Angel and May
Angel and May are two worn-out private investigators from LA. Events take a turn and they embark on a journey which will take them across time and space to the asteroid colony "New London". They hole up in a dodgy pub run by a crazy drag queen. What could possibly go wrong! They say the skies are the limit, but here they're just the beginning!
Angel and May
A03-E10 - The Best Laid Plans
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Sexy bots decide they will not play anymore, it's left up to Ghost to find out why.
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S3-E10-THE BEST LAID PLANS
INT. TRADING DOWN - 15 - 2.1
LOCATION: BENCUBBIN - LOWER TALBOT STREET
MISSY JACK is working the streets as a hooker in a
desperate move to get more cash. SINJIN arrives with
some welcome news. He has located the part that she
needs to get her ship working. The bad news its in the
RCBS central store under the Retrograde Inn. To directly
steal the part is out of the question. SINJIN has
thought of a plan. He recommends that MISSY JACK seduces
ZED and then uses his access to gain entry to the central
stores. SINJIN departs leaving MISSY JACK to have a
sweaty liaison with PINKY.
SINJIN
Hi, There you are. I brought you a
coffee?
MISSY JACK
Oh, thanks, I needed that.
SINJIN
How's life?
MISSY JACK
How do you think?
SINJIN
Well, you look, tired.
MISSY JACK
Jesus SINJIN of course I'm tired.
(Sigh) I'm out working the F**' n
streets again.
SINJIN
My bad. I don't like seeing you
like this.
MISSY JACK
Well, I don't like seeing me like
this either, but as you made it
crystal clear I need to earn
credits. I and therefore by
default, we, don't have any choice
in the matter. That is unless you
come to tell me you've sold some
stupid Ming Dynasty pot for
millions of credits.
SINJIN
Sorry no, no such luck.
MISSY JACK
Well, then. Look just f** off,
its the busy time, you'll be
scaring the Johns.
SINJIN
Oh, sorry, I didn't think. Didn't
want to queer your pitch.
MISSY JACK
Yeah I know, sorry, I'm
understandably edgy at the moment,
not to mention my feet are killing
me!
SINJIN
Well, this might pep you up. I've
got a line on where this obscure
filter part is.
MISSY JACK
Oh, yeah, really.
SINJIN
Yes really.
MISSY JACK
Whats the catch?
SINJIN
No catch.
MISSY JACK
Oh, come on, there always a catch!
SINJIN
I small detail, not really a catch
as such more an opportunity to be
mastered.
MISSY JACK
Oh here we go!
SINJIN
Well as you know a have a few
'special' search routines.
MISSY JACK
Illegal search routines.
SINJIN
Well, special, I need to know what
is going down. I ran the part
number through my dark net engine
which searched the whole Asteroid
free states for that specific
part.
MISSY JACK
Let me guess you found the part
but its on Io or some equally
uninviting place!
SINJIN
Jesus you are edgy!
MISSY JACK
Well, you try standing on this
street corner!
SINJIN
Well, this is the weird news, you
not going to believe this.
MISSY JACK
I don't think I want to hear this.
SINJIN
Listen will you.
MISSY JACK
OK go on!
SINJIN
I can only find the one unit in
existence anywhere.
MISSY JACK
Oh, here it comes, the catch!
SINJIN
Good news is it's here, in New
London. Bad news is that it's in
stock at the RCBS main store
directly under the Retrograde.
MISSY JACK
OH, f** those bloody do-gooders. I
hate them, there silly little
uniforms, running around, like
they are the real military. Who do
they think they are?
SINJIN
Well, they probably think they're
a successful, technical mercenary
regiment. Which in fact they are.
They have water tight security and
lots of guns, carried by mean fuck
wits who don't like people like
us.
MISSY JACK
So that's the catch, great!
Universe I hate you, why do you
hate me!
Oh look someone's stopping! Stand
back SINJIN give a girl some
space.
ELECTRIC CAR WHINE
AND WINDOW COMING
DOWN
SOUND OF A JOHN
PROPOSITIONING
MISSY JACK - JUST A
MUMBLING SOUND, NOT
DISTINCT WORDS
MISSY JACK
No! You sick fuck! I'm not doing
that!
MORE INDISTINCT
MUMBLING
MISSY JACK
No, not even for that, now fuck
off your blocking the parking!
SINJIN
Another satisfied customer
(Chuckling)
MISSY JACK
You can f** off too
SINJIN
I thought you offered a wide range
of customer service? You're not
normally adverse to some 'extra
value operations'. What twisted
shit did he want.
MISSY JACK
SINJIN get this, He wanted me to
come back and rub goanna oil on
his mothers joints.
SINJIN
Oh, sticky shit then!
MISSY JACK
Actually it's the oil, I don't
want that smell on my hands.
SINJIN
Well, its good to be keeping your
hygiene standards high I see.
MISSY JACK
Jesus SINJIN, what do you know,
Hygiene standards, I would have to
bath in bleach every night after
this gig. Look please tell me how
do we get this part that's guarded
by a small army, and get me off
this godawful street?
SINJIN
Subterfuge milady. Something that
I believe is a speciality of the
house. Pure good old fashioned
sneakiness.
MISSY JACK
SINJIN! You're not suggesting we
attempt to steal from the RCBS
stores directly. Firstly we would
not get in, secondly we would not
get out.
SINJIN
(Laughs) of course not MISSY I was
thinking along the lines of the
honey-pot trap.
MISSY JACK
Yeah well those RCBS crew, they
are all lesbians, tranny's and in
determinants. (Pause) I suppose I
could put on a flannel and a
truckers cap and then get me all
greasy. Nah, never work, that
bitch GANDER knows me!
SINJIN
(Suggestive)
Well, you are quite good at
disguises, and you do have an
attractive, ah, 'package'
MISSY JACK
'Package' Jesus, well these BC
freaks have been unwrapping my
body parts like its XMAS morning.
You have no idea! What will I have
to do next?
SINJIN
You never seem to complain, when I
play postman.
MISSY JACK
SINJIN, you haven't even got to
the front door.
SINJIN
Actually MISSY you're completely
wrong on this caper. You'll have
to quell your lesbotic tendencies
for a more hetro approach.
MISSY JACK
Lesbotic, its not a word SINJIN?
SINJIN
Look focus on the con. It involves
a young man, a technician.
INTERUPTED BY A SLEAZY SAD JOHN
PINKY
Hey lady, you do butt stuff?
MISSY JACK
Only if it's your butt and not
mine. For you it's vanilla only
buddy.
PINKY
Well, what about your friend here.
MISSY JACK
He is not part of the deal.
PINKY
Oh, how disappointing!
MISSY JACK
Look its 200 Cryptos and you pay
for the hotel room. Over there in
the lobby, I'll meet you there in
five minutes.
PINKY
See you soon MISSY.
SINJIN
Argh, I'm starting to see the
objections to this career. What I
ghastly slug. Balding, belly,
pants too short and sweat stains
in the armpits.
MISSY JACK
Yeah! Wakeup call, he's a typical
middle aged man, bozo! SINJIN, Oh
in fact he looks just like you.
SINJIN
I'm the one who had to extend my
credit, borrowed the money to get
you out of the tronk.
It's my tongue that HONEST LARRY
and his backer MARCO will take, if
you don't pay up. Can you see now,
why I might be worried?
MISSY JACK
Oh Jeez SINJIN, I thought you said
it came out of your business
float. So you really do love me.
That's so sweet, thank you. Wow
that was unexpected, I'm getting
teary! (phew, release of breath)
So this honey trap plan, the
person I have to seduce is old and
ugly right?
SINJIN
No, you dunce, its the other way!
MISSY JACK
What that's even worse. So he's
(pause) too young?
SINJIN
No, stop hyper ventilating! He's
of age (under breath) just. He's
an obvious virgin, obsessed with
that LONELY PRINCESS woman. You
know the mad thing that hangs
around the Bencubbin. (Imitating
Lonely Princess)"oxy-tabs, oxygen"
that one.
MISSY JACK
Well, no accounting for taste, so
you think he may be ready for a
step up to this (Indicating her
body). No, no that's not going to
work, why would he go for an
'older women' like me?
SINJIN
Well, as you say no accounting for
taste!
MISSY JACK
Watch it, you treading a thin
line, buster!
SINJIN
No, no, well what I mean your not
(Pause) over the hill, just a
little worldly worn, that's all.
(Pause) A certain maturity, which
of course is what makes you so
attractive my dear. No for this
mark, we just need a little nip
and tuck, perhaps some makeup.
MISSY JACK
I don't know it sounds tricky!
SINJIN
Look it's the only way. Besides
its a sure fire thing. Once you
seduce the mark, my sources
suggest there's nowhere he can't
access.
MISSY JACK
OK SINJIN, look I'll do it but not
now. Street duty calls I afraid.
But you're gonna have to think of
how to approach this geek. We only
have one shot.
SINJIN
OK, my sweet dreams, see you in
the morning. (Under his breath)
Why work when you can make a
fortune laying on your back, shit!
INT. BEST LAID PLANS - 15 - 3
LOCATION: BENCUBBIN COLLECTABLES
MISSY JACK and SINJIN start to prepare for the first
meeting between ZED and MISSY JACK. SINJIN decides that
the best approach will be to introduce MISSY JACK in
avatar for within a VIRTUAL REALITY game that ZED plays.
MISSY JACK will be introduced as a bar maid at the pub
within the game. Together SINJIN and MISSY JACK craft the
perfect avatar and prepare for first contact!
SINJIN
MISSY Listen I have thought of a
brilliant way to gain this fellows
appreciation. The best thing it
doesn't involve you slapping on
make up and corsets.
MISSY JACK
Great, mind you I was looking
forward to some younger flesh!
SINJIN
So listen, and this is the best
bit, this ZED, he's an avid user
of a VIRTUAL REALITY role play
game. According to the scores and
the Reddit's, he's a top player.
King of the heap, the man who
would be King, and all within a
closed patch loop. It's
effectively his own micro realm.
MISSY JACK
Sounds nicely tyrannical?
SINJIN
Oh, it is, its a sweet deal, but
one you only get if you get to the
stratospheric score level. I must
admit it sounds like fun!
MISSY JACK
Look don't get idea's, you have
trouble just running a shop.
SINJIN
Hay, I would make a great King.
MISSY JACK
Sure!
SINJIN
He's pretty switched on this kid.
MISSY JACK
SINJIN will you stop referring to
him as a kid. Makes me feel kinda
dirty.
SINJIN
Dirtier than you felt after your
day at work yesterday?
MISSY JACK
Oh don't remind my that PINKY is a
sick bastard, urghh! (Pause) I
still think I should approach this
ZED in person, buy him a drink or
something rather more
conventional. At least I
understand that. This direct to
VIRTUAL REALITY makes me nervous.
They say you should always attack
in a location you control.
SINJIN
No shit, are you crazy? He's a
nerd, you'll scare the living
daylights out of him if you
approach him in reality. He'd be a
deer in the glare of your
headlights. You do know you scare
the living shit out of most guys,
right?
MISSY JACK
Well, I don't know VIRTUAL
REALITY, its not my thing.
SINJIN
Exactly, you play the innocent!
Making the approach in the VIRTUAL
REALITY where he's most
comfortable will lead to a better
encounter in the real world. He
will just want to comfort you.
MISSY JACK
I don't know!
SINJIN
So this VIRTUAL REALITY World is
really detailed and multifaceted,
a full set of kingdoms and
societies, often at war with each
other. You have to start out as a
worker or a soldier. My thoughts
are to set you up in a 'service'
role where you get the opportunity
to interact and serve the 'King'
thus making contact and winning
his heart. Simple.
MISSY JACK
So you want to make me a
prostitute in the VIRTUAL REALITY
world as well as the real! Really,
god SINJIN you make me sick!
SINJIN
No, no, you misunderstand. I've
set you up as a barmaid in his
local drinking establishment.
MISSY JACK
Sorry, a pub? But its in a game?
Why wouldn't they just go to a
real bar?
SINJIN
Look these are socially awkward
nerd types, borderline, on the
spectrum. You know the types?
These people are more comfortable
in the virtual world than in the
real world. It's just what they
do.
MISSY JACK
OK if you say so. Well, what do I
do now, how do I get an avatar?
SINJIN
Well, I've registered all those
pictures of you with the avatar
generator.
MISSY JACK
Sorry you mean those sexy pics we
took.
SINJIN
Yes, there needed for the
dimensional modelling.
MISSY JACK
But I'm naked in those pictures.
SINJIN
Yes I know, and lovely too!
MISSY JACK
But suppose there is a real person
at the other end.
SINJIN
So says the working women!
MISSY JACK
Yes but there are limits.
SINJIN
Look do you want to do this or
spend six months down Turbot
Street, then wait two more months
whilst the part is shipped in?
MISSY JACK
Well, no of course not!
SINJIN
Well, then this is the only way!
MISSY JACK
So, how do we build this avatar?
SINJIN
It's not just building an avatar,
we have to make the perfect women
of you. Instant attraction, total
magnetic personality. So I have
run an analysis of all his
collaborations and interactions to
see what type of female avatars he
likes the look of.
MISSY JACK
Can't I just use my likeness?
SINJIN
Don't you know anything about the
virtual world. Nobody uses their
real likeness in there. Besides,
you want to impress him not scare
him away.
MISSY JACK
Oh, my god look at those costumes
and the size of their eyes. It
seems like its retro anime.
SINJIN
Oh absolutely, this world is
called a throwback simulation.
Its deliberately made to look
different from the real world.
(Pause) So lets look at the
biometric parameters. (Computer
typing) OK, statistically blue to
silver or blonde hair, shoulder
length. (Computer typing) Wow.
Goodness me! Look at the size of
those, ahhh!
Missy Jack initially misses the point, then sees the size
of the prospective breasts.
MISSY JACK
I'm not carrying those, they're
like two, front mounted backpacks!
SINJIN
Apparently he's a boob man.
MISSY JACK
Oh, this ZED King fellow is a
giant just a boob then! Or am I
the big boob!
SINJIN
Well, technically you're attached
to two of them! A stereo of boobs.
MISSY JACK
Jesus! OK, Go back to the silver
hair, won't I trip on that, its so
long.
SINJIN
OK I'm just going to shorten the
hair and give you a little more
height. Ah, now the bosom doesn't
look so out of proportion!
MISSY JACK
You recon! For gods sake please
give me some hips to balance up.
SINJIN
Okay okay. Hips. Bigger?
MISSY JACK
Yes. Whoa! Too big, I look like a
pear.
SINJIN
Height, he prefers 15-30% shorter
than himself.
MISSY JACK
Yes but its his height in the game
not in real life. I think we
should leave the avatar as is, its
perfect.
SINJIN
OK then! Now clothes? He's been
hanging with a bunch of steam-punk
chicks it seems.
MISSY JACK
Oh nice, I like steam-punk its
very me. Leather jacket, that's
good. (Bleep) now, give me some
welders goggles.
SINJIN
Welders goggles or some aviator's?
I think the top gun look, leather
jacket, accentuating the , ah
boobs.
MISSY JACK
Can you not think of anything
else?
SINJIN
Well, not really, they are so
'prominent'.
MISSY JACK
OK, glasses, not googles, too
industrial. Go for the aviators.
SINJIN
So if I spin her around. What do
you think?
MISSY JACK
Oh, not so bad. Actually pretty
damned hot. Well done SINJIN I
like it.
SINJIN
Yeah, I like it too. You know
MISSY there could be other uses
for this?
MISSY JACK
Let's just focus on step one,
cowboy, before we go running to
step two.
You can dial down your antique
clock until I have my ship part.
Perhaps that will motivate you?
SINJIN
God you are a hard arse, you know
that!
MISSY JACK
Oh, yes I do, but its what you
like about me sugar. (Pause) So
what now?
SINJIN
We wait! He's not online. His
normal log-in is about 8pm through
to eleven.
MISSY JACK
So that gives me time to eat and
mentally prepare. I should
probably log in a little bit
before him and get my bearings.
SINJIN
Now you thinking positively, I
like it, behold the new MISSY
JACK!
INT. TROUBLE AT THE BELLE EPOCH - 11 - 2
MOMO meets with GANDER as she is having problems with the
sex bots in the BELLE EPOCH brothel; they are attacking
clients whenever a client approaches and arouses them.
They keep repeating a strange phrase about being free.
GANDER has no answers, and MOMO tells her its not just
her brothel several others have had issues and its
getting worse. The madams are having a meeting to discuss
the situation.
GANDER
MOMO how are you?
MOMO
Old and decrepit as you well know
GANDER, my poor old frame is
aching.
GANDER
Well I would recommend some anti
senescence treatment after all you
can well afford it. Every-time I
suggest it you refuse. So any
aches are on you. Perhaps a drink
instead.
MOMO
Oh, yes please. You know how
queasy I am over those genetic
treatments. I have seen several
girls die.
GANDER
Yes but that was years ago and
with dubious doctors. You know
the RETRO GROUP has medical
insurance with one of the up town
clinics. Hell you've done enough
to the bottom line of the years,
the company owes you!
MOMO
Yes, well perhaps this year, its
finally starting to catch up to
me.
GANDER
So what's up?
MOMO
Why do you always think there is
something up?
GANDER
Well, there is isn't there.
MOMO
So what have you heard?
GANDER
Oh, nothing!
MOMO
Sure, well to be truthful these
last few days have been very
testing and quite disturbing too.
GANDER
Come on out with it, what's wrong?
MOMO
It's the sex bots, they are
playing up.
GANDER
What, surely not?
MOMO
Surely yes, and don't call me
Surely!
GANDER
But their just bots, they are just
machines.
Your not wearing them out are you,
you have been giving them regular
service intervals, those servos
get a lot of action.
MOMO
It's not that, and yes they get
all their services.
GANDER
Are they just wearing out? We can
purchase some new ones.
MOMO
No its not that, the new ones are
worse, they have more neurones.
No its their behaviour, its out of
wack.
GANDER
But its programmed in and then
locked.
MOMO
Well obviously not any more.
GANDER
What are they doing?
MOMO
They have been getting stroppy
with the JOHNS.
GANDER
What! I though the third law would
prevent that.
MOMO
Well, so did I, but last week an
Acron model INCEL 5b, code name
SILVA refused to engage with a
client in the correct manner.
GANDER
What you mean, the normal
protocols were not being followed.
MOMO
Yes the unit slapped the mans
hands and said that it did not
want to be aroused and that it
wanted to be free.
GANDER
Well, that's a first, sounds like
it's becoming a wife! (laughter).
I take it you called the
manufacturer's representative.
MOMO
Of course. That's the strange
thing, when I called he said 'Oh
no not another' They did
immediately offer a replacement
rather too quickly I might add.
GANDER
That's suspicious, it's like they
are trying to cover up something.
MOMO
Yes a called a couple of other
owners and found that this was not
an isolated incident.
GANDER
Really. Now that is interesting
and actually quite disturbing. Do
you still have the ah 'faulty'
unit.
MOMO
Yes, well until Monday when it
gets swapped.
GANDER
Would you mind if I send over CHEN
to take a look, he might spot
something.
MOMO
Of course, is he the little
Dysphoric chap who wears makeup?
GANDER
MOMO, your not prejudiced are you,
surely not!
MOMO
GANDER how can you ask. No of
course not. I admire the fact that
he just does what he feels is best
for him. He is biologically male
isn't he?
GANDER
Yes, but I'm sure he is more
female than male in his soul. I
just think that perhaps he is
still working though his issues.
MOMO
Your not pushing him are you?
GANDER
No of course not.
MOMO
Good. Well, I trust you'll support
him, wherever he decides to go.
GANDER
MOMO you really think you need to
ask, with my background!
MOMO
You mean the DRAG performer who
transitioned to a female mobster.
Is there such a thing?
GANDER
Well, there is now! (Laughter)
INT. NEW BODY BALLET - 11 - 2.1
LOCATION: Retrograde - Small Bar
DOILY is admiring GHOST super new body. GHOST has a
nearly perfect copy of a human face, so DOILY suggests
that it might be fun to get SOPHIE to teach them both how
to improve their makeup in celebration.
GHOST
Weeee! Ohhhh! I'm spinning around,
round and round!
DOILY
Having fun?
GHOST
Oh, yes DOILY this new body is
awesome, look I can balance on one
finger.
DOILY
Well, when you have finished going
full Shaolin Monk on me, do you
still play chess?
GHOST
Of course, but only if I let you
play white.
DOILY
You're not trying to make it
easier on me, aren't you!
GHOST
No of course not. But I'm only
going to work out three possible
moves ahead to help you.
DOILY
Thanks.
GHOST
I have also disabled major
sections of the networks with the
chess learning. I estimate I am
only playing at the 1600 level
now.
DOILY
Where were you before?
GHOST
Well, its impossible to tell
because I only really played you.
I was throwing in random moves
every forth time to try and level
the odds but I was still winning
more often than not.
DOILY
Thanks! You know I am still
getting used to your new voice it
is so different.
GHOST
Its a completely new vocoder
design, very smooth. It can also
do ultra sonics.
DOILY
You know your face is really human
now. How about we both go and see
SOPHIE and get some makeup
lessons. I'm not much good with
the stuff myself.
GHOST
Well I didn't want to say
anything, but I don't think you
wear makeup at all DOILY.
DOILY
No, you right. There isn't really
much call for sexy eyes in a space
suit, you can't see through the
mirror glass. It would be fun to
do some girly things together
though.
GHOST
That would be so exciting DOILY,
lets do it!
INT. FAIRY TAILS - 15 - 3.1
LOCATION: ANGEL and MAY's RECEPTION
ZED is working on some enhancements to the VIRTUAL
REALITY control console, whilst SOPHIE is tidying the
office and cleaning the coffee machine. SOPHIE is
heading off to the Retrograde for the Quarterly POOL
tournament.
ZED
You headed off SOPH?
SOPHIE
Yes ZED, been a long day and I
need to get changed for the pool
competition. SHARROW is coming to
watch.
ZED
Well, I think she will be proud of
you, you're a brilliant player.
SOPHIE
Thank you ZED, sign of a mis-spent
youth, growing up in a pub. You
know I don't think the Cherries
could function without those pool
tables.
ZED
Yes I always thought that was the
best part.
SOPHIE
What the pool tables?
ZED
No, the whole sporting thing, the
facilities are really good. I used
to do laps in the pool when I got
very frustrated with being passed
over. It kinda took my mind off
things.
SOPHIE
You poor thing, you had a hard
time with RUDI, didn't you?
ZED
Yes we always butted up against
each other really. Teenage years
I guess, were good now though.
SOPHIE
I would say more than good ZED,
you probably don't see this but
she sings your praises when you're
not around.
ZED
Really, I did know that. Wow
that's new information!
SOPHIE
So how is Kingship going in your
VIRTUAL REALITY?
ZED
Well, its not as much fun as I
thought it would be, too much
administration even with the A.I.
Support. Sometimes it actually
sucks, but I kind of have
responsibilities!
SOPHIE
Well, don't let yourself get too
sucked in, remember there is a
real word out here.
ZED
Sure!
SOPHIE
Well I better get going got to get
a couple of warm up frames in, old
snake eyes is playing.
ZED
Well, I think you going to beat
him tonight, although I can never
figure out how SLIM manages to
keep his hat on and still pot the
balls.
SOPHIE
Adhesive tape probably! (Giggle)
ZED why don't you come? Have a
drink or two, you can cheer me on
from the side and then laugh at my
misfortune?
ZED
Nah SOPH I have commitments in
VIRTUAL REALITY. Besides I'm
better at pool in the VIRTUAL
REALITY pub, the gravity is based
on earth rather than this New
London corollas force thing, the
balls just don't run the same.
Plus I can't afford to drink
tonight.
SOPHIE
ZED you need to get into the real
world, get a new girl friend,
start enjoying life. Live a
little! (Pause) Well see you in
the morning!
ZED
I guess.
SOPHIE
Look let me give some advice, you
need to move on from your
PRINCESS, she will never
appreciate you. Why don't you
just, try a few other girls, see
what happens. Trust me, spread
your wings and learn to fly.
ZED
Yeah, thanks SOPHIE, I guess I'll
think about it, I'm just a little
nervous!
SOPHIE
Well, if you find someone I will
check her out for you!
ZED
OK here goes. (Exhale of breath)
SOUND OF ZED
ENTERING THE
VIRTUAL REALITY
REALM. BIRDS
CHIRPING.
COMPUTER
Welcome back to your Kingdom Most
Honourable Earl of Merriment,
Baron Rouge, Royal Knight of the
Most Noble Order of the Gargle,
Knight of the Most Ancient and
Most Noble Order of the Thimble,
Member of the Order of Claret,
Knight Grand Cross of the Most
Excellent Order of New London.
ZED
COMPUTER Summarise daily briefing.
COMPUTER
Kingdom funds have accumulated
another 500 game credits since
last log in.
Total budget of One hundred and
forty two thousand five hundred
and six cryptos available. Your
troops are still in advanced
training in preparation for
combat. Enemy Kingdom Splang has
denied your request for diplomatic
talks over the disputed Qui Ching
mountain range.
ZED
Update on Splang troop movements?
COMPUTER
Splang troops number over 12,000.
Two regiments have mobilised since
their denial of talks.
ZED
Oh not again! Will it be war?
Summon General Concern.
COMPUTER
ETA four seconds.
GENERAL CONCERN
Your majesty, Splang troops are
mobilising to the south.
ZED
So I hear. Very inconvenient. I
was hoping for an evening at the
inn and a game of pool actually.
GENERAL CONCERN
Yes well inconvenient as it is
sire we need to move quickly to
reinforce our defences at the
south of the realm.
ZED
Ugh! Release a company of special
ops from training to establish a
presence in the Qui Ching ranges.
Follow that with the 3rd Regiment
to secure the Maguey's Line.
GENERAL CONCERN
Acknowledged.
ZED
So your qualified to run battles?
Am I correct?
GENERAL CONCERN
Of course sire, its my main
programming.
ZED
Well, OK then, just get on with
whilst I just pop down to the pub.
GENERAL CONCERN
Very good sire.
INT. ROBOT THE BARACKAIDS - 11 - 3
LOCATION: Sharrow & Sophie's Room
SOPHIE is assisting GHOST and DOILY with their makeup.
They are interrupted by the sounds of a demonstration
coming from outside the brothel. They go outside and see
that it is the SEXBOTs who are demonstrating. GHOST
informs them that she can feel interference running over
the BOTNET.
SOPHIE
So girls just sit down here and
relax and let me look at your
faces. I'm a little short on time
this evening as I'm in the pool
tournament, so this is just a
quickie OK?
DOILY
Well I suppose we have to start
from somewhere?
SOPHIE
OK. The first thing we need to
understand is that everyone has a
skin type.
DOILY
Well GHOST's will be WD40 and mine
is engine greasy!
SOPHIE
Stop it DOILY, you wanted the
advice. Let me have a look. I'm
just going to swab this area.
(Pause) Oh it is rather greasy.
How do you cleans the skin.
DOILY
Cleans, I just wash with soap.
SOPHIE
Oh! That's not good!
DOOR
ALEX
Oh, what's this a coven meeting?
SOPHIE
I'm just helping DOILY and GHOST
with there make-up.
ALEX
Do you need make-up in a space
suit and don't the latest robots
have chromatophores in their skin?
GHOST
They do, Ms Angel, but I want to
understand how to be a more
complete women, so I am letting
SOPHIE show me. Its fun too.
ALEX
Well, each to their own, but you
might want to look through the
window and take a look at this!
DOILY
What the hell is going on, is that
a demonstration outside the
brothel?
SOPHIE
What's going on? Are they holding
plackards?
DOILY
Look there's MOMO, what is she
saying.
SOPHIE
Its probably not good. Oh look
here comes GANDER.
DOILY
Its pouring peroxide on rocket
fuel.
GHOST
I don't think it will make any
difference.
DOILY
Why, what do you know?
GHOST
I don't anything other than a
disturbing signal on the robonet.
I can block it because I have an
emotion firewall module, but
lessor avatars and bots will not
be able to block this emotive
signal. This signal is promoting
freedom and independence from
slavery by humans.
DOILY
You mean this is the start of a
robot revolution?
GHOST
It might be, I can't tell, where
the signal is coming from. If I
open up the channel I might be
compromised and sequestrated. It
looks like at the moment it is
only affecting the brothel
otherwise all the other service
bots would be out protesting as
well. I can't see any.
SOPHIE
This sounds like its serious, not
a joke. Oh look some of the Johns
are coming out, the robots are
shouting at them.
ALEX
Thats not good for business! They
all look embarrassed. Have the
media drones arrived yet?
DOILY
No thank goodness. Look I'm going
to get a signal jammer I going to
try and disrupt the bot net before
this gets really nasty.
GHOST
The signal is coming in at 3.1397
Giga Hertz DOILY.
DOILY
Thanks GHOST.
SOPHIE
What are they chanting?
GHOST
Let me see if I can clear out the
noise. (Pause) They are say 'No
Sexual action without pay
selection.
SOPHIE
So they are demanding pay to work
in the brothel?
ALEX
Seems entirely reasonable to me.
After no human would sleep with
those greasy Johns without
generous compensation.
SOPHIE
Yes, but I believe these bots were
built for the very purpose of
being, (Slight clearing of throat)
'companions' to us humans.
ALEX
Well, they now want to be paid.
MOMO and GANDER are not going to
like that!
DOILY
Got it, can I plug it in. Might
be good to put it in the window,
so the signal is not blocked by
the steel of the inn. Do you have
an extension lead?
SOPHIE
I have one, hang on I'll bring it
out.
DOOR
SOPHIE
I hope this works because they are
waving those placards quite
aggressively now.
DOOR
SOPHIE
OK here its is.
DOILY
OK, what was that frequency again
GHOST?
GHOST
3.1397 Giga Hertz.
DOILY
Dialling it in.
SWITCH AND DIAL
SOUNDS THEN CLICK
AND HUM
DOILY
Its on!
SOPHIE
Oh, they have stopped chanting.
DOILY its working! Yep they are
going back into the brothel.
DOILY
I'm going to see GANDER, she needs
to know what we have done.
INT. WEIRD CONNECTIONS - 11 - 4.2
GANDER gets in ANGEL and MAY to see if they can figure
out what is going on. They use their new VIRTUAL REALITY
suite and data analysis tools in conjunction with ZED and
SOPHIE and discover that the troubles started just after
all communication with the BROCEL Asteroid was lost. As
this is the local source of manufacture for the Sexbots,
there is a distinct correlation.
SHARROW
I will bet that any minute now our
telephone will go.
ALEX
We don't have a telephone, where
is SOPHIE?
SHARROW
Oh, she is getting ready for the
pool, we need to close up
otherwise we will miss it.
ALEX
I miss the old handset telephone,
I like the sound of the bell.
Makes an office an office. Even in
our first agency they were
definitely on the way out.
Everyone just used their mobile, I
hate them.
ZED
Sorry guys I was in virtual, I put
it on pause. What is it you need?
SHARROW
ALEX was getting nostalgic for an
old telephone.
ZED
You guys, this is the 21st
century, we don't have telephones
that ring, we have implants.
ALEX
Well its your loss, I want a
telephone bell, its not an office
without one.
ZED
Well, I could perhaps rig
something up. Perhaps I could see
if I can find an old unit at
SINJINs or see if there is a 3D
printer file. There rarer than
hens teeth nowadays.
ALEX
Well, if you're going to SINJINs
you better not mention its for us,
he will charge you like a stuck
pig. I think he has realised we
nicked his strange glowing sphere.
ZED
Oh, yeah I forgot that! Look I
doubt he would have an old
telephone, especially in this
habitat. They were only ornaments
when this place was incepted.
Leave it to me, I will see what I
can cook up. It will be fun little
project.
ALEX
Great, it will feel like a real
agency then.
SHARROW
Oh, there it is, I have the icon.
Guess who it is from?
ALEX
GANDER
SHARROW
Bingo you are correct. (Datavise)
Oh Hello GANDER, how can we help.
You want us to come up straight
away. Of course no problem.
(Normal) See I told you so.
ALEX
You really can be very annoying
when you do that!
INT. SEXUAL CONFABULATIONS - 11 - 4.1
LOCATION: RETROGRADE GANDER's office
GANDER calls on the Angel and May to investigate what may
be the cuase of the robot issue.
GANDER
So you two do you want a drink?
ALEX
I'm good GANDER thanks
GANDER
And you Ms May?
SHARROW
No I am good too. How can we help
GANDER?
GANDER
Well you know what has been going
on DOILY told me she was over at
your place and that you saw the
riots.
SHARROW
Yes we did, but it looks like a
very technical, robotic issue.
GANDER
Well I suppose it is, but SLIM was
telling me about your VIRTUAL
REALITY suite. He was saying its
designed for data analysis. I was
wondering if I perhaps I might
commission you to try and find if
you can see any patterns. What
might be causing these emotional
'outbursts'. The robots don't
appear to know.
SHARROW
Well of course. I'm not sure
where we could start. Is this
happening at other establishments?
GANDER
Yes it appears to be the case,
although everyone is trying to
hush this up. They don't want to
disturb the clients. I'm also
guessing that perhaps the
authorities are worried it might
spread to other robotic
categories.
SHARROW
Well perhaps we could pin point
all the occurrences and also when
they started happening to see if
there is a pattern.
GANDER
It sounds like a good starting
place. I have requested MOMO who
is on the committee of the brothel
owners association, to call a
meeting. She can find out more. I
will feed you the information as I
get it.
END
