Your Say:Do Ratio and How it Can Change Your Life

Do you do what you say you're going to do? That's what we're going to talk about today, the power of follow through and accountability through your say:do ratio. This little idea has a huge impact on how others experience you in work and life. And until recently, like I said, it was kind of my Achilles heel. 

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Unknown Speaker  0:06  
I'm Jes Averhart. And you're listening to the reinvention roadtrip podcast. Listen, I'm a mom who's obsessed with the power and process of reinvention. And I'm also a fourth generation entrepreneur, I worked on an Amish farm and for the world's most admired company, produced events in partnership with the NFL and NBA, and carved out a little place in the world of early stage startups, every step of the way, learning the power of reinvention. So let's take this journey together, it's time to get inspired, Dream louder, and own the keys that will unlock the next best version of you.

Unknown Speaker  0:48  
Welcome back to

Unknown Speaker  0:49  
season two, y'all. It's so fun to be back with you. I'm pretty psyched about today's topic, too. It's very near and dear to my heart and has helped change the way I move in business and and with my family. And so I'm excited to share the things that I've learned. So I'd love to just get right down to it by starting with a provocative question. Do you do what you say you're going to do? That's what we're going to talk about today, the power of follow through and accountability through your se d ratio. This little idea has a huge impact on how others experience you in work and life. And until recently, like I said, it was kind of my Achilles heel. Now before we dive deep into this idea of say do, let's recap last week, in Episode One, we talked about our comfort cliffs, and the three zones that we all move in and out of throughout our lives. Those were the safe zone, the empowerment zone, and then finally the growing edge. It's on our Cliff that we wrestle with the person that we are today. And the person we're meant to become, let me remind us of this. It's on that cliff that we wrestle with the person we are today, and the person that we are meant to become. Side note, when I think about that, and I think about the cliff, I automatically think of Lord of the Rings. And little Frodo Baggins at the end where he's trying to think about, you know, throwing the ring into the fire. And he's like in this personal Battle of internal and external will and all that kind of stuff, you know, super intense, right. And that's kind of how it can feel on our Cliff sometimes, because we want to stay back where it's comfortable. But we know something's pulling us forward into something new and greater. So I get it, right. But the idea of that cliff, is to make us better today than we were yesterday. So if you haven't had a chance to listen to our first episode, run it back, would love for you to take a listen, it really does set the tone for season two. And really where we understand what we're made of. And then moving us through those three zones, helps give us the confidence to take the leap. So with that, what brings us to today, I mentioned in episode one that I wanted to share two ideas that I said if we applied would change your life and the lives of those around you. The first was what we just talked about the comfort cliff. The second is this idea of the saydo ratio. Last November, I had the opportunity to talk with Forbes senior contributor now Nell Dedevois. She gave me a ring right around election season because she wanted to better understand this concept of a seydou ratio. And its application. Obviously, it's election season. She's wanting to understand how the se d ratio applies to leadership and accountability. And all of that made perfect sense. And as we were talking, it all came down to individual personal responsibility. It wasn't this global idea. It really started with the person. So what is it? Okay, it is simple. Again, it goes back to that question, do you do what you say you're going to do? And when you make a commitment, do you honor it? The seydou ratio serves as a guide to an honest answer. And it has been around a long time. We just haven't called it that. Right? People will say instead things like, you know, talk is cheap, or, you know, I'll believe it when I see it or man, she's all talk and no action. They're talking about the safety ratio, it's all the same thing. It all really boils down to trust. Pew Research did a great study a couple of years ago, I think it was the end of 2019 on personal trust. And it turns out no surprise here. that trust is at an all time low in the United States. But this is where the safety ratio can help. The higher the seydou ratio, the greater the trust between two people. A high ratio makes you more credible and appear more authentic. And so people around you when you have a high ratio, they see you as a, you know, a credible person and one who leads with authentic intensity, it inspires people to want to partner with you and collaborate and do business with you. A high seydou ratio is a big, big deal. On the flip side, if your say D ratio is low, you might as well wipe all of that out, you lose credibility, you get the side, I, you know, I'm talking about when somebody raises their hand and says they're going to do something and you're like, wait a minute, you never follow through with anything. And you're going to take on this project. Yeah, right. You know, we look at them like they're crazy. They think what I'm doing, I'm doing this thing, I'm leading in the team, but you're like, No, you

Unknown Speaker  5:33  
never get it done. So that is where you don't want to be you don't want to be on that side of the equation where people around you don't trust you. So on that note, how do we get into this pickle in the first place? Well, it varies, of course, but I can talk about what it looked like for me, when mine was notoriously low. Here's how a day in the life might have played out a couple of years ago. And my friends will tell you that I am not exaggerating. Sadly. If you had something you wanted to pass off, I Was Your Girl. I would say yeah, I'll be at the fundraiser. And oh, yeah, you want me to commit to raising $1,000? from my friends and family? Sure. I'll I'll do that too. Okay. Yes, I will make a introductions between you and these five LinkedIn connections that I have happy to do it. Okay, football practice. Yes, I will bring the snacks this week. And oh, you can throw me on the signup genius for two meals this month as well. That Subcommittee on diversity, you need me to serve on that? Yeah, I'm happy to do it. That's really important. Count me in. Okay, grant applications. Yes, you need me to read those applications. Happy to do that. When do you need it done. And then the girlfriends would call and be like, hey, let's grab drinks on the rooftop. And I'd be like, okay, and on and on. And on y'all. I've tried to get most of it done, but by the skin of my teeth. And some of my commitments would just frankly, run themselves into the ditch, because I just either forget entirely, or I would add them to my to do list for later. And then Damn, I would either forget again, or I just could never seem to get to it, we know that they can never make their way up to the top of the list. Some of my unmet commitments would drag on so long that it would feel like months, months later. And by that time, you're like, can I even do this? Now I'm so embarrassed and ashamed that I didn't get to it. And, frankly, you're hoping that you don't run into this person out at a restaurant or on the street, because you just hang your head because you didn't do what you said you're going to do. Alright, well, this is not my therapy session, I've moved my way through this process. But I am opening up these wounds to share with you the struggles, right, you're probably beginning to see how people with low ratios often lose track of their yeses. We can also create conspiracy theories around why we didn't get it done. And sometimes, at least for me, I would say I can't do this, because I committed to that. And I can't do that, because I committed to this. And we start to pit all of our commitments against each other. But at the end of the day, you made the commitments. So it really does come back to personal responsibility. So what's the impact on others, when we have a low safety ratio, the minute someone says that they're going to do something, and they don't do it, it sets off a negative chain reaction among the people that are counting on us to do the thing, either at work, or in our family, people who are expecting you to do your part so that they can do their part are impacted, and the burden of your over commitment starts to permeate and affect them. It's not pretty. So what do you do? Well, at the end of this, I'm going to give you lots of steps on how to kind of move through this. But here's one thing that I started consciously doing, I talked about it, I will tell you listen, I now have a high se d ratio as a core value. It is something that I really worked toward. But here's the thing, if I'm going to commit to doing this with you, I need you to know I'm not perfect. And so if I feel at any point, I'm not going to be able to make this happen against the deadline, or I'm falling a little bit short or I need help. I'm going to call you and let you know. And I'm going to call him back up. Okay. It is as simple as that. I just tell people what it is I say to them that I have every intention. This is where I'm headed. This is a core value of mine. And I adjust expectations accordingly so that I'm not impacting other people. Simple communication can reset the contract and help keep your ratio high. Ultimately, folks, this is about maintaining alignment with people's expectations and yours. Now did a great job of summarizing my use of the expression as our North Star. She says it's our North Star for accountability. And I think she's right. It's the goal right. It's the goal. We should all be shooting for Once you get anchored in an idea, like the say D ratio, you can see how easily it can influence your work and relationships for the good. So now also said this one was really good, particularly because we're in the pandemic, she said in the age of overwork. How do you maintain a reasonable say D ratio and not burnout? No, my answer was really obvious. Stop saying yes. Stop saying yes to everything. We say yes, in the moment, to get that self gratification high that comes with it. Not always. But I think oftentimes we do that. We frankly, think too highly of ourselves. It's like, if the volleyball team doesn't have my brownies this week, they're gonna lose their motivation. And I'm like, Are you serious? Come on. Now? Why are you jamming up your days with all these yeses?

Unknown Speaker  10:53  
what is really going on? Is the volleyball team going to lose? Because you don't have brownies? Is this really to support the outcome? Or defeat a little bit of your ego? I think it's okay, to be honest here. Let's be honest. Some of you are thinking, gosh, just that's kind of harsh. And to that, I would say toughen up, Buttercup, is gonna be alright. We've got to ask ourselves these hard questions so that we don't get caught in a cycle. I'm calling it like, I see it, because I can because I lived it. Okay, I live this. So I know. It's no secret. I'm a self proclaimed people pleaser. I've known that thing since middle school. And that little character trait has created a ton of stress and anxiety for me over the years to meet people's expectations. While Yes, feeding my ego. And all of this has led to burnout. There's some more bad news here. I'm just going to give us the bad news. And we're going to get to the good news. But there is some more bad news about a low seydou ratio. A low ratio can be financially and emotionally catastrophic. Think about this for a second. Would you want to do business with someone who never follows through? Or strings you along with a series of unfulfilled promises? Do you do business with people like that? The answer is probably no. Bottom line, we don't attract ourselves to people who don't follow through and stringing us along and into spaces that don't make sense. A low seydou ratio is a matter of intention, right? And it can negatively impact our relationships and opportunities, business opportunities that we may never know even had. So that's all the bad news. But I do have some good news, too. Other important carrots are incentives to maintaining a high safety ratio. Number one, you get a little margin back in your life. Don't we want some time back? I do. I'm always looking for more time. A fully aligned say do ratio restores the balance, and hands you back some of your time. Now why? Well, you're gonna find that when you're in agreement with yourself, and you're saying no, or Yes, based on a choice that you made. That was intentional and thoughtful, versus one that was emotional and impulsive. You free up space, more time, more joy. So that's the first good news. The second good news and incentive to having a high say D ratio is that you might actually restore some of the fragile relationships in your life. So I'm sure you can give a few examples of when you didn't call somebody when you said you would or you forgot to follow up in a timely fashion. That lack of follow through can create anxiety and shame. We talked about that earlier. So let's fix it. start showing up. Reset expectations when needed, but follow through, be somebody others can count on. You do that and you're taking the first steps to restoring trust. Get into a good rhythm with your friends with your family and watch the tension go down. Bottom line, y'all get a high say D ratio and you won't have to hide from people. Alright, so how about we end with these five practical ways to improve your safety ratio? Sounds like a great headline on a medium article five practical ways to improve your safety ratio starting today, right? Okay, well, but seriously, first, just make the commitment. Like really get after it. Having a high say do ratio is important. It is a core value of mine now and like I said, I am far from perfect, but it is not a throwaway idea for me. It matters and I put effort behind it. So one make the commitment to make it matter. To stop running around saying yes to everything. We have to adapt some discipline and structure to how we move through our life. Otherwise it can become like a pile on and that's when the trouble begins. So stop and run each potential commitment through a little filter the filter Take a second, the filter might take, you know, a day or two, but run it through a little filter to make sure that you're not adding unnecessary stress to your life and to the life of others. Ask yourself, what is the goal? Why would I do this thing? And is it adding and serving me and serving a goal that I have for my life? The second thing is consider other options, you're not always the option, right? Sometimes people will ask you to do a thing, because they're not realizing that there might be a better option out there or a different way to approach the request. For example, if you have to decide whether or not to pick up an extra shift shift at work,

Unknown Speaker  15:42  
you could agree to do it. You could say no, you could offer to switch

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shifts,

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right? There's three ways to look at that request. You don't always have to say yes. Is there someone better to accomplish the ask? A lot of times in my life, people will ask me to do things I'm really not qualified for, or they think I am, because they see me in different spaces. And really, it's not my specialty. It's not my expertise. And so I'm not going to say yes, but I am going to refer you. Maybe you are the right person, maybe this is your jam, like all day long, this is something you want to do. But it's not critical or the timing isn't right. And so you set appropriate boundaries and timelines around the request, so that your whole life isn't up ended. You can say, yes, but not now. Or I would love to, it looks like I'll be free after 90 days. In the next 90 days, I'm working on a contract. But I would love to take this on afterwards. phone a friend, I use phone a friend a lot. Sometimes just talking it out can help you run through a decision tree, right, a friend reminds you that you already are serving on five boards, this is a real example. And then she's likely going to suggest that you hold off, maybe you hold off until you roll off one of those other boards before saying yes to the sixth one. So while you're stuck on the flattery of being invited to serve, your friend can gently check you snapping you back into reality. Go with your gut. If you feel like one option is better than the others. Oftentimes It is sometimes you're wrong. But your gut, that's your second brain, they say, you know, go with your gut, because it's telling you something for a reason. Which leads me to number three, when talking about our five top five things, say no practice saying no. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. No really is a complete sentence and people will not melt, they may actually be surprised because they're used to you raising your hand and saying Pick me Pick me. But I promise they will not melt or never speak to you again, just see your no as a first step to establishing a healthier pattern and creating the opportunity to create a better relationship with them. Right shut down. When you commit to a thing, write it down, carry a little pen and paper and write it down or add it to your calendar on your phone so that you can actually do the thing. Part of why my ratio was so low was that I didn't write my commitments down, I was kind of winging it and trusting my memory, which you know, is not a great practice. So write it down. And the last tip is apologize. We are all human. And we're all going to drop the ball from time to time. So what that's life, right? The key here is that you have to stand up in that moment, apologize and reset. Remember, we are living in an over committed world right now. So many people get it because so many people are also living it with us. But we need to own it and have integrity around it. Alright, folks, we are firmly in season two. I feel like we're on a roll here we are getting some really good, rich tactical practices on how to move across the zones and our comfort cliff, we have this nifty little tool called the seydou ratio that helps us be more accountable to ourselves and others. Good stuff. I'm excited. I don't want you to get excited. I feel like this is the moment right? This is the moment we're all kind of like we're in a new season. We're looking for new ways to approach our life. We want to hit the reset button. We're awesome. We have the dreams, we're excited, right? But we don't want to get caught in those old traps. And so seydou ratio is going to help you kind of sidestep, jump over run around whatever old routines and habits that we are used to write is going to elevate your game take you to the next level. You're going to see the new people that you attract in your life because of it. It's going to be good. Alright, next week, we're going to talk to Shelly mcphatter who is the CEO and founder of bridge plant construction. She's a dear friend of mine and she's the 2021 inductee into the North Carolina women business owners Hall of Fame. Can't wait to you're all the next She'll share. She's a mom of three. She's grown a multi million dollar business and under six years, she's like, super dope. And so you guys are gonna love her. I can't wait to introduce her to you. Alright friends, until next time, I see you. Stay inspired.

Unknown Speaker  20:18  
Thanks, friends for riding along on today's reinvention road trip. If you like what you heard, tell a friend and leave us a review. I know seems like a little thing, but it is so important to see if we're on the right track. You can find the show notes at just a averhart.com forward slash podcast. And don't forget to join the reinvention roadtrip by signing up for our newsletter, where I share behind the scenes details and nuggets that you won't hear on the show. New episodes drop weekly, so subscribe on Apple podcast, Google podcast, Spotify, or wherever you're listening to your podcast these days. Alright friends, thanks so much. Until next time,

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