EP 71 What’s the Real Trigger? — Early Patterns, Defensive Loops, and Choosing Again

In this episode I explore a core idea from Bioenergetics: how early developmental trauma can create deep “either/or” splits inside us — patterns that live in the body and run automatically before we have time to think.

One example: if a baby experiences rejection (or interprets it as rejection), a survival-level split can form — I can either survive… or express my needs. Not both. 

And later in life, that old fear can hijack present-day situations, triggering defenses that try to protect us — but often create the very outcome we fear.

We look at:

- why these patterns can feel like “this is just who I am”

- how defensive loops get activated faster than conscious thought

- how mindfulness and inner noticing can create that tiny space where choice becomes possible

- why learning the patterns matters — and why it can be hard to access the knowledge through classic Bioenergetics texts

I also share what I’ve been building lately: BIG Companion — a personalized, pattern-aware guide you can add to your AI to help you prepare for difficult conversations, understand what happened after things go sideways, and find calmer, clearer ways to repair and reconnect.

BIG = Bioenergetics + Imago + Giraffe Language (Nonviolent Communication)  

— translated into small steps and ready-to-use prompts, so you don’t need to know the theory.

Explore BIG Companion here:

https://basiapiechocinska.com/big-companion-clarity-and-calm-for-real-life-relationships/

If you have comments, questions, or suggestions for the podcast you can contact me on Instagram @BasiasThoughts.  

And if you’d like to support more episodes, you can sponsor me on:

https://www.patreon.com/basia

Transcript

Hi and welcome to episode number 71 of Basia's thoughts. As you might know from having listened to me before, I am trained in and kind of really interested in bioenergetics. So bioenerergetics is about our developmental traumas up to the age of about seven. 
And developmental traumas are particularly interesting because they are really set in the whole body. So you can even physically see the expression of them because we then still grow. And so we can see the energetic patterns, which muscles or muscle groups, we tend to hold a lot of tension in, for instance. 
And it's something that is set very very deeply in our psyche so our emotional patterns and our thought patterns, the ones that come up automatically for us before before we even usually get a chance to think about them, those patterns are set based on these initial developmental traum traumas. Each trauma generates a type of separation inside of us where two things that would usually coincide are unconsciously divided so that we can either have one or the other, but not both at the same time. So the first developmental trauma that that can rise this way is one that is based on rejection. 
If we experience rejection, even before we are born and right after we are born up until about six months of age, if during that time, we experience rejection, even though it might not have been meant as a rejection, but that is our interpretation. then we can create this trauma inside of us that tells us that we can either survive or we can express our needs. So we have to choose and not both survive and be safe to express our needs. So these traumas are very significant and usually affect the rest of our lives, so much so that often we even believe that this is who we actually are. 
I have these particular tendencies, and we think that we have certain preferences that are actually based on our traumas. But the question then becomes, is that really who we are? Are we? 
Our traumas? Well, no, not at all. We are much bigger and we are so much freer than that. 
This is why learning about who we actually are and learning about the patterns that are inside of us can help liberate us from these patterns, not instantly, because these are very deeply set patterns, but as we become more and more aware of them, we can start catching them. and then we can make choices, and we can decide to do things differently. Now, these traumas, they can lead to positive things in the case of this first type of trauma. It actually often leads to a person who develops their intellect, which can be a great asset and wonderful. 
But it also comes with a lot of defence mechanisms that are set off automatically. And the problem with the defence mechanisms is that they are trying to protect us from this awful feeling that we had when the trauma occurred. But that might not actually be the reality in the moment that we're living. 
In the beginning, the reality might have been that if we actually were to be abandoned and rejected around birth, well, that means death. A tiny baby has no chance of surviving on their own. It has to be taken care of. 
So that is the fear of death that comes up. But that fear of death might not actually be what is relevant in many situations that we go through later on in life. And yet that is what is activated. 
So our defence mechanisms come in and protect us. They say, oh, no, you're not going to have to experience this terrible fear of death. So before you even get to experience that, we're going to make sure you do something else so you don't have to experience that. 
And you won't have to experience rejection. And yet, the way they are set up, unfortunately, in most cases, leads, exactly to that, it leads us to the experience that we're not wanting to have. And this is how many of our loops, our internal patterns, are set up, and they are so strong that they become activated before we even get to think very often. 
And we're just off reacting to something. And again and again, we produce results that we don't want to have in relationships, in work situations, in certain types of dynamics, we may have these things just come up over and over again. And after a while we may be quite dismayed and we might think, well, this is just how I am, how I work. 
That's it. What can I do? But we can do something. 
What we can do is find ways of living more consciously. How can I choose to respond instead of automatically reacting? How can I make sure that I'm aware of what is going on inside so that as soon as I feel the impulse to do something to respond or to actually automatically react, I can choose. 
Mindfulness type of meditation can help us learn how to focus on the inside and be able to just notice what is going on. That is is quite helpful. Some forms of meditation may actually assist us in the way that they provide us with this split second insight just before something happens in your body. 
You can notice what is going on and there have the choice to make a different choice. Also, learning about things like our internal patterns is something that can be quite helpful. So, for instance, studying bioenergetics or such disciplines can help us because then we can be aware of what to look for and how things are connected inside of us. 
And then we can more easily recognise and see what is actually going on. But that can be a bit tricky when it comes to bi energetics. The books that were written by Alexandra Lowen and Wilhelm Reich might not be so accessible, they are brilliant, but they are not often structured in a way where you can quickly see the different patterns. 
Instead, often you go through a lot of different case studies. And from those case studies, you can start seeing the patterns that come up and see that, oh, this is the same pattern over and over again expressing itself. So this is one of those things that I have been thinking about lately. 
Is there a way of making this insight more readily available to people, even if they have not dedicated a life long time studying bi energetics, for instance. And so lately I've been building a structure that is a personalised structure so that you can add it to your AI and have your AI turn into this stable pattern aware guide that you can use before certain situations. For instance, when you're going to be having a special talk, and you know that every time you just bring up this subject, the same thing comes up upon over and over again and you just get nowhere. 
Well, in a situation like that, you can use this structure that I'm creating. And I've actually called it BIG B for bi energetics, I, for Imago, and G for the giraffe language or nonviolent communication. So it has all of these parts inside of it. 
So before you're going to have a particular talk or a particular encounter where you know that you usually have these same patterns dynamics come up. You can just ask, you're BIG, your BIG Companion. and let it know what it is, what the patterns usually are that come up. And BIG is custom made. 
So it already knows your bi energetic structures, your imago wounds. It knows you, and you can try to explain a little bit about the people that you're interacting with. and it will be able to help you. It will be able to show you. 
Well, actually, this is what is going on inside of you. This is why you tend to react this way or this is what might actually be going on in the other person. This is what they're actually needing. 
And here is a way of maybe trying to communicate this time so that you don't get swept into the pattern that you're usually experiencing or you can use BIG after sit situations after something has happened and you just want to have insight, what actually happened here? Why did this go wrong? Again? 
Or maybe it's the first time it goes wrong. And you can ask BIG about that. Also, you can use it whenever you just feel a certain way, maybe you're just feeling sadness. 
You don't know why there's nothing in particular that has gone bad, but you just cannot find the energy or maybe something else is going on. You're feeling something in a relationship and you don't know why. In a way, things should be good now. 
Nothing bad has happened and yet you're experiencing a lot of fear or some other emotions. Maybe you're just frustrated, but there's no reason for it that you can see. In those situations, you can ask BIG again. 
Or if you want to have spiritual growth or grow as a person, you can just ask it, how can I, for instance, start start every day? What will be ideal for me in order to grow in order to become more aware and not fall into my patternns. So there's a whole world that actually opens up with this. 
And BIG also contains elements of Imago, where you can actually turn a conflict, a situation that seems very negative into an opportunity of growing closer to your partner, of opening up, of becoming more vulnerable, and creating a a more solid connection. And the third part that it contains, B for bioenergetics, I for, and G giraffe language. This is based on Marshall Rosenberg's nonviolent communication, which is a way of communicating where we always focus on that, which is really, truly alive in us. 
How can I connect to this part that is alive, creative inside of me? And how can I look for it in another person and connect to that and talk about that? That is where we feel alive and truly happy. 
The Jiraffe language is a language of love. It has been used for so many things in so many different situations. There are even schools, giraffe schools. 
It's been used in diplomacy. It's been used when countries are at war. It's been used in hostage situations. 
So it's a very efficient way of learning how to communicate. And so that is also involved in BIG. So that BIG isn't just about recognising the patterns that are working at the present moment inside of you, but also how to communicate and how to get closer to the persons that you do really care about and want to be close to. 
So now you know what I've been up to, what I've been focussing on, thinking about in the last couple of months, at least, at some point, I might tell you some other things that I've been up to. I've been exploring the worlds of mystics as well, and I even wrote a book about it. because I found it so fascinating. It's called Bridges of Light, and maybe I'll dedicate an episode to that because I find those insights really liberating. and I've also been diving into physics, actually, but that would also be another episode. 
So these are possible previews of what might be coming up. Until then, take care and I might talk to you in another Basia's Thoughts episode.