A few months ago, I walked into my art class and received a new project. Its objective was to use oil pastels on a poster-sized paper and create a realistic-looking portrait of a flower from a self-taken picture. Two and a half weeks of class time was allocated to complete this project. The problem was, I had only done two petals so far! Forget even getting to the background — I wasn’t even close to finishing the flower itself! No matter what I did, it just didn’t seem right. Because of this and the fact that I’d never worked with oil pastels before, I soon became a nervous wreck. I was starting to feel the stress and feared I would fail the course!
Luckily, the teacher knew my dedication to work and permitted me to take the project home to complete during the long weekend. I felt incredibly grateful but became even more stressed because I now had an entire art project to complete in addition to three assignments from my Advanced Placement classes. To top it all, I also had a debate tournament late Friday night into much of Saturday. There was just too much to do! I knew this was not going to be a fun weekend.
By the time Sunday rolled around, I was mentally exhausted. Before I left for the BAPS Swaminarayan Mandir, I gave one last look at the unfinished art project. I felt it taunting me. But something remarkable happened while at the mandir! One of the presentations in the youth assembly referred to a quote that captured my interest:
“Once you know that it is not possible to alter or avoid a stressful situation, at best, what you can do is to change your attitude towards that situation.”
As soon as I heard this, it just clicked! On the car ride home, I talked to my parents about this quote and my unfinished project. They encouraged me to put this quote into practice and look at the project as an opportunity to learn something new and have fun with it!
The next day, I awoke with a completely different outlook. Suddenly, I was looking at this unfinished project in a whole new light.
Now feeling confident and determined to finish what I started, I went upstairs, laid out all my materials, and called a friend I knew was also working on the art piece. While we were working, we FaceTimed and showed each other our progress along the way. We encouraged and offered tips to one another. The entire process became so enjoyable that I didn’t realize it was now 2 a.m.! Even though it was well into the night, the joy and relaxation that I often experienced while working on my art had returned! I feel I could attribute this all to the shift in my perspective. When I finally finished, an incredible feeling of accomplishment and pride overcame me. What happened after that is entirely irrelevant to the point of the story, but I’ll tell you the ending anyway.
Two weeks later, while grading assignments, my teacher called me up to ask me if she could display my art piece along with four others at our local airport. I smiled and calmly said yes. Meanwhile, inside, I was jumping up and down, screaming: YES. YES. YES!!!
This experience taught me an invaluable lesson: Stress did not need to be my enemy. I began to reflect upon this deeper to understand how I could better handle stress in the future.
Distress to Eustress
I learned that there are two main types of stress: eustress and distress. Eustress is positive stress; a person feels good, becomes stimulated by the challenge, and learns something new from the process. Distress, on the other hand, is rooted in negativity. This type of stress tends to cause fear and anxiety.
For situations involving feelings of distress, I’ve discovered that turning negative stress into eustress by switching perspectives can be extremely helpful. My Guru, His Holiness Pramukh Swami Maharaj, my source of inspiration, taught me the value of shifting perspectives through the following incident:
In New Delhi, in 2005, the Swaminarayan Akshardham Temple was under construction, and tons of stones sprawled the 100-acre complex. Littered across the entire complex were floor tiles, cotta stones, marble, limestone, and pink stone. Hundreds of stonemasons were busy chiseling away, and the wailing of their saws rang throughout the complex. Seeing this chaos, Swamis of the team managing the work approached Pramukh Swami Maharaj and described the havoc. They reported, “Everywhere we look, we see deadlines, pending work, and tons and tons of unassembled stones! Aren’t you worried?” To this, he replied, calmly, “There may be tons of stones outside, but I do not feel a pebble’s amount of weight on my chest.” He explained he did not feel any stress because he knew everyone had endeavored and put forth their best effort. Ultimately, then, it was in the hands of God.
Many times we become stressed by our lack of control of an outcome. But this incident taught me that putting in 100% of my effort and leaving the rest to God was the surest way to remain calm and at peace. By merely shifting our thoughts, we can transform a stressful situation into one with eustress!
So why did changing my mind about stress matter? It mattered because I took away three lessons from my experience:
1) Don’t stress! Meet it!
We often see stress as something that indicates a weakness, but what if all those symptoms are a means to prepare our bodies to endure? What if the pressure gives us a different form of adrenaline; if it means supplying more oxygen to the brain with faster breathing or more forceful heart palpitations? Understanding these concepts and believing the stress responses to be positive can be helpful. In other words, all we have to do is embrace the stress — not fear it. It’s as if the power to avoid stress-related illnesses and anxieties is in our hands. We only have to meet it!
“It’s not the load that breaks you down; it’s the way you carry it.” — Lou Holtz, former football player, coach, and analyst
By changing my perspective during stressful situations, my body’s response to the stress also changed. I was no longer shaking in fear. I was able to think more clearly, focus on tackling the situation, and defeat anxiety and rise to the challenge!
2) Lose the self-doubt!
The experience helped me remove my self-doubt. I quickly learned that stress overshadowed my talent and abilities. The second my outlook changed, my reaction towards everything changed. Every time I brushed a new stroke on the canvas, I became thrilled! I felt energized and free! I knew I could do this and do it well!
3) Surround Yourself With the People You Love!
I later learned about something that also provided perspective: the oxytocinhormone. Research has shown that the hormone releases in response to socially connective experiences under stressful conditions. This hormone is part of why people want to be around those who love and support them when stressed. It is also the reason many feel fulfilled when aiding and extending kindness to others.
Personally, this appealed to me the most because my stress response became healthier. It made me recover faster, knowing I had support. Seeking advice from my parents and painting late into the night with my friend comforted me and allowed me to trust my heart.
Regardless of who we are and where we are in life, we all may experience some degree of stress. Many times, we may try to avoid these situations or respond negatively. But that may not necessarily be the right thing to do; I know it hasn’t been the right thing for me. Instead, by keeping my Guru’s words in mind, I do my best with the challenges facing me, and I leave the rest to God. Doing so has taught me to find value in these experiences and maintain a state of calmness. It’s allowed me to be more productive and innovative.
If I can meet stressful situations believing that they cannot negatively touch me, I can weave more joy, content, and courage into my life and get more fulfillment out of everyday experiences.
All I had to do was change my lens, my perspective, and embrace stress!