Practice makes perfect, and a repeat of the show is a triumph, but will it lure the killer! Music produced by Bernard Houston sung by Mitzi Clifford written by John Kander and lyrics by Fred Ebb.
Angel and May is an audio-only podcast, produced by a not-for-profit group of community theatre supporters.
See more on our website: www.angelandmay.com
Please support us through our Patreon page as we have no other source of income.
Practice makes perfect, and a repeat of the show is a triumph, but will it lure the killer! Music produced by Bernard Houston sung by Mitzi Clifford written by John Kander and lyrics by Fred Ebb.
Angel and May is an audio-only podcast, produced by a not-for-profit group of community theatre supporters.
See more on our website: www.angelandmay.com
Please support us through our Patreon page as we have no other source of income.
S3-E18-ON THE HOOK
INT. ON THE HOOK - 6 - 5
LOCATION Retrograde: Main Bar
JACINTA and the team prepare for to follow SHARROW as she
leaves the bar with the suspect.
RUDI
JACINTA Sit-rep please?
JACINTA
(Datavise) We have a suspect, just
about to leave the club, I have
external camera's ready Marm!
RUDI
(Datavise) Good, I think we should
wait a few minutes and then have
SHARROW leave as the bait. Get
ALEX and COSTAS to shadow her and
also have a back up squad behind
them.
JACINTA
(Datavise) OK the suspect has left
the lock and is walking away, oh
he is purchasing a coffee at
MUNG's and has sat on a stool with
a good view of the inn. Seems a
little weird. Looks like he is
waiting for SHARROW to leave. ALEX
hold back don't exit the inn,
don't follow SHARROW out the main
door yet. Repeat the suspect is
watching the door. Let SHARROW
out, then I will give the word
once I see what he does on the
camera's.
ALEX
(Datavise)Roger, I'm changing my
shoes for some trainers in case I
need to run.
JACINTA
(Datavise) OK Now are you wearing
the protective titanium scull cap
under your wig?
ALEX
(Datavise) Yes and it itches like
crap!
JACINTA
(Datavise) Good, then we are
ready!
ALEX
(Datavise) Sounds like a plan. OK
SHARROW has exited. You OK
SHARROW.
SHARROW
(Datavise) JACINTA I'm in the
vestibule corridor about to exit
the inn.
RETROGRADE LOCK
EXIT
SHARROW
(Datavise), Walking slowly towards
the previous crime scene, you
might want to pre position
operatives.
JACINTA
(Datavise) Roger on that. RUDI,
did you hear that?
RUDI
(Datavise) Yes I'm in the loop.
JACINTA
(Datavise) The suspect has left
his coffee and is following
SHARROW. ALEX I will wait until
he is 20 meters past the inn door.
ALEX
(Datavise) Roger, I don't have
much cover near the inn so lets
not be too hasty!
JACINTA
(Datavise) ALEX time for you to
shadow, don't get too close.
ALEX
(Datavise) Roger that!
RUDI
(Datavise) JACINTA I have SLIM
with some backup going to the
previous crime scene, he is going
to stake it out. There will be
RCBS troops shadowing ALEX.
ALEX
(Datavise) Don't get to close, I
think this one is skittish!
He keeps looking around. I have to
keep ducking behind pipework.
JACINTA
(Datavise) Roger that, ALEX can
you hold your camera feed a little
more steady please?
ALEX
(Datavise) You try and sneak and
duck and dive behind pipes, and
hold this minicam, its not easy.
(Pause) Oh, shit we have a
problem. Robo-taxi
JACINTA
(Datavise) Is it slowing down?
ALEX
(Datavise) Yes, its pulling level
with the suspect. (Pause) Shit he
just got in. Looks like we've been
busted.
JACINTA
(Datavise) Don't make any
assumptions just keep walking
steadily until the cab has gone.
Dam it, I was looking forward to
the interrogation with SLIM.
RUDI
(Datavise) Patience folks,
sometimes if you want to catch the
big fish you have to take your
time. JACINTA grab all the footage
of the suspect. Let regroup in C&C
and figure out what to do next.
INT. REGROUP - 6 - 5.1
LOCATION: Retrograde C&C
RUDI, and the team regroup in command and control to go
through their next moves
RUDI
So look we have a suspect, and we
know the lure worked, what we have
to do is repeat the whole process.
JACINTA
If I could make the suggestion
Marm, that next time we also
deploy drones with anti-noise
systems to watch from above.
That way if he gets into a cab we
could follow him to his home
address and then do more
investigation. We would have to
have RCBS drone operators in a
following cab, but that could be
easily arranged.
RUDI
Yes, that is a good idea. Any
others.
ALEX
I think I should be the lure,
without insulting SHARROW in any
way, I do have better combat
chops. It would perhaps deflect
the suspect from thinking that he
is being followed if a different
lure presents itself. He is
clearly very cautious.
RUDI
SHARROW, what do you think?
SHARROW
Oh, I agree, I think perhaps I was
slightly too feminine, I think it
puts off the potential killer. I
think he has a thing for male
looking drag performers. Perhaps
he needs to make a point.
ALEX
So you think I look like a man in
drag?
SHARROW
No of course not, but you do have
'stronger' features.
ALEX
'Stronger' features, hmmm!
RUDI
Well, we don't really have a clue
as to the motivations at this
point. Perhaps you do have a
point on changing the lure. It's
what you do when you're fishing,
if your not catching the fish. It
is strange that he seemed to want
to display his results. The
corpse was positioned as if to
make a point. It was definitely
moved after the killing to another
position, that's quite unusual.
SHARROW
ALEX is much better at the close
in personal combat with a lot more
real world experience. I'm more a
cakes and crochet kind of girl.
RUDI
OK, then ALEX you good for this?
ALEX
Absolutely, game on.
GANDER
I agree with the bait swap.
However don't think for one minute
that lets you get out of more
practice for your show. It was a
travesty of errors. It was simply
not up to Retrograde standards.
ALEX
Hay, I didn't want to do it in the
first place. I did warn you, with
me you get what's on the tin!
GANDER
Well, the tin will have to be
further refined by MAURICE.
SOPHIE
Well, I think you looked cute,
you've actually got good legs if
we could only get them out of
normaloid armour! I was surprised
you didn't turn an ankle in those
shoes as well, you must be
learning something.
ALEX
Cute, I don't want to be cute, I'm
a warrior princess!
SHARROW
Well, the princess part was
correct. You know what happens to
performers who get a reputation
for being 'difficult to work with'
ALEX
No, what happens?
GANDER
They don't get asked again, and
they get the bums rush out of the
Retrograde, that's what happens.
RUDI
Please, girls, simmer down, lets
move on! Lets focus on how better
to snare the suspect! I think we
repeat the show , hopefully
improved, but see if we can get
the suspect to interact with ALEX
this time. Since she is as she
says "The Warrior Princess".
SHARROW
Look, there is one thing I do want
to bring up.
RUDI
Yes?
SHARROW
Well, you're already assuming,
that this person is the killer. We
don't know that at all. You are
just making assumptions. He might
just be a creep. We need to ensure
that we are open minded. This
means we still work the rest of
the patrons at the bar in case its
someone else.
SLIM
She makes a good point RUDI, many
cases I have worked on, initial
assumptions later prove incorrect
and indeed significantly slow down
the apprehension of the true
suspect, because they didn't fit
the assumed profile. This is early
days.
GANDER
OK, so you are saying we need to
wait until we know for sure that
the killer, is the killer.
SLIM
Exactly, it puts much more risk on
ALEX because the killer will have
to make the first move, she has to
see the knife. There is no point
in picking up this man, dragging
them through interrogation, then
finding that we have an innocent
bystander. What do we do then!
They could drag us through the
courts for kidnapping etc.
GANDER
Yes, I see the issue. We could
just chuck them out a lock, but
then we would be no better than
the prey we seek.
ALEX
Great, just great, I will try not
to get hammered and knifed.
INT. PERFECTLY MARVELLOUS - 6 - 5.2
LOCATION: RETROGRADE-Main Bar
Another show a week later. This time because they have
been extensively drilled by MAURICE the show is a
triumph, with getting through with no fluffs, She is
quite the star. ALEX and SHARROW, move to the bar. ALEX
positions herself to be picked up by the suspect. As
discussed they decide to let event play out to wait for
the killer to make the first move.
Performance of Perfectly Marvellous from Cabaret.
ALEX
So, if anyone should ask about you
and me, you have two alternatives:
you can either say, "Oh, yes, it's
true. We're living in delicious
sin." Or you can simply tell the
truth, and say:
CHEN
Cue music, go!
MUSIC STARTS
ALEX
I met this perfectly marvellous
girl in this perfectly wonderful
place, as I lifted a glass to the
start of a marvellous year! Before
I knew that she called on the
phone, inviting, next moment I was
no longer alone. But, such,
reciting. Some perfectly beautiful
burst, my charming American style,
How I dazzle their senses, a
truely a last minute cry.
SHARROW
Now I've this perfect marvellous
girl, in my perfect beautiful
room.
ALEX
And we're living together, and
having a marvellous time.
MAURICE
(Male suitor voice) Sally I'm
afraid this wouldn't work out,
you're much to distracting.
ALEX
Distracting. No inspiring!
She tells me perfectly marvellous
tales Of her thrillingly
scandalous life Which I'll
probably use As a chapter or two
in my book. And since my stay in
Berlin was to force Creation,
What luck to fall on a fabulous
source
Of stimulation.
SHARROW
Of stimulation!
ALEX
And perfectly marvellous, too, Is
her perfect agreement to be Just
as still as a mouse When I'm
giving my novel a whirl. Yes, I've
a highly agreeable life In my
perfectly beautiful room
With my nearly invisible,
Perfectly marvellous, girl.
MAURICE
Sally- I just can't afford... Do
you have any money?
ALEX
A few marks... Six!
MAURICE
Oh, God!
ALEX
Oh, please, Cliff- just for a day
or two? Please!
MAURICE
I... met... this... Truly
remarkable girl In this really
incredible town, And she skill
fully managed To talk her way in
to my room.
ALEX
Oh, Cliff!
MAURICE
I have a terrible feeling I've
said A dumb thing.
Beside, I've only got one narrow
bed.
ALEX
We'll think of something.
[ACCOMPANIMENT]
MAURICE
And now this wild, unpredictable
girl.
ALEX
And this perfectly beautiful man.
MAURICE
Will be living together and having
a marvellous time.
CHEN
Curtain down, lights cue ten. Next
scene.
CHEERING AND
CLAPPING
INT. THE HOOK - 6 - 5.3
LOCATION: RETROGRADE - Main Bar then Robo-cab
ALEX is in discussion with the suspect
FABER
Well, I must say, that was
Perfectly Marvellous darling
ALEX
(Weak laugh) Oh, thank you, we
have been working very hard on the
routine.
FABER
Well, its considerably improved
from last week!
ALEX
Well, it is true what they say
about practice then, we have been
working hard, all week, to get it
up to standard. (Pause) So you
come here regularly?
FABER
Oh, yes I like to watch the drag
acts. I must say you look very
strong, and you face makeup is
very feminine!
ALEX
Thank you, it does take a lot of
effort. Ahh, I mean I have to
hide my manly side, it takes quite
a lot of work.
FABER
You do have amazing legs for a
man.
ALEX
Well, there are two of them and
they reach the ground, what can I
say!
FABER
It is a strange thing this
reversal of gender isn't it?
ALEX
Well, its not strange to me, its
my profession, I do it every day.
Sometimes I just think it would be
easier to just be a women full
time.
FABER
But that would be an abomination
of nature, wouldn't it. Don't you
think it might persuade others
down the wrong path?
ALEX
Well, my act may be an
abomination, but this art form is
as old as mankind. Also anyone
that comes in here, is a long way
down the wrong path already, so I
really don't see the problem!
(Pause) GHOST gin and tonic
please.
FABER
Yes but what about the young ones,
don't you think you might be
'turning' them to sin.
ALEX
You can't change people natures,
there is no turning. People just
get be free to express what they
feel anyway.
You do have rather conservative
views for someone propping up a
drag bar?
FABER
Ahhh! Look I'm just going for a
break, but when I get back would
you like some fresh air?
ALEX
Maybe, ahh yes OK, I need a smoke!
FABER goes to the men's room.
ALEX
(Datavise) JACINTA we are go for
launch, you ready?
JACINTA
(Datavise) Yeah, I have COSTA's
outside the inn pre positioned,
she is disguised as a derelict,
down by the end of the tunnel.
Drones and cherries all in place
with itchy fingers. OK look out
he's back.
FABER
Are you ready, can I get your
coat.
ALEX
Yes, thank you, now, where are my
cigarettes!
RETRO LOCK EXIT
COCNRETE FOOTSTEPS
GRITTY, HEELS.
FABER
Oh, blast, they have just run the
rain cycle, I thought that was
tomorrow. It makes the BC so wet,
drab and misty.
ALEX
Yes it is annoying, but its all
part of simulating a planet.
Sometimes they move the schedule
around, makes the rain seem more
real.
FABER
Well, I hope you are comfortable,
be careful the sidewalks are
slippery. Your very tall in those
shoes!
ALEX
Yes you get used to them I guess.
JACINTA
(Datavise) Sit rep COSTAS?
COSTAS
(Datavise) They are moving towards
me and away from the inn. They'll
be here 30 secsonds. I'm ready.
JACINTA
(Datavise) OK, hold until we are
sure.
COSTAS
(Datavise) Yeah, mate I'm sure,
he's a creep, its written all over
him.
JACINTA
(Datavise) Well don't go off
prematurely we need to see the
weapons.
FABER
I guess you feel superior to the
regular punters in that get up?
ALEX
What, no of course not, what the
hell are you on about. Listen
buddy, its a show costume! I'm a
performer, there is a big
difference between a drag queen
and a transgendered person. I'm a
man wearing some clothes OK. You
should more than understand that,
as a regular visitor to the
Retrograde.
FABER
Well, its about time a sinner like
yourself feels a message from God.
ALEX
(Datavise) COSTAS go. (Normal) I
really don't think so.
KARATE KICK THEN
CRUNT.
COSTAS
(Datavise) Code Red Go. I See
weapons, ALEX has engaged.
ALEX
You murdering bastard!
STRUGGLE GRUNTING
ALEX
Ow, that hurt, next time you want
to knock in a nail, try someone
else, you bastard!
COSTAS
Time to go sleepy byes!
STRUGGLE THEN SIGH,
BODY CRUMPLE.
ALEX
About time COSTAS, I thought I was
going to have to try another kick.
COSTAS
In those shoes, sure! Sorry about
that had to get behind him.
ALEX
Well, I got a workout, and these
heels can do some serious damage.
COSTAS
Well, don't step on my feet, I'm
still trying to get over that
soccer injury. Oh well I'll be
dammed, this isn't a guy its a
sheila!
ALEX
Shit, you right, now that is
weird, so she was in drag to!
JACINTA
Cherries approaching.
RUNNING ARMY BOOTS
ON CONCRETE THEN
ECHO AS THEY ENTER
TUNNEL
COSTAS
Lets get this garbage trussed and
back to interrogation.
ALEX
Well, if you think I'm helping
carry a body in this get up, you
sadly mistaken.
COSTAS
(Play acting) You know, you do
look hot in those heels and the
short skirt, you want to play with
mama COSTA's, have some fun time!
ALEX
Jeez, I would rather wrestle a
King brown snake, mate!
COSTAS
(Laughter) Well I guess that's a
no then!
RELIGIOUS INTERVIEW - 6 - 6
RETROGRADE: Holding Cell
The killer is 'interviewed' and turns out to be a female
priest who dresses as a man to lure DRAG queens into
being sterilised. She believes that they are perverting
the gender norms and are sinning.
FABER
Arghhh, let me out of here, this
is illegal, holding someone
against their will.
DOOR METALLIC
RUDI
After what you have done, you have
the gall to remind me of human
rights. That is a very convoluted
chain of logic. Look I'm just here
to find out more about you, after
that we will let the proper
authorities deal with you.
FABER
Well the authority that I report
to is god, this is the only
authority that I can be judged by.
RUDI
Be that as it may, I'm just
wanting to understand your 'work'
and your motivations. How long
have you been in New London?
FABER
I arrived five years ago with a
Christian fathers mission.
RUDI
I don't understand, you are female
even though you have been
presenting as male. How could you
be with a male order.
FABER
Oh, that's easy, the acolytes
themselves have to be male, but
ancillary staff, such as cooks and
cleaners can be either gender. I
came as a cleaner.
RUDI
I see, did you do 'gods' work
before you came to New London.
FABER
No I was not enlightened during
that period.
RUDI
So when did you become
enlightened?
FABER
Well once I came to New London, I
wanted to get away from the
Brother's order and left to do
general cleaning work, mainly in
the top end of town.
RUDI
So how come you are in the
Bencubbin?
FABER
Cleaning work does not pay, my
circumstance were 'diminished',
but that's something I suspect you
have never experienced.
RUDI
Well, you should not make
assumptions, I have had my fair
share of hard times.
FABER
Not as hard as I have had. I was
forced to live in the Bencubbin
and was in amongst the sinners. I
actually shared a flat with a
transgendered male to female. I
could see the internal struggles
every day.
RUDI
So wouldn't that give you more
sympathy and insight into how
tough it can be for people of
these persuasions.
FABER
Way do you think I am not
sympathetic? In fact the very
reason I do the work is to put
them out of the misery of their
existence in this life.
RUDI
You mean kill them.
FABER
Well, its the only way to move
their spirits on to the next
existence. God just wants them to
be happy.
RUDI
So does God, communicate this to
you?
FABER
Oh yes, he speaks to me every day.
RUDI
You mean you hear a voice. What
does he sound like?
FABER
Its a deep soft female voice. Of
course I'm not sure if it is God,
or one of his messenger Angels.
RUDI
So does ah, she ask for you to
specifically 'move on' an
individual person?
FABER
Oh. No, nothing so specific, it is
my role to select the targets. I
look for particularly tortured
souls, the ones who would benefit
the most from being transported to
the next life.
RUDI
So why do you dress as a man, when
you are in fact a women. Is this
not the very behaviour, that you
seeking to release the, ah,
'Chosen one' from and to move them
on?
FABER
Yes, but I am forced to dress in
this repugnant manner, by my
mission. I need to appeal to the
chosen ones and mostly they want
to meet men.
RUDI
Surely God is not particularly
interested in the clothes that
someone wears, they after all are
just some cloth?
FABER
Oh, its not the clothes, its the
mis presentation of their
designated soul path.
RUDI
I see. What happens if the 'soul
path' is one that's different from
their physical body?
FABER
Oh, that can never happen, because
God makes that decision before
birth. God is infallible.
RUDI
I see. So how many souls have you
moved on to a new life?
FABER
Well, when I first started I found
the work very hard, but in recent
years I have perfected my mission
and have become more productive.
RUDI
Did you say years?
FABER
Yes, I have been working on this
for five years now.
RUDI
So how successful have you been.
FABER
Oh, quite. If you look in my bag
there is a small book. Each page
is dedicated to one of my
'clients'
RUDI
Oh, that is interesting. Now if
you would excuse me for a second,
I would like to show my colleagues
the diligence of you work.
DOOR METALLIC
JACINTA
How di you go RUDI, you look pale!
RUDI
She is seriously mentally ill and
is hearing voices from God
instructing her to kill. Its hard
for me not to punch her in the
face. Now we need to look in her
bag, she has a victim record, its
a small book. She has been
killing people for five years.
JACINTA
Jeez. Ok lets find it. (Rustling
of bag) Is this it!
A small black diary sized note book is found.
RUDI
Oh, my God their must be a hundred
pages.
JACINTA
Not all are used.
RUDI
Small mercies. Find the last
page.
JACINTA
Its about half full. Oh, shit
there are hair samples on each
page, see the sticky tape. We
might be able to extract DNA from
the roots.
RUDI
So our killer has probably killed
perhaps up to fifty people. Oh my
God, why haven't the police
cottoned on to all the bodies?
JACINTA
New London's a massive habitat
RUDI, fifty people could be easily
disposed of, the impact
generators, recyclers,
compositors. They would easily
hide dead bodies.
RUDI
Jeez, it doesn't bare thinking
about.
JACINTA
What are we going to do about her.
We can't release her to the cops,
because as far as they are
concerned, she is innocent. She
will be back to her killing in
days.
RUDI
We have no choice we have to stop
her, I think we need to invite her
on to her next life, as she has
done with her victims. She can
then have a one to one
conversation with her maker.
(Pause) I've told her we will hand
her over to the proper
authorities. Can you and SLIM grab
some fake cops uniforms. I'll go
back in and keep chatting. You
come in as soon as you can. Grab
her and sedate her and then space
her out the nearest lock. I can't
see any other way.
JACINTA
My pleasure Marm!
RUDI
OK, let me take a breath.
DOOR METALLIC
FABER
You took you time.
RUDI
Well, I was admiring the diligence
of your work, you have certainly
been busy.
FABER
Well, its God's work.
RUDI
There is only one problem I see.
FABER
Yes.
RUDI
Well, what if perhaps God doesn't
exist and that the voices you are
hearing are in-fact audio
illusions caused by unbalanced
brain chemistry. Wouldn't that be
a problem because then it might
appear that you have been killing
PERFECTLY INNOCIENT PEOPLE. Have
you thought of that?
FABER
Yes I did consider that, but God
reassured me that that was not the
case. I won't accept criticism
from one of the people that run
this infernal place, you are
forever dammed.
RUDI
Well, my damnation status is
between me and my God. So I do not
think you are qualified to judge
anyone. I don't think we will be
meeting again, but before you go I
just want you to know a few facts
about your last victim. You will
never know him, but you would hard
pressed to meet a more honest and
generous person than the poor, boy
you killed. If anything he
represented all the virtues that
you proclaim to represent. Now
when you meet your God, I would
like to ask him about this, and
consider what a cruel heartless
God he is. The Authorities will
come through that door any minute.
Goodbye!
DOOR METALLIC
FABER
No, no please!
SLIM
Come now Miss, please.
JACINTA
Don't make us put the chains on.
RUDI
Just one question before you go?
FABER
Yes.
RUDI
Did you bring a vacuum suit?
END