Not By Chance Podcast

Survive and Enjoy Your Holiday

December 23, 2019 Dr. Tim Thayne Season 1 Episode 5
Not By Chance Podcast
Survive and Enjoy Your Holiday
Show Notes Transcript

Dr. Tim Thayne talks about traditions and whether we should keep them for tradition sake or adapt them to fit a new purpose. He goes over helpful tips on how to survive and even enjoy your holiday season when there are family gatherings that could potentially bring stress. 

Talmage Thayne:

Merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah, and Happy Holidays not by Chancers. I'm Talmage. Thayne son and podcast manager. Today, Dr. Tim, Thayne will be talking about traditions, specifically family traditions inside of the holidays, and how to not just survive, but have a good time with it. Let's jump into this

Dr. Tim Thayne:

Hey, everybody, here we are just the night before Christmas Eve. And I just thought I'd talk a little bit about holidays and being with family, and how to make the most of it. Some of what I'm going to say tonight is been inspired by Tara DeWitt, one of our Homeward Bound coaches. So I want to thank her for those ideas that I'll share with you tonight. But let's start for a second with just the idea of gathering as a family. There's a lot of opportunity in that. And there's a lot of potential risk in that when we get together as a family. You know, I I personally, really look forward to times with family, but it can get tiring, it can get difficult. I think it was just my last podcast that I did one on food and family, two of my favorite topics. And those two actually come together around the holiday season. So here we are just a couple days before Christmas. And we've had multiple parties we've gathered with family, and I've learned a few things that I'd like to pass on and maybe share with you. You know, first of all, let's talk about traditions for a second. With every holiday that comes along. Most families have these traditions that are long standing things they've done over the years. And sometimes we'll get ultra rigid about these traditions. And we just have to do it the same way every year. Unfortunately, these traditions sometimes are outdated. And at times, the best thing we can do is to actually kill a tradition. Because we know that it's outlasted its its purpose. When we're using a huge amount of our energy and getting very, very little return for it. We might get just a huge amount of of resistance from family members as well. So look at your traditions and ask yourself the question has this outlived its its purpose. Let me give you a quick example of that. For years and years, my mother, she's one of the most giving amazing women on planet Earth, I'm pretty sure that and she wants to give gifts to everyone that that she cares about. And that's a lot of people. And as our family has grown over the years, it's become unwieldy. And really to the point where we knew we're putting a lot of pressure on her to have to shop for all of that and pay for all of that. And it was difficult to get my mom to let go of this tradition. But this year, we managed to do it. And I have to say really grateful for the change. So instead of giving gifts to every grandchild to every child, she let us go to the giving machine. There's some machines here in Utah really cool concept and idea that it's almost like a vending machine, you walk up to it and has all these options that you can put money in and donate to, and it will go to someone that is in need of those things somewhere in the world. This year, we bought a little pig, one pig, Roxanne and I bought that was gonna go to somebody. And it just felt really great. And we had the opportunity to come back as a family and, and in those circles talk about, you know, what we had been able to do and just how it felt to give like that, that took the place of of this gift exchange than in the past. It's been unwieldy and just took a long time and honestly, a huge amount of money that that I didn't want, my mom and dad have to fork out. So it was special. So think about your two traditions, decide which ones you're going to keep and which ones you're going to modify which ones you might just get rid of altogether. Couple of the points. I do want to keep this short couple of the points. Just remember that sometimes this time of year, we think that we can let go of real important boundaries because it's the holidays. Keep in mind, though, that you can make decisions on what conversations to have in these family events. If you're going to topics that you'd rather not feel free to change the conversation, move it to something different If there's behaviors that you're worried about with your kids around the holidays, make sure that they understand there's still some boundaries. Sometimes this time of year, we just let go of all the things that create structure and in the lives of our children, and then we have to pay for that laters, we try to reel that back in and set that schedule again, and change the diet back again, and all of that. So yeah, it is time to enjoy. But I found that gluttony tends to not necessarily be easy to pull yourself out of keep in mind, too, that you are powerful, you have the ability to actually affect a large group of people, if you have a large group of family members coming, the way you go into that is going to make a difference. To be your very best self, you know, get the rest you need, go into it energized and happy. I'd say also go into focusing on the things you love about your family members, what are those things that you can genuinely compliment them on and appreciate that energy, that appreciation will absolutely come through and will affect that whole evening will affect the feelings there. Think about before you start? How do you want this to go? It's almost like the covey statement, where he says, begin with the end in mind. How do you want this event to go? Do the planning necessary, don't overdo it, keep it simple, but the kinds of things it's going to make that special, think about it ahead of time. And you might recruit a few people to your side that can help you with that. So it's not all on you. I think sometimes if you take on the lion's share of the load, if you're like me, you might go into it with a little chip on your shoulder and frustrated that nobody else is doing their share. And obviously, that's not going to that's not going to create the outcome that you're hoping for. The last thing I'll say is don't try to control the outcome is that paradoxical? Did I just say something kind of crazy, like, you know, plan ahead, think about how you want it to end. But in the end, don't try to control the outcome. I think those two things can coexist. And a really, really powerful principles for this time of year. The Dalai Lama said, do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace. The good thing about being human is that we can actually do that in spite of whatever might be happening around us. We can maintain an inner peace, especially if we're practicing meditation and self talk and time away and going for a walk and all of those things that can help us manage the way we're feeling. Well, I hope you have a wonderful holiday season. Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year, and that, that you find great joy with the members of your family and connection that can bind you together and create that network of support that's so vital to have in our lives at this time.