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Coffee with a Twist!
Coffee with a Twist!
From Coffee to Commitments Exploring Life's Transitions and Personal Growth
Taking a turn towards self-care and relationships, I recognize the importance of finding the right healthcare providers – from an OBGYN to a specialist for my son's speech delay. In the realm of the heart, we explore the complex dynamics of modern dating, defining what it means to be a boyfriend or girlfriend, and the significance of aligning commitment expectations. Remember, it's about understanding each other's perspectives and building a solid foundation before jumping headfirst into the deep end.
Then, we gear up for the long haul, discussing how pre-marriage counseling can be likened to regular vehicle maintenance for your relationship's engine. Such preparation can sort through the challenges of transitioning from the excitement of dating to the enduring partnership of marriage. So, pull up a chair, grab your favorite brew, and join me, Madame Belu, for a series of conversations that are as real as they come – no scripts, just genuine, heartfelt dialogue on life's rich tapestry.
Thanks for listening coffee with a twist.
Email me at: coffeewitatwist@gmail.com
Hey guys, welcome to Coffee with the Twist. You're here with Madame Belu. I hope you all had an excellent week and looking forward to a great, possibly relaxing, weekend for some. I am drinking my coffee with just cream and sugar Sugar in the Raw, or from the Raw, whatever you call it and half and half Very simple. I like simple coffee.
Speaker 1:Lately there's this coffee new coffee place near me that I've been getting the Candid Pecan coffee. It's actually really good. I go there maybe twice a month because you know it's a little pricey About the same price as a Starbucks in a sense but it you get a little more for your money and it to me it tastes better. I get all of those like specialty coffees. It's a lot with those like milks and the way they froth them and steam them. I feel if this place they do a really good job of giving me the flavor I'm looking for without it tasting so much like just milk. It's a nice. It's a new place. They finally opened so I finally got to check them out. They've been open for maybe about six months, possibly a little longer, so we were able to try them here recently and ever since I've been kind of going, but again not too crazy. The food there is good. They normally have like little sandwiches and stuff. My coffee is nice and hot, alright.
Speaker 1:So I'm doing this episode now because it is February 2nd, yes, and the month of February. I told you guys in January, so I hope y'all are on a similar kick. Vision boards no excuses should already have been done. If they're not, don't know what to tell you. I mean, again, it's never too late. I'll keep encouraging you. But let's 2024, you know. Let's start getting some stuff in place.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying you will accomplish everything on the vision board, don't even feel you need to but at least start taking the steps to do so. Once you start making those baby steps, you tend to want to keep going because you see progress. That's how I used to be, especially when I was in college. I enjoyed college because I felt like I was working towards something. You know what I mean. It just felt good. So you got to do what works for you. That works for me, maybe not works for others.
Speaker 1:But the month of February, like I told you guys last month, january was my month of like getting things prepped and ready for the rest of the year, which I did. I feel I did a good job. There's still some things that I need to get set up that I have not set up. That's on me, but I'll get it done. But anyways, the month of February I am extremely busy. Why you say I am busy?
Speaker 1:Because, like I told y'all, I have signed up for a couple of classes to get my certifications in different areas that I feel will enhance my resume, make me more marketable with the latest skills. Then I have some stuff to renew, like the one on Saturday I'm taking. It's to renew my Maryland real estate license. So I have an all-day class that I'm doing just to knock that out because I have to have renew it by the end of March. So that one is one. And then after this weekend, the next two weekends I'm busy on Saturdays and Sundays getting another cert, and then Monday and Tuesday of this coming week I'm in a two-day training getting another cert. So I'm gonna do my two-day training, then I'm gonna take some time to study and then the following week is my plan to take the test. So I'll probably take it, like next Monday, and hopefully, you know, I'll pass and that will be another cert and then I can get reimbursed through my full-time job and then I have. So that would be for February and then I'm gonna take a small break and then in March I have two other classes I'm planning to take. I'm taking some AI classes and of course the goal is to what? Get certified in that. So my plan is by the end of April I can properly update my resume to show that I have XMN-E certs and trainings, etc. Etc. So that is definitely I'm targeting it y'all.
Speaker 1:The piece that I will not be doing in February which really sucks but I might be able to do it the last week in February was I want to start doing webinars via Facebook or Zoom what have you for my real estate business. So that's something I still want to do. I'm gonna try to do it that last week because, again, as you guys know, I'm busy getting training like I'm not doing nothing. I'm training those couple of weekends and to do my real estate stuff it's on the weekends and I need like an hour or two to be able to put out a webinar. So the only weekend I'm available, I think if that's like the 24th, so I might try to work a way to fill it in for that week. I will know more like as I, you know, get closer to start advertising for it.
Speaker 1:But I'm telling you all as well, and if I do a webinar for the people that listen to me, if you guys do would like to join the free net webinar, I'll provide like the link and everything in the. I'll say it in an episode here and I'll also put it in the description of the episode so that you guys, if you want to join it, feel free. If you know anyone, please pass it along. Or even if you know anyone that's looking to do homebuy, even if it's not in the state that I work in, real estate for the most part is the same. You know nationwide, to a degree, just a couple of different state laws. But just keep in mind, just because I'm Maryland, pa, west Virginia, I can still. I still have connections in other states to where, if you know someone, or even yourself, who is looking to buy or just want to pop one just to learn more about home buying or being a landlord or different things, you know I can target it for my audience. But I can definitely refer you to a good realtor that I would feel that would be good to meet your needs or a friend's needs. So, you know, don't count me out. Still, you know, if you have real estate questions, feel free to reach out. You can look me up, melissa, be good, g-o-o-d-e, you know, and send me a message or what have you. But yes, I'm one here promoting my other business, but let's get back to coffee with a twist. But yes, so I hope my actions of doing is encouraging you all to do, be doers this year.
Speaker 1:The other thing I've been doing walking pretty much daily. I try to walk twice a day. I'm not going to lie to you. This morning I have not gone for a walk yet. I was planning to as I put my son on the bus, but it's raining outside, which, nope, it doesn't stop me from doing anything. So I wanted to do this episode. I have my first meeting at 10, so my goal is around nine. I'll see if it's raining. If it's still raining, I will do an indoor exercise, maybe some dancing or something like that. I'm just really trying to maximize my time and areas, getting all my work done as well as fitting in my personal stuff as well. That's done.
Speaker 1:Another thing that I'm extremely proud of myself for is I found a OBGYN up this way closer to me, closer to home. I've always had one, but it's like I figured, okay, put it this way. Y'all heard my last episode. Y'all know the issues I've been having with when it comes to the medical field. But it's easier for me to not go when I have to travel 45 minutes to an hour away. You know what I mean. Oh, it's too much of this. So I went on ahead and I found and made the appointment for OBGYN in the area. It was so great because I made the appointment on Wednesday and they had an appointment the very next day. So I went yesterday, got all checked up, things are good and 14 minutes from my house. She had a good rating. All of that. I'm not just going to any old body, but still I'm getting all my medical care near me. That also will help with help break me, get through this barrier that I'm trying to break through.
Speaker 1:So my next thing is I'm looking for a primary care physician. I did some calling around. Right now everyone is so backed up, so I've been trying to, you know, find someone. I'm a couple that I've called that. You know. I looked up and things like that. You know they're accepting new patients. They don't have any spots available, they don't have schedules out. So I'm going to try again next week and then, after I get a primary care, I'm actually going to switch my sons to up this way as well, just trying to find the right doctor for him, with him having speech delay and stuff like a developmental pediatrician, things like that. So, guys, I'm very proud of myself for doing that for me.
Speaker 1:What I just spoke about was a huge step. It really was. So kudos to me. I have to give myself some kudos, all right. So I really don't know what I'm planning to talk about today, but there's a couple of different things that have popped in my mind this past like week or possibly even longer, might have been a couple of weeks, it's just that I haven't gotten a chance to get on here but a big one that, like I want to talk about, is.
Speaker 1:So you know, this we're going to talk about, I guess, relationships. So I come to realize you know we all might have hiccups in our relationship, rather if it's boyfriend, girlfriend, rather if it's husband, wife. You know even friendships, and you know I find when, when some couples or relationships have like a lot of problems, issues, you know how we always say, oh, it's not communication, communication. I'm not saying communication isn't a problem, but I think we let's take it to another scale, maybe what we have to realize when we're dating someone or with someone the word girlfriend, boyfriend, the definition of those for everyone is probably different. So, for instance, I could think boyfriend and girlfriend means that you're in a committed relationship. If we are boyfriend and girlfriend, we're committed, and we're committed in the sense of we're still getting annoyed each other to move forward, to try to build towards, let's say, a marriage or that style. Because I'm not. I don't feel you have to be married to be in a very committed relationship. Some people just don't want the marriage part. So that might be my definition.
Speaker 1:Versus you ask someone else, male or female, they might say what does boyfriend and girlfriend mean to you? To them it could mean yeah, we're together, but it might not mean such mean so much of a commitment as the other may think in the sense of like, yeah, we're together, but we're just kicking it, trying to get to know each other and see where it goes. You see the difference in that I kind of said the same thing, but the first part of the commitment and getting annoyed each other. But someone else could take boyfriend, girlfriend in the sense of we're boyfriend and girlfriend but we're just kicking it, getting to know each other. That small, simple difference could make the difference good or even bad.
Speaker 1:In the way me and that person might communicate and have the expectations of each other Doesn't fully mean that the other person's cheating or looking at others, but they could be thinking like you know, this is for the now. See where it goes. If it goes further, we go with it. If it doesn't, you know. It's just they look at it more, maybe, as a friendship than boyfriend and girlfriend because think about it nowadays People don't be friends before they become boyfriend, girlfriend, let's be honest, typically not. That's not a thing, even though it probably should be and it would avoid a lot of breakups, I feel. But I feel like people use the boyfriend, girlfriend portion to be friends and get to know each other.
Speaker 1:And the problem with that I feel this is just my opinion and again me just analyzing a little the problem with that sometimes might be, since you are looking at it as more like a friendship your boyfriend and girlfriend you're doing what society or what you've seen or what society tells you to be as a boyfriend, girlfriend, and even if you feel that person's not fully for you, you still go along with it in a sense, because you're kind of. You might feel trapped in it in the sense of like, and not even just trapped, but you might genuinely care about the person. You might genuinely care about the person and it's like man, we've been together I don't know five years, you know what I mean. And maybe, and then you start making excuses well, maybe it's just because we've been together so long we need to like spice it up, things like that. And that's where I think, like marriage comes in. It's like, well, what do you do after boyfriend and girlfriend phase? But not realizing really, you're just at a friendship phase and maybe it should just stay at friendship phase or it should then go to the boyfriend girlfriend phase and then you have that phase and then it goes into marriage. But I feel like the way that we do it, it's like you meet someone oh, they're cute, they're this, will you be my boyfriend, will you be my girlfriend? And that's what it is, and you're using that time to learn each other, versus let's be friends, you know, let's chill. Whatever you do you, I do me type of thing and see where it goes.
Speaker 1:Relationships have changed so much and I commend the ones who can see past the, the standard or the I don't know the society view of boyfriend, girlfriend or fiance or husband and wife and be able to know like, hey, this person is not for me. You know what I mean. It takes a lot to be able sometimes to just be like, nah, this ain't working. You know what I mean. That takes a lot of because some people don't want to be alone and I mean, and sometimes you are walking away from a good person, it's just that they're not for you, and it takes. I commend anyone that can do that because that is hard. I'm sure we've all have done it at some point, or even it's been done to us, but it's a hard thing to do. I would like to say so.
Speaker 1:And then you get into the marriages and then, of course, to a degree you may have had some talks, but since you've never been married, you don't really know what talks to have before marriage. Let's think about it Certain talks you didn't even know that you had to have because you never been married before to know that you should ask these questions, but same premise. Okay, what does marriage mean to you? What does marriage mean to me? Marriage to some women might mean you put me on a pedestal, it's all about me. Then you have some men who feels marriages like Well, you know, I'm putting God first, my kids second, then my wife, versus the woman might feel marriages you put I put me and my husband first, then God, then our kids, or vice, or my husband, my kids, then God, whatever that may be. But as you see the example I just gave, they're not the same.
Speaker 1:So you're going to have problems If the man or the woman's expecting the other to like put them up on a pedestal or put them first, we're already at a disadvantage, right? Because that man or that woman doesn't feel the same, doesn't feel that you should be put on a pedestal first. So that's something you'll have a problem with, probably for the rest of your marriage. And then it gets to. Are you willing to settle for that? Do you? How badly do you want that person to put you up on that pedestal or put you first? Are you going to settle? Are you going to just deal with it, or will you come to terms and see, maybe, that person's point of view, because sometimes when you communicate well, you can see the other person's point of view. Sometimes it's all about perception and communication. So, yes, we go back to communication is key.
Speaker 1:But also, let's be honest, how many people might have asked the question of what does marriage mean to you, to their significant other, before they got married? Probably not, because sometimes you just assume, let's say, since our boyfriend, girlfriend ship and fiance ship was going well to where you know, boyfriend, girlfriend, was going well to where you asked me to be your fiance, fiance ship, that's typically a breeze and great, because you're planning to get married, everyone's happy, so you're assuming already to a degree that y'all are compatible, things are good. So you're probably not asking certain questions for marriage because of the simple fact that we're doing great what. We are on the same page. It's an assumption, and you might be on the same page, but it's still an assumption, so you don't ask the question.
Speaker 1:So now I get why you know you probably should do marriage counseling well, pre marriage counseling, before getting married, because that person is set, there is. We'll sit there and ask and talk about the things that you're not even thinking about talking about or even they're not on your radar at all. So it may be good to do pre marriage counseling. That way you do have an inkling of how a person is thinking, how your significant other is thinking, to know, you know, and, of course, do it well in advance. I mean, typically you get it proposed to you, don't plan your wedding. You plan your wedding, but it's typically a year out, sometimes two years out, so you have that time. You know you can do counseling 3045 days. You know and you'll know.
Speaker 1:Hey, all right, not saying everything will be perfect, but you guys got that communication open to know. Okay, all right, you want five kids, I only want three kids. How are we going to do this? You want in marriage, you want to put God first in marriage. I don't want God to be first, I want my children to be first. You know, and again, all of these things you probably could speak to. A negotiated gosh Barrett is really like a business. You probably can negotiate it as long as the person can see your viewpoint, but you don't even know what to ask or what to talk about because you never been married. So I definitely suggest that people do pre marriage counseling. And yes, I'm saying it and yes, I did pre marriage counseling. Um, and I do feel throughout the marriage you should maybe seek counseling and it doesn't and it shouldn't.
Speaker 1:Don't bring marriage counseling into it Once things are bad. Bring marriage counseling into it even when it's good. You know what I'm saying. It doesn't just because it's good Don't mean that y'all don't need to have conversations to keep it, to keep it good, like. Think of it as like a maintenance, you know, for the marriage. Um, still get counseling Good, it's good to have someone still to talk to. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Don't think of marriage counseling as just um for the bad times, cause, let's be honest, depending on the type of person you are, even your spouse, some people once they're mad, they're mad. It's like once I got the bad taste in my mouth, it's there. I'm just here cause you, you're asking me to be and I'm trying to be kind of a team player, but I really don't want to be here. Think about it. Think about like at work. Take a drink of sip of my coffee. Guys, hold on, this is really good. But anyways, think about at work.
Speaker 1:Let's say, um, try and think of a good example, cause we and I'm bringing up work, because I feel like that's something we can all relate to. Let's say your boss got on your nerves today. I don't know, maybe there was some miscommunication between you and your boss. Let's say your boss told you to do something and I don't know. Then try to make it seem like they didn't tell you that you know, and you're like I know you did, you might be a little upset, right? So pretty much for the rest of that day depends on the type of person you are maybe even the rest of the week you kind of got a little, just a little to the little attitude with your boss. You're kind of just there doing the motions, going to the meetings, just kind of sitting there, being quiet, just kind of disgusted by it and of course in your head plotting like all right, what can I do so this won't happen again, type of thing.
Speaker 1:I use that example because marriage similar, depending on the type of person they are, they're upset with you. You're going to marriage counseling because y'all are in a disagreement, y'all are feuding and fighting. You see what I'm saying. So yeah, we're going because you know we're supposed to. Society tells you you supposed to fight for your marriage. So you go, but you're kind of just there. You see what I'm saying. You're there but you're not going in the right direction. You're there but you're not going in the right headspace. You're going in a headspace of anger and like, depends on how you feel, even about therapist, like oh, gotta go this, you making me do this or he's making me go.
Speaker 1:So I say that to say the outcome of it and what you're getting out of it would be different versus if you guys are just going for a healthy maintenance, well, let's just go talk, let's, you know, have someone to talk to about our marriage. And you know what have you. It just comes across differently. It really does. It comes across differently you. You receive it differently. The messages that your spouse is saying, the messages that the therapist may be saying or counselors saying, you hear it differently. First of all, when you're upset, you hear it. You hear everything negative, even if it's not negative. You won't even try to see that person's point of view, even if you know they write, you just want them to be wrong because you piss. So you know you really need to just keep the maintenance, you know.
Speaker 1:And or even even if you don't have a counselor, maybe if you and your spouse decide, hey, every three months, let's, let's set a date where we have no distractions. We take two hours to talk about our relationship, talk about our future, talk about us. We're just talking about us, you know, especially a mature relationship. You can do that to where, again, nothing's going on. But you could, that's what you can bring up. Hey, babe, you know, I really didn't, like you know, two months ago. I don't know, I don't even know what example I can bring up. Yeah, I don't like how you put me on blast in front of everybody, like that, you know. And the future, please don't do that. Cool, you give your.
Speaker 1:I'm just making up shit at this point. I really don't know, you know. But I'm just saying you can set a date for you know. But I'm just saying you can set aside time that four times a year y'all talk to each other. Same way y'all will have date night. It can be kind of a date night, but have it targeted for the relationship, not just a date night we're getting away from the kids and we just party and type of thing. No, a date night where y'all still can have dinner stuff, but it's to talk about the relationship, shit. Make a checklist If you need to have topics you need to talk about. Through that, you know, throughout those months before y'all talk, you know and I'm not saying just build everything up for that one moment, not saying that either. I mean I think it's healthy that pretty much every night when y'all lay in bed you know to have a little banter back and forth, rather if it's about how your day was or you know normal shit, or around the dinner table, talk about whatever. So I'm not saying build it all up for that. I mean some things you talk about it at the moment, but I'm just saying set some time away for you all. That is different than a date night. That's more set aside to hey, you know.
Speaker 1:So, all right, what, what, what plans do you would you like to do for the future? You know, with us, or even yourself, and that's a good and that's good. Let's say, for instance, like all the training I'm about to do for the month of February, that's big, because guess what? The stuff that I'm doing is taking me away from my family For those few weekends, for those hours, for the next three weeks. You see what I'm saying. So a communication, because he might have stuff he needs to get done. Or you know, hey, he needs to know. So he knows. Hey, look, you got to have you know kids for right now. Because I'm doing this and this. Why are you doing that? Because of blah, blah, blah. Okay, no problem. You see what I'm saying Communication.
Speaker 1:So that's the communication piece. But you know, you're making a decision, you're letting your spouse know, hey, this is why I'm doing this. I really, you know, I mean I'm not saying you have to give a reason, I mean they might not really care the reason, but I'm just saying what. I'm using my example. I'm going to be in training for the next three weekends, saturdays and Sundays. So, babe, I'm going to need a little bit more rest because my classes are early. I got to go to bed early. That means you got him all day and pretty much nights because I have to do this, this and that the two days that I'm doing training Monday, tuesday, they go over. I'm normally can get Eli off the bus at two. I can't do that today. You got to get you know little things. It's just a communication, that open banter, sure, no problem.
Speaker 1:So it, you know, your, your, your household is going to be a little different for the month of February. So it's a communication thing versus you just do it and he's surprised, like why do I? You know what's going on, you know what I'm saying. That starts a problem where it doesn't need to be one. So I don't know.
Speaker 1:But you know, pre marriage counseling, shoot and okay, I guess the people that plan not to get married but want to be in serious relationship, it's the same. You might. I don't know how it works in the medical world in the sense, because I mean that falls under medicine, meaning therapy. I'm sure there's some type of therapy that you can get For just being in a healthy relationship. I don't know if that would be a marriage counselor or just a regular Therapist to help with relationship, but still have that commitment piece to it to where they can help talk you through. And again, like I said, it does not have to be With a person. You y'all can make a conscious choice yourself to set aside time to talk about your relationships at different points. Yeah, I went a whole different direction than I expected y'all, but I hope this was good information. And again, keep in mind, these are just my opinions.
Speaker 1:I get on here to talk and I enjoy it. It's my outlet as well. I Do this. Hopefully you take some of these topics and y'all take it around your family and friends and have some conversation starters.
Speaker 1:I'm no professional, I'm none of that, as you guys know, especially the fans that, that listeners that Listen to me. Often I just be on here talking. I Don't. It's not for me to impose my opinion on anyone. My opinion may not even be in link or in sync with y'all. I'm just gonna hear talking sometimes and, um, you know, I Just enjoy it. It's a good outlet and I hope that it's a good outlet for you all as well.
Speaker 1:Just to Talk and, you know, listen to something that's not the typical worldly stuff we got going on out there. I try to keep it from the politics and all that stuff. So if you're new to listening to me, please go listen to my first Like one or two episodes and you will understand the base of my Podcast. You'll understand, while it's not so polished, I try to be very real and raw. I don't do all the Fancy smanchy. I don't edit these things which you'll hear. Um, literally I don't write anything down. Yes, I do think of topics, but I don't rehearse anything. This what the direction I go is just the direction I go that day. So Listen to my first couple of episodes and you will see or read my bio, you know, in the first On my podcast as a whole and you'll see what this platform is about.
Speaker 1:But I will end it there. I hope everyone has a great rest of the day, great weekend, as always. I enjoy, enjoy, enjoy putting these out and I will try to put some out throughout the entire month of February. But I will end it there because I'm rambling, rambling. But yes, thank you for tuning in coffee with a twist, madam below.