Character Building, Perryman O'Paws, Food Territorialism

Navigating parenting dilemmas and celebrating academic achievements while sharing real-talk about the everyday quirks of Wilson life.

Talking Points:

• 8 year old Winthrop "character building" as his soccer team hasn't won a single game.
• 18-year-old Muffy graduated with her AA degree featuring bagpipes and lengthy speeches,
• Food territorialism creates marital tension
• Fun with portmanteaus
• Refined Gay Jeff's excitement about Fleet Week

Let us know about your own character-building parenting moments at familiarwilsons@gmail.com.

Super Familiar with The Wilsons 
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Contact us! familiarwilsons@gmail.com

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Transcript

Welcome to the Wilson Family Podcast

Speaker 1 0:00

Familiar Wilson's Media Relationships are the story. You are made of meat, my friend, all the way down. The following podcast uses words like and and also If you're not into any of that shit, then now's your chance Three, two, one run. I'm super familiar with the Wilsons. Get it.

Speaker 2 0:29

Welcome to Super Familiar with the Wilsons.

Soccer Struggles with Eight-Year-Old Winthrop

Speaker 1 0:35

We are the podcast about marriage 2.0 with kids and all the side quests. I'm Amanda and I'm Josh, and one of the side quests that we've been embarking on this year is soccer. The soccer season for eight-year-old Winthrop is, mercifully, almost over, because they have not won a game.

Speaker 2 0:49

No, I think they've scored two goals the entire season.

Speaker 1 0:53

Yeah, and so there's a lot of character building that's happening with our eight-year-old here.

Speaker 2 0:57

Oh, he's getting a stomach ache every Saturday morning. Let me ask you though?

Speaker 1 1:00

at what point do we abandon the character building, for we just want him to have a good time.

Speaker 2 1:06

Well, but the thing is he's not having a good time and if you want to hear my whole feelings on everything, go back and listen to two episodes ago and last week, because I'm still talking about it.

Muffy's AA Degree Before High School

Speaker 1 1:15

Yes, it's one of those things. But parents out there, what are character building moments that your kid has been going through? That at some point you said, okay, that's enough, we need this kid just to enjoy life and not be like a acting like a little 72 year old man just complaining about all the things yeah familiarwilsons at gmailcom. Let us know about those in other wilson children news. The 18 year old girl muffie has graduated with her aa degree from university and we just had the ceremony this past weekend.

Speaker 2 1:48

Yeah. So if you are not American, an AA degree is an associate's degree and it's basically halfway to your bachelor's degree, which is a four-year college degree, and a lot of people start with their associate's degree and transfer to another college. The school she was at was also a four year college. But here's the deal Muffy has yet to graduate from high school, so it's a really big deal. So she did a program here. It's a dual enrollment program.

Speaker 2 2:14

You can go to take some of your classes either at the University of Florida or Santa Fe College and she did a full time dual enrollment, meaning she was going full-time to college while it's counting for her high school diploma. She's now taking one more class at her high school, but she has finished and officially graduated with her associate's degree in art history. So that's a ton of work and we are very, very proud of her because, like a lot of people, I think, around the world, covid about did us in when we had to pivot to online school. She went from being a great student to being very depressed and not caring at all and at one point said I don't even need a high school diploma. So we have come very far back as she's worked very, very hard and found a group of friends that also have the same goals as she does, and I think that's made a giant difference. So she and two of her closest friends graduated Friday night with their degrees.

Speaker 1 3:14

Here's my question, then, because of this whole dual enroll thing, which didn't exist when I was a kid Is this telling us that the last two years of high school are useless, or that the first two years of college are useless? What is it telling us?

Speaker 2 3:25

Because, clearly, I don't know that it tells us that the last two years of high school are not important or that the first two years of college aren't important.

Speaker 2 3:33

But what it is is all of the requirements that you have to graduate for high school are a certain number of science classes, a certain number of math classes. They just let her switch that out for the college classes. And in college you have to do a certain number of gen ed classes, right, and so she was poised to be really well set up going into college, because she got into the University of Florida really difficult to get into was going to go in studying art history, had done all of her gen ed classes. The girl was going to be able to take just tons of like really super interesting classes, and then she had a complete 180 and has decided she wants to be a vet, which makes sense for her. She likes animals more than people, but now she has to take a ton of science and math classes that she hasn't taken, and it's gonna be. It's gonna be a rigorous four years, but I believe in her.

Speaker 1 4:24

She can definitely do it. I mean, she'll do it at the last minute.

Speaker 2 4:28

She'll do it the night before it's due, but she will do it. She graduated with her AA degree with highest distinction, which means she carried a 4.0 in college as a 16 to 18 year old.

Speaker 1 4:37

Begs back to my question, but I won't ask it again.

Speaker 2 4:39

I know I can't tell you other than we're just very grateful because the other thing is, through this program it was all free, her books were free, her tuition was free. I mean, if you've got kids who are motivated and it's available to you, it's a phenomenal program. And it worked well for her because she went to a school that was a kindergarten through 12th grade school and had been with the same kids. I mean she went there in second grade, had been with the same kids. I mean she went there in second grade, had been with the same kids for so long and was just ready for something different.

Graduation Ceremony with Bagpipes

Speaker 1 5:07

The ceremony was interesting too. It had points that I was really into, like, for example, they started and they ended it with a single bagpiper processing and recessing up and down this aisleway playing I don't know greatest hits of Scottish bagpipes or something. At one point he was playing Scotland the Brave, which is a very nationalistic Scotlandish song, and I could not figure the connection other than wouldn't it be cool if we had a musical cosplayer walking around our thing? I mean, I loved it, I loved it, but I couldn't get the connection.

Speaker 2 5:43

I looked and tried to find the connection Like was the founding person someone from scotland? I could not figure it out other than this college has a bag, pipe and drum corps, so maybe they were just like, hey, we've got these people they're really good at it, we gotta use them.

Speaker 1 5:58

Gotta justify this dude's salary.

Speaker 2 5:59

He's probably the professor and I'm not far from here, about an hour from here and Dunnell in Florida are the largest Highland games outside of Scotland or something, or in the Southeast I guess. At least there's a very big Scottish community there and so maybe there's some sort of connection. I don't know. I really enjoyed it. It was very confusing. But Winthrop did not, because here's why he told me he does not like bags and he does not like sewer pipes, so therefore he does not like bagpipes. I don't think he understands how they're constructed.

Speaker 1 6:33

I feel like to some people, the idea of sewer pipes and the noise that bagpipes makes, that that connection works.

Speaker 2 6:40

I don't know A child is. He said. You know I like music, but only the kind that I make.

Speaker 1 6:46

That's brilliant, he's already a snobby musician. We saw the bagpiper standing outside and I really wanted to get a picture with him.

Speaker 2 6:55

Oh, he reminded me of like a Disney character just posted up after a performance, waiting for people to queue up to get pictures with him.

Speaker 1 7:02

Oh see, I wish I'd have made that connection, because if he's like a Disney character, that means I could have hugged him and he wouldn't have been allowed to break the hug.

Speaker 2 7:09

So if you don't know Disney characters, they are not allowed to break a hug. So if a child is hugging them, they have to continue to hold the hug until the child breaks the hug. And Winthrop, at the age of two, put this into place with Doc McStuffins, because he just laid on her and like up against her and I think he had had a rough day at the park and just needed some emotional support from this giant Doc McStuffins with his giant head and, bless her, she or he or whoever was in the costume, just took it. But no, it is a thing. They are not allowed to break a hug, which is sweet for kids. Is it the same thing for, like these disney adults that are super into it? Are they not allowed to break those hugs either, because at some point that just gets a little awkward I think that they charge extra the longer the hug, you know for each additional minute type of thing.

Speaker 2 7:57

But I wonder if I would have hugged that guy if the bagpipe would have gone um, I think that we go back to the commencement ceremony next year, even though we have no one graduating from it, just so you can do that.

Speaker 1 8:11

I think that that might constitute an illegal action, so we shan't be doing that. I thought the ceremony itself went way too long. I understand that when you're having a ceremony like that it's about the kids, but I guess it's also about the teachers and professors who've put in all the long hours. I found the number of speeches to be excessive. We didn't need that many people talking the length of time. Apparently they were only supposed to go two minutes and I know that because a guy got up one of the professors and he did a little monologue right to start. His remarks probably last about a minute and a half and then he said oh well, the professor told me I could go only two minutes and he's just like oh, sorry, or whatever, and then he went to two or three more minutes.

Speaker 1 8:58

No, I did not like that. I mean, I understand, at the end of a semester you want to as a teacher or a professor, you want to be able to express yourself too, because you were a part of this educational experience with the kids, but keep in mind that there's a room full of like a thousand people who just want to see their kid graduate.

Speaker 2 9:17

Yeah.

Speaker 1 9:17

Right, and I do public speaking, and I like public speaking, I like the feedback that I get, I like giving people knowledge that they need and, hopefully, that they want. I am also, though, mortified with the prospect of getting up there and having someone think, oh geez, this guy just really likes the sound of his own voice. Now, that's not the case on this podcast, because you fuckers can turn it off whenever you want.

Speaker 2 9:44

I don't know that it went too long, because I have been in some graduate ceremonies for so long.

Speaker 2 9:49

But I mean, winthrop was done. I mean done. I said to him you need, he was all over me and I said I need you to give me space because I have to stand up to take a picture. And he said, well, I have to leave. Said well, that's not an option right now, because not only is it not done, we are like halfway up these, we were in gym bleachers too, like it's. I mean, it's a small college, so it took place in their gym and we were in front of people that you know had canes and walkers. We were not going to be able to get out, so he just had to get over himself.

Speaker 1 10:21

What do you do, though, though, when you're in a position where, where you're in a social situation and them just being a kid means that there's great potential for that to inconvenience the people around them yeah what do you do?

Speaker 1 10:35

because, like there are a few times where I moved his feet away from the people in front of him and like he got, he got upset, right, but I don't want him to bother the people around me. But then also, should we have put him in that position where him just being a kid who's a wiggly kid it's going to result in him like making noise or not having full control of his limbs and so he's going to knock against someone. That's kind of of on us isn't it so?

Speaker 1 11:05

I struggle to come down too hard on him in those situations.

Speaker 2 11:08

Yeah, no, I think you're just trying to make him aware of his body space and where his body is in space is what I'm trying to say. And then also the lady in front of us. That was very nice about it. Like I kept saying I'm so sorry, and she was like got it. Um, I mean, she was an older lady, but clearly probably had her own children and went through this, so she was fine. Um, I am, though the high school graduation will be in the performing art center, so there will be actual chairs that he will be sitting in, so it will be much better. This one was a little difficult, though. One of her good friends sat with us and told told her how well behaved she was, so maybe we were just feeling it, but he was well, I'm always like ultra concerned about that even with the two older boys.

Speaker 1 11:54

I was always like when they were teenagers and they were in public, I would have to remind them dude, you can't stand in the middle of this aisle and just talk while people are trying to get by like I understand that you've got a really cool joke about minecraft that you want to relate to your brother just at this time, but there's people around trying to shop and so I was real hard on them for that I mean, I had an experience with them like that in the grocery store once too, because they just stopped.

Speaker 2 12:17

They would just stop and talk to each other, but it's like, guys, you got to be aware of what's going on around you and I mean, so I think there's a line of like please be aware, but then also making them super anxious about being in public, right. So I mean, all of parenting is a fine line. I did like that. They they did, though. The president of the college called out specific individuals, and I liked that because there was a guy graduating who was a US veteran, who had become homeless and was graduating with like a 3.9 and had showed up like living in his car, and that was a cool thing. He also brought out the people who are first-generation college graduates, which I thought was really cool.

Speaker 1 12:58

All that is great because it's about the students. I love that bit. And there was a 63-year-old woman who just 65.

Speaker 2 13:04

She was 65. She was the very-.

Speaker 1 13:07

She aged two years, just sitting in that audience waiting for them to stop their freaking speeches.

Speaker 2 13:10

They let her graduate first. She was the first graduate across the stage and I thought that was super cool yeah that was great.

Speaker 1 13:16

There's a new phenomenon that I only became aware of at this graduation ceremony, and that is the frequency at which people drop their phones. We were sitting on bleachers on wooden bleachers and so every 12 seconds there was a thud, you know, because someone else dropped their freaking brick of an iPhone you know out of their hands or they pushed it off the thing. It was like fruit dropping during harvest season.

Speaker 2 13:38

And it echoed because the bleachers were hollow underneath. So it was just like this loud thumping echo. I became aware of the fact that there are a lot of shoes in the world that I wouldn't wear. I was just looking at the shoes around me, I mean, and there were, I mean, fancy, fancy stilettos that had rainbow sparkles all over them and then, like, the thing that wrapped around the ankle was basically like a giant scrunchie that you would put in your hair and I mean, good on you, but I wouldn't have been able to get up with bleachers in those shoes. So I just was looking at the footwear around me wait a second.

Speaker 1 14:14

I'm trying to envision this. Did they have the scrunchies to keep the leg hair off of their ankles?

Speaker 2 14:19

no, silly, that was like, instead of a buckle wrap that goes around you. It was a scrunchie, I see.

Speaker 1 14:25

I've had it up to here not to break away from the fashion talk, but I've had it up to here with people screeching in public. You know, listen, your kid does not want you to. As they are walking across the stage, screech and whistle and call their name. Your kid doesn't want that. That will embarrass your kid and will inconvenience everyone around you.

Speaker 2 14:45

When you graduated, were people still allowed to bring air horns.

Speaker 1 14:48

What do you mean? Still allowed to bring air horns? I've never been in a place where air horns were encouraged or allowed.

Speaker 2 14:53

Oh my gosh, like my high school graduation, people had air horns and then, like it seems like they've stopped, they've started becoming on the. You may not bring this in list.

Speaker 1 15:01

No.

Speaker 2 15:01

But yeah, that was. That would have annoyed you too, because you don't like the sudden loud noises.

Speaker 1 15:05

No, no, no, no. That's the audio equivalent of a laser pointer, so obnoxious that Listen. We were packed shoulder to shoulder with other people and by the end of this thing I felt like a wrung out washcloth. It was just, it was my batteries. My social batteries were depleted at that point.

Speaker 2 15:21

Oh, Winthrop fell asleep on the way home. I mean, he was just done at that point. He complained about bagpipes and went to sleep. Muffy had a great time. She and her friends went out to dinner. They had a lovely time and they got to celebrate how hard they have worked. So we're very proud of that.

Speaker 1 15:33

Yeah, now we got to wait. What 10 years. And then we got to go through it with Winthrop.

Speaker 2 15:37

No, it's okay, in two weeks we get to do high school graduation, graduation. So you get more of the same screeching with less maturity.

Speaker 1 15:49

Parents. Let's talk about clapping. Not one clap, not a few claps, I'm talking about hundreds of claps. At a graduation ceremony, your hands basically go into full-time applause labor. You clap for your kids, sure, but also for av, for Ava, blake, cassidy, dylan and everyone whose name starts with E and never ends, and somewhere around Xavier, michael Zombrowski. Your palms have gone numb, your soul has left your body and you're still clapping out of sheer social pressure. That's where the new product from Wilson Technologies comes in the Clap Proxy. It's a discreet wrist-worn device that senses when applause is needed and does it for you. Finally enjoy a ceremony without developing carpal tunnel syndrome by page 42 of the program Clap Proxy by Wilson Technologies, because you're proud. But let's not get ridiculous.

Speaker 1 17:10

It's game time game time this is a very easy one. All you have to do is guess words stick blue horse with a prompt. Oh, I'm going to give you a portmanteau, a phrase, and you're going to tell me what it means what a portmanteau is.

Speaker 2 17:29

It's a name for.

Speaker 1 17:29

It's another name for something no, portmanteau is when you take two words and you put them together like benifer and all that stuff right, right, you're so over this already how are you? Over this already all right, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna give you the thing and then you tell me what. The thing is Ready.

Speaker 2 17:44

Okay.

Speaker 1 17:44

What is techspectation?

Speaker 2 17:48

I mean, that's where you send a text and you're expecting something good or whatever to come back from it.

Speaker 1 17:53

Okay, well, that's close enough. Techspectation is the irrational hope that this time the notification you get is from someone you actually want to hear it from.

Speaker 2 18:01

Okay, fair, not like Buff City, city soap telling me they've got 20 off.

Speaker 1 18:06

Today I got. I'm really like, really annoyed by I don't know how these people have gotten my text number, but I'm getting texts from from people that like, who are you like? Why, no, I am I. I understand you're from hr at this great company, but I do not want to apply for this job that does not exist there has been an upswing in those recently I get those.

Speaker 2 18:23

And I'm getting a ton of spam calls right now. I don't like it.

Speaker 1 18:27

So it used to be that whenever you would move house, you would get a new phone number. That's how it went. But now I've had this phone number that I have for years and years and years, and now everyone wants to keep or save their phone number. But there was a certain wonderful freedom about getting a new phone number. It was so easy, like just to leave certain parts of your past behind you by getting a new phone number. People don't do that anymore, unless, of course, something tragic has happened and they really need to get a new phone number because they're in a bad situation. But it used to be commonplace.

Speaker 2 19:04

Do you remember we had to do that when Muffy got her first phone? Yeah, do you remember? Why? No, because we found out after all of the text she was getting about buying a dime bag, that her phone number had been associated with a local low-level drug dealer. So she was getting hit up as like this 12-year-old. Because we got her a phone, because she was going to the dance studio and stuff and she was getting people texting her asking if they could score oh my god and so I called at&t and was like this is what's going on, we need to get a new phone number, and those mfers charged us to change the phone number.

Speaker 1 19:42

They charged us like 50 to get her a new phone number see, now I'm rethinking this idea of getting a new number, because this number has been around for however long you know that you're getting or you don't know how long it's been around, but it's like moving into a house without getting an inspection.

Speaker 2 19:57

Yeah, or you know, like ghosts that are still there too.

Speaker 1 20:05

Yeah, no, okay, nevermind.

Speaker 2 20:06

I'll keep my number. Next, what's chore-a-phobia when you don't want to unload the dishwasher?

Speaker 1 20:09

An intense, irrational fear of doing chores.

Speaker 2 20:12

But for you it's really what's your least favorite chore, because you hate unloading the dishwasher. No.

Speaker 1 20:17

I don't hate unloading the dishwasher, I hate unloading silverware. Oh, that's interesting. It's too fiddly. Silverware is always the last thing I do and every now and again I have asked you if you wanted to do the silverware.

Speaker 2 20:28

Yeah, I don't mind doing the silverware, I hate doing the dishes. You know why? Because I'm short and I can't reach the stuff that goes up high.

Speaker 1 20:36

We've not taken advantage of this in our marriage, then the fact of this, that you like doing silverware and I freaking hate it.

Speaker 2 20:41

Oh well, I will do. I hate cleaning the toilets most of my life yeah, well, it's gotta happen apparently I'm the only one in this house who cleans the toilet, so I don't know what to tell you. Today is your day I'll just pour bleach in it and flush no sir, there has to be lifting of lids and it's always like a surprise as to what you're going to get when you lift the lid, and I hate it so much all right.

Speaker 1 21:03

What is yanarchy?

Speaker 2 21:05

oh gosh.

Speaker 1 21:06

Yawnarchy.

Speaker 2 21:07

Is that like when you're trying to be awake but you're so tired that your yawns are just coming out anyway? There's anarchy with the yawns.

Speaker 1 21:17

I mean, that's close. I'll give that to you the state of a room full of people pretending to be alert during a boring meeting. Okay, moodge, moodge.

Speaker 2 21:28

Oh, so this is definitely me. This is when you get in a mood to judge people, and so you're moody because you're going through perimenopause If you want to know about that, go back and listen to last week and so then everything's just making you mad and you're grumpy and you're just judging everybody in that meeting, or that Zoom call.

Speaker 1 21:47

It's not the definition that I have here, but I'm going to give it to you because I don't want to argue with that All right.

Speaker 2 21:55

What is your definition?

Speaker 1 21:56

This whole perimenopause thing. I want to come up with a character. Right, I want to come up with a character that embodies maybe this can be a perimenopause branding thing, and I will have invented it, and I will have invented it, and that is the character like the mascot of this would be an Irish person called Perryman Opaus.

Speaker 2 22:18

Yes, okay, and is this like a little leprechaun, or is this a grumpy Irish lady?

Speaker 1 22:24

It would have to be a combination oh top of the morning to you motherfuckers.

Speaker 2 22:29

That's right. It's like nobody's saying top of the morning. They're saying like give me the morning to you motherfuckers. That's right. It's like nobody's saying top of the morning.

Speaker 1 22:33

They're saying like give me the coffee and shut up. What I had for this is a combination of mood and sludge, that thick emotional funk that makes you scroll in bed for two hours instead of doing anything useful.

Speaker 2 22:41

Oh, that's a good one too. I'm about to do that when you're editing this podcast.

Speaker 1 22:45

All right, how about a shamelet?

Speaker 2 22:48

Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 1 22:50

A shamelet.

Speaker 2 22:51

Okay, so you're ashamed of something that you've done, but I don't know what the let is. I don't know what is that.

Speaker 1 22:59

A hastily thrown together excuse with many different parts that's clearly hiding a poor decision. It's a portmanteau of shame and omelet.

Speaker 2 23:06

Okay, that is reaching friend. I didn't know what an omelet omelet, I couldn't have gotten there, but okay, a shamelet got it.

Speaker 1 23:13

Snackrifice.

Speaker 2 23:15

Is that when you give up on your goals for the day so you're sacrificing your healthy eating and you eat the yummy snack? Or is that when you eat the really like carrots and celery, because you're sacrificing your snacky yumminess to be healthy?

Speaker 1 23:32

No.

Speaker 2 23:32

It's neither one of those.

Speaker 1 23:33

No, it's giving up your treat for someone else and then immediately regretting it.

Speaker 1 23:37

Oh, happens with Winthrop all, the time, all the time, All the time, and it annoys me. I am real territorial about my food anyway. I am aware I just if I get something on my plate, my expectation is I'm going to be able to eat all of it, right? So give me a bite of your pizza. Oh, let me try that. What's that sauce like? It sets me off and I don't know why. You would think that I was raised with siblings. How territorial I am with my food. Nope, only child. So I don't know where that comes from, but I do not like snack-rificing.

Speaker 2 24:11

Well, it didn't start with Winthrop, because one of the older children did that a lot too, and I mean bless you as a parent, you'll do it, but you get mad about it.

Speaker 1 24:20

I do. I do that noise. Andrew Middle son Andrew, used to always want to taste my food, but it's because he no, no, no, still does. By the way, still does, he's 21.

Speaker 2 24:29

Still does, by the way still does he's 21. No, he is not. He's going to be 23.

Speaker 1 24:32

No, he just turned 21. Friend he was born in 2022.

Speaker 2 24:35

It is 2025.

Speaker 1 24:36

Jesus. Okay, man, time is going way too fast, anyway, it doesn't matter, not the point I said.

Speaker 2 24:40

He was born in 2022. He was born in 2002.

Speaker 1 24:45

Yes, see how I just glossed right over that.

Speaker 2 24:47

Anyway, he still does it, though, but he does it from a space of he's curious about food Like this is the kid that every time he went to the grocery store would want to go to the produce section and pick out the weirdest fruit or vegetable and get it and just try it.

Speaker 1 25:00

Okay, you're in your 20s, buy it. You want to know what it is so bad? Buy it. Leave my food alone.

Speaker 2 25:07

And I know not to ask. And now we've gotten to the point where I'm not even allowed to ask you how your food is while you're eating.

Speaker 1 25:12

No, okay, we're not doing that.

Speaker 2 25:14

We're not doing that, you just need to eat in a bubble by yourself, so nobody can take your food and nobody can ask you about your food.

Speaker 1 25:21

Well, it's just that your go-to move. If we're going to do this now, your go-to move is I've had three bites. How is it? How is it? Is that good? How is it?

Speaker 2 25:30

okay, first of all, I'm not doing it like how is it? How is it? Like I'm angry at you. I'm like is it good? How is it? I mean because I care that you're enjoying your food experience. We were married for 10 years before you told me. That stressed you out, and so now and then yesterday, I said you were such a jackass. Yesterday I looked at you and we were eating at blaze pizza again because you're obsessed and I forgot that I'm supposed to behave in this way. And I looked at you and I said, like, do you like it or is it good? And you just looked at me do you know what you said?

Speaker 1 26:01

I don't remember.

Speaker 2 26:02

I was in a food consuming induced haze you looked at me and went I'm still eating it. You, you're such a jackass. I'm just asking you if it's good and you're like, hold on, I'm still eating it. So you know what? I don't care anymore. I don't care if you're liking your food, I don't care if you're enjoying your food, it doesn't matter to me anymore, and I don't want to taste your food. And don't taste my food, though. Oh, but this is the thing you do. That, though, you will will say what are you eating, what do you have there? If I have something that you're not expecting me to have, and then it'd be like, well, can I, can? I just know what it tastes like. So you do it. Your double standard is very, very big here, friend. I feel like maybe it's because you were a preemie that, like you had to fight for your food, and now you're just like a picture of like I'm in the nickU ward with a little tiny switchblade going around to the other things.

Speaker 1 26:53

Give me that hose.

Speaker 2 26:55

Get out of here. I don't know, I have to fight for my food.

Speaker 1 26:58

I don't even know what that means.

Speaker 2 26:59

If you're ever dining with Josh, don't ask him if he likes it and don't expect him to share it, but be willing to give him a bite of it if he so asks.

Speaker 1 27:07

Next one.

Speaker 2 27:19

Because we're moving quickly along. Procrastinate oh, that's when that this is muffy. This is when she has got a paper due or an exam to study for, and she instead decides to go make cookies or banana bread or something yeah, that is correct? Was it based on her?

Speaker 1 27:28

no, no, no, that's actually a word, that's out there oh, really yeah, because she for real does it. Dreadmill.

Speaker 2 27:34

Oh, is that when you have to go work out on a treadmill?

Speaker 1 27:36

No, it's a task. You're endlessly running on, but never making any progress.

Speaker 2 27:40

Oh, so it's a work thing, ready yeah.

Speaker 1 27:44

All right, slackramony.

Speaker 2 27:48

Oh, this is.

Speaker 1 27:49

When you don't clean the toilet, you're slacking in our matrimony, no get out of here the unspoken hostility simmering on a passive-aggressive work trap.

Speaker 2 28:01

What is the monie then?

Speaker 1 28:03

Acrimony.

Speaker 2 28:04

Oh, acrimony, okay, got it.

Speaker 1 28:05

Slackrimony, yeah, the app Slack that people work on.

Speaker 2 28:09

Got it.

Speaker 1 28:09

Acrimony yep.

Speaker 2 28:10

Yeah. Grumpathy is that when you feel, when this is when you understand why I'm being grumpy, so you have grumpy empathy for me.

Speaker 1 28:19

No, no no, it's not that nice. It's feeling sorry for someone but still wishing they'd shut up yeah, that's for real, true, though all. Here's one. You may have heard Snub Scribe.

Speaker 2 28:33

Oh, snub Scribe, like you're snubbing somebody by not subscribing to them.

Speaker 1 28:41

Ghosting a friend by slowly fading from their social feed and never liking their posts again.

Speaker 2 28:43

I like it.

Speaker 1 28:44

All right couple more here Glueminous, Glueminous.

Speaker 2 28:49

That's when you put glue on something and then throw glitter on it. So then it's glitter, glue and gloominous.

Speaker 1 28:54

Oh, that's good. But no, that strangely beautiful cinematic sadness you feel and sometimes you enjoy it.

Speaker 2 29:00

Oh gloom, I was thinking gloominous, all right, sassacre, I mean that's when you're just being sassy and you take somebody out with your words.

Speaker 1 29:11

That's exactly what it means, and boy, do you know how to do that. And then, lastly, cringeship, cringeship.

Speaker 2 29:21

Is this when you tell somebody you love them but you feel cringey about it, like your friend you're like I love you, but it makes you feel cringey? Or is this like a guilty pleasure, like you're friends with somebody but you don't want other people to know about?

Speaker 1 29:33

it that longstanding relationship held together by mutual embarrassment and inside jokes that no one else would understand?

Speaker 2 29:40

Okay, so like me and my friends that I went to the Twilight Convention and the Forks High School prom with got it.

Speaker 1 29:46

You went to a Twilight Convention.

Speaker 2 29:48

I did and I took pictures with the hand model from the book covers. We all held apples with her, you you actually took first of all a hand model showed up at a convention yeah, because they couldn't get real people, so they just the person who holds the apple in the front of the book she showed up can I ask the obvious question?

Speaker 1 30:04

yeah, how did you know it was the real person?

Speaker 2 30:06

I mean, she showed us the book and it looked like her hand. I don't know it was a time. It was before you and I were dating. After I got divorced, before you and I were dating. It was a time.

Speaker 1 30:17

Let's just Wait, you were an adult when you did.

Speaker 2 30:20

Yes, Twilight came out when I was an adult.

Speaker 1 30:22

Oh, I guess. So yeah, damn, oh, I saved you.

Speaker 2 30:29

Yes, but she won't share your food with me, so I don't know I bet, I bet edward cullen would share food. I don't know. He's a vampire.

Refined Gay Jeff's Fleet Week News

Speaker 1 30:37

I don't want to drink blood never mind, I'll get you an apple thank you and I'll hold it in that same pose. Oh my God. And now it's time for Refine Gay Thoughts with Refine Gay Jeff.

Speaker 2 31:04

Hey Jeff.

Speaker 1 31:05

Jeff is back and he apologizes for his absence because things have been ultra fantastically, epically busy. He says we have entered testing season here in education land and unfortunately I am the one who's responsible for making sure it ultimately happens. Yeah, he is a media specialist, and so he doesn't give the test, but he makes sure everything happens with the test and it's all computer-based now.

Speaker 2 31:29

So you gotta make sure everybody's got their technology and the technology is working and everybody can log into it. It's a whole thing. Bless you, Jeff.

Speaker 1 31:36

Yeah, no, absolutely. But he gives us some happy news for him. He says and now for some rather interesting and gargantuan news Drum roll please.

Speaker 2 31:46

Yes.

Speaker 1 31:47

Guess what was announced this week? For the first time in american history, the us navy announced that they will have navy fleet week here in houston. Oh, that is very, very epic he says I'm having a very sex in the city samantha jones moment right now and am already rehearsing the dismount in my head.

Speaker 2 32:10

I love it so much, so Fleet Week happens in multiple places. Usually you hear about New York City Fleet Week, but it happens in San Francisco.

Speaker 1 32:20

What is Fleet Week so?

Speaker 2 32:21

Fleet Week is where my brother was career Navy, so Fleet Week is where the naval ships will pull into port in these anchor cities and the sailors and the marines will get off the ship and then go enjoy the sights and the sounds and the tastes and the feels, apparently, of of the local culture. But then also the people who live in those in those cities can go and tour the ships. And it's meant to, um, you know, just make the american public aware of what the Navy and the Marines do. But this year they're celebrating the 250th anniversary of the creation of the Navy and the Marines.

Speaker 2 32:59

And so they just had one at Port Everglades. Did you know that?

Speaker 1 33:01

I did not know that.

Speaker 2 33:02

So they had Fleet Week in Miami. They had Fleet Week, my.

Speaker 1 33:05

God Fleet Week in Miami. I can only imagine it just happened.

Speaker 2 33:10

It was at the end of April, flea Week in Miami. I can only imagine it just happened. It was at the end of April. But I think, jeff, I looked this up.

Speaker 1 33:15

I think yours is coming in.

Speaker 2 33:15

Well, sorry that was the wrong verb. Yours is happening. I said coming. Yours is happening in November, I think.

Speaker 1 33:22

Yeah that's what he says. We'll be in the second week of November. He is giddy with anticipation. Time for me to find a refined gay naval officer. Husband. All right we can even play battleship in my pool.

Speaker 2 33:36

So I looked this up and there was an interview I think it's like a K Hugh, I guess it's maybe like Houston News from KHOU11. And it was talking about how the mayor invited Admiral Daryl Cottle, I guess, is his name. He's the commander of the US Fleet Forces and he announced on Facebook that he was formally accepting Mayor John Whitmore's invitation to bring the. So this is just a Facebook invite, is basically what happened, right, and it says it's really to expose the public, the greater Houston area, to what the Navy and Marine Corps are about. We don't really have any large naval concentration areas of marines or sailors or ships down there. This is a chance to see some of our ships on the line, some of our surface combatants, and we'll be able to demonstrate what it's all about.

Speaker 2 34:18

So that's the fun, I mean, that's the like military side of it. But then the sailors and the marines all go out and they spend a week just getting a little bit crazy in houston. But I did look it up and there was somebody that said us navy operations specialist corderic walton and us navy undesignated sailor joshua wilson, both houston area natives are thrilled for fleet to come to their hometown. So I need to know, sir, what is this double life that you are leading?

Speaker 2 34:47

I need to know what an undesignated sailor is it's an enlisted seaman, go ahead, because that's what they're called, and they either enlisted without having a job designation or they got in trouble for something and weren't given one yet so.

Speaker 1 35:04

Joshua Wilson getting up to some stuff well, it's because I've never reported, I just stay here so you've been MIA for like ever.

Speaker 1 35:11

That's right, jeff continues for those in listener land that may not know, and this is a little historical teaching moment about Houston Houston is actually a port city on the Gulf of Mexico. The Houston Ship Channel was built many decades ago and comes 52 miles inland to the Turing Basin, where ships obviously turn around to head back out to sea. The port of Houston is located in the Turing Basin. It's just nine miles from downtown. It's the fifth largest container port in the US. Cruise ships are handled out of this port in Galveston, 45 minutes away. So it's just the container ships, the industrial ships go up to Houston. I was unaware that Houston was attached to the Gulf in that way. That's just the container ships, the industrial ships go up to houston. I was unaware that houston was attached to the gulf in that way. That's really interesting. He's already envisioning the streets of montrose, houston's gaberhood, thriving and throbbing with navy guys in their white sailor uniforms looking for a place to drop their anchor. And yes, that was a double entendre.

Speaker 2 36:08

Now listen, jeff. I am a giant fan of all the NCIS franchise because of being a Navy sibling. I have seen NCIS New Orleans when they got into all kinds of trouble at Fleet Week there. So please, please, please, don't wind up with like some kind of murdered sailor near you or at your local bar. Don't do it, please, be careful.

Speaker 1 36:33

He agrees that last week was eternal it was.

Speaker 1 36:37

Yeah, no, he said that. You're correct in that after spring break, the distance to school year closure is interminable. Houston is going until June 4th, so we have about a month to go. In middle school, you can get the feels like time by multiplying one month to a factor of four to the seventh power. Let's be real. Nothing gets done because kids already know all the major grades and testings have happened. High school kids know that their class rank was set long ago, so lots of people just coast until graduation. I'm going to tell you, though, as a parent, it's the opposite. For a professional educator, I can see that it feels like forever between spring break and the close of school, but as a parent, it feels like boom. All of a sudden my kid is out and he's in the next grade. I feel like, at this point I'm staggered by how quickly it goes, and maybe it's just marking the passage of time and your kid is getting older and all of these things. But I don't perceive it that way.

Speaker 2 37:30

Well, winthrop said to me can you believe how long ago the first day of second grade was? And I thought he meant that it was going to go by really quickly and I said do you mean that's fast? He said no, it's been a really long year. So I don't know what's going on in second grade. But Winthrop is also feeling it, jeff, I feel you, and we go to June 3rd here and while I am no longer in the classroom, I'm still working with schools and districts and we haven't even started our progress.

Speaker 2 37:57

Our final window of progress monitoring testing friend, ours is like the middle of May. So it's a real thing and it's interesting because, as an educator, like Jeff and I said, it takes forever between spring break and the end of the year. There are no holidays, there's no teacher work days, it just goes on. But in the fall we have this thing called what we call the Hallow Thankmas slide. So it starts at Halloween and it goes to when you get out for the winter holidays and it is just one intense crazy. Kids are hopped up on sugar, they're excited because presents are coming or they're getting, and it is like a really condensed craziness, whereas the end of the year is the really extended craziness. So I'm feeling for you, jeff, stay strong.

Speaker 1 38:43

He goes on to talk about this discarded bra. That kind of put me off last week.

Speaker 2 38:50

I don't know where you expect me to throw away clothing articles that are broken.

Speaker 1 38:55

He says Josh, I am sorry that you were taken aback by the discarded bra. Thank you for the sympathy. As Bette Midler once sang in a soundtrack to Beaches, the fictional character of Otto Titzling invented the brassiere and called it an over-the-shoulder boulder holder.

Speaker 2 39:10

This is the thing.

Speaker 1 39:12

I am sorry, amanda, for being so crude, because you know I don't like humor based on the body or body parts, but it's Bette Midler, she can do no wrong. I hope this justifies a pass for me.

Speaker 2 39:21

I had forgotten that that movie was where that term came from, because that is a very pervasive term.

Speaker 1 39:27

He says I've never had the Popo police show up to my house for my alarm discharging, which happened to us this past week. I also get one to two free dispatches per month. Luckily I never had to call for someone, but I'm wondering if I could request hot cop with a billy stick and furry handcuffs.

Speaker 2 39:46

Well, let us tell you. I was wondering if we were going to get charged for this. Guess what we did. We did. How much was that? Bill Josh?

Speaker 1 39:55

Too much.

Speaker 2 39:56

Like over $300. Now they say it's because we didn't have a permit. We didn't know we had to have a permit because we went through an alarm company. One would think the alarm company would let you know that you had to have a permit. And so I think they said, if we pay the $25 for the permit, they'll greatly reduce our fine. Well, let's see how this goes. You set the alarm off this morning.

Speaker 1 40:19

I did.

Speaker 2 40:19

It was set when you went out to take the trash out or whatever you went out the garage for, and I happened to be downstairs and heard it start beeping.

Speaker 1 40:26

And so I ran and turned it off. Oh my goodness.

Speaker 2 40:29

This can't be a Sunday morning event for us now it might be.

Speaker 1 40:31

Yep, we talked about sparkling water last week. Jeff has an opinion. He says we talked about sparkling water last week. Jeff has an opinion. He says I told you guys this before, but I don't do sparkling water at all. I like you, like the bottle for Topo Chico, but we'll pass on the contents. I actually have several bottles in my fridge right now that I brought for my friend Christy Not long ago. I invited friends over for tequila tasting, but I don't think that we were invited. Amanda, everyone brought a bottle of tequila that we were not familiar with, and then they did flights to compare them, and so he bought this Topo Chico for his friend Christy, but he still has it and I guess he's not going to use it. Can you water plants with sparkling?

Speaker 2 41:10

water. I actually wondered that I did water one of the plants the other day because I picked up a can that was half empty, that had sat overnight, so I watered one of the plants with it.

Speaker 1 41:18

We'll see, we talked about hats with drapes. He points out that at the 2020 Grammys, billy Porter wore a hat with a motorized curtain of drapes. Google it, you'll find it quickly.

Speaker 2 41:31

I knew that it existed and it makes total sense that it was Billy Porter.

Speaker 1 41:34

Which reminds me of the fact that this whole idea of decorating your hat for graduation was in full force this last weekend, as we saw hats that had lights on them.

Speaker 2 41:46

Yes, some of them had LED lights.

Speaker 1 41:49

And Muffy did a nice painting on hers. I thought that that was really interesting, although, like, I don't know who you're doing it for, because in the audience you can't really make out what they say, and so the ones that I really noticed were the ones with lights on them.

Speaker 2 42:04

Yeah, but I think it's a little bit different because the environment that we were in was very we were not very much up above the graduates, but at UF or when I graduated undergrad from USF, when we decorated our hats, you were in the arena and so you could see like it's interesting to look out, and then you can make out what all is on all of the hats because you're sitting at an incline to it and that's interesting.

Speaker 1 42:27

Surely there must be some sort of requirements or specs. Like you can't come in with a headdress, Like you're going to, like you know carnival or something because that would be amazing. That's what I was thinking of. Like pretty soon it's going to climb. It's going to be stories they're going to have, like helium balloons or some such things like that.

Speaker 2 42:43

The uphouse on the thing I don't know. They're not allowed to decorate them in high school because no one can trust the high schoolers to. You know, not make them say dirty words.

Speaker 1 42:51

And college students. You can. I don't know he, I don't know he says, yes, contact lenses do exist that have bifocals embedded somehow in them. He has a pair. He doesn't know how they work.

Speaker 2 43:03

Does it work for you, though? Huh, I mean, I'm asking him does it work for you or does it give you a headache Like what's the experience like?

Speaker 1 43:10

No, he says. He says he has a pair. He doesn't know how they work. All he knows that you look down with your eyeballs and it accesses the bifocal area of the lens. He has no idea how they don't spin around during the day or in your eyes. It's magic and I'm not questioning it. So yes, it works. I don't know how that would work. I don't understand, because your iris doesn't work that way.

Speaker 2 43:33

I don't know.

Speaker 1 43:34

Yeah, well, clearly it doesn't. I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. He says Amanda, I also cannot sleep with any jewelry and feel like I'm going through perimenopause, because I pretty much have all these symptoms that you described.

Speaker 2 43:46

Jeff, you are welcome to the tavern with me and my ovaries. That's what he says.

Speaker 1 43:49

Let me know when you want to take your ovaries to the tavern and I will go with you and drink and wine and bitch about men that I'm here for all of it, but I'm bitching about everybody he said. He didn't say drink and wine, he said drink wine okay but I, I isn't.

Speaker 2 44:05

I don't limit my anger to just men. I'm angry at inanimate objects. I'm angry at people that I work with. Their voices just bother me.

Speaker 1 44:13

I'm just angry at everything right now yeah well, I Well, I don't, I know it, I'm Perryman. Oh pause, don't you know? Still eating my food.

Speaker 2 44:21

You don't help you. You say all the time like what can I do to help? Like you want to know what you can do to help, but you don't. You don't enact this when it comes to just not being mean. When your food Like what you can do to help is think before you speak, this is what you can do.

Speaker 1 44:40

I don't know when our podcast changed.

Speaker 2 44:44

Probably when Paramon O'Paws showed up to live with us.

Speaker 1 44:55

No one likes to be told what to do, and now's the time in the program where we tell you what to do. I'm telling you, men, that if you have a wife who is experiencing perimenopause, please listen to our last episode and get educated. Learn from my mistakes or not, even if you have a partner who's going through that. If there's someone in your office going through that, do the same, because it ain't no joke, friends.

Speaker 2 45:22

Just go be a good human, like just go learn how to be a good human.

Speaker 1 45:28

Well, but I'm also sensing that sometimes being a good human won't be enough if you've got this rage inside of you.

Speaker 2 45:34

Yeah, I don't know. I was talking to somebody the other day that said their doctor had asked them when they were going through this if they thought about hurting themselves. And they said immediately no. Then the doctor said have you thought about hurting anyone that lives in your house? And they paused and the doctor said okay, that's a yes. So I mean we're gonna. I don't know how long the pause needs to be before, and she was telling me she would just get angry when she heard her husband's truck come in the driveway. So I'm not angry when you come home I'm not there yet. I love you very much. I just get angry when you get mad at me for asking if you're enjoying your pizza.

Speaker 1 46:09

Maybe that's where the term menopause came from. It's really just the time between when the doctor asks you are you wanting? To hurt someone, and the time between when the doctor asks you are you wanting to hurt someone? And when you answer and that's your menopause.

Speaker 2 46:21

I don't know. It's no joke, though You're right, it is no joke. Like we laugh about it and we, you know we make light of it because it's the whole. You gotta laugh at yourself or you're gonna cry your eyes out. But it's not a joke, and yesterday was the first time that I felt like I wanted to crawl out of my own skin, like it was absolutely insane. So it's real. If you have experienced it or you are experiencing it, the Wilsons are thinking of you.

Closing Thoughts and Credits

Speaker 1 46:55

All right, Amanda, that's all there is. There is no more what?

Speaker 2 46:59

do you think about that mess? I mean, I'm filled with anger and rage and yet I love it all at the same time.

Speaker 1 47:05

Great, wonderful. This podcast, of course, would not be possible without our cast of characters, in addition to Amanda and me also appearing in today's show Matt as the brain, antonio as the recluse, josh Scar as the Philosopher, danny Buckets as the Dreamer, chicken Tom as the Wild Card, monique from Germany as the Ambassador. Then, of course, there's Joey Joey Refined Gay, jeff as the Icon, mark and Rachel as the Chaos Twins and Dan and Gavin as the Talkers who Never Finish a Thought. Twins and Dan and Gavin as the talkers who never finish a thought. This show was filmed on location at the abandoned wing of Jefferson High, the parking lot behind the Sock Emporium and that one diner that's always closed but somehow always still open.

Speaker 2 47:49

I mean, that's a lot of people and that's a lot of words.

Speaker 1 47:52

So until next week, y'all take it easy and just one thing at a time, don't try to do it all at once, thing at a time but, also, while you're doing it, be kind bye.

Speaker 2 48:36

Welcome to Super Familiar with the wilsons and I'm josh no, you were gonna. We were supposed to say welcome to super familiar with the wilsons and then you say we're the marriage podcast, blah, blah, blah. And then I say amanda, and you say I'm josh, we just went over this all right, let's try it again.

Speaker 1 48:53

And now we have our blooper reel. What's wrong with you? And now we have our blooper reel.

Speaker 2 48:57

What's? Wrong with you. Welcome to Super Familiar with the Wilsons. What was that? I don't know. I was enjoying the way you were pointing.

Speaker 1 49:08

All right, you ready.

Speaker 2 49:10

No, welcome to Super Familiar with the Wilsons. I didn't point, I know I just God damn it. God damn it to hell. I didn't point, I know I just God damn it.

Speaker 1 49:20

God damn it to hell. I started all over. Okay, ready.

Speaker 2 49:26

Welcome. It is the Lord's Day. You should not start this podcast off with flipping me off.

Speaker 1 49:32

Okay, point with me your index finger. Please, sir, Point with me your index finger yes, as good as Google Translate Ready.

Speaker 2 49:40

Yes.

Speaker 1 49:41

I'm going to leave all this shit in.

Speaker 2 49:42

No, please don't. No one wants to hear this Marital strife.

Speaker 1 49:46

Yeah, I think that they do it makes them feel better?

Speaker 2 49:48

What?

Speaker 1 49:49

All right, hang on.