Ferns Galore

Planet CQ-95W: Unoccupied
Shaw goes solo and learns about some natural wildlife

Voices: Beth Neild as Andrea Shaw, Tiare Sonnen as Captain Locklear
Director/Writer: Tiare Sonnen
Sound Editor: Angelina Spietz
Sound Effects: Alan McKinney - ZapSplat (https://www.zapsplat.com/), Tim at TableTop Audio 

Transcript

Episode 1 – Ferns Galore

Intro music, Couple seconds of silence before the sound of the recorder clicks on. 

Andrea

I know! I promise I’ll use the recorder this time Captain! See, I have it in my hand – 

Locklear

No Shaw, I can’t see it.

Andrea

I know you can’t but, ugh! Never mind! I’m only going to be on planet for a couple hours anyway. My oxygen supply is fully set, and I even brought emergency provisions! All I’m going to do is record, draw maps and then leave. Nooooo problem to it! 

Locklear

Stay safe Shaw. See you onboard in a few hours. 

Comms switches off

Andrea

Log 48 of the Celeste’s voyage, location, somewhere past Sector CQ-93W. Just passed one of the last known colonies of Dub-roc’. Field notes and recording of Andrea Shaw, cartographer, and chronicler aboard the Celeste. 

I’m going solo this time, mostly due to a shield malfunction and a poorly placed wrench – THAT I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH – which has, unfortunately, incapacitated both our biologist and technician. Captain Locklear, who was already in an exceptionally bad mood this morning, still wanted to collect the final field notes for this location – so here I am. 

One woman going on a quest to uncover the secrets of space and time. 

Laughs 

 Man, I love the whole mysterious vibe of space exploration!

Now, according to the beacon, the planet appears to have a thriving ecosystem of predominately plant-life, with an abundance of – well, I wouldn’t call them trees, more like ferns. But big ones. And they aren’t green, their leaves are a more snow white, which seems to suggest an absence of chlorophyll, with black stems that reach incredibly high – my estimation is around 18 meters. I think I remember reading about something like this once, but I can’t remember for the life me. I’m sure Remy will know more about it. He is the biggest nerd I’ve met. Apparently, this may be one of the more promising candidates for a human colony but that’s up to the guys back home to run the diagnostics on that. 

Pants 

There are two suns here, which is fun if you like the constant glare. I’ve found using the ferns as cover is a good way to avoid the full brunt of sunlight. Definitely different to the automated lighting aboard the Celeste. Here, if you look up in sky, the two suns cast a light through the leaves that make that leaves appear to glow faintly.

Pants

 Haven’t come across any animal-like life down here yet, despite Remy’s scanners picking up readings on some kind of carbon-dioxide producers. Maybe they’re nocturnal or prefer to stay underground – either way it would be nice to see something other than… ferns. 

Pants                                                                                                               

I have walked roughly 1.75 km away from my pod and let me say, these suits, while their auto-camouflage setting is super cool, suck for hiking, especially in humid climates. Did I mention how humid it is? Cause it’s very humid – like someone spent way too long in the shower with the hot water running. 

Another pant, and deep sigh 

I’m going to stop here for a while, need a break and the view is descent enough to cross-reference some of the previous maps I made. Plus getting in some sketches of these ferns seems like a good way to apologise and avoid a grumpy Remy. 

Sigh 

How do I pause this-? 

Recorder suddenly clicks off and a second of silence before it clicks on again.

Andrea

Ah! There’s that button. Anyway, an interesting update on these ferns. While I was collecting some sketches of a few younger samples I finally got a look at their rooting system. Now, based on what Remy told me, ferns are Filicinophytes, meaning that their roots are typically quite shallow. I happened to see some peeking out and decided to dig a bit further down to see if there were any abnormalities. 

At first the roots were pretty easy to find and didn’t seem to go too far down. Since their roots were pitch black, it made them easier to see since it looked like oil streaming through the ground. Kind of like that iridescent shine. Anyway, once I found the top of the roots I figured I could dig up one of the samplings and give it to Remy but the more I dug the further down I went and the roots just kept getting bigger and bigger, twisting and branching off further and further down, like tentacles or some other horror grade bullshit. Unlike the first roots I found they weren’t your usual thin hair-like appearance, instead thick black tendrils as big as my forearm, are going deeper and deeper into the ground. And that isn’t even the weirdest part. 

They are… pulsing. As if they’re sacks of oil, ready to burst at any given point. 

Shivers

I really don’t like roots; did I mention that? Maybe I should bring it up with the Captain, try to convince her to – at the very least – limit my solo expeditions on predominately plant-based planets. 

Coughs uncomfortably 

 Looking at it now, it almost seems like something could be living inside the ferns? Maybe it’s some kind of mutualistic relationship? That would explain the levels of CO2 in the atmosphere.

God listen to me; I’m starting to sound like Remy too. Blah blah science! Blah blah blah. I’m going to collect a sample – maybe the others can get a closer look on board. 

Recorder suddenly clicks off followed by a second of silence. Suddenly, it switches on again to the sound of running and panting. Adriana is freaking the hell out.

Shit shit shit shit! Captain? Captain can you hear me?! Captain?!?! Oh shit, wait this is the recorder! Great, I can record my death now too! UGH! 

Pants in panic

Fun update for whoever’s listening: DON’T TOUCH THE FERN’S ROOTS. I can safely say that they are extremely protective as well as carnivorous. 

Want to know how I know that?! Well, it’s mostly based on the fact that it digested my blood and is now hunting me for sport! When I went to cut off a small piece of the roots the whole thing coiled up tight, kind of like a spring, before lashing out and cutting my hand. I accidently brushed my hand on one of the roots trying to get away, smearing some blood on it and now- 

A loud roar cuts her off

I really hate this job sometimes. Woah! 

Startled as something crashes nearby. 

Come on, come on! Which button was it? 

Series of buttons goes off until the recorder clicks off. Clicks on again and in the background are spaceship noises – buttons going off, calm atmosphere, etc. 

Locklear

What were you thinking! Collecting samples without consulting the ship’s biologist, injuring yourself and not immediately calling in for aid, and on top of that you broke the recorder! Do you have a death wish Shaw?!

Andrea 

I’m sorry Captain, I just- 

Locklear

What?! Thought you could play scientist? You are a cartographer! You make maps!

Andrea

With all due respect, I had no idea that the fern would turn into a monster out for human blood. 

Locklear

And regarding your little fern friend! You are incredibly lucky that Choi was coherent enough to shoot it down after the stunt you pulled this morning trying to fix the “buzzing noise” coming from the ship’s shields! 

Andrea

I’m sorry Captain Locklear.

Locklear

Groans 

You need to be careful Shaw, you’re not always going to be lucky and the sooner you realise how unforgiving the universe is the safer you’ll be. Now, go clean up. Unless you like the ‘just attacked by a fern’ look. 

Andrea

Really? I think the look is starting to grow on me. 

Locklear

Groans

Shaw….

Andrea

Right! Yup, going to go clean up now! Squeaky clean, the cleanest clean to ever clean!

Locklear

Not in the mood Shaw

Andrea

Geez Mr Grumpy pants

Locklear

Voice from a further distance 

What was that?

Andrea

Nothing! 

Doors open then close, Andrea let’s out a big sigh before realising that the recorder is on

Oh! Why is that flashing? Wait my recorder?! Yes! You still work, I knew you’d survive the fall! 

Final update, against all odds I survived, despite attempts made by a ferocious monster made of ferns. It was epic, it was breath taking, it was daring but most of all I LIVED!

Laughs in a kind of crazy way before calming down and wincing at a sudden dizziness 

Oof, maybe I lost more blood then I expected. I should probably go see Remy for a check-up or something once he’s feeling better. In the meantime, I’ll go thank Jonathan for that last minute save and take a shower. Better steer clear of Captain Locklear for the time being as well, I would prefer to avoid any more lectures…

Anyway, that ends this log. Andrea Shaw signing off! 

Recorder clicks off and outro begins