Round three in Patrick and Andrea's festive tournament features a holiday visit to the small towns of St. Martinville, Snow Falls, Idyllwild and Nelson Creek:
Our theme music:
Christmas Rap by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3505-christmas-rap
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Round three in Patrick and Andrea's festive tournament features a holiday visit to the small towns of St. Martinville, Snow Falls, Idyllwild and Nelson Creek:
Our theme music:
Christmas Rap by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3505-christmas-rap
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/
Andrea: Hello and welcome to let it stream. I'm Andrea.
Patrick: And I'm Patrick.
Andrea: And together we are putting 16 holiday romance films against each other in a festive tournament to determine which straight to TV release reigns Supreme.
Patrick: And for our third episode, we are escaping the cold and unfeeling confines of the big city and heading back home to St. Martinville, snow falls, Idlewild and Nelson Creek today's round features for small town holiday romances. Christmas on the Bayou, the Christmas inheritance, naughty and nice. And the Christmas calendar.
Do you want to , lead us into our first one?
Christmas on the Bayou
Andrea: Absolutely. Are you ready to go down to Dubai? You Patrick.
Patrick: I think so.
Andrea: Alright, so Christmas on the Bayou is a 2013 lifetime film. and this is the, I am DB description. A divorced workaholic. Executive goes back to her hometown to spend Christmas with her son and mother through a rekindled romance and a small miracle. She [00:01:00] discovers where her heart truly belongs. Uh, and the, key words I am to be keywords for this. The top keywords are Christmas romance, New York city, New York. Divorced woman, single man relationship, single mother and mother son relationship. which covers quite a bit of the film, but fails to capture the key part of the film, which is Dubai. You.
so yeah, so this is , um,
Okay. With apologies to our listeners who have agreed to go on this journey with us. I am so tired. and this , this small town bracket is challenging me in a real way. So, okay. Here's what happens in Christmas, on the Bayou? Um, the big city, single mom. Is pressured to work on Christmas, drives home to St. Martinville, Louisiana. Outside of Baton Rouge. goes back to stay on her. Family's big by [00:02:00] you side home , um, with her son where she and her mom have a series of passive aggressive exchanges about how she should just move home. the, the boy next door from when she was a child , they, they almost had a romance when they were like approximately five years old. I don't understand. I don't know how old children are, but they look young. I'm
Patrick: we get like, like a one little link Nicholas Sparks, flashback
Andrea: Yes. anyway, so that little boy grew up to be, uh , uh, Louisiana park ranger. the, he befriends the sun in like a way that is. I mean, I don't know. I don't have kids. It seems inappropriate to me, not in a creepy way, but in like a, I'm getting way too close to this eight year olds too quickly with designs on his mom sort of thing. But. We're meant to, read it as charming, I think, anyway, the kid. befriends the little girl next door. Who's extremely fucking cute. And she wears a little angel costume. and he also the friends Pere Noel, Papa [00:03:00] Noel played by ed Asner, who fucking bangs in this movie. And, does some magical shit with Pernod. Well, Uh, nearly drowns, but also is somehow never shown actually in the water. there's a pageant at the end and the mom, rejects and then accepts the Louisiana park ranger next door. and agrees to stay in town because apparently her life's dream was to do marketing for one of the stores on the square, which is BT dubs owned by Randy Quip. I almost said, Randy Quaid, Randy, Travis.
Patrick: Would have been a pretty different movie.
Andrea: yeah, apart from the fact that Santa the, of that Pernod well storyline, There is, I would say nothing interesting about this movie.
Patrick: They spent a lot of time talking about alligators and there is not an alligator
Andrea: There is nary a Gator in this film. Uh, it is a major problem. Patrick, what did this film teach you about the [00:04:00] holidays?
Patrick: if I happen to own a small town shop, I could just kill it by stocking it up with Christmas stuff and selling it to tourists.
it was like instantaneous the moment that, that she told Randy Travis, Hey, like maybe sell a Christmas tree in here. that was just, it was like some super Yelpers came in and just blew the place up.
Andrea: Well, she got, she got him on Twitter though, too.
Patrick: That's right. It was Twitter specifically.
Yeah.
Uh, what did it teach you about the holidays?
Andrea: I didn't learn anything about the holidays, except for that. Santa Claus is a real person who lives in St. Martinville, Louisiana. Which I guess is valuable information. I didn't know that before. did you think this was a good movie, Patrick?
Patrick: no, like from the start, I think we were both, appreciating that it was shot on location, you know? That was pretty cool. but no, it was not good. The writing was, was very clunky and also where the movie wound up was just really, it was pretty crummy. I she's like talking the whole time about how she loves her career And like in an instant. Abandons it because, her [00:05:00] son likes playing soccer with the park ranger.
The, the tone of the movie was not like that she had made this decision, but that she had realized the only one good decision to make was to, small town, normal plane guy to marry who likes her kid and make mom happy.
Andrea: , I think, I think that's precisely, right? This, the distinction you're making between a realization that there was only one true life for her ever with the park ranger and mama. Versus the like journey of self-discovery. Of like, there are elements of this New York city thing that I don't love. My kid is unhappy here. I feel pulled in a few directions. You know, let's go home for the holidays and see how it feels. And then maybe like consider. , you know, whatever, right? Like where it's, where the way a normal fucking person would make a decision, I guess. Um, and also like, as a person who has made that decision, I mean, I didn't make the exact decision that this mother made. Cause I don't have any kids, but like, Aye. Went to New York city and [00:06:00] thought I would live there for the rest of my life and be the big schmancy career lady and whatever in like I di I didn't like it. I moved back to Texas where I am from. To Live this other, but slick similar, but not, Giant pond life. And I'm very happy with it, but like, I don't , like, I feel like I should see something of my decision-making. Reflected in a film like this. And I don't, it doesn't feel anything like the decision that I went through when I decided not to live the. The coastal life and to come back to my home state.
Patrick: Right. Then there was a moment for me and probably for you when the writing just completely jumped, the shark was the, Caleb shows up on our front door, with a present for Zach. I think he, he went into the Walmart and got Zach the iPad that he
Andrea: Uh, huh.
Patrick: she couldn't get in New York. And she doesn't say, thanks for the iPad. That was really thoughtful. Or like, I'm sorry that we've been fighting. She says you are such a good man, Caleb.
[00:07:00] Andrea: Yeah. and like the, the acting was so overwrought just on that. Like the, her performance of that line. You're a really good man, Caleb. Like she may as well have just had her whole balls in her mouth when she was saying it. It was, it was so disgusting. And like he just bought her kid a fucking iPad, which is frankly, a pretty manipulative present to get somebody who you're in a fight
Patrick: Absolutely.
Andrea: Okay. Did you enjoy the movie, Patrick?
Patrick: I saved this for me, Randy, Travis, a little bit, but , um, you know, like Randy, Travis was like, it's fun to see Randy Travis in this movie. I wouldn't say that he brought in anything. He didn't even get to sing, you know, that would have been kind of fun. but man, ed Asner was like in his own movie here in a good way, you know, it's not his first Santa.
So it was like this, this is like a really solid entry into the Pantheon of ed Asner Santa's performances. This was something different, you know, he's the, he's the, only, kind of affectless. you know, porch sitting by you, old codger, making [00:08:00] toys for everybody and knows everything, but nobody seems to care.
he stole the show here to me. but I'm going to say, yeah, I didn't enjoy the film, but I enjoyed, that performance.
Andrea: Agree. I thought asthma was great. okay. Another thing that made me uncomfortable about this film, that I would say that that greatly reduced whatever enjoyment I was like bound and determined to have, because we have made this compact with our listeners that we will commit to watching these things. I want to, I want to know more about where in the process of writing and producing these films. People lose their knowledge. Of what having a real pet is like, Because the thing in this, in the Bayou movie is about how the mom, when she was a little girl had like a secret kitten. that lived in her neighbor's barn. And.
It like ran off. At one point or I don't know that it stopped me [00:09:00] in her kit. I don't know the answer to why she stopped having a kitten after a period of time. except for that, I do know which is that it lived in a fucking barn and never got spayed or neutered in therefore ran the fuck away once it got old enough and probably had kittens anyway. So. Even with country people who certainly have a different view of pets and pet ownership, then the, what I grew up with in the suburbs. to me, it is not a heartwarming story that this little girl had a kitten. She loved in a barn who then just disappeared. Like would have upset me as a child. It's sort of upsets me as an adult. It doesn't teach me anything about her. Like she would have been upset. She would have said, mommy, my kid and ran away. Like what happened to it or something so I don't know. It made me think that the pet ownership and like the pet appearances in these films are all super weird. there's like the dog. uh, what's her name is dog sitting in the Royal [00:10:00] fashion movie. And like you see it twice. She never walks it. like it just sort of shows up in his vaguely, a dog periodically. I mean, I guess it's expensive probably to have animals on set. But. Like all of these read, like they're like an alien who had heard about pets wrote that part of the film. It's just all very strange.
Patrick: . I mean, maybe they're approximately as careless with the pets in these movies as they are with the people,
Andrea: To shave Patrick okay. Well, I didn't really enjoy the movie either, so I believe we've. Oh, that's the other thing, actually, I was gonna make a note. About Christmas on the Bayou. I think a reason, some people may really like this film is because Kayla been Catherine where the lead actors, I think, or something in one tree Hill, the CW show, so I think the chemistry between these two actors may be appealing to folks in a way that I I'm really don't understand.
Christmas Inheritance
Patrick: Okay. Well, that's a good segue to , uh, Christmas inheritance at 2017 [00:11:00] Netflix film, which also features a CW star, Eliza Taylor from the, the 100. is the star of this one,
Andrea: Okay. Alright.
Patrick: So I'll tell you what I am DB, has to say about Christmas inheritance to be the CEO. And Aras is challenged by her dad to deliver a Christmas letter in person to his ex partner in their hometown, traveling by bus incognito and with only $100, will she learn something from the people there and the top five keywords to the plot here are inheritance Christmas party.
Christmas tree. True love and meaning of Christmas. the movie opens , uh, at a charity auction where Ellen is supposed to be hosting this thing. But instead she's doing cartwheels for charity in the back room, taking side bets to, for charity to see whether she can like vault over some things in the room.
And she falls down, not her fault, but someone. Distracts her. and it's very embarrassing and people take pictures and then she's in the, she's in the tabloids. The next day we find out that her dad is the [00:12:00] head of home and hearth gifts, basically like hallmark, .
He's about to retire, but he's having second thoughts about handing over the company tour. So he decides he's going to send her to snow falls, the town, where it all began.
She's meant to deliver a box of handwritten letters, that dad and his co-founders Zeke, annually, swap . So she gets on the bus, says some hilarious things that may give you the idea that she doesn't know how to ride the bus.
Andrea: Look, I just, just sidebar. I've written so many buses in my life, every fucking bus I get on, it feels like the first time, because buses are a goddamned mystery is what, what the rules of every bus are different.
Patrick: so she gets off the bus. and immediately her suitcase gets run over by Jake driving the cab. Uh, he got, I guess it gives her a free ride to the hotel to say, sorry.
And then , uh, it turns out that he also was working the front desk of the hotel, uh, where she checks in under her assumed name of Ellie London. Not Ellen Langford, and uncle [00:13:00] Zeke, who she's just supposed to hand the box of letters to isn't there and he doesn't have a cell phone and he's just up in the mountains, somewhere meditating or something.
They don't know when he'll be back. So she's just killing time. But, she runs out of money. Uh, so she has to clean rooms and serve breakfast at the hotel she learns to make cookies with Jake's aunt Debbie who's, Andy McDowell, and runs the runs, the coffee shop next door. meanwhile Jake is running his own charity auction for the town, but he's doing a very bad job because I guess he's busy.
Uh, and so Ellen goes around and , uh, collects donations to help them out. and. They have a little budding relationship and visit an ice sculpture garden where he's designed all the ice sculptures. Uh, they almost kiss, but they don't because she is engaged
Andrea: But she's engaged to a bad person. So the number one thing is that if a fiance exists at the beginning of any of these films, they are trash. Dumpster person.
Patrick: we barely get to know the guy before, but she doesn't seem to care much about them. Gray, her fiance does show up. I think the next day [00:14:00] and is mean to everybody. but he's there because he and Ellie are supposed to go to Maui and he's basically like, Hey, what are you doing?
Why don't we just get on the plane? but that night, gray , uh, let's slip to Jake who Ellen really is. Jake is very mad that he's been lied to by a stranger, for a day. and then the next morning, Zeke still isn't there. And so Ellen and grey decide to go to the airport and she's just going to like mail, Zeke the letters anyway.
but then she realizes that the letter for this year is missing and that's very important to her for. Some reason. and so she ditches her fiance and that moment , uh,
Andrea: At a gas station.
Patrick: gets back on the bus, which now she's like a pro and she's got apparently like a lifetime pass for the bus. She like flashes the ticket at that at gray, tells him, you know, good luck with life and gets back on the bus to snowfalls, just in time for the charity auction where it's going great because of all the stuff that she collected.
And Zeke is their uncle's Zeke is Santa Claus. And he reads the letter from this year, which he's already gotten in the mail from the dad. So the whole thing was a big trick on her. And the letter is [00:15:00] about how great Ellen is and she's going to take over the company. And it's a good thing. She's there. Her dad is there too.
it's very heartwarming. And, also she and Jake decided to be. they make sort of non-specific plans to commit to one another. And that's the end of the movie.
Andrea: Yeah.
Patrick: What did this teach you about holidays?
Andrea: New York city sucks. And, small town people are real and big town. People are fake. Don't be engaged to the person at the beginning of the movie.
This one wasn't as rough as the Bayou, but , well, it had some, some of the same similar sort of problems, Oh, here we go. Here's one redistribution of wealth and resources. Uh, when the snow storm hits the town and everybody has to come stay at the end, you know, and to give people what you have so that they can be safe and warm isn't is a nice thing. So, okay. There's that? What about you?
Patrick: I like that too. I mean, they have to have a charity auction, I guess, because it's [00:16:00] an MPCA movie. my biggest lesson was from the very beginning of the movie. If I'm going to do a Cartwheel to like, really maintain focus, even if someone shouts my name in the middle of it.
Andrea: Do you, can you do a Cartwheel, Patrick?
Patrick: No, I've never done a Cartwheel.
Andrea: done a Cartwheel. How did you go to like Schmancy Montessori, private San Francisco woo school. And you never learned to do a Cartwheel.
Patrick: We'd learn Tai Chi instead. Do you think it was a good movie?
Andrea: No, no, I don't think it's a good movie. I do. It's so pretty. It's such a pretty movie. The end is really pretty. The scenery is really lovely. Andy McDowell is great. I just didn't the stakes were. Again, very low. but also like the, I think the thing that killed it for me, Was the, the wholly disproportionate flip out that Jake had upon learning that Ellie was in [00:17:00] fact, this era's from New York city and not just. , like some other dumb rich girl that he would have been happy to take care of. Like, it was clear that like she had really fancy clothes. Her shoes were not made for the snow. she doesn't know how to clean, just like classic, rich girl shit. Right. She just like, didn't tell him her real name. And He didn't mind when he tried to make out with her, but she said, no, remember I'm engaged. Then he was like, Oh, I am so sorry. How could I ever, I put you in this position, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then he goes home and he gets on the fucking internet and he finds out she's secretly Paris Hilton. And he just like has just a whole fucking tantrum about just like the worst. self-righteous how dare you, my baby to nonsense. And I just, I hate. That kind of behavior in a dude is like maybe tippy toppy on my least [00:18:00] favorite.
Patrick: I was wondering if, if you're saying that it's like, obnoxious, but also very believable,
Andrea: Yes.
It is obnoxious and very believable. I don't like men who act like this. Which was really disappointing because I like the actor who is this guy, he's the guy from obvious child, which is like for sure, one of my top favorite movies ever. Um, and I think he's so charming and like boy, next door but like smart and snarky. I think he's really good at obvious child. He's been in other stuff that I really liked him in. and. Like literally, when he came on screen in this movie, I was like, that's the ugliest man I've ever seen because his hair cut is so fucking bad. And then I was like, wait, that's the guy from obvious child. He's actually one of the hottest dudes I can think of. Like that sums up this movie better than anything else I can say is that like, it made somebody who I like a lot, be like legit repulsive to me. , for no reason.
Patrick: Yeah, his [00:19:00] backstory is so bad that, like maybe a reason he is so mad at her is because his story is that he went to New York himself at one point and was either engaged or,
Andrea: I think they were married.
Patrick: it was, he was married to some kind of wall street.
Andrea: Careerist wall street, bitch.
Patrick: right. And then did she leave
Andrea: She broke up with him while silent night was playing at the restaurant.
Patrick: That's right. That's why he can never listen to silent night again
Andrea: And why he can never trust another New York career bitch again. it's just so it's some Gamergate shit, honestly.
Patrick: Um, okay. Did you, did you enjoy this movie?
Andrea: Uh , no, no, I didn't. And frankly , um, A little afraid at what the next two movies. Hold,
Patrick: yeah. Uh, I'm with you. I also didn't enjoy this. and it's the same pattern of, being pretty on board until the plot has to happen. It's it's always just so infuriating when they have to tie everything up and manufacturer, the conflict with this one I enjoyed at the start and just how [00:20:00] low the stakes were, you know, that it was like , a silly getaway from the city for a couple of days.
And like nobody's deciding course of their life you know, she just has to deliver these letters and like meet some people and try something different for a little while. That's fine.
You know? but, but instead, like she does actually alter the entire course of her life and , uh, the stakes wind up being very high anyway. Well, shall we try and pick a winner here? This is maybe the first time where I don't, I don't know how this is going to go , uh, between these two.
Do you want, do you want to vote?
Andrea: Yeah oh, okay.
Patrick: we've actually never discussed. What happens in the event of a
Andrea: I know.
Okay. I've made my decision.
Patrick: I've made mine as well.
Andrea: Okay. You ready?
Patrick: One, two, three,
Andrea: We disagree. Wow. Okay. So I've chosen Christmas on the Bayou and you've chosen Christmas inheritance.
Why do you think Christmas inheritance is the superior film?
Patrick: I thought that the, the writing was less painful And , uh, ultimate message of [00:21:00] the movie was slightly less offensive.
Andrea: I really struggled here. I agree. I agree with that. I chose by you because. I thought it was it's funner to me to have a film set on location in Southern Louisiana. And I liked Pernod well quite a bit. And ed Asner really was a delight.
Patrick: Yeah, I think, okay. uh, I'm going to change my vote. I'm going to side with you. You've won me
Andrea: Wow. That was
Patrick: that. Ed Asner has saved Christmas on the Bayou it's for me it's that the highs are much higher for Christmas on the Bayou, even though the lows were lower as well.
Andrea: All right. I'm glad, I'm glad we could come to an agreement, Patrick.
Patrick: like two grownups having a negotiation on honest terms. Yeah.
Andrea: Also I'm a princess.
Patrick: I never knew.
Andrea: Alright, uh, after a short break, we will be [00:22:00] back to talk about and naughty and nice , uh, 2014 hallmark film. And.
The Christmas calendar , uh, 2017 hallmark film.
Naughty and NiceMUSICAlright, and we're back. thanks for , uh, stay in tuned here on K Burg. I'm trying to do a radio intro because you. Cause the next film is naughty and nice. And it's about radio personalities. it's a 2014 hallmark film. and the I M D B description, goes like this. Cynical radio host is banished from LA to rural Colorado. He is assigned to co-host with a quote love doctor, a hopeless romantic. They have an on-air spat that gets them off on the wrong foot. They're antagonistic relationship gets the whole town talking. And the plot keywords are competition. Bed. [00:23:00] Disguise jealousy. Gift.
I wouldn't say that any of those words really describe what happens, in this film in any way. is there a, Oh, I guess there's the air mattress thing, is that the bed keyword here? Um,
Patrick: it's a very strange choice,
Andrea: Wolf. Yeah. Okay. So listeners, the deal with this, Hunka Hunka burning trash is that, a shitty douchebag shock jock in LA. with sort of a clearance sale, Brandon Flowers vibe. gets in trouble at work and is sent to rural Colorado, to like cool off or something. I don't know. and where he goes on a show with Haylie Duff, who is Hilary Duff's, older sister, playing doctress Sans, Sans , doctorate, doctorate, Sandra Love Dr. Sandra Love. on like a call in like a really sweet, just like, hi, we're going to take your problem seriously and [00:24:00] help you out sort of radio show. Anyway, they clash. Until all of a sudden they don't and, clearance sale. Brandon Flowers makes us snow storm. In, Dr. Love's office with packing peanuts. and so Dr. Love is basically having like a, like a light emotional affair with, her new DJ friend. because she's like extensively with her producer, This like fucking blonde ass Kendall looking asshole. . so pepper, the, uh , the, the main shock jock is called back to LA because he's like cool off for whatever period of time. And he takes. Dr. Love with him on like a day trip, back to LA to go to the company Christmas party, which we never go to. and they'd build a sand man on the beach. And instead of having an adult conversation about the fact that he has to go back to his job in LA. He hands her a [00:25:00] flyer, advertising his return to the show and she throws a little hissy fit there on the beach. And she goes back to Colorado where she then decides to instead move to Dallas with the Ken doll man. but then. The shock jock man comes back to Colorado and gathers the people of the town together to do an elaborate public. Marriage proposal to her. And so she doesn't drive to Dallas with the Kendall man. She marries the clearance sale, Brandon Flowers, and that is the end of that movie.
. Um, what did his movie teach you about the holidays battery?
Patrick: actually I was surprised that this was the first movie that taught me that you can rearrange the letters and Merry Christmas to spell a marry me. Which I've been turning over, over in my head since we watched this movie it's somehow it happens that the townsfolk folk have their cards up spelling out, Merry Christmas, and then they shuffle around.
And then it says, marry me,
Andrea: Yeah.
Patrick: Okay. What about you? What did you learn about the [00:26:00] holidays?
Andrea: I learned that you can make sand men as well as snow men. So that's, I would say I'm like, even though we lived in California briefly, I am very ignorant as to the ways of the beach. so I enjoyed the horrifying Sandman that they made on the beach. I don't know why people in beachy places don't make more Sandman,
Patrick: it looked like. A lot of fun. It looked like more fun than anything else that happened in this movie.
Andrea: yep. Was there a moral, less. Here or anything. Just anything
Patrick: Well, pepper was mean. On his radio show. And then he decided that he should be nice instead. even though the radio listeners wouldn't go for it and his ratings might suffer, he decided to follow his heart and be with a nice person who made him want to be nice to other people.
Andrea: Okay. All right, I'll take it.
Patrick, is this a good movie?
Patrick: No, it was so bad, so bad. we've been talking about like the emotional maturity scale of these movies. they're all [00:27:00] like, you know, about adults, but who relate to one another in childish ways? And some of these movies obviously are like Prince and princess fairytale movies.
And this one was different to me that it felt like it was maybe like a 12 year old boy, who came up with how adults relate to one another which actually made it seem a little bit more mature in some ways than some other movies we've watched, but also just so bad.
Andrea: Do you remember the time that they had the funeral for the men who died when he was boning his wife, and then they all danced around for like 10, whole minutes.
Patrick: The man who pepper basically killed by telling him on the air to go have sex with his wife. And he's like 93 or something and has a heart condition and they cut straight to the funeral and they're having a party and pepper is hitting on
Andrea: The widow and the widow's like, hell yeah, let's get it. I'm going to dance at my husband of 50 years is fucking funeral.
Patrick: that's a good example of this thing. I, it seemed farfetched and strange. It didn't make me [00:28:00] feel good about humanity.
Andrea: really upsetting,
Patrick: Did you think it was a good movie?
Andrea: No, no.
Patrick: I guess I feel like I have to ask.
Andrea: Um, did you enjoy the movie, Patrick?
Patrick: No, I did not enjoy it at all. no , well, I also felt a little bit like, there are those moments where you realize just how little the people who made the movie. Care for you? The viewer. And one of them was where we're introduced to peppers palatial estate in Los Angeles and his like Butler man comes out from the house to get his sports car from him. We never see the inside of the house there. And we're like, Oh, that's kind funny. And they do it again. At the end of the movie, the same thing, he drives up to the driveway. The guy comes out, they talk and then he drives off again. And we never even see like what kind of cool life he's supposed to have in LA. Like they didn't bother. Anyway, that made me mad. Did you have a good time watching this?
Andrea: I wouldn't say that I found it like all the way painful. I would say that I found it [00:29:00] even somewhat entertaining. A couple of things. I liked the fact that the premise was actually more about the guy than about the girl. That was interesting to me. Like it's about pepper and peppers, dumb history as a sad whiny bitch, boy. and less about like, Oh, we must find Dr. Love a partner. so. That was interesting. I liked the booth man. Who lives with his mom who let pepper stay with him. He, he reminded me of some nice boys that I've known in my life. I get, I think I said this when we were watching it, but like the characters. They do remind the men in the movie are very, men. I have known in my life through standup comedy and I still find that sort of guy. Like understandable, if not, perhaps as charming as I once did. so like, it felt familiar in a way that was nice. I start, I sorta like the light clash at the beginning, but then [00:30:00] learn to like each other trope. I don't mind that as a premise. But I think we're at last meeting was where Haylie Duff , just, just straight up, like abandoned this dude on the beach because he is trying in a very clumsy way to open up a conversation with her about. Having to move back to LA and she just like, treats him, like he slapped her in the face and she just like runs away. And it's like, how dare you? I don't know. Like, I don't think if you have that kind of fight with somebody, you should agree to marry them the next day. I think you should probably do some couples counseling first to talk about conflict resolution. And the marrying thing at the end is just too it's too much. Like it was just like, if they want to, you know, kiss on the sidewalk and the snow fine, but like, Does he fucking getting married is it's too much.
Patrick: especially for this guy. Whereas his whole backstory is that he was going to propose to his last cohost and then discovered that she was. Planning scheming to cheat on him or scheming to break up with him. And it was Christmas as well. So like he knows that he [00:31:00] is prone to, , propose too early to a lady. But the happy ending of this movie is he has done it yet again,
Andrea: Well, okay. Uh, you want to take us into our next fill.
The Christmas Calendar
Patrick: Absolutely. Okay. So the next movie we watched is Christmas calendar. I'll tell you what IMDV says about this movie. When Emily, a struggling Baker in a small town receives a handmade Christmas calendar from a secret admirer, the local residents become obsessed with finding out the identity of the sender.
The plot keywords here are bakery competition, secret admirer, light comedy, and Frenchman. I think all of those apply. I don't know about light comedy. Uh , well, it's light. We can discuss whether it's comedy , uh, but it does have a Frenchman. the story here is that Emily has moved back from New York city to her hometown of Nelson Creek, where grandma has recently died and left her a big house and a bakery.
And on her first day back in walks, Gerard, who is a tall French guy who is interested in her cookies. [00:32:00] And also when he leaves, they realize a big box has shown up and they opened it up and it's an advent calendar she opens up the first door. There's a little scroll inside with a little poem and people are just clamoring to find out which fancy man has sent this calendar to Emily because.
They've decided that it must be a secret admirer who else would send a giant house with, doors to open on every day of December. So, it becomes a craze in the town. And, the, I'd say like the tension builds every day as she opens up the doors. Meanwhile, Emily and Gerard are feuding because it turns out Gerard is the Baker across the street at forge Mart, , which is like the.
Walmart that swooped in and was trying to take her business away. So Gerard's, manager at forge Mart, Adele
Andrea: Who we know Adele is bad because she has red hair.
Patrick: That's right. His red is red headed manager, Adele teams up with a grouchy tree salesman. Who's mad because he thinks that Emily asked him to come Carolyn with them one time and she didn't pay [00:33:00] attention to them.
And so now he's trying to ruin her. So he and Adele both do some scheming. Adele, the manager calls, the health, safety inspectors, and says that there's some scary shit happening. Emily's bakery. the inspector shows up and everything looks great, but he decides to go check out forge Martin across the street while he's around.
And it turns out that Adele forgot to get the license for the bakery. So she ends up, Accidentally if you're getting Gerard shutdown and instead, meanwhile, the tree salesman for his part of the scheme tries to break into the bakery, but falls through the roof and spends the entire night on the floor
and on the 24th, everyone shows up to open the last door of the Christmas calendar. Along with the TV news. Who's heard about this exciting adventure. And they opened the calendar and realized that grandma sent this not a secret admirer.
But Gerard also was a secret admirer and the kiss.
Andrea: you forgot about secret angel grandma.
Patrick: Well, I was going to get there. I'll just skip to my holiday lesson, which is that you should be nice to people on the street, especially around the holidays, because one of them might be the ghost of your grandmother. [00:34:00] That was very strange.
Andrea: I couldn't. So they make the grandma be like a salvation army, bell ringer lady with a donation bucket But they never, show the town's people like pointedly not seeing her or whatever. she's just a person in the background of the film, like lots of other people. And in fact, there's a thing where the child goes and puts a quarter in the bucket, which I now see, we're supposed to understand that she's like, Oh, special angel that only children can see, but like nobody else acknowledge her. Like, it's just, she's just a woman fucking ringing the bell for the, for the charity bucket. And then at the end we like zoom in on a picture and have her and Emily together. And you're like, Oh, it was grandma the whole time. That for me really send it over the edge. I mean, it was. Low States otherwise. And sort of boring, but that was very silly.
Patrick: Did you learn anything about the holidays?
Andrea: Yeah, I did. I learned, that one thing that is a great idea is to [00:35:00] have intimate relationships with the people I supervise at work.
Patrick: That seems like a train of these movies too. That's good.
Andrea: Yeah. They like when, when the forage market shuts down, she's just like, Hey Gerard, you can come work with me that my bakery. And we'll also bang. Like, I don't know. I assume he's got like a work visa. She probably has a lot of power over him in this situation. It seems. very inappropriate.
Patrick: Yup. Not great. Do you think it's a good movie?
Andrea: Uh, no, I don't think it's a good movie.
I don't want to just be shitting on these films. because I think that like watching one or two of them. You'd be like, Oh, fun. Like, here's a fun, silly thing to have on in the background. Or while I drink my wine and like do my crossword or whatever, like. They're not as discrete entities, so terrible, right? but like once you've watched the fifth or the sixth one with the red headed woman, who's the mean bitch. It like, it gets a little. [00:36:00] Exhausting. and like, It's going to be hard for, No, they're just dirt tiresome. I don't know. What do you think?
Patrick: I'm starting to worry about what's happening in my head after watching this many of them, it's a little bit like I'm just feeding my consciousness, like hamburgers and fruit pies, you know? And like nothing else, you know,
Andrea: I think that I, they becomes particularly tired some about this over time and having watched so many of these is that. These things are. So I think specifically marketed at and made for women. And that they're just so poorly executed. And that's kind of sad, I guess, cause like, I don't know, like any one actor or whatever in any of these is fine. Right? Like it's it's the whole sort of mishmash that it just, it all is like sort of like skids over the finish line every time. And it's. I don't know, That's kind of depressing.
Patrick: well, I'm guessing you didn't enjoy this one.
Andrea: I don't know that. Well, actually I did a little bit enjoy this movie. I thought the Frenchman was very [00:37:00] charming. I like French stuff. So that was interesting to me. I liked that there was legit baking in this film.
Patrick: Yeah.
That's true.
Andrea: so that part was fun. Oh, I would say, I mean, I'm medium enjoyed it. I liked that they didn't get married at the end.
Patrick: Yeah, I guess that too.
Andrea: Did you enjoy it?
Patrick: Well, no, you know, I didn't, each of these lately is like, is this the worst one yet? And I certainly had that thought with this one, but now that they're all over, I'm looking back on them and I'm not so sure. Uh, the worst one lately, it feels like it's the one that you're in the middle of watching.
Andrea: The one that you're shocked to learn as 40 more minutes in it. When you pause it to go to the
Patrick: it's a dark moment. Well, shall we pick a winner here then?
Andrea: Let's pick a winner. You ready?
One, two, three.
Patrick: Oh,
no, another split
Andrea: Patrick has chosen naughty and nice. And I chose a Christmas calendar.
Patrick: so I chose naughty and nice [00:38:00] because I did feel like the people related to one another in a slightly more realistic and grownup way until that fateful scene on the beach that you're describing when the wheels came off entirely.
Andrea: I chose a Christmas calendar Because between the beach tantrum and the proposal after knowing each other for 72 hours, I felt that it, Christmas calendar had more realistic interactions between the characters. I think that a big or a small town Baker would feel antagonistic towards the whole foods market across the street Baker, but also it could be true that they both really love baking and. Could be friends in the end and the ghost of grandma was so tacked on at the end. That it. Doesn't bother me ultimately, as a part of the film, because it's not part of the film as far as I'm concerned.
Patrick: Well, I did, I did like Gerard's relationship with Emily in this. That was, I felt like a [00:39:00] little bit apart from the rest of the creaminess of the movie. Like I think they held their own pretty well that, I'd be happy to change my vote in inside with you. Um, on the Christmas calendar,
Andrea: Oh, it's so hard. I mean, I just, I feel bad that either one of these has to advance to the next round, but, I'll accept it. Okay. Congratulations. Turkers Ms.
Patrick: Christmas calendar , uh, we'll see you next time where, we're going to confront cynics and grinches in four movies. Our last four of the tournament, the nine lives of Christmas holiday in the wild holiday date and operation Christmas drop. So we'll see you then.
Andrea: Woo.
Patrick: And one last production note to share before we go like many made for TV films. This podcast is scored by a composer, Kevin McCloud, who makes his music available for free under creative comments. So our theme is Christmas rap by Kevin MacLeod. And you can find details in our show notes. Thanks for listening.