Thriving in the Trenches
Thriving in the Trenches
Episode 1-How I got here
A brief summary of my life and what led me to create this podcast.
What's going on mighty warriors. I'd like to invite you to take a seat in the snow. While I share some life experiences that can help you go from merely surviving to thriving. Welcome, thriving in the trenches.
Unknown Speaker :Welcome to episode one. So I really struggled trying to figure out exactly what I was going to talk about for this first episode. And as I was processing through multiple different topics I decided I just kind of start from the beginning, what it was that brought me to this point what it was that led me to want to put a podcast together and share it with the world so I think that sounds like a good place to start right. I just started off. My name's Joshua Jones, I go by Josh Jonesy Jones, whatever. All depends on the audience and who's talking to me. 39 years old and jumping right into it. I grew up in Northern California, single parent home and was raised by my mom, with a lot of verbal abuse, and a lot of poverty and just kind of living in the hood, I always joke that statistically, a guy should be dead or in prison by now I my life expectancy I think was a, I put it at 35 years old and here I am at 39 so definitely beat the odds right. But here I am, and got a good career, healthy, strong feeling good in life and really just living that thriving life that I think a lot of us are striving for.
Unknown Speaker :See we go through a lot of struggles in life and it's easy to get caught up on the negative and focus on what's not going well for us. When in reality. We just opened our eyes and shift our focus there's so many positive things around us and so many easy ways to cope with just different challenges and to grow from those challenges. So anyway, getting back to it grew up, single family home a lot of a lot of abuse and, you know, I think growing up in that way it really created a lack of self belief, a lack of self confidence and not knowing my true identity. I'll start off by saying that I am a very emotional person which doesn't mean I'm weak or crybaby or anything emotions I believe were or are part of our creation, part of what we are who we are as human beings. Absence of emotions leaves robots pretty much and I don't know about the rest of you guys but I'm definitely not a robot. Growing up in that environment was really challenging because without having somebody to teach me how to be a man and not having somebody how to teach me how to properly, embrace my emotions and just live those out. I was very angry, very angry child, and just didn't feel a whole lot of acceptance. And so it was constantly a battle of trying to prove who I am prove my worth and find identity and find validation from things outside of myself. I was defined myself by, who I hang out with what I could do how well I did in school just anything that gave me a sense of acceptance and a sense of worth. And I think overall that was the biggest issue is just having very low self worth very little identity. Very little confidence in myself, but I could fake it with the best of them I'll tell you what. I never appeared weak growing up I never appeared like a coward or like this insecure, young man, that was just struggling to to fit in and be accepted. Fast forward a little bit and I ended up joining the Navy when I was 19 years old, spent six years active duty in the military, you got mobilized for a year and coming up on my 20 years actually as a reservists so be retiring soon celebrate that right.
Unknown Speaker :During those years so I just spent my life living like a sailor you know his drinking party and having a good time hanging out just being one of the boys. And it was all fine and dandy for a little bit, started growing up and you know at 25 I ended up getting married. It was good and bad at times, and I got two beautiful little girls out of that marriage which I wouldn't trade for the world they are my everything they helped me to find purpose and meaning in life and strive to be a better man every day so I'm so thankful for them and their mother granted that we didn't work out. She's still a great mom.
Unknown Speaker :You know, I'm thankful for the relationship that her and I have now So, anyway, throughout that marriage had some struggles and a lot of it had to do with me feeling like I was never enough and whatever part, she played in that is irrelevant because it's about who I was and who I was wanting to be but not confident enough in myself to be that person. And, you know, we ended up getting divorced over time. And that was about five years ago at this point.
Unknown Speaker :Once I got divorced just live in that single life again found all my confidence and security in alcohol and women that was, that was my go to. And for years I kind of got by. The thing is, when I was real with myself about it, though I could find momentary release momentary joy in meeting women or getting drunk and doing this and that.
Unknown Speaker :There is no lasting joy in my life. A lot of times I'd find myself sitting at home alone. And I would drink just to escape my own mind it was not a safe place to be. I would constantly think about how I'm not enough and how I'm not living up to what a man should be I'm not meeting my own expectations just negative, negative, negative. Well last November, I had a really rough breakup so for those of you catching this at another time in place, that'd be november of 2019. I was with a girl for about eight months, and it was a great relationship she's a great girl.
Unknown Speaker :During that time again because of my own insecurities, I, I kept contact with a girl on the side, and it was still alcohol and women to maintain my security to maintain my identity.
Unknown Speaker :Granted, I wasn't sleeping around or doing a bunch of dirt, but it was just the fact that I had this, this one other person, kind of on tap as a backup plan, just in case, it didn't work out I still had somebody there to approve of me somebody there that wanted me. That would validate who I am and that I haven't worth.
Unknown Speaker :The really sad thing about it is that this woman was not even somebody that I was interested in. It was 100% just for the security like kids have their little blankie she was kind of my blankie I could text her color and get some kind of acceptance get some kind of approval so it always let me know that, hey, I have worth because somebody still wants me which is really a depressing and negative place to be. It's horrible. I bring all this up because I think a lot of us, wear these masks, a lot of us have these kind of hidden secrets that we use to to validate ourselves we use these things to kind of tell us that we have worth and it's all coming from outside but the problem with those things is that they're not real the the value that we find in those things it's fickle it's, it's like gust in the wind, so to speak.
Unknown Speaker :There's no real security no real identity in that. And so when I had this big breakup, because of that stuff being revealed. It really forced me to have to take a look at myself and the life that I had been living and who I truly wanted to be. And I knew for a fact for years I'd known that the life I was living was not worthy of being that I am, and it was not the way I wanted to conduct myself as a man, especially considering the fact that I've got two beautiful daughters they're, they're eight and six at this point, two little girls that are looking to me to see what a man is supposed to be. And how could I sit there and be this sleazeball of a human being, having a relationship with one woman, while entertaining thoughts with another one, and expect that my girls are going to glean from me what a man should be. That's just completely ridiculous and so all those things combined caused me to really look inside at the man that I was in the life that I was living and realize that I needed to change, I was not okay with how I was conducting myself, and I knew that a lot of it was related to my lack of self worth. And the fact that I needed validation from outside sources. So about the same time in life is when I came across an online masculinity coaching program called the alpha code, and I signed up for that and have since graduated the program and become one of their mentors, so that I'm helping other men, develop, and work through some of their internal struggles. But anyway, all of that kind of has helped me get to where I am now. Throughout the alpha code I learned how to number one accept who I am, as I am to find peace with the man that I am to find peace with the fact that I am emotional to find acceptance of who I am, and really to learn to love myself so that I'm not looking for that external feedback all the time. I found peace in my own mind I found the ability to sit and be alone with my thoughts without alcohol without women without needing somebody to tell me what I am, I know who I am now I know my identity. I know my value I know my worth and I also know that nobody can take that from me, ever. No matter what, who I am is who I am, and not you not anybody listening at anybody in my sphere of influence can take away from the inherent value that I have as a creation. So yeah, I guess that's kind of what brings us to where we are now. My goal with this podcast is to be able to impart some knowledge and wisdom that has worked for me some practical stories for practical application, different struggles that I've had, and the hope is that it can bring some joy to your life. I am 100% open to exploring topics that you guys may be interested in as listeners. So feel free to leave comments leave feedback on anything you like you didn't like I'm just getting started. So, I greatly appreciate whatever you may have to offer. But again, my, my goal here isn't to make money my goal isn't to try to pinch pennies from anybody it's more about just spreading some awareness in the world. Throughout this podcast. I'm gonna cover some topics based on dealing with anger.
Unknown Speaker :Celebrating small victories redefining failures redefining challenges and just even a quick story on that. Back in, 2010 2011 I wanted to be a firefighter, I went through EMT school and was a volunteer firefighter and I was putting myself to paramedic school thinking that that was the goal that was what I wanted to be throughout the course of going through paramedic school I did really well on the academic side learning everything I need to do scenarios, I did I excelled at I mean, I knew my stuff problem was that I was not real comfortable going into people's houses and just didn't really have the compassion needed to be good in that field and I've talked to some firefighters and they laughed when I mentioned compassion and like oh we're supposed to have compassion for people, whatever, you know, I mean, that's just kind of how I see it for myself but I didn't have the strong desire to be able to help people in that situation, you know, I'm thankful for the people that can do it because one day I may need a paramedic at 2am, but I know that none of you folks want me coming to your house at 2am because my attitude is kind of like, why am I here, can't they just die before I get there you know and it's very cold and callous I admit that but that's why I'm not a firefighter paramedic today. But anyway, going through that program. Like I said I was doing really well academically when it got to do in the calls going into people's houses working the firefighting shifts and responding to 911 calls. I was miserable. I hated it. I just found no joy in doing the job there was no satisfaction for me. And every shift that I went to. It was such a daunting task for me. And so you could imagine with that kind of attitude, I wasn't doing the greatest on the actual calls, and I had a few bad calls and ended up at like 2am in the morning getting told by my, my preceptor my instructor in the field that hey you know what, you're not going to make it you've dropped a few big calls, and we're not going to be able to allow you to continue on, you need to remediate, I cannot explain in words the amount of pressure that came off my shoulders at that point I was so ecstatic to be done. And I kind of smiled was like, Can I go home, and they're like yeah I mean there's no real reason for you to stay the rest of the shift. And so I went home cleaned up took a shower and just felt great. I literally felt great. Now, the relevance of that story is up until that point in my life, I had never really wholeheartedly applied myself to anything and failed I had been pretty successful at success, when I put my mind and my body to a challenge I was able to complete it so this was the first kind of big loss for me, and it could have easily destroyed me It could have easily thrown me on track and had me in a position where it's like wow, I just failed I suck I'm this I'm that but I look at that as such a huge win in the context of my life and my growth as a, as a man from that experience, I learned some incredibly valuable medical skills that you know with my own children with the people I work with in my own circle can be very useful if I ever get called to perform in that capacity even rolling up on an accident on the road or something. But at the same time, I learned that that is not for me. and I think there's as much value in learning what you love, as learning what you really don't love. It's easy to chase after something because of the, the prestige that comes with it or even the schedule or the pay or whatever, but if you're chasing something for those reasons but you hate the work, it's not gonna be a peaceful existence for you in my opinion and it's definitely you're not going to excel at that job. And so for me, learning that that job is not for me was so great because it freed me up to move on to the next thing and I was proud of the effort and work that I did put in because I gave it my all and it didn't work out. And so, just redefining what failure is to me. It wasn't I failed so I suck it was like hey I gave this my all and realize that this is not where I belong. So now I can move forward with the rest of my life. You know that it was a little story from my life that those are the types of things that I'm hoping to share with you folks and hoping that you can benefit from.
Unknown Speaker :And yeah, I guess that's gonna be it for Episode Number one, like I said, please feel free to leave comments.
Unknown Speaker :Anything you got I'm willing to listen to. Also I'd appreciate if you jump on Instagram and go ahead and follow me at underscore the original Jonesy there I'll be posting some kind of 62nd clips that I'd like to refer to as a public service announcements from Jonesy just kind of positive thoughts that I have throughout the week, and it's also another good platform to be able to get in touch with me if you'd like to hear me talk more about either something you hear on there or just have a suggestion, that's a great platform to do it so thanks for your time. Hope you folks have a great week and know that as you sit right here, right now that you are enough, you have inherent value that cannot be taken from you, you will love you are appreciated and no matter what you do, it will not take away from the amazing person that you are. That's all I got. Have a great week.