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Coffee with a Twist!
Coffee with a Twist!
The Journey of Healing and Ambition A Personal Story
Embarking on a new year always brings a mix of excitement and intent; that's why I've turned to the power of vision boards to crystallize my goals and share the transformative journey with you. Picture this: a tapestry of dreams and ambitions laid out visually to guide you through 2023—because as I've experienced, mapping the future can turn aspirations into reality. This week, I pull back the curtain on my personal vision board and the array of trainings and certifications that are shaping my real estate career. Beyond professional aspirations, I open up about an unexpected bout with pink eye, a reminder that our health can sometimes throw a curveball, and the importance of receiving top-notch care, as I did at Vision 2020.
Life's more challenging chapters often teach us the most profound lessons, and I'm no exception. Caretaking for my father was a passage that left me weathered by PTSD, yet it also illuminated my path to healing and the vital role faith plays in it. I invite you into a heartfelt conversation about the emotional toll of caregiving, the subsequent battle with PTSD, and the intersection of health and spirituality. Join me as I reflect on the past, embrace the progress in my healing journey, and discuss the importance of professional support coupled with the grounding force of faith. This episode isn't just my story—it's a shared experience of resilience and finding strength within when life asks us to be both caregivers and seekers of our own peace.
Thanks for listening coffee with a twist.
Email me at: coffeewitatwist@gmail.com
Hey guys, welcome back to coffee with the twist. Hope you guys had a great week. Okay, great day. Looking forward to the weekend. Happy Friday.
Speaker 1:I'm recording this at like 6 pm today, so my son is, you know, of course, up. He's playing his game and I have my Alexa going. Just wanted to get on here and say hello to everyone. We are approaching the end of January so I hope if you have not done your vision board, put it on your list of doing this weekend. You do not want to go on to February without a plan. So let's get those vision boards completed. Take a look at them, see what you need to do to, what steps need to be taken July, say, to get to those goals. So I'm definitely practicing what I've been preaching. I'm pretty proud of myself. I'm glad to get on here and toot my horn a little bit.
Speaker 1:I actually have quite a few trainings set up for the month of February, so I am actually working on actually the first weekend in February, the third, I think that is, I have an all-day class that I'm taking and then that following week into the next week I want to say it's like the eighth, ninth, something like that. I don't have a calendar in front of me. I have a two-day training scheduled and then after that that following weekend I have two weekends blocked Saturday and Sunday for eight hour, is it? I think it's eight hour trainings, saturday and Sunday, for four weekends. And at the end of all of the trainings that I'm doing, I'm actually getting the certifications and stuff. Taking the exams, doing certifications stuff one of it it's like, of course, to enhance my resume and position myself strategically out there in the workplace. My other one that I'm taking that's the day courses get to get my CEs for my continuing education, for my real estate. Again, I'm trying to really push my business as much as I can in real estate for the next couple of years see where you know I land. So and then the another blessing that happened out of all of this I was looking into some of my old certificates, making sure they're still active or if I need to renew things like that, and I came across one of the classes or courses that I took that I do have an active certification on. I guess when I purchased that class, I don't recall doing it, but I purchased a couple of other courses. Luckily I have a lifetime on them to take it, but they are with taking the class and then getting a proctored exam afterwards. So really excited to do those too.
Speaker 1:So pretty much February, march, in part of April probably, I'm, you know, cranking out as much as training and certifications that I can do to help position myself. I'm in the workforce and just, you know, just skills and knowledge, which I say this all because that was all it's on my vision board. I have not been putting my foot, best foot for when it comes to training. So this first quarter of the year of 2024, really jumping in getting those trainings and certificates done. So I'm definitely not just getting on you guys, I'm doing it as well. So if you haven't do your vision board, if you have done your vision board, start making those steps.
Speaker 1:The month of January is pretty much over. So, as we know the order, we get days, weeks and months go and years go much faster. So let's, you know, start cranking out some things, scheduling things. That way it makes you accountable. Don't just say you're going to do it and put a timeframe. No, go ahead, call up the place, set the date. You know what I mean. I know within reason and things. You know I know we all have bills and different things like that. But you know, try to do what you can. You know, set small goals makes you feel good. So you guys have not heard from me in a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1:I have the weirdest experience in the past two, three weeks. About a month or so ago, my son ended up getting pink eye. You know, called, got him cleared up. You know seven days, regiment, whatever, first eye drops done. So let's say, like that Friday, saturday, he was done with his drops and then that Sunday I woke up with pink eye. 39 years old, I've never had pink eye day in my life. So what I do? I said, okay, it's probably the same as him. So I just took the drops.
Speaker 1:It seemed to be getting better but it wasn't. I was like really tired. I slept, like from Sunday through Wednesday. I just didn't really feel great by Thursday, you know, it just really wasn't clearing up. So I contacted the doctor. They, you know, of course, gave me the drops, told me to do the drops, do it this many times a day, etc. So I did, but this whole time I was like developing like a really bad sore throat. So anyways, call the doctor back. Hey, you know, it's not really getting better. They're like well, you might want to get seen by a doctor. Let him look in there and really see what's going on. So, instead of going to like my doctor, I want to head to the eye doctor. They were able to squeeze me in, thank goodness. Shout out to Vision 2020 up here in Martinsburg. Excellent, excellent job. Fit me in. I was never waiting, even though I was, you know, even though they fit me in. Excellent doctor, excellent office. It has. It has like a really I don't know. I like the feel of when you go in there. It doesn't seem so commercial. It's really nice. He looked in there and he's put me on an additional medicine and you know, he's like you might want to follow up with your physician with your sore throat. Okay, cool, no problem.
Speaker 1:I believe that was like Friday, thursday, I'm sorry. So I wake up Friday and I couldn't breathe, not in like the lung capacity type of way, can't believe. Like literally on the left side of my neck, on the inside next side, it was just blocked. I could only breathe very little. It felt like breathing through a straw on the one side. It was like I had so much from having a bad sore throat and then a lot of mucus and things from draining.
Speaker 1:So I call my husband and I'm like where are you? Because he commutes to work. And he's like I'm here and I said, look, I think I got to go to hospital, so I need to get back here. And unfortunately that day school was going to be two hours delayed but they ended up closing it so I had no one to be with Eli and I didn't really know what to expect. To be honest, I didn't want him to even go with me to the emergency room. So anyway, I said, go to the emergency room, as the day was going on, even going there it was getting a little bit better, like I guess the movement I did lay down. Maybe I should have had more elevated stuff like that. So I get there.
Speaker 1:They do the steroid test. A steroid test I'm sorry, a strep test. You know we ended up doing X-rays Cause they're like do you want to do steroid? I'm like I'm at a hospital. I'm at a hospital. I don't want the things done that I can do in a doctor's office. You guys all got all the fancy equipment, I got health insurance. Let's see what the hell is going on in there.
Speaker 1:So they gave me a steroid IVs and they did see like a fullness on that side, probably from just all the drainage, as well as my sore throat, you know. You know it was probably very irritated in there. I swear those steroids they gave me though I had. Before walking up out of there I had no freaking sore throat, but they did an amazing job. Their ER here is really good in general. I have I've never had complaints about their ER. I just don't like once you're admitted that part of the hospital I don't like, but their emergency excellent. I didn't even have to wait, they were like on it, which made me feel good, cause I truly couldn't breathe well. So they gave me some medication, things like that. Talk to the ENT doctor. Everything Put me on a steroid and antibiotic regimen.
Speaker 1:I finished all of that up like guess a couple of days ago and then I went today for my eye doctor appointment for follow up to get released and he said everything's looking good, just a little dryness. I just gotta still do the refresh tears drop things and I go Monday to follow up the ENT just to see if he wants to check. But I think we'll be good because my throat definitely does not feel anything like it was. But I, you know, even though they said I didn't have to go, I wanna go cause I'm just kinda curious Like how did? Why am I starting to like develop so much mucus that it's making blockage, you know? And I've never even had a sore throat. So, yeah, guys, I've been like sick, sick, it was bad, it was scary.
Speaker 1:The plus to it is that pretty much got my annual checkup, blood work, all of that. So that was kinda nice to know that. You know, I'm not a diabetic, my cholesterol's good, my blood pressure's good. You know it's kinda nice to know that Saved me a trip, I guess, to the doctor but still going. But yeah, so I don't think I've ever shared that this on my podcast here.
Speaker 1:So, to be completely honest with you guys, I am a person I enjoy going to the dentist. I enjoy going to the doctors in the sense of meaning getting my checkups and stuff. Like it was never like a hardship for me. It was never like, oh, I gotta go to the doctor. It was never. It was like it was time to go get my dental cleaning. I'm four. It was time to get my annual checkups. I'm four, ever since being the caretaker of my father, that treatment for myself has changed a lot.
Speaker 1:So, mm-hmm, it is a true struggle for me now to go to dentist, doctor, anything like that, even though the incidents that were happening weren't happening directly to me as patient, it was happening to my dad. But I truly have, like I've been working with it and I, you know, talked to a therapist and different things like that. But I truly have PTSD and I'm this year. I really am trying to break out of it of not going to the doctors and appointments like I'm supposed to. It's just really hard. I don't know if there's any caretakers listening to me and everyone's different.
Speaker 1:You might take it the opposite way, where it's like I didn't used to go to doctor, now I go all the time. You know I make sure I go for my annuals and stuff because of whatever you go through with the patient or a loved one, because it was just hard. You know, every time going to the doctors with my dad, it was just. It was never good news, it was never great news. I'll say that, of course, my definition of great news is your cancer-free, your remission. You know what I mean. We would have decent news sometimes like, okay, the radiation work, it's stable, it's there but it's stable. I get that, but me I wanted it gone. So it was always not the best news. Every time we went, you know, it was just more and more doomed. So now when I go to appointments I'm just already wound up, even though I've never had like a truly bad diagnosis or a truly bad visit, things like that.
Speaker 1:But I don't know why it really bothers me Going through that experience as a caretaker of a loved one that I love so much and so deeply and so dearly. It just really, it really fucked with me. I don't even really know how to explain it. I know I've never said it on here, I'm kind of just opening up right now, but it really fucked with me. It has changed me in many ways, not just appointments, but even I mean when my son gets sick. I am a, I'm my husband's tight, I'm a wreck. It's just a common cold and I'm like I don't sleep, I don't eat, I'm a mess.
Speaker 1:I just don't do well anymore in certain situations that I used to be able to be very level-headed on and at least I well, should I say. I thought I was level-headed anyway, but I can't handle certain things anymore. Like I put it this way, I even though a lot of family members and things like that they come to me for certain things and certain times of need, being the fact that my experience of going through with my dad and they saw how involved I was and how I handled all of that for my dad I would actually be the worst caretaker if I had to do it again to anybody. Like I gave so much to that particular situation. I can't physically and mentally do it again for another loved one. Unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to. I could do it, but they wouldn't get that same level of what I've had before because my mindset is so different.
Speaker 1:There's things I regret about that time. You know, because you're me as well I was partly in denial. So you know I felt to a degree I had my dad fighting an effortless not an effortless, that's not the word I'm looking for. I had my dad fighting an inevitable disease. You know what I mean. If I had to do it over, I probably wouldn't have had him do so much trying to treat it. You know our cure. It was really my mindset. I would have, of course we would maybe would have attempted some things, but we wouldn't have went as deep as I would. I think I would have got to the point where I would have been like you know what, let's just enjoy life while you can enjoy it, versus me putting him in hospice towards the very end where he couldn't even enjoy life. You're just laying there. So I'm no good for anyone else, unfortunately.
Speaker 1:So this year I'm trying to get out of that. I'm really trying to break through the whole. I guess like my PTSD. In a sense, I'm trying to take some steps. So the story I told you guys just a little while ago, that was huge. Me going to the hospital to you all is like nothing, you couldn't breathe. It was huge for me. It was huge. I'm so glad I did it. I'm so proud of myself because that was a big step. You guys don't realize it, but for me, knowing what I'm going through or been going through, it was a huge step for me. And to get, like you know, leaving where I took it a step further. I'm like you know what I'm in this area. Let me get a doctor for this area. Not even asked and seek doctors for this area. Getting my blood rigged, just me, just even going to the eye doctor. It's huge. And following up with that and going to the ENT Monday, I feel good. I feel really good doing those steps Along with trying to break through, you know, some of the things with my PTSD.
Speaker 1:The other thing that I've been slowly doing I started this last year as well, but trying to connect my faith again. Of course you know I believe in God and things like that, but again it's again part of my caregiving, I guess what you call it, what do you call it? You get terminated. What is it? Severance package of not being let go of a caretaker position? It was my dad pass, I'm joking a little, but the after effects of being a caretaker of a loved one you got to remember, of course, at the end of the day, when I was praying those four years even. I even have them hearing, like my notes and different prayers that I would pray in. You know different things, but my talk with God was real, you know, and of course the outcome was nothing of what I wanted it to be and you know I've been struggling with that. You know it's like God. You're my Holy Father and you know me, you know my heart, you know my everything, my whole being, and it's like for me.
Speaker 1:I feel like I came to this person, this faith, this spirit, this being that is supposed to protect you, love you and be there for you, and I feel like came to him at a deep time of need, a very deep time of need, a very desperate need as well, praying and asking for my pretty much my father to be living, and not just I was direct, not just living, and you know all messed up from the cancer. But you know there was there's stages to the cancer. You know there was a phase 2016 was a really good year for my father 2016 and little part of 2017, if the cancer could have stopped at that point in whenever he mentioned for him to live like the next decade or so, you know it was. You know I was very specific. It goes even more specific than what I'm explaining now, but I'm just saying because I know some of you on the line well, why would you want your dad to live if he has cancer? That cancer makes him this and that I'm not talking about like how he would have been in more of his end years.
Speaker 1:There was a stage through this where remission would have looked really good for him Overall of course side effects from certain things, but overall was a good point for him and so having that faith is I think that will be the hardest and longest one for me to build because, again, looking at it as a parent, I know how I am with my kid. My kid comes to me wanting something and I can tell that they really, really want that thing. I'm going to do everything in my power to ensure they get that. One to see the look on their face and two, it just makes me feel good and I feel I went to God. At what I again, what I feel. I'm not saying. I know God works very different and I am more than sure that the way things shook out has their reasoning and it's Probably a good reasoning. I don't know, but has its reasoning. But I'm just speaking from how I've been feeling. As to you know why my relationship broke. I'm just explaining from that standpoint of the way I saw it and again, I don't expect anyone to agree nor disagree, I'm just talking.
Speaker 1:But going to God in the way that I went to God and the desperation, it was desperation as well, and For him to not grant it to me. You know what I mean. I just I Barely prayed again. It's a hard thing for me to do to the point that I Still pray I, but I'm so. What is the word? What is the word? I'm so skeptical of it that I'm careful about what I pray about. Here's what I mean. So anyone that knows me, or maybe I don't talk about my son that much on here, but I'm a crazy mom. I Know everyone loved their child. But let me tell you I love my child. I I love my baby as the most bombs do.
Speaker 1:So, for instance, I am almost afraid To pray for my son and needs for my son to God. I'm, and the reason being is because I feel so skeptical about what he can produce for me. I Hope I'm making a little sense, because the way I feel is, I once before went to God with such desperation and such Love and deep need from him of a situation and he did not grant it to me in the way I would have liked. I'll say that and that would have produced me still having my father here with me. So I'm almost afraid my son has a speech delay. I would say a severe speech delay for his age he's five.
Speaker 1:I Do pray about it, yes, but I'm afraid to pray for it Because I'm afraid of, once again, I will get an outcome that I don't want, that I'm not looking for. He won't grant the outcome that I'm asking for. You know, they say when you pray, you be bold. You be bold and forthcoming of what you're asking. I Felt I feel I've done that in the past about something that meant a lot to me my son. I love more than anything on earth, including myself. So I feel to give God Something that I love and cherish so much and then for him not to Hear my prayer and grant my prayer as I come to him boldly and specific of what I'm asking. I Couldn't handle that. So I am working through these things. I Hope you guys understand, kind of, where I'm coming from. I'm not a pastor, I'm not in religion like that, but I'm just trying to explain to you guys where I'm coming from and why I feel the way I feel.
Speaker 1:So this year, 2024, I have it's been. The other thing is, you know before, to eat the end of this year. So there are some things where I want to close out my 30s a certain way and begin my 40s a certain way. So, as you will see and hear, the more I put out episodes, there's a lot of things I'm like kind of checking off that list. And and don't get me wrong, don't think these things I'm talking about I didn't just start working on my only this year, because this year these are things I've been working at for the last about four, four years. It's just that I'm taking this year to try to really execute what I've been working on.
Speaker 1:So my trainings, my faith, um Me, just I do self care but getting more into myself and putting myself first doctors, and then, you know, working with my son even more and coming bold and building relationships with God and my son building those relationships with God. Those are like top top on my list. And you know, guys, I'm sorry, I feel like I'm bringing this is a podcast episode, I'm just like bringing the mood down, but you know I'm talking about something real. This was on my heart to discuss. I guess, and if there's others feeling the same way could be different situations but similar feelings. You know, I know what you're going through. I know what you feel.
Speaker 1:You know I don't have the answer. I'm not even going to pretend that I do, because I don't. I'm still working that through myself but try to have someone that you can talk to to help you. You know, come up with baby steps to get you guys where you need to be. You know, whatever that is it might not even be faith in God, it might not be going to the doctors it's something you know you should be doing, that you're not doing and there's some trauma possibly behind that. Try to get to the bottom of that.
Speaker 1:A lot of health insurances and stuff now give therapy and things for free, sessions for free or, you know, included in your premium to where you're not, you know, paying copays and stuff. Take, utilize them, take advantage of those things. It does help to talk to someone. It helps to journal as well. You know, definitely try to do what you can. I know that's what I'm doing. I'm just taking baby steps, but that time went pretty quick. Again, I don't try to make these too long. I want them to where you guys, you know, listen to it quick, without bogging you down or rambling on one. But yeah, I hope you guys are looking forward to an excellent weekend. Hopefully the weather will be a little nice like it was today. Today was pretty nice, yeah, but that's really all I got to say tonight. But until next time. Thank you for joining Coffee with the Twist, madame Belue. Until next time.