Transmuting Tuesday June 28, 2022

We're coming soon with Part 2 of Season 2!

In the meantime, a quick share over here: Diedra and Maureen are going to start a weekly (most of the time) series called Transmuting Tuesdays which will be on our Youtube and Instagram pages.  You can expect this series to be a little more impromptu and shorter than the podcast has been. 
This first one is in response to the Overturning of Roe. Y

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Transcript

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Well welcome folks to Transmuting Tuesdays Diedra, and I thought we'd get online and occasionally AKA weekly connect and talk about what's on our minds using the tools of transmuting white supremacy and patriarchy. So here we are. Kicking it off, giving it a go. How you feeling? D I'm I'm alright. I'm alright. I think we're, um, we are in a moment of. Uh, of paradigmatic shift, I guess I would think like, I, I, you know, we're in a, I, I, my perception of reality apparently is that shit is crazy. And now you're not supposed to say crazy cuz it's ableist, but sorry. That's my experience. Things seem upside down. Things feel backwards. And at the same time, things are exactly how they're supposed to be when living in a, um, world carved and constructed by systems of oppression. Mm mm-hmm mm-hmm so here we are. Here we are. Mm-hmm what feels upside down and backwards, particularly given the, the news of the last few days? You know, I think five to 10 years ago, I would've been much more, uh, honestly, much more, um, Angry, uh, where I am now and how I see the world. I have a rage. I feel a lot of rage, but I'm not angry. It's interesting. I am, um, I, my, my belief systems are such that this, this is exactly how, um, uh, system of oppression works. And like, you know, in our course, I was thinking about this, the other, you know, a couple days ago, In our course, we, uh, I, I titled the, the section on, um, patriarchy hiding in plain sight. And I chuckled to myself, not that it's funny, but like, you know, what did I say last time? Like funny, funny, A-Ha. Not funny ha- ha. Yeah. And it's like an aha, but also like a, it is a little bit frightening just in terms of, um, You know, I think so I know patriarchy is such an academic. It's such a, it can feel like really overly academic term. Um, and what I. What's interesting to me. And I think where I'm enraged, but not in anger is that this is, it just shows what already existed. Like, I think there's a way in which systems of oppression have lulled us into false sense of freedom or false sense of security, like, and we've gotten used to. Oppression in a way that can, or let me, let me switch into the I. I, in my experience of the world, around me, so people around me and this is just my perception have gotten used to accepting what is accepting, what we see. Yeah. Accepting, um, That there has to be struggle, accepting that there has to be that that scarcity, um, is more real than abundance. You know, that, um, That, uh, there's an inability that we, that, that, that the possibility of people disagreeing and not killing each other is not, does not exist. Right. Mm-hmm mm-hmm, that disagreement means violence means killing means, um, that if I wanna make space for me, I have to make less space for you. Like yeah. Um, and that used to make me angry, but. Given my experience with the world that anger was often internalized, right? It was taken in because that's all the world has ever given me. Is this idea that it's my fault. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. That kinda shit. Mm-hmm mm-hmm Um, now as I practice it very intentionally transmuting white supremacy and patriarchy, my lens has changed that like, I, I can see. It's it's not, I don't necessarily have anger. I have rage in that. I have rage of that. There are, are other options available to us um, and that the systems, not only the systems of oppression have not only created a world in which many of us are hungry. Many of us, um, are unhoused. You know, many of us are, um, demonized for who we love or, uh, the, the gender we know we are like, et cetera, cetera, et cetera. Um, also. Which I don't hear a lot of folks talk about. Cause they feel like, I feel like it, people think it gets too woo, woo or too crunchy or a new age. I don't know. Mm-hmm but it's like the impact of systems of oppression on how we think yeah. How we perceive the world. And I think that's the switch that has happened for me of like, I'm quite clear. I'm getting more clear every day on. What the systems of oppression, specifically of white supremacy and specifically of patriarchy, what they have, they're constantly telling us to see or believe or feel. And they're, they're all false premise. They're all not, they're not based in anything other than someone's perception. and it's not mine. Mm-hmm And so that's where I sit. I sit in the rage of like, oh, patriarchy, you know, This idea that, that we, that those of us who identify as women, particularly in this case of like body, the autonomy for CIS women, that we don't have control over that. That never went away just because abortion was, you know, legal. It wasn't even really legal it was sanctioned in most of the country, but a lot of parts people, it was really hard to get to. Right. Like, so that's how I think about it, of like, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know which I don't. I. We are a nation that has mul been mollified. So like docile almost made docile made like mm-hmm you know, we just go on with business as usual, always. Mm-hmm we just take what the systems of oppression give us. We take, yeah, we take the hit. And so I wonder if this is one of those times where we won't just take the hit, but I, I don't feel confident in that because from my perception and experience of the world, there's not enough of us actively attempting to lift that veil right. Of how the systems of oppression affect our thoughts, affect how we perceive our own power and our own possibilities and what we are. Um, What we are worthy of, right? If I, if, if, if, if deep down, I, I still really believe that I'm not worthy until I prove myself. Right. If I, if I continue to believe. There's a difference between how one will act and how one will, what one will put up with if, uh, if they believe they're worthy by virtue of breath versus worthy by virtue of what they produce or what they can create or what job they can get or what education they have or what neighborhood they live in. You know, mm-hmm, there's a difference in how the engagement of the world is gonna be different because of that core belief colors. Mm-hmm. I know I just said a lot. Sorry. No, I'm taking it in. I appreciate that. I'm thinking about particularly after this quote, unquote overturn, I appreciate that. You're naming that while it was sanctioned and technically legal, that it still was inaccessible right. In many ways. And it was like the fact that it's even a permission is in and of itself, right? The form of white supremacy and patriarchy, a form of white supremacy and patriarchy. And I'm really appreciating that you're naming the power of that. If we don't trans transmute how white supremacy and patriarchy is in our belief systems. That really is resonating for me in that I've been in reflection about how activated the country is, but let's be, I think it's really important to be honest, how activated white feminism is right now. And like black women have been screaming well for decades. Uh, Loudly that and falling on ears that are not willing to listen, because I think there's a lot in how systems of oppression in. I'll just speak for white, from my perspective, as a white woman, I'm not speaking for any other white women, but I'm present to my perspective. That is, um, that one way white supremacy and patriarchy has numbed and infiltrated my belief system is that I have to actively work to remember that we're interconnected. Like if I don't exercise mindfulness, and look for the beliefs of how I'm focusing on how something is impacting me versus the collective. Um, and I think that's, what's happening. Like that's, I'm taking that experience, that personal experience and seeing like, oh, well now everybody's in upset. Right. And everybody being like what the media will carry, uh, activated by a lot of white women right now. And so for me, I'm in this. One appreciation about how we as a collective, um, need to be, or could be if we're transmuting looking at our belief system. But also I feel like there's a call for accountability of white women. Again, like those that voted for Trump, but that might also now be outraged about the impact of that, but not making that connection who could have simply listened, uh, to the voices of black women who were saying loud. And clearly this is, this is what's gonna happen. There's gonna be an unraveling. And what does it look like to actually not only listen to us who are most impacted, um, by the intersection of white supremacy and patriarchy, but also for white women to really interrogate our belief systems about why does it take it something impacting us directly? Like, why don't we just believe black women? Right. Like more white women based on class are going to have access to abortion, whether it's legal or not right. And so this will disproportionately impact, um, black women, indigenous women. Um, Not just women, right? Like also trans folks and non-binary folks, um, are also a really important, uh, connection in this reproductive justice movement. But I think that's another example of those voices. Not. Being heard. And how do our beliefs connect to who we're hearing and why? Like, what identities does it take for folks who hold power and privilege to really listen? So I feel like that for me, is a connection of like the belief work and like our listening, cuz that kaleidoscope that we talk a lot about is the filter, which we're able to see things, um, or experience things. and I think a lot of that's connected both to our experiences in the world and to the belief systems that are a result of the world that we've lived in. Like, it feels very women's Marchy to me. Like the, the women's March a lot of the conversation. And I went to that women's March in DC. It was very. It felt like Ebony Janice always says this she's like, I wish people would cite their sources. She's just said the other day, she's like, I hear people saying things 10 years later, 20 years later, 60 years later that black women have been saying for a really long time and we're not citing our sources. And we're not saying anything new. Um, it's just maybe in it more, what did she say in a more, um, contemporary language? Um, but yeah, this just feels both, you know, something to be rageful of. And at this time, you know, I I'm inviting folks into an intersectional inquiry of like, so what about my identity and the identities of those I'm listening to are playing out here. Um, and what does that mean for what's the lesson for. I mean, I hate to say like, how could this have been avoided? Cuz maybe it couldn't have been avoided. Maybe this is a necessary part of the pendulum shift for patriarchy and white supremacy to play out or topple. But I am just really, I'm hoping that folks are taking the time to be in inquiry about their own belief systems, instead of just quickly pointing the fingers outward at all the other things that need to shift. Those are just some things I've been present to this weekend while I've been sitting in... I don't know what I've been sitting in. Confusion. I, I feel like I've been really confused. Like I'm like, oh no. A lot of people are really upset and. We didn't, this is not, we knew this was like, this was coming before that was leaked. We knew this was coming like three Supreme court justices were appointed by Trump. We knew this was coming. How did Trump get elected? We knew this was coming. Like, it's just a really interesting it's it's been interesting to, to just witness. Yeah. It's just, it's an interesting, Witness of my own confusion and maybe that's a trauma response. So I'll just kind of pause there. Confusion is often a trauma response for me. Yeah. I mean, thank you for sharing all that. And I think I, you know, that's, that's what I mean when I say what I'm finding really interesting. And it's, you know, what I'm finding really interesting is the, is that my, what I perceive to be surprised what I perceive to be, you know, what I perceive to be a cast of that this happened, you know? And, and, and it does seem to be in particular, those who are sitting. Non-targeted identities, mm-hmm race and, and gender. Um, and so that's what I'm saying, like what I'm finding, you know, I'm, I'm very conscious of I'm sitting in sadness. Mm-hmm, I'm sitting in sadness, like, you know, Grief. I I'm always sitting in grief. Grief is perpetual for me. Just one because I, I, I, uh, you know, my lens of the world is one, is that I'm quite clear. I have great clarity that the choices we make as a species are so unfortunate. They do not. I do not believe that, um, they are inevitable mm-hmm and I, and, but I'm in a world that believe. They're inevitable. Yeah. I'm surrounded by a lot of people who, for whatever reason, I, I don't even judge it anymore, but I am surrounded by a lot of people that I know that I don't know who mm-hmm. who really. Think the worst of, of, of our species. And I don't judge it because I, I can imagine having had my own life of abuse, why that is like, I don't judge it. And even for whatever reason for me, I haven't defaulted too. That's just the way it is or that's how our species is. Mm-hmm And so there's grief that I sit with. Um, there's also sadness, knowing that there's a both end happening where, um, by virtue of. I don't even know what, by virtue of something, my life is such that I have certain privilege that allows me to be so outside and yeah. And, and, um, Do the work that I do and engage the world the way that I engage, like, you know, I've always said, I've always said like the best gift, like, whatever, whatever you think it's happenstance or God Allah angels, I don't know, whatever, whatever it is. But the best gifts was that I was born a black. CIS lesbian woman. Like for me, it's been the best fucking gift ever, ever, ever, ever. I'm like super fucking grateful. And I say that because it's that lesbian part is really, um, created a reality for me now. It, it, it, it, it, it colored the choices that I made, even when I didn't know that that's what it was doing that created this reality that I sit in now where. I have certain privilege, which is crazy, right. To think I'm certain privilege, cuz I'm a black lesbian, but there is some privilege that I see that allows me to question reality in a way that I think if I were more entangled mm-hmm um, in a heterosexual world, that would be harder. Yeah. Um, I at least that's my perception. Right? Mm-hmm I don't know that to be true, but that's my perception. Like it just, and so there's times where I'm thinking like now is it so that, and so it also sits with a world that I've created that there's certain things around. There's certain things that other people in the world experience that I do not. Um, and so I'm careful of like, when I start to have this very introspective or like, it can come across as very intellectual experience for the world. I'm cognizant that other people are having a much different embodied experience of the world. Yeah. And that's, what's sad. Like my sadness comes from that more folks don't have the privilege that I have even sitting in a yeah. Black CIS woman, lesbian body. Yeah. Which is crazy right. In our world. You would think like so many people would make assumptions about that and, and you could like, I get it, but that's when I talk to people about identity of like, to me, there's a, there's. I have an understanding that identity in and of itself is used to control us is used to separate us. And I have a lot of pride in my identity. There's a lot of privilege that comes from the identity. There's a lot of growth. That's come from the challenges of a targeted identity and all that kind of stuff. So I say all that to say that I. You know, I was listening to AOCs AOC, did AOC live on, on the 26th, uh, on a, her IG live on the 26th mm-hmm and toward the end of it. And it, you know, I loved it. It helped, it, it, it helped lift me. I don't know that I'm gonna do anything that she had on there, but I love the possibilities. Like I love when people talk about possibilities, like that's right. What are the different things folks can do? What are the considerations? So I loved it. The thing that caught me was at the end, she said, and I had to pull over. I was actually driving when I was listening to it. I had to pull over to write it down. And she had said that. She was speaking of quote, creating the conditions of consciousness on end quote. Like she said that when she said that I was like, oh, and I was, I was like, that's why I love transmuting white supremacy and patriarchy the practice, the tools that, yeah. Um, I am incorporating daily in my life and daily meaning sometimes I go to. Default sometimes I don't. And I'm conscious of it sometimes I don't, and I'm not conscious of it. Right. But it's a practice that I'm come that I come back to, even when I forget I don't, uh, the practice is to not self shame, so I don't ever go back to it. It's just like, okay, well, there it is. Let's go back to it. Right. Mm-hmm And, but it's like, I am grateful that for whatever reason, my ancestors, my spirit guide. Happenstance, whatever fuck people wanna call that there is a practice that I learned that is doing just that right. Is creating the conditions for my consciousness. Mm-hmm right. In terms of the, the, um, conscious and unconscious choices actions that I make, um, or being able to see with greater clarity, what sys the choices and action systems of oppression. Hide from me or take away me and others. Yeah. Um, to be able to see that is such a gift mm-hmm and like this time right now, um, I still continue, like you, you know, this activation of white women. Yeah. That like, like I get it, like, it makes sense there. Sure. They're activated. It has to be allowed for many of us. It has to be very personal for shit to, um, move us and what I still don't hear. Like I heard it a little bit in AOCs, but it was very indirect, very light. It was very indirect. Uh, but is the need, I believe that there still is this need of us to figure out and I think it starts from the I mm-hmm but it's to figure out how to. Be in conversation with each other. Yeah. That's to be in community on a shared planet. That's right. And like, unless I do like that, if I don't do that, I work, um, I am moving in the way that white supremacy and patriarchy wants me to move, which means even when I think I'm standing up for myself as a black woman, a lesbian woman, a CIS woman, educated woman. Uh, person in the black community person in the Puerto Rican community, like whatever different identity I might want to grab from, or if it's not my identity. And I wanna make space for, for, for trans folks for gay men, for white people, for mm-hmm whatever. Right. Like to be the only way I know that I can do that is by lifting that veil that allows me to have the conversations because people are gonna say fucked up shit. Yeah. People are gonna hurt my feelings. I'm gonna ha you know, I'm gonna be harmed. I am gonna say fucked up shit. I'm gonna hurt people's feelings. I am going to harm. Yeah. But I think that there's a difference between we have somehow per I don't, I can only speak for the United States cuz I, you know, have only really ever lived here. It feels like we have, we have just forgotten what it even means. To have real conversations with each other that, um, that is uncomfortable. That is tough. That can't be that can't be fixed in that there's no solution in an hour, you know, that there's no, you know, and so, and, but, and, and which is in this H wheel, which is in this hamster reel of, of that. And so. um, that's, you know, for me, that's what I think causes the rage and the grief, cuz I don't, I don't my outlook, like as a political science major as an undergrad and one of the first questions I got asked in my first political science que course was what is your belief in the nature of man at the time they said, man, right, good or bad. Um, And that really colors what I learned from that, you know, that, that, that major is that where one sits in that is really gonna color, uh, how one moves in the world. Mm-hmm and white supremacy and patriarchy is staunchly in the camp of bad mm-hmm mm-hmm um, so whether we, like, I could be out in the world saying. One thing, but if that core belief has not been challenged because I've been indoctrinated by virtue of being born here, that's right. By virtue of my parents being born here and my grandparents, like, it's all, you know, it's been millennial, you said, you said you, when you were talking before, you were like, oh, for, you know, decades and in my mind I thought fucking decades sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. It's fucking millennia. That's right. Patriarchy, and white supremacy, but even looking at patriarchy. Patriarchy. The essence, we forget like the essence of patriarchy is the control of a woman's body. Yeah. Like we can start talking about all this other stuff as now. We're we're we're we're expanding gender. Okay, great. Yes. And the essence of it is to control a woman's reproductive health, CIS woman's ability to have children and to make babies there's other offshoots to it. But that's the core mm-hmm And if we can't have that conversation and we get yelled at this and all this other stuff comes in, that's the essence of fucking patriarchy mm-hmm it still comes back. To silencing women you know, but we can't have these conversations. Mm. And then, and so to even try to try to get, you know, why you, you said something of like simply listening to black women, why don't we believe black women? There's all this other stuff, because not only are white women indoctrinated in white supremacy as white women, they're indoctrinated in patriarchy. That's right. As women cuz we all are. Yeah. Right. That's right. Like, and we almost said, you know, bell hooks does amazing writing about the way in which women perpetuate patriarchy. It's not just a male, um, male problem, you know, men's problem for sure. Whether you're, you know, cis or trans, whatever, like I, you know, mm-hmm so that, you know, that's where my brain is. My thoughts, my body is going, like, I'm thinking about, I was writing down words of like, during this time, like where. What's all floating around, you know, and since I'm a writer, I'm always thinking about different words that I've like sovereignty, autonomy, body embodied, internalized integrated consciousness perception. Cause I think I get it like we're in action now. Like shit has happened. And the hammers down, um, for more women than it was a week ago, there were many women, nothing has fucking changed with this ruling. They had no access to fucking abortion here in the United States, they lived in a state that that shit was already taken or made so difficult. It was, it was essentially like taken, you know? So I think like, how do we, how do I dunno? So I have to fall back on like, well, all they can do is continue to offer other people a practice of, for themselves lifting. I don't know what you're gonna find when you lift the veil, but. There are some very specific ways that are available to us that you don't have to fucking pay for. I mean, you gotta pay for our course, but like the skills themselves. Like, you know, they, you don't have to fucking pay for that shit, cuz it's yours. It's yours to yeah. It's yours to do. But our structure, the systems of oppression make us believe. The only thing that we can, you know, that it's, it's like only that, which is given to us is real mm-hmm it almost feels like, you know, right. It's like, there's so much more out there. That's real intangible that is already ours. Right? Well, that's part of the, you know, that folks digesting the possibility that's told to them, as opposed to exploring the infinite possibility. Available, right. Um, yeah. And I, I like that, you know, and it's fed of like, mm-hmm, that's right. It's like, if I hear another fucking democratic politician, tell me to go vote and then that's the period right, right, right, right. Are you kidding me? You know, like that, that's an example of what you just said of like, they act as if that's the only possibility and it, and I'm just floored I'm floored by that that's all you're giving folks mm-hmm mm-hmm well, we'll definitely be sharing AOCs. I mean, it's been, it's been making the, making the rounds, but I definitely appreciate it's phenomenal. The clarity where she's like, okay, and if not this, then what y'all, but people need details. People need specificity. We are done with the smoke screen of just vote this way, just vote this way. And it'll all magically, right. uh, work out and yeah. You know, as we're wrapping. Um, I wanted to say that I appreciated too, you know, the piece about, you know, folks not having these conversations and, you know, that's why we put invoking collectivism into the tool that it's something we have to work towards, right. Starting with self so that I can be mindful and increasing my consciousness and also have the resiliency to engage in. My own work, as I endeavor to do less harm as I navigate, you know, things that come up for me that are, um, putting me in like a liminal space, right? Like, you're gonna tell me something's possible or you're gonna tell me something wasn't possible that I thought was possible. That's what came up for me. Like we're not having collectively the conversation about how abortion has actually been functionally inaccessible to the most marginalized communities. Even though it's legally available. Right. And so what it would take, or I guess it's a question that I wanna invite folks into of what would it take for you, in the I, to be showing up to these conversations? What does it take for cisgender women to be showing up to conversations about reproductive justice for folks that are not CIS women? Um, right. and also then like having this conversation that you're bringing in of like, and also patriarchy is about controlling cisgendered women's bodies. Right? So what is the both and there? Right? The both/and, and how do we have those conversations so that we're not further divided, which leaves us more susceptible to the pos the very limited possibilities that white supremacy and patriarchy have us operating in. Right. Mm-hmm And so how do we actually use these hard conversations of uh, increasing our consciousness of creating conditions for collectivism, but with a mindfulness of targeted identities and non-targeted identities, so that we actually come out closer right in community and not further part. Well, I mean, I don't know. I mean, yeah, you'd have to define for me what you mean by closer, cuz that's the thing for me of I don't need to be closer to, like, it's not close, not about closer to me. It's about making space for people's humanity and their experience of the world. Like I don't necessarily to disagree with someone doesn't mean I need to demonize someone to disagree with someone doesn't mean I need to uh, create mechanisms for your demise or yeah. To say that you lack humanity or, you know, to throw yeah. Someone. To kill someone. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm like, that's, mm-hmm I think there's also like, I wanna, I wanna be really careful. Like I respect if that's, you know, where you're coming from. I wanna say like, I don't necessarily need to be closer to people, you know, you're much more like, you know, in the world than I am. I'm a loner. I'm happy. Yeah. Isolationist. I like to be by myself, but I have a deep love and, uh, uh, appreciation for humanity. So I want us to be able to make space of. Why does disagreement mean translate into annihilation or, or make it invisible? Mm-hmm like, I don't, I don't agree with that. I don't, I don't necessarily need to be close to you. if I don't agree with you, but I also don't. I don't think I ha I don't believe I have the right to create the mechanisms for your demise mm-hmm or to demonize you mm-hmm or to make you to make it appear that one is less human or less deserving of, of love and happiness and joy. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, um, and I, I actually don't, I think that you asking the question, what I meant by closer is, um, helps me to have a better word for it, which is really about connected, but not like connected, like we're hanging out every day, but like a mindfulness of our interconnectedness. Right. Which actually means that I can't demonize you because we are one, right? So that's really what I meant by closer. And I'll take that out. I would say more connected on the pathway to deep inter like a belief system rooted into that out. I'm removing moving the word closer, cuz that's not actually what I meant. And it's more like connected. I meant like connected on the path towards being interconnected. What can I do today? Yeah. To make that. To be more mindful of being connected to those that I may not be connected to that I may not. Or like, cuz I think we, a lot of us feel like we're trying to drive toward this place where we all agree. Yeah, exactly. That's right. And we're, I'm not, I mean I personally am not there's I don't believe that's. I think that's a false premise and I think that, and, but I think a lot of us are driving toward that because we also are being given the option of like, if we don't agree, we'll kill each other. Yeah. One of us has to die. Um, that's. If we don't agree. Yeah. And that for me is the false premise of like, uh, you know, I think that there, and as a community, when we're invoking collectivism, I think that there's a line that we find of like, what is just not tolerable. Sure, but it's not allowable rape pedophilia, you know, shit, which is dehumanizing, but that's dehumanizing. Right. De so have, but having the convers, I think we just have, we have, I don't, I don't, maybe it would be an interesting, uh, you know, intellectuals, PhD yeah. Uh, paper to look at, like, what is, where did, I mean, I'm sure it's not one moment in history, but multiple points in history that, uh, Or maybe one could argue when my brain is running. One could argue that is the essence of, of white supremacy and patriarchy. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And it, you know, but my partner and I always talk about how white supremacy is, will continuously eat itself. Yeah. And so I think, you know, that's what CIS class privilege white women are experiencing right now. Yeah. Know, it came for you. it's been, it's been at us forever. Mm-hmm and you know, we, we are not enough because it's all consuming. Yeah. And so now it's consuming, but enough you wanna close. Well, not want to, but I just was trying to honor the time that we yeah. Yeah, totally around. Totally. Yeah. Yeah. So we, uh, invite folks, definitely always into intersectional inquiry, curious to hear from you all what's coming up. and you know what folks are noticing about the intersection of our various identities and how it's playing out? we always invite folks to stay in the"I". So yeah, I'm leaving this with a curiosity to see how this will what this will spark for folks. And I appreciate you Diedra for sharing, exactly where you are and I love you. so thanks for that right back on you.