How I Learned To Advocate For My Son While Supporting His Teachers

A cold morning at the playground turns into a gut-level talk about the messy middle of school, support plans, and the daily work of advocating for your child without burning bridges. We open up about what it really feels like to sit across from a table of professionals, push for services, and still honor the reality that teachers are carrying more than ever. If you’ve ever left an IEP meeting both proud and exhausted, this one will feel like a hand on your shoulder.

We walk through the push and pull between general education and special education, and how decisions on paper ripple through a real classroom with real limits. You’ll hear why detailed, measurable goals matter, how to ask for clarity without escalating tension, and when to slow the process down so you can think. We share the small moves that add up: putting requests in writing, summarizing meetings with short emails, and tying every ask to educational benefit. There’s also practical mindset work—reading body language, naming shared goals, and using gratitude as a bridge, not a bribe.

Along the way, we keep it human and unpolished, because parenting and teaching are both living, imperfect work. The goal is not to win against the school; it’s to build a team around a child who deserves access, growth, and dignity. If you’re seeking real talk about IEPs, parent-school relationships, and advocacy that lasts beyond one meeting, you’re in the right place. Subscribe, share this with a parent who needs backup today, and leave a quick review to help more families find honest support.

Thanks for listening coffee with a twist.

Email me at: coffeewitatwist@gmail.com

Note: I don’t own copyrights to any music you hear in any of my episodes. 

Transcript

Playground Check-In & Weekly Reset

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey guys, welcome back to Coffee with a Twist. You're here with Madame Balou. Hope you all had a great week and a great weekend. Looking forward to your upcoming week. I am right now at the playground with my son. Um, it's been a couple of nice days. Today is nice. Right now it's getting colder. My voice, I sound worse than I feel. Um, I did have a little head cold. I'm finally getting over it. I wanted to bring my son out, get some energy out this weekend. We played in the backyard yesterday, but we don't have like a jungle gym or anything in the backyard. It's just kind of bring toys out and play. So um today he seemed like he was ready to get out. So brought him on out. So letting him play and get ready, uh, get some energy out so he can uh have a productive week. Uh hope you guys are enjoying the weather, depending on where you are. Um but yeah, so I just wanted to hop on here really quick and see how everyone was doing and to say hello and um you know get ready for this week. Uh as I was driving here, I was thinking about like teachers and things like that, and you know, teachers have a tough job, you know. And before I even start talking about that, full disclaimer here, I am not a teacher. Um anything that I say is my experiences, and uh that's it. It's not like a fact or something that's like written in a book. It's things I have gone through with myself going to school, my son, etc. So anything I say is not intended for any uh offensiveness or anything like that. Again, not saying I'm planning to say anything bad, I'm just you know, speaking about my experiences. But um, you know, teachers have a pretty tough job, and I feel like as decades go on, I feel like it gets harder for them. Um, you know, and the more that we evolve with like mental health and and uh you know and and we um trying to think of the right word, the more that we become more knowledgeable in those areas with health, like mental health and things, and get more exposure to like the spectrums and and different disorders and different things that are out there, it makes it so much harder for the teachers because we always have known, I would like to think, that it's never been a one-size fit all, but that's the way that we operate it for decades, centuries probably, and you know, you you as you as things change you evolve. So the teachers have to deal with the evolving business, but their paycheck probably doesn't evolve, and that's hard. So it is very hard, I feel, for teachers and parents because as a parent, you want to advocate for your child and be able to not just advocate for your kid, but also try to abide and have reasonable and uh empathy for the staff, you know, some things that you might need to advocate for could put a hindrance to the teacher or the staff, etc. But you you have to kinda. It's it's a double-edged sword. So for me, for instance, my son has an IEP, and he uh so he does general ed and special ed. And it's tough because at the end of the day, I'm his mom. So the only thing I care about is him. Gotta remember, there's 30 other of him in the classroom, you know. So it's the one teacher, their aides against, you know, just me and my one child. So sorry guys. So when I'm advocating for my son, of course, they're advocating for what the policies are and other kids or or themselves. So I find myself, I try to be fair when I advocate for my child, I try to advocate also for my teeth the teachers. The re what I mean by that is we all know the teachers can potentially fully agree with you, but are limited to what they can do without the board of education getting involved. So whenever something happens, I try to advocate also for the teacher. I remember my son was having some problems in school, and their solution at that time was, oh, well, let's just keep on in special ed all day to try to control this or that. And I get it and I understand. And I told them, you know, I'm understanding that. I do agree to a I do agree to a certain degree because we gotta see how will that impact his teacher and the staff in there because they're used to him being gone for more than half of the day, you know what I mean? So he's probably not the only kid potentially that might be giving sort of sort of some issues and things like that. So, you know, I truly try, I have a huge respect for hold on, guys. Hold on, you okay? Let me see. Guys, you guys know I'm raw, so this is like real time. Hold on a second, let me see. Open he got something in his eye. Is that better? Got it? Good, okay. So um, you know, I I try I really try to advocate for Paul. And I I know, you know, I'm sure some people have had different experiences um with teachers, schools, etc. Um, you know, I'm sure of it, you know, that's any profession. There's some people in certain professions, you get them, and they're awesome, and you get some people in that same profession, and you're like, what the hell are you in this profession for? So I'm sure, you know, you for every story I have, you know, there may be you know an opposite story. Let me see, Eli. Here. So open. He got like some malt or dust in his eye. Let me see. But um, I'm really fortunate. I mean, I really do feel my son has a good team. Everyone involved truly wants what's best for him.

Real-Time Mom Moment At The Park

Keeping The Show Raw And Honest

Gratitude For A Strong School Team

Legal Insights And Building A Better IEP

Facing The Room And Holding Your Ground

SPEAKER_00 7:54

Um I do feel they care deeply about him and take their job very seriously. Um, you probably hear the difference in my voice. I feel much better. So I recorded that um last week, and it was my every intent to get back on and finish it up, and I did not. And guys, let me tell you, I listened back to it. I normally never listen to my stuff. I normally never listen to my stuff. And um I listened, I'm like, oh my god, I'm like really sick. I'm like breathing all crazy. I'm so congested. I'm so sorry y'all had to listen through that. But I'm not changing it. I'm not gonna redo it, guys, because that's how I felt at that moment and whatever message I was trying to get out. As you guys know, that's my platform. I'm not polished. Um, I this has to stay raw the way it is for me to keep going, you know. When it becomes to be too much like work, even though I enjoy it, it takes the joy out of it for me if it's like a job, you know. Um, so again, thank you guys for always listening to me and my crazy. But um, so I did stop recording that day. Not honestly, it's I just got busy. We were truly at the playground. And um, I played with my son a little bit before we before I did the episode, and then friends came and he was playing with them, so I was like, let me do an episode because it was like heavy on my heart. Um, you know, tea teachers, I'm sure it's other professions too, but like I said, all my heart was about teachers, and he I have been fortunate that he's had a great team. Of course, there's not saying always I like what they say to me or what they do, etc. I mean, that's any relationship. Nothing's just, oh my god, I love everything. But you know, I do, I really do have a huge respect for them, and I try to show my appreciation, especially around Christmas time and and when the the the classroom needs things, I try to be very supportive, not saying no other parent does. Again, these are just my experiences. Um, I felt really good. Um, I had talked to someone um in legal because I always like I go up I tr when I start something that I'm like all in. And I just like to make sure the stuff I'm doing, I'm not unreasonable or just you know, biased, basically. And it it felt so good because um when I talked to this per particular person who's in this profession and um knows the laws in and out, the a lawyer actually, and she was like, oh my gosh, she's like, you did what I would have done. And she was like, you know, you really should make uh IEP um podcast and and you know, good to know's and etc. You know, she was like, you really should do a talk on these things because a lot of parents get very frustrated, and it is, it's very frustrating, it's very hard. She was just like, I can't believe you got them to like write his IEP this way, it's so detailed, it's so this, it's so, you know, and that made me feel really good as a parent because when you're going through certain things, at least for me, I can't I can't speak for others, but for me, when you have a child that's on an IEP, even though the goal is everyone in that room is to is is a team, I personally don't fully feel it, even though I know it's so. So when you go in that room and you're sitting, I feel like it's me and the board almost is like five or six people because you know every person in there that is part of your kids' education is in these meetings, rather if it's on Zoom, in person. I typically like to do mine in person. I like to look, um, I like reading body language and things like that, and I I call people out on that body language. But, anyways, um I you know it's hard having people in a room judge you and your child. That even if it's not that way, that's how I feel in when I'm in these situations, and it's hard to to stand up and be firm and strong in front of this particular set of people and professionals, you know. And I've been fortunate that even though it's really hard that I'm able to just keep my strength about me, and I break down later, trust me. It's hard. You're standing in front of people telling your telling you the opposite of what you know your kid can do. Because we know our kids are different in different environments, etc. And and that can be tough. So for any parent out there that's going through anything, it doesn't even have to be school related, just just know if you're doing the best that you feel you can do, you are doing an excellent job. It is hard being a parent, it it is very rewarding, you know, and when you look back and you see the progress your child makes, it it is it's awesome, you know. The their milestones, the things they overcome, it is awesome. So know that you are doing an excellent job. And and you know, for the ones that are going through anything with school, I hope and pray you have a good team, but sometimes just step back and really think about what it is they're saying with and and and don't and try to take yourself away from it. Be the outsider looking in, and and that's kind of the best way to approach it. Truly have them think of them as part of your parenting team. Um, again, not saying every personnel person or teacher, etc., you know, it's not always sunshine and rainbows, but try to just remove yourself and and and absorb what they're saying, even if you need a moment. Always, you know, if in the moment you're like, you know what, just give me this and let me think about it, etc., then do that. So you you know what I'm saying? Go back home, regroup, do whatever it is you need to do, and go from there. Um, don't don't feel you have to have an answer right then and there, because you don't. So that's ri really good advice, and and read it over and things, and try to look at them as truly just part of the team. Okay. So I'm gonna end it there. Um, if you want more topics like this, you know, shoot me an email. I do not mind. I could talk about this type of stuff or stuff about my son all day. I just typically don't on this platform. I I give little bits and pieces. I have not fully given my full journey with my son yet. Um, maybe it's time. I think slowly I will. I'm just not there yet. But um, yeah. Uh if you want to hear more like this, please, or if you have particular questions, I'm here and I can help. Uh we're gonna end it there. Thank you for joining. Coffee with a twist, madam below.