The Quarterback DadCast
From Bartending Lessons to a breakthrough in Autism as a father with Neil Rogers
As the sun sets on another day, I reflect on the fatherhood journey — it's more than just a title. It's an adventure that constantly evolves. A HUGE shoutout goes to Chris Martin for introducing us to our next guest, Neil Rogers.
Our latest episode features Neil, a seasoned author, and sales and marketing expert, who brings his unique perspective on life, lessons from bartending days, and the intricate dance of parenting a son with autism. Neil's stories vividly depict the joys and challenges threaded through the fabric of a father's life. Neil's debut book, "Bar Tips," is about everything he learned behind the bar, which he has applied to areas of his life for success.
Strap in for a heartfelt trek through the realities of raising kids who continually surprise us — from his daughter's leap from tennis to field hockey to Neil's son's astounding comprehension and communication breakthroughs. We discuss the necessity of age-appropriate learning and the importance of assuming competence in our children, leading to revelations of intelligence that leave us in awe. We learned about his son's passion for broadcasting, and the deepened sibling connection offers a glimpse into the transformative power of patience and understanding in our roles as dads.
Our conversation ventures beyond the home front, identifying parallels in teamwork and grace between business and family life. Neil and I tackle the significance of humility, the art of celebrating small victories, and the delicate balance of leading without pressure.
This episode is an open invitation for all fathers seeking to nurture a spirit of self-improvement, embrace the beauty of being present, and champion growth within themselves and their households. Join us as we not only share our stories but also extend a hand to fellow dads, encouraging the spread of positive leadership and the building of communities that support one another on this incredible voyage called fatherhood.
Our sea adventures cover fishing, wildlife tours, beach excursions, scuba diving, snorkeling, paddle
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
Please don't forget to leave us a review wherever you consume your podcasts! Please help us get more dads to listen weekly and become the ultimate leader of their homes!
As the sun sets on another day, I reflect on the fatherhood journey — it's more than just a title. It's an adventure that constantly evolves. A HUGE shoutout goes to Chris Martin for introducing us to our next guest, Neil Rogers.
Our latest episode features Neil, a seasoned author, and sales and marketing expert, who brings his unique perspective on life, lessons from bartending days, and the intricate dance of parenting a son with autism. Neil's stories vividly depict the joys and challenges threaded through the fabric of a father's life. Neil's debut book, "Bar Tips," is about everything he learned behind the bar, which he has applied to areas of his life for success.
Strap in for a heartfelt trek through the realities of raising kids who continually surprise us — from his daughter's leap from tennis to field hockey to Neil's son's astounding comprehension and communication breakthroughs. We discuss the necessity of age-appropriate learning and the importance of assuming competence in our children, leading to revelations of intelligence that leave us in awe. We learned about his son's passion for broadcasting, and the deepened sibling connection offers a glimpse into the transformative power of patience and understanding in our roles as dads.
Our conversation ventures beyond the home front, identifying parallels in teamwork and grace between business and family life. Neil and I tackle the significance of humility, the art of celebrating small victories, and the delicate balance of leading without pressure.
This episode is an open invitation for all fathers seeking to nurture a spirit of self-improvement, embrace the beauty of being present, and champion growth within themselves and their households. Join us as we not only share our stories but also extend a hand to fellow dads, encouraging the spread of positive leadership and the building of communities that support one another on this incredible voyage called fatherhood.
Our sea adventures cover fishing, wildlife tours, beach excursions, scuba diving, snorkeling, paddle
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
Please don't forget to leave us a review wherever you consume your podcasts! Please help us get more dads to listen weekly and become the ultimate leader of their homes!
Hi, I'm Riley and I'm Ryder, and this is my Dad's Show. Hey everybody, it's KCJ Cox with the quarterback Dadcast. I'm excited to announce we have a brand new sponsor joining the show, which is called LatitudeSitkacom, a Latitude 57. Now this company's mission is to provide an unparalleled Alaskan experience that will enable their customers to explore everything that the region has to offer. Additionally, they are dedicated to supporting and promoting the local community, the culture, as well as protecting and preserving the natural beauty that the resources of the region have to offer us. So I'm going there in June. I can't wait.
Speaker 1:And whether you're looking to find a wellness retreat, if you're looking for a place to take your favorite customer, if you're looking for a way to maybe take your leadership team, check out LatitudeSitkacom, because they will give you some amazing sea exploration, from fishing to commercial fishing, wildlife tours, beach excursions, scuba diving, snorkeling, even paddle boarding. If none of those sound interesting to you, well then, go. Stay on land and go ITVing, hiking, hot springs, yoga, take a massage in. The team has over 20 years of local knowledge to serve you, and they also will be able to cook amazing meals while you are there staying in their facility. So go to LatitudeSitkacom now and book that next wellness retreat. You won't regret it. The majestic views will blow you away and, as I mentioned, I cannot wait to get there in June.
Speaker 1:So with that, let's welcome LatitudeSitka to the podcast and get right to today's episode. Well, hey everybody, it's KC Jcox with the quarterback dadcast. We are in season five and that sounds fantastic. That means we've been doing this for our fifth year. And if you had told me that when my buddy and college teammate Tinyness that we're going to start this podcast and then 230 something dads later, we'd still be doing this thing, I'd be like, wow, how are we going to do that?
Speaker 1:But here we are and our next guest. His name is Neil Rogers. He comes to us from the talented former guest, chris Martin from Worldwide Technology. Chris, thanks for making this venture happen. I always love supporting other authors. And our next guest, like I mentioned, neil is an author. He wrote a great book called Bar Tips. Everything he learned from behind the bar he's applied in the sales marketing world. He's been the vice president of sales marketing at Rogers Marketing. He spent time at Trolley's and Tia's we can hear about that. He's also a Salem State Viking. Many people might think he's the Tom Cruise of bartending in the Nashia area, but we'll let him agree or disagree to that. But more importantly, we're here to talk about Neil, to Neil about life as a dad, how he's working hard or continuing working hard to become that ultimate quarterback or leader of his household. So, without further ado, mr Rogers, welcome to the quarterback dadcast.
Speaker 2:Casey, this is awesome. Thanks for having me, friend, you bet.
Speaker 1:I always you know, sometimes these intros do we blush a little bit when you're like man, who is this guy he's talking about?
Speaker 2:Exactly? Who is this man? What are the words of Hogan's heroes? Who is this man?
Speaker 1:Boy, sometimes I'm maybe I'm jinxing myself. That was like first take and maybe because I've done so many of these, I've gotten to at least be okay doing the intros, but one of these days I'm going to have to like damn it. We got to start over, but we're not, because we've been intro to you well. So I always start each episode with gratitude for our guests. So tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
Speaker 2:But, dad, today, I'll tell you, was a fantastic call with my daughter, 34 year old daughter. My kids are all older dads out there, but 34, 32 and soon to be 30. And our 32 year old is a man with autism non speaking autism and my daughter, amanda, who's had a very successful early life, spent the last six weeks in Italy contemplating how she can support part of what she was doing. I hope she was having some fun, I'm sure she was, but part of what she was doing was talking, thinking about things and how she can, she can, support him going forward with all that's going on with him now and I said, honey, that is a great way for me to start this day, very grateful for that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. That's that's his mom and dad have done done something right when you're raising kids that that are that thoughtful and empathetic and loving, and that's that's. That's a good story, man. That hit me in the heart out of the gate. We are in November. Everybody, this episode will come out in January.
Speaker 1:I'm grateful today, this week, chris, we just I'm a Chris Neil we just spent time going through the college selection process. And my son this week, like Billy, two days ago, he actually last night, he actually committed on two days ago he did sign letter of intent. He's committed to play golf at a school called Southern Oregon University and so he's. It's been a dream of his to play and thankfully there's a school that's going to give him a chance to keep living that dream. And so I'm grateful for just the journey of going through that, the journey of having to, you know, learn how to talk to a college coach, learn how to manage the communication of social media and, you know, go through the ups and downs of like, hey, this school really likes you, this school, maybe you're kind of high on the list, low on the list and just to kind of go through that experience with him and at the same point you're just kind of reminding him like this is your journey, not mine, and that has zero eligibility left, and so let's make sure you really exactly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's great, so that's a great one. He's a he's in a sport that's right for life. I'll leave it when you're, when you're when you spoil you know, as a former college quarterback that ends. You can toss it around the backyard, but you're not going out with your buddies for you when you're in your fifties.
Speaker 1:No, that's a. I'm trying to avoid injuries at the stage of life, like my fitness goals. People think I'm joking. I'm kind of joking, but it's also serious. It's don't get fat, don't get hurt, and if I can achieve those goals, I'm winning.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's all I got babe, Yoga, weight training, cycling and I'm even starting to worry about being outside cycling. I want nothing to do with pickleball and lower leg injuries, Zero Yep. I ran into a buddy of mine the other day who runs a orthopedic center with a whole bunch of doctors. I said is this pickleball thing boon for you?
Speaker 1:He says oh yeah, oh yeah. I have friends like oh, you're not going to get hurt, BS, I'm going to blow a knee out. I'm going to blow on Achilles. I'm going to end up being a competitive guy. I'm going to probably lay out for a ball. I'm not, for. You know, I got a broken elbow. I'm like what am I doing Exactly? I've read this book before. I know exactly what this journey ends, how this movie ends, so I I, I got.
Speaker 2:I've got tight, tight gals and hands. So my new book, I'm going to do my commitment now on one of my health commitments and I do yoga and yeah, I do it for the more the mental health almost anything else it's got it is. It is a solid workout, but I'm a little more flexible than I was when I started this. So I got to do, I'm doing. I'm going to start doing that intentionally because the reason being is I've got the. I might not have the tightest hamstrings and calves, but they're dying close. I recently, in the last it's been about probably four months went into a light jog in the rain and popped a calf and I couldn't. I couldn't walk back up the hill. So I said that'll be enough of that, yeah, like I have.
Speaker 1:I'm comfortable now, neil, like walking, just going for 20 minute walk, 30 minute walk, 40 minute walk, and like, even like when I, if I do any running now, it's like a minute minute 30 for walking, a minute run, and I'm just like I don't I don't know tweet his own. I commend those dads out there that you can keep grinding and do those things, and how will you? For me, I want to be able to play golf and not get hurt. So, right, okay, I want to go inside the, the Rogers huddle you mentioned. You got three kids 34, 32 and almost 30, maybe talk a little bit about each child and what they're up to and then maybe, if you can, secondly, talk about how you and your wife met.
Speaker 2:So my oldest Amanda, I always tell people here's certain certain things I've never asked her, and one is have you done your homework? She was one of them. She did not get that from her dad I promise you dad's out there and she was a very, always a very good student. She would signs early on of being a decent athlete, worked and became a fantastic athlete, essentially because she not only she have, she has a natural ability, no question, but she outworked everybody. And so her freshman year in high school she played tennis on the high school tennis team. We had one combined high school at that point in our town which was about 1200 kids in it, 1100 kids, and they won the state championship. Oh, wow, right. So freshman year she saw. So she saw the last state championship combined team. Then in her she all the while she was playing.
Speaker 2:You know, her winter sport was basketball and then she played, started playing field hockey. In her sophomore year, the, and so we played, played, played on some travel teams and basketball. And one of the guys that coached her also was a lacrosse guy and he saw how she played basketball and he said she needs to play lacrosse. So her sophomore year in high school she picked up a lacrosse stick in the winter after we before basketball practice, because one of the girls that she played JV with she was she was a star on the. She was a couple years ahead of her. She was a star on the lacrosse. So she broke out the stick, showed her how to catch and throw.
Speaker 2:So Amanda goes out to, goes out to trial for the team. They say, okay, we're not looking at the skills, we're just looking for athleticism. She toasts everybody in the time mile on all the sprints. It winds up on JV, okay. And you know those slumpy shoulders when they come out of the practice and you know they got, they got. They didn't get what they wanted. And I'm looking at them and going, oh no, this isn't going to be good, but it couldn't have been better because she wanted playing every game all the time. So she was able to hone her skills.
Speaker 2:So a junior year, she, she came. I remember she came home giddy once Saturday after one Saturday practice and she's just excited beyond belief. And she go and I said, what's up? She goes, they just so. There's a new coach, by the way, and they were former players. They think I can play in college Now. We had never even considered this. We weren't those parents that basketball was more something that we thought she could do something with. But she was short. I mean, she was a hard worker, but okay, ball handling skills. She could shoot, but she was five, four, right. So anyways, well, okay, well, we gotta get you on some sort of program. So now I gotta find a program. So I found her a US lacrosse program. She barely played in a tournament but in her junior year we went to the semifinals in the state championship and the coach from Syracuse was in the stands. The next week she got a letter from Syracuse we wanna see you.
Speaker 2:So there's a girl who never picked up a stick until the sophomore year, her junior year. She's been recruited to a division one program. She wound up for a myriad of reasons. She got recruited to Boston College, boston University, I've got the rest of them, but she wound up picking Boston University and started from the day she got there until, sadly, in her senior year she got head injured, spent her senior year home, natural senior year home with us in post concussion syndrome. Oh, wow, she was hurt. I think if she was hit with the stick on October 4th she drove again in July. Wow yeah, so it was quite a soldier.
Speaker 2:But what is so impressive about her is she was struggling mightily and it was tough, and we sent her to Florida to be with her grandmother so it gets a month and whatnot because she couldn't go to school. She couldn't do it, she couldn't read, couldn't use her computer, no phone. But what got her through it? Well, one of the things that got her through it was she got into Eckhart Tolle's power of now so and she would listen to it because she couldn't read it and she learned essentially to live in the present. So she wasn't worried about the past, not concerned about the future, and she stayed present and that helped her mightily get through it. And so in the end she then left there.
Speaker 2:She went back to school, graduated with high honors I forget exactly the summa the magna, whatever the big one is. She got it and she was a school manager at Boston University. But the last thing she wants to do when she comes out of there after having this mindful experience is go to business. So she decides I'm going to be a healer. She started a blog. She was way ahead of people, way ahead, way out in front on this. She started a blog Clean Calm, conditioned, clean Lifestyle, calm, demeter, well Conditioned Body. Is it still out there, still blogged? No, no, it went out because she then moved on from that. She was doing some work with us in our marketing business and was heading towards you know she's breaky massage therapy, yoga, all those kind of mindful activities.
Speaker 2:She decided she needed an office space to put a table down. So she's at a police athletic league event I don't know if you have a police athletic league out there, but it supports kids around town and the police run it. It's a 501C3, and met a guy there and got the chatting with him and he says well, I've got some space in my office. You want to take a look at it? So she goes down, she goes into the office and she walks in and she sees this mantra above the door and it says have the courage to fail and the faith to succeed. And she goes.
Speaker 2:She felt like she almost immediately found a home. It's like wow. So that was right in step with where she was in her mind at that point. So he asked her what are you doing now? She says, well, I'm doing some marketing for my parents, which she was reluctantly doing this, I'm not gonna lie. And she, he says, well, do you want to do some marketing for me? So she wrote him a marketing plan and I say, you know, somewhere she's not doing more work for him, more work for him, more work for him, completely divorcing herself from the whole mindful behavior thing routine and starts working in what was then velocity performance and the Victory Academy. So a lot of it was about leadership training and the Victory Academy was where they went out to a lot of Division I, division II colleges and spoke and put programs together for the athletes, for leadership, for leadership.
Speaker 2:And then he was the guy who she was working for was really a high flyer in the turnaround business. You know a lot of stuff with private equity and so they go in, put him in. He'd turn the company around, sell it and all that. He'd come back to the area to take care of his ailing parents and his special needs sister. Well, he became the interim CEO for a company called Merchant Fleet which is a huge $600 million it's a time of $500 million a fleet leasing company, and they won him full time.
Speaker 2:So he was gonna, he was gonna have to give up his company and go. He says, sure, but I'm taking her with me and she, as he put it, she's your Tom Brady. There you go. So they brought him on. So she started out as a director, became a VP of marketing and innovation and resigned as the senior VP of marketing and innovation after she helped sell the company Wow. Hence she could spend six weeks in Italy so, and then be thinking about my son and how she was gonna help her brother. So that's a if you haven't. If that felt like I told that story before it's cause I have.
Speaker 1:There you go, tell me about your other two kids.
Speaker 2:So Craig is our man with autism and he is. He's an all star. He's a non-speaking autistic, which is about 30%, and he's done. He's been a beautiful, compliant young man into now a grown man with a beard and everything, cause it's easier than trying to shave. Trimming it is easier than trying to shave. He's got a tough beard. I'll cut right to the chase the most. I mean he's. We searched high and low, like all parents, all dads out there would, to find something that would ride his ship and really never found anything that certainly anything that was reversing any of the damage that had been done. For, however, it was done, and that's for other people to decide. I have my ideas, but the but about I wanna say. 18 months ago a woman I ride bikes with said to me you know she knows I had Craig and she's gonna nephew with autism. She's all excited, neil, if you read.
Speaker 2:Underestimated Neil. It's an autism miracle, okay.
Speaker 1:Underestimated. It says, I'm sorry, called Underestimated, underestimated Okay.
Speaker 2:I said, eliza, the last thing a man who has had a person, a young man that's 30, probably she was 30 at that time. So for 28 years trying to figure this thing out, and hundreds, if not millions, of dollars and disappointment. The last thing we wanna hear is this miracle, because all that indicates to us is is another expense, is another bad road, is another disappointment. I know that doesn't really speak to my positive nature that you read about, but in this case it just kind of is what it is.
Speaker 2:But I don't respect, for I bought the book, put the book on the coffee table, sat there, told my wife about it, felt the same way about the tagline. We've come to find out later that wasn't the guy who helped write the book. It was not his idea, it was the publisher's idea. Lori goes and she's got to. She's finding a new functional doctor, holistic doctor that will look naturally at things and do different tests than other doctors would do to help him heal and all that, and so we've used her before. She left the area and she came back and she works in a holistic the wellness center, if you will. So Lori's in there with the appointment. I wasn't there.
Speaker 2:What's the first thing out of Dr Heather's mouth? You've read underestimated, haven't you? Oh no, but I'm going to. So she banged it out in the next couple of nights because it's that easy to read. And if any of your dads out there have this issue, I'm just going to tell them one thing buy the book, don't read it in public, because I brought it to my favorite breakfast place down here in America's hometown and I said that was a bad idea. Nobody wants to see a 64 year old man cry.
Speaker 3:So what it is essentially is.
Speaker 2:It's a program that is called. It's. The book is about the journey of JB and Jamie Hanley going through this process of spelling to communicate, because what these guys have is a praxia, and a praxia is, you see it, in stroke victims, I believe, and that's where your front motor cortex is not firing, it's not sending the signals to your fine motor motor, your fine motor like your lips, your tongue, your fingers, for fine to write. It's very difficult for Craig to like your eyes tough tracking right, but you got gross motor skills. You can point. So what the program is and it'll have you work with stencil boards, with letters. You give them a poker and then you read them a lesson, age appropriate lesson. There's no more treating these kids like they're two years old. He is a 32 year old man. That is how we speak to him and we presume confidence. We know he knows right, we're. Before. Two years ago, you know, I just wanted him happy, healthy, safe environment. That's all I was shooting for. Now there's so much more because he's told us Wow. So the lessons will be age appropriate and I'll give the folks a little flavor. I read him a lesson three weeks ago on molecule excuse me, on cells. So in that is molecules, dna, right, that type of stuff. So and then what they'll do is you get the lesson and then they'll prescribe certain questions to ask Spell, this spelling is kind of a warm up, just get them poking and getting it getting going, and then ask them questions that are in the body of the lesson, right, so that and then then as you grow with him, as you get better at it, as you become, as he becomes comfortable with you, you can start asking him prior knowledge questions. Now, these are questions that are akin to what was in the lesson, but it wasn't in the lesson, right? So, as an example, the cells gig had DNA, just the acronym. So I've got this little coach, lovely woman, beth Fried. She kind of observes and then gives me pointers and I don't know if we're gonna. She's gonna be there forever for me, but she's great and so after I ask the questions that they prescribe, I'll go to her. Can I ask him? Go ahead, okay, craig, what is the acronym DNA stand for? Doesn't he spell it out? Dioxy Rhyblane and Eucliac Acid? I can't even say it, craig.
Speaker 2:Fast forward Couple of weeks reading another lesson. There's a picture of Alive there. I don't know why he was there was he had nothing to do with the? The didn't. I didn't notice any that he had anything to do with the lesson. Again, after the lesson, after asking the questions, I said can I have what do you think? Should I ask him? Go ahead, greg. Who's that in the picture Spells out Mohammed Ali. I have no idea now, what is the most? What's the most? What would you like to know? Next, casey, take a stab.
Speaker 1:Like what, what, what question would I ask the next? Yeah, that I mean. How did he, how did he know?
Speaker 2:I asked him what's his real name. Oh, there you go, caches play. Now, in terms of the how do you know the? The best one I'll give you is we were down there and this is I didn't know where Laurie was going with this. Lori's way more open with them than I am, although he's just again for the dads out there that are listening. When you wait 30 years To hear your son, or at least spell I love dad. So we. So we're downstairs and Lori asked them. I don't know why she asked him, but she did. What's your favorite language? He goes Spanish, always spells Spanish. So we asked them what is Moutros Gracious me? Thank you very much. How do you know that? I heard it. Where did you hear it? In the car? Whose car? Maryland's. Maryland was one of his providers that was bilingual and would listen to Spanish radio. The kid, the man, is brilliant. He might be my kids are all smart. I got that from that mother, but I'm telling you he might be the smartest one of the bunch, wow.
Speaker 1:I, I don't. I want to go deeper on Craig, but I want to give love to your almost 30 year old.
Speaker 2:And then I want to go back to this sure so cam is, he's one of us, right, he's a man, is to man, is man, is a very good speaker and and facilitator and gatherer of people, team builder. Cam is very much that. He is my alter ego. He, he set out. He's a kid that always knew what he wanted.
Speaker 2:Always In the fourth grade, he knew exactly was that was taken for haircut. He knew exactly how he wanted. He wanted the flat top, so he had we had trucker me and he described fourth grade he's describing how he wanted this and yeah, so, okay, whatever, whatever you want, kid. And so he went and we got it done and he was the cutest thing and he, you know, but he had a tail. He had a tail, craig, you know, but he loved him, they, they. They had a great little goofy relationship and he's loving this new way that Craig can speak to him. He got an I love cam right, and so cam cam also has been from his From from as long as I can remember, has wanted to be Well in the broadcast journalism business and he he was probably the only kid that went to recess. It wanted to announce the soccer game rather than play it.
Speaker 3:Hello everybody. My name is Craig co and I'm the senior vice president of relationship management for beeline. For more than 20 years We've been helping fortune 1,000 companies drive a competitive advantage with their external workforce. In fact, be lines history a first to market innovations have become today's industry standards. I Get asked all the time what did Casey do for your organization? And I say this. It's simple. The guy flat out gets it. Relationships matter. It's down to earth presentation, his real-world experience applied to every area of our business. In fact, his book when the relationship and not the deal has become required reading for all new members of the global Relationship management team. If you'd like to know more about me or about beeline, please reach out to me on linkedin. And if you don't know, casey Jay cox, go to Casey Jay cox, calm, and learn more about how he can help your organization. Now let's get back to today's episode.
Speaker 2:He also used to rush home. I forget what grade he was in, I think he was still in grade school, elementary school. I mean he'd rush home Because he wanted to see Regis Philbin and who wants to be a millionaire, I'm not kidding you He'd sit there and watch it. He loved Regis Philbin. So the his voice, the way he operated, it was just like it was crazy and and and. From his sophomore year on until today, he's had well, now it's a podcast, but he's had a radio show or a TV show since it's a sophomore year in high school. Wow, so he's a kid that really fulfilled his dream.
Speaker 2:He went to. He went to University of Maryland in their broadcast journalism program, interned at Fox News, if you. Where else he interned? Did some on-air stuff on campus, did all the Intermural stuff whenever they needed somebody, and he's he's the guy that also brings everybody together. When he comes home, all his pals get together. When, when he comes down, it comes up here. He lives in DC now. When he comes up here in the summer because he comes up and visits with us, when we you know, we have this place here and we're on the beach he, he gets everybody to come down and they all just, but they're still, even though they're almost 30, they're still. They still flopping.
Speaker 2:They can flop around because we've got the biggest place, but but yeah, so he's, he's my, he's my buddy. You know he's a and he's also working with me doing all of my all of my PR for my book. So he's booking me on podcasts and Right now he's helping me with the blitz that we're doing for For my yes, 65th birthday next week.
Speaker 1:Ladies and gentlemen, he's not like 65. I'm not just saying that too. He's a chiseled yogi, that's right man.
Speaker 2:So he's still beating up people half my age Love it.
Speaker 1:So I would love to, I Love to like just talk about in a few minutes, like you can like, tell me what was life like growing growing up for you, and and what were lessons that your parents taught you that now you've used to apply and that your journey is fatherhood so I Was the seventh of eight of an Irish Catholic family.
Speaker 2:The first four were subjected to strict Irish Catholic uprains. They kind of softened up a little bit as that as the next four came along. There's about a 20 year. There is exactly, almost exactly within a month, 20 year difference between the oldest will be 80 and my youngest brother, who'll be 60 in February, and so it was a confusing we was a confusing way to grow up.
Speaker 2:My parents were, were great people. My mother was an artist probably more would be the best way to put her. She was a phenomenal organist and and Pianist. She also ran the choir at the church and she ran it with an iron fist. We but and my dad was, was a brilliant man he was. He was a technician by schooling, but truly an engineer. He had, he had, all the chops for it. He, he did everything. Casey Neil did not get that. G Matter of fact, it's actually a very funny story that goes with it. So my dad, who never bought anything on time Right, he never paid a payments on anything if he couldn't pay cash for it, he's not getting it. It's, you know, really old-school, love it and and to that point he, I think he got his first new car when he was in his 50s, right, good, but he could always work on.
Speaker 2:So, anyways, I had, I had had, I was on my third car, made my fourth, and my fourth car was a. I saw that Ford, wilmington Ford was having $99 down, $99 a month, forever. You buy a pinto. That aren't sure about those babies, of course I you know. And it's a stick and all that. There's no frills to it at all.
Speaker 2:I drove her for a couple of years and then something went wrong with it. That of course my father diagnosed it and the only place we could get the part Is the dealership Wilmington Ford. So he's talking to the technical people and I'm kind of mostly around the mostly and around the Showroom and I see they've got Ford Escorts $129 down, $129 a month. No, how do I get me one of those? What do you got? I got a pinto. It's sitting at home. All right, we can do a deal. So we sold the pinto, we bought the escort. My dad took the part, went home with the part, put it in the pinto, got it running. The salesman drove with me back to my house this is a 30 minute drive. This wasn't around the corner Back to the house with the escort, took the pinto back. My father just stood there shaking his head, wow. So I was kind of the you know, I think things that I learned from them.
Speaker 2:I think, really has to do with. I can't really put my finger on it. It wasn't. I love my parents. I have no axiogram, they're both gone. My mother sadly died late 70s false hymors. My dad, that made it a good 10 years after that, 11 years after that he died in 89. And I had a fantastic relationship with them, you know, but it grew over time.
Speaker 2:There's I think I probably mentioned or you probably read it in the book is you know, in my senior year in high school, I'm 17 years old, I've got zero in the way of direction. Now you were out looking. You probably saw 15 colleges with your scratch minus two, son, right, and it's not like it was for us anyways, it wasn't like it is today. You know how we've got them mapped out from DNA right up until they had off and we never leave them. You know, and you know, in my parents they were like you're out, let's go time to move on. You know so. But we remain very close and so I just appreciated them for what they went through. I didn't I never felt unloved and I appreciated that they brought, they want to bring nine into the world and lost the first one, which back then I don't know if you I think you probably saw it in the book is that back then the Irish didn't say much, and when they did, nobody was listening, right? So it's like don't tell anybody, don't talk about it, but just press it down, right? I don't know if you've ever seen the Bill Barr, bill Burr, not Bill Barr. If Bill Burr the comedian, he does a whole bit on that. You know they just keep pushing it down and get that emotion down. Don't be showing anybody, don't be talking about anything. So yeah, so yeah, I mean they were, you know. So it was. We got to one of the greatest things to this day and why I am I have this place in Plymouth Mass is. We summered in Whitehorse Beach, which is six miles, that way, and that was magical for us. You know that's where we learned, we learned. So there you go.
Speaker 2:My takeaway is that I mean that was a, that experience, getting to know other people, and there are other ways of you know we had kids from the city, so right down, you know, mainly in Brighton, which is part of Barna Boss, and we're very good friends of mine from Hyde Park. So what they used to call this area was the Irish Riviera. So everybody from South Boston, somerville, all these places right around Boston came and settled here you know you're not too far from us in the summer and he. So I just became fantastic friends with folks and they've been that way for 50 plus years and it was a lot of firsts. You know some people ran a little faster than others and I was the guy from the suburbs and you know it wasn't as advanced as some of the stuff that was going on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but I caught up in some spaces but yeah. So it was no complaints, no acts to grind, wonderful people and, but you know, not supportive in the way that we're supportive today and we may be a little over the edge too. I mean, you know cause, you know people tracking their adult children on their phones and stuff like that I still shake my head a little bit about. But whatever floats your boat, brad's out there, it's okay by Neil, we're not. We're not. No, it's judging.
Speaker 1:No, judge, I you actually made me feel really better about myself. You know, because I think I don't know. If you remember when we first met a couple of weeks ago, I joked, but I actually think if you Googled my name and then you said, like world's, are you actually just Googled world's handiest I mean at least handiest person and then click images, my face might pop up. You got it. Yeah, you got a guy. I am atrocious. Like I'm a great secondhand deck, like I'm a good like play by play, like color man, but like some fixing stuff. I just I don't have the engineering mind to see it Right. Yeah, I suck at like, if there's instructions I get through. Like there's, let's say, there's 18 steps, I'm going to go to about 12 and I'll just figure it out and all of a sudden I finished the thing and I got three parts off. I'm like shit, where are those?
Speaker 2:guys.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, Exactly. And then every time, like I get ready to do a project, my wife's like read the instructions, like honey, I'm good, I got this, Like I'm fine. And she has every right to be nervous, every right to be like what are you doing? No, you're. And I'm like, why don't you trust me? We'll have to earn the right yet. So this is like actually kind of good humorous therapy for me of, like you know, maybe there's I'm not alone out there with my Well, here's the hack I got for you now.
Speaker 1:Include her in the process. No, I just have her do it now.
Speaker 2:Oh, well, then there's that. Yeah, okay, so you got to. You got to cover it here here in this place. I don't know why we did this. You know we bought furniture. We bought the, the about the main parts of the furniture that, the kitchen, the, the tables, you know the nice chairs, and here at a decent furniture store, very good, actually, pretty Jordan's furniture. It's been around forever but for some reason we cheapened out on the bedroom stuff. We went to Wayfair. Well, these babies showed up and it's, you know, 150 pounds of dead weight right In the box and you got to move that around. Now you take all the parts out. There was every in this, in this set of, in this bureau, there is every fastener known to man. So what I did was I put it together, but at each turn, when I was about to turn a screw, I said Lori, come in here, does this look right? Smart, I want somebody to come down down with the ship with me. Very smart.
Speaker 1:Okay, tell me what. What have you learned about yourself? That's like a hell Again. The motorcycles just went by, everybody kneels not a hell's angel. It's meant to be a local Boston chapter that he just he got jumped in the gang. Congrats, if you think, as you think about your journey and kind of like the, the I don't know what the word awakening or just like newfound life with this book and now some of the experiences you've had with Craig. For dads at home that maybe haven't don't have no idea what it's like to raise an autistic son, and then for dads that know what it's like to raise an autistic son, tell me what you've learned about yourself in this journey.
Speaker 2:Well, I think we're very resilient and I think you know it's as soon as you can get over the hurt and the and the, just the hurt, and you know the loss. I mean it's a loss. You never get to really grieve but you have to. I mean it's. You owe it to them, right, you got to be good for them. You know, and I know if somebody's going through right now, well, that's easy for you to say, well, it was tough. It's not easy but you want to. You know, for us there was never, there's never been, a moment where I mean a lot. You know. But what is the average marriage is one of the 50%. You know failures. It goes up dramatically and when special needs are involved, lorgan had became tighter when we came.
Speaker 2:We were teammates and and that could be, I think, in some way, shape or form that could stem back to being. I was an athlete, you know high school athlete, and teamwork was always big. Teamwork was always big with me in the, in the bar business, when I was a bartender, not to segue on to that, but it's just the. I think collaboration has always been big with me. That's how I became, that's how I've had my successes. I rely on other people, I rely on my own creativity, but I think I think you've got to. You know, once you get that done I went to get that down it's you know, you've, you can help your, you can help your child, you know, in every way you can, because it's a long road, no question.
Speaker 1:I think what you hit on also talks about. I don't know if you realize it or not, but I, as the host here, took it. You checked your ego and you your partnership with with Lori maybe talk, talk about that. What? What allowed you to check your?
Speaker 2:ego. Well, it was interesting. We met on a happenstance one time Doug Flutey, right. So, doug, we happened to be at an event if you even forget what it was for, but I think it might have been for his organization and he just we just stumbled upon him. It started talking to him and he was talking about I remember saying something in the way like who would have expected this from me, right? I mean, it's Doug Flutey, right? Mighty Doug, you know five foot five foot nine and can throw the ball 70 yards or whatever it was when he threw it to your, to your, rod failure. So it had.
Speaker 2:Recently, I just heard of a friend of mine's I don't know her brother all that well, but he's a multi-billionaire. That's why it's good ALS. He could have a hundred billion. She still has ALS. It's a great equalizer. So it was just for for us, it was you had to, we had to put the, you know, strap it on and just get to work and by by staying busy and active and seeing incremental changes. But again, we talk about a lot in our success in business that we just and we reveled in them, and that's and you got that from a good teacher too. Good teacher sends you home, sends home. You should have seen what he did today. He took his lunch, lunch, lunch bag out of the locker and shut the locker.
Speaker 2:Celebration time, the little victories yeah, so, and, but we were also. I mean, there was a level of realism too. So, yes, you, you, you surrender to what you've got to got to go, but you don't give up. That makes sense. Yep, I'm powerless, but I've got, I can start figuring it out. I recognize that this is. You know we're trying to move a mountain here, that we've got so many forces against us in this. You know there's they've. I'm. So to the dads out there and I'm saying this out loud, everybody, I am not an ATV actor, but somebody please explain the coincidence. Nobody's ever explained it to this day. They'll quote you know what they've done. What they've done is they've done a lot of work trying to prove that it wasn't the vaccines, but they've never, they've never, you know, they've ever told you what happened then. Okay, great, I'm with you on that. I believe you. I'm okay, no problem.
Speaker 1:So there they go again. Goes to Hell's Angels again.
Speaker 2:Man a little scooter. It's like kids.
Speaker 1:What have you celebrating? The little things I mean. When you said that, you know, it made me think of the word grace, and it's a word I talk about a lot, like when I'm working with my clients and from coaching business leaders and sales leaders, and I think sometimes you forget, like forget to give yourself grace, forget to slow down so you can go faster in life, forget to say, man, yeah, even though maybe I missed my number this quarter, I did do a lot of really good things, or I did a lot of great things with that client, like has that, you know? Like with Craig and seeing the little wins along the way, has that did that help you from a business perspective? Like just understanding? Like, like give yourself grace as an entrepreneur, what do you?
Speaker 2:do? Oh, absolutely, we talk about, you know, and we talk about everything in terms of not everything, but when we talk about our program that we put together positive activity, it's the practice of getting your mindset right, because nothing's a perfect. You know, you didn't do your gratitude practice this morning. Give yourself some grace. You didn't feel like it. You know what I mean. Get back at it tomorrow. So, yeah, we do. We made sure that we.
Speaker 2:My goal is on everything when I'm trying to, you know in terms of, let's call it a new prospect, I just wanna live to play another day. Right, I don't need to close you today. I'm not ABCing you and I'm not gonna try to trick you into some way. You're buying something for me today. You know I hate being sold that way and, if you're fine, if you heard one thing loud and clear out of the book is that the overarching theme is the golden rule. How would I like to be treated in this right now? Would I wanna be pressured? Do I wanna be tricked into doing something? No, I don't, and so therefore, I am not gonna try to put pressure anybody in, or you better get it into there Now. There's one thing that you wanna take care of a client. If you and you can build up the notion that you are, you're sincere in that, then sure. But yeah, absolutely, giving yourself grace is a great thing. Love it.
Speaker 1:Oh, that was one of the core themes that I got out of it. I'm glad you said it. For those that have read my book, chapter one's all about power of the golden rule treat people the way you wanna be treated, and why that is like, not why that's like. Oh, what great advice. Well, we learned it in kindergarten. We learned it from our parents. We learned it.
Speaker 1:But yet we get into this adult world and where someone in accounting screws up, we freak out on them. Someone in the car accidentally cuts us off. Maybe they didn't mean to, but yet we freak out. But it's amazing, if we slow down and really think about each interaction and we teach our kids to do that, how much a different world we'd be living in if we could get people to really bind to that. So that's why I love that Chris introduced us and I love that, as we said before we started, before we start recording that it's fun to read other books and get perspectives, and when there's a lot of similar themes, but yet you can still pull something out of it.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, we're all just disciples of Napoleon Hill and Dale Carnegie and who knows who their disciples are. And Covey, they didn't pick it up off the ground and all these guys with their motivational list, their motivational, that it's a different theme, it's just a different twist on the same theme. Yeah, I mean, it's like, and that's why I think for anybody that's thinking about writing a book out there, get the book called on Writing Well, where they talk about short sentences to the point, don't get filler. If you've said it, you're done. And I tried to adhere to that in my book and I'm sure yours. I went through it. I didn't have to go far on the, just the table of contents. I go. Okay, I'm gonna enjoy this one. Right, because you're right. Golden rule, I forgot that.
Speaker 1:I even forgot that that was your first chapter, but yes, Good, yeah, if you could go back in time now that you have three kids in their 30s and say man, I wish, because I always like to ask dad Aries their dad game. Maybe they don't like where it's at, but at least let's once we say it out loud, now we can do some about it. Now we can improve as a dad. And one thing that those who've listened to this podcast know that I talk about patience. So as a competitive guy, I'm ultra sensitive of like letting don't letting my patients get the best of me. My dad rest in peace. He could drop the most fantastic, articulate, powerful goddammit Casey, not me, I mean just intense GD bombing.
Speaker 1:We'd giggle and sometimes I find myself shoot. I'm being my dad dang it. Maybe, now that I've kind of led my witness a little bit, maybe for you if you could go back, and maybe there's one thing, man, I wish I'd do. That definitely, do you think come to mind?
Speaker 2:Oh, I think you just hit it right off the top of my head. I wish I wish I'd demonstrated the patience I have today and the grace that I have today. You know I did for a period of time I was, you know, I think you know why didn't you do this? You should have done that. You know real more. You know soft stuff not crazy but you know it's just a little bit more authoritative with my daughter.
Speaker 2:I regret to this day that I tell her all the time they say you know she was funny, lori, lori. I'd say to Lori all right, we're going down to a, we're going down to World Gym to shoot baskets, shoot baskets. She'd cringe Because you know I'd be going get behind the line fire. You know all this stuff. When in the end, I tell the guys that and I hope even the dads hear this chill out about the sports, chill out. Water is going to seek its own mark. Right, it's the. They've got the talent or they don't. They're going to put the work in or they don't.
Speaker 2:And I remember we, we talked about it all the time. We talked about it all the time not all the time, but some of the guys that were in AAU with me and basketball and whatnot. What a colossal waste of energy it was to worry about that stuff. What team is she going to be on? What is this Ba-da-da? Yeah, it's like it's just a colossal waste of time. The other one was, I think. I think I would suggest so it all does get to patients and I think it's a I'm and I have all the patients of the world for so much now and I think it's all. I wish I found my yoga practice 30 years ago. I mean I'm 15 years in now. I wish that. I wish we learned I practice trans-adventure meditation, which I did that 30 or 40 years ago, I mean I think every again. Any dad out there that's thinking about it? Find your way to be by yourself for five minutes in the morning and just give it a go, listening to your breath.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I did hot yoga for about three years and then, when COVID kind of shut everything down, I have not got back into it, but I think what's impressive, this is an audio podcast, but you and I both have been holding downward dog for this entire 50 minutes and no one would know it. So I think-.
Speaker 2:Exactly, yeah, yeah yeah, Joking we're not Namaste, namaste everybody.
Speaker 1:Okay, if you were to summarize kind of like, if you had to pick two or three core values that have helped kind of guide your life as a father, that other dads at home can take a little bit about what we've talked about and just that they can kind of open their minds to improve their leadership skills as a dad, to become that ultimate quarterback or leader of their home. Tell me what are two or three values that they can take from our conversation today.
Speaker 2:Well, I think, meeting the kids where they are. You know, I just had this conversation previous pod, I mean just before us, and I talk about that a lot with Craig now, especially where now he's at a place. We had him at one place. Now we got to meet him where he is right and we didn't know that he had this. I wish we, oh my goodness, if we had this knowledge 20 years ago, 30 years, 25 years ago, how much better his life would be. It would be amazing. He'd have graduated high school. I mean legit, he wants his GED. So I don't want to be labored at that, so that I think the other thing is take ownership because I use it in the business business part of my life.
Speaker 2:It was one of the greatest lessons I ever learned from Jimmy Gallagher as it relates to business, but you say the same thing about your personal life. Okay, so there was an argument.
Speaker 2:What was my role in it? How could have I done better? You know you're less likely to get into that argument again. I can't remember the last time we've had arguments around our house. I mean it just doesn't happen, so it's. I think in that case you're less likely to do it. And if you just say, all right, I could have done a little better here, it's a good way to diffuse it 100%, I think.
Speaker 1:One of the best pieces of advice I got in my life is the guy asked me Casey, do you want to be right or do you want to get what you want?
Speaker 2:Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 1:You know, it's just such a great reminder for me to check my ego, and knowing that I am. You know, we're no one's perfect. We're all flawed, no matter how perceived you might have success. We all have gaps, we're all flawed.
Speaker 2:You did read the part about it. But in the in the taking ownership, what a business problem arises chapter, it does go to the old adage the customer is always right. And I say also say on our end when you, when you, if you take the ownership, you're not, you're not trying to be right, because being right is overrated.
Speaker 1:Okay, If people want to learn more about you, which I know they do if you, if I hope there's a dad out there I take it back. I hope that someone's inspired by your journey, that maybe they're there and we'll make sure that book is linked in the show notes underestimated.
Speaker 1:I have a yeah, I'll make sure that's linked in the show notes If they want to learn. Obviously I want to talk about bar tips real quick and talk about the why you wrote it and how can people learn about. I know I read it, but how can, how can others learn about it and work, work in their buy it.
Speaker 2:So bar tips was written during COVID. It was a COVID project. It came to me through my writings that I had done about my experiences in the bar business and then also I had determined that and quick, trying to cut to the chase on the story because the story goes too long and I know we're towards the end my daughter was being honored by the chamber. Prior to her, you know, for the fastest people to watch under 30, the guy from five guys burgers was there and he, he gave the keynote and he his pre game to all of his. You know his little pre meal If you ever worked in hospitality. But you know it's a little bit of a raw, raw speech and he'd say we're not in the hot, we're not in the burger business, we're not the fry business, we're not the soda business, we're not the shake business, we're in the hospitality business.
Speaker 2:And I looked at my wife as my partner in life and in business, in point of context, everybody out there. We met when I was a bartender and she was a food server and we're the most like, unlikely of pairs. I will tell you, as also I, just it all came to me that I was in the hospitality. I've been in the hospitality business born. I've been bartending on the road for 30 some odd years. Same concept, same ideas and all that.
Speaker 2:And I was building the ideas through interviewing old friends that were in the business and just bouncing them up. You know, brained up the book, the, the, the concepts, and then said what do you guys think? And they were everybody to a person was like, absolutely, but is it? Is it all of them? I will guarantee you, somebody out there will go, hey, how about this, how about that? So it should be thought provoking. I mean, we want it's not an absolute. So in, in, and the way where you can find it, the best place I I like you to go is to positive activitynet and there's a direct link for Amazon right there. And all three versions are out Paperback, kindle and the audio. And no, unfortunately they didn't let me do the audio, even though I've got the vocal part and I would have a little Boston lilt to it, which it should have. But the publishing process is what it is and you probably know it as well as I do. It's not fun and they've got their ideas and that's what it is, even though you're paying them.
Speaker 2:So, so, yeah, so positive activity on net and you'll get to know more about us and our program and then you can buy the book right there and we will. They'll be starting, we'll be starting to put our speaker, our speaker kit, up there and all that will start. We're going to set building that out a little bit more in 24.
Speaker 1:Love it. Well, I'm like I said, chris Martin, thanks for introducing Neil and I. It's funny you meet people and like I feel like I and that's what's fun about podcast journeys. I feel like I get to know people and I feel like I've known people all my life which we've only known for probably a combined two hours. But great storytelling, a lot of good visual, even the point about the you know the bouncers part we had to. You know talking about like you know when the guy gets two bullets and had all the key lives and making sure you don't find yourself. And like the guys in the motorcycles and you're going by your house, hell's Angels. You're going to try to break up a Hell's Angel rally, which is probably not going to be six.
Speaker 2:Oh, man had that happened too Okay.
Speaker 1:It's now time to go into the lightning round, where I asked just completely random questions that make zero sense. Show you all the negative impacts of playing college football, which is not bong hits but football hits, and your job is to just hopefully answer them quickly. My job is to try to get a good good quality. True or false? You are actually actually well, true or false? Your favorite quarterback was Steve Grogan False, true or false? Tom Brady can beat Doug Flutey in a 40 yard dash.
Speaker 2:Never. There's not a day in the I can beat. I can beat him he's running backwards.
Speaker 1:I can beat him. Tell me the last book you read.
Speaker 2:I just finished up a friend of mine's book again another author so I read everybody's, everybody that we shipped and I'll be getting to yours shortly Now. First Bruno, now what.
Speaker 1:First Bruno. Now what? Okay, tell me your favorite 1980s comedy sitcom.
Speaker 2:Is that friends would be friends your friends.
Speaker 1:If you were to go on vacation right now with Lori, where are you going?
Speaker 2:I want to go to Ireland. I don't know if she wants to go, but I want to go to Ireland. We talked about it, so I think that's going to be. That's going to be 2024. Okay.
Speaker 1:If we were to go into your phone right now, and what would be the one song that your kids would be like? What dad you listen to that?
Speaker 2:There's something from Metallica. They don't know I'm at the metal, true or false. I don't even know what songs they are, I just put them on Amazon. Give me Metallica and the plays I work out to it. When I go in my guy says what do you want? I said let's do some metal. So good, if you told me I'd be into that 20 years ago, I'd say you're crazy. But I was late to the dance. I graduated high school in 1976 and ELO was big. I don't know who they were. I mean, I knew who they were, but you know I was into something else. I love Jeff Lee, I love ELO, but I really got into them the last 15 years.
Speaker 1:Love it. If there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title Nelson, okay. Now Nelson is crushing it All the airports, everyone loves it. It's on Amazon, everywhere you can get this book. It's people reading it and loving it. But now Hollywood wants to make a movie out of it and you're the casting director. I need to know who's going to star you in this new critically Tom Cruise. Tommy C, is he going to be flinging cocktails like you did in cocktails? Exactly, nice, nice, okay. And then last question Tell me two words that describe your wife.
Speaker 2:You got me there, you're not getting me. You're getting me, you're not. I'm not. I'm trying to figure the two perfect ones, because there's so many wonderful words. Just lovely person, perfect.
Speaker 1:Easy. You nailed it. I kind of got a giggle. I took you all over the board. I told you it would be random questions that make no sense. I want to thank you for your time. I want to thank you for spending time with us sharing your story, a very inspiring story. The vulnerability was fantastic. Chris, thanks again for making today happen. Please, everybody, go out and find bar tips, get a copy of it. Go to positivityactivityactivityactivityactivityactivityactivitynet. I have that right Positive activity, positive activitynet. Go support Neil and his team.
Speaker 1:This book was a great quick read. I think I read it in two days. I want to say, if you're a dad out there and you've enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend. Please share it with another dad. With the more dads we can impact through positivity leadership, we're going to create better, healthier homes out there. If you have a guest of mine, please reach out to me and let me know. I want to say again thanks again for all your support. I've spent great time with you, neil, and I hope our paths continue to cross. Thanks again.
Speaker 2:Thank you, casey. Hopefully we'll see you in Massachusetts next summer. Ha colorplayout соп.
