How I Hold Joy And Loss At The Same Time

We sit with the tension of grief and gratitude as the year winds down, sharing how listening, community, and small, specific goals helped us keep moving. Parenting wins, mom guilt, and the quiet power of timing shape a practical plan for a gentler new year.

• holiday stress and year-end reflection 
• unexpected loss, funerals, and shared remembrance 
• empathy through listening rather than lectures 
• balancing joy and grief in daily life 
• parenting progress and the reality of mom guilt 
• choosing with limited information and accepting timing 
• vision boards with personal, family, and kid goals 
• breaking big goals into small measurable steps 
• letting go, resetting, and moving forward

Make sure you do your vision board. Try to have it done by 11:30 on New Year’s Eve so you can ring in the new year with those goals.

Transcript

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Holiday Chaos And Year-End Check-In

SPEAKER_00 4:29

Hey guys, welcome back to Coffee with a Twist. Hope you all are having a great week. Had a great weekend. Looking forward to Christmas. We only have what another day or so to get things situated. The traffic is crazy, of course. A place that will take you 10 minutes to get to is now taking you 30 plus. Just be safe and you know, do as much online shopping as you can or or uh store pickup things like that, if it will help. Just wanted to get on the on here before the end of the year. Man, this year has gone by just so fast. And you know, it's been one of those years. 2025 has been a year. Uh since my last episode. I know it's been a while. I did it back early November.

Coping With Unexpected Loss

SPEAKER_00 5:42

Uh my family and I have had a couple more challenges. Um two deaths and my family, additional deaths. Um one, they're both were unexpected. One was way more unexpected than the other, but you know, you just roll with the punches, I guess, at this point. It it's it's just crazy, you know, life. And the older I get and the more that life lifes I don't know what it is. Am I becoming numb? Am I I don't know. Is it a um what do you call it? Like um a shield that maybe I'm putting up to get through. I I I don't I don't know. It just really sucks, you know. Um attending funerals and and feeling grief this time of year. I mean, this time of year I feel is hard on everyone in general. Most people have lost someone, you know, um, some type of loved one that has maybe impacted their life. Um rather if it's a death or even, you know, that person might not be around, or you know, it's more than just death. I mean, there's different things people can be incarcerated. As you guys know, I have a brother that's incarcerated. Um, you know, it could be someone just on hard times, it's different statements to, you know, your loved ones not being around that that can mean many things.

Empathy And The Power Of Listening

SPEAKER_00 7:35

But um, you know, as a person who's been through different things in life, like you have empathy for others and can feel for others when they are going through certain griefs, because you know, to get anywhere in life, you have to go through things. And I'm sure all of us have been through something, you know. So when someone else is going through it, a stranger or even someone you know well, you you do have empathy for them because it makes you think back to maybe when you were that same person, you know, and that same that person in that same um situation. So, you know you for me, I never ha know how to console someone or I guess that's the word, console them. Um again, not just about death or losing someone, just about anything, you know, just you know, find not being financially stable or where you want to be at. I'm not good at consoling people because I feel like sometimes a person just needs a listening ear, not a cliche, not a oh, when I was in that situation, this sometimes that's not necessary. Um even though we have been in that predicament and you feel it and you maybe want to give advice to someone, I think it's a time and a place when you can give your experience or share your experience and what you did with someone. Um, you know, just think about yourself during that time when you're going through it, and the person that's giving you all this advice to you may have seemed like they've never been, you know, in this predicament or that they may have more than you or even less than you, and you you're like, why are you saying anything? So sometimes I think just a listening ear is all a person needs, not even for you to share your experience at that time. Um, I think you know there will be a time and a place where you would be able to share some positive knowledge and advice to, you know, a person that may need it. Um but yeah, the holidays are here. Um, it does not feel like Christmas to me. I feel like we have one more week. I'm still in like Christmas spirit, I will say. Um, even though I've been, like I said, attending funerals

Remembering Loved Ones Together

SPEAKER_00 10:37

and things. I attended a view in and funeral for my cousin um right after Thanksgiving, the next day, the next two days after Friday and Saturday. Um she was an older cousin of mine, not very old, you know, in her early 50s. And um, I don't know, it just you know, certain things, it was it was just unbelievable. Like, and she has a distinctive voice, even while I'm talking right now, I'm like closing my eyes and thinking here, I'm like hearing her voice. I'm like replaying it in my head. But um, but yeah, and then you know, my aunt passed, and I went to her service. They had like a memorial service for her um a week or two. Um maybe it was like the beginning of December. So yeah, and I'm glad they did something. I I do feel we've if you've been on earth, you had to have most most people, you have had to have touched someone's life. Um, and I think it's nice to to sit around and share those memories. Um, when you're grieving, sometimes you don't you think, oh, I'll do it alone, I'll do it on my time. But sometimes you need that group setting um to hear about how a person that meant so much to you, how they also impacted others. There's a lot of, you know, everyone has a different story for that same person or a different experience with that person. So I think it's just um it's good sometimes to celebrate together um the you know, someone that you may have lost. But yeah, it's been one of those

Holding Positives Amid A Hard Year

SPEAKER_00 12:43

years. But you know, um, even though it's been that type of year, I'm still in pretty good spirits. Um, and even though there's been some, you know, negative things on my family that have, you know, really taken us back, a lot of good has happened as well this year. And you know, you just gotta remember when these things happen, it's a good time to maybe reassess um your mindset or your thought process, and you know, put different goals for yourself. Um, for instance, like one of my things are, and this is before even this year, but you know, life happened, and you know, I try to go like when my family or friends invite me to things, I try to go. Um, not just because I want to be at everything, it's not that it's you know, as we're getting older, you just never know when the last time you're gonna see someone. So, you know, I try to be involved as much as I can with my friends and family and for my kids to learn and get to know their family. Um, you know, it's good to have a community and to grow up with a

Vision Boards And Goal Buckets

SPEAKER_00 14:14

good community, you know, and foundation and things around you. That's at least how I grew up. So I try to keep that as best as I can. So it's definitely a great time, you know, it's that time of year anyway, where I'm like, do your vision board. You guys are probably like, oh, she's talking vision board stuff again. Yeah, I am, because it does help. So, like I was just saying earlier, you know, it's been a rough year, but it's also been a lot of positives this year. So when I write my vision board, I have it in a few different sections. So I have like my personal goals for me, I have my family goals, which is like my household, I have my son's goals, like goals I have for my son that you know it involves me to work on with him, and goals for my husband, um, things like that. So I like I I have a few different goals going. So on my vision board, you know, even though it might be like small setbacks here and there, but I have had like with my son, it's been this has been an excellent year for him, um growth-wise and progress-wise, and and it, and it's amazing. Um I feel like every week he's changing. Like it's um, I don't know how to explain. It's just crazy. Every week he's you know, doing something new, learning something new,

Parenting Wins, Growth, And Mom Guilt

SPEAKER_00 15:54

um, new um vocabulary, new words, new just his growth is just is so amazing to see. It makes me so happy. Um you know, it's a a lot. I do a lot with him every day, all day. I feel it's it's we we we stay busy. Um, but I'm just just so proud of like all his growth and and how he continues to learn and continues to keep trying. And you know, it's it's just so amazing seeing these like milestones of his and you know, where he was at two months ago versus this month or two weeks ago or a year ago, and it's it's just so impressive as a mom. I I feel such joy raising him. Um, I don't know what the heck I'm doing, but you know, I'm trying, you know. Um being a parent is hard, it's hard being a parent. Um, I used to hear people talk about mom guilt and different things like that. And let me tell you, that shit is real. Like, you know, it is real. Like for me, you try to make the right choices and do the right things, but you never know if what you're doing is the right decision. You you know, you have this little person kind of just dependent on you and and what you say and what how you direct them, and that that's hard, you know, because sometimes you can sit back and the work you put in and the direction you put them in, you see it work out, like, oh good, it works. But then also there's times where you're like, oh my god, I wish I would have done this or said this or took them in this direction. You know, there's always something, you know, that can make you question your parenting or your parenting style or the decisions you make. Um, I I go through that daily. Um, there's a couple of things that you know I have regret for that I'll probably never live down. Um you know, so you you do you beat yourself up really hard. And you know, I would like to sit here and say, oh, you really shouldn't, you really shouldn't, but you're going to. That's part of being a parent, especially when you're a very involved parent. And you know, you it's hard. It's hard to not beat yourself up, even though you should not beat yourself up. It is a hard thing to do. So I'm not gonna sit here and be like, don't do it. Um, you know, know in the back of your mind that you shouldn't. I feel like you should have your time in that moment to beat yourself up, but don't let that moment last too long. Um move on. You know, a lot of times you make decisions and you do things based off of what's presented to you, what's in front

Regret, Choice, And Timing

SPEAKER_00 19:32

of you. And that's okay. That's that's all of us. It's kind of like even when if you're looking for a job, let's say you have two positions, you know, two companies wanting you, and you go with the other versus the other. And then let's say a year or two down the road, the one you chose, they're going to do layoffs, or you don't get along with the boss, whatever it may be. And then it's like, oh man, I probably should have took the other one. It's you go with what's presented to you. You might have took the job you did because of maybe aligned more with your work-life balance and what you needed, and maybe pay, or maybe their benefits were a little better, whatever it was for the timing of you at that time at life two years ago, or whatever you know, the time frame was. So sometimes you just go with what's presented, and that's okay. You know, that's how it's supposed to be, you know. You you you there's no manual to to our life as we know. Um, wish it were, but there isn't. You can plan things to the T, and something will still be out of place. And a lot of times that out of placement is probably the best thing that can happen to you. So you you just never know. But 2025 is coming to an end, so I really wanted to get on here because I do not know if I'll get on here before the new year. I'm definitely gonna try. I always try, but it has been a good year. Um, overall, I have not done as many episodes as I would have liked to this year. Um, again, I have no excuse. Um, it it's just the way it goes. But, you know, it's been a good year. And if I don't get to do another episode, you know, I know I'm kind of just rambling, but make sure you do your vision board. You know my rule. Try to have it done by 11:30 on Christmas. I mean, sorry, on New Year's Eve. So you can ring in the new year with those goals. Look at your old goals from last year, even the year before. And it's okay if you didn't get to all of them. Roll them over into this year to 2026, but then look at all the things that you most likely have checked

Reset For 2026 With Small Steps

SPEAKER_00 22:07

off the list. So again, don't stay in that moment of, oh my God, I didn't get to this. As we know, when you're young and when you're a kid, time just seems like forever. But as we get older and we do our robotic schedule of life, go to work, tend to your kids, try to relax, tend to your family, cook, clean, whatever it is. Um, it goes quick, even though you're doing that same robotic schedule, it goes very quick. So be happy that you can check something off of that vision board. And most of the time, you check off more of what you have accomplished than what you haven't accomplished. So don't live in the moment of too long of the moment, you know, of beating yourself up that you didn't get to everything. Things have a way of lining up, even though you might not have got to it. When the time comes, it might be the best thing that happened that you didn't do that quite yet. Who knows? You know what I mean? Um, could be let's say if it was a course or something you were gonna take, who knows? Maybe next year your your company's bringing it in and paying for it and and everyone's getting it or something. Just little, little, small wins and small blessings that happen. Sometimes it's just about timing. It wasn't the time to do it. So, you know, take this next couple of weeks, which is not much, you know, think back and try to get some relaxation in and think about some, you know, measurable goals that you can take and write down on your vision board. And remember, sometimes it's a bunch of small goals to get you to your bigger goal. So your bigger goal might not be till a few years out, but to get there, you need to do a couple of small things. And that's okay. Write it down, you know. Get don't live in the moment of, you know, I wish I did, or that, you know, live in it for a little, but not too long. Um, even though I'm saying that I that's something I'm practicing, I'm trying to practice, you know. We all have some type of uh we're always harder on ourselves than than others, you know. We critique ourselves really hard, we have our a certain standard for ourselves, and nothing's wrong with that, but you can also get lost in that,

Gratitude, Community, And Sign-Offs

SPEAKER_00 24:52

so don't get lost in that. We have to enjoy this life the best way that we can, and sometimes that's letting go, letting go, live in the moment, live in that regret or doubt or this or that for a moment, and then move on, get yourself together, come up with a new game plan, and just put one foot in front of the other and see where it gets you. Before you know it, this time next year, I'll be right, I'll be doing another episode saying very similar things, but I do hope and pray that my 2026 um, not that it'll be better or worse or this or that, but I just hope a lot of my loved ones, I hope my loved ones that I have currently are still here with us and in good health. Cause um, you know, I think we could take a nice little break from losing people um with saying that I'm not trying to trade it for anything else negative either. Um, but you know, we know this life, not everything can just be perfect, but if if it can be, I would love for my 2026 and forward some years after to be a pretty uneventful year. Um, you know, again, we know it can't always be butterflies and rainbows, but um I I pray and hope that for everyone listening to my voice, including myself, that um we have that type of year. We have a you know, a really good year. Um where we just, you know, handling business and doing what we gotta do, and all of our loved ones are with us and healthy and and our families are just safe, you know. That's that would be nice. All right, well, I'm gonna end it there. Sorry to ramble a little. It was just kind of on my heart to put something out, and I again, as you guys know, I typically don't prepare. I might have something on my mind or so and do it from that, but I kind of just went where it went. So thank you all for always sticking and downloading. I have like, I probably will end up doing another one, like looking at my stacks, my stats and stuff. You guys, I'm very grateful that you guys have been listening to me all this time, and people are still downloading episodes and things from my first season, and and that you guys just listen to me. I like I said, I'm very, as you guys know, I don't edit. I'm just this, I'm on a phone, recording. Um, I don't I don't do anything special with my uh podcast like many do. Um, I try not to make it um like a job because then I really won't do it. This is a hobby, and you see how much I can do it. So imagine if it's a job, it's you know, you tend not to do it even though I enjoy it. So I just thank you guys for you know continuing to listen to me, sharing, you know, my podcast with friends and family and things like that. I do appreciate it. Um again, this is my outlet, and I just hope, you know, things I say or things you hear on here when I have someone on, things like that. You know, hope I hope it helps someone or at least put you in a relaxing, you know, space. All right, I am going to end it there. So that's today's twist. Same coffee, but a new perspective today. I keep trying all these different sign-offs. We're gonna probably gonna kind of do a couple of different ones all the time, but I like that one. And then um I like this one too. Until our next cup, keep life bold and the coffee strong. I really like that one. So, all right, you're here with Madam Balou. Have a great evening. Coffee with a twist.