Can You Masturbate Yourself to Death?

La petite mort. This phrase, meaning the little death, is an old school French euphemism for Orgasms. But, what happens when our pursuit of these little deaths results in the big one? Around the globe, thousands die each year from these autoerotic fatalities, and those are just the ones where the family let the coroner put that down on paper.

So how does the five finger shuffle turn deadly? Today we're talking about masturbation and all the ways the grim reaper might catch you with your pants down. We'll explore the famous cases from the medical journals and how you can avoid a similar fate.

This episode is not for the squeamish,  so buckle up because that's what you're in for today on Impolite Society.

Sources:

https://usstore.tenga.co/pages/globalreport2021

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3177356/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11453096/#:~:text=We%20report%20a%20case%20of,a%20sufficient%20amount%20of%20air. 

https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2006/mar/23/drugsandalcohol.uknews2 

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35315374/ 

https://www.ojp.gov/ncjrs/virtual-library/abstracts/autoerotic-fatalities-power-hydraulics#:~:text=This%20article%20describes%20two%20cases,used%20a%20frontend%20loader%20shovel. 

Transcript

Rachel 0:05

La petite mort. This phrase, meaning the little death, is an old school French euphemism for Orgasms. But, what happens when our pursuit of these little deaths results in the big one? Around the globe, thousands die each year from these autoerotic fatalities, and those are just the ones where the family let the coroner put that down on paper. So how does the five finger shuffle turn deadly? Today we're talking about masturbation and all the ways the grim reaper might catch you with your pants down. We'll explore the famous cases from the medical journals and how you can avoid a similar fate. This episode is not for the squeamish, so buckle up because that's what you're in for today on Impolite Society. This is Impolite Society. I'm Rachel and over there we got little Laura B.

Laura 1:41

Yo,

Rachel 1:43

L. Bean. I don't know why that came to my head, but it did.

Laura 1:47

LB, those are my initials. And I didn't realize that LB stood for pounds until I was in fifth grade.

Rachel 1:55

Oh man, that is a fun set of initials to have. No!

Laura 2:03

okay, let's go into the episode.

Rachel 2:06

my goodness. Uh, but I do have a very heavy question for you to get us started. Laura, what percentage of people do you think masturbate?

Laura 2:19

100%, or 99. 9 percent of people, because if anybody says they don't, they're fucking lying.

Rachel 2:25

And that is what the old saying is, right? 99 percent of people will say they masturbate and the 1 percent is lying, but It's not quite that strong, but the truth is most people masturbate and there wasn't really a good study to find this metric. I think, uh, the most recent one was from like 2018, but they found that

Laura 2:46

It at least doubled during COVID.

Rachel 2:49

that's what I was going to say. And actually they have some, but a lot of their sex questions, I want to say it's called Tenga is the place that does the research. But a lot of their questions and their recent surveys were related to COVID. Um, I think their most recent one was 2021. So I'm like. I just want to, I just want to know what's happening in normal times. So in the 2018, 2019 rang, range, not rank, about eight to nine out of 10 masturbated in their lifetime. So that's across ages, generations, genders. When you get real specific, like looking at men, it's more like 95 percent of men have masturbated.

Laura 3:27

And again, that other 5 percent and that, uh, 10 out of 10 person is lying because I feel like even just like accidentally you're in the shower and you're like, maybe cleaning it a little too hard. And you're like, Oh, Oh, Oh,

Rachel 3:44

yeah, I really need to get that spot clean. It's feeling a little, it needs

Laura 3:48

it's dirty,

Rachel 3:50

It is dirty. Yes. And I think some of these surveys too, they were asking them face to face. So that's also going to influence the results a bit. But, okay, can you have too much of a good thing? I think we all, of us, 95, 90 percent of people who have masturbated, know that it's not the worst thing in the world, but can you have too much of that good thing? Uh, always, right? And so the question we're going to be tackling today is Can you masturbate yourself to death? Now, If you type that little phrase into Google, you are not only going to end up on some kind of list, but you're going to see a thousand sensational news stories with the headlines, Man dies after masturbating X number of times in a row. And I let my eyeballs and browser history take the hit for this one because I clicked on that story and it is like some early 2000s level urban legend snope nonsense.

Laura 4:55

way mobile and you're not clicking on this in incognito mode. Has impolite society taught you nothing, Rachel? You have to put your browser in incognito mode. What kind of advertisements are you going to get about, you know, the anti death masturbation secret? You don't even know. You have taken your internet life into your own

Rachel 5:18

Yeah, I'm gonna get a lot of ads that say, you lonely? Call this number

Laura 5:25

900

Rachel 5:27

jacking off to death. Uh, yes, no, Laura, I did use incognito mode for my browser, but I cannot use it for my eyes. Unfortunately, my eyes will retain the information I read.

Laura 5:38

Never forget.

Rachel 5:40

And now you won't either because here it comes, because this is all so phony, phony, phony, phony. and it's the same story, literally verbatim parts of it are copy and pasted, but the details are always different. Sometimes it's a teen, sometimes it's an older man, sometimes it's in the US, it's in South America, it's in Japan. And the number of times varies as well, 42, 46, 58, always even for some reason. But in some of the details among the details that are consistent throughout are some of my favorite, which is a quote from a insert investigator here that is present in every single one of these stories. The young man was on his bed. His penis was detached from his body. It must have been so intense, it came off his body. We found his penis gripped in his left hand so tightly, we couldn't get it out. It was tragic.

Laura 6:43

That has to be a lie. You cannot literally pull your penis off from masturbating. You can't pull your clitoris off from masturbating. Who is reporting this? Is this like the freaking National Enquirer? Where

Rachel 7:00

Yeah, it's not, it's not Reputable sources. I think one was called the Pakistani today or whatever. So

Laura 7:06

don't

Rachel 7:07

who knows? But yes, unless this same instance is happening in all these different locations to all these different men with one investigator who just repeats the same line over and over and over. Well, they're, yeah, they're not flying. They're locked firm in the hand. But I, that's needless to say, I don't think anybody can take this report seriously, right?

Laura 7:32

mm mm.

Rachel 7:33

But yet, in case we were concerned about the fact if we could masturbate ourselves to death, which, based on the number of questions on Reddit, suggests that people sure are concerned about if they can masturbate themselves to death. So let's just set the record straight. You absolutely cannot masturbate yourself to death just by sheer repetition alone. And that Comes from Planned Parenthood, a source I trust, fully, doing the lord's work.

Laura 8:05

I mean because Literally just the act. I mean, maybe you could get a rash some chafing. You're a little sore I mean if you're really going at it, maybe you can cause some bleeding, you know If you're you know, really going at it tight or really You know, DJing real fast, real dry. I could see how maybe you could rip some skin. But, I mean, literally the act of orgasm cannot kill you. I mean, maybe if you're like on your deathbed and you're almost dehydrated. I mean, yeah, nonsense, nonsense, fucking nonsense.

Rachel 8:41

in a horse situation, where if, yes, you only masturbated for hours straight, yeah, you might die. I mean, just, same with video games,

Laura 8:52

Yeah, yeah, exactly. You do anything too much.

Rachel 8:55

Podcasting. We're going to see us on our 92 hour stream here

Laura 8:58

Then we just,

Rachel 9:00

and then we die.

Laura 9:01

yeah.

Rachel 9:02

Um, but don't get me wrong. As you said, there is an inherent risk, right? At times when it comes to masturbation and sex, A man in Japan nearly died after having a brain aneurysm after masturbating. And there's nothing to say that the masturbating caused the aneurysm, but the man described it as a thunderclap headache immediately after finishing. So there seems to be some connections there.

Laura 9:28

What is a thunderclap headache?

Rachel 9:31

Wa BAM! Hit him that

Laura 9:33

Like, okay, so out of nowhere, absolutely can't I mean, yeah, cause there's all kinds of brain chemistry going on in that moment. You know, your, your, uh, your vascular system is probably very dilated. There's a lot of hormones running around. I mean, yeah, again, like you said, cart before the horse situation.

Rachel 9:54

Truly, because sexual excitement has known to raise blood pressure and heart rate, plus all the things that you said. So if there's an underlying issue, that sexual excitement can turn deadly. And this is proven in very many cleverly titled listicles about famous and historical figures who have died whilst getting some action.

Laura 10:16

That's immediately what I thought of. You know, see that story about like the old man dying on top of his young, hot trophy wife? I mean, if you're a dude, sex, women, sex, I mean, you're kind of, if you want to be, you can be very passive in this situation. You know, there's a lot of cardiovascular exercise when you're the one doing the thrusting. So, yeah.

Rachel 10:43

when you're sexually excited, you do kind of lose track of other external stimuli, so you may not be as cleaned in to, um, the

Laura 10:52

My chest hurts.

Rachel 10:54

giving you. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we learned that at some point in our research that your pain sensitivity goes down, uh, you can't hear as well. You're like, I think

Laura 11:04

sex sounds episode.

Rachel 11:05

yeah, so there is a lot of physiological responses that could make it easier to die. but I also just want to point out that this is our first time talking about the connection between sex and death. And I think I might say something that our first inclination was to talk about masturbation and death as opposed to actually regular sex and death.

Laura 11:27

happens more than the other, even when you're in committed, loving relationships. That's all I'm going to say about the topic.

Rachel 11:35

And certainly is more exciting anyways, but just kidding. A And you know, this is the case, right? When sex is deadly. It's linked to the more exciting sex, right? More exciting sense, sex, sex sense gets all, all of those things we talked about, pumping higher, it elevates it. So it can be even more deadly. And since the dawn of sex, we've been looking for ways to make it more intense. I bet even us proto humans were getting freaky with whatever resources were available at the time. We did invent tools after all. But these aids can bump up aids. So that was a bad choice of phrase. These uh, tools, these, these IC mechanisms, these insistence not hiv aids, these can bump up arousal a bit too much. And this is the

Laura 12:33

to go back to proto humans and what resources that they may have had in order to,

Rachel 12:41

to, achieve orgasm. Um,

Laura 12:44

dildos. That's like, Oh,

Rachel 12:49

be talking about later on this list.

Laura 12:51

okay. You're going to drop some knowledge.

Rachel 12:53

Today's versions of these are genetically engineered, so they're a little bit bigger and probably more exciting than the ones of the past. But,

Laura 13:03

OMG, I have so many questions.

Rachel 13:05

We'll, we'll

Laura 13:06

wait to yeah, I can't

Rachel 13:07

yeah, I think there was probably somebody, like, rubbing two sticks together on top of a clitoris. You know, like,

Laura 13:14

Try to start a fire? Is that what was

Rachel 13:18

the friction and the heat, baby. That's all that, that's all you need. Starting some kind of fire.

Laura 13:23

a

Rachel 13:24

But when we talk about those rubbing sticks together and that's causing a little too much excitement, more excitement than the poor human body can handle, one case is of a British nanny. I don't know why that was relevant. She's British. Her name is Nicola Peggington and she died at the tender age of 31. She was found in her bed with a sex toy and a laptop loaded with pornography nearby, the pathologist determined she had likely died from a sudden heart arrhythmia brought on by her heightened state of excitement.

Laura 14:04

name like Nicola Pag

Rachel 14:08

to

Laura 14:11

so close to Peggington. I just, I, so many thoughts. and when you talked about laptop, I was a little bit. Like thrown back. I thought it was going to be earlier in, uh, in lifetime. But again, this is, this is a cart or a horse situation. You cannot be a 100 percent healthy human being with like a good cardiovascular system and die because you were excited about porn.

Rachel 14:40

Well, not, you know, maybe porn, not just porn, right? But sometimes the orgasms can be even more intense than we Then you run of the mill one. And this is the

Laura 14:52

what kind of pornography?

Rachel 14:54

Well, this isn't just, it isn't just the pornography. What I'm going to tell you is a story of a man. who met his end when he amped up his self pleasuring with a little bit more unusual of a tool. Um, a 57 year old was found slumped over his vacuum, locked in a lover's last embrace. And I like that face you're making, Laura. That pretty much sums up the face I made!

Laura 15:20

fucked his vacuum?

Rachel 15:21

Yes, because the suction engorges your member, which makes the orgasm more intense. And I learned about this through the chapter on the clitorises when I was learning about clitorises for the clit episode, reading Mary Roche's book. And she mentioned that this man had died and granted, she was a lot more tactful than the report in the medical journal I found was because. That's where she left it. This man was having a tryst with his vacuum, and he died. And apparently it wasn't the first time that that had happened, too. Um, his wife had walked in on him before.

Laura 15:56

Okay, so it was an ongoing affair, is what you're saying.

Rachel 16:00

but this was when he bit the big one, and what I found from the report on it was just, Oh my gosh, I, uh, do you want to read this one?

Laura 16:11

Uh, I 100 percent want to read this one. I'm gonna do this in my reporter's voice.

Rachel 16:18

Ooh.

Laura 16:19

The decedent was naked, leaning against a dining table with his feet on the floor. His testicles, thighs, and buttocks were tightly bound with pantyhose. The areas in direct contact with the vacuum cleaner's beater bar, his abdomen, parts of his chest, and arms showed some burn marks. A bottle of wine, some food items, a jar of lubricant, a glass of urine, and a wooden table leg. Oh, and

Rachel 16:50

Laura hasn't read

Laura 16:51

I'm reading this live. And a wooden table leg laden with fecal material were on the dining room table.

Rachel 17:02

So yeah, he

Laura 17:03

evening, Channel 5. Tune in at 8 p. m.

Rachel 17:07

yeah, more like 11 p. m. BAM BAM BAM He

Laura 17:12

Wow.

Rachel 17:13

Made an evening of it. He had the drinks. He had the arm, you know the entree and for an appetizer He had a little bit of sodomy with the table leg.

Laura 17:22

Ah, jeez Louise. Burn marks. Where did the burn marks come

Rachel 17:27

that cuz he was leaning against the vacuum I think it was running so he'd been leaning on a hot vacuum

Laura 17:33

Did they say what year? What year this was?

Rachel 17:37

You know, no I didn't

Laura 17:40

get this hot, so I feel like this is earlier, you

Rachel 17:43

definitely, a lot of the publications were from like the 80s and

Laura 17:47

Okay. Okay.

Rachel 17:49

So yeah, this is probably pretty old,

Laura 17:51

A wooden table leg. Can't you find a cucumber? A little bit more forgiving.

Rachel 17:58

Yeah, I mean that was a detail, and the glass of urine, just.

Laura 18:03

Yeah, I don't know what's going on there. I'm just gonna ignore that

Rachel 18:05

what a way to be found.

Laura 18:08

Ah, what does Obit say?

Rachel 18:12

None of that. Probably. He died at home, surrounded by loved ones and his favorite activities.

Laura 18:25

Sorry, that really got me. Surrounded by family members and

Rachel 18:32

There you go. But again, this kind of harkens back to what you were saying, the cart and the horse, because were these deaths caused by masturbation or were they caused by an underlying health issue that manifested during masturbation? If it wasn't in the throes of solo passion, it could have been a long flight of stairs or a momentary scare that sent them over the edge.

Laura 18:56

Scared to death. God,

Rachel 19:09

the summarized version, baby. This is the TikTok of auto erotic deaths. But at the heart of it, should you be worried about being caught dead with your pants down? Like, okay, let's look at the numbers, right? There's people whacking it all day, every day. Every time some undies get creamed, an angel gets their wings. And when somebody dies in that way, it's apparently exciting enough to make Yahoo News, R. I. P. Nicola. So, it's rare enough. So odds are, you're not going to be one of the ones to die during the deed.

Laura 19:45

I hope not.

Rachel 19:46

It makes you second guess. This whole week, I've been like, oh, maybe I shouldn't do that anymore. Cause can you imagine being caught? And it's just like, the most Like, vulnerable moment of your life. Worse than pooping.

Laura 20:02

Totally, maybe it's just this moment of like, you know, maybe I'm not feeling so good tonight. I'm feeling, you know, a little bit of pressure in the chest. I get some heartburn. I'm not feeling at my best. Maybe I should just leave this for later because if, if that is the moment that your life is going to bite it, I would rather it be me alone in my bed than me with a fricking vibrator. Now, you know what I mean?

Rachel 20:27

Yeah,

Laura 20:28

let's just. Let's just err on the side of caution. I'm not feeling great tonight. Let's let it pass. Let it

Rachel 20:35

Before you decide to do something like that.

Laura 20:37

Yeah, that you'll regret forever.

Rachel 20:40

Yep, your spirit will be wanderin around your house. Pants around your ankles. Just why universe? So that's that's some pretty good advice around there But what we really want to look at when it comes to dying during masturbation is what I talked about I threw out earlier, a term I threw out earlier, which is autoerotic death this is death that is caused due to a failure of a device or an Yeah,

Laura 21:16

autoerotic asphyxiation is immediately what comes to mind because I feel like There has been at least several celebrities who've died this way. I can think of one definitively, but I, yeah, so that's what comes to mind, men who are choking themselves while they choke the chicken.

Rachel 21:34

and it's not just men. Women partake in this one as well, or people who accidentally, Who accidentally asphyxiate themselves while partaking in self bondage or something like that and I will just preface this by saying I did not include that topic because I don't want anybody to be encouraged or

Laura 21:52

Yeah,

Rachel 21:52

in it and start researching it.

Laura 21:54

details. I don't need the deets. I don't understand it, and I don't want to. I don't want to play in this world.

Rachel 22:01

Yeah, I will just say, if you are considering it, don't, because I read way too many stuff about it. It's, it's dangerous. Like, I'll just say that. Um, and it is definitely the biggest leading cause of autoerotic deaths, but it's not all of them. It doesn't account for all of them. And these kinds of deaths are more prevalent than you might expect, with some articles I found citing that over a hundred Germans die each year.

Laura 22:28

Of course they do. Fucking Germans.

Rachel 22:31

Of course, they're, they're doing all kinds of weird shit. God bless those Germans. Um, but it, it could be as many as thousands of Americans, right? Yeah, because people aren't always keen to have that written down on the death cert. So, back in the day, people would cover up suicides to make sure that people looked more honorable in death. And, and these cases People will say, oh, it was suicide, so that they don't have auto erotic death like added to it.

Laura 23:01

Yes, and that is interesting in and of itself, like, which is more shameful, that you chose to opt out of your life on purpose, or you erroneously died, or accidentally died while masturbating? I don't, I don't know, there's some sort of sociology going on there, of like, which is the most shameful? I'm

Rachel 23:25

I'm sure when they made up that suicide rule, they had no idea what was in store, you know, like the, with the shame around Suicide they were like, oh, yeah, by the way, people are gonna eventually accidentally kill themselves while jacking off and they'll be like, oh Well, we hadn't even considered that. That is more embarrassing. But okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. We're getting, we're getting off track.

Laura 23:45

okay.

Rachel 23:45

R. I. P. folks. So, okay, so what are some of the ways that you might kill yourself during masturbation? Well, I'm gonna tell ya. So, what do you think of, right? Cause people are pursuing these more intense sexual experiences. What do you think of when you hear intense paired with sexual?

Laura 24:06

uh, A good orgasm? I don't

Rachel 24:09

but like, what makes sex more intense?

Laura 24:13

But, I mean, I'm a woman, so like, Psychological

Rachel 24:19

Yes, people are dying from

Laura 24:20

Y yeah! Exactly! I'm like, trying to think! I'm, like, bigger penises? That's what I'm thinking!

Rachel 24:26

it's, it's literally written in the notes. No, no, think America! Bigger and more vigorous. Bigger and harder. That is what people are doing.

Laura 24:39

This is what it's all about. Because it's not about a vagina. A vagina is meant.

Rachel 24:45

you're

Laura 24:45

me? Oh, I can't wait!

Rachel 24:49

But you are spot on with the first one because you know what happens when you mix big and vigorous? You will break your fucking insides, people. Is, uh, a case of poor Nigel Willis, who at 50, died from a vibrator being trapped in his anus. Now, this is not an unusual occurrence. Ask any ER doctor, they will tell you about all the things they pulled out of people's asses.

Laura 25:17

I've seen it on TikTok.

Rachel 25:18

Exactly. But, Nigel's fatal flaw was shame.

Laura 25:23

They wait. They wait.

Rachel 25:26

he was too embarrassed to go to hospital. Uh, because he was also British, by the way. Another one!

Laura 25:34

Poor Nicola and Nigel. To os ospital. Depending

Rachel 25:39

whole spiel! So, he spent five days languishing on his mother's couch, because he lived with his mother. Another theme we're gonna see throughout the episode. Um, he felt dizzy, weak, and unable to move before he was finally encouraged by a friend to get help. And surprise, surprise! Nigel was septic. The vibrator had perforated his bowels and that good juicy poo bacteria was leaking into his body.

Laura 26:08

That is super fucking sad. And like, I get it. There's Sex is shameful in general. It's like regular sex is shameful in

Rachel 26:17

But it's not worth your life!

Laura 26:20

It's not worth your life. Just like, go to the doctors. Like you said, the ER doctors have seen it a thousand fucking times. Just go. Did it say what he used?

Rachel 26:34

It was a vibrator. It was, it was, uh, like meant for sexual enjoyment. So I just,

Laura 26:39

What did he do with it I mean, maybe an odd angle?

Rachel 26:44

and it moved up. So,

Laura 26:46

I guess it wasn't an anal vibrator, because anal vibrators, specifically, or any anal toy,

Rachel 26:52

shaped so that it doesn't.

Laura 26:55

your anus is a vacuum. It's gotta have a wide base, so the whole thing can't go up there. So he probably used just like a regular sex toy, which wasn't meant for anal play, and it got sucked in there, and then Yeah, I mean, but what why okay so many questions about like how it perforated He was just I guess just going to town a little bit too hard Cuz

Rachel 27:18

I think it just was that deep in there. It was like, yeah, working in and you know, Homegirl did not spring for the, the subscription. So I'm just working from the abstracts here.

Laura 27:29

uh, woof. Woof.

Rachel 27:31

Yeah. If anybody wants to support us or sponsor us so that I could actually get access to these medical journals,

Laura 27:38

Cause,

Rachel 27:39

that would be great.

Laura 27:40

they're really fucking expensive, guys. If you go into these, articles, and try to subscribe, they're like, 150 to read this article, please.

Rachel 27:49

Yeah, we just need, we just need to get on LexisNexis or some kind of like college email just to get back in there. Yeah, let's do it. We're going to sign up for the community college just so we can read about anal perforcations. Anyways, we laugh, we laugh, but poor Nigel, he eventually succumbed to the infection over a month after being admitted to the hospital.

Laura 28:11

Aw. Poor Nigel.

Rachel 28:13

So here's where we learn about a woman. So another case includes a 40 year old woman who decided to use a vegetable to, uh, aid her sexual delight. And, uh, hang tight. So she was no newbie to vaginal care though. So when she took her tool of choice, A carrot? She knew she didn't want that germy, bacteria, dirt covered outside all up in her couch. So she did the rational thing. And she peeled it.

Laura 28:47

Acid.

Rachel 28:49

Oh, okay, okay, Laura's taking blind guesses. I don't know what happened. Is there a lot of acid in carrots? I don't know. I'm not a cook. I'm not a scientist.

Laura 28:59

mean,

Rachel 28:59

A cooking

Laura 29:00

vegetable has acidic.

Rachel 29:02

Yes. Okay, but what else happens when you peel a carrot on its small end?

Laura 29:08

Oh, it gets pointy.

Rachel 29:10

gets pointy, to the point where the carrot acted as a syringe, and in her thrusting, it displaced a significant amount of air, and the point broke the, the wall of her vagina. So where did that end up? Where did that air go? It went into her bloodstream, resulting in a fatal air embolism, a. k. a. a little air bubble forced through the tip of the carrot. It went into her bloodstream and went all the way to her heart. What's up doc?

Laura 29:48

You should see my face right now because

Rachel 29:49

Yeah, that's, we gotta do a video recording of these episodes except for the fact that we look like we just emerged from the mines of Moria, but it's fine.

Laura 29:59

It's she did the masturbatory equivalent of injecting an air bubble into her IV.

Rachel 30:07

Yeah, unintentionally.

Laura 30:09

From a fucking carrot in your vagina. I have birthed two whole human beings out of my vagina and neither of them have perforated a vaginal wall. What was this carrot made of? How hard was she going at it? This is insane to me. Where do they get these carrots? Is this another UK woman? Or we don't know.

Rachel 30:35

I don't know. That was not listed in the abstract.

Laura 30:38

What do they, what do they make carrots of in this planet? That is bonkers to me.

Rachel 30:45

takes an angle, right? You know, and it's pointy and it's

Laura 30:50

that deep. Oh, that's crazy.

Rachel 30:53

in a medical journal.

Laura 30:55

Oh, I believe it. I believe it. You read it. It's in a medical journal. It's cited. I believe it. I am flabbergasted.

Rachel 31:03

That one is wild. That's probably one of the more wild ones in here. just for the fact that it happened. The rest of them are pretty wild in their own sense. Heh heh. But like the mechanism of death is, this is the most wild, but a theme I'm seeing here on top of the Brits is that you could not trust vegetables, man. They are out to get you and do not invite them. Whatever you do, do not invite them into your bedroom activities because they are after us and they are striking when we're most vulnerable. And another veggie strike comes in the form of a zucchini. To his neighbors, this twenty something man looked completely normal. He lived in a house with his wife. He enjoyed gardening in his backyard, including growing zucchinis.

Laura 31:51

Aw, it was homegrown, how sweet.

Rachel 31:53

organic.

Laura 31:54

Crunchy.

Rachel 31:57

Then one day, a neighbor heard pounding at their door. And there was this twenty something man, pants down, semi erect penis with a rubber band around its base, desperately seeking help from the zucchini lodged in his throat. Unfortunately, the man was not saved. Because the zucchini That he was deep throating to amp up his arousal, had completely blocked his larynx, and What's that word? Orphan? Orpharynx?

Laura 32:28

I have no idea what that word

Rachel 32:30

blocked all the breathing bits. And, and this one was also

Laura 32:34

to look that up.

Rachel 32:35

mentioned in Mary Rocher's book, that I found, again, cited in many different places. they don't know if he was intentionally trying to Cut off his breathing or if he really just enjoyed the sensation of sucking cock. So, um, I tend to believe the second one because there's so many more simple ways to do breath play. No, don't do it though, folks. But I mean, like, he had to have just liked the feeling of choking on cock. Trachea

Laura 33:03

I'm, I'm seriously flabbergasted. Okay, okay, okay. So that is like the whole, like, back part of your throat, before you get to the esophagus. So it's just, the entire back of his throat was clogged. It's not just the esophagus. The esophagus doesn't start until your lower, not esophagus, um, Trachea. Thank you. The trachea is, doesn't start until you're lower down. So it's just the entirety of the top of his throat. Wow.

Rachel 33:39

and nobody could just pull it out. I don't know. I, I guess they

Laura 33:44

your first

Rachel 33:45

they probably didn't want to touch him, not gonna

Laura 33:47

mean, maybe they tried. I mean, vacuum, you know, situation. You breathe it. Oh,

Rachel 33:54

Who knows I just again so sad, but you know don't trust those veggies watch out

Laura 34:05

Outta getcha.

Rachel 34:06

But in a theme right because I can't help but find themes and patterns. I'm human. It's what the human brain does Another one is restricting air, which we talked about at the top

Laura 34:17

Auto erotic,

Rachel 34:18

Yes, and sometimes people get really creative with how they do this and this includes aqua erotic death. Now this isn't just elaborate breath play in this instance that I'm going to talk about. This story is about a 25 year old man who was found dead under his boat. He had gone for the ever impressive and elusive underwater wank. And the only problem is very unusual homemade scuba gear.

Laura 34:48

That's never a good sentence. Homemade scuba gear.

Rachel 34:53

so this included a hockey helmet equipped with a safety grid. Um, and he was wearing all kinds of weird garments like a two piece black snowmobile suit and ski boots. and On top of that was like a weird bondage setup, but underneath everything was like a suit, like a wet suit, right? That was like a latex suit, and he had like bound himself, and he had tied himself to his boat so he wouldn't get washed away.

Laura 35:24

Just spring for the regular scuba outfit. But this, this sounds so specific.

Rachel 35:30

very specific.

Laura 35:32

like this was part of the kink.

Rachel 35:35

Yeah, something about being underwater and,

Laura 35:39

In this particular getup.

Rachel 35:41

yeah, situation, yes. And so, he wasn't gonna just jump into the water unprepared. He did rig up his scuba system, which involved a, uh, wooden board. It was floating, and that's what he had attached his electrical cord that tied him to it. So he could be found, I guess. Um, and then,

Laura 36:04

cord? What is the electrical cord for?

Rachel 36:07

he used it as a rope.

Laura 36:08

Oh, okay.

Rachel 36:10

but he also had a long black tube that ran from his mouth to that floating container that

Laura 36:16

So he could breathe.

Rachel 36:17

yeah, which thus, thus created an air supply. Unfortunately. He was not the Rube Goldberg of diving equipment. It did not work out that way. And he did succumb to asphyxiation from re breathing, right? So that little tube was not circulating air as it should,

Laura 36:38

So he's breathing all this fucking carbon dioxide.

Rachel 36:42

Yeah. So this was not an intentional breath play situation, but just a very poorly thought out, yet a very elaborate Scenario this man wanted to experience.

Laura 36:52

feel like this is kind of a Darwin Awards kind of thing.

Rachel 36:57

Unfortunate, but

Laura 36:59

Yeah. Yeah. It, it, you had a very specific fetish and you didn't think it out. Yeah, But,

Rachel 37:14

of it was that he had the full wetsuit on underneath the winter clothes. So he was worried about, obviously, heat, I guess. Maybe that's why he had the winter clothes on. That was probably to help him sink, in all honesty. The winter clothes was to help him sink. But, they had that latex element to it. And, speaking of bodysuits, I am sure you're dying to get a little more latex into your life.

Laura 37:39

No, no, trying to ax those out with the vasectomy actually.

Rachel 37:44

Well, I know someone who literally did die to get a little bit more rubber in their life. And that is Mr. Robert Garnett, who's coworkers at a McDonald's in London! Another one!

Laura 38:01

the fu Brits, get your shit together!

Rachel 38:04

don't know if it's some kind of news reporting rule or whatever, but there seems to be a theme, a common denominator across a lot of these stories. but let's just say, Mr. Garnett, his coworkers at McDonald's became worried when he didn't show up to work. So they called in a wellness check. And boy were those coppers in for a surprise, because Robert was found dead, curled up on his own bed in a full body rubber suit. With two sealable bags on the floor containing a white powdery residue and a third bag of that on the bedside table.

Laura 38:39

Cocahina!

Rachel 38:40

Yes So the post mortem found that the rubber suit had actually caused him to overheat and that was a contributing factor To his death of course in conjecture with the drugs in his system that paired together ultimately killed him

Laura 38:56

So he didn't Suffocate in his rubber suit. He literally overheated

Rachel 39:03

not

Laura 39:03

didn't help this. Yeah I've worn some pleather pants in my life those super shiny vinyl ones. Whoo. He gets hot in there

Rachel 39:13

that is a yeast infection just waiting to happen.

Laura 39:16

I remember I used to wear them to work. I worked at a record store, so that's why I was wearing fucking pleather pants. And every time I would go to the bathroom, I was like, oh, I feel so good. I get air, air in my skin. Oh,

Rachel 39:32

yep, it's

Laura 39:34

poor fucking Robert Garnet

Rachel 39:37

yeah, now imagine being so coked up you can't get out of it. But let's face it, all these methods are just roundabout ways to add some spark. To your solo pleasure. So why not cut to the chase and bring in some real sparks?

Laura 39:57

Oh god, this can't be good.

Rachel 40:02

So that's the mindset of, many folks who end up being, uh,, victims to these autoerotic fatalities involving electricity. And I actually saw this a lot more than I expected in my research, both solo and with a partner. So again, another thing I just encourage you not to try. There's so many other things you can do in this world. Why try to shock people by doing electricity shit? Um, and it's, this is so prevalent that two stories have kind of permeated the zeitgeist, right? Where in my research, I could not find a source to back up this first one, but I saw multiple people on multiple sources. mentioned a man who died by attaching Christmas light wires, like taking the bulbs out of Christmas light wires and attaching them to his nipples and he electrocuted himself and died. Um, and that was in many places. And another one that very memorable and permeated the zeitgeist is when I was talking about this topic today with my husband. first response was, Oh, are you going to talk about the guy who used electricity? Who was fucking a pig heart that he electrified? And I was like, yeah, I had read about that, but I wasn't planning to talk about it. But now I am going to talk about it because this was a guy who was featured on. A Thousand Ways to Die, that old TV show. And so I know that they probably fact checked it, so I believe, I have to believe it's true. But this guy bought a pig heart and like, wired it up so that it was electrified while he was fucking it. And then eventually he died. He over electrified

Laura 41:38

Good! Cause if you're fucking a fucking pig heart, you're a serial killer waiting to happen. I'm glad that Darwin took you out of this situation. What a fuck, what,

Rachel 41:49

What a bunch of random things that happened that led to this. Yeah, a lot of very perverse, uh Desires. And I'm not one, I try not to be judgy when it comes to sex, but like fucking organs of dead things.

Laura 42:03

Talk about paraphilia, Jesus Christ.

Rachel 42:06

Yes. Um, so while I did not track down sources for either of those stories, I can, I'm confident that at least one of them has happened. Um, one I did find was in a medical journal that covered an autoerotic death, um, involving a 23 year old man who was found dead in a bathroom with black burns on each nipple. He had an electric. Plugged in. What if this is the story of the man who electrocuted himself with the whites? Uh,'cause what? Yeah, it could be. It's on his nipples. He was found dead in a bathroom and he had black burns on each nipple. Um, and it didn't mention what the item was, just that he had exposed the wires. And this is, again, one of many. So I don't know why I picked this one. Maybe because in my heart of hearts, I believe this is the Christmas lights. Man.

Laura 42:52

Merry fucking Christmas.

Rachel 42:55

Ho, ho, ho. But, this is extra special because normally a fatality like this would have been prevented due to ground fault circuit interrupters. Which, um, seems like you know more about than I do, because I

Laura 43:08

It's, they're, they're built into the, uh, wall sockets.

Rachel 43:12

Oh, those like little things that I have to push every once in a while to

Laura 43:16

It, it, just like the the whole system is literally led to, for you to not electrocute yourself.

Rachel 43:24

Yes, and I could understand why that would be the goal. But, for some reason that did not work here because he had wired himself into a parallel circuit to the, the source. Which, whether that was on purpose or not, I don't know. I don't know enough about electricity to make a guess, but this, because of how he had wired it, it bypassed the interrupter, and that's how he received that lethal dose of electricity.

Laura 43:48

God, people, just be happy with what God gave you. Why you gotta try to go up and up and up and up? It's good enough where it is. Jesus Christ.

Rachel 43:59

and when you meet that right special person, sparks fly anyways. No, just kidding. That's such a lie. I mean, I'm sure, I'm sure there's special people out there for everyone, but those sparks, man, they don't. They don't last, but from an outlet, they just keep coming. ha ha ha ha!

Laura 44:17

your poison. Hehehehe.

Rachel 44:20

No kidding. So, while we're at it, Electricity, electronics, mechanicalness. I have one more story for you. And even if this one, this one is funny. I mean, I shouldn't say funny. This one's wild, and it's not, it's

Laura 44:36

Let's just throw out all pretense. It's gonna be funny.

Rachel 44:39

And in our hearts of hearts, we know that this is not an autoerotic death. This is maybe more of a lover's quarrel or a crime of passion. And it involves a 42 year old Japanese man who was found deceased next to his John Deere model JD410, which, if you've listened to this show enough, you can probably guess that That backhoe is his love interest and murderer, okay, so he bought this It's so so fucking sad this backhoe that he had was his pride and joy He bought the tractor for himself as a Christmas gift and was so excited about it that he Included it in his annual Christmas newsletter that he sent out to Yeah,

Laura 45:27

not just a card, they talk about what their life,

Rachel 45:30

hit in the last year the year wrap up. Yes But apparently He and this this tractor were spending some extra time together. So his Parents. Again, he lived with his parents. Theme.

Laura 45:47

In Japan, too. This is an extra level of weirdness. I guess not like Tokyo. This is in the countryside.

Rachel 45:53

was definitely in the more rural side, and this guy, he was definitely using this tractor for more than just the odd contracting job that everybody thought he was. Because one day, his parents noticed he wasn't in bed, they went out to the shed, and they found him hanging from the scoopy. The scoopy part of the backhoe. So, what he had done is he had rigged up a system where he made a homemade level that hooked to the hooky thing. That he could control the backhoe's scoopy thing. Obviously very technical. I think it's called a shovel. I don't know. He could control how high the scoopy thing was remotely. Ideally. Um, and then he attached a safety harness to his neck, tied it to like the teeth of the scoopy part, and then it would lower it

Laura 46:37

him as he goes up and down.

Rachel 46:40

Yes. So, and this fateful night, he did. And they say it was probably brought on by complications of carbon monoxide intoxication because he was doing it, I guess, in the shed.

Laura 46:52

In a closed garage.

Rachel 46:54

So he wasn't in full faction. But, you know, some would say maybe this wasn't the worst death for this man because this was not just a random tryst like that man with the vacuum. He wasn't hittin it and quittin it. He loved this tractor. His parents didn't notice he was gone until the morning because He frequently left at night and they could hear the engine running from the shed and after he died they went through his belongings and they had found his whole, a whole binder journal of love poetry that he had written for his tractor which he had called Stone. He named his tractor Stone and he had all this poetry about how he desired for he himself and Stone to soar high together.

Laura 47:43

don't even know what to say to

Rachel 47:44

There's not a lot to say. That man needed some mental health help,

Laura 47:48

therapy.

Rachel 47:49

yes, but oh my gosh, people, listen, this is why you have to guard your hearts, because this man poured his love into what turned out to be a cold, heartless, unforgiving lover who took his life like it was nothing.

Laura 48:07

That word bums me out. Unless it's between meat and pizza.

Rachel 48:14

I love when I see random 30 Rock things pop up here and there, it's great. So obviously we kept the theme of this episode, while it was very morbid in theory, we kept it kind of light and breezy. and as I mentioned at the top, there is a real killer when it comes to autoerotic deaths. And that's what we talked about is that autoerotic asphyxiation. So like, again, Don't do it. I just, there's not, I, I, I try not to get high and mighty, but like, just don't do it. There's got to be something else that makes you feel just as good, right? Like, um, have you ever tried volunteering? That's a high we can all get behind.

Laura 48:56

Really? Okay. I mean, I guess my two cents on that would be, if you need to, to do that to achieve an orgasm, like I'm serious, like see a therapist, you know what I mean? Cause there's probably something else missing in your life. You know, if

Rachel 49:14

Or some kind of block or

Laura 49:15

Oh, a hundred percent. If you need autoerotic asphyxiation to get you to quote the next level of orgasm you probably have some inner work you need to be doing, uh, to either move beyond your need to heighten your sexual pleasure or you're, you're just, I don't know, there, there's something going on there. You, you need to talk to somebody and then that's real talk. That's not me being glib. Okay. That's serious.

Rachel 49:43

Yeah, because we all know the truest most intense orgasms come from decades and decades of monogamous relationships

Laura 49:50

it comes an orgasm is a fucking orgasm! An orgasm is a fucking

Rachel 49:55

And it's not worth your life,

Laura 49:56

Exactly! That's the point I'm trying to make. If you're trying to achieve that, it's not as great as you fucking think it is. It just it's a physical feeling and it's gone in like what? 10 seconds? 15? 30? 30 seconds if you're fucking lucky. It, it's a passing moment. You need to recenter yourself, find another goal.

Rachel 50:20

Yeah, and the, like, really, you don't want to be brought up on a podcast hosted by a couple weirdos like us. Like, my goal in life is to not have anybody podcast about me after I die. In an embarrassing way. Maybe if you talk about how great I am. No, just kidding.

Laura 50:37

No, you know what? No press is bad press. Maybe I should, no, I was just going to make a joke. No, mm mm,

Rachel 50:43

Yep.

Laura 50:44

on. Go ahead.

Rachel 50:45

So, uh, okay. That's, you know, Our anti asphyxiation campaign, like volunteering, that is something we can all get behind. And if you want something else to get behind, we have the cause for you. And that is sharing in polite society with your friends and your lovers, if you have them because let's be real, since we all know you clicked on this episode. Just kidding, just kidding. Ha ha ha, but seriously, recommendations are the electric shacks to our nipples, so please pass the show on.

Laura 51:21

And always remember to rate, review us on your podcasting platform of choice. And Spotify has this cool thing where you can like answer questions and poll and talk to us and rate us. And so if you're listening on Spotify, do that. If you're listening on Apple podcasts, click that five stars, get us a quick little, Hey, you guys are great. There's like a character minimum. Just type in some bullshit and hit submit.

Rachel 51:45

Yeah, that's how, uh, we can connect with our other weirdos who want to hear about this kind of stuff, who don't have cool friends like you to enlighten them. I we all feel bad for them, but we just hope they find us eventually. always remember, never forget, never, ever forget, outside of keeping all vegetables away from your genitals, to stay curious and keep marching to the beat of your own drum.

Laura 52:16

I still don't have the

Rachel 52:17

bum, bum bum, bum bum.

Laura 52:20

And that is the thumping of vegetables that are coming for our genitalia. RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!