PeakConnection

Single in Lockdown and Finding Love in New York City

March 11, 2021 PeakConnection Team Season 1 Episode 28
PeakConnection
Single in Lockdown and Finding Love in New York City
Chapters
PeakConnection
Single in Lockdown and Finding Love in New York City
Mar 11, 2021 Season 1 Episode 28
PeakConnection Team

Navigating the sometimes tumultuous New York City dating scene can be challenging, even in the best of times--now let's add a global pandemic. An actor, producer, and host of the podcast Hashtag Single, Jeanette Bonner shares her struggles and triumphs over the past year. She discusses why she continues making connections, despite the limitations of quarantine and Covid-19, how dating apps are more harmful than helpful in making a perfect match, and the resiliency to continue pursing passions regardless of the darkened New York City stage.

"For me, one of the things that really helped me cope was figuring out my why ...I had to figure out why do I do everything every day...How does it serve me? How does it fill me? That's helped me. And I think anyone who's dealing with anxiety or career struggles, everything comes back to love. What's the thing you love about it, or just love in general." --Jeanette Bonner

Ways to Connect with Jeanette: 
Production Company: https://www.instagram.com/kellyspoolhall/
#Single Podcast: https://www.instagram.com/hashtagsinglepod/

Audio Engineered by: Blaise Douros 

Show Notes Transcript

Navigating the sometimes tumultuous New York City dating scene can be challenging, even in the best of times--now let's add a global pandemic. An actor, producer, and host of the podcast Hashtag Single, Jeanette Bonner shares her struggles and triumphs over the past year. She discusses why she continues making connections, despite the limitations of quarantine and Covid-19, how dating apps are more harmful than helpful in making a perfect match, and the resiliency to continue pursing passions regardless of the darkened New York City stage.

"For me, one of the things that really helped me cope was figuring out my why ...I had to figure out why do I do everything every day...How does it serve me? How does it fill me? That's helped me. And I think anyone who's dealing with anxiety or career struggles, everything comes back to love. What's the thing you love about it, or just love in general." --Jeanette Bonner

Ways to Connect with Jeanette: 
Production Company: https://www.instagram.com/kellyspoolhall/
#Single Podcast: https://www.instagram.com/hashtagsinglepod/

Audio Engineered by: Blaise Douros 

Episode 028 “Single in Lockdown and Finding Love in New York City”

 Guest: Jeanette Bonner

Lindsey Douros:

Welcome to Peak Connection. The podcast for individuals, couples, and professionals about engaging in life with vitality, deeper emotional connections, love, intimacy, and authenticity. I'm your host Lindsey Douros, and joining me today is Jeanette Bonner. Jeanette is an actor producer and the host of the Scoop Ice Cream Interview Show and Hashtag Single podcast where you can catch her helpful tips for acting and all things ice cream related and navigating the sometimes tumultuous New York City dating scene. Jeanette, thank you so much for being here.

Jeanette Bonner:

Thank you for having me, Lindsey. This is a lot of fun.

Lindsey:

I'm excited. So we've done some episodes on here about parenting in the pandemic and how challenging that's been for parents. I'm being one of them, especially mothers, but you are on the opposite end of that. And that being a single person in the pandemic, which I'm sure has not been easy either.

Jeanette:

It's so much fun. No, we talked about this on my podcast a lot. Obviously you can imagine that's been the number one thing that we've been talking about in most of the recent episodes is navigating being single during lockdown in a pandemic. And I really think the grass is always greener. It's certainly not easy. I think a lot of us have been struggling with loneliness and re-evaluating our lives and what we want to achieve, but feeling out of control in that situation. But at the same time I realized how blessed I am, because I hear these horror stories of my friends who are parents who are trying to work at the same time that they're trying to homeschool, at the same time that they're trying to babysit, at the same time that they're trying to just have a regular life. And that sounds exhausting.

Lindsey:

So what you're saying is that you watch my Instagram stories and then you're like, yes.

Jeanette:

That was you girl, but yes you. So I try to appreciate the fact that my time is mine. I have control of the remote. I get to decide what I'm eating for dinner and nobody gets to challenge me on that. And I'm not dealing with people that are asking me for my time when I'm trying to work or do my podcast or run my own life. So it's not good for anybody. I'm not going to lie. We can play a game about who has it better if you want to but-

Lindsey:

But I imagine, I mean, I'll be honest as lovely as being completely at alone at this point and being able to hear myself think sounds, I would imagine that it's also been really lonely for you. I mean, how are you doing?



Jeanette:

I think I've come around. Oh God, we're almost up on a year here. And so there's been waves of it. And I know that's true across the board, no matter your partnering or your single status or married status.

Jeanette:

But I was reading this phenomenal book recently by Rebecca Traister called All The Single Ladies. And there's a section in it called loneliness. And she said she was reading a New York Times article that talks about how the number one thing that singles complain about is being lonely. Right? It makes sense. But she was like loneliness is a human condition. Loneliness is actually something that everybody complains about in different ways. Being in a marriage or being in a partnership isn't necessarily a solution to being lonely. You can be lonely within that relationship. And sometimes people are lonelier because they find their friend group has diminished and they only have their one partner to turn to.

Jeanette:

And that can be a very isolating way to navigate the world. So I don't know for me, God, I mean the obvious answer is like Facebook, social media, right? I think it would have felt more lonely if we couldn't all immediately just pick up that little black box and reach out to a friend and say hi. At the beginning I was doing I would do FaceTime happy hours. I would try to do one a day or one every few days. Anyone that wanted to do one was 6:00 PM, get a drink, let's have a little FaceTime. That was really helpful. But I think as I've gotten used to, or more accustomed I should say to this scenario I think I've managed my expectations around connection and I'm more comfortable being by myself all day. But there were definitely some days where I realized I didn't use my voice all day, which is a really weird twisted human condition where you are just in your own mind the whole day, day after day, seven days a week. You know what I mean?

Lindsey:

That's a lot, that's really a lot.

Jeanette:

It's a lot, it's a lot to process.

Lindsey:

Yeah. I mean, I would imagine how have you been managing your stress and anxiety around that?

Jeanette:

At the beginning, I was just full on just cried when I needed to, which sounds maybe silly or simple, but I really do feel we as Americans have issues with expressing our true emotions and how we feel in the moment because of shame that society has placed on us around how we deal with emotion. A lot of women have been told that expressing emotion is a show of weakness, for example or being criticized for being "emotional."

Jeanette:

But I'm an actor. I was like this is good. This is good stuff. This is good exercise. So I would just be like I am having a moment I need to cry. Or I'm having a moment I need to take a walk. Or I'm having a moment, I'm a 40 year old woman and I fully called my parents and cried to them on the phone. But I think accepting how you really feel and being honest with it in the moment, instead of trying to suppress it is one way of coping with anxiety.

Lindsey:

Absolutely. And I mean I've heard from so many researchers that a really big important part of the stress cycle is crying. Is that release-

Jeanette:

Like a release, yeah.

Lindsey:

... Because you finally release all of those emotions. I have cried a lot in quarantine.

Jeanette:

Yeah.

Lindsey:

At this point, I don't know who hasn’t but I mean, I think you're right as Americans we're so taught to keep calm and carry on and you can't ever have a moment of emotional weakness. And if you do that is weakness and you as a person and you can't get a job because. It's a bad narrative. And what I'm wondering is it was some of the things I've seen during this time, which maybe is a good change, is that people seem to be a lot more willing to be vulnerable either on social media or picking up the phone and calling your parents and crying. I mean, that had to take some courage. I don't know if I would do that, that's not true I have done that. I have cried to mom.

Jeanette:

I'm lucky I have them as a resource, honest to God. It may feel a little belittling and demeaning to be like I still need my mom and dad when I'm 40. But then I think the alternate, which I'm God, I'm really grateful that I still have them and that they still want to hear that from me. They're not like buck up, go away. They're there for me which is a blessing.

Lindsey:

Right. Well, and you still have that connection. There's a lot of people who don't have that connection.

Jeanette:

So yeah, that's what I mean. Right. And I do think a lot of people's shame, especially with men showing an emotion comes from the way that their parents raised them to be their expectations of what it means to be an adult.

Jeanette:

So I'm very grateful that I don't have that. And maybe that's made me the person that I am, the exceptionally emotional person. But I agree with you. I've seen a shift on social media in tone and the amount of vulnerability that people are willing to share the depths of it. Some really devastating stories around COVID and lofts and death. I mean, I'm talking blog worth, sometimes you just scroll on through and then you see a five paragraph and you're like, well, something bad happened because I don't think people have the traditional outlets they do to process their emotions. And so what's left is, okay, I've got this forum of people that hopefully maybe will listen to me and at least send me a little emoji with a heart, maybe feel better, but it's something, it's better than just being in the void of your unhappiness.

Lindsey:

Well, and you're in New York City. I mean, you kind of were in the eye of the storm at the beginning of this whole thing. I mean, you've probably seen some really devastating stuff I would imagine.

Jeanette:

And still to this day, I mean, the beginning, I fortunately was not touched by any really sad stories, I was not touched by death. Friends' parents have died or are friends uncles and relatives. I've heard those stories, but my circle has been very fine. So I feel very fortunate that I have not experienced grief around COVID in that way, except in an empathetic way. But with New York, I don't know that I felt any sense of a grief around the city, except for the grief that we were all feeling. We are grieving the loss of our lives. And it was scary, which I think actually in retrospect was a really good thing because it made New Yorkers. We go into this kind of default mode because New York is not immune to tragedies. The most recent one in a lot of our memories was 9/11, right.

Jeanette:

Or I'm even thinking there was a huge hurricane where we lost power. And I remember everybody South of 14th Street lost power, in Manhattan. And people that did have power North of 14th Street even shops, they would go out and put a power strip on the sidewalks so people could charge their phones. And so there's this sort of emergency sense that we tap into of I got to help my neighbor. It's a tragedy.

Jeanette:

I think, I don't know how else to explain that aside from there's this communal feeling in New York of we're all in this shit together. And I do feel that was present in New York. So I don't know that there was a collective grieving, but there was a collective sense of we're in it. We're going to get through it. Well, let's help each other. Let's do what we can. I do think having had that reaction early on made us a little better in terms of the country, in terms of preparation and behavior and looking out for your neighbor and self-responsibility for wearing a mask, for example.

Lindsey:

I think that is so true and something that is truly unique to New Yorkers is that you guys really... I mean, for such a large city, you guys have this amazing comradely when bad things happen.

Jeanette:

Yeah. It's weird. Right? I love it.

Lindsey:

It's inspirational. I wish us Californians could get on the same page, but I'm wondering if it's because our state is so big that we lose touch with everybody else. But that's something that's truly inspirational every time something bad. I hate to say that, but every time something bad happens you guys really rally together.

Jeanette:

We look ready for it. Yeah.

Lindsey:

Yeah.

Jeanette:

Yeah. We're almost better people once.

Lindsey:

You guys are jerks all the rest of the time, but-

Jeanette:

Everyone's self-centered and then something shitty happens and you're like, oh yeah, let me not close the door in front of the face of the person behind me, let me [inaudible 00:12:06]. But it's all the in tragedy, the rest of the time you're on your own.



Lindsey:

So, I mean, in addition to having to navigate this pandemic just in New York, in a city that got hit really hard from it, you're also single and having to navigate that and trying to connect with people. And I would imagine still wanting to date and find people. I read a hilarious piece in the New Yorker, I think I sent it to you about dating during the pandemic, being a Jane Austen novel. So, I mean, have you found Mr. Darcy?

Jeanette:

Spoiler, no. People ask me all the time, they're like Jeanette what happens when you're no longer a single, what are you going to do with the podcast? And I was like, I'm not worried about it. If we were close to that potential, that possibility we could talk about this, but there's no leads. So I think we're okay.

Lindsey:

I'm really ready for considerate laundry man to come through.

Jeanette:

Oh my God, wait, should we say this story? Because people don't know what you're talking about.

Lindsey:

Yes, absolutely.

Jeanette:

So love it, that it has a name, consider a laundry mam. I'm a night owl and I live alone obviously, and I'm single. So I've done my own schedule during lockdown. I've loved it, but I understand if I partner with someone, it might be weird in the future. So I'm talking like it might be 10:30 or 11 o'clock at night, and I might be like, hmm, I might start exercising. So I was doing my laundry at 10:00 one night because what else do you do at 10 o'clock?

Lindsey:

Oh, I'm sleeping, Jeanette.

Jeanette:

You go to sleep. I'm 100% not sleeping at 10 o'clock. I'm like what should I do? I bake cookies. I bake breads and pies. That's my time. So I was doing my laundry and I passed my downstairs neighbor on the stairs and I smell them but we're wearing masks so have a moment passes.

Jeanette:

The next morning I went to leave my apartment and on my door knob was the tiniest little Rite Aid bag. The one they put prescriptions in. And in it was a navy blue thong. And I was like what the hell is this shit? Oh, sorry. I forgot to ask you if we could... My show's explicit. So I forget that I need to. What the hell is this stuff? Blaze you can fix that one. What the hell is this? So is hell a curse. Gosh.

Lindsey:

It's fine, just let it go. It's all good.

Jeanette:

At this point. What is this? So I look I realize it's one of mine. Thank God. And I get a text a couple hours later and it's my downstairs neighbor. I don't know how he got my number, I don't remember except I did have a house warming party when I first moved into the apartment. It was just five years ago and I was trying to be considerate. So I knew there'd be a lot of people walking, it shouldn't be 15 people here with shoes on. So I got a bottle of wine from Trader Joe's and I put one in front of the door downstairs and I put one in front of my neighbors next door with little note says like, "Hey, I'm having people over just like thanks for the inconvenience." And I think he thought it was an invitation. So we're here. We are at my house warming party and I got a knock on the door and we're like, "Who is that?"

Jeanette:

So I open the door and he's like, "Hi, I'm your downstairs neighbor, Jamie." And he's holding the bottle of wine. I was like, oh, and he's holding on the other end he has a bag of empanadas. So I was like, "Welcome. Come on in." All my friends are, "Who is this?" And I'm like, "I don't know." But we are very grateful he bought empanadas. They were quite delicious.

Jeanette:

So I'm wondering if I potentially gave him my number at that party. I don't know how he still has it in his phone regardless. So he texted me and he's like, "Hi, it's Jamie and your downstairs neighbor. I noticed you and I were the only people doing late laundry late last night. So I saw a lady's thong." I don't remember if he saw a thong or just ladies laundry left and I assumed it was yours. And I'm okay, well, on one hand I think it's really nice that you would take something that belongs to someone and return it to them in a respectful way. On the other hand I would have liked to be just texted me and be like, "Hey, you left something downstairs." Instead of picking up my thong, finding a plastic bag board and putting it on my door knob.

Jeanette:

I had to wash it again, obviously because I was like, I don't know, your hands are on it. Right. So I thought this story was equally creepy and hilarious, which is my favorite kind of story. So I shared it on Facebook and everyone started rooting for me to start dating this guy. Just like an absurd jump but-

Lindsey:

I mean, it's New York City crazier things have happened.

Jeanette:

I know, I think people love a meet cute, my God. They met by collecting her thong. But then the plot twist was a couple of weeks later I was working out at 11 o'clock at night. And I was doing jumping jacks in the living room, which I thought was fine because I assumed my downstairs neighbors would be sleeping in the bedroom, NBD. Right. And I get a little knock on the door and a little piece of paper slipped under there and it's this pink stationery and this lady's handwriting. And she says, my daughter is sleeping. Please try to find a different time to exercise. And I was like, "Oh, he's married. And he has a kid I guess, or." But then a couple of weeks later I got another text from him. He was like, "Hey, hope you haven't left any more thongs in the laundry room just saying hi," or something like that.

Jeanette:

It was like, I'm getting mixed messages here. So anyway, now everyone knows, that's considerate.

Lindsey:

These are all the kinds of stories that you can find-

Jeanette:

It's our neighbor.

Lindsey:

... Find on Hashtag Single podcast.



Jeanette:

We don't talk about my intimate apparel. We talk about other people's horrible dating stories. But yes, yes. Nothing is off limits. Okay, so back to your original question, I think you're just asking me-

Lindsey:

I was asking you.

Jeanette:

What's the sitch, what's the update?

Lindsey:

It's all good. Yeah. What's the update. Are you seeing anybody? How's that been?

Jeanette:

No. Am sort of in this roulette game of dating, I guess you could call it on apps, which is where you match with people and then you start a conversation and it goes for three or four rounds and then people get bored and they disappear. And so it's a lot of, hey, how was your day? How are you doing. Hey, what's up? How's your day going? What are you doing this weekend? So it's just a little exhausting in the cyclicalness. It doesn't necessarily feel people really want to meet, but they're just looking for a bomb or even a stop gap in the moment when they're lonely and they're sitting on their couch and it's Friday night, you just sort of reach out to someone on an app, but it's hard to gauge.

Lindsey:

Do you think they don't want to meet because of COVID. Do you think that's been the obstacle with connecting with people and meeting people in person?

Jeanette:

I think that makes it harder because people are confused about, and maybe you can still meet. You could invite me for a walk or let's go get a coffee outside. I've had a couple, not a lot of in-person dates. I just think that I don't know how serious people are about dating right now, because either they're getting dissuaded or that's not the right word, but they're getting disappointed about about meeting. It's not the same as like, hey, let's just grab a drink after work on Friday. It's there's so much more intention and weight to it to ask me out to make sure we do it safely. How are we going to make this work? Where are we going to go? Are we going to wear masks? Are we going to wear our masks? So I think-

Lindsey:

It's very Jane Austin, very pride and prejudice.

Jeanette:

100% adapt that to COVID. There was that book, who was like.

Lindsey:

Oh, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

Jeanette:

With Zombies.

Lindsey:

We have it.



Jeanette:

Yeah, excellent. But like COVID style. If you're listening, please write that book I'll buy it. Yeah. So I've been struggling with that cycle a lot from what it sounds in general from the guests that I interview on my podcasts. A lot of people are not doing as much dating as they used to in the way you might. Like I said, meet up with someone for drinks after work on Friday, really casually, really easily. And now maybe you're going on a FaceTime date every two weeks or something.

Lindsey:

Well, it's really hard emotionally, I bet. That's tough to digest after a while. I would think that it would be hard.

Jeanette:

Yeah. What's hard is something that people always say to me and I'll take it as a compliment. It's a little bit of a strange compliment that people are always, like I admire the way that you continue to put yourself out there to date, even though you're having a hard time or it's been shitty. They're like either I'm delusional or I am just, I don't want to say hopeful or romantic, but I'm definitely of the personality type that, if you don't do anything about it, it's not going to change. So if this is a situation that I don't feel comfortable in being single, want a partner, something like that or looking for companionship, then I have to put in the work. But yeah, it's exhausting and it's hard to continually start the cycle back up again, get the energy to be like, okay, let's go on the app and find some new matches and start the whole, hey, how are you again?

Lindsey:

But that is brave. That is so brave. I mean, I think for you and what other choice... I mean, you could make the other choice of I'm just going to give up, I'm just going to get a cat and a plan and call it a day.

Jeanette:

Yeah. I don't think people necessarily give up. I think that's an extreme phrase, but I think people take long breaks. Because a lot of the content that we talk about on the podcast is why the apps don't work. And it seems to be universally across the board that they don't seem to be working for people. There's a breakdown in communication. This is not the right way to meet people. And why isn't that working properly?

Lindsey:

Why isn't it? I mean, what's your take on that?

Jeanette:

I think a lot of it has to do with what social media culture has done to us on a base level. The immediacy of expectation just in texting people. I think about this. Okay. So when I was in high school or when I was in college or in my 20s, you could call your friend, leave a voicemail and then go do something else and be cool with your day. And eventually three to four hours, your friends would get back to you or guys I'd be dating would get back to me, but I didn't have the anxiety of three hours has gone by and I haven't heard from this person. You know what I mean? We were just wired differently in our expectation of response and more comfortable with waiting, I think, and also being alone I think.

Jeanette:

I mean, the fact that there's a term for it. The term I'm thinking is ghosting, but a lot of people think they're being ghosted, even if it just means that someone hasn't gone back to them for two days and then they'll pop up. This happens my friend, Jessica, all the time. She's says “I think I'm being ghosted.” And then two hours later, she'll be “just kidding I just heard from him.” And I'm like, well, that's exhausting. You just went through this emotional anxiety of like, oh God, this guy's just going to ignore me, that sucks. And then being like, okay, actually we're going on a date, that yo-yo.

Jeanette:

So that immediacy I think built into our social media culture has kind of ruined dating a little bit. And also the perceived sense that there's always going to be 20,000 other matches. So yeah, I'll talk to this person till I get bored, but when I get bored of them, huh, I'll go back on the app and match with 20 other people tonight, that never ending selection process makes people not commit at all, or make an effort to actually spend time with someone.

Lindsey:

I think you should lead a revolution against the app dating scene and make people. I mean, once all this weird alternate reality that we're living in is over and everybody's vaccinated and it's safe to do so again, but that's so true. I mean, this immediacy you're talking about, it's not just in social media. I mean, my God, I can get an Amazon package to my house in two days.

Jeanette:

Totally, right.

Lindsey:

It's we have this culture of instant gratification and it just trickles down from social media to Amazon all these things. I can get DoorDash, all this stuff. I think you're right. It is just ruining people's ability to be able to connect on a deep level with other people. Do you think that the pandemic will permanently change some of the things about dating? Or do you think that this is just like the status quo? It's going to get worse going forward?

Jeanette:

I don't think it's going to get worse. So there's a couple things that I feel are really significant. One, as I think single people got real real about how single there are. Meaning you can be in New York City and be single and having a grand old life and not get too down about it. There's always something going on. There's friends, you're busy, you're bouncing around, you're meeting people, you're dating, whatever. But then now that people had to come to terms with sitting in their apartment with only their own company, I think that hit them hard of wait a minute. What exactly am I doing with my life? What is it I want? So I do think there's been a mindset shift too for the better. People who are maybe less serious are okay, maybe I want to become a little bit more serious.

Jeanette:

Secondly I have found that I'm kind of into the FaceTime screening. I feel like I spent a lot of time going on dates with people just because I was available. So I'd be what are you doing for Thursday night? Nothing, let's meet up. Just super casual without being like I actually want to meet this person.

Jeanette:

So I've kind of enjoyed this necessary screening processes, but like no, no, let's have a FaceTime first because a couple of people I've had FaceTime with it, I'm like, no I'm good. So I'm glad I didn't waste 30 bucks on a cocktail.

Lindsey:

On a cocktail.

Jeanette:

On two cocktails. And two hours of my time which before I hadn't really think seriously about, but they might start thinking more seriously about that. So I have noticed those shifts and I do think thirdly, that once the world opens back up again, I mean, it is going to be the 1920s.



Jeanette:

I think people it's going to be crazy. I think people are going to be excited to go on dates and to meet and to do in-person events, in person dating events, I think are going to be exceptionally popular. I think there's going to be a lot more people I'm hoping when you go to a bar whose faces aren't in our phone, because I will notice... I have noticed this, this is so interesting. My street is closed for a New York initiative called Open Streets. There were in the spring of last year, they were afraid of overcrowding in the parks, make sense. There's a lot of kids in my neighborhood and you can't keep kids in doors all day. So instead of just having everybody go to the park, my street which is what the park is on, they closed it down from 8:00 to 8:00 every day.

Jeanette:

And they've cut that even through the winter and right around in the summertime, there were more people obviously, but right around five o'clock, six o'clock. I noticed everybody would go outside. People were taking walks. People were riding their bikes, kids were doing chalk on the streets, hopscotch. It was a return to old times, no one's on phones. No one's on devices. No one was on machines. The kids were riding bikes. I saw some teenagers playing volleyball. And I was like I haven't seen a group playing volleyball in the park for a long time. So I think there's going to be an appreciation for putting the phone away when you're in person. And I'm hoping that means when you go to a bar people's eyes lift up and then you look around the room because that was the problem before is that you go to a bar they're probably 50% singles there, but no one's looking around. People are just looking at this. So even if you're trying to catch the eye of a stranger, you'd have to literally go to someone and like excuse me, can I sit here? You know what I mean?

Jeanette:

Make someone lift their head up and then they're like, yeah, good. So anyway I think those three are the big shifts.

Lindsey:

It is really interesting to me how we've created all this technology to better connect with people and in doing so I think it's really damaged our ability to connect with people.

Jeanette:

Oh yeah. I agree. I'm really, really interested to see how this generation. I'm talking the kids of COVID, it's a weird thing to say, but you know what I mean? What kind of adults they turn into?

Lindsey:

I've got two of them at home right now. I mean, I'm constantly thinking my God, what kind of people are they going to be? It was interesting how we had a socially distance play date yesterday with some friends and this doesn't happen very often. We have a socially distance play date. I don't know, maybe once every two or three weeks. And all masked and outdoors, but they can't be inside. They can't be with screens because they can't be in close proximity. And so they're now digging in the dirt. They literally spent like three hours digging for grubs in the dirt and getting filthy and they had the best time. And it's what you said it is just this return to older, less complicated days. Yeah. It'll be interesting to see how they turn out as adults. And if there's a backlash with technology.

Jeanette:

That would be a really interesting reverse of what we were expecting this generation to become. Wally essentially. But what if this generation, this up and coming generation we don't have a letter or a number for them yet, but whatever comes after X, gen Y, no, we already did that.

Lindsey:

We already did that.

Jeanette:

Gen A, I don't know. If their value system is more outdoor time.

Lindsey:

So in addition to having to navigate all of this as a single person, living in New York you're also an actor. And so I would imagine with everything being shut down, that that's also really challenging as well. How do you maintain an acting career in a time when we can't go to theaters or plays?

Jeanette:

Well, you don't really, I mean, there's nothing to act in. I think the community of actors has been hit hard, but a lot of really deep questions of if I can't do this, who am I, and what do I do? And you pivot or you die. That's really all it comes down to.

Jeanette:

I did a film with a former New York City principal, ballet dancer, Robbie Fairchild and pre-pandemic he was in cats and he was doing a lot of work and film and dance film. And he founded a flower company. And he's employing prior Broadway stars or I guess furloughed Broadway stars who also happened to have a love of flowers. So it's about getting creative right now. I'm really grateful that I have a podcast as an outlet.

Jeanette:

My friend Shara created a YouTube series comedy series where she just had her friends. I hosted one episode and people would do... It was called The Homemade Sketch Show and you would just do sketches in your apartment. It was a homemade SNL, you'd put on your own costumes or whatever. And then halfway through the show she'd have a musician on a piano doing a song or whatever. And I had a couple of films make quarantine films, which is to say that they made films with their roommates using the skills they had, you're the editor. Okay. I know how to film. I've got a camera. You're an actor you act so listen, none of us are getting paid. That's the bottom line, but I think people have found ways to at least stay a little creative?

Lindsey:

Well, and that's so important, I think probably for your mental health and being able to still participate in that outlet.

Jeanette:

Yeah. And then I've had friends that are fully just checked out either left New York City. My friend Brian started working as a handyman and he's like I don't see the point in trying to create self-tapes right now for Zoom theater, readings online content. He's like I'm going to wait until it gets back to normal and until then I'm going to do something else. So I don't know, there's not really one way to answer that question. I've leaned heavily on producing and even then I haven't been producing the way I really produced, but just in the way that I have a podcast or I made a short little quarantine film with my friend Kat seven people made it for $1,500 just to have something to show for 2020. And it's whatever scraps you have, but it really has come down to being able to pivot. And a lot of people have not been able to pivot.

Lindsey:

What has been your favorite project that you've tried to work on during this time? Do you have one or one that sticks out to you?

Jeanette:

The podcast is the first thing that comes to mind because I feel I've spent a lot of time this year, really focusing on taking it from okay, well I have this thing and I made this thing, but what am I doing with this thing? And trying to figure out how to grow it, I'm doing a lot of online webinars about marketing, audience, Instagram, God help me, sponsorship. So I feel there's just a wealth to learn about it. I'm a very growth driven person. I always content constantly want to be learning. And so it seems a lot of space to keep learning about podcasting and getting better at it from where I was. So I feel I've grown it a lot in the last couple of months, and I'm pretty proud of that considering where I started coming in here, not knowing what I was doing.

Jeanette:

And I've gotten to a place where I'm like I think I'm proud of it, I'll just say that. I returned to writing not as much as I could be doing, but I wrote that short script and I wrote a play called disaster about "dystopian" future where a nuclear bomb goes off in New York City, which is based on an article I read in the New York Times, which I was like you can't just put that article. It was New York Magazine, but I was just turning the pages. And I was, oh, what would happen to New York if there's a nuclear bomb? You're like, oh. So I wrote a play based on that and submitted it around and wrote a pilot and submitted it around too. So I guess the thing I've been most proud of creatively, this was not exactly your question, but just the fact that I've come up with ways to remain creative and productive during this time and not just sort of woken up in a state of existential crisis.

Lindsey:

Well, and I think it really speaks to you as a person too. I mean, going back to what you were saying with dating if you just sit around waiting for something to happen, it's not going to happen. You have to make it happen yourself and you do that and that's commendable. And I think you have pivoted and you have all of these projects, The Scoop and Hashtag Single, your plays really speaks to her resiliency that you should be immensely proud of.

Jeanette:

Thank you.

Lindsey:

Not everybody can do that.

Jeanette:

That means a lot to me to hear you say that. As we've been talking about waking up day after day when you're your own company it's hard to be able to know that anything that you're spending your time doing matters except as a way to kill time. So I appreciate that you think it's commendable in that way?

Lindsey:

Well, I think you're an incredibly talented human and that was part of the reason I wanted to have you on this podcast, because I personally live for all of your hashtags single posts. And that people like the considerate laundry man.

Jeanette:

We do not know is single or not.

Lindsey:

It's a mystery.

Jeanette:

Yes. Keeps it exciting.



Lindsey:

Jeanette, I'm really glad that we got to have you out to talk today. And I know we talked about your resiliency and the way that you've pivoted both in your love life with COVID and with your career. And so do you have any advice that you'd give people right now who are hustling to maintain their careers and their love lives or?

Jeanette:

Oh gosh. I mean, I'm the last person to give advice, because every day is a struggle just like everybody else. For me, one of the things that really helped me cope was figuring out my why. So when you're sitting in front of a computer and you're like I have to answer these emails, do I have to answer these emails? Does anyone care? Can I just go back in bed? Who cares that I'm awake right now? That kind of despondency around being in lockdown. I had to figure out why do I do everything every day? You don't have to work out. But when I figured out I like working out because I like feeling strong. And when I feel strong, I feel like I can get through anything. So that's motivated me to keep working out, for example. And I like answering my emails because I like hearing back from people.

Jeanette:

I like connecting with people and communicating. So if I can think about the reason why I'm doing it in the first place what does it serve me? How does it serve me? How does it fill me? That's helped me. And I think anyone who's dealing with anxiety or career struggles, everything comes back to love. What's the thing you love about it, or just love in general. Probably when you want to strangle your family why do I make dinner for them because I love them. Or why am I doing this crazy career? I love it. So I think that's a tough thing for people who are maybe not artists to start thinking through, but you got time on your hands. So start journaling and take some alone time and really think through the reason why we do things.

Lindsey:

Such good advice. If people want to reach out to you, where should they go, Jeanette?

Jeanette:

Oh, you mean are they single and hot and they want to date me.

Lindsey:

You want acting advice or career.

Jeanette:

But, yeah, not exactly.

Lindsey:

Swipe left.Is that right?

Jeanette:

I don't know. Well, I'll tell you, so if you're interested in the podcast, two offers, first of all you can find it on most if not all of the podcast apps, you just have to spell out the word Hashtag, it's called Hashtag Single, but spell out the word hashtag otherwise the computer brain thinks you're for looking for our tag.

Jeanette:

So Hashtag Single, and you'll be able to find it. If you want to join us on Instagram, we're @HashtagSinglePod. Me as a human being, most of the things are interconnected, but I'm @JeanetteEBonner on Instagram. And I also have a production company called Kelly's Pool Hall Production, @Kellyspoolhall on Instagram. This is my main point of contact, I think, Instagram these days.

Jeanette:

But the other offer, I was going to say, if any of your listeners are single, every other episode that I publish is an interview with another single woman, sexual orientation doesn't matter. It's just talking about real women and their real experiences of being single. So if anyone is interested about talking about their love lives on any point, we don't have to like get into the dirt about it, but we can have a full episode on loneliness or Tinder, whatever people want to talk about. Yeah, please DM me. Please reach out, I'd love to talk to you.

Lindsey:

Well, also have all of Jeanette's contact information featured on our website at peakconnection.net, as well as in our show notes. You've been listening to Peak Connection with our guest today Jeanette Bonner. She's an actor, producer, and host of the Scoop Ice Cream Interview Show and Hashtag Single podcast. If you're enjoying the content on Peak Connection, we encourage you to leave us a positive review wherever you get your podcasts and help us spread the word about the importance of human connection in our daily lives. I'm your host Lindsey Douros. And until next time, stay healthy, keep learning and seeking meaningful connections every day.