This episode of the Reboots Podcast is about trauma - "Big T Trauma" and "Little T trauma."
Even "Little T" trauma can be devastating.
My dear friend Ada Floyd and I talk about:
If you're interested in learning more about Ada Floyd, check out her professional bio.
If you'd like to learn more about her personal story, listen to Reboots Episode R008.
This episode of the Reboots Podcast is about trauma - "Big T Trauma" and "Little T trauma."
Even "Little T" trauma can be devastating.
My dear friend Ada Floyd and I talk about:
If you're interested in learning more about Ada Floyd, check out her professional bio.
If you'd like to learn more about her personal story, listen to Reboots Episode R008.
Okay, we're live. And then I'm gonna reach podcasts. So welcome,
Unknown Speaker :everybody.
Tracy Winchell :You've probably met my friend Ada. And if your eight is friend and you're here, my name is Tracy. Glad you're here. We're going to talk a little bit about trauma big t little t here in just a second. And so if you've got questions, go ahead and post them.
Ada Floyd :It's been a it's been a busy week. Memorial Day, this this week was nice. Got to spend some time with family. My son, my 18 year old son is this is last week at our home before he leaves for basic training. And next Monday, he he heads out for Fort Jackson and so that's the kind of heavy. I mean, we're excited and obviously very, very proud of him. But between the sort of kind of graduation, you know, he did finish school, early know to call that a start tuition or not, there's a ceremony. But between that and then snowballing right into to him going into basic. It's been a whirlwind of emotion. And then I've had one trip to Little Rock and another one this afternoon for my daughter for some health stuff that we're kind of checking in on and so and that's just just in my family law. Yeah, of course. Then the, you know, the whole career as a therapist in, you know, a loose commenting to a fellow therapist today that we don't get a break. We don't go away. We don't. We don't stop hearing about COVID because we have to hold space for other people who were struggling with their own traumas, with the pandemic, their own. struggles with their race, their own struggles with everything else. It's just naturally going on in their life. And so when we start to feel overwhelmed, we have to take really good care of ourselves. But there's no pause button Really? Oh yeah.
Tracy Winchell :Yeah, it's been a heavy week. And it's entirely possible that my eyes might start leaking and we were just talking about that. Before we went live. We were We were praying for all of this and and already lost it first time I've had on mascara in a long time. And there's some of it right there so
Ada Floyd :I think, again, you're just allergic to sadness at all.
Tracy Winchell :I think you're right. So yeah. So when we're talking about trauma is what we're enduring now a trauma of some kind.
Ada Floyd :You mean as far as the pandemic,
Tracy Winchell :All of this all of the things this week. Yeah, the, the everything that's happened in Minneapolis. You know what, there's just so much happening.
Ada Floyd :Yes. We're in a weird time for, I'm not gonna use the word unprecedented because I think it's happened in history before, but for my lifetime, it's unprecedented for your lifetime, I think it is that we're actually experiencing a global trauma. Like literally the entire planet is affected by this pandemic, every country has been affected. So it's, it's this weird, global thing that we all have that we all share. Then you come closer to home and you look at what's going on nationally, and there's, you know, without getting into political debates, of any thought of any time The just the heaviness in the weight and the seriousness of events that are taking place in our nation right now in their tramatic, not only for the people who are directly involved, obviously people living in Minnesota are deeply you know, affected by this. My uncle lives in Minneapolis in that area in, you know, he had messaged me about Jacob and we were kind of chatting back and forth for just a second and I'm like, how are you? Are you okay? Are you guys staying safe because his neighborhood his, you know, his city is really in upheaval right now. And he's like, yeah, we're just keeping our heads down, you know, trying to stay safe. So I think it's, it's fair to say, though, that it leaks out beyond those people in that community. I see people in my own community that are. I don't know I don't. I feel like the old term shell shocked homeless. applies. Like, I've read a thing this morning. And I haven't like really studied it enough to have it sort of cemented into my brain yet. But you know, one of the terms that they were using was it applied to being, like almost frozen in our, in our shock, like, we're just sort of stuck. And I feel like that's where I am like, I know I need to do something I know I need to speak up. I know I need to get involved, whatever it is. And so what's interesting is I think a lot of people are feeling that because I keep seeing articles of like, Oh, you want to do something? Here's something you can do. And so I have collected a few of those to sort of sit with and read and sort of study to figure out the best approach. But yeah, I would say, globally, we're in a pretty, a pretty heavy time, and I do think it's going to have a pretty strong Merkel ripple effect for generations.
Tracy Winchell :You know, one of the things I wrote this article several weeks ago, the 15th things I've learned about change. And one of the things that I've learned about change is that life doesn't slow down and wait for us to catch up, like pandemic trauma. On top of weather related trauma doesn't seem fair. Nor does racial unrest seem fair on top of all of that, and yet, here we are. And there was a time in my life when that that infuriated me. Can you just let me deal with this trauma instead of throwing me this trauma and I was pretty furious with God when I met you. And the reason I met you is because I was pretty furious with God because of the trauma that just kept happening and happening and happening. And it doesn't matter how big or how small that trauma is. trauma is trauma, right? Is that kind of the point of the big t little t stuff that we Talking about a year or so ago.
Ada Floyd :Yeah, that's I mean you're you're definitely hitting on it the and there's no formal like in a big pretty book kind of differentiation there. This is something that informally me I know several other therapists. I learned it from my supervisor. So there's a lot of us who who utilize this language just to sort of clarify some points. We're not talking about big t trauma, I'm talking about stuff that qualifies for PTSD. So car wrecks racial assault or CSE racial sexual assault, see where my brain is, although racial was sold to let's be honest, that would apply to violent attacks, things like that. Also being witness to an event like that. So think about the person who's holding the phone and recording that recent event in Minneapolis. They also will experience big trauma or potentially could in trauma isn't necessarily that you go through those events. It's your PTSD is it whether or not you Go through those events. It's whether or not I get stuck. Does your brain process and file everything away? Or does it stay stuck in it? I've had a car wreck, where because I was able to immediately talk about it and I processed it and I allowed my body to shake off all of those hormones and chemicals that flooded my system. It didn't get stuck, and I did not get PTSD symptoms from it. I never had nightmares. I never had unwanted memories. I never had any of those symptoms. a wreck was still a trauma, but I didn't develop PTSD. So they're, they're not interchangeable terms, right? So, but things that we call big t are the ones that would potentially go in that PTSD category. what I think of as little t traumas are that comment that 12 year old made to you when you were in your bathing suit and feeling a little self conscious, and they made that comment about you know, because you're kind of a little clunky, and here you are at 47 years old, and you can't let go of that idea that you're still chunky Because of what that one person's comment did to you, it's, it's, it's those little moments in life that to somebody else, they blow off and it's insignificant. But in this moment, it just jabs deep. And it's not always words, it can be events that happen. But again, they're not quite big enough to qualify for that big t trauma. So we experienced trauma all the time. And in no way by calling it big T, little t are we trying to diminish anything? It's just a differentiate between PTSD potentially and not to PTSD, potentially, the trauma. Man, we call these touchstone memories. These are things that like it rooted in and now they affect how our brain interprets other things. Right. So that comment by some teenager when I was little, could potentially be different That now shapes me to feel like I'm unlovable or I'm never skinny enough. And so then out of that other disorders could potentially grow.
Tracy Winchell :We get so used to the thoughts in our head. I do anyway. How do I how do I even recognize that my brain is stuck in the middle of that trauma, whether it's months old or decades old? By How do I know that that tape playing in my head because of the trauma is a lie or may no longer be true?
Ada Floyd :And it's an excellent question because what is my conscience speaking to me and what is you know, a stuck trauma that's lying to me and how do I tell the difference? And I'm gonna tell you, that's where you get a good therapist and you work through those things that my bed is, if it's a real serious situation, Because it is hard, it's really hard to see the kind of rule of thumb that I use personally and then I encourage people to consider is the difference between conviction and condemnation, is what you're hearing in your head, criticizing, and belittling you as a person. I don't think that would be conviction. And you and I are faith based people and so I don't have to hold to the tenants of, of, you know, I do in therapy where I don't get to talk about faith, you and I come together through faith. That's what we connect with. So I get to use that when you and I are talking and say, God doesn't use condemnation. He doesn't make you feel bad about yourself to try to change who you are. He's not trying to, you know, humiliate you into a change in behavior. He will convict your heart, he will make you very uncomfortable in a situation that maybe is not healthy, so that you desire to change and so sometimes my thoughts are I need to do something sitting back and just putting an angry face on a few posts is not enough. I'm not acting in by not acting on contributing to the problem. Okay, that makes me uncomfortable that makes my skin crawl, it hurts my heart and that is conviction. I feel very distressed by those thoughts. But that's not a reflection of I'm a bad person because of that, that simply my inaction is in fact an action and I need to shape up. So alternately, if if the voice inside my head is saying, You're such a piece of crap, you never do anything, you're useless. You don't even care about these people. Well, now that's condemnation. And that's my old traumas speaking up and putting in their two cents.
Tracy Winchell :So, okay. Something broke inside me the other night and you and I talked offline about about this. I mean, it was it if I could have found some ashes And sackcloth, I would have tried to do the whole lamentations thing and the repentance thing. I was on my knees just in a ball of tears. Because it was a moment that I realized I was making all kinds of excuses to not talk about racial inequity. And that's not on anybody else that's on me. So that, for me wasn't condemnation. That was conviction. And the interesting thing about that is that suddenly the resentment that I felt for so many other people on all sides of let's just keep using the racial equation for now. I lost the resentment the cuz people weren't where I was. People were where I used to be. So the resentment is gone, because I can totally empathize with all sides of that. I know, God is dealing with me. And so that's sort of a conviction truth. Versus me saying, Tracy, you're no good. You're useless. It's a Wait a minute. I've been wrong. I want to stop that. What do I do next? Is that kind of what you're talking about here with conviction versus...
Ada Floyd :Condemnation? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Because you're getting angry in the right direction. You're not getting angry at other people for being broken people or not quite being where you are right now. You're having empathy because you remember being where they are. And you understand the struggle of that. And so that empathy is good that that compassion is good because good Oh, Soca, there's going to be at least one quote by Ed in every in every one of our interactions, right? At least one. You're never going to argue somebody to your point of view. If, you know he told me that years ago, he said in his 30 Plus, at that time, years of being in the ministry, he said, I've never once argued somebody to my point of view, and that stuck with me, and I really resonated, that, you know, he's right, I'm not going to be able to do that. And so yelling and screaming at people in my life personally, isn't the right solution. For me, that's, that's not going to get the effect or the you know, the results that I want. So instead, I'm going to come with empathy, and I'm going to have an open heart and a willing heart to listen. And this is really important that that we hear what they say but just like you You know, had told me about and and, you know, I both agree, we have to stand firm on our convictions and say, Okay, I hear you, I respect you. But what you're saying is not okay. This is just not a negotiable point in my life, I will stand up for my brothers and sisters of color. And I will not apologize for that. And I will not wander around my words to make you more comfortable. I'm sorry, if that's what you need. I'll help you get word out of that place into a healthier one if you want. But I'm not going to back down from this. So there's that commitment to making that change and being you know, strong in it. But I don't have to yell but I can say that with grace and with kindness, and hopefully that will lure people to explore something more rather than putting up their defensive roles and saying I want nothing to do with you. Because you're wanting to listen to me.
Tracy Winchell :So where does all this kind of fit in with with with trauma, because like, we're talking about a trauma and how we manage it. And we're letting other people deal with their trauma, and we're kind of helping them through it even as we deal with our trauma. Like all that kind of fits in together, doesn't it? I mean, we don't like Do we ever fully heal from trauma? Or do we just learn to navigate it? Yes.
Ada Floyd :It depends. Um, maybe sometimes I get lots of these, like, not really committal answers I can give you because the truth is yes and no. I have some traumas that I absolutely unequivocally will tell you. I'm over. It's healed. It's past and it's no longer an issue in my life. And Some of my little t traumas, right? So it's that embarrassing thing that happened in fifth grade that I couldn't even bring myself to talk about. But I did the therapy literally did EMDR for it. And now it's just like, that's a funny thing that happened to a fifth grader. It's okay, it's no big deal. And that does not affect me anymore. The sexual abuse, I think that's going to always be there in some form and fashion. And I'm always going to deal with some of the, the fallout of that, but it's not as intense, it's more manageable, I can recognize it 95% of the time and go, okay, that this reaction has to do with this trauma. This is not organic to who I am. And so now I know, to confront it, to face it to deal with it differently. So, yes, maybe sometimes both.
Tracy Winchell :So Patty actually has a specific question along that line. How do you let go of childhood traumas that still affect you? Is it letting go or is it learning to manage it?
Ada Floyd :To me it's Learning to manage I don't think that this concept of letting go is really as doable as we want. It's kind of like, you know, we've talked about this in car before, like defining what is forgiveness? I think a lot of times, people get this misconception that forgiveness means that I'm like lemon law about something or I've let it go or I've forgotten all about it. And and none of those are true. Forgiveness is about finding healing from my heart. And in getting rid of this resentment and anger, and part of that process for me personally, and then I try to encourage clients towards it's finding what good can still be derived from that bad, right? So if I want to talk about healing childhood trauma, how does that childhood trauma positively impact my life? Okay, that's a heavy burden. That is hard work. And that is not done lightly. And I don't mean that in a dismissive way. at all, but it is literally what brought me peace and healing. I would not be in the therapists chair. We're not for my childhood trauma. We're not for my sexual abuse. I wouldn't be a therapist, I wouldn't be as good as one if I was, if it weren't for the death and the loss of my sons, I wouldn't be a therapist, because that's literally the turning point that changed my my career path. So I have to look for how did this change me for the better? Or is it has it? How can it? What can I do to take hold of this and say no more? Is this going to shape me for the negative? How am I going to use this to make me a better person? Will it make me more compassionate? Will it make me kinder, and in no way does that dismiss the pain because I am still a broken person and I still deal with the fallout. My husband still deals with the fallout of my trauma. That's facts. That's reality. but less than less, the more I use that to help others, the less power it has over me
Tracy Winchell :So it's not a box, we check once. It's a box, sometimes we check over and over. And then.
Ada Floyd :Yeah, that was if you remember, about a year ago, I was sitting in a coffee shop, and me kind of losing my mind, because here I was dealing with that same thing for the seventh year in a row. And I sort of was at my breaking point, and I and I did, I've gone to this really ugly, angry place of wanting to blast my abuser online and wanting to call him out and to identify him to every family member ever. And like really heavy stuff for me. And you just listen, you didn't try to tell me you can't do that or try to change me. You're just like, wow, what would that look like? If you did? How would that play out? What maybe wouldn't be so good about that? And then you prayed, and we prayed about it. And I finished my inventory and on we went, you know, and I didn't, I didn't have to act on those ugly negative things because they weren't going to help me. But I seven years into recovery. I still hit that wall once in a while of like, This isn't fair. But that took me, you know, a good three years to come back to and I'm not been back there since and, you know, I'm in a really good healthy place for it. So it's it's not a one time and done thing I'm afraid, especially with the big one.
Tracy Winchell :Sorry. If we end up with frustration on top of frustration when we don't understand that we, it's a repeating it's pretty often a repeating to do item because, and I, you've helped me through similar things. It's like, wait a minute. I'm pretty frustrated that I'm dealing with this again. So there's the pain of having to deal with it again. And then there's the frustration of having to deal with it again. It's like, Can I just not make this a little easier on myself? The answer sometimes No.
Ada Floyd :Wouldn't that be lovely though? Okay. If I just do this little project and I just check these boxes and then I need to walk away scot free all done, it would be lovely. And yet that's not reality. Yeah, some of my little t traumas, yes, processes, did the work, got the, you know, got the negative cognition uprooted and out of my life and put the the truth in its place. And it's done. I'll probably never need to revisit some of those little things over again. But the big stuff? Yeah, I'm afraid so. Because it's just, you know, think about how much of a ripple effect that has right and that's why I'm really careful when I talk about little t traumas that some of those have some pretty profound ripple effects too. So maybe my fifth grade experience is a one and done. But say Mason's, you know, my husband's fifth or sixth grade at one time experience. Little t trauma isn't a one and done that may be, you know, one of the voices in his head that he has to combat frequently and come back to so it's it's different for every person in every situation. But that's why I say yes, sometimes it is a one in others. You got to really you got to really be committed to this as a change in lifestyle. You know, we've talked about that with car as well that, you know, we go to car, not to just get fixed and when, when we go to recovery thinking, I'll just work the 12 steps, mark the box check done, and move on with my life like I did when I first went to Al anon I thought that was it. I did it. I'm done. I was sadly mistaken. And obviously quite surprised when that didn't really work out for me. It's a change in lifestyle. It's a commitment to a healthier way of thinking. And we need to be constantly connected and reminded to that to to maintain it, because it doesn't come naturally to most of us.
Tracy Winchell :And and we can't do it alone. Like, I thought I could do God alone. I thought I could do life alone. And we see how well that worked out.
Ada Floyd :Yeah, no, it's not it's not a solo game that didn't create us to be, you know, individualistic creatures. He created us in communion and in, in this cohesion of groups, we're in family groups, we're in social groups, we're in cliques, we're in no neighborhood groups and you know, all of these things are because we desire and need that input from others. It's how we even recognize ourselves. You know, I can't see me I can only see me through your eyes. So it's important for me to have really good healthy people that I can see myself reflected in in a healthy way so I know what I'm really dealing with. Otherwise, I get this really twisted, skewed view. And I am not healthy.
Tracy Winchell :I can only see me through your eyes, which is part of the way that that we get past the question I asked you earlier about how we know what in our head is a lie? And what is the truth. Right?
Ada Floyd :Exactly. Because if I say it to you, and you respond to me like, No, that doesn't make any sense. Let's talk about that. Okay, now that tells me heads up. I'm maybe I'm working with some misinformation here. And that's critical. And but if I go to somebody who I know is going to jump on the bandwagon and grab the baton, start swinging with me, then I'm not going to get anywhere, right? Because they're going to Yeah, yeah. And just like, if I'm angry, I am righteously angry, and they're going to support that and, well, that's not helping me. That's not helping me grow. It's not helping me challenge myself, to look for truth because I hate to tell you, but we all lie to ourselves on the regular and so we need really good quality people in our lives. We can check ourselves, someone who's not afraid to hold us accountable and tell us the truth.
Tracy Winchell :So I want to follow up on that. Because I think it's really important before we wrap up to talk about how we find safe people who can challenge us. But before we get to that, because that's probably going to be our last question. Unless we get another one in the comments. I want to I want to kind of backtrack a little bit you talked about e m, DR. What the heck
Ada Floyd :is that? Like you do EMDR eye movement desensitization and reprocessing big mouthful. That's why we call it EMDR. It is one of several types of trauma treatment. It is so special to a specialized type of therapy. So it's not one of those. any old therapists can do things. More and more though there's been a huge push in the state of Arkansas. Thanks to some more wonderful people with my friend Gary Scarborough and Jill Archer and Melinda Taylor, who have really pushed to try to get EMDR known and spread through the state. And because of their their terrific work, especially Jill and Gary, because they're the trainers, and Joe young, he's one of the trainers as well. Because of the hard work that they've done, there are hundreds of EMDR therapists in Arkansas now. So it is easier to find us than it used to be. But it does require extra training and knowledge. But it is a processing technique. So that means we we go to stock trauma, we go to the place where whatever the car wreck or whatever it is, is in our thoughts. And we we carefully and appropriately reopen that emotional wound. And we allow the brain to actually process through it again correctly, and put things away. And so then we're not just stuck with these false beliefs of I'm not safe or I'm unlovable or whatever it is. That our brain is treating like truth. You know, like we're at our core believing it's true. I'm not. I'm an unlovable person. Nobody can truly love me. Well, no, that's not really true. Because we know God loves us and so all else falls to that. And you know, we as human beings are all lovable creatures. And so it's it's a matter of reprocessing that and letting go of that negative belief and putting away all this traumatic things. And coming out the other side with a yes, this is an event that happened in my life. Yes, this is an event that deeply impacted me, but it no longer controls me. And so I did that for myself with my sexual abuse. And in I mean, it was a game changer. I went from having full body reactions that I could not control, flashbacks and unwanted memories that I could not control to, periodically a little discomfort and Yep, no, that's, that's, that's related to the abuse. Okay, moving on. So now it's just a Interesting Let me check that it doesn't carry that weight for me anymore. And EMDR is what? Set me free.
Tracy Winchell :So it it helps you navigate the physical anxiety and the physical reactions of the emotional experience. That's kind of still stuck in your head. Is that
Ada Floyd :it literally Yeah, I mean it helps with the physical reactions. It helps with the emotional reactions because we have emotional flashbacks. Sometimes we'll have an emotional overwhelming moment and no clue why we suddenly feel it. Well, it's because we smell the perfume of that lady who did that thing way back, you know, whatever it is. So it helps with the emotional it helps with the mental those stuck cognitions that are not safe or I didn't do enough or whatever it is, it's not true. So it helps us get past those cognitions it helps us get past the emotional and it helps us get past the physical. So it's literally a full body treatment. It is research and evidence base is very well researched and evidence based they use it with veterans a lot with their PTSD. It's proven very effective there. I do not have the current numbers in front of me. So I will not quote statistics because I don't believe in making them up on the spot. But I do know that the numbers for it are higher than medication for treatment of PTSD. Wow. It's a really effective treatment. How do I know if it might be right for me? You have trauma. Doctors, therapists, like those two things. If you have trauma and you have you feel stuck, or you feel like I can't seem to get past this, and I'm sick and tired of talking about it, but I want to make it better. EMDR is a really good idea to check out. I don't I don't say that there are like, lots of people that it's not right for individually. I can't say I have run into a couple people that they're putting ticular personal situation we weren't successful with it right away. So I'm trying to be careful because this is literally talked about clients now. So, but there are other disorders that can sometimes get in the way. And so you have to address those disorders first. So that so that the EMDR isn't safe to do and and actually accessible and not more traumatic or, and that's why it's so important that you get a trained quality therapist to help you with that. There are different levels of EMDR therapy trainers. So you have those who are on the indriya website EMDR ay ay ay ay ay.org. So on indriya those are people who are fully certified, they've done above and beyond additional supervision and training. You know, they pay their dues, quite literally and so they're on that website now listed and those are your cream of the crop therapists I'm not on Andrea because I've only recently gotten my LPC instead Elysee and you have to have that and then do these additional steps that I just haven't done yet. So those of us who are just below that level, we're fully trained that we've been through two courses of training, we've done 10 hours of supervision, and we've got hours of experience using EMDR. So that's those are still really good quality therapists to tap into. And even for some who are, you know, in the process of getting their supervision completed, who are doing their training, you know, maybe they're a good place to, you know, you might want to be the person to help them in their experience and, and be that willing participant in their learning process. I had a couple clients who did that for me and I will be eternally grateful for them because I got to help them with some stuff that they were dealing with. But I also got that learning experience and they knew I was learning and so it was okay, we were being you know, obviously very transparent but so, but you're looking for somebody who has the training and knows what they're doing not, hey, I've heard of this thing. I've read a little bit about it. Let's give it a shot like, no, that's not a good idea.
Tracy Winchell :So that's kind of one end of the spectrum for for treating trauma. So let's let's kind of wrap up here. I know you got to hop in the car and take a road trip. Let's get back to that other question like how all of us have dealt with some sort of a trauma or probably have some sort of trauma that we haven't dealt with? How do we find somebody safe? To help us work through that whether it's just our tribe of people who who will say, wait a minute, outrage is not a proper response here. Here's a proper response. I love you. I care about you. How do you find that tribe? And then how do you know when you really might need the hands of a pro like you
Ada Floyd :So for me my sort of criteria when looking for people in my tribe, I'm looking for people who also have dealt with life experiences. And that I've seen them handle it in a way that I respect. So the person who's blasting other people on Facebook and who's yelling from the rafters, but isn't actively doing anything with their life and I know the chaos that they're living in. It's probably not going to be one of my people, right? So and I'm not saying use Facebook to screen anybody because I think that's a false narrative and its own self but but so you look for people who talk the talk and walk the walk. I'm also looking for people who are willing to call me out in love who will say, I don't know that I agree with what you just said, or at least not how you said it. We need to talk about that a little bit more. You and Haley and you know, some of those, those early First time around that study girls are you know, y'all are part of my tribe, y'all are the people who would do that. For me. My best friend lakyn is one of those people for me like she has no problem calling me out. My husband has become one of those people for me. Who will who will say I think you're being a little over reactive right now. And he says it in a loving way that's not gonna push more buttons. So those those are some of the criteria for me someone willing to call me out in love, hold me accountable, but also who's who's leading a life that I admire and respect and they're facing their own challenges in a healthy way? As far as when do I think somebody needs to seek out a therapist? Are you breathing you probably need I'm just kidding. I mean, we all can benefit from it. You know, that's one thing I love about Kevin, our pastor is that he you know, he's quick to say at different stages in life, we all could benefit from it, right? So, understanding that there is there shouldn't be stigma associated with getting help. Just like, I'm going to take my daughter to the doctor for a medical condition, and they're going to check out her brain. And we've had people check out our hearts, we need to let people check out our emotional self, too. And that's okay. You know, you want to make sure you get a good professional, as far as which therapists, and it's so it's so tricky because we all kind of mesh with different types. One of my friends had asked me for a referral, I sent them to somebody that I value as a human, and I trust and I met them and I know them. And then they got in that space with them. And we're like, oh, this is just not working. For me. Their approach doesn't feel right to me. I don't I'm not comfortable with it. I'm like, I let's switch gears. Let's go try this other person who's kind of the polar opposite and see if that's a better fit. And it was it was a really good fit for them. And so you're looking for somebody who one has the approach to therapy, therapeutic approach that suits you or that you you know, if you know about stuff like that, so maybe you're Looking for you and Dr. Because you know you have trauma. Or you have you're looking for somebody who specializes in anxiety or in depression or, you know, some specific struggle, maybe. So kind of narrowing it down by that I'll be honest, we all have to start with narrowing it down by a source of payments. So looking at your insurance list, but don't be afraid to shop a little you try one and it's not a good fit. Maybe give them two or three times to see if it was an off day or it was nerves or something. But I know it sucks to retail, the bio psychosocial stuff again and again, but it beats staying stuck with a therapist you don't have your poor with. You really should feel a warm feeling of they get me or they accept me at the very least, like I'm okay here. I'm safe. No matter what I say there's no judgement. Like that is paramount because there's a difference between challenging somebody And holding them accountable and judging them. My job is to hold you accountable it is not to judge. So those are kind of the things I look for. There are lots of places to go to look for lists of therapists to get some like, comparison general idea like Psychology Today is one. But remember, it's the people who pay to be on there that are on there. It's not every therapist in the neighborhood. Asked friends, honest to goodness, if people would just open up and share their experience with their therapist. My best referrals come from people who've told others about me, because those people are telling their friends who they are alike, that, hey, this person helped me and so they're going to come and they're going to be similar enough that we're going to still drive they're still going to fit and be part of my drive. My best referrals has been people who were word of mouth referrals. So ask your friends ask the people you know and trust that person. group of people we talked about ask them how many therapists you know any. And then again what we're also doing when we do that is we are shaking off that statement that says we can't talk about it. We have to do therapy and secret that we can admit to anybody we need help. What a load. Yeah.
Tracy Winchell :No, that's good. Thank you. And then I'm gonna let you hit the road. I'll leave us with with a comment that one of my other dear friends Steve, Steve Austin, Steven Watson, what is wrong with me? Steven Austin just wrote t dub but now I see why you love ADA. This has been such an awesome conversation. Thank you for hosting this. And thanks Ada for sharing some of that hard won wisdom. So yeah, I think he was sharing this in his in his catching your breath. community. So Yeah, you know, we could totally the three of us just have a good time and and i think people might actually learn something if we talk. But yeah, thanks for hanging out. And I tell you what I'm praying for all of you with this week, but louetta has got you and Sophie and Jacob on her heart as as he leaves for boot camp, and we got to have a socially distance. Taco Bell lunch with him. This is a week ago today, and Wow, what a good time what a good kid and I know you're proud of him and so are we.
Ada Floyd :And I can't express enough how much I love you guys and the role that you will play in my family. It's, it's tremendous. And when angry Tracy came through those doors for car for the first time, God did me a really big favor and I appreciate that.
Tracy Winchell :Love you, sister.
Ada Floyd :Love you. Love you talk to you soon.