The Empowerment Couple

Confidence Medicine: Heal Your Field, Rewire Your Mind, Own the Room

• Zuri Star & Mikey Star • Season 7 • Episode 2

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Confidence isn’t something you find on a shelf; it’s something you unblock. We open with a hard truth—no pill, no candy bar, no shortcut replaces congruent action—and then build a practical path out of self-doubt. You’ll learn why real confidence feels quiet and rooted, how posture and breath change brain chemistry, and why dopamine rewards integrity more than pep talks. We map the confidence crisis cycle—doubt, over-prep or procrastination, sabotage, compare-and-contract, lost self-trust, repeat—and show you how to interrupt it with small, aligned choices that rebuild trust fast.

From there, we prescribe five “doses” of confidence medicine. Inner congruence to stop auditioning and start aligning with your values. Nervous system safety to prevent freeze when the moment counts, using box breathing, grounding touch, and frequency tools to support coherence. Embodied rehearsal so your body learns the role before the room is watching—voice activation, mirror affirmations, and power posture reps. Visibility healing to rewrite the old story that being seen equals being judged, with bold-yet-gentle exposure practices. And identity integrity—asking how the most expressed version of you walks, speaks, and leads today, then acting from that stance.

We bust common myths with rewires you can keep: I can feel fear and still show up. My quiet is powerful. I’m practicing confidence daily. I validate my own voice. Along the way, we share personal stories of breaking the loop, choosing self-trust over external validation, and partnering to protect alignment—because the right room and the right person can multiply your courage. Ready to stop waiting for permission and start living from coherence? Listen now, then tell us: Which dose are you practicing first? If this resonates, follow, share with a friend who needs a lift, and leave a review to help more people find the show.

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SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, there's there's there's no convenience store, there's no seven eleven when you walk through, you know, into there, into the store and all of a sudden you see on the on the shelves confidence. Uh oh, there's confidence, there's success, there's hot body, there's yeah, you know, supreme spirituality, you know, you just can't go there and and grab a bottle, grab a pill, grab a candy bar. Everything that you want has to come through you. You have to create it. You are the portal for anything that you want. And in order for you to have it, you have to go within and pull it without.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, and a lot of the empowerment couple apothecary of you know, free medicine is us really saying, like, okay, yes, there's shortcuts, here's the shortcuts, but all of them require you taking an action.

SPEAKER_04:

Correct.

SPEAKER_03:

None of them are like, you know, here's your prescription, and you know, you're gonna have a shit ton of side effects. Because like that's that's what we're talking about is like this is the culture that we live in, unfortunately, where you are being advertised, you know, like jock itch cream, but you know, you can't, you know, get an erection for the rest of your life. Like, you're not gonna be itchy, but no more erections. Welcome to the Empowerment Couple Podcast for the lovers, leaders, and legacy builders ready to rise. We're Zuri and Michael Starr, your favorite empowerment coaches, partners in life, love, and leveling up.

SPEAKER_00:

This show is your sanctuary for soul aligned success in a world drowning in burnout, broke mindsets, and relationship drama.

SPEAKER_03:

Each week, we'll bring you real talk, radical tools, and sacred strategies across our four transformational pillars wellness mastery, wealth expansion, sacred relationships, and embodied leadership.

SPEAKER_00:

We'll guide you to lead from your soul's desire and create meaningful impact without sacrificing your wellness. Plus, this season we're bringing on powerful guests, playing laugh out loud games, and sharing unfiltered stories that will challenge your beliefs and amplify your energy.

SPEAKER_03:

So if you're ready to regulate your nervous system, elevate your relationships, and rewire your life for magnetic love, wealth, and purpose, hit follow and join our empowered posse. It's time to rise into your most beautiful life.

SPEAKER_00:

Your most beautiful let's do it together. One, two, three. Your most beautiful life. Do I look unready? You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02:

Do you want me to do it?

SPEAKER_00:

Do I look unready? Okay. You hear the confidence in my voice? When I say, I am ready.

SPEAKER_03:

That's nice. I like that.

SPEAKER_00:

A little bit of confidence medicine. I am ready. Let us get this done.

SPEAKER_02:

Let us get us, dude.

SPEAKER_00:

Let us get this done.

SPEAKER_02:

You're like a Power Ranger or something?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh yeah. That's my alter ego. Power Puppy.

SPEAKER_02:

Power Puppy.

SPEAKER_03:

Gross.

SPEAKER_00:

It's just like regular puppy. Hey, what's up? But on power.

SPEAKER_03:

What if confidence isn't something that you build, but something you unblock?

SPEAKER_00:

Ooh, unblocking.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I'm always talking about building confidence. And also like always saying like practice builds confidence, right? That's like not my phrase, but it's something that I use in in my coaching a lot to get people to, you know, move forward. Um but there are blocks, and I'm noticing that some of these blocks need a little medicine that they little tending to.

SPEAKER_00:

Just just a little nudge here and there. And I I have I've realized that real confidence isn't loud. You know, I kind of changed my voice to kind of mess with it. It's rooted, right? So when I feel confident, when I feel grounded, I'm I'm more confident. It's when your inner voice gets louder than the world's opinions.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. Right?

SPEAKER_00:

It's just it's you you hear the voice come through.

SPEAKER_03:

It's it's it doesn't have to be power poppy.

SPEAKER_00:

No, it doesn't have to be power posse, pop power poppy. But in my in my mind, it comes through as clear and and as as profound as power poppy voice. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02:

You're gonna try to make that a thing, aren't you?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, welcome back, Empowered Posse, to another juicy and potent episode of the Empowerment Couple Podcast. Today we are prescribing something we all need at some point in our journey. Confidence medicine.

SPEAKER_00:

You got that confidence medicine? Oh, I need it. I need a little just a little touch of that confidence medicine.

SPEAKER_03:

Just a taste. Whether you're launching something new, reclaiming your voice, stepping into leadership, or simply trying to stop second-guessing yourself every time you make a decision. Uh this episode should give you some clarity. It's gonna give you that nice dose of delicious clarity, courage, and conviction you've been missing.

SPEAKER_00:

Let me let me get that clarity hit.

SPEAKER_03:

And let's just uh say why this matters. Confidence is not arrogance. It's often confused as arrogance. And it's not perfection.

SPEAKER_00:

Correct.

SPEAKER_03:

It's the felt sense that you are safe to be yourself.

SPEAKER_00:

And that is I don't know why that is so difficult to attain.

SPEAKER_03:

But because we're all hiding, you know, and there's shame and there's like, you know, cultural like expectations and family dynamics. Like it it starts very young, you know? Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and and when you feel that safety, you lead, you love, you create without apology, right? Confidence is the permission slip to live your purpose out loud.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. Like, why are you here? You get to just be you.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Do you, boo.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, and most people aren't lacking talent, they're lacking belief.

SPEAKER_00:

That is so true. That is so so true. And belief is free.

SPEAKER_03:

Belief is free, and like it's not the most talented that are the most successful. We've seen that plenty of times. It's the people who, you know, have just enough Dululu to be like, let's go and do it anyway.

SPEAKER_00:

Correct.

SPEAKER_03:

And, you know, those people, like, if they aren't like they don't might not have the talent muscle, but they have the let's fucking go muscle. You know, let's just do it anyway.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, there's there's definitely science and psychology behind this.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. And so let's talk about that. Amy Cuddy um is a Harvard researcher, and she has this great TED talk, if you haven't seen it, about this specifically. She talks about how body language shapes how we see ourselves. And she calls it power posture. Um, but it's like a superwoman stance or superman stance. And just two minutes of this power posture can increase testosterone and reduce cortisol. And so if you've worked with me in group coaching or in private sessions, you know, I'm always like, okay, get into your superwoman stance. It's part of a lot of my guided meditations. Like it's something that I've used because I've found that my clients that are, you know, public speakers that do like, you know, keynotes, like, hey, you better get into that superwoman stance. And it works. It it just instantly works. There's other tricks too, but this one specifically I love. And um definitely watch that TED talk if you have time.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, yeah, most certainly. I mean, there's there's so much brain chemistry involved in regards to confidence, right? Like, for instance, dopamine is released when you act in alignment with your values, even when it's scary, right? If you're going up against something, it's scary. If you're in alignment, that dopamine is released, right? Uh, the prefrontal cortex strengthens each time you take aligned risks, right? So alignment is everything during the um the confidence building game. It states in the Journal of Behavioral Neuroscience that confidence is less about positive self-talk and more about congruent action, right? The match between your inner truth and your outer expression.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes, because confidence isn't I'm the best, it's I'm aligned.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm aligned, exactly. Every bold move rewires your identity.

SPEAKER_03:

Ooh, right?

SPEAKER_00:

So just keep those bold moves in an alignment, and all of a sudden you're confident.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, and then your identity shifts because your reality starts aligning with that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And the key is, of course, to note when you're out of balance.

SPEAKER_03:

Right. Yeah. So let's talk about the confidence crisis cycle. And it's basically like this pattern that you have created. All of us are guilty of this. And when I start naming it, you'll kind of notice where you land in this cycle and how quick you can change this pattern is reliant on how long you've been in this pattern.

SPEAKER_04:

Correct. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So, like the more times, for example, you break a promise to yourself, the harder it is to rewire trust in your, you know, for for whatever the thing is. So let's go through it here. So it usually starts with a feeling of doubt or imposter syndrome.

SPEAKER_00:

I have felt that before.

SPEAKER_03:

And then it moves to you will either over-pre prepare, like over-preparation, you know, preparation to the end's degree, or procrastinate and do nothing.

SPEAKER_00:

I know which one I fall under.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00:

We won't get that.

SPEAKER_03:

And then then it it likely moves to self-sabotage or shrinking.

SPEAKER_00:

Both of them are uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_03:

Mm-hmm. So recap real quick. You're gonna feel doubt or imposter syndrome, you're gonna over-prepare or procrastinate, then you're gonna self-sabotage or shrink. The next you're going to compare and contract. And so usually, you know, you've decided like, oh, okay, like this is this, you know, I'm in this phase, then now I'm going to like look at all these other people who are not as talented as me and compare. Yeah, exactly. And then you're, you know, gonna contract. Then the the next step is that you're gonna lose trust in yourself.

SPEAKER_04:

Naturally, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Right. Because you've now now you're so deep into that pattern and that cycle, you know, of basically not really doing anything. So you're kind of circling the drain, is what I like to to reference it. And then you're gonna repeat.

SPEAKER_00:

Yikes.

SPEAKER_03:

And so you have to realize that confidence will erode when we abandon ourselves in moments of truth.

SPEAKER_00:

I agree.

SPEAKER_03:

And in moments of desire. So you have if you really want something and you're like, okay, here's my goal, and then you go through the confidence crisis cycle where ultimately you're betraying yourself at the end. You're gonna be in this cycle repeatedly, and it's just a groove in, you know, or wiring in our mind, or just like a groove that you've you've built from, you know, sitting in your chair for too long. It's like it's it can be undone.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's amazing how powerful our minds are that we can actually create our own problems and have them manifest in the world as bona fide problems.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, and we do this because it keeps us feeling safe and in our comfort zone.

SPEAKER_00:

And even if our comfort zone is really comfortable comfortable, right? Even if our comfort zone is complaining. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Exactly. And so let's talk next about the five doses of confidence medicine. So we can start rewiring this and unblocking this and freeing you up.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm gonna be your happiness pusher right here. Here we go. Dose number one, inner congruence, right? Your confidence rises when your actions match your values. So stop additioning and start aligning, right? You're not trying to make something happen. You're in alignment with that happening.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I love that inner good inner congruence.

SPEAKER_00:

So here's a practice. You can you can say no when your body says no. Yes. Right? When your body feels that's a no, say no. Uh and say yes when your body lights up. If your body says yes, it is a yes.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, for me, the the all-body yes is like, I say yes. But there is times where I am asked to do something or offered something, and I'm like, uh, I don't know. And that's usually a no. Like if you don't know, it's usually a no.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's it's three categories. It's hell no, no, and hell yes. Right?

SPEAKER_03:

Totally, totally. And the hell yes feels like all over your body. You're just like, yes, like it's so palpable.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, your highest self isn't waiting for you to be fearless, just honest.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_00:

Be honest with yourself, see where you are, and just go for it.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, just truthful to yourself, in your that inner congruence.

SPEAKER_00:

You can do something with fear, right? Just be honest with yourself, exactly.

SPEAKER_03:

You you likely will do it with fear. Like the fear doesn't go away.

SPEAKER_00:

If if you're trying to get out of your comfort zone, you're gonna be swimming in fear.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, and I I feel like knowing that allows you to kind of embrace the fear part because the big things are gonna feel scary.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And that's how you know you're going in the right direction because it's like, ooh, I'm fucking alive.

SPEAKER_00:

It's like, oh yeah, this is this fear thing, ain't bad. I'm in the game, you know?

SPEAKER_03:

Like, all right, so let's talk about the next dose of confidence medicine. Number two is nervous system safety.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes.

SPEAKER_03:

So if you've ever frozen in a moment when you wanted to shine, it wasn't really a mindset issue, most likely. It was a regulation issue. Yeah. Confidence isn't hype, it's a regulated nervous system. And one tool that I want to just pause and talk about because we personally use it to support this, is the Healy. It's a frequency device, little built, little like wearable device that scans your bioenergetic field and delivers microcurrent frequencies designed to help balance stress, boost vitality, and enhance emotional regulation. All of which are foundational to authentic confidence.

SPEAKER_04:

Correct.

SPEAKER_03:

Because you need balance. And a lot of times we aren't practicing balance. And a lot of times there isn't, I would say, in Western society, it's not popular to have like a device that helps you find balance, you know. Like they're not promoting in the commercial breaks singing bowls or you know, frequency devices or like water charging, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00:

It just so happens though that the people who are really balanced and really happy and really successful or have incorporated one or more of those techniques.

SPEAKER_03:

Totally.

SPEAKER_00:

And regarding the Healy, you know, I've been using it for long enough to know that it's it's like a mirror for your energy, right? The more you understand your own frequency, the more clarity you gain about your moods, your own blockages, and your strengths, right? Because confidence starts with knowing yourself on every level, including energetically.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. And so if you're listening to this during the month of October, it's a great time to take advantage of their sale. They have like a 65% off bundled sale of the Healy Pro, which is a microcurrent frequency device. Um, it also scans your bioenergetic field. And then there's the Mag Healy Pro, which uses magnetic therapies, um, and the coil, which is more scalar, but like you have access to get 65% off using the link in our show notes. Um and it there's a frequency of confidence, you know. So like it'd be silly for us not to share that there are shortcuts, you know, there's ways that people are accessing this frequency with tools like the Healy.

SPEAKER_00:

And I'd go so far as to say that, you know, the whole 65% off of the Healy is one thing, but in in owning the Healy, I would say it's more than 65% off of a hospital visit.

SPEAKER_03:

Just one hospital visit. Like all well, I would just even say like acupuncture. Like there's so many times that I'm like using the mag Healy for like my acupuncture, you know, finding which where I need, you know, where I have blockages and my meridians and like where I'm holding, you know, angst about a certain thing. So it's really fascinating. Um, and let's just talk about frequency because confidence has a frequency. You know, there's people like, have you ever met that person who you know who walks into a room and lights it up? Yeah, me. That's energetic congruence. I would say so, yes. It's resonance, it's that's coherence. When your body, thoughts, and emotions are in harmony, you broadcast confidence effortlessly with your energetic frequency. You know what I would it's like your signature, right?

SPEAKER_00:

I would go so far as to say that my my my frequency when you and I met, the day that you and I met, they were they were congruent. Our frequencies matched. That is why you and I hit it off in the very beginning.

SPEAKER_03:

You turn it, you turn it, he's giving me like geyser beam eyes.

SPEAKER_00:

The gazer beam eyes and and and now that congruence in my body was made, you know, natural by just straight up love, right? I saw you. There was a it it it it set up all these these triggers in my body. However, that's not always accessible, right? You can't always have you know that level of can't always make the love of your life. Yeah, like you can't have that that cute meat over and over and over again, right?

SPEAKER_02:

Meat cute, not cute meat, but that's why we use heels. Wait, back up meat cute, not cute meat, cute, meet, meat, cute, whatever it is. It's not cute meat, it's meat cute.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I don't want to meet cute, I want a cute meat, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02:

No, regardless, we're talking about the point I'm trying to make romantic comedy.

SPEAKER_00:

The point I'm trying to make is that you don't always have the ability to have that level of of inspiration. Sometimes sometimes you have to create it on your own, and that is why we use tools like the Healy, because it helps us become aware of what's out of sync. Yep, it's not woo, it is physics. Yes, right. Your cells communicate through vibration, right? You and I, our cells were communicating through that vibration.

SPEAKER_04:

Yep.

SPEAKER_00:

And confidence is what happens when your vibration says, I belong here.

SPEAKER_03:

Or I belong to you. So when we you and I were sitting at that table, which is the song that I was playing when I met you.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, really? Was it?

SPEAKER_03:

Remember? You know this. Yeah, I belong to you.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, yeah, yeah. Little Linux Rabbit's. Yeah. I'm telling you, it it all worked out in my favor.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, I know that. You're welcome.

SPEAKER_00:

So let's talk about a practice for this dose, right? When it comes to nervous system safety, before speaking, launching, or leading, try box breathing or ground or a grounding touch ritual. Those are free. You don't actually have to have a um a Healy frequency. Yeah, however, it creates your own frequency within your body.

SPEAKER_03:

Right. And confidence is a side effect of alignment.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_03:

I like to have a side effect of confidence for for medicine, right? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. You don't want the other one.

SPEAKER_03:

No, I don't want any other side effects.

SPEAKER_00:

Let me take this pill and be meek. No, thank you.

SPEAKER_03:

Let me numb everything. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00:

Speaking of pills, let's talk about dose number three, which is embodied rehearsal.

SPEAKER_03:

Ooh, love it.

SPEAKER_00:

Confidence grows when you practice being you before the moment counts, right? Kind of going back to the superhero or superwoman stance, right? You're you were preparing yourself. Um, so the practice to continue it would be to use voice activation, mirror affirmations, or power posture exercises, like we just talked about.

SPEAKER_03:

Yep. So you could if you rehearse your power in private, it will then flow in public.

SPEAKER_00:

I love that. Yeah, that practice makes perfect.

SPEAKER_03:

So and and practice it. Like that's that's the rehearsal part of this.

SPEAKER_00:

And confidence doesn't mean you have all the answers, it means you're willing to go anyway.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. Let me figure it all along the way. I don't have to have all the answers. I don't have to be perfect. I just have to show up and stay in alignment, and I'm golden.

SPEAKER_03:

Mm-hmm. And it's good to do these mirror affirmations that you're talking about. That's a good practice also. That would be a great um confidence dose for confidence medicine, is you know, if you can practice in a mirror, you embodying whatever the thing that you want to do. Let's say you're, you know, want to be a keynote speaker. You, if you are standing in front of the mirror and rehearsing your speech that way, then you are embodying the confidence that it's it's going to require to be in front of people.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

And you can also just do straight up mirror affirmations. Like you you were talking about that as a practice. What's one mirror affirmation you like?

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I mean, any affirmation works with the mirror affirmation. I like I I'm I am in peace or I'm at peace. And I I'll say that long enough for my face to have a peaceful resonance about it, right? My my muscles will will contort or move in a manner that shows that I'm no longer stressed or tired or irritated or angry, that I'm actually at peace. And then I see that in the mirror, I feel that I'm saying that all of a sudden realizing, oh, I'm at peace.

SPEAKER_03:

And you feel it. Then it then it like, yeah, you start embodying it and then it creates resonance and congruence and all the things we're talking about. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

But you could do that. You I am I am you could do that with any I am powerful, I'm sexy, whatever you want to do. It works.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm too sexy, too sexy for my shirt, stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, oh yeah, totally. And then all of a sudden the shirt just dissolves. That's that's how powerful your mind is.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh no. Of course. So you're gonna take it to the corny corny land.

SPEAKER_01:

I think we have some more doses left.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, let's go for dose number four for confidence medicine. So this one is about visibility, and we're gonna call this visibility healing. Your inner child might still think being seen equals being judged. Depending on what you've been through, most of us have had an experience. Most, I didn't say all of us, but most of us have had an experience where something happened when we were um expressing ourselves and it got shut down in some way, ignored, rejected, you know, fill in the blank. But most of us have had that experience at some point in our life, especially in these early formative years. But let's rewire that because it's time. It's time to rewire that. Because confidence is the medicine that tells your inner child it's safe to be seen now. So, for example, if doing any one of these things terrifies you, then I invite you to challenge yourself to embody the confidence and rehearse the confidence by doing one of these things. So the practice would be go live on Instagram or Facebook or TikTok, whatever platform you like. Um, or post the real, you know, post the um whatever photo shoot, you know, rate fucking highlight carousel, like whatever. Wear the outfit that you're just like, oh, that's so audacious or bold.

SPEAKER_00:

Ask ask for that that raise.

SPEAKER_03:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

Right, take that college course.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, like be the one who goes first, too. You don't have to copy what anyone else is doing. It doesn't have to be like best practices, like you can trailblaze.

SPEAKER_00:

That gave me goosebumps.

SPEAKER_03:

You can trailblaze right now.

SPEAKER_00:

What was that you just said? That gave me goosebumps.

SPEAKER_03:

Was it be the one be the one who goes first?

SPEAKER_00:

That's my next tattoo right there. Be bold, right? Luck, luck favors the the bold.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, and I gotta tell you, um, there's a lot of content coming up in this season where we're talking about risks. And I want you to risk, you know, I want you to take the risk. I want you to to act boldly. And it's one of my biggest challenges to my private coaching clients and group coaching is like, you know, you you want to take those big risks because that's where the dra drastic, like, you know, monumental changes happen.

SPEAKER_00:

That's when your wings unfurl.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. And your your power unfurl, your power multiplies every time you stop shrinking to fit the room.

SPEAKER_00:

Well said.

SPEAKER_03:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

I love that.

SPEAKER_03:

And if you think about like, you know, swimming in, you know, a big fish versus small fish, right? So you have a big fish and you know, it's swimming in maybe a sm a small pond, right? You're not gonna build the same muscles as you would if you were a big fish swimming in a big pond, correct, right? And the opportunity for a big pond is very different than the small pond. And so whether you are in a situation where you're playing small or you're playing big, like you have the opportunity to become a bigger version of yourself depending on the people that you are around.

SPEAKER_00:

That is correct.

SPEAKER_03:

So it's all about proximity and who you are putting yourself around and always look to be at the places and with the people who you know want to be visible. If visibility is one of your things that you're like, oh, I'm afraid to be seen, I'm afraid to be found out, you know, you're wearing masks and stuff like that. Get into around the people who like, you know, are so fine being seen. Like they have the opposite expression that you do because you will see it'll free you up and you will see what's possible. But if you're constantly putting yourself in these smaller arenas, you're probably not going to change as fast.

SPEAKER_00:

I agree.

SPEAKER_03:

And the confidence can be learned much faster if you are in those bigger playing pools where people are like, you gotta fucking be big. You can't just be like, you know, extraordinary in your in your house. You gotta be extraordinary in the big scene.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, the old saying, if you want to be a better player, play with better players.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00:

That's it.

SPEAKER_03:

For sure. So next dose.

SPEAKER_00:

Next dose is identity integrity. Now, the version of you who has it, ask yourself how do they walk, how do they talk, how do they breathe, how do they lead, right? So confidence is remembering who you really are and walking that truth daily. Yes, right. So you are always every version of yourself, right? And you are currently deciding to be one version of yourself, wanting to be another version of yourself, and it's quite easy to do so, just allow yourself to be that version.

SPEAKER_04:

Yep.

SPEAKER_00:

And then that version will construct everything necessary in order for you to live out the full manifestation of those.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes, exactly. Because a lot of us are playing with an identity that should have been retired like five years ago, you know, because we aren't challenging ourselves to identify differently, you know, with an expanded version of ourselves.

SPEAKER_00:

So and a really powerful practice that I like to do is you ask yourself, what would the most expensive Expressed version of me do right now. When I say the most expressed, I'm talking about your highest timeline. And this is where the mirror affirmations really come in, or mirror meditations, is you can start asking yourself, and the person who answers it is the person you're wanting to be, right? Which is also a version of you. The version of you you are becoming, like I said, already exists. So you want to walk like her, you want to speak like her, you want to um or him or him walk like him, whatever it is. Yeah, exactly. You become that person that bec that person creates your reality for you.

SPEAKER_03:

Right, exactly. So let's play a little game, just a little myth buster here.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, I love busting the myths.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm gonna read a myth, and I'm going to invite you to create a reality with that myth, because you know, myths need to be busted. So you're gonna bust the myth and then we will offer rewire together.

SPEAKER_00:

Do I get a cool noise?

SPEAKER_03:

Um, yes. So I if you think that you wanna have a I mean, I don't know, you want a cool noise? What do you want? Well, you know, you for what?

SPEAKER_00:

For when I bust a myth. You don't want me to.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm going to give you myths, so yeah, you you just want to say that it's a myth?

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, no, I want an actual noise. And then no, that's a myth.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm not gonna give you not myths. So you're just you just want to make a noise.

SPEAKER_00:

I just want to make a noise.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay. You can make a noise, yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Thanks. Okay, let's go for it.

SPEAKER_03:

Here's a myth. Confidence means being fearless.

SPEAKER_00:

Is that a good noise? The reality is that confidence means taking actions with fear. If you can do anything with fear, you can do anything.

SPEAKER_03:

If you can do anything with fear, you can do anything.

SPEAKER_00:

Correct. If you can do anything with fear, if you can do not listen, if you can do anything with fear in your body, that means you can do anything.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Got it.

SPEAKER_03:

And the things that you want to do, likely that are big, are going to have a component of fear.

SPEAKER_00:

Correct. That is cool.

SPEAKER_03:

So let's give you a good rewire. Okay. You want me to take this one?

SPEAKER_00:

Go for it.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

Rewire me, please.

SPEAKER_03:

I can feel fear and still show up.

SPEAKER_00:

That I would say over and over and over again. In front of my mirror as a mirror affirmation. It's nice and simple. It's powerful.

SPEAKER_03:

Yep. Okay, cool. Next, next myth. You ready for this?

SPEAKER_00:

I got my noise.

SPEAKER_03:

Got your point. Okay. Confident people are always loud.

SPEAKER_00:

That is wrong. The the the that's a myth. The bust of that myth is that confidence is energy. It's not volume.

SPEAKER_02:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

It's energy.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Right. So you can get really loud and still be wrong.

SPEAKER_03:

Although I notice when I get really like um energetic like energetically excited, I get loud, but doesn't necessarily mean I'm confident about that. I just get like, you know, playful, boisterous, loud, you know. But but you're right. There when I'm really confident about something, and especially when I get like a download or like, you know, um something channels through me, I it's very quiet. It's very like grounded and rooted. It's not loud and obnoxious. It's like, you know, I do loud and obnoxious all fine on my own.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

But it's not necessarily when I'm really confident.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you usually you get louder you, the louder you get, the more uh you're trying to cover up the fact that you're not very confident.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes, yes, exactly. That's where why people are like, oh, he's you know, they'll they'll talk about somebody and they'll say something like, oh, he's so loud and arrogant. And it's like, yes, that that is likely arrogance. It's not necessarily confidence. It's you know, trying to cover up something. But let's rewire it. So rewiring it would be my quiet is powerful.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_03:

And I will just share if you are in a conversation with someone and they start getting loud with you, they're not very confident. Yes, they are are trying to assert dominance and um having calm, quiet energy is very powerful. And so just remember that.

SPEAKER_00:

I also wouldn't I wouldn't pick a fight with someone who is calm.

SPEAKER_01:

You know what I mean? Because they probably know something that I don't. Like, no, no, thanks. Let me let me listen to what this guy has to say.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, here's another myth about confidence. Ready? You're either born with it or not.

SPEAKER_00:

That is a myth. And here's my bust confidence is a skill, not a trait. You can create confidence.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Some people are naturally born with confidence, and that's great, but everyone, anyone, can create their own confidence. It doesn't matter what they look like, what they sound like, what their abilities are.

SPEAKER_03:

The real medicine is embodiment. You gotta practice it, you gotta put it into practice, you gotta walk that talk.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm gonna say something that's old school, boo yeah, right there.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, so here's the rewire. Um, I'm practicing confidence daily.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm practicing confidence daily. It is crazy how medicinal words can be, because just saying that makes me feel more confident.

SPEAKER_03:

All right, last myth. Ready?

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, give it to me.

SPEAKER_03:

You need validation to be confident.

SPEAKER_00:

You don't need no validation. You need self-trust to be confident.

SPEAKER_04:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

Confidence comes from you, not handed to you like, you know, candy and Halloween. You don't collect you don't collect trust.

SPEAKER_03:

You build it. Like digital age where people are like, you know, likes or comments or followers or the external validation.

SPEAKER_00:

There's posts.

SPEAKER_03:

You know, numbers is what they think is gonna keep them fueled to go. And and I can just tell you that like unless you are proud of yourself and unless you are excited about you, and if you're keeping promises to yourself, that's the confidence that you're going to build. You can't if you're only and always looking for external validation, you're gonna be really disappointed because in the beginning of building anything, there's not a lot of external validation. No. So you have to be clapping for yourself.

SPEAKER_00:

Correct.

SPEAKER_03:

And you have to build that confidence by trusting yourself, trusting your vision, taking one step at a time. So let's rewire it. Um validation. So how about I validate my own voice?

SPEAKER_00:

Ooh, that works. One more time.

SPEAKER_03:

I validate my own voice.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm gonna say that myself. I validate my own voice.

SPEAKER_03:

Empowered posse. Say that with us wherever you are. If you need to say it out loud, if you can't say it out loud, say it in your head. I validate my own voice. That is so beautiful, and that will build confidence, honey. Because confidence isn't the absence of fear. Like we keep saying that. It's the decision to move forward anyway.

SPEAKER_00:

Anyways, you have to do it anyway, so just do it with fear, no big deal.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, and I can tell you from a personal, you know, place that every single thing that I've ever did that resulted in any level of success, whether it was fulfillment, monetary success, um, you know, relational alignment, you know, like the type of success that all of us are wanting every single time required me to step out of my comfort zone, you know, to follow a strong desire, belief, talent, ability, and to have conviction that I was enough. So it required me to validate myself and also sometimes to just be scared that I wasn't maybe enough for the thing, but fucking do it anyway, and kind of like, oh no, I said yes to this, so I'm doing this. I already committed to this, so I'm doing it. And that allowed me to trust myself that I know when I show up, I'm going to show up. If I said yes to it, it means that I'm gonna give my all to it and I'm not gonna look back, I'm not gonna question it, I'm not gonna doubt myself. But there are times when I say yes to something and I've been like, oh fuck, I said yes to this. Like, what the hell was I thinking? Even so much that, like, you know, I'll be in the bathroom right before, let's say, a big performance or speech or whatever, you know, getting on a panel or in a group con container that, you know, is new or something, and I will be like, what the fuck? Like flipping out, you know, in the mind. And then I get quiet and I look into the mirror and I'm like, no, you fucking got this. And I, you know, make eye contact with myself and start talking to myself. And it is in those moments that I'm like, okay, I've done this enough times to know that no matter what, I can't fail. Because I'm trusting myself to show up for myself over and over again. But that required a pattern.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_03:

And that's the key here is that there's like a pattern that you know what's the worst thing that could happen is is the game that you kind of play too when you're just like throwing up in the bathroom, like, you know, crying in the bathroom or trying to keep people from knowing that you were just crying, whatever. You know, it's like, what's the worst thing that could happen? Oh, you you know, sound like shit, or like, you know, like you you can go through that scenario and you can ask yourself, what's the worst thing that could happen? And what it always comes down to for me is not showing up for myself. This is what I want. So if this is what I want, I have to fucking do it. And that commitment to not betray myself is where the confidence gets built. Is in those moments of like, you know, you're training, you're training, you're training, you're like, it's fine, it's fine, it's like it's fine. And then sometimes right before, you know, the fear really kicks in and it's feels like it's choking you, or you know, you fucking get the wobbly knees, or your lips like feel like you can't, yeah. You know, all of a sudden you're like, why are my lips feel dry and crusty? You know, or like all of a sudden you have like no spit in your mouth, you know, all the things that happen to our body because we're like doing something scary. Um, and then all of a sudden you're like, Oh, I so got this, you know? I so got this because you build trust in yourself.

SPEAKER_04:

Correct.

SPEAKER_03:

Because you validated yourself over and over again.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I'm gonna in in regards to and and I I will just say this watching you go through all of that was very inspiring. Right? It allowed me to see that not only do you have the opportunity to change, but it's your responsibility to change, right? No one is going to jump into the driver's seat and and and take over for you, right? There's you know it we always hear, you know, Jesus take the wheel, and Jesus is like, well, you're Jesus. Like keep your hands on the wheel, bro, because you're you're steering yourself uh wherever you want to go. And and you know, my story, I I'm always gonna state that um the reason why I was uh I was drinking back in the day almost every single day was because I didn't have the confidence to deal with my own issues. I didn't have the confidence to raise my own standards to be at the level that I knew I was supposed to be, right? And what I was doing, I was going for the blame game, oh, it was his fault, it was my dad's fault, it was this fault. It's that cycle. That cycle, exactly. And that and it and it and it kept me in a lower vibrational uh state where I just didn't trust myself to get anything done.

SPEAKER_03:

So was the cycle like you felt doubt, then you procrastinated, then you self-sabotaged?

SPEAKER_00:

I was I was stuck in that cycle, and and and I remember when you when you went through that cycle and that that last one, which is the repeat, that repeat, that's that's that's the um that's the motherfucker right there. Yeah. Right? Because that's the pattern. You don't even know that you're going through that over and over again.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, and then after self-sabotage, you're like comparing, you're like, oh well, fuck, you know, like it's easy for them because they blah blah blah. And you're and then and then you're like mad at yourself, you lost trust, and then you repeat.

SPEAKER_00:

Correct.

SPEAKER_03:

And you just start it just starts all over again.

SPEAKER_00:

That is correct.

SPEAKER_03:

And every time it starts all over again.

SPEAKER_00:

And that and you know, when it comes down to lifting yourself, yourself up out of a lower vibrational, you know, uh pattern, frequency, frequency, it takes confidence, it takes confidence that you will be safe on the other side, right? Even though things are going to be different, you are going to be safe on the other side. And if it's giving up drinking, if it's leaving a um a bad relationship, if it's if it's uh getting a better job, if it's leaving one job and and redefining yourself.

SPEAKER_03:

Launching your entrepreneurial journey, your your your passion, your that in your that you're in pursuit of.

SPEAKER_00:

Exactly. If if if all you need is more confidence, you're okay. Right? It's not like, oh, uh uh, you know, I want to be a um, I want to be the first, you know, uh uh female astronaut. There's no way that I'm gonna be the first female astronaut. A it already happened, I'm not a female, right? So I'm gonna go to something that's that's more realistic to me, which allows me to say confidently, you know what? If I want this, I can grab it. And what would happen when I grab it? That's gonna be scary. I'm gonna be rich, or I'm gonna be famous, or I'm gonna be happy, or I'm gonna be um healed. You're going to be different than you are now. And that's where confidence comes in. It's gonna say, as you go through these tough times, you are going to be better than you are now.

SPEAKER_03:

And um because uh the other side of it is regret.

SPEAKER_00:

Correct.

SPEAKER_03:

And like all of us have probably been in some type of situation, maybe not deep regret, but in some type of situation where you had an opportunity and you decided to couldn't, you know, have that cycle of doubt where and then you know, sabotage, blah blah blah that we just talked about, where you you're doing that cycle and then at the other side of it you have deep regret. And then you're just like, oh well, I guess I'm just not meant to do this, you know, fill in the blank. And instead, like what you've just learned is that you actually could do this thing if you just don't complete the same exact cycle. And so you know, it's like a it's really like a spiral, you know, you spiral out.

SPEAKER_00:

And and what's interesting is like everything that we've that everything that we've discussed in just this podcast, not you know, let alone all the podcasts that we've done, but just this podcast, everything that we've discussed, I had to implement, I had to go through in order for me to build the confidence that I currently have now where I can go out and get what I want without asking for it, without hoping for it, without, oh, maybe I'm I'm worthy, but choosing it and then attracting it to me. Like that is true power, that is true confidence.

SPEAKER_03:

And what we use a lot in our practice is a confidence code. Um and so we help people with calibration, you know, like let's figure out where you are and then let's give you, you know, let's make you aware of this cycle, you know, this pattern maybe you created, but then let's give you the code so that you are moving in this. And this free medicine series that we do on our podcasts is like the precursor to that of like, hey, here's some things you can try, but also there is a like, you know, foolproof code. And if you want to get in a calibration session with us, just use the link in our show notes to apply. And, you know, we will always be with you if you're second guessing your truth or downplaying your presence or feeling stuck in self-doubt.

SPEAKER_00:

Then it's time to recalibrate right then and there, right? We we offer calibr uh confidence medicine sessions to help you regulate your nervous system, reclaim your truth, and rise in leadership. I mean, it is a full package.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. So the world isn't really waiting for you to be uh the perfect version of you, it's waiting for the real one, the authentic one, the truthful one, the one that um you know you are and you're hiding for whatever reason.

SPEAKER_00:

You are you you cannot be compared.

SPEAKER_03:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

That's what happens when you when you come into your own purpose. You can't be compared.

SPEAKER_03:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

So you can no longer compare yourself to anyone else.

SPEAKER_03:

Right, right. And then then it just, you know, you get to be, you get to be fully expressed. So if you're just using somebody else's language or using somebody else's ideas, you're kind of copying copying somebody else's path, and you know, you really aren't gonna build confidence. You're gonna feel all those weird feelings of like imposter syndrome and shit like that. Because you're not really being true to your own authentic expression of like, you know, let me let me carve a path, let me be a trailblazer, let me be the first. So we hope this was helpful for you, gave you a little confidence boost. You can always go deeper with us. The invitation stands, we have our hands out to you. Um, let me give you a journal prompt so you have something you could do with this show. Where am I waiting for more confidence before I show up?

SPEAKER_00:

One more time.

SPEAKER_03:

Where am I waiting for more confidence before I show up? Well, let me add to that. What would shift if I decided I was already enough right now?

SPEAKER_00:

Ooh, nice twist.

SPEAKER_03:

So those are two to give you to journal on. And if you're not into journaling, take this to your partner. You guys could also have this discussion, ask each other and you know, build some intimacy and confidence together. Because I gotta tell you, when you have a partner that fully sees you and supports you in your vision for what you want for the next one, three, five years, you can look to at each other and be like, hey, I just had this big opportunity. And your partner, if you're in resonance, will be like, You fucking gotta do it. Like, like, let's go. Let's do everything we can to prepare for that together.

SPEAKER_00:

Or also that may not be an alignment. I can hold you, I can hold you. Right.

SPEAKER_03:

You can be like, what? That's not on your that's not on your path, that's not on your plan.

SPEAKER_00:

That's candy right there. Leave it, leave it alone.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, exactly. Like, that's candy that has a sour center, honey.

SPEAKER_00:

Exactly.

SPEAKER_03:

You're gonna get some free itchy tongue from that one, you know. Like you can protect each other too.

SPEAKER_00:

And we've all felt victim to the candy, you know, the weird relationship, the the job you're not supposed to take, you know, whatever it is. But candy is always candy from that white van.

SPEAKER_03:

Watch out.

SPEAKER_00:

Seriously.

SPEAKER_03:

So we hope this was helpful. We are sending you the highest vibrations.

SPEAKER_00:

You are held.

SPEAKER_03:

You are loved. And sometimes you think you're getting confidence medicine, and sometimes they're giving you that, you know, like white van candy.

SPEAKER_00:

You get that pez. Pez, pez ain't confidence.

SPEAKER_03:

No, you get that candy where it's like, you know, you have a little bit and then you're like, where the fuck am I? You just got kidnapped. You got kidnapped. They're different.

SPEAKER_01:

You're about ready to get ditty.

SPEAKER_03:

And and yeah, exactly.

People on this episode

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Mikey Star

Co-host
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Zuri Star

Co-host