Stress-Free Holidays 101: Practical Strategies to Overcome Seasonal Stressors w/ Ashley Armijo

As the holidays approach, our hearts are filled with gratitude, but let’s acknowledge the specific concerns that may arise from the challenges faced by Christian women during the holiday season. I’m Ellen, your Mentor Mama, and joining me today is my daughter Ashley from Coffee and Bible Time. We will discuss:
🌟Balancing Family Expectations: The first challenge we tackle is the pressure to meet family expectations during the holidays. Ashley shares her experience, emphasizing the importance of prioritizing what truly matters.
🌟Overcoming Loneliness: Loneliness can cast a shadow during the holiday season. Ashley provides several suggestions to combat loneliness.
🌟Financial Stress: The holidays often bring financial stress, with expenses for hosting, gifts, and decorations. Ashley’s key advice on this will help you enjoy the season without unnecessary stress.
🌟Time Management: The hustle and bustle of the holiday season can be overwhelming, leading to exhaustion. Ashley emphasizes the importance of planning and intentionality.
🌟Relationship Dynamics: Navigating complex relationship dynamics, especially in romantic relationships or blended families, can be challenging. We will discuss maintaining kindness and love even in difficult situations.
🌟More Tips Await you in the Podcast! 
We hope these insights help you navigate the challenges and embrace the beauty of the holiday season. For more inspiration, check out our new resource, Harvesting Gratitude, available at coffeeandbibletime.com/shop. Wishing you a blessed holiday season!

Links mentioned in this episode:
Harvesting Gratitude Thanksgiving Resource
Christmas Bible Reading Plan
Easter Bible Reading Plan

Transcript

Ellen (Mentor Mama) (00:03.37) 

Welcome to another episode of the Coffee and Bible Time podcast, where today we are going to explore the unique challenges faced by Christian women during the holiday season. You know, the holidays are a time of gratitude and celebration, but they can also be times of specific concerns and pressures.   

Well, today we are going to delve into these challenges and offer some guidance on how to navigate them. And I have a special guest with me, Ashley from Coffee and Bible Time, welcome.   

Ashley (00:41.654) 

Thank you. I'm so happy to be here today.   

Ellen (Mentor Mama) (00:44.714) 

Yeah, thanks for joining. This is kind of a, you know, it's like a topic that's so exciting, but then at the same time, it can bring up a lot of anxiety for people, right?   

Ashley (00:57.234) 

Yes, exactly.   

Ellen (Mentor Mama) (00:59.51) 

Well, let's start with the first challenge that some Christian women may encounter, and that's balancing family expectations. You know, especially young adults, there's often this pressure to meet all of these, you know, expectations. If you might be hosting, you know, you want to have the perfect holiday dinner, or you want it to meet traditional standards, and this can really be overwhelming for people especially as a newlywed for you, for example, you're just starting to build your own traditions and family. So how would you suggest navigating this?   

Ashley (01:41.774) 

Well, this is something that I feel like anyone can experience is the pressure of just having that perfect holiday. I mean, I remember even as a kid growing up, like if we would have a bunch of guests over during the holiday seasons, whatever holiday it might be, there was always pressure to make sure the house was really clean, all the food was really spectacular, we were on our best behavior, everything like that which of course when you're hosting people over, you want to put your best foot forward for them. And now that I have my own home and I host people, I can see that why you really would want, you want the experience of someone else coming over to your home to be a great experience. And so I think just remembering.   

What's most important to you in this holiday? Hopefully it's not perfection, right? I know that can start to kind of take over, but if you remember the things that truly are the most important, like for me, it's having a Christ-centered holiday. It's making sure I'm with people I love, my friends and family, and making sure they know how much I love them. And providing a warm home for somebody or a warm home cooked meal, whatever it may be. And so knowing that those are like, that's kind of my goals for the holiday, then when the expectations for perfection try to creep in, I can remind myself, okay, I'm only human. I might have to run to the store to grab the pumpkin pie because I didn't have enough time to actually make it myself and that's okay. But as long as Christ is the center and I'm with the people I love, that's what matters.    

Ellen (Mentor Mama) (03:33.982) 

Absolutely. I totally agree. And I have to say I was not the best. Like I did always, like I enjoyed hosting, but I think I did put too much pressure on myself to like want everything to be just so. And I think letting go of some of that does take the stress off. I think it's also important to have good, open and honest conversations with your family.   

Because, and I think that you did a good job of that where you called and said, okay, we have Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up. What would you like? You know, here's what, you know, some of the things that you have to do, right? In your new relationship with Johnny and your church obligations. So just having conversations.   

Ashley (04:25.774) 

Communication, yeah, communicating, because that is another tricky thing about holidays, is whose family are we going to spend it with? Am I going to spend it in my town or your town? Am I going to be with these cousins or those cousins, or these, whatever it may be, right? And so that is something to openly communicate about months ahead of time, weeks ahead of time, and just, you know, like you were saying, say what would you like to do? What are you guys thinking? What would be the best for everyone? So, yeah, but also realizing it as a young adult growing into starting my own family, my own traditions, realizing that I have to let go of old traditions that I had and old ways of doing holidays. And it's sad, it's almost a mourning and a grieving of what once was. And especially if you grew up with special memories during that time. I know not everyone might have that, but it's just something that you have to realize, okay, life moves forward and things change, and I have to be flexible and open to new ways of celebrating this holiday, you know?   

Ellen (Mentor Mama) (05:38.502) 

Yeah, yeah, that's a great point. Well, another challenge that people face is loneliness. And being away from your family during the holiday season, due to work or just any other commitments that you might have can result in the feelings of loneliness. So let's talk about how someone can go about handling this aspect of it and maybe try to get connected in other ways.   

Ashley (06:11.73) 

Yeah, that's a great, great point. I'm even thinking about, so I feel like you could be lonely if you're not with your family, which is huge, because I'm even thinking about my sister-in-law who won't be with her family on Thanksgiving because she lives in a different state. So there's that type of loneliness, but then there's also a different type of loneliness that comes when you're single or maybe you recently went through a divorce or you know what, broken family issues or maybe you just lost a loved one and you feel really lonely. So that's another, there's just so many aspects of loneliness that someone might feel during the holidays and I think the holidays can tend to highlight it even more. And so it can be something that's just really hard and the first step to do is acknowledge how you're actually feeling. I feel sad, I feel lonely, I feel I have these feelings and you know what, I'm not going to push them down. Bring them up and I'm going to accept those feelings I have, but from there, how are you going to do the best you can to surround yourself with somebody, right? And I know for me, I experienced Thanksgiving and Christmas away from you guys, the one year that I went away on missions for two months and it was really hard because I missed being with my family. That's what I wanted. But what God gave me during that time was almost like a church family to be with. So although it wasn't like my close relatives, it was other people that God had put in my life during that season that I could share the holiday experience with. And was it the exact same? No. And what did I still have those feelings of loneliness? I did, but I was able to experience the holidays with a different type of family. So I would highly suggest surrounding yourselves with the family of God. As believers, that is our church, that is our local church. And do not hesitate to even reach out to families and say, or even to your pastor and say, hey, you know, I'm spending this Thanksgiving alone. Is there anyone at church who would take me in. And I can guarantee the list would be so long of families who would be willing to take them in. Johnny wasn't with his family one Christmas, and a family here took him in on Christmas Day. So it's just, I think the family of God, our church family, is huge during this season to combat loneliness. And so obviously the biggest thing is to turn to the Lord and to know lonely, but God works through his people. And so when we're with his people, we feel the presence of God with us even more, because they're there to encourage us and to lift us up and to give us hugs and whatever it may be, cook us a meal. So that's my bit of advice. But what do you think? I know you've been through losses before and you've been through hard seasons. So how did you do it?   

Ellen (Mentor Mama) (09:30.502) 

Yeah. Well, I just remember like after my mom passed away and I had spent almost every Thanksgiving with her, one of the things that really helped me get through it was continuing the traditions and the traditional foods, the way we kind of did the day. You know, I'm thinking of Thanksgiving in particular, but like how we would have breakfast and we would watch the Macy's Parade and the Dog Show and then have our Thanksgiving dinner later, the same recipes. So I think just continuing the traditions helped me get through it. But I really love your suggestion about if you're alone, you can reach out. If you're, you can also reach out to the same pastor and say, I would love to have someone over at my home. Could you know, if you make a connection, I'm here. I would love to have someone join us. I love that. And then also another way to kind of mitigate the feelings of loneliness can be by volunteering. And there are a lot of opportunities during the holidays to maybe serve the homeless or organizations like that where you can be working with other people. And that's just such a good feeling.  

Ashley (10:55.138) 

Yes.   

Ellen (Mentor Mama) (10:56.838) 

Okay, let's shift gears a little bit and talk about the financial stress that happens during the holidays. It could be, you know, it's costly just to host the food part of a holiday. It costs money to give gifts. So how do we go about having a less stressful, financially stressful holiday?   

Ashley (11:21.934) 

I mean, my biggest piece of advice would be to set a budget beforehand. I mean, tell yourself, okay, I have X amount of dollars to spend and what do I have to spend money on? Maybe it's food for a meal. Maybe it's gifts for this person, this person, this person. Maybe it's who knows what, right? There's a whole, there's so many things you could buy during the holidays, decorations for your home. Like if you want your home to be a cozy space. The list could go on. So definitely setting a budget right up front and saying, this is how much I have to spend. And if you are on a budget, think about ways to save. And so, for example, gifts for people, maybe you could make something handmade. Sometimes something handmade is so much more special because they saw that you put your heart and your soul into it by hand making it and I know I've done that in years past where I've just painted you guys something and you guys still loved it. You could go thrift shopping for gifts if you can find incredible things at a thrift store that, I mean, I'm sure I know my sister, there's something she would rather have from a thrift store because she loves the unique quality of those types of gifts. And when you're thinking about grocery shopping, thinking about, okay, which grocery store in my area is the cheapest? For me, it's Aldi. I'm for sure going to go do my grocery shopping at Aldi. And so, and then even within that, making sure you have a grocery list and a plan, because if you don't, you'll probably just go to the store and buy everything. So those are just a few of my tips. Also, if you're hosting people over, you can always say, hey, can you bring a meal? Like a side dish because I'll be making, let's say I'm making the turkey and I want you to bring the stuffing and I want this person to bring the mashed potatoes, right? That's another way to alleviate all of the stress of all of the food and everything. So those are my tips. What do you think?   

Ellen (Mentor Mama) (13:32.034) 

Yeah, absolutely. The only one that I'd like to add to that is the gift of giving your time. For some people, spending time together is their love language. And for those people, that is a gift that won't cost you anything but your time. And I have an example of that for my birthday Taylor asked me what I wanted and I just said would you help me organize my closet? Like I needed someone to come alongside me just to kind of be there to help me, do I really need this type thing? And it was such a great gift, but it didn't cost her anything. So maybe there's something like that you could do for somebody. So just remember that the holiday is not about extravagance, but about the gratitude and the love that you share. Okay, time management. This can be a stressor because people are, you know, most people are busy already. And then when you add a major holiday and all that's incorporated and plop that on top of it, it can just start to feel overwhelming. So what would you suggest in the area of time management?   

Ashley (14:52.618) 

Well, I just remember growing up and December would creep up to us and then we would get into the weeks of December and we're like, Mom, we have to start doing the Christmas shopping. We have to start doing all of, you know, because we would bake so many different desserts and treats, we have to start doing that. And then we have to go grocery shopping for this. And we have to, you know, when you have kids, they have all their like, parties and there's just tons of stuff. And in general, there's so many parties that happen just during that time. So, honestly, and I'm so bad at this, but having a calendar and writing everything you need down beforehand, right? And so for example, in our new resource, Harvesting Gratitude, which is for Thanksgiving, which has family devotionals, it has kids activities and it has Thanksgiving recipes but in there you have a whole a whole checklist for schedule checklist for the week leading up to thanksgiving so that you can stay organized and you can work on your time management and so that when the day of thanksgiving comes you don't have to be super stressed because you haven't planned at all and I feel like you since you've hosted so many things, you could probably speak into this so much more, but that's how you have a good time management is by planning, right?   

Ellen (Mentor Mama) (16:25.126) 

Absolutely. I mean, it is a lifesaver. And one thing Ash that I love about you is that you were such a good observer early on that I remember that there was one holiday that I was getting all this stuff, you know, just getting stressed about everything. And I remember you got the sheets of paper out. You wrote down Thursday, then Friday, then whatever the days were. And then you had it from eight in the morning till eight at night. And you're like, okay, we're going to, you saw me do it, but then you took the initiative to do it because you knew it would be helpful. And that helped me too. 

Ashley (17:04.242) 

Yes. Yeah, I mean, even something as simple as that, writing down, because like, let's say you're five days before Christmas and you feel like you have this overwhelmingly to do list floating around in your brain, write it down. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, everything. And then once these things start popping up on your brain, write it down immediately.   

Ellen (Mentor Mama) (17:18.421) 

Yes. Great advice. Okay. How about the social pressures that come up with the holidays? You know, we have all of the social media too. I mean, we have, you know, perfect looking things everywhere on social media. How do we navigate the social pressures of today's environment?  

Ashley (17:52.874) 

Yeah, I think there's two ways where this can be, we can feel pressure. The first way is, like you said, on social media with kind of what we talked about before, like seeing all these people host perfect Thanksgivings or perfect Christmases or Easter's. And also just one thing that I've been doing right now, cause it's November, is watching like Christmas home decor videos. But I mean, these people are like, spending who knows how much money on their Christmas decor and everything is beautiful. Everything is extravagant. Everything is over the top. And so I'm little old me over here on a budget because we just bought a house. I'm like I can't afford to spend 300 plus dollars on holiday decorations. So but it's just I have to remind myself, okay that is a social pressure to Christmas decorated house. And honestly, I would just be happy to have a Christmas tree up in the corner and some beautiful lights and some stockings. And like I said, what's important about the holiday, being with family, making it Christ centered, all of these things. So remembering that, but then there's also the other side of social pressure with all of the events you go to, like the actual social pressure of being in person with maybe family members that it's hard for you to be around or going to all these different work events or parties or whatever it might be. And so that can be a lot of stress and anxiety, especially for people who are introverts or maybe who have social anxiety or maybe you just have some family relationships that really cause a lot of stress and anxiety. And so that's a really, that is can be a really hard part about the holidays. And I think there's a tension with the holidays because it is such a beautiful and happy time, but at the same time, there are a lot of hard things about it. And so honestly, like I said before, being honest about how you're feeling, setting those boundaries you need to set, maybe there's someone in my family who is I feel like I can't be around for more than, let's say three hours. So I'm going to set that boundary. Hey, I'll come over to your house for the Christmas dinner, but then I have to go home, right? Maybe it's just not a good relationship and you need to set those boundaries. Or maybe with all the parties, oh, hey, I got invited to four parties this year, but I can only make it to two. That's okay, right? It's what are you capable of? And then setting those boundaries, and then here's the part I'm the worst at, communicating those boundaries. I tend to set the boundaries and then I don't tell that person and then they're hurt. And so, because I feel bad because I don't want to let them down, but you have to communicate those boundaries. So if I can't make it to Thanksgiving this year, I have to call them and tell them, hey, I'm really sorry I can't make it this year. I wish I could, you know? So those are just social, that's a whole huge podcast in itself.   

Ellen (Mentor Mama) (21:18.47) 

Yes, yes, it sure is. No, I think you covered those. Great, I completely agree. Great advice. Okay, how about navigating relationship dynamics? Because especially when you get involved in a romantic relationship, let's say you've got that going on, you have people that might have two sets of families, we've got blended families, and all of these relationship things can sometimes cause a lot of people anxiety. So what would you suggest for helping navigate those dynamics?   

Ashley (22:04.554) 

I mean, that's hard because it's a person-by-person basis on what their situation is and what they're going through. So it, and I just, you know, kind of what you said, the scope of things is so broad with that. It's so huge, but I would say as broad as I can, the most broad advice I can give is seek to honor Christ in any relationship that you have, even if that person isn't doing the same. You are only in charge of your own actions, your own thoughts, your own words that come out of your mouth. So making sure that you know it's your role to honor Christ. And if you honor and love Christ, you're going to love the other person because out of the love for God flows a love for people. And so I'm just thinking right now about hard family dynamics or hard relationships. But of course, there's the other side of enjoying relationships during the holidays. Like for example, I get to go home and spend more time with you and play games with you and cherish those moments. Sit by the fireplace or with my grandma, who knows how much longer time she has on Earth. Or, I mean, all of us, we don't know when our last moments are. So really cherishing the moments with our family members during these holidays and friends, and loving them, valuing them, kind of looking at it as like, okay, this is God's gift for me right now. Is these people he has put in my life? And how can I honor those gifts, those people? That God has put in my life.   

Ellen (Mentor Mama) (24:01.246) 

Yes, absolutely. That reminds me of that saying that your friends are the people you get to pick and your family are the people that God picks for you. And so, yes, there can be very difficult things, but I think you hit the nail on the head when you said try to keep, you know, your thoughts, your words Christ-centered and make sure that, you know, to the best of your own ability, you're doing that. And honestly, you have to be content in that sometimes when, like you said, you can't control what other people are. How their behavior.   

Ashley (24:45.926) 

Exactly, and it can be so hard and frustrating, you know, to be around family members that maybe you don't agree with their values. Maybe there's political differences that you guys have. Maybe there's religious differences, right? The list could be endless, but it's like, okay, it's my job to honor Christ. So I'm going to be kind. I'm going to be loving. I'm going to be warm and that's our job as believers. So, you know what? It's just hard. It really is hard.   

Ellen (Mentor Mama) (25:20.574) 

Well, in so much as we can, we can maintain the peace. We don't have to instigate topics that we know are going to be controversial or are going to cause a rift further. So I think if to keep peace in the holiday, it's important to consider that. Okay, how about maintaining our faith during all the distractions of the holidays.   

Ashley (25:53.674) 

I love that you brought this up because, and again, in our new resource, Harvesting Gratitude, which anyone can get today at coffeeandbibletime.com/shop, we have a devotional in there for the holidays. And it's all about how to keep Christ the center of this holiday or whatever holiday, in this case, Thanksgiving. And it really, I realized after studying and writing this devotional that it's about intentionality, right? I want to be so intentional this Thanksgiving or whatever holiday is coming up to make sure that my heart is set on keeping Christ the center of this holiday. And for me, what that looks like in my life is making sure that I'm spending those moments with the Lord, the extra time with Him in His Word. I'm spending extra time to thank Him and to be grateful, especially grateful for the sacrifice that He made for me, dying on the cross, saving me from my sins. That's the biggest thing I want to be grateful for this Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a time to stop and reflect about the things that we do have in this life, right, that God has given us. So I'm so, I want that to be the center of my thoughts and my gratitude this Thanksgiving. But along with that, there's little things that we can do to keep Christ the center. Like in our devotional we have, or in our new resource, we have a kids devotional. So including your kids into keeping Christ the center, reading scripture with your kids, singing hymns, praying at the dinner table, all holding hands, making sure we're all together as a family, sharing what we're thankful for together, right? If it's Christmas, making sure we actually make it a priority that we're talking about, hey, this is about the birth of Jesus, more importantly than Santa, right? I don't think Santa is a bad thing. I just think that we can tend to be so focused on the materialism or the gifts or the to-do lists, the food, that we forget the main point of it all. So in what little ways this holiday, whatever holiday it may be, can you set your sights on Christ? Can you help your family look to Christ? Right? So that's my tips. What are your thoughts?   

Ellen (Mentor Mama) (28:31.274) 

Yes, absolutely. You know, I love, there are a number of resources available that you can do before specific holidays. We'll make sure we put a link in the show notes to some of those, because we have them for every holiday. But I especially love, this is the first resource that we've come out with, where the adult devotional lines up with the kids devotional, and the kid's devotional is reinforced with the craft. So it really gives families an opportunity to spend time with God together, talking about the things that they're learning and applying this theme of gratefulness. So I'm super excited about that.   

Ashley (29:21.983) 

Yes. And if you're a family that wants to seek God, but maybe as a mom you don't know how to implement that as a family, this resource is for you because like you said, it has the exact steps. Okay, we're going to read this devotional together as a family and then we're going to do these crafts together. And it's as simple as that, right? You don't, it's nothing hard or crazy or unachievable.   

Let's seek God together and let's do it in a fun way, especially with children.   

Ellen (Mentor Mama) (29:54.594) 

Absolutely. Well, since we're wrapping things up here, Ashley, tell people where they can go to find this resource and other resources.   

Ashley (30:07.338) 

Yeah, so we have this new resource again called Harvesting Gratitude and it's Thanksgiving family recipes, adult devotional, kids devotional and crafts. You can go to coffeeandbibletime.com/shop and get yours today. It's such an incredible resource that we poured our heart and our souls into and that it's from our family to your family with the recipes that we grew up having and Mentor Mama tips on how to cook a meal and how to host a great Thanksgiving. And so it's so incredible. And of course, we have so many other resources for Christmas. We have like the PDF downloads, so we'll have those linked in the description as well. So that you can keep your holiday centered on Christ. We also have tons of things for Easter. So whatever holiday you're in, go check out that link in the show notes.   

Ellen (Mentor Mama) (31:05.43) 

Awesome, okay. Listeners remember that the holidays can be a beautiful and meaningful time, but we do recognize that they come with unique challenges. And as Christian women, we can navigate these challenges by setting boundaries, we can seek support from our faith community and really staying true to our Christian values.   

Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of the Coffee and Bible Time podcast. We hope these insights help you have a more meaningful and fulfilling holiday season.