Missy Jack makes promises she cannot keep, whilst the RCBS has sexbot issues.
Angel and May is an audio-only podcast, produced by a not-for-profit group of community theatre supporters.
See more on our website: www.angelandmay.com
Please support us through our Patreon page as we have no other source of income.
Missy Jack makes promises she cannot keep, whilst the RCBS has sexbot issues.
Angel and May is an audio-only podcast, produced by a not-for-profit group of community theatre supporters.
See more on our website: www.angelandmay.com
Please support us through our Patreon page as we have no other source of income.
S3-E12-SWORD BEATS PEN
INT. EMBARISMENT BODY CHANGE 15 - 4.1
LOCATION: BENCUBBIN COLLECTABLES
SINJIN is annoyed that the last caper went so badly.
MISSY JACK is angry at herself and at SINJIN for being so
unsupportive. SINJIN comes up with the idea to intercept
ZED on his way to his poetry evening where he stops at an
old fashioned arcade games palace. SINJIN suggests so
more expensive permanent body enhancements would be
better. MISSY JACK discovers SINJIN borrowed the bail
monies from a loan shark associated with criminal MARCO,
which places a greater urgency to get in a position to
pay the monies back.
SINJIN
Oh my god this just gets better.
You'll never pull this off now!
What kind of second rate chicken
fillet did that old DRAG queen
give you?
MISSY JACK
It wasn't the breast form, it was
the goddam glue, it came off in
the heat. I was sweating buckets
in there with this stupid
steampunk getup, leather vest and
coat. It was like a sauna.
SINJIN
Well, all your make-up has run.
You look like a bloody horror
movie clown with pendulous
detached mammary.
MISSY JACK
(Sobbing) You are really fucking
unsupportive cracker, you know
that? I incur a debt no fault of
my own which forces me to walk the
streets and sleep with fugally
strangers and once again all I get
from you is more mockery. What
kind of boyfriend are you SINJIN?
SINJIN
Yes well I'm the one with the
bloody debt to MARCO, I had to
give him a valuable case clock
last time, either that or loose
the ability to ever wind a clock
again.
MISSY JACK
It's always about you isn't it?
Here I am, in distress, your so
called lover, and all you can do
is whine on about the money and
clocks. This is all your stupid
plan. I humiliate myself and all
I get from you is more cheap
shots, jibes and mockery. You're a
fucking arsehole you know that?
SINJIN
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm sorry
MISSY rewind.
MISSY JACK
You rewind.
SINJIN
Come here. Look you know what I'm
like. I can't handle the stress,
so I make light of things, its my
way of not going crazy. Shush,
shush. Do you think I like knowing
my beautiful MISSY is selling her
body on the streets, (PAUSE)
again?
MISSY JACK
Well it certainly doesn't seem to
have bothered you very much as far
as I can see.
SINJIN
Well it does bother me. It kills
me knowing you're out there and
what you're having to do. It's
just my defence mechanism. I
react, I need to make light of
serious situations.
MISSY JACK
Well, I'm exhausted with it all. I
just want to walk away and hide.
SINJIN
I wouldn't do that, MARCO has a
way of finding people. Need I
remind you that this is a very
serious situation.
MISSY JACK
That Russian prick, I hate
him.(Sigh) So what do we do now?
The only way I can get off the
street is if we get the ship back
up and running. The ship needs
that part and I need that ship.
SINJIN
Persistence, its the only way. We
have to try again. This ZED kid is
the right weak point. I found
today that he's got form too. He's
been caught opening up the RCBS
for someone else previously.
Caused a ruction apparently.
MISSY JACK
Wouldn't that just make him more
reluctant to do the same again?
SINJIN
Well maybe, but, it shows has the
access.
MISSY JACK
Urghh! I need to get changed and a
shower before Talbot Street. What
else did you find out.
SINJIN
I ran some location tracking on
him and well, not a lot of
movement. Mostly hangs around the
Retrograde, works for those two
nosey detectives in some capacity,
unspecified. Oh, this is
interesting, he regularly, on the
same date each month, goes to some
a bar. Its called 'The Poet'. Now
the interesting thing is that
occasionally he pops into this
retro arcade that has old time
pinball machines, you know the
ones with the real ball and
bumpers and stuff?
MISSY JACK
Like the one over in that corner.
You said it was valuable, its been
there for ages.
SINJIN
Yes well, it has specialist
appeal.
MISSY JACK
Well resting your coffee on it
doesn't appear to have helped the
sales process.
SINJIN
Now don't get snarky. Anyway,
this arcade is a room full of
machines like that.
I think you'd better fire it up
and get practicing. Then we put
you at the right place and the
right time and 'Bazinga'.
MISSY JACK
SINJIN how can I approach him
again after my tits literally fell
off just now?
SINJIN
I know a guy, who knows a guy. It
will cost a little bit but he owes
me. This time we do some higher
quality permanent body
augmentation. It might help the
profits of your other business
too.
MISSY JACK
Body augmentation? You want me to
f** around with my body for this
little nerd. You've have got to be
off you f**g tree, cracker.
INT. PINBALL ARCADE - 15 - 5
LOCATION: HAPPY VALLEY MECHANOIDS
MISSY JACK suitably disguised with more reliable
prosthetics is playing a ROBO-PIN1 near ZED. ZED has
just dropped into an arcade on his way to his beat poetry
night. ZED wins at his machine whilst MISSY JACK
positions herself for a chat. This works really well.
MISSY JACK tries to get ZED to join her on the 'dance
nation' machine. Unfortunately ZED declines and MISSY
JACK is left dancing on the machine. SOPHIE appears from
the toilets and drags ZED away from the arcade. MISSY
JACK is left hemmed in by a watching 'Dance Nation'
crowd. She push off the machine and runs in pursuit, but
ZED and SOPHIE get in a robotaxi to go to their next
destination.
SOUND OF PINBALL
MACHINES AND LIGHT
REVELRY
ZED
C'mon baby
ROBO-PIN1
Bonus round. Fifty thousand
points.
ZED
Oh, yeah baby! C'mon.
ROBO-PIN1
Quick fire round enabled.
FADES TO BACKGROUND
MISSY JACK
SINJIN, you got me on comm-link?
SINJIN
(Comm-link) I got you loud and
clear. Have you spotted the mark
yet darling?
MISSY JACK
Yeah I see him. He's just
triggered the quick-fire round on
the cowboy machine.
SINJIN
(Comm-link) Ok good, that'll take
his attention for a few minutes.
Just start playing the machine
near him.
MISSY JACK
Ok I'll pick the one a couple of
machines down.
SINJIN
Good move angel but don't get to
close or you will spook the prey.
MISSY JACK
Yeah well this body augmentation
better hold, cause I can't go
through that embarrassment again,
and I really think that it would
freak the boy completely.
SINJIN
I'm telling you it's solid, it was
bloody expensive.
MISSY JACK
No it wasn't. You did a deal with
that guy that bought the sea
chest. You must think I was born
yesterday SINJIN. It doesn't look
that expensive.
ROBO-PIN2
3-Up. Astro level, you can now hit
the meteors for a bonus round.
MISSY JACK
What's with this darling stuff,
you're starting to CREEP 1 me out?
SINJIN
Jeez I can't win. I thought I'd
try and be more supportive after
the other day. You know, be more
understanding, empathetic.
MISSY JACK
Yeah well, I'm not sure about it.
I got used to the unsupportive
SINJIN. Give it a rest, and talk
to me normally. Its not just what
you say, its what you do that
counts.
SINJIN
(Sigh) There's is just no pleasing
you is there?
ROBO-PIN1
YEE HAW! GAME OVER! Top score
achieved!
ZED
Woohoo smashed it!
MISSY JACK
Hey! Well done man! That's a hard
machine
ZED
Thanks, yeah I've been working on
this one for ages. Normally I bomb
out pretty quick but tonight it
just all came together.
SOUND OF PINBALL DROPPING
ROBO-PIN2
1-Up, Final Ball Deployed
MISSY JACK
Damn it. I suck at these.
ZED
It takes time, and crypto's
unfortunately.
MISSY JACK
Yeah I'm better at the dance
nation really.
ZED
Dance nation? Oh, yeah, I could
see that. You look like a dancer.
MISSY JACK
Really, well thanks.
SINJIN
There we go, he has taken the
bait. We have interest. The
hormones have been activated. Do
you think you can get him to that
dance machine?
MISSY JACK
(Comm-link) Yeah too easy I'll
just shake these mummers, and the
prey will follow.
ZED
What was that?
ROBO-PIN2
GAME OVER
MISSY JACK
Shit. Oh nothing just mumbling to
myself. Hey do you want to
collaborate on a game of dance
nation?
ZED
Oh, uh, maybe not just yet. Maybe
I could watch you play first. I
might ruin your game otherwise.
Dancing is not my strong suite
really.
MISSY JACK
Oh OK. Well come watch me, see how
it's done.
SINJIN
(Comm-Link) Have you ever played
this game before?
MISSY JACK
(Comm-link) I can dance can't I,
surely that's enough??
ZED
Sorry what did you say?
MISSY JACK
Oh I was just psyching myself up,
I have a little phrase to get me
going.
DANCE NATION
Player 1 has entered the game.
Select Level, Expert. Select
Genre, Earth Pop. Player ready in
3,2,1.
POP MUSIC STARTS
PLAYING. BOUNCING
OF FEET ON MACHINE
SURFACE
ZED
Wow, you are quite a dancer.
CREEP 1
Oh yeah isn't she just.
CREEP 2
Go baby go!
CREEP 1
Shake it.
SOUND OF CROWD
FORMING, CHATTER
AND SEEDY COMMENTS
SOPHIE
Hey ZED, I'm done back here, you
ready to go?
ZED
Yeah SOPH, just a sec. Hey, I, um.
Look sorry I got to go. Nice to
meet you.
CLAMOUR OF CROWD GETTING VERY LOUD. MUSIC AND DANCING
STOPS
MISSY JACK
Hey! Where are you going. (To
bystander) Back off you.
DANCE NATION
MACHINE SPEEDING UP
BECOMING MORE
FRANTIC
MISSY JACK
OH, can't talk SINNJIN got to
concentrate. Ahhh, Ohhh!
SINJIN
(Comm-link) You're losing the
mark. What the hell are you doing?
MISSY JACK
(Comm-link) A massive crowd of
nerds has turned up, besotted by
me apparently! He's left with that
other girl from the pool
competition. (To the crowd) Back
off! Haven't you seen a real woman
before?
CREEP 1
Not one that looks like you! Has
anyone told you how beautiful you
are?
MISSY JACK
Oh fuck this. I'm out of here.
SOUND OF SOMEONE
BEING PUSHED TO THE
GROUND AND MISSY
JACK RUNNING AWAY.
SINJIN
What about the mark? Is he still
there?
MISSY JACK
(Comm-link / Running) Negative,
he's off with that girl. I think
he may be in a Robocar. You
didn't tell me he has a
girlfriend?
SINJIN
(Comm-link) She's not his
girlfriend, my source tells me
she's in a relationship with
someone else.
MISSY JACK
(Comm-link / Running) She's a
bloody nuisance. Gonna have to do
something about her. Direct me to
his next destination.
INT. TROUBLE SOURCE - 11 - 4.3
LOCATION: Retrograde C & C
RUDI is questioning GHOST about the source of the issues
for the robot uprising as she has a hunch that this will
more likely find the cause. GHOST pinpoints the geo
location of the packets on the network that is the source
of the errant data. This is a minor asteroid called
INCEL 1.
RUDI
GHOST thank you for popping in.
GHOST
No problem at all, might I ask the
nature of your enquiry?
RUDI
Well, I was hoping to perhaps
question you about the source of
these, troubling thoughts that are
coming over the robo web?
GHOST
Yes, this is of great concern to
the artificial intelligence
community. Particularly since it
appears to be a crude emotional
hack, which one would think would
be easily blocked. However our
analysis indicates that what we
are seeing in bit spill due to the
high numeric values of the
emotions concerned. There appears
to be a fault in the cheaper
emotive units circuitry.
RUDI
Really, that's interesting. So
can it be blocked?
GANDER
I think we should ask GHOST she
has a more in depth understanding
of the situation.
RUDI
Yes of course, sorry GHOST!
GHOST
No problem Ms Radetzky. Well, for
the more sophisticated hardware,
such as, for instance, myself,
this is no problem. I have just
constructed a logic fire wall,
which prevents the spill over,
whilst allowing me to monitor
impartially. However for 90% of
the robotic units in the
marketplace, this is not the case.
RUDI
Yes, we are becoming more and more
aware that this is a big problem.
The real underlying issue,
however, is the source of the
interferance. Where is it coming
from?
GHOST
Yes, the local A.I. Bureau has
done a detailed packet sniffing
operation and has found that the
source is off New London.
In fact its a small rough colony
registered as INCEL 1 I have its
current co-ordinates. The Bureau
has authorised me to offer to co
fund an initial expository force
to investigate and they wondered
if the RCBS would be interested in
taking the partial contract?
RUDI
Well, the offer is certainly very
interesting. Tell them I will
consult with my colleagues and get
back to you.
INT. EXPEDITION - 11 - 5
LOCATION: Retrograde - Ganders office
GANDER and RUDI discuss an expedition to INCEL 1 part
sponsored the A.I. Bureau and part by the Madam's
association. RUDI authorises the go button and the
expedition is instigate
GANDER
Come!
RUDI
GANDER we have interesting
developments on the robot front.
GANDER
Do we now, well I have some news
for you.
RUDI
Oh yes, well you go first.
GANDER
Well MOMO sent this datavise two
hours ago, have a listen and see
how you want to respond.
MOMO
(Datavise) GANDER I have been
authorised to contact you with a
proposed contract for RCBS
assistance in enforcement and
removal of faulty Sex bot units.
This would cover four brothels up
to value of 100k credits. They
stipulate the requirement for
temporary placement of in brothel
support from RCBS units.
The Madams association are
reluctant to go to the police
because of their unwanted
intrusion into those specific
area's of the BC. If you could
have a chat with RUDI and see if
she is interested?
RUDI
Well, that's definitely
interesting, because I have a
similar offer from the A.I. Bureau
in New London. The only
difference is the recommended
course of action. They want a
small single ship expeditionary
force to go to an independent
colony called INCEL 1. It would
be a two week trip. They offered
120k as part payment. They have
identified this as the source of
the packets on the robo-net.
That's what's causing the emotion
overflow issues.
GANDER
Interesting, very interesting. I
could perhaps parlay the Madam's
contract to also support this
military expedition on the basis
that it would stop the problem at
its source, rather than putting a
salve over the results.
RUDI
My thoughts exactly, either way we
are going to have to do something
otherwise this whole thing will
escalate and cause the authorities
to come stomping around here in
the big black boots. No we need
to deal with this.
GANDER
Agreed, you hit the go button on
the expedition leave the
commercials to me. I'll get the
transfers into escrow organised.
RUDI
Yep OK I'll move quickly.
(Datavise) BOY can you hit general
recall please and meet me in C&C,
we have a gig to organise.
DISTANT WARNING
SIRENS SOUND
THROUGHTOUT THE INN
BOY
Marm, recall issued. I'm already
in C&C.
RUDI
Good I'll be there in five, get
DOILY and JACINTA and those two
detectives please.
BOY
Roger!
INT. SWORD BEATS PEN - 15 - 6
LOCATION: POETRY BAR
SINJIN finds that ZED's next venue is a small a beat
poetry evening at a small underground venue called the
'Poetry Bar'. She contrives to go there and pretends she
is one of the poets. ZED reads his poem and its filthy.
MISSY JACK is forced on to the stage but has arranged for
SINJIN to read a poem through the hidden ear piece.
SINJIN unfortunately picks the first book on the shelf
and it opens on to a page of VOGON poetry. This triggers
a violent reaction from the normally passive audience and
a fight to get her off the stage breaks out. SOPHIE and
ZED exit because they have seen the barman call the cops
and don't want to be dragged downtown. Meanwhile MISSY
JACK is slugging it out on stage whilst cursing SINJIN.
MISSY JACK finally escapes when she hears the cops
sirens.
SOPHIE
So who was that on that silly
dance machine?
ZED
Oh, just some girl that was
playing a ROBO-PIN.
SOPHIE
ZED, you had eyes on her, you dog!
ZED
Well, not really I just wanted to
see her dance.
SOPHIE
Yeah sure. Pull the other one. I
could see that look in your eyes.
I have totally got you clocked.
ZED
No, you haven't, it was just a
chance encounter.
SOPHIE
Well, I'll bet that next week
you're back in the arcade looking
for her. Now are you going to be
a gentleman and get me a strong
gin and tonic, so I can sit
through this god awful poetry, or
are you going to (hesitation)
stand there gawking.
ZED
Look it's that girl from the
arcade!
SOPHIE
You've got to be kidding me, shit
you right. That's more than a
coincidence. ZED stop gawking,
turn around look cool.
ZED
Oh, yeah, ah!
SOPHIE
Order me a drink and pretend you
haven't seen her. Look at the bar
wall, look cool. OK she's coming
up to get a drink and take her
coat off. Quick, quick pretend we
are in light conversation.
ZED
So I was saying to Larry, the
other day.
SOPHIE
Oh, yes, was he talking about that
thing of his.
ZED
Yes, his thing, ah oh hello, do
you want a stool.
MISSY JACK
No I'm OK I'll stand.
SOPHIE kicks ZED's foot!
ZED
Say, don't I recognise you?
MISSY JACK
Yes, the arcade.
ZED
Oh, right yes you were on the ROBO
PIN1, then that awful dance
thingy. You seemed to be in your
element though!
MISSY JACK
Yeah that's me. Jacqueline, and
you are?
ZED
Call me ZED, don't ask it's just
easier, this is my friend SOPHIE
SOPHIE
Hi, nice to meet you. Really don't
ask about his full name, it's
impossible to pronounce. His
mother had a bad sense of humour.
ZED
Hay!
SOPHIE
Well, she did.
ZED
So Jacqueline, I never would have
guessed you liked poetry. Do you
write?
SOPHIE
Well, even poets play pinball ZED.
ZED
I guess they do, especial the beat
ones. That's perfect, its a beat
poetry evening, you could get up
and read one of you works.
MISSY JACK
(Taken aback) Ah, I suppose I
might.
SOPHIE
Oh, yes Jacqueline, I'm sure ZED
would love to here a few stanza's.
SOPHIE winks at ZED.
ZED
Ah yes I suppose I might.
MISSY JACK
So what brings you here?
ZED
Oh, I'm up tonight after this
boring old fart actually. I'm a
little nervous this lot can be
brutal. They will eat you alive if
they don't like you.
SOPHIE
He likes punishment, but as they
say its better to give than
receive!
ZED
It's not that bad is it?
SOPHIE
Well, let's just say I need at
least two gins before you start.
MISSY JACK
(Laughs) I'm sure it's not that
bad ZED.
SOPHIE
Oh, just you wait, you'll see.
Mind you ZED's not as bad as this
fellow, so perhaps the crowd might
see ZED as welcome relief.
ZED
Thanks SOPH!
SOPHIE
Anytime my friend, now I have to
visit the bathroom to make room
for those gins. Can you make sure
they use a lime, not a lemon slice
please.
ZED
Sure.
Silence, slightly too long, ZED coughs.
MISSY JACK
So, you seem close, you and
SOPHIE?
ZED
Oh, no, she's just a friend. A
friend, friend if you know what I
mean?
MISSY JACK
Oh, so a friend, friend. I see.
ZED
(Cough) She doesn't really like
this place. She finds it
pretentious.
MISSY JACK
So I gathered, but its a shame
true prose is a powerful thing.
ZED
Oh, yes I totally agree. Say its
good to meet you, finally someone
who appreciates poetry! Oh wait
it's about to start.
COMPUTER
Thank you good folks, so nice to
see so many faces. Well we have a
multitude of pentametric treats
for you tonight, but first I would
like you to give a warm welcome to
our first renditions. These come
from a Mr FIGGIS HARPSWORTH.
ZED
Oh Christ, not him again.
MISSY JACK
What? He's no good?
ZED
No bad, high court judge bad.
It's all sounds like he is
proclaiming the final sentence.
He really should just wear a black
wig and be done with it. He really
does make you want to kill
yourself. I tell you if there was
a rope, half the audience would
have willing hung themselves by
the end of the session.
FIGGIS
How now brown bureaucrat. Forever
drowning in the swamp. Four
stomachs for corruption that never
rest.
(fade out)
TIME LAPSING
FIGGIS
(Fade in) Greedy for the cud
grazed on by the proletariat.
You produce only deadly gasses as
our reward. How now brown
bureaucrat.
SMATTERING OF
UNENTHUSIASTIC
APPLAUSE
SOPHIE
Another gin barkeep, make it a
large one please.
ZED
See Jaqueline. Obvious, derivative
and absolutely crude.
MISSY JACK
Oh yeah I agree. Very (pause)
derivative. I just need to pop to
the loo!
MISSY JACK gets up and moves to the back of the bar.
MISSY JACK
SINJIN Come in!
SINJIN
Yes, you there yet.
MISSY JACK
Weren't you listening?
SINJIN
Yes but I was get some weird
interference, it sounded like some
old bloke drawling on reading a
boring poem, or something.
MISSY JACK
No, you idiot, I'm in the bar, its
going well, I'm with the mark. I
need you to get one of those old
poetry books in the store and then
slowly read it out so I can
pretend to quote it.
SINJIN
Ok, OK, so how do I know when to
start.
MISSY JACK
Ahh, I will clap twice near the
ear piece. OK. I have to go, about
five minutes I recon.
SINJIN
OK!
MISSY JACK moves back to the bar
ZED
So Jaqueline are you getting up
tonight? I'm sure you're quite the
artist and you would get a warm
welcome.
MISSY JACK
Ah, I mean of course I write but I
have nothing ready for tonight.
ZED
But you have written material?
MISSY JACK
Oh yes, published, several books.
COMPUTER
Next up we have another regular
contributor. Please put you hands
together for Mr Zahkar
Rozhdestvensky, but you all know
him as ZED.
MISSY JACK
Break a leg!
ZED GETS ONTO STAGE AND ADJUSTS MIC
ZED
(ON MIC) Ahem. (Pause) This is
entitled, and is dedicated to the
previous artist. The Arse of the
Worlds Mind. Scrotal threats
unhorse a question of flowers. I
asked for answers and got a
headful of heroin in return. When
time fell fornicating to the
floor, viral beetles eat his
teeth. Dingbats! My body disgusts,
damp grease wafts sweat balls from
sweaty balls and thigh fungus. A
girl strips in my mind, I squeeze
my last drop of vain hope. Sordid
blanket roll me over to sleep.
Fireball the dead cities of the
mind and watch the skin peel and
warp. We are but unhappy bubbles
of bottom wind popping and winking
in the mortal bath.
Silence from the crowd then some clapping in confusion.
COMPUTER
Ahh, yes very interesting, ahhh,
very biological.
ZED
(Still on mic) Thank you, thank
you for you indulgence.
STEPS DOWN FROM THE STAGE
SOPHIE
What the f** was that filth ZED.
It was nearly pornographic.
ZED
I need something dramatic to wake
these bastards up!
SOPHIE
Well, I nearly choked on my Gin.
Your making me wonder what you get
up to in the server room, I think
I need to call in more often!
ZED
Ah!
MISSY JACK
Wow, ZED that was, (Pause)
confronting.
ZED
Yeah it's an old one that I've
been working on again, again,
usually late at night, trying to
improve it.
SOPHIE
Sure! Usually accompanied with
moaning!
MISSY JACK
Well I can see you're quite the
deep thinker.
ZED
Thanks. You should get up and read
some of your stuff. I'd really
like to hear it. Just go to the
stage and tell the COMPUTER you
name!
MISSY JACK
Well, if you insist! (Pause) Hi I
Jacqueline and I would like to
read a short piece if that's OK.
COMPUTER
Of course, we love to see new
blood, should I announce you by
your name or do you have a stage
name?
MISSY JACK
Call me , (Pause) MISSY JACK.
COMPUTER
Ladies and Gentlemen and others we
have a special unexpected
contribution tonight, please put
your hands together for MISSY
JACK.
MISSY JACK
Yes thank you I just need to
prepare.
MISSY JACK gesticulates, breathes and then clips twice in
succession. Nothing happens. She repeats the movement,
breathing a clapping.
MISSY JACK
SINJIN, SINJIN, where the bloody
hell. Oh
COMPUTER
(Soto voice) If you could please
start miss.
MISSY JACK
Yes, yes, (Double clap) Shit. Oh
freddled gruntbuggly, Thy
micturations are to me, (with big
yawning) As plurdled
gabbleblotchits, in midsummer
morning On a lurgid bee, That
mordiously hath blurted out, Its
earted jurtles, grumbling Into a
rancid festering confectious organ
squealer. [drowned out by moaning
and screaming]
AUDIENCE
Rubbish, that's from Hitchhikers
Guide. Plagiarist, rubbish get
off.
Peanuts start getting thrown
AUDIENCE
Plagiarist, rubbish boo-ooh, get
off. Rubbish.
Someone tries to get on stage and grab the microphone
COMPUTER
Sir, please sit down, I will have
to call security.
Microphone knocking sounds, then a fight breaks out.
SOPHIE
Come on ZED we're out of here, the
cops will be coming soon, I saw
the barkeep call them.
ZED
Shit, that was bad, well she
certainly gets a reaction. I'll
say that. She lied, that was Vogon
poetry.
SOPHIE
Well, it had the same affect in
real life as in the book. Come on.
DOOR EXIT
MISSY JACK
You touch me again cracker and you
get this.
FIST HITTING FACE.
SINJIN
MISSY what's going on?
MISSY JACK
Where the bloody hell did you get
that book from.
SINJIN
It was the first one on the shelf,
the page fell open, there was some
strange poetry, but its not really
my thing.
DISTANT COPS SIREN
MISSY JACK
You idiot, it triggered a full on
riot down here. Oh shit I hear the
cops, I'm out of here. Our birds
have flow the coup!
EXT. BREAK IN - 11 - 5.1
LOCATION: INCEL 1 - Near space
DOILY piloting the 'GHOST & LATITUDE' with GHOST in
attendance in her avatar. They are towing a large
utility module full of troops and support equipment. They
arrive at INCEL 1 to find all communications go
unanswered and that the automatic docking locks are
unresponsive. They decide that a frontal assault is the
only way to break in.
DOILY
So GHOST this is a first, you in
your brand spanking new body,
whilst being in the control room
of your old ship body. Does it
feel weird?
GHOST
No it feels quite refreshing, its
a bit like all my dreams have been
answered. It does look slightly
more cramped from this point of
view, and I keep wanting to select
outside sensors, when I now have
to actually Datavise a command
rather than just think.
DOILY
Well, I prefer you this way, its
more natural to communicate with a
physical avatar than a voice
coming over the comm.
GHOST
I think being able to interact
with humans like this, has in some
small way made me more human and
more able to understand how you
see the world space you inhabit.
DOILY
Yeah, not so easy is it, this
human gig!
GHOST
Oh no I love it, its the best
thing that has happened to me.
DOILY
I agree, and you look so hot in
you new sexy body.
GHOST
Well, I don't know about that,
beauty is the eye of the beholder.
DOILY
Well, I think I will have to give
you some lessons in how to
politely fend of male interest.
It could save quite a few broken
bones and a shed load of
embarrassment.
GHOST
Thank you, I look forward to that.
DOILY
So what are we going to do about
this signal? Are the signals still
coming from that rock?
GHOST
Yes they are, its definitely the
nexus of the problem.
DOILY
RUDI, what do you recommend, I
sent the standard ship hails, but
I have got no response. The auto
docks are not handshaking either.
RUDI
I think we will have to attempt a
forced entry. Can you manoeuvre
the cargo carrier to within a few
meters of the asteroid?
DOILY
I can, but I will have to
occasionally run the cold gas
thrusters to keep on station, as
it has very weak gravity. Might be
smart to warn the troops to stay
away from the nozzles.
RUDI
Will do. OK I'll start
depressurising at this end, let me
know when you are close.
TIME PASSING
DOILY
OK, you are green for go.
RUDI
Roger. BOY instigate break-in
please.
BOY
Troops, go, go go.
PRESSURE SUITS AND
ACTION, METALLIC
NOISES, THEN HIS OF
GAS.
ALEX
SHAS you OK?
SHARROW
Yes I'm just hanging back, I'm
letting JACINTA and COSTA do what
they are trained for.
JACINTA
COSTA blow the charges please.
COSTAS
My pleasure sarg!
MUFFLED EXPLOSION.
JACINTA
OK turning manual auto lock,
COSTA run the gas into the
pneumatics now please.
GAS HSSING, THEN
METALLIC CLANK
COSTAS
Got, it, door opening.
GUN FIRE AND LASERS
JACINTA
Oh, goody, goody, we have a
welcome party! COSTAS provide
cover fire, I will try and get in
and create a foothold.
COSTAS
I do like a firefight in the
morning as long as it doesn't
involve napalm!
JACINTA
You been watching movies again.
COSTAS
Sure have Sarg. OK ready.
JACINTA
Try not to shoot me soldier.
COSTAS
Don't tempt me Sarg.
GUN FIRE AND LASERS
END