The Chocolate Industrial Complex Strikes Again

Halloween candy mountain, party “forced fun,” and the eternal mystery of Why Every Kid Owns a 128 oz Water Bottle. In this comedy chat from Super Familiar with the Wilsons, Amanda and Josh rant about trick-or-treat overload, hosting a house full of costumed grown-ups, and building community without losing your mind (or your Kit Kats). We swap idiom-costume ideas for school (“piece of cake,” anyone?), give a tiny HOA update and play a cross-century slang game (Victorian “bumbershoot” to Gen Z “Shreking”). Plus, there’s a Fesshole segment. If you like marriage banter, parenting honesty, Gainesville gossip, and delightfully unscientific life advice, this one’s for you.

Super Familiar with The Wilsons
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Transcript

Midnight Candy Haul And Halloween Gripe

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Familiar Wilson's Media. Relationships are the story.

SPEAKER_02 0:07

You are made of meat, my friend, all the way down.

SPEAKER_03 0:10

The following podcast uses words like and and also. If you're not into any of that shit, then now's your chance.

SPEAKER_02 0:19

Three, two, one.

SPEAKER_03 0:20

Run.

SPEAKER_02 0:23

Super familiar with it.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

Welcome to Super Familiar with the Wilsons. I'm Amanda.

SPEAKER_03 0:34

And I'm Josh.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

And it is the middle of the night, and Josh is making me record after we walked around and collected what I can only describe as a beach bag tote full of candy.

SPEAKER_03 0:47

I gotta tell you, Amanda, that I have determined that I do not like Halloween.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

That is sad because I love Halloween, and I don't know how we're gonna You used to like Halloween when we were first together. You liked a lot of things. I think you were just grumpy.

SPEAKER_03 1:03

I'm not grumpy. Don't dismiss everything I have to say by just saying I'm grumpy.

SPEAKER_00 1:07

Well, but but you are like you used to like a lot of things, and now you have no patience for them.

SPEAKER_03 1:12

Well, it's the the thing that I don't like, and we've talked about this before, is the amount of candy that this child that Winthrop gets, and it's not good for him. We've already determined in science, not even us, because like what what do we know? We don't know shit. But I know that science tells us that candy is bad.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Yes.

Too Many Trick-Or-Treat Nights

SPEAKER_03 1:34

And he's got all I mean, my God, the amount of candy he got tonight. And it's not even so, and here's the other thing. Here's the other thing. They I don't know who's behind this, right? I don't know whether it's the American, like, sweet-making industrial complex or Hershey's got together with whoever the hell. But why now do we have several trick-or-treat nights? It is the 27th Monday, October. It is not trick-or-treat, yet this child has been to, that I'm aware of, at least two trick-or-treat events already. I'm sorry, what has happened? That's not right. I don't get more than one Christmas. If we're gonna double up on holidays, let's not double up on holidays where we sugar our children up so that they are so that they turn into literal uh monsters. No, let's have more um Thanksgiving where we can have more football and more turkey and and mashed potatoes, or let's have more Christmas where I get shit too. Because the Halloween's not for adults, it's never been for adults. It is not the sow in season is not for adults, it's just for children and the chocolate makers. Those two have colluded, they've gotten together, and let's and and let's get together. And and and they've said, let's fuck the parents, you know, just screw the parents and what they want and what they have to deal with. Because now, now we have got this, as you said, tote bag full, this postal bag full of candy, and invariably we're gonna have to get to the point where it's like, oh no, Winthrop, the rest of your candy was lost. Because there's no freaking way that we are gonna let him eat this three years worth of candy that we've gotten in the past week. And still yet to go, still yet to go. One more night, at least one more night. Now, I would not put it past someone in town throwing another trick-or-treat thing, and he has to go to that, or is school giving out more candy? But I don't I don't understand. I don't understand. Someone contact the American Diabetes Association, get them down here and have them get Wilfurt Brimley down here, and and someone needs to put a stop to this. Ridiculous.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

He has a fall festival on Wednesday at school.

Candy Rules And Indulgence Debate

SPEAKER_03 3:59

Oh, then I you know what it is, is I'm then I'm gonna go face first into the chocolate bowl. What do you mean, then?

SPEAKER_00 4:05

You have already eaten more of that candy tonight than that child did.

SPEAKER_03 4:09

No, that is absolutely not true. I had How many Kit Kats did you eat? I had one Kit Kat. And how many races? One. I had two Kitts.

SPEAKER_00 4:17

And then you had the you had the um cinnamon toast crunch Kit Kat.

SPEAKER_03 4:21

That was awful. Why did this is the other thing that I don't I don't understand? Why do they feel the need to why do the makers of Kit Kat, which I don't know who makes Kit Kat, the Kit Kat people, they have decided that not only is it necessary to have regular chocolate Kit Kat, which I think is one of the best chocolates that there is, I've also seen and had a white chocolate Kit Kat, which tastes just like wax. And then tonight I got a Kit Kat, opened it up, damn thing was pink. I'm like, what the hell is this?

SPEAKER_00 4:48

I think it was orange.

SPEAKER_03 4:49

No, well, whatever it was.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

It's supposed to be cinnamon color.

SPEAKER_03 4:53

Yeah, which I guess was orange. Cinnamon toast crunch Kit Kat tasted like wretch.

SPEAKER_00 5:00

You said it tasted like play-doh.

SPEAKER_03 5:01

It was awful.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

Winthrop and I liked it. But we are more joyous than you. We find joy in the things. Also, okay, well, we can go one of two ways with the candy, right? We can go, you know what, Winthrop, you go face first and eat as much as you want, but this is the only night you're getting it. And then he'll vomit. It'll be like a candy hangover, and then we're done for the year. Or we portion it out and he gets one a day until he's 21.

SPEAKER_03 5:27

What if we were to do that? You know, we have never done that. And if I wasn't afraid that he might fall into a coma, I would be all for the okay, Winthrop, eat as much chocolate as you want tonight. Because yeah, maybe that it'll have that effect. Maybe that it'll be that that he will be over coffee.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

It's over coffee?

SPEAKER_03 5:46

Coffee, Jesus. Chocolate is what I meant to say.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

Just kind of like you and vodka.

SPEAKER_03 5:51

Oh, yeah. No, I can't have vodka.

SPEAKER_00 5:53

Yeah, see? See, yeah, you and vodka. You had too much vodka, and now you don't want vodka anymore.

SPEAKER_03 5:58

I do not even want to smell vodka. I don't even want to look at vodka, don't want to do it.

SPEAKER_00 6:02

I like vodka. I just never have it in this house because you don't like it. Um, I love Halloween. I love the theatrics of it. I love the dressing up. I I'm not, it's not even about the candy. And I have such fond memories of trick-or-treating when I was younger. And so I love the Halloween.

SPEAKER_03 6:18

See, here's the other thing about I I don't I don't mind Halloween, but I as I age, there are less and less costumes that I can have.

SPEAKER_00 6:29

I know you are just not being creative.

SPEAKER_03 6:32

No, there's only so many like egg-shaped people that you know that exist in fiction that that I that I'm Dumpty Dumpty again this year. That's right. Hey, Shrek, all right. No, it's it's so I never been able to wear costumes that don't require glasses.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

Oh, that's yeah, because you don't wear contacts.

Costumes, Aging, And Glasses Problems

SPEAKER_03 6:52

No, because I don't wear contacts, I don't like them. And so there's that. So nothing with a mask, or it can't, you can't very well be Superman, right? It can be Clark Kent, but I cannot be Superman. Yeah you know, hey, I'm Superman, and he forgot to take off his Clark Kent glasses. No.

SPEAKER_00 7:07

Well, you can wear the Clark Kent shirt with the Superman Unitard underneath it.

SPEAKER_03 7:12

No, I'm absolutely not gonna do it. So, and uh of course, I can't have we I can't be Elvis because I don't have any hair, so I can't style my hair.

SPEAKER_00 7:20

Um, yeah, and and these are your two choices, Clark Superman, and Elvis.

SPEAKER_03 7:25

Clark Superman, yes, and Elvis.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

You knew what I meant. Don't don't distract. But you say that Halloween is just for the children. We had a house full of adults that were just as dressed up as the children were on Saturday.

SPEAKER_03 7:36

We did have a really good party. I do have a question though, uh, about this party, about parties in general. I love throwing parties, I love having people over to the uh the little old house. Love all of that. And we shoved, what, 30 people into this tiny ass house?

SPEAKER_00 7:50

Well, our house isn't tiny, but it's just not designed for a flow of people because that's a two-story house. Like if we had taken it and laid it like end to end in no one story, great. But as it is, so we had all of the children upstairs in the loft watching a movie, but all they managed to do was scream throughout the entire thing. And there was probably like 10 or 12 kids here, and then all of their parents, and so I think like 20 plus adults and like 12 plus kids.

SPEAKER_03 8:18

So here's my question though. What do you as the party hosts, and also I'm asking you folks listening out there, if you ever have folks over, what do you see as your responsibility towards the guests that you have in your house?

SPEAKER_00 8:32

Yeah, I feel like I don't settle when we have a party because I need to make sure that, like, and I I go straight into teacher mode. So if there are kids here, I'm helping the little ones. Like we've got crafts or making sure the little kids are comfortable. I, you know, there were like some four and five-year-olds that I was more, you know, that's my demographic. Those are my people.

SPEAKER_03 8:57

As far as I know, I think they're all from this country.

SPEAKER_00 8:59

Four and five. Go ahead, six, seven, and I'm spending you on, I'm gonna do that. Four and five. That's gonna be the new slang. Anyway, I and I want to make sure that I'm trying to make connections between people who don't know each other. And I also feel really bad because I told everybody I was gonna order cheese pizza for the kids and totally forgot to do it. So now I feel like I've lied. When we have a dinner party and we're all just sitting around at the table and talking, then I'm chill, but not when we have like a whole ton of people.

SPEAKER_03 9:31

So that is my question, though. Do you feel like it's your responsibility as the host to make sure that everyone is plugged into everyone else?

SPEAKER_00 9:39

I don't need them to be plugged into everyone else. I just think have somebody else they're plugged into, right? Like, for example, we had it was mostly a lot of my work people, but then we had some neighbors and and and a friend of yours, and then um Winthrop had his best friend here and his parents, and super lovely, wonderful people. I want to hang out with them more, but they didn't know anybody else. And so just trying to make connections of oh, you know so and so, and you know so-and-so, and just making sure everybody felt like really comfortable. And they they said they had a really great time. So I'm hoping I'm hoping I heard I got positive feedback. I think our net promoter score is probably pretty high.

SPEAKER_03 10:19

What?

Hosting Philosophy And Party Design

SPEAKER_00 10:20

You know, a net promoter score is like, you know, when you buy your new Adidas and then Adidas sends you a survey and say how likely are you to buy another pair of Adidas? How likely are you to recommend this to your friends? That's your net promoter score. And so I uh so how likely are you to attend a Wilson party again in the future?

SPEAKER_03 10:37

I also want to know, folks out there, when you throw parties, do you structure the parties? Do you prefer structured parties or unstructured parties? Because we had trivia, yeah, like we did trivia, and then the last party we had, I think it was your birthday.

SPEAKER_00 10:53

Was there one in between the we had a potluck just in like June or July?

SPEAKER_03 10:57

Did we did we have any sort of activity? I don't think that we your birthday we had an activity as well, and I feel like for me, having an activity is better because it brings everyone together in the room and like you're doing something as opposed to I'm just gonna go to this party and maybe I will chat with some people, or more likely me, I won't. When the last few times we've gone to um a person's house, like from your work, we've kind of sat, I've kind of sat to the side because I don't know anyone there, and I'm not Mr. Outgoing. I'm I'm Mr. You know, I will engage if you come to me, but also I don't think I have one of those faces that begs people to come over.

SPEAKER_00 11:42

That guy's really pissed about Halloween. Go talk to him.

SPEAKER_03 11:44

No, no, no, no. Um but I so I think I feel like my responsibility as a host is to provide something to take the pressure off of the people like me.

SPEAKER_00 11:58

Yeah, I I mean I think it was I think it was good. I it was funny because um one of our one of my uh my work friends who's newer to to our center and she had not been to our house before, she said to me, She's I've never been to a party like this. Usually I just go there and we talk and drink. And I'm like, no, no, when you come to a Wilson's party, you must play trivia or you must have a catwalk for your costume. But she was like, No, I really, I really liked it.

SPEAKER_03 12:22

We also did have uh prizes for the best costume and the best couples costume.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

But they all I mean, everybody committed and participated. Yeah, no. Which I and and Muffy was down, like uh participating and on a team, and and you and Muffy had a couples costume.

SPEAKER_03 12:39

Yeah, no, that was good. No, it it it was all good. It those of you who are listening out there, do you prefer like a structured party or do you prefer just to hang out? I know that the Belsons would probably say that they don't like forced fun. Oh, because this is the expression that I've heard before. Forced fun. Which, by the way, um the Belsons mentioned on their podcast um earlier that they had not received an invitation. Um, but we did. You did.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

To our party or to just to anybody's in the world?

SPEAKER_03 13:12

No, no, no, to our party. You did I asked them.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

Right.

SPEAKER_03 13:16

But advise Belsons. No, but the thing is, we didn't offer to cover um airfare from London or from Slough.

SPEAKER_00 13:24

Listen, friends, when people came to my house, I gave them like things I had bought at Trader Joe's that were around$3.99 uh in American dollars. So whatever that conversion rate is is what I'll give you toward your airfare.

SPEAKER_03 13:37

Okay, listen, y'all are welcome to to come on over and and see what uh what a big mess this country is whenever you whenever you want to.

SPEAKER_00 13:46

Okay, speaking of costumes though, so I'm I'm I'm a little stumped because Winter Pass 2 this Friday at school, they're not usually schools will do like, oh, come as your favorite storybook character or whatever. Well, his teacher is saying he has to come as an idiom. Okay, and so he didn't want to do it, and I'm like trying to explain to him that I think this is an assignment because there's a paper he has to fill out. This isn't just like voluntary, I think he has to do this, it's forced fun. Forced fun. And so he has decided to be a piece of cake. So I'm just gonna get a white t-shirt and do some felt like cake on it, right? But then for the whole school, it's Red Ribbon Week. And do you know what do you remember that? Like from the 80s, and we had Dare and stuff like that. Red ribbon is the ribbon that's you're gonna say no to drugs? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so on Friday, how did it how did I send it to you in the Belsins? How does it word? It's like he has to wear a costume that shows how he's going to say no to drugs.

SPEAKER_03 14:50

I don't even understand. What does that look like? Does that mean that that he arrives as like someone like as a cautionary tale? Like he's gotta come in and he's got dark circles under his eyes and and like really red nose and he's the non-example. Track marks in his arms. Like, what does that mean? I think I'd like to please get back to just coming as an idiom.

unknown 15:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 15:18

I think he could so here's some idioms that he could go as, right? Yeah. Break a leg.

SPEAKER_00 15:22

Are you gonna break his leg?

SPEAKER_03 15:24

No, but no, he goes like with a big thing.

SPEAKER_00 15:27

Oh, but I have like a leg thing he can walk around in.

SPEAKER_03 15:30

Okay, well, bite the bullet.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

Okay. Oh, no.

SPEAKER_03 15:32

No, you can't take that to school. Never mind. Um, let's see. Oh, here's an interesting one. No, can't do this one.

SPEAKER_00 15:39

I saw one that was like beating a dead horse, but I'm not giving him a bat and a horse stuffy.

SPEAKER_03 15:43

Beat around the bush. Let's not even touch that. Um let's see. Hit the sack. That's a good one. Oh, that doesn't matter. If you hit the sack, he could just come in with a like a boxing glove and a sack of garbage. Um pull someone's leg. That could be right hand in hand with break a leg. There's plenty of things that he can do. Time flies when you're having fun. He he goes with a with a clock that has wings on it. Ah, all right.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

You'll be in charge of the idiom costume then.

Structured Fun, Trivia, And Social Flow

SPEAKER_03 16:18

Yeah, yeah. Well, no, you but what is he gonna go as?

SPEAKER_00 16:21

Well, I told him he doesn't want to go as anything. And then he was like, fine, I'll go as ranning cats and dogs. I can get an umbrella and put cats and dogs on it. Like, they're not gonna let you open the umbrella in school. And so I I was like, he was like, I don't want to do it. I said, Okay, let's just do a piece of cake. And so he was like, fine. So I'm gonna just get him a shirt with a piece of cake on it, but you can come up with something else that's more creative.

SPEAKER_03 16:43

Comparing apples to oranges, he goes with an apple and an orange. Apples to oranges. Don't count your chickens before they're they're they're hatched. That's a good one. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. That's a good one too.

SPEAKER_00 16:55

Two baskets with eggs?

SPEAKER_03 16:56

Yes, yes. No, yes.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

All right, we've got those. I've got baskets, I've got Easter eggs.

SPEAKER_03 17:01

Don't count your eggs before the the egg is the milk is spilled or something like that. I don't know. I have another different question. Different subject.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

Another different one. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 17:10

Yes, different subject. Can you tell that that maybe I've had a little wine tonight? But that's okay. Um, what's with all the water bottles?

SPEAKER_00 17:18

In our life or just in general in the world?

SPEAKER_03 17:21

In general, how the hell did we survive?

SPEAKER_00 17:24

We did it.

SPEAKER_03 17:25

We drank out of water hoses children without having a water bottle at our back end cool.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

And these children, have you seen the one Muffy carries around? It's big and she like fills it up all of the time.

SPEAKER_03 17:39

These kids must have to pee constantly.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

I have to pee constantly, and I don't even have a water bottle.

SPEAKER_03 17:45

Well, that's because we're both old.

SPEAKER_00 17:47

Like, I'm no, I've always had to pee.

SPEAKER_03 17:49

I've well, I've always had to pee too, but I've gotten to the point now where I am absolutely I mean, I might as well set a timer for 3 30 in the morning. Yeah. Because I will wake up and have to pee. And I don't care if like I've had a big drink before I go to sleep or not. I don't know whether my body is sucking the humidity out of the Florida air, but 3:30 clockwork, I I pee. I might as well plan to do something because I'm going to be up anyway. Okay. I need to get a job that starts at like four because I am going to be waking up at 3 30. Is there any remote jobs that start at 4 that I can work from 4 until you know 8 or whatever, whatever the the four to like 2 or whatever it is.

SPEAKER_00 18:33

You can go work in a bakery. They start baking the making the donuts really early.

SPEAKER_03 18:37

I don't know. I could do it though, because I am waking up. But I just don't understand. I mean, you said it. When when we were kids, like, first of all, it was gonna be sprite, right? It wasn't drink tang. Right. Or like sunny delight or fruit or um, what is it? Um fruit punch. Kool-Aid, right, right, right, or bug juice or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 18:57

Hawaiian punch is what you're thinking of.

SPEAKER_03 18:58

Hawaiian punch is exactly. Those were the things that we lived, or Gatorade, a lot of Gatorade in my house. I didn't do a one fucking stitch of sweating, much less athletics, but I had my Gatorade boy. But like water wasn't a thing. Like, no one and you said it, like when we're having water, it's when we're sucking it out of a rusty hose, right? And that's not a euphemism.

SPEAKER_00 19:18

And it's um probably like reclaimed water. It's probably not like filtered, it's just dude.

SPEAKER_03 19:24

They did not reclaim water in the 80s. It's just the water you got was the water you got from the aquifer. Um, so uh I just don't get I just don't understand.

SPEAKER_00 19:33

I had tea in my house a lot. My mom would make sweet tea.

SPEAKER_03 19:36

Oh, yeah. Well, you were southern.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:38

We did not have tea in my house. I don't think I drank tea. That's not true. I had that fake Liptons.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Oh, yeah, that's gross.

SPEAKER_03 19:45

Yeah, I had that. I like that. That was actually good. But it always gave me a sore throat after I drank it.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

Oh, that's weird.

SPEAKER_03 19:50

Out of the can, yeah. But I just need to know what all these what what's the point with all these water bottles? What's the point in any case?

SPEAKER_00 19:56

I don't know. And Winthrop won't drink his because it's warm. Like because it's not an insulated one. And so now I've just taken to filling it up with just ice cubes so that by the time he goes to drink it, it's at least like room temperature. I did buy him a fancy new water bottle for his birthday.

SPEAKER_03 20:12

So reminder, it started to leak this morning, so now it leaks.

SPEAKER_00 20:15

Okay, well, I ordered him a new one for his birthday, which is in like uh seven days or something.

SPEAKER_03 20:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

I thought about what we could buy him for his birthday.

SPEAKER_03 20:22

What's that?

SPEAKER_00 20:23

But I don't know if you're on board with this or not.

SPEAKER_03 20:24

What's that?

Idiom Costumes And Red Ribbon Week

SPEAKER_00 20:25

Um, a keyboard because he he was into tonight when we were at work and he wants to play the piano. And I'm not buying him a piano, but we could get on like I had a Casio keyboard when I was little and it had the lights that lit up, so you knew which one. It was like Simon says, but like, or Simon with that thing that light up when you push the buttons, and it had a tape, and you could put it in it, and it had songs on it that would light up and teach me how to play it. And I learned how to play Right Here Waiting for You by Richard Marks. Also, I just called to say I love you was on that tape, and then um What's Love Got to Do with It? Those were the three songs that were on my Casio keyboard.

SPEAKER_03 21:03

Whenever I saw Casio, I would I would know how to play the one button. The demo button.

SPEAKER_00 21:10

Okay, but anyway, I think we should get him a keyboard.

SPEAKER_03 21:13

Fine, that's fine. As long as it comes with headphones.

SPEAKER_00 21:15

Okay, yeah, no, he does. You know what he wanted? He asked me for for his birthday, a gaming chair. I told him no.

SPEAKER_03 21:20

Oh, absolutely not. We're not doing that. Um, yeah, no, that's good. So um, let's see, let's see what we've covered here. I don't like Halloween. What's with all the water bottles? Um, should there be forced fun? I'm going down my list of things that we're gonna talk about today. Um, Chicken Tom. Let's talk about Chicken Tom a little bit. Okay. Chicken Tom has retired from his job. I don't see him at work anymore. And Chicken Tom, I am calling you all the way out right now because you are not answering my texts. And I do not want to think that you have turned your back on me and we're no longer friends because you don't win because we don't work at the same place anymore. So, Chicken Tom, where have you gone?

SPEAKER_00 22:04

That could be a song, like a really good country song.

SPEAKER_03 22:07

You program it on your Casio. You think it'd be a country song? Chicken Tom, wherever you can do it.

SPEAKER_00 22:12

Well, of course it would.

SPEAKER_03 22:14

I think it's a really sad Gregorian chant.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

Okay, where it could be that's ridiculous. Tom, hope you're well. Please get in touch with Josh. He's sad.

SPEAKER_03 22:24

You know who we did see tonight? Joey. Joey. We saw Joey. You all, if you make it to the end of our recording, you know that we give Joey always a shout-out. And we saw Joey today. Wonderful to see Joey. He was asking, because he's not all the way caught up with our show. He was asking if there's any updates on the homeowners association or the developers of this neighborhood. And the answer is not really. So we all all the neighbors got together, they put their differences aside to gather on the the pool deck of the neighborhood pool and complain. It's just for I thought an hour. And try to come up with some sort of strategy on on how to get these people to do the stuff that they're supposed to do. And we created a WhatsApp group, as I said, and that first week, boy, people were like on fire writing complaints to code enforcement of the county. And since then, as with most efforts and revolutions, it kind of went.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

Yeah, I mean, we got what we needed out of it. I would like other things to happen, but the thing I needed to happen happened. So I've kind of I've lost a bit of fire in my gumption, um my gumption.

Water Bottles, Hydration Culture, And Nostalgia

SPEAKER_03 23:49

So there you go, Joey. There's your update. Um, we were it's funny because yeah, like like Amanda said, we were happy when they they ripped this damn house down next to us. We were fine and we were content. And then the rest of the neighbors saw that and they're like, oh, we can do this too. And then they made this meeting and they asked us to come to it, which, you know, all things being equal, I could have easily just not have gone to it because, like I said, the the thing that we wanted was gone. So, you know, it's if we're not doing it, it ain't gonna get done. Yeah, that's all I'm that's.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

I mean, you have the power. Speaking of people that we call out at the end, I know we haven't gotten an update letter from Jeff, right?

SPEAKER_03 24:30

Right.

SPEAKER_00 24:31

But did you see Jeff's so Jeffrey? Um, I'm thinking of you. Did you see Jeff's post today?

SPEAKER_03 24:37

No.

SPEAKER_00 24:38

Maybe Jeff, I'm gonna tell your story a little bit, but you put it out on the socials, so I think it's okay. Jeff bought a cologne. There's a cologne that Jeff really, really loves, really, really expensive. So he got a dupe of it, smelled really great, got complimented on it, woke up this morning horribly swollen, a really, really bad case of contact dermatitis. Oh no. Had to go to the emergency clinic, had to get a steroid shot, and on steroids for like the next week. So the lesson is uh Jeff's skin is really bougie.

SPEAKER_03 25:11

Wait bougie? What do you mean, bougie? If it's all broken out, that's not bougie.

SPEAKER_00 25:16

Because it was the knockoff scent.

SPEAKER_03 25:18

Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, he that he's too fancy for that mess.

SPEAKER_00 25:22

But Jeff, I'm thinking of you and hope that you're you're rear well, because that is really miserable.

SPEAKER_03 25:28

Yeah, sorry, Jeff. Our our um our condolences to you and uh hope you heal up really soon with your bougie skin. Forgive me, father, for I have sinned. It's fess hole time. That's right, it's time for fess holes. Amanda, I have three fess holes for you, and I just want you to give me your response to these if it reminds you of anything that's happened to you. Um, like this first one. I may have nearly knocked out my gynecologist by shooting a speculum at his head.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

Oh god, like from your vagina?

SPEAKER_03 26:06

It wasn't my fault. He made me laugh, my muscles contracted, and suddenly my twat was a cannon.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

Oh my god. No, that's not happened, but I have fallen into the lap of my gynecologist when they told me to scoot down further on the table.

SPEAKER_03 26:21

No, and you were you were like naked?

SPEAKER_00 26:23

Yeah, well, I mean naked from the waist down.

SPEAKER_03 26:25

How was that for both of you?

SPEAKER_00 26:27

Horrible, but I was 18 and it was my first time at the gynecologist.

SPEAKER_03 26:30

Did you have to? I mean, he caught me.

SPEAKER_00 26:32

Oh, I was like, push me back up.

SPEAKER_03 26:34

Oh, that is, and did you ever go back to him again?

SPEAKER_00 26:37

No, but this is also the doctor that delivered me. So he was like old at this point.

SPEAKER_03 26:43

Okay, well. Uh male gynecologist, though? Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_00 26:47

I don't think they had female ones in the 70s.

SPEAKER_03 26:49

Are you kidding me?

SPEAKER_00 26:50

I mean, they weren't as prom yes, of course they did, but they weren't as prominent.

SPEAKER_03 26:54

Oh man.

SPEAKER_00 26:55

Shirley had a male one. Dr. I started to say Castro. That's not right, but it's something similar.

SPEAKER_03 27:01

Dr. Castro, yeah, I don't know. Okay, next one. When I make a sandwich using, I remembered his name.

SPEAKER_00 27:08

Sorry. Go ahead. Corillo, Dr. Carillo, go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 27:10

Okay, God rest the soul. When I make a sandwich using bread from a sliced loaf, I insist on it being made with two adjacent slices from the loaf.

SPEAKER_00 27:18

Of course.

SPEAKER_03 27:18

These dudes have been through a lot together on the way to my plate, so it's only right their last journey is together into my gob.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

Yeah, no, absolutely. They have to be friends.

SPEAKER_00 27:27

And also, though, because when you slice it, those are the ones that are gonna match the best.

SPEAKER_03 27:33

I feel like now though, that I want to only ever get the ones that aren't next to each other because it's the same thing like you're a host of the party. You're trying to get new people together.

SPEAKER_00 27:45

But I do this though. Like I have empathy for inanimate objects. So like when I'm shopping, I don't typically pull the first one off the shelf. I will get one, two, or three back because the first one off the shelf is gonna get taken. The other ones aren't sure that they're going home with anybody. You're not right.

SPEAKER_01 28:02

And someone's got to get them. I mean, because and I do. I think like I they need to have hope. The ones in the front are gonna get home.

SPEAKER_03 28:11

It's amazing that you're concerned that the tomato soup can't get picked last for kickball.

SPEAKER_01 28:17

Yes, and if they're dented, I'd get them even more because then like no one's gonna want them because they're damaged.

SPEAKER_03 28:23

Oh god.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

That's how you I wound up with you.

Birthday Gifts, Keyboards, And Gaming Chairs

SPEAKER_03 28:26

You're damaged. Okay, next. 24-year-old guy here in my first ever serious relationship. We rent a place together now, and I've just been told for the first time that it's not normal for people to iron their socks and boxers.

SPEAKER_00 28:40

Oh, sir. Listen, I think the only time that ironing of the socks and boxers is okay is if you have a personal valet who's doing that for you.

SPEAKER_03 28:52

Oh, then it's especially not okay.

SPEAKER_00 28:54

If you've got to have that's accepted in your world.

SPEAKER_03 28:56

If you've got to have that kind of hang up, don't you dare impose that shit on anyone else.

SPEAKER_00 29:01

No, this is what the the prince and the kings and the queens all have. Because it's expected of the royal family.

SPEAKER_03 29:07

Yes, and we all know how incredibly well adjusted they are. Isn't it? No, they're not. Isn't that right, Andrew?

SPEAKER_00 29:13

Nope.

SPEAKER_03 29:16

All right, so those are our fest holes for today. Hope you enjoyed them. And if you want to hear some some more fest holes, then bop on over to, I don't know, one of your socials and look up Fesshole. Not a sponsor, but we really enjoy them.

SPEAKER_00 30:00

It is game time, and that is from AJCW, who is our lovely second born son. Gonna have a birthday soon. Happy birthday, Andrew.

SPEAKER_03 30:10

And if you want to hear more music by AJCW, check out any streaming music app. He's there. He's good.

SPEAKER_00 30:18

So we're talking about Halloween, and one of the things that has been driving you nuts is this idea of six, seven, right?

SPEAKER_03 30:24

Don't want to don't want to mention it anymore. Don't want to talk about it anymore.

SPEAKER_00 30:27

Well, but it's that's what you and Muffy were for Halloween.

SPEAKER_03 30:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 30:31

Because she was a six and you were seven, because we couldn't figure out what you should be. So we've been having this conversation around what does this mean. And I thought back to one of our more successful outings of me giving you a game was you trying to um identify the slang terms for vaginas and and penises, right? Across this the centuries.

SPEAKER_03 30:55

Yes, I wouldn't have called that quiz particularly successful, but go ahead.

Chicken Tom, Joey, And HOA Updates

SPEAKER_00 30:59

Okay. Well, similar to, but this is more just like I'm gonna ask you a little bit of slang questions from across the centuries, right? So do you know what did bumber shoot mean in the 19th century?

SPEAKER_03 31:12

Vagina.

SPEAKER_00 31:13

No. Is it A, a foolish person, B, an umbrella, C, a type of hat, or D a dance move. Bumber shoot, all one word.

SPEAKER_03 31:21

Type of hat.

SPEAKER_00 31:22

It is a playful Victorian slang for an umbrella. All right. Now I'm not asking you that one. Okay, here's an 80s slang one, right? Like you're an 80s kid, and you were saying tonight to Joey that you don't think that we had words that just meant nothing.

SPEAKER_03 31:35

No, all the slang that we had growing up, like was connected to something that existed on this planet, yes.

SPEAKER_00 31:41

So what was a Zeke in 1980 slang?

SPEAKER_03 31:45

Do you know this word? Zeke. Zeke was the nickname of Isaiah Thomas, a point guard for the Detroit Pistons. I get a point, mark it down.

SPEAKER_00 31:54

Okay. Was it A, a Greek person? B, a geek who is undeniably attractive, C, a type of hairstyle, or D, someone who's asleep.

SPEAKER_03 32:03

Uh, a type of hairstyle.

SPEAKER_00 32:05

It was a geek who is undeniably attractive. When someone was geeky in personality, but actually attractive, fun, or pretty, you call them a Zeek. They're the best kind of geek. All right.

SPEAKER_03 32:15

It's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_00 32:16

And we've talked about 6'7, nobody knows what it means, but I did um find out the origin of it. I think it originated from the song Dute Doot 6'7 by Skrilla and videos of NBA player Lamello Ball, who is six foot seven, set to the song and it went viral. Okay. Do you know what bag your face meant in the 80s?

SPEAKER_03 32:38

Yeah, it means that you're ugly, so bag up your face.

SPEAKER_00 32:40

I've never heard of this.

SPEAKER_03 32:41

Oh, yeah, no, no. Gag yourself with a spoon and then bag your face.

SPEAKER_00 32:45

Okay. What was powdering hair in Victorian slang?

SPEAKER_03 32:49

You mean other than powdering hair? Um, do you have multiples?

SPEAKER_00 32:54

Putting powder in your wig, getting drunk at a tavern, grooming yourself, or going bald?

SPEAKER_03 32:59

Grooming yourself.

SPEAKER_00 33:00

Getting drunk at a tavern. When Victorian gentlemen headed to the tavern to drink excessively, they'd say they were powdering their hair instead of just saying getting drunk. Okay. I don't know this. Did you say this in the 80s? Butter when something was butter.

SPEAKER_03 33:14

When something was butter? I've heard of butterface.

SPEAKER_00 33:17

No. Yes, but that's butterface. Right. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 33:20

Well, no, but it but it was butter face. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:23

Yeah, I understand. So something fatty, something smooth and cool, someone who spreads gossip, or a type of dance move.

SPEAKER_03 33:29

Oh, it's like butter. It's like butter. So smooth and cool and whatever.

SPEAKER_00 33:34

The example that it gave me is you gotta peg your pants. That's butter.

SPEAKER_03 33:38

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got that one.

SPEAKER_00 33:39

Okay. What did tally wags mean in the 18th century?

SPEAKER_03 33:42

Peanosh.

SPEAKER_00 33:44

No, testicles. No, you were supposed to give me multiples. A type of dance, a man's testicles, wagons for transport or fake money.

SPEAKER_03 33:52

Testicles.

SPEAKER_00 33:53

Tally wags or terry wags. It's a euphemism for um testicles, and so was thing embobs.

SPEAKER_03 34:00

I'm giving myself points for that.

SPEAKER_00 34:02

Okay. Alright, that's fine. Um, here's a new one for you. Late 2025. Go ahead. What does GERT or GERTing mean?

SPEAKER_03 34:12

When you gird your loins.

SPEAKER_00 34:14

G-U-R-T-GERT.

SPEAKER_03 34:16

GERT. I think it's to like throw up.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

All right. Is it A a type of yogurt brand? B doing something very smart but also very dangerous. C, being tired, or D wearing nice clothes?

SPEAKER_03 34:31

Uh nice clothes.

SPEAKER_00 34:33

Doing something very smart but also dangerous. It started as a viral GERT yo meme, but involved it evolved into this. So you've heard it here first. Go use Gert.

SPEAKER_03 34:42

What is it from though? What does it mean? What's the the origins of the word?

SPEAKER_00 34:46

I I don't know. 2025 memes. Who knows?

SPEAKER_03 34:49

It's like yeet. What is I know what yeet means, but where did the word yeet come from?

SPEAKER_00 34:53

I don't know, but here's my favorite one. And we'll just do a couple more 2025s. But this one is 18th century slang. What did lobcock mean?

SPEAKER_03 35:04

Um, that's when it's so big that in order to not tread upon it, you had to throw it over your shoulder.

SPEAKER_00 35:11

Is it a type of seafood, a door lock, a haircut, or a large relaxed penis? Also a dull inanimate fellow.

SPEAKER_03 35:19

Door door thing.

SPEAKER_00 35:21

No, it is 18th century. Actually, it uses this word both as an anatomical reference and as an insult for boring men. It is a large relaxed penis. There you go.

SPEAKER_03 35:31

I don't what you don't like that? No, I don't know that that's such a big insult. You're a large relaxed penis. That sounds lovely.

SPEAKER_00 35:42

All right. A cup, just two more. All right. What does chat mean when Gen Z says, chat, is this real?

SPEAKER_03 35:49

Like fam, friends.

Fesshole Confessions And Reactions

SPEAKER_00 35:51

Yes, they're addressing their group of friends. It's like saying guys. All right, last one. What does Shreking mean in 2025 Gen Z dating terms?

SPEAKER_03 36:01

Dating terms? You're dating someone who's just as ugly as you are.

SPEAKER_00 36:06

Someone you're not physically attracted to, but hoping they'll treat you well.

SPEAKER_03 36:10

Bam. There we go.

SPEAKER_00 36:12

So you did pretty well.

SPEAKER_03 36:13

No, I count.

SPEAKER_00 36:14

You counted? All right, how many did you get?

SPEAKER_03 36:17

There's 10 questions.

SPEAKER_00 36:19

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 36:20

I got 50%, baby.

SPEAKER_00 36:22

Alright, so 50% is a respectable showing. I'm gonna call you a lobcock.

SPEAKER_03 36:29

Please don't. Alright, Amanda, that's all there is. There is no more. What'd you think about that mess?

SPEAKER_00 36:39

I thought it was all lovecock.

SPEAKER_03 36:42

That's so good.

SPEAKER_00 36:43

That's my new word.

SPEAKER_03 36:44

Oh, good. Use that work, see how long you last. The folks without whom we would not be able to do this every week. These are the folks that we would like to thank. Thanks to Josh Scar. We've met him. Thanks to Monique from Germany. Not met her. Got a letter from her. Thanks to Matt. Not met him. Antonio. Nope. Not him. Leo. Nope. Ryan Baker. Met him, I think. Don't really remember. Refined Gay Jeff. Met him. Spent a lot of time with that wonderful person. Joey.

SPEAKER_01 37:17

Joey.

SPEAKER_03 37:17

Of course we know Joey. Danny Buckets, met him in London. Chicken Tom, I knew him. Mark and Rachel. Of course we spent time with them. Lovely people. And Dan and Gavin, we've met them, but don't necessarily want to admit to it.

SPEAKER_00 37:36

I'll admit to knowing one of them.

SPEAKER_03 37:38

So so until next week or whenever it is that we get around to recording again, you all be safe.

SPEAKER_00 37:46

Go be kind. Bye. Bye.