Sustainable Parenting | The kind and firm solution for resilient kids and dependable calm.
For cycle-breaking parents who still face battles at bedtime and beyond, Sustainable Parenting teaches tools that actually change behavior when gentle parenting doesn't work.
Research shows 1 in 3 parents who try gentle parenting still end the day begging kids to listen and blaming themselves when the scripts don’t stop the tantrums. So if your 6-year-old still ignores you, your toddler screams over a broken banana, and bedtime still ends in tears—it’s not you, it’s the gentle parenting advice that’s failing you.
Unlike other podcasts that only tell you to “stay calm” or “validate feelings” while your toddler is throwing dinosaurs at your head, here you’ll get strategies to set limits kids respect without crushing their spirit so they grow into kind, confident humans, and you finally feel like the calm, in-control parent you want to be.
I’m Flora McCormick—a counselor, parenting coach, and mom of two. After 20 years helping families worldwide, I’ve helped thousands of parents raise confident kids while practicing parenting without yelling or shame. Parenting will always have hard moments, but raising respectful, emotionally healthy kids doesn’t have to be a constant battle.
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Sustainable Parenting | The kind and firm solution for resilient kids and dependable calm.
135. One Gentle Shift that Gets Kids to Listen More
If you’ve been trying so hard to stay calm, validate feelings, and reason with your child — but still end up in power struggles, meltdowns, or 20-minute debates about a broken banana — this episode is your breath of fresh air.
Flora McCormick, LCPC — parenting coach, counselor, and mom of two — reveals the surprising missing piece that makes gentle parenting actually work: learning to talk less.
You’ll hear a real client story of how one mom transformed morning battles simply by saying fewer words — and gain practical Positive Parenting Strategies you can use today to help your kids listen more and argue less.
Inside this episode, you’ll discover:
• Why reasoning and explaining often backfire when kids are upset
• How silence and calm presence soothe the brain faster than words
• What “Kind and Firm Parenting” looks like in real moments of chaos
Parenting doesn’t have to be a 20-minute negotiation.
Tune in to learn how to stop power struggles, calm big feelings, and guide your child with confidence — without yelling or over-explaining.
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✨NEW✨ pdfs and short video lessons on Respect, Bedtimes, Power Struggles and More: ON ETSY!
✨ Download the FREE pdf. on getting kids to listen, for strategies that take you out of the "gentle mom - monster mom" cycle, with effective positive parenting strategies.
✨ Sign up for an upcoming LIVE ONLINE workshop with Flora, or purchase a past replay: https://sustainableparenting.com/workshop where you get 30 min. of learning and 30 min. of LIVE Q & A time, with replays sent afterwards.
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Gentle parenting is a great concept in the realm of cycle breaking. We want to go away from harsh, authoritarian, scary parenting that we may have experienced in the past, and yet sometimes we end up in this place where the seven-year-old rolls their eyes or throws a tantrum in public for the slightest little thing not being their way, and suddenly you're thinking, wait a second, I'm doing all the gentle things, but this is not the results I wanted. I do also want kids that listen and are respectful. If this is you, friend, you're not failing. It's one crucial piece that's likely missing from your gentle parenting approach that can transform into more ease and joy and the kids actually listening. So let's get it today. And I can't wait for you to see how it's likely the opposite of what you think is going to make this improvement. Hey friend, welcome back to the Sustainable Parenting Podcast, where we bridge the gap between overly gentle parenting and overly harsh discipline so that you finally have the joy and ease you've been missing. When you are parenting with kindness and firmness at the same time, ugh, parenting finally feels sustainable. You have dependable calm and resilience built in your child. I'm your host, Flora McCormick, licensed therapist, parenting coach, and mom of two. And I'm so glad you're here. So, friend, what is it that's missing? What is it that can help you to have gentle parenting be working better to calm the chaos? It's not more motivation through bribes or treats. It's not that you have to start being more harsh at your kid and yelling more. It is not that. It's not that that's missing. But here's what's likely missing. It's often missing when I'm working with gentle parents that come to me, you know, wanting to change the cycles of harshness and scariness, but also drowning in a place where the kids don't listen. And a child is slamming the door or screaming at them that the banana wasn't open just right. It sends them through the roof in a place that is like, oh, I don't want to live this way either. And my spouse is fighting with me because they're saying our kid is disrespectful. Here's what's missing less is more. And using only a few words or even zero. How do I hold boundaries if I'm holding if I'm saying zero words, Flora? That doesn't make any sense. Less is more. If I don't want to be harsh when I'm upset at a child, but I still want to hold my boundary, I can say less words and keep holding the boundary. I'm telling you, this is powerful. Just did this the other day with my daughter. It was like, honey, I know that you're upset about the fact that we need to take care of this chore. And I'm gonna give you some space because she was like, it's not fair, and I don't understand, and why can't Caleb and blah blah blah? And it wasn't helping to keep arguing my case, try to convince her. So less is more. I disengaged. One of my favorite words in parenting these days. Now, is that unloving? No, I'm gonna disengage from the fight, and as soon as things are calm, I'm gonna super engage. I'm gonna be like, I love you so much. Let me remind you how much I love you. And and and I can have a sense still of loving presence. I'm just disengaging from the fight. I'm not disengaging from the love. That can look like staying in the room when your child is upset and just holding the option of a loving hug with your arms out, but not screaming at them, calm down, why are you doing this? You need to stop. That's how you disengage while holding love. It can look like just walking yourself into the car and waiting instead of continuing to stand in the mud room screaming at them, why haven't you gotten your shoes on and why are you making this so hard? And why can't you just get out there and then I'm gonna be late and this is so stressful and you're making this hard again? Right. Can be just going out to the car and waiting. It can look like the kids are fighting in the back of the car again or getting rough with each other, and you kindly yet firmly pull the car over and say, Let me know when you're done. I'll get back in when you're calm and stepping out of the car and waiting. Why does this work? How can you get a kid to listen when you're not even talking? Because our actions always speak louder than our words. I know that's a phrase that is common, but really let it hit hard today. When they're not listening to me, it's because I'm only using my words to get them to listen. When in fact, when I can press my lips together and take action, it can speak so much more powerfully very often. It's a sense of being more able to hold your tongue and use that to have more firmness so you don't lose your kindness. People usually think in that balance of seeking kindness and firmness, like, ah, I'm blowing up on my kid. I think I need more kindness. And don't forget, these have to hold hands, they work together. You are not going to be able to get back to being more kind if you don't have more firmness. And let's teach you how to do that firmness in a way that doesn't have to be harsh, that doesn't have to be punitive. I think of a family this week that I was meeting with and they were like, the dad was just persistent, but how do I get them to listen? Okay, I hear what you said, but how do they listen? And I said, it's a lot about controlling ourselves and controlling that if they're not in a space to solve the problem or do the task we're re-asking for, we let go. Not forever, but in that moment, we go, okay, I'm gonna walk away. I'm gonna give you a sec to be super upset about your shoe not going on right, or the fact that it is your night to do the dishwasher. I'm gonna walk away. We don't need to keep battling about your resistance. I can say, I see you need a minute and give some space. Or we could offer a hug. I talked about this last week. My daughter talked about it in the interview I had with her in the episode right before this one. If you didn't get to check that out, I definitely recommend you do. The biggest thing that most people are missing here about how to have more firmness is how to control our own tongue, how to be able to pull back and say less. Less is so much more in a battle with a toddler that's irrational. I have this picture from Bruce Perry that shows the three main brain states that we end up in. We're either in our calm brain, our logical brain, where people can reason with us, or we are moving down the triangle. It's like an upside-down triangle. Picture wide at the top and narrowing to a bottom tip. I think of the width of that triangle representing the amount of words we use. When we're in our reasoning brain, the widest part of the triangle, we can use lots of words with the child. They're in their reasoning brain. We can talk through how to, you know, be more responsible with our backpack or how it's okay to have this option for dinner. If you don't like what we're cooking, but we are not going to change our mind on these other ways. We can have those discussions when their brain is calm. But when they start to get upset and when they're fully blown up, less is more. Think of that tip of the triangle that's very narrow and using only a few words or even zero. Oh, friend, this transforms your ability to stay a gentle parent who is also calm and has kids that listen. And if you're like, oh gosh, okay, I would love some more on this topic. I've been hearing a lot about gentle parenting and just verbal validation, and this actually is resonating with me. I want more of this. Check out episode 129 where we talk about the tools that stop hitting, scratching, and grabbing. And check out episode 116: Three Ways to Control Your Anger as a Parent without yelling. Because I promise you, these also are about how to have more firmness alongside your kindness that just transforms the ability to stay calm and confident in your parenting. And in my experience of 20 years working with kids and families and 11 years now raising my own kids, it really works to create kids that feel both loved and respected and are humans who are respectful to the rules and boundaries. Friend, if you'd like to dive into this more, also reach out for coaching, which can be purchased in a one-time session or a three-session package bundle that saves$100. There are also many freebies at the bottom of my episodes. So I hope that you'll find a service that fits what you're looking for, whether you need something for free and short term or you're looking for deep transformation. I want that for you.
SPEAKER_00:Listeners, if you need parenting advice, talk to my mom. Sustainable parenting with Flora McCormick.
SPEAKER_01:Friend, if you'd like to leave a review to share how sustainable parenting has been impacting your life, I would be so grateful. It helps others to know what's possible in their families too, and you can do so easily by scrolling to the bottom of all episodes, clicking on that fifth star, and leaving a comment. Also be sure you subscribe to the podcast so that you regularly get the downloads each week and don't miss a single tool and strategy to be parenting with more kindness and firmness at the same time so parenting finally feels sustainable.