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Coffee with a Twist!
Coffee with a Twist!
The Alphabet of Achieving Goals: Learning One Step at a Time
Did you know that the path to achieving your goals is akin to learning the alphabet - one step, one letter at a time? We go deep into the process of setting and achieving goals, drawing from our own family experiences. Here's a hint: It's not about simply ticking goals off a list, but about finding intrinsic value in them. As we reflect on the year that's past, join us in learning from our missteps and setting our sights on making the coming year even better.
Don't miss our discussion on recent educational accomplishments and concerns. We're bursting with pride as our friend Jason graduates with a cybersecurity degree, but we're equally disturbed by an incident involving our son's school. A teacher's actions have raised eyebrows, and her dismissal of a whistleblower raises more questions than it answers. Tune in as we anticipate a resolution, reminding ourselves of the importance of maintaining routines for our children. And as we wrap up, we explore different anxiety therapy styles, underscoring the crucial importance of mental health. Join us, and let's navigate these life journeys together.
Thanks for listening coffee with a twist.
Email me at: coffeewitatwist@gmail.com
Hey guys, welcome to Coffee with the Twist. You're here with Madame Ballou. I know it's been a while. I hope you guys have been having a great weekend. Months, holidays, thanksgiving recently passed, I'm sure, people's birthdays, you name it. Yes, we had a pretty good, low-key Thanksgiving. Some of my friends came over and stayed the night my goddaughter, her siblings and my best friend. So we had a great Thanksgiving, got to be with them. It was nice to see them. I haven't seen them in a while, just the via texting and things like that. So you guys are probably like why is she like stopping her sentences? It's because I got a new phone. I got the iPhone 15.
Speaker 1:And this is where I do my recordings, you know, as you guys know, on my phone in real time. But I'm noticing that this is recording weird. So I'm not sure. Hold on, okay, it is picking everything up. It was just really weird. It was like no numbers up. You know how, like the recorder timer thing is on there, so you know like how long you've been rambling. It just had lines there like dashes through. So I just wanted to make sure, before I continue, that it's actually recording, because then I would have to start all over and, as you guys know, I'm not scripted, so I would forget half the crap that I was even talking about. But anyways, we move forward now. So, anyways, I'm so happy to be recording this episode.
Speaker 1:I haven't recorded in a while, not because I haven't wanted to, it's just, you know, it just hasn't happened. I will say that I have no real excuse. To be honest, it's like I noticed as you get older, you are extremely busy, but you're busy with like nothing. But it's still busy and those things you know, I guess, are still important. So, like you know, like I remember, like last week I seemed so busy but I was like what the hell am I doing now? Like I don't see anything. So I guess it's like adulting, I guess is what that would be the definition of that? Versus when you're busy when you're a kid, it's like you're going to birthday parties, eating cake, hanging out with friends, things like that. I feel like when you're an adult and you're busy, it's like paying bills, working, it's like you don't see that any good reward at the end of that. So I have been extremely busy. Could I tell you what? No, because I don't really remember it. So that's how rewarding it was.
Speaker 1:But I have had a couple of things that have happened, of course, in my life, as I guys, as I've told you guys, you know I've been having many different things in the works. You guys know that I'm a realtor. Now I've been a realtor for almost three years, so I've been expanding on that as well. I'm actually now working on I'm licensed in Maryland and PA. So anyone hit me up if you're, you know, looking to buy, sell or any rental services or interested in learning on home buying or home selling. I do webinars and things like that as well. I volunteer with the Red Cross and now I'm working on getting my West Virginia real estate license, along with doing my normal job, my normal nine to five, and even with that, you know, I need to do some trainings and things like that. So I've been really trying to focus on that as well as focused on getting like my real estate YouTube videos up, trying to like just more awareness with home buying and that process and what it looks like.
Speaker 1:Trying to be more, I guess, like a vlogger Is that the right word, yeah, with the V and being better at like posting and things like that just that social media content and things that I truly have no interest in. I know I'm not a social media person, I'm not one of those people who just has their camera and phone out and things. It's just not me. So it's it's. I know some of you all that are listening like, oh, that's easy, why hasn't she done that? Yes, that's five minutes, that don't take long. I'm sure it doesn't, but I'm resistant of it and I don't know much about it and, honestly, it's never been a thing. I've been using my personal life. I'm just trying to more pick up the phone or text message. I don't have social media accounts, things like that. So it's it's definitely new and it's newer in the sense of that I'm using it more for business, not really the pleasure part, so it matters how I put it out there and things to that nature. But, you know, still focusing on those dreams and goals that I have for 2023, putting them in place. So you know, things are definitely moving along.
Speaker 1:One thing, another thing I've been like just I don't know. I just been trying to be more present in my, in my household, with my family, my immediate family and things and, as you guys know, like my son has a speech delay. So I'm just, you know, trying to really just be present. You know, when you have too much going on, things can fall through the cracks. So needs can be there that you think you're giving but you're not.
Speaker 1:So like, as you guys know, I like to throw like a lot of get togethers. You know, I'm a social butterfly in a sense and the thing is, especially when you socialize, and especially if you're doing it in your home and people are coming over, you prep for these things. So let's say I'm having to get together on Saturday, well, I'm prepping from like the weekend prior or at least that Monday into it. So with prepping, yes, I do involve my son the best I can and stuff, but to a degree I might be ignoring him, or I might be ignoring the dogs, or I might be ignoring my husband you know things like that because I'm focused on getting ready for Saturday or whatever that event will be. So one thing that I've done and it wasn't even on my vision board it's, but as the year went on, I was like, you know, maybe I need to change something, maybe I'm, you know, thinking I'm doing something. Let me reevaluate me. So that's what I did and I still have good, but it's on a different scale, you know, it's definitely different.
Speaker 1:So anyways, I say that to say, you know, my son's been doing really good with his speech, his comprehension, all of that. I also put him into additional schooling and things to that nature. This thing keeps doing that and I'm not sure why, but anyways, I'm hoping this is really picking up, cause I feel like I'm talking a lot and it's only at eight minutes, so I'll just keep an eye on it. But anyways, I also, you know, put him in like the Saturday class school for a few hours every Saturday or every other Saturday, just depends, just for that extra learning and speech. Cause that's, you know, the main thing is the speech and, you know, just trying to really get that going. He'll be in kindergarten next year, so my goal is that he can say more of a sentence, you know, by first grade, by the time he actually enrolls in first grade.
Speaker 1:I'll say, and I'm sure it will happen, just, you know time, because it's progressing. It's just, you're seeing the progress. Definitely it's slow and steady, but it's coming. You know, I rather slow than steady, than fast, and then regress. So you know, the thing is we want to keep that going and it's hard. You know it's definitely hard. It's hard having a child or anyone you know who has any sort of special needs, where you have to have more heightened senses. So, for instance, right now there's an incident at my son's school that involves my son and a staff member and you know they have the county and stuff involved CPS, things like that and it's one of these things where it's like you know we send our kids to school and you know we have them with these teachers and things you know for the care and stuff. And I get all kids are different but you know, supposedly this is what they're trained for and I get, as humans we all have our good days and bad days.
Speaker 1:But if you know, I guess in certain fields, if you know you're having a bad day, you probably shouldn't go into work, just like the medical field, like I know a lot of people have become nurses and things like that because a lot of times, unfortunately, it's not always for the reason that you should go into it in the sense of like maybe truly caring for people. You get into it more from the money aspect and the things and I get we all got a pair of bills, but there are certain fields that I just feel if you truly don't have care and empathy and passion in your heart for it, you probably shouldn't do it, because there are certain fields where you kind of have to be caring, even in the thick of it, even in the worst of it. It's just how it is and I know it sucks, but that's just reality. I remember I used to be in the medical field for a while and I found myself becoming very un-passionate. I wasn't empathetic to people, the care wasn't there and guess what I did? I left the medical field. It wasn't for me anymore. It was turning me into a person that I was not.
Speaker 1:I enjoy caring for people and doing what I can for people and putting a smile on their face, even when they're mean. You know, because I get it's not always fun, but you gotta know when it's not for you and you can't just stick it out. You know just because I feel like there's just certain fields and certain you know professions where you have to stop, you know and analyze the situation and be like, okay, I'm being this way and that way. That's not what I joined this for, or you know what I mean. Same way, how I took a step and was like okay, what am I lacking? You know, sometimes we have to.
Speaker 1:So I say this to say sometimes, guys, even though we might have a plan, you know you wanna get to that finish line, you wanna go from A to B. We gotta remember that the whole alphabet may be in there before you get to that A to Z, that B turned into Z or that B, that A to B turned into A to W, like there will be obstacles sometimes. That's just what it is, and sometimes we are so focused on that B that the stuff going on around us in the in-between layers we kick to the side or we don't pay attention to it. And that middle part that gets you from A to B is probably the most important part of it to make when you get to B, to be stronger. So we gotta remember, guys, just I get have your eye on the prize. As you know, I love goals, I love visions and I'm gonna be telling you guys to do your vision boards for the next year. But just keep in mind, just, even if you didn't hit all the goals, that is fine. Look at the things around that you might've ended up adding to your vision board for 2023 that you didn't even think of before, because possibly you met someone or there's things that happened in your life that made you new goals that you did even accomplish, or they gave you more insight to your ending goals.
Speaker 1:Not everything can be A to B. Sometimes it has to be the whole alphabet. All 26 letters might have to be in that goal for you to get to that one goal. You can have two people for example, I'm married. You can have two people who have the same goal, but to get there, our steps to get there could be different. My steps could be one thing, jason's steps can be another thing, but they're both working together in a sense to get us still to the top of that goal or to achieving that goal. So don't look at certain things like, oh man, I didn't finish this or this is in my way, it's in my way to accomplishing my goal. No, it's not. It's not in the way at all. It's fine. Maybe you need it that.
Speaker 1:Maybe this is a time, instead of just trying to get from A to B and I'll say, like the beginning of the year to the end of 2023, take that stuff in between. Sometimes you gotta sit back and reflect, because that's what helps you become stronger, that's what helps the situation more, that's what helps the goal, more that helps you in ways that you are not even knowing that comes. Of course, you can't plan for everything. Like I said, I'm using my son's speech delay in myself as an example. Again, even how his speech has progressed could have just been a fluke, like it was just gonna happen at this time anyway. I don't know, but I do know this.
Speaker 1:I sat back, I analyzed myself and I was like, man, I'm spending X amount of time prepping for this or doing this and doing that when screw, that I gotta worry about in my household. Instead of me prepping for this or doing this stuff, I could be spending that time doing some more one-on-one with my son. Not that I was not doing those things, but maybe he needed a little bit more of it. Some kids might only need I don't know, I'm using a number an hour a day with that one-on-one with their parents, but my child might need three hours a day, or most of the day, where we are chilling one-on-one, no matter what it is we're doing. It may need to be that way.
Speaker 1:So one of my things that I've already started doing far as in 2023, but something I really plan to take and carry over into 2024 is really taking care of my immediate family and our needs, and when I say my immediate family, that means the people in my home. That's what's coming first. Yes, I love my whole family, I love everyone, but there becomes a time where you have to take on and be that force for your immediate family, and that is key, because we all step out, we all make our own families and I have to help in molding my immediate family, the family that I made and that I chose. That way, we can be stronger. So one of the things that I'm taking over so I know we're the end of November, but one of the things that I'm definitely trying to pour into the next year of 2024 is to keep that up and putting my immediate family first and foremost, before anything and anyone. Us keeping that strong unit is key.
Speaker 1:You know you might have similar goals, rather fits your immediate family, or your son, or a husband or wife, whatever that is. You know, just sit back. You've probably accomplished so much this year 2023, but sit back, analyze everything you did, your goals, the goals that you accomplished the goals you didn't accomplish, goals that even came along that you didn't even know you had Just sit back and review, analyze and kind of like, I guess, in a sense, reflect, reflect and also try to think about how you felt about this last year. You know, how did you feel when you're accomplishing those goals. Did it make you feel good or was it more like I'm just checking a box? Because it doesn't have to be all about just checking a box. You wanna feel accomplished and you wanna feel good about the things that you're putting out there. So, to a degree, it can't just be about checking a box. It has to have value and meaning to it. You know, like when you graduate, you wanna feel good about what you're doing. You want to feel like it added value to your life, not just a checkbox, as if you're at work and you're just checking off a box because your boss asked you to do something. Those are makes it more fulfilling. So definitely, as we go into this last you know, for five, six weeks of, you know, 2023, like let's make sure that you know we're being purposeful for the next coming year. You know, learn from any mistakes that we've done this year, things like that.
Speaker 1:And speaking of accomplishments, jason finally got to march across the stage to get his diploma for his bachelor's degree. He got it in cybersecurity, so we watched him walk on. I think it was November 3rd it was either November 3rd or November 4th, I can't remember, but I think it was November 3rd. It was a Saturday. So it was really nice, great accomplishment. I was really happy for him to accomplish something like that because he did. He put in a lot of work. You know we had our big party, as you guys know, back in June when he finished finished. But this time we just got to watch him march and we had small get-together, you know nothing too big, took pictures and things like that. So it was really nice to see him march across the stage. It gave me a glimpse into the future for when my son goes across the stage when he's in, like high school and stuff. So it's going to be here before you know it, I'm sure, even though he's only five now. But it was really nice. I was really proud of him, proud of his accomplishments, and I know he feels good and you know, again something to check off the list and it helped him. It was valuable because he was able to get a new job after graduating back in June, you know, finishing and stuff. He was able to get a new job, which he did, and he seems to really like it and enjoy it. So that's a plus, you know, when you enjoy what you do. But yeah, so, as you can hear, we've been busy but like in a weird way, you know, like it's kind of more a reflective way. But yeah, I'll keep you guys up to date on like this stuff with my son's go.
Speaker 1:I don't really want to say terribly too much because you know it's still under investigation, but pretty much. I was called and told that a staff member said that my son's teacher had pulled him down by the collar and I'm not sure when the incident actually happened and to my knowledge, one other kid there was an, you know, a claim against as well that I guess the teacher did something to that kid. Of course it was very alarming to hear and then you know the way that he proposed it to me was like they got rid of the person that told on the teacher. So you know I sat there, got off the call and you know you're thinking about things. Some things can't, you know aren't in the moment. You got to think about it and I'm like, if there's a whistleblower, why would you fire the whistleblower? You know that doesn't make sense to me. Why would you fire the whistleblower if they're just telling you something that you should want to hear? You know? So you know, I emailed and stuff and then come to find out which makes it more alarming that that particular person they weren't fired, they were resigning. And I guess, upon resigning, is when they said this thing about my child and the teacher doing this to the child. So my thing is automatically okay if I'm resigning. And why would I need to lie? You get what I'm saying. Like, if I'm resigning, why would I need to say anything about any kid and a teacher? If it's not true, I would have no reason to. I'm already resigning. So it makes me wonder are you resigning because this particular teacher is mean? I'm not sure. So they're investigating it and you know, of course the human in me is like you know. Of course, if it's not true, I would hate for anyone to lose their job over something not being true, but it sounds like it could be very true.
Speaker 1:I will say in the beginning of the school year. This was the first school year where my son struggled a lot in the beginning of the school year. I didn't know why and I did. I thought the worst in all honesty and I was like, okay, let's see. I mean, he is getting older, he's getting more frustrated with his speech, things like that. And even the tone of the teacher I could tell she was very frustrated by him because he was more challenging than what she's used to. Trust me, what she was telling me was more challenging than what I'm even used to from my child. So I'm like something's off. That lets me know there's some connection not being having and that's just for me, knowing my kid and with him having a speech delay is even harder because it's not like he's going to come home and tell me good or bad things that happen. He will let me know school was good, but that's it. I don't even think he knows what would be bad, but I do read his body language very well and, like I said, the beginning of the school year it was hell getting him on and off the bus and just he didn't want to be there, to where I almost considered removing him from school and try to homeschool him, but at some point it started like easy enough.
Speaker 1:I and actually I got more people involved as well, like a behavior specialist, because I wasn't sure I spoke with a speech teacher tried to get more of that that way and I think those avenues really helped with people that he's worked with in the past. So is it possible it happened? I would say, heck, yeah, was it done out of malice? I don't know. You know what I mean, so I will keep you guys updated. I talked to the investigator earlier and they're, you know, still doing some interviewing and stuff to that nature. So We'll see. But the teacher has been put on leave for a while, I'm until they get it Straight and I hope they do one, because it does seem like he had got to a point where he, I I guess, was more comfortable and things and they seem to have a better report. So I say that to say you know, with all kids, you know it's best when they could keep certain routines, but it sounds like right now they might have like a floater substitute and things like that. But I'm not sure and you know these are those things when it comes to school and Any type of special needs.
Speaker 1:You know you got to look out for your kids. Don't always assume, you know, even if you have a problem some kid, don't always assume that your child Is in the wrong. You know we are our kids advocates and spokespersons. So please Always advocate for your kid, even the challenging ones. Do not let people Just try to bring the negativity out of your child. I do not allow it, not even in my household, not by guests that come by my home. Nothing, I do not allow it. I Would, with my son speech later.
Speaker 1:You know you get those people that try to like oh, they're not doing this, my child does this. Don't you stop it in their tracks. You let people know and you make sure your child knows that they're no different than anyone else. Every, each and every one of us learns different. We are different and you don't make anyone to feel less than you know. So I am always an offensive parent. I'm a bitchy parent. I know this about me, but that's what I am and I have no regrets about it. Like I will put you in your place when it comes to my child and that will never change. I Always make the comment being a mom is probably the worst thing that's happened to me for the world because I'm much bitchier and I'm a mom snob. I don't hang with other moms. Moms are very mean, believe it or not, in my opinion. I will say that in my opinion.
Speaker 1:And it gets to the point where you, you know there's sometimes you got to Cut some people loose, people you might have used to hang with, if you don't like their style or the way they are with, have their kids, you know, and your kids together. You know, sometimes you got to make tough decisions and and that goes right back to what I was saying with, like, taking care of my household, my immediate household, and things to that nature. Sometimes you have to put Well, you do, it's no, sometimes it's all the time, you put yourself first. So if that means you don't hang out with certain friends because of their kids, that's what it is and you just can, you know you nicely tell them because it's hey, you might be getting the comment, you know, one day where they're telling you Well, I don't want to hang with you because the way your kid is, it happens, you know.
Speaker 1:And one thing that you know, I told myself that I, I, I Will not do is Just because I'm friends with someone and they have kids, or you know family and they have kids, whatever. I'm never going to force my kid to have to be friends with my friends, kids or my Family or his you know family's, cousins and things. I'm never going to force it upon them. I feel like that's something that, as parents, we force it. Well, I want to be friends with the mom and dad, so you're gonna be friends. Hey, some kids just don't click.
Speaker 1:And what you got to realize? All kids are different behind closed doors or when they're off playing upstairs or you got them in the base plate. They're different and they don't always click. Of course I want to make sure my, my son, knows his family and stuff like that. But if he doesn't click with them far as being like the best of friends, that's fine. But know that your family, if they're in need, you help them if they need it, stuff like that. You know I still give them that foundation, but I don't feel I will be the parent that will Force him to have to play with Kids that he doesn't want to. If he's coming, mom, I'm not feeling them. Okay, no problem. So next, off the friend, and if the friend wants to come over and they got their kid, I'll let them know. Hey, that's fine. But you know my son doesn't really get along with your child. I'm fine with your child coming, but you know my son, you know he's probably gonna be in his room and that's fine if he wants to be in his room and your kids is down here.
Speaker 1:You know we got to start being able to be vocal and not force everything. Some things shouldn't be forced and then we'll wonder why our kid is being a certain way or why their moods a certain way. Because they just had to deal with it for an hour with someone they really don't like. You know, and I mean that would make anyone moody. But to a degree you also will teach a A lesson with that in the sense, because we all think about it. We pride day by day. We probably work with some people we don't like. We probably see people we don't really. I won't say don't like, but we just don't really care for. And sometimes you do got to play the game, sometimes you got to just do it. So you still teach them the boundaries and in foundations, but don't ever force, you know, our kids to Be something they're not or or to entertain just because you want to hang out with the parents.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to think of the best way to say it. There's like a phrase that I have, but I can't get it together. But I think for the most part you kind of get my jits. I'm not saying that In the real world you don't come across people that you just got to tolerate. I know that. That's why you got to teach them the boundaries, but you also should have forced it upon them all the time either. You know what I mean. So it just that communication, I guess to a degree. But but yes, so I'll keep you guys posted, as I know.
Speaker 1:You know, I just pray. I've been praying a lot lately, which is something I haven't done in a while. It's a while like a while while, at least four years but I'm, you know, trying to also get my faith back where it needs to be. So that's another thing that I've been struggling with, that I'm trying to gain back. So it's hard sending your kids to school, especially with an incident going on like this, because, let's say, hypothetically, it's more than one teacher or more than one staff member. I don't know. It's just tough, it's really tough, and my anxiety has gotten so bad. In general, I've had bad anxiety for some years and a little PTSD that I'm still working through and that's part of my getting back into faith and my relationship with God.
Speaker 1:To help with my anxiety, I've done some therapy as well and that helped a little, but not really that much. I think I need a different style of therapy. The one that I had. It wasn't that great in my opinion and I told her that and I ended the sessions. I gave it a shot for a few weeks because sometimes you've got to warm up to each other. It just wasn't working. So I told her we can end those. I said you can leave me the tools, but these conversations are pointless. But yeah, so anyways, I'm kind of rambling now so I won't continue to do that. But yes, I will end it here. But just remember, let's take these last couple of weeks in the year to just do some reflecting and meditating and find a way to see what you can do. That's valuable for next year, 2024. It's been great chatting You're here with Madam Belu. Have a good evening.