The Divorced Dadvocate: Divorce Support For Dads
Dads face unique issues during and after divorce. We identify and address the issues relevant to divorced/divorcing dads and create an action plan to survive and thrive!
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The Divorced Dadvocate: Divorce Support For Dads
262 - Practical Advice: Control Divorce Chaos With Block Scheduling
Feeling overwhelmed by the competing demands of post-divorce life? You're not alone. In this practical episode, I reveal the game-changing system that transformed my ability to juggle single parenting, career responsibilities, and personal well-being after my divorce.
A Practical Example Schedule:
- 6:00 - 6:30 AM: Morning meditation and journaling (Mental Health)
- 6:30 - 7:15 AM: Exercise (Physical Health)
- 7:15 - 8:00 AM: Family breakfast and morning prep (Family Time)
- 8:00 - 12:00 PM: Work or career-related tasks
- 12:00 - 12:30 PM: Lunch and nutrition planning (Physical Health)
- 12:30 - 1:00 PM: Financial management tasks (bills, budgeting)
- 1:00 - 5:00 PM: Work or professional responsibilities
- 5:00 - 6:00 PM: Children's activities or coordinating pick-ups/drop-offs
- 6:00 - 7:00 PM: Dinner and family connection time
- 7:00 - 7:30 PM: Household chores and cleaning
- 7:30 - 8:00 PM: Personal hobby or leisure activity
- 8:00 - 8:30 PM: Spiritual reflection or reading
- 9:00 - 9:30 PM: Evening wind-down, mindfulness or stretching (Mental Health)
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Music credit: Akira the Don
Hello and welcome to the show. Thank you so much for being here this week. Today's episode. We have another installment of practical advice. We haven't done one in a while and we had something come up on our group meeting this weekend that I think is important for us to talk about how to manage our schedule. So we're going to talk about some block scheduling. But before we get into that, let me welcome some of the new members to the Divorced Advocate community Samson, brad, chirag, ian, don and Chuck. Welcome to the community.
Speaker 1:If you are not part of the community yet, check it out at thedivorcedadvocatecom. We've got all kinds of resources there. Also, I wanted to note we've just completed a brand refresh, so if you do check out the website again, you're going to see that we've done some updates there. A little bit of a note as well that in doing some updating with some of the resources as well as the website, I found that some links and some other things have been broken. I want to sincerely apologize about that, but everything should be working again. But if there was a resource that you were trying to access or there was something that you were trying to do on the site that you weren't able to do, please let me know and you can email me at any time at judeatthedivorcedadvocatecom and I will get back to you on that or if there's just something that's not working that you find, because sometimes I just these things fall through the cracks and I apologize for that if that was an experience that you've had. But everything should be up and running and going smoothly again Now. We're working on also some other upgrades to be coming to the website as well. We got a lot of great stuff in the works now, so just be prepared and be ready for those things.
Speaker 1:Last note is that there was a feature that was offered through the podcast platform calling Text the Show. It seems like that would be something that you would be able to text and text back and communicate. So I've gotten several messages from you all through the text the show, the text the show feature on the platform, but unfortunately the platform does not allow me to text you back and it does not allow me to communicate directly back with you at all. Since most of this stuff were personal, specific or specifically personal information, I didn't feel comfortable sharing stuff back on the show. So apparently that's the mindset behind this is that it's you text the show and then we read your whatever your your text or your question on the show. But I've disengaged that because it just doesn't make sense in the context of what we're using here. So I just want to let you know. If you sent me a text, I've received it. If you still want to get in contact with me and I haven't responded to that text the show, just send me an email at jude, at the divorce advocatecom, and again I sincerely apologize. And we try to implement new things, try to find ways to communicate, try to find ways for uh to to give you some more resources. We're going to have some of these glitches and I apologize for that. But on that note also, I wanted to encourage you to get on our new Signal site. We've got a new Signal site. One of our members is managing that. He's doing a tremendous job on a regular basis and on a basis that other guys can support, other guys going through the process just on a daily or minute-by-minute basis. If any of you need to be reaching out to somebody or talk to somebody or just being able to vent a little bit, so you can simply unsignal, download the Signal app and then you can search for the Divorce Dadvocate and then get engaged that way. So check it out All right.
Speaker 1:As you know, navigating the challenges of divorce as a dad often means juggling multiple priorities simultaneously, and we're faced with the complex task of co-parenting, which involves not just emotional support for your children, but also a meticulous coordination of their school activities, their extracurricular activities, their medical appointments, their social engagements, etc. Their social engagements, et cetera. Alongside these responsibilities, we have to manage our career obligations that demand our attention and our energy and our focus. Additionally, maintaining household duties such as cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, home repairs and upkeep can become overwhelming without proper structure. In the midst of these competing demands, your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual health, which we always talk about, can easily become neglected, leading to stress, leading to burnout, leading to a diminished quality of life. However, there's a practical and highly effective solution to help you regain control, manage responsibilities more effectively and efficiently and foster a balanced lifestyle, and this is called block scheduling. Block scheduling involves dividing your day into clear, intentional segments or blocks, each dedicated to specific activities or responsibilities. For divorced or divorcing dads, this structured approach offers clarity, reduces stress, ensures essential self-care and enhances your ability to manage daily tasks effectively.
Speaker 1:So the impetus behind this was on our group call we had one of the guys who's got almost 100% custody of his kiddos and he was lamenting the fact that it's very challenging to basically get everything done in a day which I can relate to. There was a time where I parented 100% for two and a half years my daughters, and when I was going through that time I actually hired a business coach to help me with some of this and what he did is he had me for an entire week document every 15 minutes of what I was doing in my day and then for that week we tallied everything that I was doing in a day and that meant like if I was just daydreaming for 15 minutes or scrolling for 15 minutes or not doing anything, I was documenting that and you would be amazed at the amount of time. That is not productive time and if you are experiencing and dealing with the challenge of being a divorced dad which you are probably if you're listening but if you have kids 100% of the time, that makes it, it exacerbates it even more and makes it even a little bit more challenging. You don't have any of that time off. So what we're going to talk about is block scheduling.
Speaker 1:So what is block scheduling? And so then, what this business coach taught me was how to do this block scheduling, and I can definitively tell you it absolutely has changed my life and how productive I can be and how much it takes the stress Most importantly, takes the stress off of me not feeling like I'm going to be able to, or be able to, get everything done that I need to get done. So listen carefully, it's not going to be completely comprehensive. If you want, I know that there's courses online. You can Google block scheduling, check it out online. Give me a call. We can go through it more in detail and how to do it in your schedule. But something that I teach all the guys now when we do private coaching we talked about on our group call on how to do that, but it is absolutely amazing. So what is it specifically?
Speaker 1:Block scheduling involves organizing your day into clear, intentional segments or blocks, each block explicitly dedicated to particular activities or responsibilities. So, instead of tackling tasks haphazardly or reacting impulsively to whatever arises, block scheduling encourages deliberate planning and proactive decision making. Time blocks we can ensure dedicated attention for essential duties such as co-parenting responsibilities, children's school events, extracurricular activities. Also our professional obligations, our household tasks like cooking, cleaning, repairs, bill management, as well as, and probably most importantly, our personal wellness activities, including exercise, rest, emotional reflection and spiritual practices. The structured method minimizes distractions, promotes productivity, reduces stress and, importantly, ensures the critical aspects of our daily life aren't inadvertently neglected, ultimately enabling a more balanced and fulfilling lifestyle. So that's what it is in a nutshell, but why would block scheduling matter for divorce dads? I alluded to it a little bit, but let me dive in a little bit deeper.
Speaker 1:Divorce, as I stated and as you know, if you're experiencing it right now or have gone through it, is draining, and the thing that we don't talk about the most is it's logistically demanding. It's a complex blend of personal stress and practical challenges, is the best way I can describe it. You're tasked with managing your own emotional landscape, from processing feelings of grief, anger, uncertainty, to rebuilding your sense of self and moving forward. Simultaneously, you're also navigating delicate relationships with your children, ensuring they feel supported, secure and understood during this transition. Additionally, interactions with your former spouse require careful, often sensitive communication to effectively co-parent, handle conflicts and set healthy boundaries. On top of these interpersonal dynamics, you're also interacting with your broader family and social circle, addressing their concerns, expectations or advice, which can further compound emotional strain. Vice, which can further compound emotional strain. Parallel to these emotional challenges are the numerous practical responsibilities that demand our constant attention Managing our finances, budgeting, meeting child support obligations and ensuring, simply, our bills are paid promptly, all while maintaining a functional household. From cooking to nutritious meals, handling grocery shopping, coordinating household chores to addressing unexpected repairs, the logistical tasks can pile up and are numerous. Structuring your day into clear, defined blocks will allow you to methodically address each of these aspects of your complex responsibilities, restoring balance to your life.
Speaker 1:Block scheduling brings clarity to what you're doing and reduces overwhelm by setting dedicated times for each activity or task. This focused approach fosters better productivity. It absolutely, I promise you, will decrease your anxiety. It enhances your mental clarity because you know exactly what you're doing when you're doing it, and ensures you're able to fill all your roles effectively, so nothing falls through the cracks, ultimately helping you move forward with greater confidence and stability. I tell you, I promise you, it will change your life. So what does this look like as an example in real life and practically?
Speaker 1:I'm going to break out just seven and you can, and these are just again. I said this is going to be a cursory view of block scheduling, but I've broken down seven important ones and then you can break these down into even smaller, different ones and you can do it however you want in your schedule, however you want to do it in your schedule. But these are some of the seven real main ones, and one is a mental health block. And these first ones really are the ones that I talk about all the time in self-care, taking care of yourself mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. First one is your mental health block. Set aside daily blocks to focus on your mental wellness, and that could mean journaling or reflection for 15 to 30 minutes. It could be meditation or mindful practice 10 or 20 minutes. It could be counseling or therapy sessions 30 to 60 minutes a week. But make sure to get those scheduled in.
Speaker 1:The second one, or another one, is emotional and family support block. Divorce as you know, going through this can make us feel isolated and even though we're feeling isolated, our parenting demands don't stop and they remain high. So make sure to block in the quality family time with your kids, focusing on emotional connection and communication, time where you can be fully present, right Regular meetups or calls with supported friends or support groups, like our Divorced Advocate group meeting. And another important one is scheduled hobby or leisure activities. You've got to find that stuff just to decompress whether it's finding something new, like I started playing pickleball a little bit like a year, year and a half ago, or just running or walking or whatever it might be, make sure to schedule it in there.
Speaker 1:The third and this kind of dovetails into it is that physical health block. Your physical health is going to directly influence your capacity to meet your daily demands. So if you're mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually you hear me talk about it all the time, but I'm going to say it again Mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually you hear me talk about it all the time, but I'm going to say it again Mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually grounded it's like the four legs on a stool You're going to be in good balance. Your physical health is going to also directly influence that capacity to meet these daily demands. Exercise such as workouts, running, cycling, yoga. Schedule that 30 minutes a day at least. If you've got to start somewhere small, start 10 or 15 minutes, work your way up to 30. Hopefully, get up to more than that. You've got to do it every day if possible, but at least several times three, four, five times a week. Also, healthy meal prep and nutrition planning. You can do that weekly or biweekly. I do that on the weekends and buy groceries once on the weekend for the first half of the week and then once during the week for the second half of the week. Medical checkups or wellness appointments you're going to need to make sure to stay on those. Get your annual physicals done. If you've got other stuff going on, do not ignore that stuff. Get it scheduled in. You got to schedule in, it'll get done.
Speaker 1:The next one and the final one around the four legs the stools of leg is the spiritual wellness block. Don't ignore this, gentlemen. We're all spiritual beings. Spiritual wellness block. Don't ignore this, gentlemen. We're all spiritual beings, whatever that means to you. So cultivate that. Spiritual health provides emotional grounding also. So that could look like prayer, meditation or spiritual reading 15 to 30 minutes daily. It could be participation in community gatherings or services, or it could be as simple as some people connect and this is one of the things for me engaging with nature or quiet reflection outdoors. So it could be a hike. It could be simply walking in the park or by the lake or something like that. So, but do not do not neglect that spiritual wellness block as well. Do not neglect that spiritual wellness block as well.
Speaker 1:Number five is work and career block. Organize specific work-related responsibilities clearly, very clearly. And this is huge if you are somebody who is self-employed and may be working out of the home or might be working mobily. But all the rest of it is huge too if you're working for somebody, because you've got those huge blocks and I'm going to give you a real example of a fake schedule here. It's not necessarily my schedule coming up here, but you've got those blocks maybe from eight until 12, every single day, where you're focused in at your employer. You got to be there and then maybe you have a lunch from 12 to one and then one to five. So that eight to 12, one to five, that's blocked for your focus on your job or whatever hours you get. What I'm saying. So that makes it even more important to be able to schedule that other stuff around, what those blocks are. But if you're self-employed or you work remotely or remotely, schedule in what work you're supposed to do within that work. And so when I worked with this business coach, that's what he was specifically talking about being self-employed when are you working on your marketing, when are you working on your sales, when are you figuring out what you're going to be planning for the future and future offerings, et cetera. He was working within those eight to 12 and one to five blocks, but also in the rest of my life as well, and balancing, that is, when are you working out and when are you meal prepping and when are you spending time with the family and what does that look? All that stuff, so that career block, define the working hours for the tasks and projects, dedicated administrative tasks such as emails and meetings.
Speaker 1:I'll just say turn off email reminders, turn off reminders on your phone. Just do it now. Get rid of all of them. They're a distraction. They're meant to be a distraction. They're meant to pull you away from what you're doing. You're gonna be amazed when you turn all that stuff and you dedicate a 10 or 15 minute block to checking your text messages or checking your emails and responding to emails and doing that stuff. You're going to be so much more productive because you're not going to get pulled. They say something like it takes like 11 minutes to get refocused when you go from one task to another. So if you get distracted and I think it's 11 minutes, even if it's not that much, even if it's just five minutes then that's five minutes Every time you get pulled from one task to another to get refocused on that new task. Imagine if you do that 10 times a day. You get pulled away from what you're doing. That's almost an hour that you lose in an entire day. So turn those notifications off on your emails, on your phone. All that, and then that's something else that you're going to schedule in there. And then also professional development and networking. Those are some other examples of what you can organize specifically within that work or career block.
Speaker 1:Another one is financial management block. We've got bills to pay right, so clear financial planning is going to reduce stress. I would say it's been my experience and probably the experience that you're going through Most of the guys I talked to. This is the most stressful part of all of this is the uncertainty around finances. So if you can make sure to schedule time weekly or monthly for bill payments, weekly and monthly for budgeting, weekly and monthly or monthly for financial reviews whether that's just reviewing yourself or if you have a financial planner make sure to do that, dedicate blocks for managing your child support or your alimony responsibilities so you can make those payments on time, if you have those, and then regularly checking financial health, investments or saving goals. And that can be, again, doing that, weekly or monthly. Checking your portfolios If you have some some of us don't after divorce, right, and we're rebuilding them, but you can check on those and then reallocate or whatever you might need to be doing. But make sure to block that in because, again, if you know where you're at all the time and I do recognize, gentlemen, sometimes that going through this process you're going to be really living paycheck to paycheck and it's going to be difficult and stressful so some of this stuff might not make sense, especially if you're doing, but it should all make sense Because when I'm talking about financial management and maybe this is one thing we could do a whole podcast and I'm going to take a note on this is, even if you are living paycheck to paycheck, then there are things that you can be doing within this block scheduling in order to either further your career, switch careers, earn more money if you need to and I know that was something that I struggled to focus on when I had to all of a sudden be parenting 100% of the time with my daughters and my business absolutely tanked because I was all of a sudden 100% responsible for doing everything, which is one of the reasons I struggled so long, especially financially, because then the business I couldn't get my head around how to do both things and be a full-time dad and try to run a successful business.
Speaker 1:So by utilizing this and figuring out ways to be very productive in the time, you can find more ways to make money, different ways, further your career, increase your income, et cetera. Okay, last one household management block. Probably some of our least favorite ones, right. Maintaining a clean, functional home environment supports overall stability. So, while we might not like it, it's incredibly important to create that environment for our kids that's not cluttered cluttered places're financially able to. You can hire somebody that can come in and do some of this stuff for you. Home repairs or maintenance tax the same thing. If you enjoy doing that or you've got the time to do it, you can. Grocery shopping and household supply inventory.
Speaker 1:I told you a little bit earlier how I schedule once on the weekend, once during the middle of the week for grocery shopping and meal planning. So this will help you to break all that down. So let me show you, let me just verbally tell you, kind of a schedule, of an example schedule, and I will drop this into the show notes for you so that you can take a look at kind of what I'm talking about. So a practical example. And so here's what you're doing. You're literally scheduling your entire day, every single minute of the day. So you're scheduling even your breaks. If you want to take some time to do some doom scrolling, you schedule that 15 minutes, right. Or if you want to just take some time at the end of the day to watch a TV show, you're going to schedule that 30 minutes or an hour or whatever it might be. But here's an example schedule.
Speaker 1:6 to 6.30 am morning meditation and journaling. That's that mental health block. 6.30 to 7.15 am exercise whatever that might be. Maybe it's some weights, maybe it's going to the gym lifting, maybe it's going for a run, maybe it's some weights, maybe it's going to the gym lifting, maybe it's going for a run. That's your physical health block. 7.15 to 8 am Family breakfast and morning prep. That's that family time block. 8 am to 12 pm Work or career-related tasks Again, if you're working for somebody, then you can utilize this at wherever you're wherever you're working too, and it's it will absolutely change how productive you are and how how much stress is relieved, because you'll know everything's getting done.
Speaker 1:But if you're working for somebody between that eight and 12, these are worker career related tasks. If you work for yourself or remotely, break out exactly what you're doing between that eight and 12 and how you're doing it. 12 to 1230, lunch and nutrition planning. So maybe you're sitting there and you're eating a little bit of lunch, but maybe you're also writing your list for your groceries. So that's your physical health block.
Speaker 1:1230 to one o'clock so this is your lunch break, right? So if you're on a lunch break and you should take a lunch break even if you're self-employed, that might not be exactly every day, but you're going to probably have to take part of that and do something other than just sit and eat lunch. So, 1230 to one o'clock financial management tasks. So you30 to one o'clock financial management tasks. So you can be sitting and you can be doing maybe your bills on your phone or doing some budgeting, checking your investments or something like that, or just reading about investing or taking that time to read and learn something. So that's 1230 to one, one o'clock to five. Again, work or professional responsibilities, whatever that looks like in your life.
Speaker 1:5 to 6 pm children's activities or coordinating pickups and drop-offs that's that family time block. 6 to 7 pm dinner and family connection time. And when I say dinner and family connection time, so you've got the dinner already planned find what that dinner or that family connection time might be and you can do something every single day. That could be. Maybe it's a 15-minute walk around the block. My girls and I do that with the dog to this day, just to walk around the block for 15 minutes, to just get out, spend some time together. Another one is conversation around dinner. There's a game called Rose Thorn Bud. You can look it up and it's a prompt to have conversations around dinner with each other. So but schedule what that is and be prepared for what that's going to look like.
Speaker 1:7 to 7.30, household chores and cleaning. 7.30 to 8, personal hobby or leisure activity. Again, this could be that I'm going to just have some downtime, I'm going to smoke a cigar, whatever it might be that you're going to do. 8 to 8.30, spiritual reflection or reading. Again, don't ignore that spiritual part of your life and then, 9 to 9.30, evening, wind down, mindfulness or stretching, schedule that time and then schedule when you're going to go to bed also, so that could be 9.30, I'm in bed, or 10 o'clock, 10.30, whatever that's going to be, but schedule your sleep also, because you've got to have the appropriate amount of sleep, all right.
Speaker 1:So what are the benefits? How is this going to benefit you? I alluded to the first one, which is reduced stress. Why is this going to reduce your stress If you have everything clearly organized in your day? It's going to alleviate the anxiety from overlooking any responsibilities. Now, this doesn't always mean that you're actually going to be able to get everything done all the time, because things come up and we're going to talk about this in a second, about constraints and some changes but you're going to feel more comfortable knowing that you've got time block, you're going to get it done and you're not going to forget about anything. It's also going to improve your relationships.
Speaker 1:Intentional family and emotional wellness practice foster deeper connections, right? So we're so busy If we have this time blocked and we know that we're getting this stuff done. Our finances are in place, the household is looking like we want it to. It helps us to be more present with our kiddos. In the time that we're spending, we're not thinking about all the stuff we have to do, et cetera. So it's going to definitely help your relationships with your kiddos and others.
Speaker 1:Enhanced health, because you're going to be consistently exercising. You're going to be consistently exercising. You're going to have balanced nutrition. You're going to make sure that you're taking care of your regular medical care. This is all going to improve your overall well-being. The financial stability, like I talked about, because you're dedicating financial planning time. This is going to ensure long-term security and reduce stress and, if it's not yet, it's going to give you a plan towards working towards that right.
Speaker 1:The last one more comfortable living. Basically, your household maintenance is going to be done. The house is going to be clean. It's going to create a stable, comforting environment for you and your kiddos, and that's going to just especially if those of you that don't really like structure and kind of buck structure, this one is going to be a little more challenging for you to implement in your life.
Speaker 1:But hey, as we're going through this divorce process, there are a few things that we can control. Right, we can't control the outcomes, we can't control what's going on with our ex, or soon to be ex, but we can control our schedule. We control what we do with our schedule, so this is one thing that we can take control of. So, and let me just be clear, it's not about creating rigid constraints for those of you that don't like constraints, right it's about empowering yourself to take intentional control over your day. Okay, so life, especially during this divorce process and after, right Anytime, because it's dynamic and often unpredictable. Your schedule should also reflect flexibility so you can adjust your blocks as your needs and your circumstances, your responsibilities evolve, allowing yourself room for the unexpected and for other opportunities for growth. So if something happens, you can move that block, you can push your time out, you can reorganize it. That's just how it works.
Speaker 1:However, consistently prioritizing your personal wellness mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually is critical. I'll say if there's one thing, if you're going to start, just start with that. Put that into your schedule and start with I'm waking up with a morning meditation or doing some journaling. I'm scheduling that in 15 minutes in the morning. I'm scheduling my exercise in for 30 minutes and then I'm scheduling in my food and how I'm going to be eating my lunch and my dinner with myself, by myself or with the kiddos, and then I'm scheduling my time for spiritual reflections. Just do those four things and start with those four things and then start filling everything else around that, but make sure that you get those in.
Speaker 1:Equally important is safeguarding essential daily duties like parenting, career financing, home maintenance. Ensuring these priorities aren't sacrificed during times of stress or uncertainty, as a divorce or divorcing dad. Practicing intentional scheduling empowers you to be fully present. Like I said, it allows you to be fully focused, fully organized and ultimately, will lead you to greater resilience, greater strength and a healthier, more balanced life, not only for yourself, but also for your kiddos and any other loved ones that rely on you.
Speaker 1:All right, gentlemen, that is block scheduling in a nutshell. I hope that you found some value in this. I promise you, if you can work on figuring out how to do this, it is going to greatly enhance your life and you're going to be truly amazed at what you can do. I know there's a lot of overwhelm when you start in this process, but if you can utilize this, it will take away a ton of that overwhelm. Thanks so much for listening today. Please share this far and wide. Leave us a comment on whatever podcast platform you are listening in and share it on social media so that every dad can get the support that they need and deserve. Have a great week and God bless.
