Hillary Weeks: "Keep Going" Musics Ability To Heal

Hilary Weeks, a top 10 Christian Billboard singer, connects with her audience by unlocking and expressing the feelings of the heart through music. Her song "Keep Going" addresses depression and has helped thousands of people individually. This interview with Hilary will make you ask how you can use music in your family’s dynamic so that it harbors safety, healing, and connection.

Keep Going

IG handles:
@hilaryweeksmusic
@drtimthayne

Transcript

Dr. Tim Thayne: 0:04

There are as many ways to parent as there are parents in this world. But there is one way to parent that wins every time. And that's doing it intentionally. This show is about helping things go right before they can go wrong. Each episode is chosen to help parents like you, who may be overwhelmed or uninspired, find the ideas and motivation to give their best efforts to the people and place that matters the most. I'm Dr. Tim, Thayne, author of the book and host of the podcast, not by chance, I believe that a family's success and happiness is not by chance. So welcome to the podcast built especially for intentional families. Let's jump in. Hi, everyone. Thank you so much, again, for joining the not by chance podcast today. I'm especially excited about this one. Because we have Hillary weeks with us today. This is she's a she's a singer, she's a songwriter, she's a musician, and she is she's done some phenomenal things. I was just taking a look at your website, Hillary and, and got to see some of the some of the accomplishments and I didn't realize you're a top 10 Christian billboard artist. That's a big deal. And you've produced 14 CDs, I wonder how many songs that is

Hilary: 1:31

about 140 Give or take, because most of the CDs are between 10 and 12 songs. And I can't do the math that fast on 14 times 12. But 14 times 10 is about 140.

Dr. Tim Thayne: 1:44

That's amazing. The creativity that takes the the inspiration that must take and as we get into the topic today, which I think will resonate so much with the listeners of this podcast, it's it's going to be about something that all of us have been touched by either personally or inside our family. It is one of the the most common but difficult illnesses and challenges of of our lives. And that is depression and anxiety. I noticed a big uptake in this. And I know that you started thinking about this before the pandemic before COVID. And, and you I want you to talk a little bit about what led you to write the song that we're going to talk a lot about today, which which talks about this, this very difficult thing, and why you did it. And but but since COVID, I would say that it's only become more important. And so Hillary, I haven't done you justice at all about your background. So I hope you'll spend a little bit of time telling the audience about your your background, what led you to this, this career that you have and and then ultimately, what led you to write the song that we're going to talk about today, that is going to resonate with so many people around this mental health issue?

Hilary: 3:06

Sure, I I've always loved music. I remember singing from a really early age. My test started piano lessons when I was eight years old. I was an unusual child that way because I actually asked my mom, if I could take piano lessons. I don't know what kid does. I don't either. And most kids like try not to make eye contact with their mom, you know, when she's looking for a victim for piano lessons or violin lessons or something. But I was super drawn to it. And I actually asked her if I could take. And then when I was about 14 years old, I received a poem from a friend. And I thought it would be fun to take that poem and put music to it. So that was my first song. I didn't write the lyrics. Those were those were hers. And I really liked it. So I just kept writing and kept learning about songwriting and studying it. I studied it in college, and released my first full album when I was 26 years old. So I've been doing music. I'm 53. Now, why are we doing so much math on this podcast? I should have brought my calculator. I've been doing it for 27 ish years. Is that right? Somewhere in there. That's and I just love it. I just feel like music can so often say what's in our hearts that's difficult to communicate and it gives us words, it gives us expression. And I love most of all about music that when we are feeling low for one reason or another whether we've been through something difficult, we've lost a loved one. We're experiencing a challenge, whether it's depression, anxiety, something like that, whatever it may be. I feel like music can find us and reach us when sometimes nothing else can and I I'm really drawn to writing the type of music that can be there for us in those moments. I love upbeat music, I write upbeat, happy songs about life. But I also really value writing the songs that can say what's in our hearts, and help us have the words when we need them and help us feel God's love. When we're when we need it most

Dr. Tim Thayne: 5:26

so true, you know, for those of us who know exactly what you're talking about, from a listeners perspective, you know, that, that we've been lifted by music, and we've been motivated by music, and we've been our hearts have been touched with music, but we have no idea how that happens. Do you? Do you have some science? Or do you have some, you know, maybe some spiritual reason for the power of music, we'd love to hear about that.

Hilary: 5:53

You know, I think it's always for me come from the heart. It's been less about research, or although education has been involved, obviously, I needed to learn how music works, and the theory behind music. That's been very helpful in my career. But most of it just comes from the heart. And I am a gatherer of stories, when I'm talking with people, and they share something that they're going through my mind is listening with compassion, of course. And I want to be able to show empathy. But I'm also listening from a standpoint of, is there something in music that could help in this situation? Is there something that I could write, or say through a song that would bring peace to this situation for anyone who's going through it, uh, for instance, I wrote a song, excuse me, several years ago, well, over a decade ago, when I received news that a young woman, she was only about nine years old, had passed away from a brain tumor. And it's a long story, but I didn't know this girl. I was, I had met her aunt. So her aunt informed me when the little girl passed away. And I wanted to do something to ease their burden. So I sent the family flowers. And I told them, I know you don't know me, but I want you to know that there are people who don't know you who care about what you're going through. And they sent me back a letter and a video of this little girl's life. And it was a poem, at the end of the poem, it said, just let us cry. And I was immediately touched by that lyric. And I thought, that needs to be a song. So I wrote a song called just let me cry. And it's about the idea that sometimes we just need to let it out, we aren't necessarily in need of being comforted, or having someone tell us to look on the bright side, or here's what's going to be okay about this, we just want to cry in that moment. So that's just one example. As of, as I listen to people's stories, and their experiences, I'm gathering for music ideas that might need to be written,

Dr. Tim Thayne: 8:28

I love to think about true principles that can be transferred from one field of study to another. And as you're discussing this, I see you as almost this therapist with great reach. It's like, you know, you're you're listening, like a therapist would write. And you're, you're trying to empathize your heart, opening your heart to the story to the message to what is going on for that other person. And from that you receive inspiration. And it's a lot like what a therapist who's doing a good job is doing, they're trying to, to listen in a way that they can then reflect something back that, that his healing, or that opens doors, or that enables someone to think a little bit differently than they are. And so I see you now as this person who has a gift to to reach large audiences through a medium that it's not talk therapy, but it is something that's healing nonetheless, with the power of music behind it, so Wow. I mean, I've never thought about you know, someone with your gifts in quite that way. But that's I think exactly what's happening with people who are you know, listening to music I, when we talked about you coming on to the podcast, I watched the video on YouTube of this particular song and The we'll talk about in a second. And then I did it again this morning. And I have to say, I was I was, it really took me to a deeper level of being in touch with people who suffer from depression. Now, I'm not a stranger to those things, I hear about it all the time with families and who are have kids who are suffering from depression. We personally have I lost us a brother and a nephew just two years ago, in a very short amount of time to, to suicide and depression. And so it's, it's affected us deeply and and, and so I'm not a stranger to that. But sometimes I get busy, I get thinking about other things, and just listening to your song this morning just took me to that place of have empathy. So can we jump into that song now and share some of the inspiration about it and what you did to put yourself in that place to to be able to listen to people? Because I don't know if you've personally suffered from depression, or anxiety? Feel free to share anything along those lines, too. But how did you get to that place where you could write such a moving song?

Hilary: 11:21

With that song in particular, I reached out to my audience followers, and said that I was going to be writing music for a new project. And I asked them what they would like to hear a song about what's their number one choice, what would they like me to write about? And overwhelmingly, the answer was anxiety and depression. I was, I was overwhelmed by that at the thought of capturing what depression and anxiety feel like. I haven't experienced it. On a regular basis, I certainly have had days that have felt difficult, where I felt depressed, but I haven't, or I felt anxious, but nothing that's been ongoing, which made the the task seem even more daunting, because I feel a little bit like an outsider. But I, at the same time, I do listen a lot, and I have a good imagination. And I feel like I've been able to put myself in the position of whatever it is I'm writing about whether I'm writing about death, or a challenge of some kind, I feel like I can put myself in the shoes of somebody who might be going through that. Even if I haven't experienced it personally. So we I do have members of our family, my immediate family and my extended family and many friends and their children who do struggle with anxiety and depression. And so I was able to draw on conversations with them and feelings that they've expressed to me, things that I've read online, things that I've heard other people express maybe in community gatherings or in church gatherings. And so as I sat down to write that song, it was absolutely with a prayer in my heart that I would be able to capture what that feels like to be able to struggle with that on an ongoing and daily basis. And the title of the song is called Keep going. Obviously, I wanted the song to have hope it needed to be tied to hope. But I didn't want to minimize the struggle. And so I feel like I hope that the song has a good balance between the listener feeling understood if they are struggling with depression or anxiety or both. But also feeling hope, like that. Like don't give up, keep going, you can do this. I mean, the song has phrases like just wanting to be heard wanting to be told that you are loved. Tell me I'm going to make it tell me that you love me, helped me climb out of this pit that I've been living in. Those are the kinds of descriptive words that I felt the song needed in order to to describe it. So that was I, I've heard from some people that it feels meaningful to them. Like it's a good, it captured the feeling well, and that's my hope is that it has

Dr. Tim Thayne: 14:43

that's an interesting balance. You have to strike there. Yeah, of of the listener side, and it's probably exactly what a person needs to do to help someone who's struggling with depression is a lot of listening and understanding this Bear, they feel the fact that they feel so stuck and hopeless and, and not jumping to solutions right away, or, you know, techniques or or you know, you can do this too quickly. And and yet subtly helping them know that, that you can do this. It's

Hilary: 15:22

yeah, I learned that lesson firsthand with my daughter who struggles with anxiety. And a couple years ago, she had a homework assignment that required a lot of effort on her part. And she had put the assignment together, turned it in, only to find out that she had done it incorrectly. And she was so discouraged. And so she called me from school, and told me the situation. And I said, you know, that's okay, we'll just go redo it, I'll go with you. And I'll help you be able to redo this project. And she said, Mom, I need you to understand that I am discouraged by this, this is hard, before you can jump to how this is going to be better. And before you can tell me the bright side of everything, I need you to pause for just a second, and experience the discouragement with me. And walk in this moment with me that I I'm bummed about this. And it was such a lightbulb to me. And it's true. I felt that in my own life I I'm there's certain moments when you're ready to look on the bright side and ready to find solutions. But before that you need to feel validated and understood. And then you're more open in that moment to have somebody help present solutions, or to help guide to find answers.

Dr. Tim Thayne: 16:45

Empathy is such a interesting and challenging thing to get to. If if we don't just stop and intentionally say, Okay, I am going to let go of any ideas that come to my mind how to help them because I'm coming from a place of love already. That's where this instinct to help is really coming from. Empathy is also another way to help. And I think maybe that's a way to, to reframe it for ourselves, like, the way to help is to not help in the traditional way. But in a listening, just completely open way where you feel and are changed by what the other person is experiencing, not just that I'm listening, and could pare it back what they're saying. But actually a deeper level of listening where our hardest changed, and that's probably what your daughter was waiting for.

Hilary: 17:47

Yeah, I agree. I think sometimes we are nervous to find a solution. But because we don't know what to say when someone that we love is suffering. And I remember one time my cousin who is a therapist said, when you don't know what to say, you can always say how you feel. And that was a game changer for me. Because when I hear someone's story, and I don't know how to soothe them, I can say, this breaks my heart. I feel so sad right now, in this moment. And that is an answer. In that moment, when you don't have words to make it right, make it better. You can say how you feel, and you touched on something else, that key of listening. I just feel like that is a talent or a skill that is lost. We just don't listen enough. I personally love conversations where it's back and forth. And one person takes time to listen and the other person gets a chance to talk and you just it's back and forth. And it's just it doesn't happen all that often known.

Dr. Tim Thayne: 18:58

We know it when we get it, don't we I mean we, we can recognize it when we have a good listener in our presence, because what it feels like and this is kind of paradoxical what it feels like is love. And when and there's other ways we try to shore love that doesn't feel like love. And getting to the answer or the solution too quickly is is one of those ways. And so yeah, back to your song, I think that you you've struck an amazing balance there have a lot of empathy and knowing what they're going through. And in and, and ultimately another concept you introduce there that I think is profound is that there is a listener and someone that's expressing love to that person going through these dark times. And I don't think that anybody should have to go through that alone

Hilary: 19:59

and I Sure you're going to share the song or provide a link for your listeners who would like to hear the song. But just in case I forget, when it does come up later, if it does, they can find that on an app, my app called live all in, it's a free app. And the song is their key. It's called keep going, as well as the last three albums that I've released. So there's lots of music there, to soothe, to lift to, to be there for someone who's looking for something like

Dr. Tim Thayne: 20:31

they're such an inspiration. So when you sing, and when you're putting these lyrics to music, it does get to the heart. I love your music overall. But this one is really speaking to me right now. And, and so one more time, what's the app name? Again,

Hilary: 20:48

the app is called live all in all in and if so if they searched it, and it's live all in, they could add Hillary weeks to it, and it should pop right up for them. And like I said, it's a free app. And they can just enjoy the music. Fantastic.

Dr. Tim Thayne: 21:01

I didn't I knew you had an app, but I hadn't figured out the name yet. So that's, that's really great. Let's talk a little bit about the power of love. Because that's, that's what you convey in this song as well. And why? That that's kind of the the the main solution that all of us could go to, is this, this incredible power that love has in this equation. And and you shared with us your family motto. And I'd like you to talk a little bit about this question in the context of your family motto, because I found it really inspiring. I almost wanted to tweak ours a little bit after hearing this. But can you share that with our listeners?

Hilary: 21:50

Sure. Our family motto is don't worry about what others think of you worry about what they think of themselves when they're with you. And where that came from was I was about 25 years old. So we've had this in the family for a long time. And I had planned an event for youth in our community and in our church. I was in charge of it, I was the head honcho, we I went to the activity. And while the activity was going down, I was thinking to myself, no one is having fun. This is not working out like I had vision envisioned in my mind. The other leaders who were there, I could tell, were kind of thinking this isn't good. I felt like the the youth who were there, these kids were looking at me like I was a dinosaur. And I'm like, I'm only 25, I thought that they are, I thought this was going to be a cool experience for them. So you can imagine I'm sitting there just feeling kind of lousy about myself. And as I drove home, I thought it would be a really good idea to have a pity party for myself on the way home. So there I was thinking back over the activity. And I started to cry, and I wasn't feeling good about myself. And all of a sudden, I had the thought come to my heart in my mind. Don't worry about what they think of you worry about what they think of themselves when they're with you. And that's that motto that has shaped my life. And now our family's life. It's a game changer, really. Because when I was sitting there, and even if the activity was failing, I didn't need to be sitting there worried about myself. What I should have been focused on was, is there somebody in this group that I could go up to and talk to? Is there somebody that I could compliment? Was there somebody sitting by themselves? I just wasn't even concerned about that. Because I was so worried about myself. And so when our girls leave the house, sometimes if they're headed to a school gathering, or a dance or something like that, I'll remind them of the motto. And sometimes the answer, they've heard it so much. They're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it. But sometimes it's a good reminder that when you walk into a group, and for me, it makes me a little bit nervous. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'll be accepted. Do I look okay, do well, will I have the right things to say that when you walk into a group that none of that matters, all you have to do is focus on finding someone who you could lift in your time while you're there. Someone who might need a compliment somebody who just looks alone and they want to have a conversation with someone to be that listening, or empathetic ear and for our family. It's been a game changer. And it's so it's such a relief. It makes social gatherings so much easier. You're not worried about

Dr. Tim Thayne: 24:39

it's so amazing. Yeah, made powerful principles there. That yeah, when you can be self less and other focused and outwardly focused on others and how they feel about themselves in your presence. Going back to the topic of this podcast, I I'm sure that, that people in our circle, who are struggling with anxiety and depression, will, will appear on our radar, you know, because now they show up. Whereas if we're worried about ourselves, they, they might be around us, and we may not recognize their need, and won't be able to play the role that we can play in terms of sharing love with them. And your video shows a lot of different scenarios that different people can be in, it looked like there was siblings supporting each other there was, you know, there was just different people different settings, where, you know, spouse or or maybe a stranger whoever can support and there can become the show of love and support and empathy and

Hilary: 25:53

right another thing that I forgot to mention with the song that was a deliberate decision was this song as a duet. So I think part and then we have a male vocalist, casein Renshaw singing the male part, because I wanted to send the message that this isn't just a problem for girls or a problem for boys, he's 20 something years younger than me. So it also sends the message that it spans age. And I just wanted to make sure that people knew it's there's not really a stereotypical person that it hits.

Dr. Tim Thayne: 26:31

You know, it, it's true, it's really a universal issue. I did a little research on this again, and there are more women who are depressed than men that have that clinical depression. But on the on the male side, there's definitely more suicide. And so, so it really is a universal thing from the age groups as well. You know, one of the things I'm thinking about in terms of our role with other people that were around, sometimes it is surprising to find out that if we really are kind of tuned into helping them feel better about themselves, when we're around them, we might find out later, that we played a role at a really critical time that we had no idea that we were playing and that that happened to me. I was you know, I've definitely had people listen to me, at really critical times. So I've been the recipient of that, that where they've really helped me by, by being there with me. I was on the ballroom dance team at BYU. And I had worked my way up to be the, you know, on the tour team, and that's one of the things you want to get to, so you can go to these cool places, and you can dance and and, and so I've made it to the tour team, and you're always looking up at those who are maybe higher than you on the on the dancing spectrum. And I did that all the way through until I got to be on the tour team. Well, I didn't realize that was happening for other people now looking up at me, right? I just never see myself like that. And, and yet, there was a there was a young man that was, you know, on one of the backup backup teams that was really struggling in his life. And, and I guess one day, when he was really doubting himself, and going through some dark times, I guess I spent some time with him sitting and listening. I didn't even remember it. And years later, he let me know that that was huge for him. That maybe because of the fact that I was on the tour team and I took some time. But I think it was that I just listened and expressed my confidence that he would be okay that he would make it and your song does that. That's that's really kind of the message that the one going through the dark depression gets from the other person that you know, there's love and that keep going. You can make it. Yeah. Pretty awesome. Hillary. I am sure you are making such a difference in the world. And you probably hear that all the time through music because you have such a great reach. I'm so glad that you're using your God given talents to do good in the world. That is such a inspiration to me when I see people who find their thing that the thing that they came to this earth with the talents they have and that they are deliberately using it to lift because you could go sing all kinds of songs out there you got the voice So you've got the talent to write lots of different things, but you've chosen to dedicate those talents to uplifting other people, and pointing them to God, giving them hope, you know, lifting their spirits. So I just want to thank you, you know, for what you do, and and how you do it. And I just applaud people who choose a path like that in their career. So, thanks for that. And is there any parting words you'd like to share with our audience? around this topic, or anything else that you feel inspired to share?

Hilary: 30:41

I think I would just say that there is always hope, that there's always answers they might be hiding, they might be hard to find. But they, when we surround ourselves with cheerleaders, people who will lift us up and support us, then we can find those, those answers and that we're needed. Every one of us is important, and that we we matter, we can make a difference. So we need we need each other. And if anyone is suffering from challenges, depression, anxiety and feeling well, just to keep going, which is the message of that song?

Dr. Tim Thayne: 31:18

Absolutely. What a hopeful message it ultimately is. Thank you so much, Hillary for your time today. And we wish you all the best in your career as you continue to reach out and share your music and your talents with the world.

Hilary: 31:33

Thank you so much.

Dr. Tim Thayne: 31:35

And once again, before we end here, Hillary, I know you've got a website, Hillary weeks.com And it's a one L in your name Hillary is there any other place they can go to? To find you?

Hilary: 31:49

I'd love to be able to share music with people through if they want to come look at my Instagram. That's Hillary weeks music. So or Facebook, Hillary weeks, I would love to share music with them through YouTube. So Hillary weeks music again, right on YouTube. Wonderful, and they can hear all the music and both of those plays. Yes.

Dr. Tim Thayne: 32:09

I encourage everybody to go check her out in those places. Listen to the music. I promise you you will be uplifted. And thanks again,

Hilary: 32:17

Hillary. My pleasure. Thanks.

Dr. Tim Thayne: 32:19

Take care. Parents. Your time is valuable, and I'm grateful you spent some of it with us. What you're intentionally doing in your home life is inspiring and unmatched in its importance and long term effects. Ask yourself, What am I going to do because of what I've learned today?