The Quarterback DadCast
A Father's Journey Supporting his wife living with Epilepsy
Today's episode is one that I hope helps another dad who is either dealing with epilepsy or supporting a spouse with epilepsy.
We get to speak with Nick Brown of Fenway Search in this heartfelt and vulnerable conversation. Nick and I met during my time at Kforce, and now Nick is a partner at the fantastic Fenway Search, which provides premier finance and accounting recruiting services. Nick is married to his wonderful wife, Allison, and the father of his two fantastic children.
Growing up in an Italian-American family in Boston, Nick would share how important family was to him. Before diving into the challenges of epilepsy, we learn about Nick, the dad, and how his parents impacted him now that he is a father. We learned that pasta was more than just a staple dish but a symbol of togetherness. We explore the profound impact of cultural immersion with Nick, and I share personal tales about our own experiences with cultural identity.
Nick is a man who loves his family and is extremely loyal to them. His dedication, largely inspired by the roles his own parents played in his life, is something Nick hopes to pass down to his own children.
Navigating the challenges of parenting is never easy, and those challenges can be magnified when living with a chronic illness. Nick and I share our experiences with epilepsy, shedding some light on the struggles faced by those grappling with this condition. You will hear the day he found out his wife would face the challenges of epilepsy.
As the episode wraps, you will hear why being present and hands-on are two things Nick always focuses on as a dad. We wrap up our engaging conversation with a keen look at the power of vulnerability and humility as we delve into its impact on Nick's experience.
Join us on this journey as we embrace the complexities and joys of fatherhood, cultural heritage, personal growth, epilepsy, and more!
A huge shoutout goes to the support that the New England Epilepsy Foundation as provided Nick and his family.
Our sea adventures cover fishing, wildlife tours, beach excursions, scuba diving, snorkeling, paddle
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
Please don't forget to leave us a review wherever you consume your podcasts! Please help us get more dads to listen weekly and become the ultimate leader of their homes!
Today's episode is one that I hope helps another dad who is either dealing with epilepsy or supporting a spouse with epilepsy.
We get to speak with Nick Brown of Fenway Search in this heartfelt and vulnerable conversation. Nick and I met during my time at Kforce, and now Nick is a partner at the fantastic Fenway Search, which provides premier finance and accounting recruiting services. Nick is married to his wonderful wife, Allison, and the father of his two fantastic children.
Growing up in an Italian-American family in Boston, Nick would share how important family was to him. Before diving into the challenges of epilepsy, we learn about Nick, the dad, and how his parents impacted him now that he is a father. We learned that pasta was more than just a staple dish but a symbol of togetherness. We explore the profound impact of cultural immersion with Nick, and I share personal tales about our own experiences with cultural identity.
Nick is a man who loves his family and is extremely loyal to them. His dedication, largely inspired by the roles his own parents played in his life, is something Nick hopes to pass down to his own children.
Navigating the challenges of parenting is never easy, and those challenges can be magnified when living with a chronic illness. Nick and I share our experiences with epilepsy, shedding some light on the struggles faced by those grappling with this condition. You will hear the day he found out his wife would face the challenges of epilepsy.
As the episode wraps, you will hear why being present and hands-on are two things Nick always focuses on as a dad. We wrap up our engaging conversation with a keen look at the power of vulnerability and humility as we delve into its impact on Nick's experience.
Join us on this journey as we embrace the complexities and joys of fatherhood, cultural heritage, personal growth, epilepsy, and more!
A huge shoutout goes to the support that the New England Epilepsy Foundation as provided Nick and his family.
Our sea adventures cover fishing, wildlife tours, beach excursions, scuba diving, snorkeling, paddle
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
Please don't forget to leave us a review wherever you consume your podcasts! Please help us get more dads to listen weekly and become the ultimate leader of their homes!
Hi, I'm Riley and I'm Ryder, and this is my Dad's Show. Hey everybody, it's KCJ Cox with the quarterback Dadcast. I'm excited to announce we have a brand new sponsor joining the show, which is called LatitudeSitkacom, a Latitude 57. Now this company's mission is to provide an unparalleled Alaskan experience that will enable their customers to explore everything that the region has to offer. Additionally, they are dedicated to supporting and promoting the local community, the culture, as well as protecting and preserving the natural beauty that the resources of the region have to offer us. So I'm going there in June. I can't wait.
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Speaker 2:Well, hey everybody, it's Casey Jacobs with the quarterback dadcast. We're getting towards the tail end of season four and our next guest is a is a gentleman that my path crossed back in 2010 to 2015 ish, when we both spent time at the lovely grounds and recess of K Force, and now this gentleman has gone on to do bigger and better things. He is a partner at a place called Fenway search and if you're hearing Fenway, of course he's located in Boston, but a fantastic company named to be in Boston, I think it's. I don't know if it was by choice, but I think it's still really, really cool. He said, as a partner there provide corporate accounting, strategic audit, tax controls, finance reporting all for consulting and staffing in that industry and does some amazing, amazing work. He also is a crusader. We'll hear about that. But, more importantly, we're going to talk about this gentleman, nick Brown, the dad, and how he's working hard to become the ultimate, or quarterback, leader of his household. So without further ado, mr Brown, welcome to the quarterback dadcast.
Speaker 1:Thanks, Casey, Thanks for having me. I've been a been a fan of yours and the and the podcast now, so it's been fun to fun to catch back up.
Speaker 2:You bet. Well, I appreciate you reaching out, and this is the power of LinkedIn everybody. It's just like, if you're curious and you and you like connecting with people, so many great things can happen from that. I could probably do seven hours of podcast episodes on that one, but all right, nick, we always start each episode gratitude. So tell me, what are you most grateful for as a father today?
Speaker 1:You know I would flip this almost the reverse direction because of the situation I'm going to go. You know I may get into later in the podcast, but I'm most grateful for my, for my parents and the leadership that they have shown me over the years, not just when I was growing up, but when you know when the time, when the time comes now and when the time has come very, very often.
Speaker 1:I find it as a as a dad. So I kind of find myself looking back towards that and then trying to to look, you know, look down towards my kids and pass that that same gratitude on.
Speaker 2:Love it, love it. I am grateful. Last night was a fun night. We are recording in October October this episode will come out in about a month or so and my son had his high school banquet for his senior season. Golf it's where the in. So in Seattle we have golf in the fall. It's like a fall season that we take a break and then if you qualify for the distance and state, you get to do that in the. You could do that in the in the spring.
Speaker 2:So he, he has had a great high school career. He found out he was first team all league for the third consecutive year last year. He's a four year letterman. He got named first team all league academic, which I joke to my wife, I'm like honey, god, I'm glad I took after you. We had a good gill there. But but what was cool is I mean as much as that was neat to see he how, how he handled himself and he got it. He got to introduce sale of something nice about the coaches he introduced. Next year's captain talked about that and it was just. It was fun to see kind of him just like not to be afraid to speak in front of there's 50 people there last night and he owned it. It did a fantastic job, and so I was grateful for that moment. I just kind of sat back and watched and I really, really enjoyed it.
Speaker 1:That's awesome, that's cool to hear so guys. So golf, golf. It runs in the family down down there, huh.
Speaker 2:We're yeah. Well, I wish I could see I play. I was a football guy. There's an Uncle Rika moment right there. I wish I could have played. I wish I could have played golf in high school too, but golf when football were in the fall Right, but I would have. I love competing in golf now. It's fun and essentially because my fitness goals, nick, are twofold don't get fat and don't get hurt and golf helps me do that. Like I avoid people like hey, you want to play pickleball? No, I don't. That's sudden movement and almost 48 years old, that's an injury waiting to happen.
Speaker 1:You like your hamstrings.
Speaker 2:I do. I like my keelies. I like my quads. My buddy's call me Quadsilla when I wear short shorts. That's false. Okay, I would like to go in the Nick Brown huddle and tell me about each member of the family and what everybody's up to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, sure, so we'll start with my wife. So my wife is is Allison. She is a very, very loving mother and wife. She used to be a teacher, which was, which was awesome, and I remember when we were getting married and having those initial conversations about family and that type of stuff, thinking, geez, this is, this sounds like a good groundwork to start with. You know, she was good she's, she would.
Speaker 1:In fact, I met her in Boston when she was doing her, her master's in education and then saw her transition from from that that collegiate world to an academic world right into right, directly into teaching and unfortunately she actually found, was able to quickly find, you know, great jobs at local schools in in the area and sort of propel that into a specialization in in in special education, in particular in reading, which again I thought, geez, this is, this is, this is fantastic. You know, if we go to have a family and you know we'll have some some good support and guidelines with with her expertise there in place. So she, she's no longer working. Unfortunately, she's going through a little bit of a health condition right now and and that's preventing her from from more from working.
Speaker 1:But she's she's here on the home front every day, you know, super, super present, as as much as she can be, given the constraints of the health issue that she's she's battling right now. And then so we, we, 10 years ago we had our daughter Kaylee. So Kaylee is really super remarkable kid and she's, right from the time she was born, super bright-eyed. You know that kid, you know kid, taking the first step and running by like nine months. Just, you know, super, super energetic, always a smile, you know, always runs into the room smiling, never sort of let down and and you know, it's, it's, it's fun to see that, as, I guess, as a dad because you don't, you know, you know, personalities don't come out necessarily I feel like right away, and and people's, you know, people can change.
Speaker 1:And this girl, just, she wears it, she wears it on her sleeve, she wears it on her face, it's, it's so cool to see, but she brings the energy, she brings the attention. She's a fifth grader here and she's the kid man, the kid. She found the sport that I didn't realize was a sport, I mean. So she, she was doing gymnastics for a couple of years you know this is five, six years ago and realized how competitive and how you know the schedule is. Really. It's really really pretty, pretty tight. They want you there all the time and she was doing a camp and they had introduced her to to what is known as ninja. But for clarification sake, if you've ever seen that show, american Ninja Warrior- that's.
Speaker 1:that's what she's doing, so it's it's all like yeah, it's opposite of, of course, rate racing, it's stuff basically that like you or I would would have killed to do as a kid. But you know we didn't have that stuff growing up, so it's it's pretty neat to see. So she gravitated towards this a year ago and, and believe it or not, she, she made this team locally at a gym. She ends up competing in some of the events, qualifying for what is like this New England regional competition, which gets her to the, to the regionals. She wins the regionals for her, for her age group. She gets this, this, this thing that says you've qualified for the worlds, down in Orlando, florida, in July. And I'm thinking to myself what's the? What's the world, what's the world? What does that mean?
Speaker 1:Yeah, but geez, it's in Orlando, so okay at least it's the US or something, or maybe even the East coast. But but no, we go there and you know we're bumping into so, so I skipped the stuff. So she, she, she, she wins, that wins this ticket to the worlds. And we weren't necessarily planning on going had we not already been down in the area. So we, we made it work, so we were down there. We're bumping into people from Brisbane, Australia and France and Canada, I think it was.
Speaker 1:It was really neat, you know, way more organized than I could ever have imagined, and it's one of the fastest growing youth sports in the country, I believe. So so she's really into that. She does soccer and lacrosse and kind of the other stuff the kids do at that age. And then we've got William, so will came along two years after her and was was eight, he's, he's, he's in third grade here locally and same thing.
Speaker 1:Just just, an awesome kid doesn't, doesn't come bouncing into the room with, with, with the same sort of, you know, bright, bright eye, you know, hard on the sleeve. He's a little bit more, a little little bit more of a mystery when it comes to emotions and things like that. But but, but really, you know, same thing, tons, tons, tons of good energy in general, really awesome. Kid, he, they, you know I, we got lucky, like you talked about your son with, with the golf, and you know I know that you guys like to to play golf together, which is awesome. I mean, you know we, we as a family, we we like to, we like to ski, so which has been hard because of my wife's situation, but lately, at least for the last couple of years, but but as a family we got into skiing and and and so the kids you know, they.
Speaker 1:they can pretty much everything you throw at them golf club, soccer ball, ninja courses, skis they pick it up and run with it. So it's, it's been a lot of fun. It's another thing I guess I'm grateful for, casey, that you know it's been a lot of fun like getting out and having you know, kind of reliving my childhood through them Totally. You know it's that, that which you know you never think you get to get a chance to do that, but as a parent you totally do. So no, will, wills, wills, heavily into baseball. He's made his all-star team this past spring and got into it in the summer and he does soccer as well and and he'll play some golf with me. You know occasionally when we can get out, but they're just great kids. So those are that's, that's my, that's my inner circle.
Speaker 2:Love it and tell me how you and Allison met.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we met in Boston, you know so. I grew up north of the city, she grew up in just outside Syracuse and she was going to to Leslie, which is one of the local universities, to get master's, master's in education. So we were both living and working in the city, you know, living and working, working slash, going to school in the city. And we actually met through a college friend of mine who, coincidentally, was a high school friend of hers from Syracuse. So we met one night and kind of the rest is history. We, we, we found, we found each other, some, some best friends.
Speaker 1:A fellow crusader she is not, but my friend that was yeah, our mutual friend was, and she, the girl that we met through, was the girl that she had got to high school with up in upstate New York there.
Speaker 2:So I don't, I don't know why I always bring up the mascots and all these podcasts episodes. It's fun. Holy cross, baby, let's go. Crusaders, right, right. Okay, so I already have questions, but I'm going to. I'm going to hold that because I want to. I want to go back in time and I want to understand what was life, life like growing up for Nick, and I want to understand you know the impact your parents had on you. Now that you're a dad, talk about that journey.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you know I grew up north of Boston, right and and sort of a you know very run of the mill, blue collar type type town. My father was. He worked for the state for essentially 35 years of you know of his career.
Speaker 1:So he was, he was actually in, he worked for the department of social services, which is now the department of children and family here in the state of Massachusetts, which you know, gets it out in a second, because that was that sort of that, that that did sort of set a lot of the the thing you know, the worldly thinking I don't know what to say, worldly thinking, but like the thinking of what's, what else is going on out there and outside of our house, because I think you know, I think I I fall guilty of this a lot, but you know, there is a world outside of our, of our own homes, you know, and people are going through different things and living life differently.
Speaker 1:So but I'll get to that in a second and you know my mom was, was a, was a stay at home for. For most of my childhood, though, she did do substitute teaching and she got involved in our towns parent teacher organization and, and just you know all the activities that we were involved with, I mean essentially when I grew up in a, you know, as the oldest of three. So my mom was, was the bus. You know she was the. She was the bus to and from everywhere we needed to go, while dad was closer to the city in Boston, working, and when he had at home, he he didn't give himself more than two minutes before he threw his sneakers on and his tracksuit on and off.
Speaker 1:We went to soccer or hockey or baseball, and you know whether it was my brother or my sister or myself, and you know, darn it, he freaking coached every. He coached every, you know, coach us all through through. You know I don't know how they made it work. Looking back on it as a dad of only two, I really I don't logistically know how they made it work, but they did you know, but but it's in the, in the funny thing and you know.
Speaker 1:But all this is like so every night. Not only did we, did we get where we were going and get there early and with all the things that we needed, but we, we, we had a hot meal on the table too Like it you know it was just a modest like pasta and sauce I mean so.
Speaker 1:So my, so my childhood does revolve pretty closely around this sort of like greater Boston, north of the city, like Italian, american, italian Americans, and what I mean by that is my mom was is also saying so. My mom, you know, you, I mean Casey, even to this day, you never, you don't go to my parents' house and without a fresh batch of meatballs in sauce in the fridge. I mean just you know, and then immediately being offered, being offered something to eat. So I grew up like that, yeah, and so pasta was a staple, you know, we kind of lived our lives around it and but it was a hot meal in the last it was on the table in the right time.
Speaker 1:Everybody got out the door into their activities when they needed to, you know. And we saw our family a lot Like growing up. We, we, we saw off, you know, because that my mom was, was, was one of four and all her family stayed around that general greater Boston area and you know, so we saw we got really close with our, with our uncles and our aunts and our cousins, and you know, we saw them, saw them all the time, birthdays, whatever else, you know, going on apple picking trips, whatever it might be, you know nothing extravagant but but but certainly close knit family, you know got together, watched games, eat food lots of good food had some laughs and we still, to this day, I mean, you know we're, we're in the Metro West part of the, the, the area, the greater Boston area now, but you know, in most of them did, did sort of still land in that kind of north of Boston area, but you know we're, we're, we're as close as we ever have been, and so we still do a lot of those same things.
Speaker 1:Traditions, traditions are traditions, you know, and you, you kind of stick, you stick with some of that stuff.
Speaker 1:So I that's, a that's how I grew up. I mean, you know it's, it's, it's ironic, you know you, you mentioned the crusaders, like I am. So I actually wrote my college essay on some of my family traditions and how much that meant to me and how big a part of my life that was. And particularly this Christmas Eve tradition that we have where one of my uncles races down to the docks in Boston and he grabs a case full of live fresh lobsters right off the boats. My aunt's back at her house and she's cooking, she's whipping up like a pot of sauce and meatballs like bigger than you've ever seen. It's like a freaking bathtub. And then she goes with the spaghetti and then we do a big stuff shrimp and we do a whole platter of big stuff mushrooms and all the vegetables and things like that.
Speaker 1:But the traditions are fun and they're kind of quirky. So if you'll give me like a second to kind of walk, you walk through it just because it is kind of cool and I found over the years somewhat unique. So after Uncle Jim gets back with the lobsters, the guys go down early and to my aunt's house on Christmas Eve and we throw whatever games on on TV. All the guys are standing around talking sports, talking this, talking that, and we're all we're, we're, we're, we're utilizing these lobsters, we're, we're, we're slaying these lobsters that are going to be dinner later, but we race them across the floor and we just kind of have goofy. You know just some goofy, goofy fun, goofy fun with with the future dinner.
Speaker 1:And we still do that stuff to this day. It's a, it's a blast. I look forward to it every single day. You know, it's stuff like that, that, like you know, and then that I grew up on, like that's kind of what shaped me as a person. So I think a lot of it, like a lot of the way I dad, the way I, the way I dad, father does, center around sort of you know, hey, what are we going to have? A nice Sunday meal together, you know, nice hot Sunday meal together. We're going to try to sit down every night as a family, you know, with a 10 year, eight, 10 and eight year old. Now it's it's. You know, life has started to pick up a little bit, but but I do find myself wanting to to continue to get that that hot plate on the meat on the table before we head off to to baseball or soccer or what, or ninja or whatever. So so little little little window into how I grow up.
Speaker 2:Love it. Now, were your mom or dad like first generation Americans to date? Is there? Is there a line? Second, yeah, do you ever hear talk to your grandparents about those stories of immigrating over?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean it's fun. So so you know my papa, he, he, they're actually all since the past but they, they, they live just pretty, you know, to pretty pretty ripe old ages, my purple to 96 and was 97. And you know grandparents on the other side, 88 and 85. So pretty pretty, you know pretty, pretty long lives, you know, fortunate and grateful to have them. You know have had them as long as we did.
Speaker 1:And yeah, I mean you should talk to talk about that stuff all the time and you know where to come from and who did you talk to and who do you keep in touch with? And unfortunately we don't know a lot of family overseas. And you know my dad's father, his family is from, from Ireland and in England prior to that, but they, you know the same thing we kind of lost touch with with a lot of this lot of family over the years. So unfortunately we haven't been able to really to really map that, that family tree, as well as we would like. But yeah, it's been, it's been fun. My later, you know later, in my childhood my younger brother was a couple years younger than I am. He ended up in college going, going over to Italy and studying, studying over in in.
Speaker 1:Florence, which is Florence right For, for an entire year. And it was a full immersion program, not like one of those let's go in, let's party and kind of, you know, do touristy things for sick, for a half a, for a semester, for half a year, but this was full blown live, live, you know, live in an Italian household, nothing but Italian spoken, go to the university, university and, and you know, take part in Italian life. And he did, you know, he did gravitate towards it a lot because of the way we grew up and, you know, wanting to kind of get back to to, to, you know, to that culture and live it. And so he was able to. He has been able to travel to some areas that the fact that we know the family roughly is from, but we haven't been able to connect with people, unfortunately, I it.
Speaker 2:They maybe call it ironic or serendipity or I don't know what we want to say, but like. So last week I mentioned before we started recording, I was in San Diego, or San Diego, as Ron Burgundy says and we there's this amazing authentic Italian restaurant in Carlsbad called Cucina 2051. So if anybody is listening and and you live in San Diego, san Diego, go check it out. It was the. The authentic accents were so rich of Italian history and culture and I was just like I was like I didn't need the balls. I was like I started almost like talking to him.
Speaker 1:We're using your hands too, yeah.
Speaker 2:I was like. I was like where's my beret? And like can I start painting something? It was the best meatballs I've ever I had. Like I think I gained like 48 pounds in meals. I could not stop eating the meatballs.
Speaker 2:And we I was joking with one of my clients. I was like they gotta be actors. There's no way they're that. But it was just and they were. They took so much pride in the food and so much pride in service and it was like I left, like, so inspired by them, like behind me everybody you know people at home can't see if there's a belief sign and when I do, like when I coach business leaders and sales teams, I always talk about what I believe, what I believe, what you do matters, which I got taught by a mentor of mine named John Kaplan, and such a powerful word that you know. I think as dads we can teach our kids that I learned last week and just hearing it from you, like the passion your family had and why I shared that. I don't know, but it was on my heart so I want to share it so.
Speaker 1:And good for you. You said you pronounced it right. Kuchina, it's a hard one.
Speaker 2:People, people, almost people, kind of which are the, the pronunciations, but Well, there was a used to be a restaurant in our, my hometown growing up called, called Kuchina and Kuchina and it was. We loved it. And then it was kind of like turned into like kind of a chain and then they went out of business like and I can't remember 15 years ago or something. But they had like focaccia commasola bread it was just like with garlic and the cheese uh, commasola cheese. Yeah, and it was just. We used to just destroy it. That was good. I'm getting hungry.
Speaker 3:Hi, I'm Leslie Vickery, the CEO and founder of Clear Edge, a company dedicated to transforming the business of talent through our three lines of business clear edge, marketing, recruiting and rising that help organizations across the recruitment and HR tech sectors grow their brands and market share while building their teams with excellence and equity. I believe we were one of Casey's very first clients. He helped our sales and account teams Especially those people on the front lines of building and developing client relationships in so many ways. Here are a few. He helped us unlock the power of curiosity. For me it was a game changer. I was personally learning all about Ted based that's, tell, explain, describe, questioning and that really resonated with me. We also learned about unlocking the power of humility and unlocking the power of vulnerability. Casey taught us to be a team player, to embrace change, to stay positive. He is one of the most positive people I know. He believes that optimism, resilience and a sense of humor can go a long way in helping people achieve their goals and overcome obstacles.
Speaker 3:And I agree Casey's book when the Relationship, not the Deal it is a must read. Listen, whether you're looking for coaching and training or a powerful speaker or keynote, casey is one of the people I recommend when talking to companies. The end result for us, at least as one of Casey's clients our own clients would literally commend our approach over all other companies, from the way we were prepared in advance of a call to how we drove meetings, to how we follow up. It sounds really basic, I know, but let me tell you it is a standout approach that led to stronger relationships. I encourage you to learn more by going to kcjcoxcom. You have nothing to lose by having a conversation and a lot to gain. Now let's get back to Casey's podcast, the Quarterback Dadcast.
Speaker 2:Okay, I want to ask so, as you think about values your parents taught you that were maybe either maybe hard lessons for you or positive lessons for you that now you will use as you parent your kids. Tell me what comes to mind.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean that sort of sense of family. I think that's kind of the staple, that's kind of what I've sort of circulated around when. I think about things here in our house. I guess what's that mean to me.
Speaker 1:As I mentioned, despite a lot of what's going on here on the home front that might be hurtful. As your mountainous in nature, on a daily basis I do try to get a hot meal on the table. A lot of times it's going from work to pick up to home to get that cooking started, or sometimes even preparing meals the night before, or several on a Sunday or something, if I have time.
Speaker 1:So, being able to sort of, I think, sit down in the face-to-face on a face-to-face basis on a daily basis and have a regular conversation or as best we can. I mean they're 8 and 10 now, so there's stuff going on and being able to sort of share that stuff as a family and not worry that or help back that anybody obviously in our house is going to judge or look at and find, and that it's a safe place and that they can rely on us if they're not. Everything has to be good. Sometimes life is tough, so going through bad stuff it's okay to share, but leaning on us, I think, is so important.
Speaker 1:I never used to think about this, right, but it's the stuff you think about as a dad. You want your kids, as they get older at least I'm speaking for you. I guess when I say you, I should say me I want my kids to know that they have people here in the house that they don't have to hold back if they feel hurt or they feel worried or they feel happy and whatever it might be emotionally.
Speaker 1:So I try to really instill that and just by being present and being there with them whether it's fun whether they're acting up or hitting each other or having a great day just being there.
Speaker 2:Were your parents like that for you, Rona.
Speaker 1:Oh, 100%. I mean that was one of the. If I look at what I'm going through as a family here, then other people that I know that didn't have as consistent of a childhood. I look back on that. I just man, I took that for granted. I just didn't know.
Speaker 1:Fortunately, my mom was there every day, and there when we left, there when we came home and my dad was very consistent, left the house at the same time, came back at the same time, coached us, helped us with homework, helped us with anything that we possibly needed and thankfully they were both healthy. They're still both healthy. I grew up my brother and sister were healthy, like we're, healthy and happy and getting through life and we may not have had the top of the line hockey stick or the first golf club that came out or newest golf club that came out, but we certainly everything we wanted to do. They made it work. And it was one of those things where I always saw my dad.
Speaker 1:I can remember think back to late nights in the kitchen before bed and it was at least once a week where he'd grab his get this like secretary type tray with like that one with like the felt in the bottom of it and the wooden tray with the felt. So he had all this paperwork in there and bills and everything that he was tracking. And remember, take that thing out, stand at the counter, always stand. Not sure why it never sat, but always stand at the counter and start taking things out. Everything was neat and organized. He bounced the checkbook and it's funny to say, but like I'll speak on behalf of my kids balance something as simple as balancing the checkbook. I never thought I would take that for granted. My parents always used to joke around when they watch us do online banking and stuff, but now our kids don't even see paper money anymore Like that, they just it's like oh yeah wait.
Speaker 1:When you go to the store you don't just give them that credit card and you know they don't understand that there's money behind it, right that it's funny. So I do think, like I think, because I grew up like hands on an old school, my parents always did everything, like my dad, you know, like just like he paid the bills on a weekly, consistent basis. He was the one that was repairing, you know, making their pairs in the household. You know he called Uncle Joe or he called Uncle Jim to come down and hold that up and do this and help wire that, and you know and they always, they always were super, super hands on.
Speaker 1:So growing up, like for me, I was right by my dad's side watching everything he was doing and taking part in this, because that, because you know, they were standing around doing stuff and I always thought that was interesting.
Speaker 1:And now, like you know, in my house, like I, you know a lot of our neighbors now and we're, fortunate, we, you know, we live in a nice suburb and you know we're, we're, we're, you know where. I think most people probably probably don't have those skills or, if they did, don't take the time to kind of just get on, get hands on and show their kids that they, you can do, you can do things if you, if you know, if you pay attention and and and you know, try and and. That's that's something I think it's it's lost these days. You know people, just you know, and I, like, I love, I love trying to instill that sort of that old school, like hands-on mentality, from fixing something in the house to you know to, to cook, you know to cook, like out to the state Casey, it's it's you know talk about, keep continue to play on this Italian, this Italian train.
Speaker 1:For a little while, like you know, like I, I, during COVID I'm, you know COVID gave everybody a little bit more time and you know I, I started to to really like accelerate a lot of the cooking I was doing and you know my wife's condition is it makes her, it makes it a little bit hard difficult these days for her to to be as involved around that time of day and in in the cooking and stuff. So you know, we, her and I, used to share that duty. We used to have fun cooking together and you know, and that's not not necessarily always, always an option these days. So I, you know, during COVID I, because you know being home and it was convenient, I started to to try to, you know, fine-tune recipes and experiment and play with different variants of sauce and things, and you know, and and bread and you know, and so now I'm like I'm making my own, I'm making my own gnocchi's, I'm making my own pastas and sauce and breads and things like that.
Speaker 1:And you know I can't do it every night, of course, but like you know, try to do it. I try to do it with the kids once a week and and they love it. I mean, they're, they're involved like, they're hand-rolling the pastas and doing all this stuff with me, and so it's, it's fun Like, and I I'm glad that they're taking to it, because I I look around like and I a lot of times we'll try to invite some of the friends over in the neighborhood with their kids and you know we can, we're going to make the possum, the shock on on on our, on our neighbors' faces when they walk in and they see, you know, they see that we're going to do it together, hands-on. It's like, well, we say you're going to actually do that. I thought, you know, we were just coming over from a you know store-bought pizza or whatever. But but I can't, because of because, you know, because of God, I grew up like that I'm like I can't buy the the store-bought sauce, you know it's a sin.
Speaker 1:My mother would think it was a sin.
Speaker 2:I joke. If so, if you looked up, if you Google the word worse handiest man and then click on images, you'll see me with a tool belt with paper mache, scissors and glue.
Speaker 1:Well, at least you're a handsome guy. So there we go. I appreciate that.
Speaker 2:Well, I, I like I am not. I I'm tongue-in-cheek, I'm. I always say I'm a great second hand, like hard worker, I love getting my hands dirty and stuff. I just my mind I don't have the engineering mind that says, oh, I see how we're going to build that. Oh, I see how this deck's going to go, I see, I just it does not.
Speaker 2:And I'm like I'm complete and my buddies give me a hard time and I always, I always joke like hey, when's the last time you spoke in front of foreign people? Or how many words can you type per minute? You know, just I'm stupid to like you know, guy banter, but like we all got our strengths and that's not one of them, but I love doing it. I love building stuff, when I get to help, like my buddies and stuff. But and my wife, she's crazy handy, her dad is like legit MacGyver, he was an airline pilot, fixes everything you know. And my daughter takes to it.
Speaker 2:Unfortunately, my son's kind of a little bit like me, like he'll work hard, but he just doesn't have the mind and I'm like, so it's like you know, you got to celebrate kind of what your strengths, weaknesses are, but unfortunately I'm not one of mine there, nikki. Okay, so when we before we recorded, I know that you shared a little bit about your wife, which I thought would be a powerful episode, and I'm hopeful that there's someone at home listening today or if there's someone home listening that has a friend that we can share this episode with. But whatever you feel comfortable with, I love for you to share a little bit about what's going on with Allison and maybe the impact has had on the family and how she's doing. Maybe I'll you can just take it from there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thanks, it has, you know, it's been sort of there's been an evolution to what and what we share and how we talk about it. For sure, because it's, you know, it's something that we didn't. It's pretty debilitating, you know, and so I'll kind of take a step back and tell you a little bit more. I guess you know, about four and a half years ago in fact, it was Super Bowl weekend, you know, and I think the Patriots, yeah, the Patriots were playing that Super Bowl. So this was, this would have been February, you know, february, almost five years ago.
Speaker 1:So my wife and I were Allison and I were trying to get ready to go grab the rare night out dinner, you know dinner, quick dinner, and back to rescue the kids. But my brother and his wife had just gotten over to the house to watch the kids and I was downstairs setting them up with some food and things, getting that stuff going, while my Allison, you know, was finished up getting ready upstairs and I hear this bang, like not like I dropped a you know my phone, my cell phone, or you know a ball, or something like that. It was a loud, loud thud, like like scary thud in your house and I was like geez, what was that? You know, I wonder if something happened up there. You know she must have just tripped or something right. And then, a second or two later, I hear another one even louder and I'm like what is that?
Speaker 1:So I sprint up the stairs and I get into the bathroom and you know my wife's on the floor kneeling there and I was trying to talk to her and saying what's going on and you know she was just kind of staring like off, almost like off into space and I was, I thought actually, I honestly thought and you know it's a little bit, it's a little bit funny now, but like I thought she was joking so I kind of was like I was laughing and oh, you just tripped and fell that type of thing, obviously hoping that that was the case. And she just never responded and the she went into what I now know was a full grandma or tonic-clonic seizure. So that was the first time that she's ever that's ever happened. You know I had never witnessed this so I didn't know what to do. But you know the bathroom's tile floor so I kind of just I guess I got to. You know, make sure she's not going to fall on the ground and hurt herself.
Speaker 1:So I'm there with her and holding her and she's going through this seizure and I, you know, I was scared out of my mind. So I'm yelling downstairs to my brother and his wife hey call my mom. I don't know what's happening. I think it's a seizure. Can you get them here as soon as possible, you know?
Speaker 1:that night we went to the hospital, she became clear. We came home Several hours later tired and hungry. We're sitting around the table, Kids are in bed, my parents are there at this point and you know we're talking and Allison's trying to get some food down and all of a sudden she picks her head up again and sort of like looks to the side and just stares off into space again and then falls off the chair onto the kitchen floor, had another seizure. We called the ambulance back because at this point I'm thinking, okay, we don't know what this is, we don't know what happened. They didn't want to do tests necessarily when we were there the first time. So we get her back to the hospital. She has two more seizures over the course of the next couple hours and they throw her. Obviously they admit her so a few days later and lots of tests.
Speaker 1:You know, speaking with lots of doctors, things like that we you know, we, they sort of vaguely concluded that she may have some form of epilepsy, but it's not. They can't conclude that necessarily. This is all stuff, by the way. I'm still finding out and learning as we go, because it's it's difficult, you know, not knowing a lot about these things on the front and obviously not being a doctor, of course it's difficult to sort of follow along and understand how even doctors communicate, you know, things back to you in sometimes a more ambiguous way than you want them to.
Speaker 1:You know, but lucky for us, I mean, you know we're here in Boston and you know some of the best hospitals and you know smartest doctors in the world are here and researching and collaborating with those from around the world. So it's, I feel, incredibly fortunate that we're here. But you know, so that's four or five years years ago at this point, and you know we get on with life after that, right, but she's not supposed to so very quickly, like she's not supposed to drive for six months and because she's had a seizure and that's different states, that ruling kind of you know, is treated differently. So she's not, so she. So here we are, it's February and we're in the middle of her school year. You know the kid, the kid it's not, it's not COVID at this point. So the kids, kids are at school and I'm traveling to and from the office, of course, and she's traveling to and from her. You know her from her school.
Speaker 1:So we had to improvise. You know, it's like one of those things. Like the kids, you know the kids, that night they didn't see anything happen with her, but they, they did hear the ambient CD MV on see me rush out, walk around, you know, walk around it. They were at least Kaylee at the time was incredibly scared. She, you know, look on her face and never forget it Just total, total fright. I mean like something you never want to see a kid like just you never want to see your kid that way, totally scared. And you know, I look, I remember saying it to her. I looked, I looked back right back, right back at her and I kind of you, kind of kind of said something to the effect of Kaylee, I'm scared too. It's okay to be scared, but we're going to get you know, dad is going to take care of this, we're going to get through this and and mommy's I love you, sorry.
Speaker 2:I love that you did that. So powerful that you did that, because I think that teaches vulnerability. So bravo to your brother, nice job.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thank you. I sometimes I can. I can I make the right, I make the right choices. A lot of times I don't, I find, or I feel anyway, but you know, welcome to the club. Yeah, seriously, so you know, here we are, you know it's. It's it's several months later where I'm driving Allison to and from work. At this point she has to be there a little bit earlier. As a teacher it's more rigid schedule than than you know, than us recruiters. Right, so you can. You can actually also lucky and fortunate enough that that she hit her off, or my office happened to be right down the street from her school. So and this is about 15 miles from where we live, so it could have been 15 miles in the office direction it worked, it ended up working out, it drove her to and from school, and what other links of driving I couldn't do. We got either teacher that was nearby, that lived up near us, to do to sub in or even my parents would drive down and sub in for for those, some of those legs.
Speaker 1:And you know, very quickly, without even hesitating and thinking about it, and unknowingly and unexpectedly, our lives changed from that point forward. You know, we, this is how we live at this point, we, we, you know. So since then she's not been able to make it to six months without having seizures and in, in, in. Actually, in a lot of cases they've gotten more frequent now, though a lot of them tend to be more focal based seizures where. So this is like all epilepsy talk, right, but there's different types of seizures and epilepsy, for all intents and purposes, is like, actually literally defined as a seizure disorder. I didn't know this but, like all human brains are pretty prone to having seizures because there's all this electrical wiring up there and you know, essentially epilepsy is like a spike in, in, in, in that that brain wave that is is uncontrolled and where, whereas you know someone who doesn't have a seizure disorder.
Speaker 1:You know, their brain waves are a little bit more pep in a nice consistent pattern. So they don't have those the spikes.
Speaker 3:So you know, we so several months later we're going through tests.
Speaker 1:Still she's battling through seizures or we're dealing with it and confronting.
Speaker 1:But you know, two little kids and you know, getting through her dress over school year was tough. You know, now, fast forward to today, I mean, you know the kids are, are it's interesting to watch, right, because our lives got turned upside down overnight. You know, we didn't anticipate that happening, we didn't expect it. We, you know, we, we took a lot of things, I think, prior that for granted. You know, now, for all its purposes, we are a like one, you know, one car, one driver household. You know I am in some cases. You know I'm a, I'm a loving husband, I'm a caring best friend, but I'm also too much. You know it's Alison, but I'm also a caretaker. You know, and I'm constantly shifting gears about. You know, our relationship has these different levels to it, like that, you know that that again, same thing. You don't expect. You know that, as a dad, it's the same thing. I mean, you know, I've watched over the years as we've battled this, this, this disease, that unfortunately for us and for Alison it's not controlled yet. So we, we, you know she's, she's on three different medicines and that combination plus some other stuff. It's still not fully, fully managing her seizures. So we, you know she still can't drive, she still can't do some of those kind of common things. So she hasn't actually been able to work for the last, you know, after we finished at that school, you know, she, we kind of called the quits for a little out to see what would happen and just give her a break and let let this, you know, hopefully, hopefully, the medicine start to treat it. And it hasn't worked. So we, she's been out, she's been out of that, you know. But with the kids, I mean, you know, it's it's it's interesting to watch it, because Will was so young, you know, Will was was three and a half and three and a half almost four, when this happened is, you know, a month away from four, and Kaylee was about five and and you know, and, and he was playing, busy playing toys when this happened that first night, kind of, you know, unaware of what was going on. And Kaylee was very aware, you know, and you'd see the difference in the kids age and I now I don't see it as much because they're, you know, they're eight and 10 and they're they're one return, they're aware and they've since then they've helped out.
Speaker 1:I mean, what's crazy casey, to think about this like again, like it's one of those things you just you take for granted. Like I look back on as we were talking earlier, like about you know how I grew up. I took for granted that I had two healthy parents that could drive everywhere and be there for us in every, every way. And you know, allison has a seizure, she's out of commission for sometimes two, three hours and then, you know, depending on what I had to do to get her back, she, she might be in bed for the rest of the night and day and it's she's just totally out of commission.
Speaker 1:And the medicines that she's on impact, the way she thinks they, she can't talk clearly, she can't recall words. So having a normal conversation, like you and I are doing, is it's a very, it's very difficult for her like almost insurmountable and in in on a daily basis. I mean, and people don't realize that they don't really fully, they've never gone through this course but they don't really fully understand or take the time to understand what epilepsy is and how the drugs that you're taking to manage it actually impact your life. And she has, she hasn't, she hasn't. You know her social life is, you know that side of things has been. You know it's like climbing Mount Everest on a regular basis and but the kids you know.
Speaker 3:So what's interesting is like the kids right.
Speaker 1:So you, you know you look back and see kind of over the over these last few years, how that has changed them and how that you know, and, and you know, and I, and I hate because most of the time, throughout this period, you know, this period of my, of our life, I've tended to err on a lot of times coming up and I'm not wired like this, I'm. I'm like a positive, energetic, go, go, get our type guy right, just naturally wire. You know that's the way I'm wired. But I've tended to come up on a negative side of things a lot of times, you know, thinking negatively about life and things and finding myself having to deal with that whole aspect of life now that I didn't. I never had that, you know, I never used to think that way.
Speaker 1:But as a dad, and you know, and and and, husband and and you know, and someone who's maintaining the job, you know, job and daily basis, it's you. It's the stress and the time that it takes to kind of, to kind of maneuver through life on a regular basis. Getting over these hurdles, you know, with with trying to keep a semblance of normalcy around the house, has been really difficult, so that negative does creep in a little bit. But you know, with the kids, like I I I'll never forget so a couple years ago. So Will's teacher, you know he was having a hard time on the home front behaviorally. So, will's teacher, you know we're, and I'm thinking the worst, like oh, he's going to end up, you know, because he's, he's mad at the world and he sees his mom go through this and he's having a hard time with it. And I'm always like tying the you know, trying to create these false connections or things like thinker connections, right, and you know I get this call from the teacher, his teacher at the time, and this is first grade, and she goes, you know, just want to. I had to call you. I could have said to the email I had to call you.
Speaker 1:So I it's embarrassing to say, but this morning I fell off the stool. I was sitting on on at the front of the classroom and, you know, classroom of, you know, 18, 20 kids, whatever it might be, and every single one of them was kind of like chuckling or laughing, and Will was the only one that asked me how, if I was. Okay, you know, and I, I, I was like blown away by this right and and, because it's happened a several times since to for both Kaylee and Will, similar type stories where like wow, like okay, so I'm going to connect that dot because I can't help, like if every other kid is doing that and he's the only one. After watching this person fall and potentially get hurt, after seeing his mom fall and get hurt, seriously hurt I mean they've seen, they've seen now some fall and get, you know, seriously badly hurt with seizures and stuff, and you know, and helping out and now wanting to help, right it's. I can't help but think that these my two are like. They have this, this incredibly elevated empathy.
Speaker 2:I was just gonna say empathy, yeah, right, like I mean.
Speaker 1:I, yeah, I mean I, that's the only other word I can think of right that would describe that. But you know that that compared to like me, growing up like I would, I didn't you know I that wouldn't have been.
Speaker 1:I probably would have been chuckling like all the other kids, right, I mean it just it was, it would have been a normal reaction. Now, obviously she didn't get hurt, so it was a chuckle type situation. But Will was like serious and asking her. And is one other one I'll share with you, which you know it's, it's Kate, you know, because it's another, it's another quality that I've seen the kids like grow into.
Speaker 1:Now, again, unexpectedly, not because I've instilled it with them, but you know in them, but because of what this. You know the situation that we're going through and living. So so, so, so, allison, you're all home all night trying to get dinner on the table and you know Allison's standing at the counter at the island at the counter and she in the kitchen and she, she falls and she starts going into seizure. She hits her chin on the counter, cuts that open, then falls backwards and smashes her head and splits her head open. So you know, I didn't, I had no idea, you know that it was bleeding and I had some pick her, pick her head up and helping her through her seizure and you know my hands covered in blood. So so, so. So Kaylee gets up from the table.
Speaker 1:Now Will's still a little scared of this stuff, right. So kind of will what Kaylee made sure will went to the other room and just hung out and tried to calm himself down and she was running back and forth. But she runs back into the kitchen and I'm trying to help Allison out by myself on, you know, kneeling on the ground. She's her, her head's in my lap and you know, and pick my hand up, she's like my hand's all covered in blood. So Kaylee goes, kaylee comes running back. Hey, dad, can I help? Can I help with something? I'm sure she you know. So now she's like full blown helping, like no, no, no, not not prompted, like not expected for my side of things, but just like hands on, hey, I want something's going on. She hits, you know, sit sitting, the fan I got to have. I want to set up in and help, and I've seen it again like this I can sit here and give you a bunch of these types of examples.
Speaker 1:but like as a dad, like sometimes, like the things that you know to your question earlier, like I've tried to instill value wise into the kids Isn't always getting there the way I want it to get there.
Speaker 2:You're showing.
Speaker 1:But right, but then I, but then I look back and reflect on some of this stuff, even just now, as I'm talking about this with you.
Speaker 1:like you know, it's a quail, like okay, like I guess me just being there, right, like you know, and and, like you know, like I was, you know, just just being there and really business, and similar to the way I watch my dad do things on a regular basis, like those types of qualities and values that got instilled in me and now they're getting those different types of qualities and values, of course, are being, for different reasons, are being instilled in in Kaelian will.
Speaker 1:It just makes me such a proud dad to like. You know, because, like I feel like these days, with everything going on on the home front, like I, I, it's, it's a, I feel like I can not keep my head above water on a daily basis and that I'm not. You know, there's multiple times where I think, geez, I failed as a dad, why did I say that? Why did I say it that way? Why didn't I do this and you know, and then I think to some of these things and I'm like, geez, like I, I'm, I'm, I'm doing okay, like I'm, I'm there and I'm present, I'm, I guess I'm doing okay, right, like at the very, very minimal.
Speaker 2:I think I've heard dads even like relate to business and sometimes just showing up is doing great being there. I think this is a Tom. You know Joe Montana, I think it's a Joe Montana quote. He said do you want to be the best or do you want to be your best?
Speaker 1:I think you're right. I think that is a con yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's like it's a simple answer. It's be your best. That's all you can do.
Speaker 2:And you can control you know, and man, I, I, I was immediately inspired when we, when we, reconnected on your positivity. I felt it through our conversation. I feel it now. I I hope that there's a dad listening that's going through the same thing, or a mom or someone that is inspired by your vulnerability, the way you're tackling this thing. And I also, I think I don't I can't remember if I share this when we spoke, but I saw my son at nine have a ground wall.
Speaker 2:You did, oh my God, it freaked me out. I still mean I thank God we he only had two and they stopped and we don't know why. We think they thought it was maybe a virus linked to like a something in the stomach. But I mean I saw him throw up shit himself, piss himself uncontrollably, and I was like, oh my God, and I was by myself and I sometime I'm the will ferrell, like we got to keep our composure. You know, you know, and my wife is usually the calm one and, thank God, universe, whatever. I was so calm. I was like he's having a seizure. I walked to the to the phone my son's having a seizure, I'm not sure what to do. He's unconscious. Please get as soon as you can. I was so calm Maybe it's the uncle Rico moment here playing quarterback when things got tense. I had to be calm. Never happened again.
Speaker 2:We had all the you know the wires in the head and doing the brain scan and one of the funniest, cutest moments I'm staying in the hospital with him and my wife's. Like you should, you should go home and get some sleep. I'm like I'm not leaving. And I called my boss I'm Andronica and I said I'm sorry I'm not going to work. For two days my son had a seizure on with house happening. He's like dad. This is kind of embarrassing. I look like Rapunzel, cause he had all the wires off his head, you know. And and then my wife saw the next one three months later, but he hasn't had him since.
Speaker 1:Well, thankfully you guys are both there when it happened, because it's you know what's crazy is like. I do think back to, like geez, like you know, there must be some sort of divine intervention, whatever. That is right, because I mean Allison's had a lot of seizures right Over the last four and a half years and and she has gotten pretty seriously hurt. But like even to the first, even the first one, we like almost always I've been there, I've been either in the house or nearby. You know that, that that I can, I can, you know, we can, we can get to her because it's you, you, you know. I mean there's been some scary moments, for sure, but there's been a lot of times where I think, geez, that must have been divine intervention. That I'm sitting here with her head on my lap right now on the kitchen floor, yeah, I mean, this could have been a lot worse, you know. And, and how do you?
Speaker 2:how do you deal with the anxiety of when the next one going to happen? As a dad, I don't.
Speaker 1:I don't know if I'm, I don't know if I can use the word.
Speaker 1:Deal with it because I I embrace that Right, like to me, that implies like, oh, you've got this under control, but like I, I don't. I mean, I, that's an awesome question. I'm still, you know, as an individual, trying to work towards that, like it's. It's a sense of anxiety that I've never, you know, I never really had. I never, I never was an anxious person. You know, growing up and lots of energy, you know, it's lots, lots, lots of that stuff, but never, never, anxious.
Speaker 1:And so I have had to do different things, different things that I, I, you know, seeking outside help and you know, so I one of the things I, I did a couple of years ago with the, with several prompts from good people, you know that, that, that I would consider both mentors and colleagues and things like that in my life, to say, hey, you know, go, go, you gotta you find someone to talk to that isn't one of us or that isn't you know someone, you know that you're already close to that. Can you know that maybe you know you'd be able to, to, to, to get tools and tips and tricks, yeah, so I actually got really lucky and I'll share this, you know, share the story with you for a second, because it's it's worth it. I mean I got really lucky, I, I, I immediately thought and speaking again of being vulnerable, like I don't share this with a lot of people, right, but like I immediately got like anxious about that too, why?
Speaker 3:don't you just see anybody? What does that mean? And my, you know, my, my, my family is a person, now too.
Speaker 1:And you know how do I? You know, I can deal with. Sure, I was always that like oh, I'm a tough dad, I'm a tough guy, I can deal with this head on. You know, that's what I do, that's what we do. Pump my chest right, it's like one of those things like where, like no, that doesn't in this type of thing, it doesn't work.
Speaker 1:You, you have to get this out of it, because I did find myself, like you know, over the course of the last four and a half years, and certainly prior to, like you know, giving myself tips and tricks by talking to someone.
Speaker 1:You know, I had some of those debt, those those oh shit, shouldn't have said that moments, or oh shit, shouldn't have dealt with that this way, moments when the kids are acting up or you know, but, but then I'm like she's thinking like, oh man, my fuse is a lot shorter these days, you know, and and even with like work, like things like it's, you know, speaking, go back to business, stuff like it trickles into work, not, you know, not yelling at people, but it's, it's, it's like, you know, the way sometimes that I'm present, you know, in my work I wish I could be more present. You know, and over the last several years, as I've dealt with this and you know all of this part of my life, you know my, my, I've had to sort of admit, and it's been a hard thing to admit to my partners.
Speaker 1:You know, I'm part of this firm and you know, and I've got four other partners amongst you know about 15 or so other colleagues, and it's, you know, and it was hard to sit down the table with my partners and say, hey guys, you know, I, after a couple years of trying to deal with it on my own, like I'm coming up short, you know, and I know that some of the parts of my life are not. I wish I could put more time into it, you know like, but it's, it's freaking hard. I mean, I don't know how it's it's, I don't know how, like, single parents do it. I don't know how.
Speaker 1:You know people, you know, as as the single parent, maybe potentially with even a disability or or having, you know, more than just two kids. I mean I I feel lucky to have two kids, but Jesus, how do people do that have three or four? Even with healthy parents? You know, and I, you know, manage that that is balanced work, balanced dadhood, you know balanced, you know fatherhood and being a husband and son and friend and whatever else, like I mean that is stuff, casey, I still, I still seek things like the quarterback dad, cat, like, like this type of stuff to sort of say like Jesus, like there's other dads out there even get, you know, getting together with other dads, like you talk about the sports, you talk about the game, you talk about this, you're talking about those things and not, you know, these things, these, these, these real things.
Speaker 2:So are there? Are there groups online that we can mention, or are there associations around epilepsy, that that you found success and that maybe we can share with other dads, or I can tag them in the show notes this episode that we might want to help people?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean for sure. And so the big one is the epilepsy foundation and it's an. It is a nationwide foundation but locally. You know what has served us is trying to stay as connected as we can and it's it doesn't work out all the time with the New England epilepsy foundation and you know they're they're it's a good group. They have a lot of different avenues that you can that you can take. There's, there's events that they're doing you know pretty regular basis, whether it be like a walk or you know some sort of drive or dinner or things like that. But then you know from, you know out of the tool bag, like there's there's almost weekly calls that you could participate in, zoom calls, things like that, whether you are the patient or potentially even you know the person taking care, you know the caretaker right, and I have found that they're, they're, they're what you make out of them and you know, like, like everything else, like this they're, they're.
Speaker 1:You kind of can't go in thinking this, this foundation or this organization or these people are going to solve my you know, my problems, you know, and so now you know, allison and I go into some of these calls and we think, okay, this is going to be just an outlet for us to, you know, for us to hear that other people are going through something similar. Maybe you do hear about something neat. Yeah, maybe you do hear about something different, that that that's being done somewhere else.
Speaker 3:So those are good.
Speaker 1:Those are two of the ones that I've, that we've, we've dealt into.
Speaker 2:Awesome. Well, I'll make sure those are tagged in the show notes. I could talk to you for hours but I want to be sense of your time as you think about like kind of wrapping everything up and dads at home. You know as we can summarize kind of everything we've talked about, nick of, maybe in in two or three like actionable items or ways that you know we, you know that they can take what we've talked about today to become that, that ultimate quarterback leader of their house to maybe own maybe a gap they have, because we all have them, mine's patients. I struggle that all the time. I have to be very present about it. But, like, tell me what would be two or three you know thoughts or or characteristics that we can help dads at home be thinking about to become that ultimate, better quarterback leader or leader of their home.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, it's such a, you know it's an easy one, I think, for me because of sort of what I was just talking to you about. You know, like I think, like initially or prior to going through this part of my life, like I would have said to you, you know, quarterback debt, like you know it's got to be, that showcase guy is doing everything right. You know, always dressed nice, always. You know driving the shiny car and you know saying the nice. You know saying, you know getting all the laughs at the family parties and things like that.
Speaker 1:But you know, I, I, I know better now.
Speaker 1:You know, and it's just what we talked about earlier, it's like it's being present, it's being.
Speaker 1:You know, being present doesn't matter if, if you know people, you know shit's in the fan or or or or if it's negative, it's just. You know, I know how much it means to just be there now for the kids and for you know, for you know, for my wife. And and being hands on, you know, I think like being being hands on isn't necessarily something that, that, that, that that everybody does, you know, and yes, it doesn't necessarily mean you, you know you have to repair everything in your house, but like it's just being hands on with the kids, like taking part in everything that they do, and when you say being present and being, you know participating in things that they're doing, like it's it's looking them in the eye for you know, for for a little bit and actually spending time with them and their thoughts and their concerns and what they're into. Not like, you know and I struggle with this sometimes still but like looking at my phone and then looking at, looking at, you know, them and then looking at my phone and then looking at them and going to do something else, and, you know, 15 minutes later they've told me this whole story and and I've kind of half listened, and so I found that that's like a big thing and I I push myself to try to do that over and over again every day to to you know, because I think some of those simple but basic things are some of the things that are, you know, the biggest impact.
Speaker 2:I'm going to add one for you Give yourself grace. Give yourself grace, man. I think we're all doing our best as dads. You got a little bit more turbulence right now and I pray that you guys will get through this and hopefully Allison will find the right medicine to kind of make these seizures far and few between and go away eventually. And I know there's a lot of families dealing with a lot of tough stuff out there. There's going to be an episode soon Me and my friend I met. My wife went through something called a vaccine injury. Didn't even know that something existed. I've never heard that in my entire life, so maybe we'll leave that as a tease. But my wife's gone through a really, really tough two and a half years.
Speaker 1:But is it COVID related? Is it yeah?
Speaker 2:Wow, five days after her first shot, life's not been the same, oh my gosh really. Multiple ER trips. My first business trip I left I'd leave early because she was, we thought, having a seizure. Her legs were uncontrollable at the computer. Her fingers went almost like imagine, like you know, almost like you're making a fist but you can't make a fist.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Almost blacked out. I mean, heart rate went from she's standing, she's sitting down. She gets up from 80 to 130, like that. Wow, the day my dad died December 29, 2021, we came home. We're at the house for 15 minutes. 30 minutes later, we're in the ER with her for seven hours. You're kidding? No, I wish so. We, yeah, no, but it's like you know what, we're doing our best. And so, like I'm grateful for the fact that I work from home, I'm grateful for the fact that me and the kids, hey, it's our turn to step up and, yeah, this sucks, but I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. We're going to.
Speaker 2:You know, it made me realize how many things my wife did. That, holy shit. There isn't a magic carpet, the magic table that just makes dishes just magical. There wasn't a magic dishwasher that just magically unloaded itself. There was a magic washer and dryer that just magically did laundry, elvis. And so you know it's our time now to step up, and it's been hard, without a doubt. Nothing, probably at anything, what you've gone through, but, um, grace is something I just continue to say that we both got to give ourselves and dad's a home. If you're struggling, give yourself grace and just keep showing up. Um, I want to give. Before we wrap up here, I want to give you a little bit of a little bit of a word about it. I want to give Fenway partners some love. Tell us about Fenway partners, tell us about what you do, tell us, and I want to make sure people can reach out to you to learn more about the great work that you and your team do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thanks and thanks for that. That moment of grace, I mean that's, that's a, that is cool and I don't think you don't think you don't think about things that way.
Speaker 1:Um, you know a lot of times you don't have the time to do it or you know, you think you don't have the time to do it, but I will do that, I'll walk away and do that. Um, no, yes, about 20 years now, believe it or not. The two guys that founded them well, the predecessor to K-Force they're a Romek guys back in the day and they they're public accountants. They broke off and kind of focused on search for traditional head-oning search for senior level counting and management counting and CFO level accounting and finance and the greater Boston area. They started their own firm. Of course Fenway was a great name because they didn't want to name it after the park or anything like that. But they just they sort of said look at, like that's an identifiable name, let's do it.
Speaker 1:And we do business primarily in this area, although the last several years since COVID that's been different. We've been able to kind of spread out and sprawl a little bit and utilize our services across the country. So it's been fun to see that. You know we do. We are a full service firm, you know. So we do placements for on an interim basis or consulting and temporary basis and we do, of course, the traditional search, you know, search placement. For the most part it's very traditional accounting and finance stuff we do mostly contingent placements.
Speaker 1:but we do do sort of these kind of hybrid retain type searches that work pretty well. You know I, for the last six, seven years I've focused most of my time on building up the consulting side of our business, which is that sort of, you know, the interim placement, interim management and then also consulting you know consulting services side that complements the finance and accounting search side of what we do Places CFO and help him or her out down the line when they need to implement the new software or look at budgets for next year, look at accounting and, you know, counting pronouncements, things like that.
Speaker 2:So that's us in a nutshell.
Speaker 1:I'm speaking of being hands on, I mean, you know, the other interesting thing that we've done that I just love and you'll appreciate this, I know this is who you are as a person too is you know we look to relationships first Like this is you know we're not, we are not a volume shop, we're not. You know we're not looking at things from how can we make, you know, put money in our shareholders' pockets?
Speaker 1:This is a traditional hands on, hands shake, good relationship, trust built up over many years type of business that's where we are and you know, that and that stuff, even though we, you know, we started to kind of think how can we evolve a little bit more and stuff and incorporate, you know, new technology, new tools, new things along that line, that the other part of us is never gonna go away, we're just gonna. We're gonna always be at that old school and that's just. That's just a brand, so it's been a fun part.
Speaker 1:You know fun to be a part of a smaller but, I think, arguably more impactful organization, especially now since I've been going through this for the last three or four years and you know, at least on our family perspective, to be a part of it. Because you know again like it's like I'm not, you know I'm not being hounded by my partners every day to get in the office and, and you know, do a bunch of activity. It's oh, nick, no, nevermind, go take care of that. That's first, you know, and that's how we treat, treat the business that we do as well, just from our clients and people, that we work with consultants and things like that. So thanks for asking.
Speaker 2:You bet man, that's powerful stuff and I love it. I love that shout out to Fenway for doing the right thing, for embracing relationship building, because that's the one thing I love about. You know, chat, gpt you're never gonna replace the feeling that a human can give someone AI. You're never gonna replace the feeling that a human can give another human. So I'm not scared of it, I embrace it, but I try to use it when I can Right. The power of listening will never get replaced by technology, the gift of human listening. So I love that. You said that.
Speaker 2:Okay, it's now time, as we wrap up, to go into what I call a lightning round. When I go completely random on you, I show you the effects of taking too many football hits in college. I definitely have a screw loose. Your job is to answer these as quickly as you can. My job is to try to get a giggle out of you. Are you ready, nicholas? I am ready. Okay, true or false? You're a Jerry Seinfelds twin False. I've been like God. What are I looking at? You look like Seinfeld. I get a giggle. I went out of the gate. Okay, but it is one of my favorite shows, so no, why wouldn't it be?
Speaker 2:I mean, come on, it's fantastic. Okay, tell me the last book you read.
Speaker 1:So I recently read the Good Neighbor. It's the Fred Rogers book.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Mr Rogers.
Speaker 2:There we go Da da da da, da, da, da da da da. Okay, tell me the last song you listened to on your phone that your kids would be like dad what you listened to, that.
Speaker 1:Number 34, Dave Matthews' band song. That's the era I grew up in, so going back to some of the old school stuff from college and high school and of course with the Dave Matthews songs it's like 10 minute intros and stuff and the kids are in the backseat rolling their eyes.
Speaker 2:What are we listening?
Speaker 1:to here.
Speaker 2:Shout out to Kelly Hansen. He's a former, he's now. He's still at K-Force. He was like the most die-hard Matthews guy. He would go to the Gorge, which is a big concert area in the state I mean Eastern Washington. He'd go to Matthews every summer. Yeah, if I was to come to your house tonight, I know what the answer. But I'm asking tell me what you would make me for dinner.
Speaker 1:I'd go old school to the Naukis and you'd have to get in there hands on. It's neat. Roll them out. You ever do from scratch sauce from scratch Naukis, and keep it simple.
Speaker 2:I'm bringing my daughter because she is hands on. She loves the food channel. Actually, when I was gone this week in San Diego, her and like four of her, five of her really good girlfriends, they did a like a food spread, like an appetizer party, nice, and it was like the most I'll text you a picture, but it was the most legit, like, oh my God, you girls are so cute. It was awesome and they really enjoyed it. True or false? You once beat Tom Brady in a race, false. Okay, let's hope for a miracle. If you were to go on vacation right now, tell me where you and Allison would go.
Speaker 1:So if it were up to Allison, we'd go down to like Hilton Head and sit in the beach, that somewhere in that general area, kew Island, those types of places, low key, calm, nice, warm water. If it were up to me right now, I would go to Europe. I'm like Johnson for a good Europe trip. I went a lot when I was I should say a lot. I've been a few times when I was younger and kidless right, and I'm just, I'm just to get over there and take part in the culture again, eat some also good homemade pastas and things like that. So I'd probably specifically pick Italy.
Speaker 2:Oh, I've been to Venice. This is amazing Venice is a great place. If I was to go to Europe right now, I'd go to Rexham. Oh yeah, cool, the soccer town anything.
Speaker 3:Yeah, for sure, I love that show it's so good.
Speaker 2:Okay, if there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title.
Speaker 1:Oh man, helpless, helpless, energetic, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I don't know, that's a hard one man.
Speaker 1:That's a hard one I actually like it Helpless, energetic.
Speaker 2:Okay, now, nicholas, helpless energetic, believe it or not, is. I mean, no one can keep the book in stores, it's just going out, it's everyone's reading it. And now Spielberg everybody in Hollywood's fighting for this one and they want to make a movie out of it. And then Hulu, netflix, they're arguing about it. No one can figure it out. Finally, someone lands it. And now you're the casting director and I need to know who is going to star Nick in this critically acclaimed new hot movie. Starring you? Oh man, can't say. We can't say Seinfeld, because I already gave it away.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that would. Yeah, gosh, I don't know, matt Damon.
Speaker 2:There we go. He's a Boston guy, he's a Boston guy, matty B. Okay, and the last question Lighting Round. Tell me two words to describe Allison.
Speaker 1:Perseverant and loving. I mean just absolutely loving. Obviously, there's a lot of words, a lot more words coming to mind. Thinking about it and thinking about it. Hard question. Yeah, that's hard.
Speaker 2:It's hard on purpose because it makes us think, and when I think, when we think, that's when we really try to get connection. So, lighting Round's over, we both giggled. We'll call it a tie. I wanna thank you so much for spending time with me, for opening up, for sharing such powerful personal story, because I do believe that this episode will impact many. I hope that there are other dads out there that realize you're not alone. If people have been inspired and they wanna connect with you maybe there's a dad that's oh my God, I'm going through this and if you're open to connecting, tell me the best way people can connect you, whether it's about epilepsy or even Fenway search.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so LinkedIn is always a good one. You know, on LinkedIn I'm just Nick Brown and I guess should I give my email address that type of thing. Is that what you're looking for?
Speaker 2:Maybe we'll just have them connect on LinkedIn.
Speaker 1:LinkedIn seems to be the most reasonable. Yeah.
Speaker 2:LinkedIn and then you can take it from there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I just gotta thank you for having me for sure. I mean that was fantastic. I was shocked to hear that you wanted to hear the story, but now I kinda understand why after talking through with you. But thank you for doing what you've been doing.
Speaker 1:I've been a fan of yours for years and going back to the old K-Force days. We never worked super close together because you're on the West Coast. I was on the East Coast but I knew kinda how you approached the business and why you approached it and the impact that you had, and that was something I've always taken. I've always taken and tried to emulate wherever I've gone. But this is so cool and I love that you've created this platform to have these conversations because, like we were talking earlier, I mean you'd ask me about how I'm getting over it and how I'm getting through it and the anxiety and stuff and simple is listening to your podcast like listen to these things, hearing all the dad stories and hearing. And man, you're funny. I love talking to you. You're a great guy, I appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Thanks for doing what you do. When I left K-Force in March of 2019, people thought I was nuts. I walked away from a lot, but if you had told me what I was doing now, I would have said no how? But shout out Ty Nunez, my receiver in college, who helped me get this thing off the ground. This is what I was meant to do.
Speaker 2:I don't know where this podcast is going. I didn't plan to be a business coach, but I love coaching. I love helping people. I love because the stuff I teach people is not I'm not making it up, I'm doing what you do. We're talking, we're being vulnerable, sharing where my gaps are and things I teach people in business. It's not like I'm hey, try this, give it a. It's like here, you can do this, here's how I failed when I did that, or you can try this when I did it and I was successful. So you picked the avenue you want to go down, and I think a lot of the things that this podcast allows me to do is really improve my curiosity, which is one of my superpowers. The other two things I love to see in leaders and sales teams or people in life is humility and vulnerability. I think those are just so attractive skills that just allow our the best version of us to show up. So I'm grateful you said that, man. I appreciate it. I want to thank you.
Speaker 2:I want to thank Latitude Sitka for your continued support. If you ever want to go to Sitka, I would encourage to check my boy Asam out. Latitude Sitka is, or Latitude 57. They have this amazing island. I went in June, blew me away. I've never seen so many eagles my entire life, I've never seen the sun come up so early, I've never seen the sun go down so late and I've never landed on a more smaller runway. You made it, thankfully, but it was so fun. So if you ever thinking about going to ask anybody and you want to like take your team, you want to? Well, it's a 40 birthday party, a corporate retreat, a big yoga event. Whatever you want to do, give them a chance. I'll be tagged in the show notes. But, nick, again, thank you so much for spending time with me today. It's been an honor learning more about you and I know hopefully this is not the last. We will be talking soon, my man.
Speaker 1:That sounds great Cool.
