Hi, everybody. I'm back. It's taken me yeah . A little bit longer to record this next episode than I had hoped. Um , needless to say, the last several weeks have been a little bit of a whirlwind. Um, I had my surgery , um , my bilateral mastectomy on , um, the 14th and , um, you know, I guess, yeah , I guess I would say overall, it went pretty well. Um, but you know, going through all this healthcare medical stuff during COVID is a real, real challenge for people. And, you know, it was definitely , um, harder because of that, you know, think about going to surgery and you, you can't really have a family member with you pre-op and you can't have a family member with you post op . And so that definitely made it harder. Um, but you know, I got through it. Um, I was, I was kinda nervous going in, but I think also, you know, just kind of relieved at the anticipation of going through it was, was over and now it was finally happening. So that was good. Um, but it's no , it's a very surreal experience and you know, the surgery, I definitely the easiest part like you, one minute you're awake , uh , and one minute you're asleep, but then you're awake again. And that was pretty much my recollection. I unfortunately woke up from surgery, feeling really nauseous and dizzy. And so I spent about four hours in post-op . Now, also mind you, this was like, this was like a five hour surgery and they send you home that day, which I know is a little mind boggling . Um, I think, I think they started doing it initially because of COVID or though maybe even pre COVID, they started doing it, but definitely during COVID they really try to get people out if they can. And , um, they really just kind of send you on your way. I mean, I think if you put up a fight or you really feel like you can't go for whatever reason or if there's concerns, of course they keep you. But , um, I was pretty nauseous and dizzy and ended up getting one of those patches. They put behind your ear, which helped a lot. But when Jonathan came to pick me up, cause literally like they can't come see you after surgery, it's literally like they pulled the car up and they , they put you in. Jonathan says I looked a little green. I'm sure I did. Um, so , uh, you know, that was, that was , uh , a little unfortunate. And I think like the biggest challenge after my surgery was in those first few days, shockingly, the pain wasn't horrible. I pretty tolerable with like Tylenol and Advil, but the anesthesia really messes with you. I mean, everything like my dizziness to taste in your mouth. I don't know if that's the anesthesia, the antibiotics they give you through the Ivy. Um, your head just feels foggy and cloudy, and that really takes a few days to get out of your system. And I hadn't really anticipated that. I'd never had surgery before. So this was really my first experience. Um, I'm sorry to say it was actually , uh, only my first in the past two weeks, I ended up unfortunately needing a second surgery about 10 days after the , um, the first, because I'd had developed some hematomas and some swelling and I'm told that it wasn't awful, but that, you know, going in and cleaning them out would be, make me much more comfortable. So I ended up having a second surgery. Um, I forgot what it was. It was about, well, right now it's about 10 days ago from now. So 10 days after the Forrest and about 10 days , uh , it was about 10 days ago. Today is the 2nd of November. So that was a bummer. It was really disappointed to have to go back to the Orr . And that was also not a sore short surgery. I'm not entirely sure why, cause they said it wasn't like it was that bad, but I was still in the, or for about four hours. Um, so that just takes a lot out of you. And um, it's taken, you know, a few days to definitely get back to, I don't know, some version of feeling normal. I'm happy to say that I am feeling a little bit better each day. Um, you know, there's just, there is a lot of, I wouldn't even call it pain, but it's definitely like a lot of discomfort. And I just think that as I'm hearing and learning from people who have been through it, it just takes a while and it takes time. And so I'm really trying hard to be patient and , um, not overdo it and understand that it's just going to kind of be this way for a little while, but on a positive note, like I'm able to go for short walks now. Um, I can't do a lot, but I can do that. And I'm, you know , definitely feeling more like myself. So, so that's the good news. Um, I've had so much, you know , love and support from friends and family, which has been great. Um, it's funny how that's a little overwhelming too though. Like people want to bring dinner and food and drop off gifts and all of it is awesome and it's, it's much appreciated and it's much needed. Um, but it's funny how that in and of itself , um, can be a little overwhelming cause like there's a part of you that feels like, Oh my God, if everyone's like doing this for me, I, this must be really, so you have to remember and keep it in perspective that no people just want to help other people during Tufts and that's important , um, to do. And it's important to accept when you need it. So I'm really trying hard to remind myself of that. It's never been my strength to ask for help or accept help. Um, but I, I am trying to really do that now because you know who doesn't go through a time in life where they , they need that. And so, so I'm , I'm grateful for it and I'm , I'm so lucky to have the support that I do. So that's been good. Um, what else? I don't know my treatment plan yet, but I know that there will be a need for more treatment. I do know that, you know, they look at, they look at the cancer that they took out , um, and they evaluated and they make a decision based on that and what they know about it to help define, you know, your course of treatment. And , um, you know, what I've come to really learn is, and understand is that, you know, they, they, they took the cancer out, but they want to make sure that they limit it , the op the opportunities for it to come back. And so future treatment is really like an insurance policy. So I do expect to need some version of chemo, radiation, or potentially a third surgery. I'm really hoping not to need all three, but I am preparing myself to need two out of the three. Um , and again, while it's going to suck to go through , um, you know, I know it's just basically that added protection. So, you know, it is what it is and I am going to do what I need to do. And , um, you know, I guess as that becomes more clear , um, you know, it'll become easier to wrap my head around, but , um, you know, I feel lucky to have such great healthcare . Um, and , um, yeah, so, so that is kinda what we've been dealing with. I'm so, so lucky that Jonathan was able to have , um, the last couple of weeks off from work, which was a godsend , um, because I physically needed the help, but I actually really just mentally having him around was really, really important for me. Um, and so that has been great. And, you know, it's funny we, I go through the days where I wake up, but I , I feel pretty good and I'm feeling pretty strong and as day goes on, like mentally and physically, I just wear down by like four or five. O'clock like, I'm like , uh , God. And so he's like my, you know, my it's that time of day, you always feel this way at this time of day. So that's, you know, been good to have him around to kind of like keep it all in perspective. And I feel really, really grateful for that. And I think the kids are hanging in there and , um, you know, it's also, it's just a tough time for everybody with COVID , uh , numbers going up again. And, you know, it does make me a little mad because I don't think it had to be this way. And as somebody going through medical issues now and seeing the impact that COVID has on that, like if you don't already wear a mask put on your mask, because there are people out there like me who , um, you know, are going through this or worse and we need to protect each other, we need to be there for each other. This is not a time to be selfish. So hopefully everybody's doing what they need to do and doing it. It's also the day before the election. And I'm really trying to stay away from the news as best I can for my mental health. Um, I am, you know, not sure what to expect. I guess I'm kind of preparing myself for the worst, not because I'm trying to be doom and gloom, but I think I'm just trying to like, you know, I think that's kind of my coping mechanism at this point that if I can just prepare myself for the worst, I won't, you know , fall apart, I think one way or the other after the results come out, there will be tears, not sure which what the reason for those tears will be remain to be determined. But , um, there's a lot riding on this , um, election. And , uh , for me, it's, it's not about politics. Um, it's not about, you know, Republican Democrat for me, this election is about right and wrong and living in a country where we want to take care of each other and create, you know, communities that support each other. And , um, if you agree with that, then I personally believe there's only one choice, but I'll try not to get too political on you, but it's a big day if you haven't voted vote, every vote matters. And , um , once again, thanks for listening. I am hanging in there and I'm going to be okay. Um, and I'm going to get through this and it's just gonna maybe co co a little bit along the way, but , um, but, but unfortunately millions and millions of women have done it and do it. And , um, and so Y so anyway , um, thanks for listening. And , uh, hopefully I'll have another update in a week or so.