31. The First Step to Connect With Your Child Before Correcting Behavior

Are you struggling when dealing with your kids’ overwhelming emotions?

Many parents find that when they try to redirect their children with lots of words, resistance only grows. That’s why I want to share a super fast, effective tool with you.

This simple approach will:

• Help your child manage their emotions
• Reduce the number of daily meltdowns

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL LEARN:

⭐How to get kids to listen—even when emotions are running high

⭐A tangible tool for parenting without yelling, so you can stay kind and firm while guiding your child through frustration and resistance

This episode of Sustainable Parenting with Flora McCormick is all about positive parenting strategies you can use right away!

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✨ Download the FREE pdf. on getting kids to listen, for strategies that take you out of the "gentle mom - monster mom" cycle, with effective positive parenting strategies.

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast. Let me tell you, friend, this place is different. We fill that gap between gentle parenting and harsh discipline that's really missing to parent with kindness and firmness at the same time and give you the exact steps to be able to parent in ways that are more realistic and effective and for that reason, finally, feel sustainable.

Welcome.

All right friends, very exciting to be continuing on with you here and thank you for showing up. I know it takes effort to make time in your day, whether you're doing this while brushing your teeth in the morning, you're fitting it in while you're grocery shopping with an earbud in, or however you're making this happen, [00:01:00] way to go.

Keep showing up just like this. Put it in your calendar if you need to, or set it into one of your daily rhythms like while grocery shopping or while driving to or from school or work. That'll be the best way to keep on this successful path to getting new... ways into joy and ease in parenting. All right, so I want to start with you at your first, most powerful strategy of connect before you correct, and that is hugs, hugs, hugs.

And don't stop the video and say, ah, I know hugs. Okay, I'm moving on. I'm gonna explain it to you in a way that you may not have thought of before. Two key ways to use hugs as a way to have more effectiveness in challenging moments. The first is what I call an emotional vitamin. If you're noticing that your child is struggling, like you have days you wake up and you're just at each other's throats or there's like a season where they [00:02:00] just seem more irritable and they're getting at each other or at siblings or they're really resisting you, then set a plan for an emotional vitamin where like you're seeking around six to eight times a day to just spontaneously give.

an airport hug, like not just a quick hug, but one where it's like maybe 10 to 15 seconds. Oh, I just love you so much. I want you to know how much I love you and go. That's also very helpful if you're starting to lay into really thick new boundaries that you're likely going to start doing in our program.

We always want to balance that with reminding them we love you. I love you. and I'm Setting New Boundaries. I Love You and I'm Setting New Boundaries is best communicated by that emotional vitamin of spontaneous hugs and connection throughout the day. The second most powerful way to be using hugs this week is I want you [00:03:00] to try out what I call the 30 Second Magic Hug.

The 30 Second Magic Hug has a few variables that make the magic work. First, You close your mouth, you press your lips together, and you do not talk when you have this hug. So this is powerful when your kids are being really resistant, like, No, I don't want to turn it off. No, I don't want to. Or they start to really blow up at you, like, No, I'm not listening to you.

Or they're melting down sad because they don't want to leave the park. Or they're whining, It's not fair. I'm not getting my way. All those instances, it's very powerful to say, I need a hug. Scoop them onto your lap and just sit there silently. If you do anything at all, you can model some slow breathing and see if they will follow along with [00:04:00] you.

Don't teach it, don't explain it. Just give a silent hug. And be present and slow down the moment that was otherwise gonna explode or really, really melt down or get terrible. You're slowing it all down, not to avoid the problem, but just to pause and connect emotionally. Because we believe that all behaviors communication, and that resistance, or that whining, or that yelling from the child is some form of them saying, I am having a problem, not I'm being a problem.

They're having a problem of some sort. Maybe they're feeling tired of being ordered around all day. Do this, do that, do this, do that. And we're like, getting, they just [00:05:00] lose it. Or maybe they're feeling really upset about what happened that day at school and they haven't had a chance or the courage yet to explain it to you.

Maybe they're feeling nervous about this environment you're about to go into. And again, they don't have the words yet to explain it. So their behavior often is not clear to us what's underneath it. But remember they're these little budding souls that are growing and developing and still lacking a lot of strategies for effective social situations or emotional situations.

So they're growing so much often they are having a problem, not being a problem. So if I see it that way, the connection really helps me go, okay, I don't know what this is really fully about for you yet, but let's just connect and try to calm you. So then we can maybe talk about this problem, solve, figure out how we can move forward.

So, Two things I'd like you to practice this week, the [00:06:00] emotional vitamin of six to eight spontaneous hugs for no reason at all, and the 30 second silent hug. Part of what we're doing here also, like I said, this can help people on both sides of the aisle. Those more prone to want to lecture and get into all this reasoning, it's going to make you stop and close your mouth.

And those that are prone to match emotionally. Say often that this hug brings them to a more calm and centered and effective place to have their emotions more eased and then they're able to parent from their wise self. Can't wait to see you next week. And as always, take this week as a new opportunity.

To parent with kindness and firmness at the same time so that parenting can finally feel sustainable. See you soon![00:07:00]