, there fake too.
SOUND OF DRAG
QUEENS SLAPPING
EACH OTHER AND
FIGHTING
MAURICE
Stop, stop this at once. Thats
enough shade, both of you. Now
major will you please come this way
into my office. Can I offer either
of you a Cup of tea. Perhaps
something stronger.
BOY
Ahem. Yes well. We need to discuss
the costumes and potential
deployment.
INT. RETROGRADE C&C
(RUDI)
RUDI
OK settle down, settle down
MURMERING
RUDI
Now this is a big operation with
lots of pieces, lets run through
the deployments. BOY you're
Tactical Action Officer on this one
CHEN you're on the collaborative
information suite in truck one, and
general troubleshooting any systems
issues arising.
JACINTA you're on point with ALEX
and SHARROW and JUDE who has
offered to stand in for DOILY who
is still in recovery with that
hand. CODE Names,
CALVIN you're piloting the recovery
sleigh disguised as father XMAS,
code name JINGLE BELL.
COSTAS your piloting the radar
support platform designated code
name BANGER, which We have will
maintain at the CAP station.
ZED is in Truck 2 and will act as
Air Intercept Controller using the
designation AIC. Now some of you
may have heard that ZED and myself
have had a few 'difficulties' over
the past few weeks, but this issue
surpasses that so he has been
returned to active status, with
immediate commencement.
DOILY is unfortunately sitting this
one out due to her broken hand, but
she will be acting as Cooperative
Engagement Control, designation CEC
for this op, she will be back in
Command and Control. Thanks to JUDE
for stepping up to the plate.
APPLAUSE
Now back here at the RETROGRADE,
I'm deploying some of our junior
members in strategic positions
around the Inn in case the
opposition decides to take
advantage. I have SOPHIE and GHOST
managing Bar whilst GANDER and
Myself are in C&C.
If this plan all turns to custard,
plan 'B' is extraction via Cherries
dressed as bystanders watching the
parade. This option is distinctly
sub optimal and should be avoided
at any costs. Now any questions.
(Pause)
Very good well, troops, this will
be an operation that requires
pinpoint timing with some good
fortune. I want you to know I am
proud of the way you have come
together in the last few hours, you
are the best team in this habitat
and its my belief that We will run
rings around them all. So lets
start this Christmas with a big
bang and go get us some Xeno-
morphs.
SOUND OF
MUMERING AND
PEOPLE DEPLOYING
AND ELECTRIC
TRUCKS HUMMING
WITH CORNEY XMAS
MUSIC STARTING
UP
EXT. CHRISTMAS PARADE - OWNERS CAVERN
(ALEX, BOY, CALVIN, CHEN, COSTA, DOILY, JACINTA, RUDI,
SHARROW, ZED)
CHRISTMAS MUSIC
PARADE STYLE
RUDI
Time check please major?
(on radio link)
BOY
We are green to go at T minus 10
seconds Marm.
RUDI
OK tell CHEN to start the sequencer
as soon as the first firework goes
off.
BOY
Very good Marm. Chen standby, await
first firecracker before starting
sequence please!
CHEN
Affirmative, Standing by!
RUDI
Ok lets go around the room Status
for Green to Go. Deployment.
CHEN
Go,
RUDI
Flight Wing?
JACINTA
Go
RUDI
TAO
BOY
Go
RUDI
CEC
DOILY
Go
RUDI
AIC
ZED
Go
RUDI
CALVIN
CALVIN
Go
RUDI
OK operation is status Green for Go
SOUND OF
FIREWORK AT
FRONT OF PARADE
CHEN
Acknowledge, controller live,
sequencer running.
HUGE SOUND OF
MORTOR BOMBS,
FIREWORKS
FIRECRACKERS
RUDI
PAPER status report
JACINTA
(Strained voice) PAPER, status
nominal, wings not yet deployed.
DOILY
CEC, ack.
RUDI
DOILY get them to CAP station by
the fastest route.
DOILY
Roger that
JACINTA
PAPER, One flight deployed waiting
for smoke to clear, oh wait,
eyeball on 'Three Flight', and also
'Two Flight'. I can't see 'Four
Fligh'.
DOILY
PHOENIX Ash, Four flight, status,
acknowledge.
ALEX
Right wing has not deployed cleanly
and has slight damage. I'm not
climbing cleanly, the beat pattern
is wrong.
DOILY
Roger PHOENIX ASH, I will contact
CHINATOWN and see what he can do.
CHINATOWN can you look at the
telemetry and see if you can assist
PHOENIX ASH.
CHEN
Roger accessing telemetry! Oh dear
me, thats not good.
SHARROW
PHOENIX ASH are you OK.
ALEX
Ah, GIMBLE FLY its a neg on OK ,
but not terminal, just ineffective.
JACINTA
ROGER got that, CHINATOWN is
attempting to adjust.
ALEX
Roger.
DOILY
This is CEC, BANGER is now in the
air heading for CAP station
JACINTA
Roger on that. Do you have vector.
DOILY
BRA, two seventy dash forty one,
8000 meters CAP snap.
JACINTA
Roger received. Eagle wing please
lock in target marked A confirmed
CAP station.
BOY
AIC HAWKEYE radar is coming up to
operating horizon, should be able
to identify Bogies shortly.
JACINTA
Roger HAWKEYE. PHOENIX ASH, status,
please.
ALEX
Roger, Status beating like all
hell, but not making much altitude.
JACINTA
Roger I'm asking SCISSOR to loiter
and match your position. AIC,
vector for Three Flight to Four
Flight.
ZED
Roger, wait one. OK BRA zero two
three dash four, four, altitude
4500 meters, SNAP, B Vector
JACINTA
Roger confirm vector B. SCISSORS
snap vector B, please and send hugs
and kisses to 'Four Flight'.
COSTA
Roger, diving.
JACINTA
PHOENIX ASH expect hugs and kisses
from three flight, SCISSORS will
keep her company.
ALEX
Roger, many thanks.
JACINTA
CHINATOWN can you assist four
flight?
CHEN
I am adjusting the beat pattern
putting more power to the good wing
and changing some angles it might
help but its definitely sub-optimal
for the batteries.
RUDI
CHINATOWN its Green for Go on those
changes, do what you can, We need
to get that flechette up to
altitude.
DOILY
Interrupt pleae, Status confirm
CALVIN launch
CALVIN
Confirmed clean I'm circling and
climbing to CAP station. Jets
nominal, systems nominal.
DOILY
Roger.
RUDI
DOILY I new that having only one
weapons system was a weak point.
DOILY
Yes but this whole operation was
put together very quick Marm.
RUDI
Yes of course. We have no choice,
OK proceed with this deployment but
lets keep the radio chatter down
until We get to CAP station. BANGER
can monitor progress.
DOILY
Roger, PAPER please go silent until
CAP.
JACINTA
Roger.
EXT. OWNERS CAVERN - HIGH ABOVE PARADE
(ALEX, ALL FLIGHT, BOY, COSTA, DOILY, JACINTA, RUDI, SHARROW,
ZED)
DISTANT
CHRISTMAS PARADE
MUSIC GROWING
FAINT, WHOOSHING
OF MECHANICAL
WINGS
ALEX
Sha.. Oh sorry GIMBLE-FLY, and
PAPER can you read, wings beating
slightly more evenly, I see
SCISSORSI above me I'm circling.
SHARROW
Roger PHOENIX-ASH, are you going to
be able to gain enough altitude?
ALEX
I think soo, repeat wings are
beating hard, but at this rate the
batteries will get depleted in half
and hour, I'm probably going to
have to make a gliding retreat.
JACINTA
This is PAPER, We could enact a
loiter routine if you think that
best.
ALEX
No you guys keep on mission, I'll
follow up soonest at the rear.
PHOENIX- ASH out I have to as I
have the flechette remember.
JACINTA
Roger, PAPER Out, GIMBLE-FLY can
you stay on my spin-ward wing,
SCISSORS bring yourself and PHOENIX
ash on my anti spin-ward side. AIC
can you provide SNAP to my spin
ward for PHOENIX ASH.
ZED
Roger, BRA two, three, zero dash
nina, two, altitude 9500 meters,
SNAP C.
ALEX
Roger SNAP C confirmed, loading.
JACINTA
All Flight please set adaptive
shade to light tube, its going to
be bright.
ALL FLIGHT
Roger, Roger, affirmative,
confirmed.
SHARROW
PAPER is there a chance of burns?
JACINTA
No worries GIMBLE-FLY, the light
tube is really millions of high
intensity LEDs they don't put out
much infra red and the lights are
all water cooled, We should be
good. We may have to land behind
the lights on the gantries at some
stage, if power gets low.
SHARROW
Roger on that PAPER, an sign of
bandits?
JACINTA
No, I'll make the call. CEC any
sign of BANDITS?
DOILY
Not as yet nothing coming up on my
screen.
ZED
AIC, I'm just starting to receive
the feeds from BANGER, wait one. Oh
two targets designated 1 and 2. On
SNAP now.
DOILY
Roger there up. PAPER is the flight
at CAP Station.
JACINTA
Nearly I can see two flight and
four flight below me. I think We
are go to engage target if CEC
concurs.
DOILY
Roger Concurrence, go code 357. AIC
BRA call for BOGIES
ZED
BRA seven three dash two four zero
altitude 9800 SNAP, designation D,
two BOGIES close formation.
DOILY
Engage.
JACINTA
Roger, All flight, please accept
vector marked D proceed for
engagement.
ALL FLIGHT
Roger.
ZED
Targets are slippery, fast moving.
JACINTA
Roger as expected. I think I can
see their contrails.
RUDI
Please repeat Flight.
JACINTA
I can hear something like thunder,
I think its the mini bleves.
DOILY
Do not fly through their wake, any
gas explosion could disrupt, the
flight surfaces.
JACINTA
You think! SCISSORS and PHOENIX
ASH, status?
COSTA
I'm OK but PHOENIX is looking
Ashey.
ALEX
Yep power is near gone.
JACINTA
Shit, OK PHOENIX ASH, can you make
it to the light tube? Get up on the
gantry.
ALEX
Roger. What about the flechette?
JACINTA
Carry it, move along the gantry
keep parallel to us. SCISSORS get
up here and follow us. The plan is
to engage Bogies, try and tire them
out. The have to land somewhere and
it can only be the light tube
arrays.
RUDI
We think they must have a base at
kilometre thirteen from which is
the nearest point where We picked
up the trace.
ZED
AIC is confirm that PHOENIX ASH's
trace has merged with that of the
light tube.
JACINTA
PHOENIX ASH, Status?
ALEX
(Out of breath and
panting)
Few that was a close one, I am on
the gantry have sustained slight
brusing, wing is dead, weapons
Green.
SHARROW
Alex you OK.
JACINTA
Code names only please.
SHARROW
PHOENIX ASH are you OK.
ALEX
Yes I am fine GIMBLE FLY proceed
with mission, I'm good.
JACINTA
Can you move along gantry to
Kilometre thirteen, We think they
may have a base there.
ALEX
Roger, I'll meet you there.
JACINTA
TAO, can We use darts.
BOY
Confirm, but sleep darts only We
need them to land in the light
tube.
SHARROW
Whoo, Boogies at three O'clock they
have engaged, they look like they
are 'unhappy'
JACINTA
GIMBLE FLY, what does unhappy look
like?
SHARROW
They are shaking their antlers from
side to side and snorting.
COSTA
Come here bitches, PHOENIX ASH, I'm
on your spin ward wing,
intercepting.
JACINTA
Don't get near their wake.
COSTA
I have fired two darts, I don't
believe either hit targets, they
are more manoeuvrable than We
thought.
LARGE EXPLOSION
BANG WITH
SCREETCHING
SOUND.
SHARROW
Shit that was close. Ahhh,
SOUND OF DART
JACINTA
OK I have got around behind BOOGIES
trying to box them in.
COSTA
Sarg I don't think thats a good
idea. They can turn on a dime.
JACINTA
Shit, whoo that was close, they
nipped the end off my wings. I let
off two darts, no idea if they hit
their targets.
SHARROW
I'll guess well find out shortly.
ALEX
PAPER your not going to believe
this, but they have made some sort
of nest, its just behind the
lights, I'm level with it on the
gantry.
EXT. OWNERS CAVERN - NEAR LIGHT TUBE
(ALEX, BOB, BOY, CALVIN, COSTA, DOILY, JACINTA, RUDI,
SHARROW)
ALEX
I'm inching closer. Oh, no.
JACINTA
What!
ALEX
TAO, We can't go for the kill.
BOY
What, please confirm statement.
ALEX
We can't go for the kill, they have
a baby fawn. Thats why they are
fighting so hard, they are just
protecting their young. Its every
creatures right. We can't kill
them.
BOY
Ahhm.
ALEX
Well I'm not going to kill them, or
touch their baby, If you want to do
the dirty deed your going to have
to come down here and do it
yourself.
RUDI
Hold on, no one is talking about
any killing. We will adminsiter
sleep charges won't We TAO?
ALEX
I have already set the flechette to
sleep only
BOB
Affirmative. We concur. Proceed.
JACINTA
Whilst you lot are chatting, We
have a situation out here. I've
lost part of one wing to Antler
attack. PHOENIX ASH was blown
sideways by a mini bleve, one of
her wings is badly singed. SCISSOR
looks distinct ropy too. Permission
to land on light gantry.
SCREACHING
SOUNDS AS
BATSTAGS ATTACK.
JACINTA
GIMBLE FLY, get to the gantry now.
SHARROW
I'm not picking up C&C control
channel is dead.
Already ahead of you on that one
PAPER but they keep doing close
passes when I get close to the
lights.
JACINTA
Its because they have young, repeat
there is a nest just behind the
lights. I repeat they think you are
attacking their nest. Move along
the tube and land some way away,
they will leave you alone.
SHARROW
Roger, did you say they have young.
JACINTA
Roger move away.
SHARROW
Roger landing.
JACINTA
SCISSORS follow sharrow act as rear
guard I'll draw them away.
COSTA
No sarg. It will be two on one you
have no chance.
JACINTA
SOLDER, get to it, thats an order!
Arghh, Oh, shit. Keep calm
GOSPONDIN their just big nasty
batstags. OK I'm moving away from
your babies now, leave me alone.
COSTA
GIMBLE FLY and myself have landed
on gantry, proceeding to. We will
try and dart them We have taken up
position between the light stalks
can you draw them along the tube.
DOILY
CALVIN new orders, get to the light
tube land at position marked 12800
on gantry team is waiting for
pickup.
CALVIN
Roger.
JACINTA
OK I'm making my run, try and dart
as they pass please, I'm near
buggered here.
COSTA
Roger I see you! Can you get
closer.
SHARROW
Ready.
SOUND OF
WHOOSHING THEN
DARTS THEN CRIES
FROM BATSTAGS
COSTA
Got one, the male I think.
SHARROW
I got the smaller one, the female.
What happens now.
COSTA
Its slow acting. Hopefully they'll
go back to the nest, not fall out
of the sky, gravity is only 0.2G At
this hight so We should be good. I
think that was what saved us, they
were brought up in higher gravity,
every time they dived at us the
Coriolis effect twisted them off
course. PAPER are you OK.
JACINTA
Yes, but only just, batteries
spent, I had to land upstream of
you on the other side of their nest
point. I'm folding up wings and
moving back towards your position.
COSTA
Roger, that was closer Sarg.
JACINTA
Yes closer than I like. See you
shortly.
SHARROW
Look the two batstags are heading
to their nest. Lets move along to
and see whats up.
EXT. OWNERS CAVERN BEHIND LIGHT BAR
(ALEX, CALVIN, COSTA, DOILY, JACINTA, RUDI, SHARROW, ZED)
ALEX
(Whispering)
Hi guys, hold stay back and be
quiet, the mum and dad have just
come home, I think their get really
sleepy from the darts.
SHARROW
Can We crawl out and take a look
over the edge of the nest.
JACINTA
Lets rope up first, if We slip its
a one hell of a long way down. Just
pop another couple of darts to make
sure they are completely out.
ALEX
OK, I'm nearly at the edge of the
nest, I'm just going to pop my head
up quickly to see whats going on.
JACINTA
Be careful you may startle them.
ALEX
OK, OK Ohhh, look they have a
little baby fawn its so gorgeous.
SHARROW
Let me have a look, oh, look there
cuddling on each side to protect
their baby.
JACINTA
Look We have an operation here.
SHARROW
Well were not going to do anything
to jeopardise their new family now.
Its just so wrong.
ALEX
Yep absolutely SHAS with you 100%
on that one.
JACINTA
I'm not suggesting We hurt them,
but We need to dart the fawn so
that it doesn't panic and hurt
itself. I'll just squeeze out most
of the sleeping drug for a baby
dose. Here let me up I'll dart it.
ALEX
Make sure you don't hurt it, its
only a few hours old.
JACINTA
Roger on that. What do you think
I'm am guys, its a beautiful baby.
We are here for the good side
remember.
RUDI
Team status please. Whats going on
JACINTA
Marm We have located a 'nest'
position about 200 yards past
Kilometre 13 on the nearside
gantry. The two bat-stag's have a
little baby, thats why they were so
aggressive. We have darted Mum &
Dad who are asleep and We are just
about to dart the baby.
RUDI
OK, Hmmm, just be careful. I'll get
CALVIN up to you a behind the
lights with the paddy wagon. DOILY
can you get CALVIN in position,
kilometre 13.2 On the gantry
please.
DOILY
AIC can you BRA Kilometre 13.2 On
gantry for CALVIN. Please. Marm can
We recall BANGER?
RUDI
Roger recall BANGER to Position
Beta for dismantle and shipment.
Can you work the issue of how We
get Flight back with a missing
wing.
DOILY
Roger, AIC can do you have vector
for BANGER?
ZED
JINGLE BELL, BRA sixty seven dash
twenty six altitude 9950 Bogie
recovery, SNAP E.
CALVIN
Roger vector received proceeding
immediately.
DOILY
PAPER, any idea's for four man
recovery with broken wing.
JACINTA
Roger CEC I have idea, I will cary
SCISSORS on a sling for a fast
glide return. PHOENIX ASH will swap
wings with SCISSORS and GIMBLE FLY
will accompany for slow glide
return to Point BETA.
DOILY
Are you sure thats going to work
JACINTA
No, not at all. Are you ready for
some gliding action soldier.
COSTA
Sarg, it'll be a walk in the park!
JACINTA
OK, lets hang around and help
Sargent CALVIN load these stags,
were going to have to rig the
harness with straps to lift our
sleeping beauties into their comfy
ride home.
ALEX
Looks like you and me will be
partying all the way down.
SHARROW
You know I don't like heights.
ALEX
Well We solved this case, didn't
We, that'l lift your spirits, the
dosh will keep us afloat for a
little longer, and you can close
your eyes.
SHARROW
No fear, that just makes it worse.
(sigh)
INT. RETROGRADE - MAIN BAR
(ALEX, CHEN, DOILY, GANDER, JUDE, PRIYA, SHARROW)
ALEX
I'm really quite excited at seeing
this show, what with the
decorations and the great
atmosphere, it's certainly been a
wild ride these last couple of
months. I think this is the first
time I feel like I have a place I
belong.
SHARROW
You right, when I first step
through the front door of this
place, it felt familiar. ALEX you
know I'm getting to love these
folks, I mean they are all batshit
crazy, but they just fit right in
here.
ALEX
Look the shows about to start. Say
SHAS I don't want to worry you but
that DOILY chick , with the crazy
hair has really been staring at
both of us all evening. Do you
think she fancies me.
SHARROW
No chance, your far too old, oh
wait no your not. Jeez I keep
forgetting. Look after the show I'm
going to tackle her and find out
whats the hells up.
INTODUCTION
MUSIC
The lights come up and GANDER is standing in full splendour
GANDER
Ladies and Gentlemen may I present
the Retrograde Christmas Burlesque
show featuring the MAURICE BOADWAY
dancers please welcome to the stage
our very own Miss JUDE RUDESKI.
(Whispering and speaking
into a concealed mic)
CHEN you ready to go, is ZED ready
on sound and lights
CHEN
(In capacity as stage
manager)
Yes, yes. OK show start House light
off, Cue lighting cue 1. Cue music
1.
MUSIC SWELLS FOR
NEW LONDON
PRIYA (PLAYING JUDE)
New London etc....
NEW LONDON SONG
JUDE
Thank you, thank you.
(Looking at SHARROW and
ALEX)
This year has been a tough one for
me, as you know I was abducted, but
was rescued in no small part thanks
to SHARROW and ALEX, these folks at
the front. To THE RCBS and my mum
and GANDER I say thank you for
pulling out ever stop to get me
back quickly. I now feel I can say,
I really appreciate this special
place for what it is, my home.
CHEERING CROWD
WHISTLES
JUDE
Thank you.
CROWD MEDIUM
CHEARING
ALEX
Oh, SHARROW I'm tearing up!
SHARROW
You me me both. He is so sweet and
he looks so fabulous. Ohhh, look at
that someones presenting him with
a bunch of flowers!
JUDE
These are for you two you saved me,
thank you.
The crowd turn and cheer and clap SHARROW and ALEX.
ALEX
This is the best Christmas I've had
in ages.
SHARROW
Yes it is, it really is! Oh wait
look that DOILY chick is coming
over, so has a crazy look in her
eyes.
DOILY
(with a loud voice full of emotion)
I knew it, you two, you're the
chicks in the Cryo tank. GANDER,
GANDER get over here, these two,
they're CIS spies hold on to them.
END